Why I Quit Dating Girls Who Club, Party, or Drink | Girls Chase

Why I Quit Dating Girls Who Club, Party, or Drink

Chase Amante

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girls who partySomething I've been asked from time to time on this site (most recently in a forum post by one of our members here) is why I don't date girls who club, party, drink, or have "girls' nights out".

The questions you most frequently get about this are:

  • Doesn't every girl do these things?

  • Who cares if she goes out and does a little drinking? I trust my girl to stay loyal.

  • Aren't you a hypocrite if you do these things but expect her not to?

  • Don't you trust your women to stay faithful to you? I thought you wrote in the article on how to prevent cheating that it was possible to be so great a partner than women wouldn't want to cheat?!

Most of these thoughts come from rather different places than where I come at relationships from, though. These thoughts revolve more around fear of loss, and/or a feeling of helplessness to control for or select against this behavior... neither of which I have.

This article will not be terribly helpful if you're still just starting out on your journey to get good with women, or are intermediate there, because you will not be able to follow it. Real screening is dependent on the ability to say "no," and until you reach the place where you truly have absolute abundance with women, there will always be women where your logic will say, "I'm not so sure about this one..," but your emotions will hit the override button and tell you, "Stop being silly - she's great."

So let's talk about why I recommend steering clear of these kinds of women if you want a stable, healthy relationship that is a boon to your existence, rather than the bane of it.

Chase AmanteAbout the Author: Chase Amante

Chase woke up one day in 2004 tired of being alone. So, he set to work and read every book he could find, studied every teacher he could meet, and talked to every girl he could talk to to figure out dating. After four years, scads of lays, and many great girlfriends (plus plenty of failures along the way), he launched this website. He will teach you everything he knows about girls in one single program in his One Date System.

GET CHASE’S ONE DATE SYSTEM

Comments

Anonymous's picture

Well, your article is well written and you got some points. But you're wrong about 1 thing. Guz I know women who don't drink, don't party and look like high class ladies. But are the biggest sluts I've ever met. Even worse than party girls like you discribe. There are just sluts and not sluts in the world. Some like to party some don't. It depends on the person not on the things they do. Just trust instincts ( your real instincts, not your misquided butterflies) , there never wrong. You can always sense when someone is sinsirly or not, doesn't mean the girl is perfect, but hej nobody is. And perfect things are boring anyways. Just enjoy them and don't take them to seriously and do your own thing. Saves a lot of headache.

J's picture

Hey Chase,

A bit of context regarding this website and me: I read it pretty regularly (the bits I'm interested in, anyways) and I run into a lot of solid content; most I agree with, some I disagree with - but solid content nonetheless.

At the point I'm at in my life right now, I don't necessarily *need* (or want) to "sleep with as many women as I possibly can" - I'm a university student with a tremendous class load, a commission in the US Army (I'm in the ROTC program), all under the banner of passions and self-improvement. Perhaps it's a misnomer to state that I don't *need* to sleep with as many women as I possibly can; I'm definitely *working* on the skill sets that one would need in order to achieve this objective, but I'm not necessarily *actively* going out to sleep with women period-point-blank. Yes, I'm actively working on things like my sexiness, my masculine appeal, etc, but I'm not necessarily using those to pull women into bed... at least, not yet (;

You can ask anybody who's around me and they'll tell you I have a certain "edge" about myself that they *rarely* see - and have *never seen* - with a kid my age. I think it's mainly because I'm so similar to you in the sense that I have very little time for faux pleasantries, well-beaten paths, and mundane activities and I *only* have time for passions and dreams, both of which are "achievable" at this point in time with enough deliberate hours in, I think.

That being said, I'm very aware of how much I don't know. And how much I have yet to go because I'm so young and inexperienced - so that's the reason I try my best to independently reason through everything I do/read/etc while leaving my ego out of the equation (this, I feel, optimizes growth in ways few have actually harnessed). Which is why I read stuff like this website, Mark Manson's work, Allan Pease's books, etc - all with independent analyses and critiques, of course.

I really am grateful for this article though, Chase. A girl I just ended things with (six years my senior, btw - I can't stand 90% of girls my age) was the prototypical girl who "clubbed, partied, & drank". I met her and read this article at roughly the same time and your advice was always in the back of my mind (like with many of your other articles). It was never at the forefront of my thoughts when I first when this chick, mainly because I didn't think it was applicable to her.

Then, slowly but surely, she starts molding into the exact sorta girl you mention here: girls' nights out, Friday nights clubbing, drinks to no end, etc.

Fast forward two months or so and she's become an energy vampire (again, your work on these particular types of people, hah) - I'm just so sick and tired of having to expend time and energy on her, dread meeting her on dates, etc. Heap onto that the fact that she parties, clubs, etc and I'd just had had enough. I called "us" off and she definitely didn't appreciate that too much... to put it mildly.

It's been about four months since first contact and she's definitely a batshit crazy girl; for reasons I won't disclose here, she's quite demonstrably nutty, wildly insecure, and (now) very, very creepy.

The thought of her makes me wanna vomit - and that's a lot, coming from somebody like me, I think, simply because I get along with everybody relatively well. A lot of people call me their best friend yet I don't think I'm entitled to such honors ;3

So thanks, Chase. I credit you and this particular article from months of headaches (and quite possibly, my sanity). Keep up the good work - and it's a shame people don't listen to your relationship advice more.

Will be up and around the comments section - I hope to hear back!

- Joseph

wiredk's picture

I read the part about the uncommitted creep about how your girl starts to act when they have another option and was blown away because it happened to me.

At the time, the girl was living with me. Out of the blue, she started acting weird... pretty much that list you provided was a rundown of the symptoms. It was messing with me hard, and when the behavior did not go away after I confronted her about it, I kicked her out of my house and my life. At the time, I had thought this was a bit extreme and beat myself up over it a bit...

But then out of curiosity I checked up on her 3 months later. I find out she is living in a "committed relationship" with an employee of hers from her job, and it had been going on for 5 months.

Going over this site, I was wondering if this was the right thing to spend my money on, but after seeing that you have confirmed that I can probably get some value out of this and change my life for the better.

Thanks!

Anonymous's picture

Thanks for the article, great read. I wish i had read this in my early 20's. I just got out of a relationship with a party girl and it was the worst 3 years of my life. I was in denial the whole time that my girl is different. But she wasn't in fact she was a typical party girl who drank a lot, partied a lot, slept around. She was fun at first but i made the mistake of thinking she had girlfriend material.

I need to find a non party girl that fits my lifestyle better instead of a girl who will ruin m life. But at least i know now and will not make the same mistake again. thanks for the advice

Anonymous's picture

I'm right in the middle of a relationship with a party girl and was searching for articles for understanding and perhaps solace but definitely advice. I'm trying to decide if I'm crazy for being skeptical and should just be getting more serious with her or if I'm really not crazy in dealing with and doubting her--the whirlwind of chaos! Anyhow, most of what you said seems to ring true and I wanted to say thanks. I had dated a girl before this one that I believe was a RPG after her marriage for 5 years but then she was committed to me after and very early on became selfish about my time spent with her and my time spent with my kiddos. I got out of this one after a few years living with her. So I'm not having much luck thus far, this being only my third serious relationship since my divorce from a wife of over ten years. Based on your advice I'm a little more hopeful for the future...assuming I can get my head out of my a$$ and make the right decision!

Thanks again!

Anonymous's picture

I am currently dating a party girl and I love (or loved) her dearly. She loves partying, in fact she is out right now with her friends as I am posting this. I called her becuase she didn't tell meshe would be going out but surprise surprise she didn't answer. When I texted her, she sounded annoyed so I ended the conversation. Over the past few weeks she has been acting cold and distant. She no longer has time for our long hours of conversation and is always busy.

Well I'm sure you've had this before so I'll end it there. I just wanted to say thnak you because your article describes my girl (ex girl to be exact) to the letter. I have decided to cut all ties with as I believe I deserve better than this. I just finished my years at university and I'm going to graduate and start my career so I really need to focus on that and not a girl who keeps throwing my emotions out sync. Your articles told me the truth I needed to hear. And I just wanted to thank you mate.

Ps. I went clubbing once and left the club, went home and played a new video game I bought that day. I didn't realise how different she and I are. Can't believe we lasted this long. But enough is enough

Anthony J's picture

This article is one of a kind on the net. It makes a ton of sense to screen this way. It improves your chances of success. Taking it slow and doing some romantic date with a party girl probably won't lead to success for you, for instance.

The world isn't black and white: not every girl you meet at a bar is actually a party/bar/drinking girl. Some may go out once a year just to celebrate a friend's birthday who has value to them in some other way than leading them to a party. This screening method should help to get it right with every girl you meet in terms of how to proceed (take her home that night or set up a date). It's not hypocritical of men. You either go out to a bar on a Friday or you date a girl. Women probably screen this way too, so it's something to address in conversation.

I don't think it's good to write off all party girls as relationship material because some girls probably just become party girls for a few years for the same reason you'd encourage guys to party.. to develop your social and sexual skills. It may be more of a means of self-improvement than simply a desire to find new sources of pleasure all the time. But with girls like that, the man should have a lot of experience himself and be outstanding all around when it comes to dating.

Anonymous's picture

...Or could you suggest ways to change that her behaviour? Let's say using my influence of being her self improvement focused boyfriend, because well - simple conversation just sit and talk really doesn't work. Maybe some NLP tricks are known, or something like that?

Jamie Bollox's picture

Hi Chase,

I still have a question I wonder about after reading this very informative post from you.
It seems to me like you have devoted half of your life to become like a natural with women. Or at least to explain other men how a natural does it. Because you are showing insides from your experience a lot can relate to, including me.
And while I see the little effort I have to do to read many of your posts, I don't see how that is little effort on your side. I mean how many business can a man have, and spend time with many interesting women, while writing all of this here. I understand how least effort works, but I don't really believe that this is what needs to be done. Its hard work presented like a little effort. To get many women I'm sure, and behind the need to do all this for oneself, I can see a confident man. I see one who can convince people of nearly anything. I also see this romantic hero you seem to have identified yourself with. I just don't know if that is what being alive is really all about. And I did find your article quite different to the others I read from some time ago. It sounds cynical and somewhat over the top. Maybe even a little discriminating. I mean the real question I have is, why do you put so much effort in making you seem like a good choice for any women when you know you clearly aren't. No woman want a business from her husband. You really got game man, I can see that. But despite all the honesty described here, the is something sour with it. I always went for women straight away in daytime, and only had some nights with party girls. You know what you see don't you? I can't for the life of me figure out whya you are still go out in bars when your girl shouldn't. Do you know what you want? Are you happy just with yourself without all this dating and this site here? Do you really not have anything better to say than to finally get to the point that all you did was for how you wanted to be seen by others? You want that girl? Go and get her. She clubs? Tell her to stop. Find one in the bookshop, that doesn't drink, take her out for a drink. See where it goes. A confident man can keep her where she needs to be for him in his life. But don't break all those hearts when you know what you're doing. That is for naturals like me who get 9 out of 10 girls they screen to fit for them and then hit on them. Okay maybe 7 of 10. But seriously, as much as I like to get silly about women sometimes, they only have until they're 30 if they want kids. Men can just run around like you and party their whole life. Seems unfair. And also very boring to go out, having her waiting for you, and then being dirstracted by someone else. Just to tell her, that you can't commit (sometimes). I mean with all the effort you put into coming of like casanova, it looks weired. And yes, I agree with a lot you say, and I don't want a girl that is like me. But y'know, if you just know how to please her, if you have some looks, if you can make a joke, if you can listen, if you can act being interested when you aren't, what else, oh some money for food eventually when she doesn't want to cook, but that should be it. And also find love with a girl that accepts your flaws early on. Anyone has them. Anyway, enjoy your the ride man.

Thanks for all the great posts!

Jamie Bollox's picture

Hi Chase,

I really did not want to bother you with the last post. I just feel a lot what you write, but I also know the backside to it.
And I wonder if the travelling really helps to understand more, if you already know that you are facing a world where women are atrracted to what men have to learn to become. While men are just attracted to looks and see from there how boring she is and if her beauty can make up for it.
And deep in our hearts we want to fall in love. But we can never just say that. And about that, falling is negative, but describes what you need to do to trust and love. You just cannot attach yourself to anything. Which questions the very reason fro it. So once you got that down, you want to find a special someone that will make you want to settle ot you will forever wander to please and seduce for your own satisfaction. While never being as satisfied as someone who leaves all this behind to go for some higher purpose. Someone with a woman that supports him.
Okay I bothered you enough. I hope its not too confusing.
Maybe you can give some thought to my two messages. I would like to learn more.
Thanks again for all the posts!

Anonymous's picture

This is AMAZING!!!

Anonymous's picture

This is so true, I got thrown into the "whirlwind of chaos" a month ago, went out with this girl I met in a bar and the second time in a club, can't believe how dumb I was, honestly believed I could craft her into something different, you live and you learn I guess

Sarah's picture

I read this post because I am a woman and wanted to read what a man thought about this topic. I have a guy friend, we met over a year ago. He is pretty wild likes to party, club, drink, drugs and whatever else you can think about this lifestyle even heard he bough prostitutes before for drugs. He denied the prostitute thing and got mad I asked. He has told me he likes me and has expressed the reasons why he won't date me or try to be more then friends. I am not the party girl we are complete opposites. I love this man so much, there aren't enough words to express how much love is in my heart for him. He has no idea I love him because I don't feel its good to tell him. He doesn't want to hurt me because he enjoys his partying and lifestyle but he often thinks of me in that way sometimes. He chooses drinking, partying, drugs, and trashy women over me which hurts tremendously, almost two years of this has really gotten old. I tried dating but there is no one out there that makes me feel the way I do about him. When he is with me not partying he is completely different and has thanked me for pointing out when he is doing harm to himself or just being stupid. The most I ever walked into a club or bar is maybe a handful of times and I am only 27. I am the girl who likes to be around sober people, watching movies, bond fires are nice, and just a simple life no partying, drinking or drugs. He is 32 now, I keep hoping if I wait long enough he will see me worth more then the drugs, drinking, partying and trashy girls but he won't. He came to my dad's funeral this year, I even went with him to put flowers on his mom's grave, just little things like that. I love him so much it hurts being around him. I have made several attempts to distance myself but it never works. We have never been physical, kissed once but I pushed him away. One of the trashy girls messaged me once and even asked me to join in on a three some he still hangs out with this trashy girl which bothers me. She is gross and even has tried getting with my cousin and her husband just like its casual conversation. I would love to take care of this man. He has no idea what it feels like when he chooses this meaningless lifestyle over someone who truly loves him. This trashy girl has a bf, a gf. I heard him call her a girl his friends pass around for fun. What do I do? You give advice to men I know but maybe you can give this woman advice?

Jimbo's picture

He'll only turn to girls like you instead of the trashy ones when he lets go of his current lifestyle and starts leading a more sober one, if he ever does. And if he does relinquish his wild ways, you won't be attracted to him anymore and you'll feel about him the same way you felt for the other men you tried to date.

So not much can be done about it from where I stand.

Anonymous's picture

My question is that I've been with a girl and she has been my second longest relationship I've had. She never really goes out on occasion but will go out to support a friend for a birthday or event. So on average she would party 2-3 times a year, the rest of the year she spends with me, my family or her parents. Would you consider her to be a party goer or a club hopper?

Anonymous's picture

no offense. i'm not really sure why you think it's impossible for woman to a. have a master's degree b. know how to cook c. like to go out and have girls nights every once and again. are you trying to date a girl with no friends? wake up, it's 2014. when people hang out with friends these days they meet up at a bar for a drink. that doesn't mean she doesn't have her shit together and and is driven and ambitious.

it's that kind of thinking that makes guys so unable to find a suitable girl. you might as well go to a mormon combine if that's really what you want. i know plenty of ambitious women who also have some homemaker skills that like to go out and get sloshed every now and again. you are severely limiting yourself...but if that's what you want to do go ahead.

T. McNish's picture

You hypocritical prick! You get to be a party animal, sleeping with random chicks from the bar, then you expect women to act above that? How about considering we are all people, with the same issues, from a different perspective? How dare you accuse "party girls" of not being anything more than drunks. We have reasons too, like divorce, or being cheated on - we have issues to deal with too, and sometimes it hurts too much without alcohol. We know you understand that perspective, you LIVE it. Don't pretend you're above it, and we're not.

Anonymous's picture

Well written article, good stuff. I admit that my reasoning for reading this is to work out where I am on the scale of 'party girls'. I am a 27 year old who became an event organiser within the party scene. Im not talking about the scene where ladies wear next to nothing and the guys purchase champagne, I'm talking about the music orientated, hipster-ish, trendy scene. Where the focus is mostly the quality of the music and maybe the (drugs). I would say the ladies in this scene are still partying and maybe still pulling guys, but the focus is well and truly not all about that. Other night life scenes are. So my point is to not to hard everyone who goes to clubs with this brush. It is a small percentage of the overall nightlife (maybe 5-10%) but it exists. My BF who is 37 is a music fan and we have this connection, because he recognises that I dominantly into the music. Despite this though, I am putting how I feel about nightlife into perspective. I am now training to be a counsellor, recognising a deeper interest and also know that this industry is short lived. I look at those involved in it for their whole careers and they mostly don't come off well, some have managed to keep some wholesome integrity but they are rare. At this age my friendships are dwindling from this scene. I have a childhood female friend who is single and normally the only way to see her is to go to bars with her. I find the bars she likes boring, but to maintain the relationship I go.I know we'll be supportive of each other when we are 'settled down'. We went out last week and she was flirting and get attention (she is hot). I got one chat up line and thats only because I accidentally punched him in the face. It seems that since Ive coupled up I am invisible to these men. Which is a good thing!
What I am saying is - if the girl is the party girl instigator, then yes she's probably at higher risk to cheat, but if she is a follower (because of friendship) then there is less risk. Simple.

Matt Fraser's picture

Chase,

This is just what I needed to read. It couldn't have come at a better time. Of course while reading the article I couldn't help but think of all of the people who fit your descriptions being upset by it and thinking they're "different." I've been preaching this for years and to no avail.

The reason why this is just what I needed to read is because I am one of those people who seems to be a lifelong single person. I am constantly asked why I never have a girlfriend, why I don't do this, why I don't do that. And by this and that, I mean drink and go to clubs. Yes, you read that right. I am a 27 year old former athlete with a muscular/athletic physique, has a Philosophy degree, gets plenty of attention from women, but who also does not drink and does not go to clubs. Imagine that.

And you know why it is that I seem to always be single? Because I don't want a partner who drinks, clubs, or has girls' nights out. You have brilliantly spoken my mind better than I ever could have. Sure, I sleep with my fair share of women. And of all ages, up to their late 40's. But that does not mean I am going to make just any woman my partner. Just because I love sex (so much I considered going into porn in my early twenties) does not mean you can get away without stimulating me intellectually as well if you're looking for more. Because like you said, I want my partner to support and encourage me just as much as I am going to want to support and encourage her. I want to be a team. I want to take on this life together, holding hands instead of dragging each other down to get ahead.

It's exactly how you explained it. There is nothing wrong with girls who do the things mentioned. However, those girls are not who I want to make my partner. They put themselves in situations where infidelity is so much more prevalent and easily accessible. Not only that, but those types of behaviors are the types that indicate a lack of control. I do have one massive weakness in this whole situation, a lack of trust.

We all have them, right? Sure. But some of us learn from getting burned a little better than others. And truth be told, I have learned. I just unfortunately have held on to every ounce of betrayal I've ever experienced and it takes a toll on me daily. Channeling that problem is something I really need to work on and I'm not sure how it will ever get better. It's to the point where should the right person be available to make my partner, who provides that encouragement and support, I wonder if I will be able to even trust her. I would like to think that in the case of a woman like that, trusting would come much more easily.

But aside from that, I am living by the same creed underlined in this article. It was brilliant, and right on.

Yazawa Ai's picture

my boyfriend like to get drunk
like to party
enjoy boy' nights out and he loves to talk to other girls. in front of me, leave me there, talk to other girls all night, doing drugs with them, smoking, drinking, don't know what els.

he do this every 2 weeks or 3 or 4.... it hurts me when he do this.

but other times he with me is all good and loving. but he swear a lot when he driving, his parents are rich, i guess he can relax party, but i don't like to party. he also think I'm no fun. he get wired when he back from party. i sad every time he go party.

but he is so nice all other times... what should i do.

I have told him he hurts me when he do this, but he say he love to get dunk and talk to people he don't know. what should I do?

Ryan's picture

Hi Chase! Interesting article.

While I agree with you in the most part about screening girls who drink and party too much, I wonder where the line can be drawn with these girls. Like how about the girl who has a friendly meal and drink over dinner with her girlfriends and they decide to get a few drinks at a bar nearby? Or how about a girl who attends an event for her uni course faculty and has a few drinks with her uni friends?

In Australia and also Europe (where I've spent some time), drinking is engrained in the culture much more than other societies. I would hazard a guess that in the US, alcohol consumption is far more conservative than other societies, partly due to the prohibition of the 1920s. I once heard the comedian Arj Barker state the difference between attitudes on drinking in the US vs. Australia. While in Australia the socially acceptable thing is to drink with friends or "go out" to a bar. In the US Arj Baker states, it's more like "Oh look at so and so...drinking at a bar on a WEEKDAY....what a desperate man....come on guys, let's go drink behind closed doors".

As a general rule, perhaps yes, the girls that drink, club and party are far more impulsive, crazy and narcissistic. However, there is always a distribution curve and exceptions to the rule. Just like not all girls you approach in day game are going to be sweet, down-to-earth homely girls; not all girls that drink (at least in Australia) are all "crazies". However, maybe it is just that the 'girls that drink' distribution is skewed more to the 'crazy' end of the scale, than the 'normal' end of the scale.

My point is that what is socially acceptable to meet people of the opposite sex is different with different countries and cultures. The influence from the British and English in Australia has no doubt given rise to the popularity of the bar as a social meeting place. But from all accounts in your article, that is less so in the US than Europe or Australia (I need to test this in my next holiday to the US)

With regards to 'crazies' at bars, I think we have to take into account observation bias. Crazy girls are the ones that you approach and notice most compared to the shy girl getting a quiet drink with her friends in the corner. Instead of the wild party girl who is flipping her hair, begging for you to approach her. As the old saying goes: "not everything that matters can be counted, and not everything you can count, matters"-Einstein. Are you really going to approach who is seated in the corner wearing less revealing clothing, compared to the party girl with tight clothing, when you primary motivation for going out is sex? Didn't think so.

It would be interesting getting some kind of data on here, as observation can only lead so far.
Keep up the good work,

Dan

Lovelle's picture

Hey Dan, I agree with you that it's hugely cultural. As a Brit, going out drinking is something we do to socialise. It really doesn't mean we're "crazies". My girl friends and I go out occasionally and while we have party and have fun, we've never hooked up with anyone on our nights out. We enjoy dancing in our group and we don't even dress up for the ocassion - just comfy clothes we could move freely in. I see so many guys in the comments agreeing with Chase but these are also the same guys who always glosses over the quiet ones in favour of the scantily-dressed girls begging to be kissed. At the end of the day, partying is whatever you make it out to be. Not every girl is the same.

Anonymous's picture

What if I have a woman that reads books, watches movies, chats with friends and is supportive and helpful in my life - but has an occasional night out but doesn't dance or go off with people that arent her girl friends ._.

malik's picture

Best advice. You must know this and If you ever happen yo be in Africa, please get in touch.it would be an honor to soebd some time with you on person.

Moonlightgirl's picture

Interesting article, although i hold a sightly different view than the one you hold, even though that has a lot to do with my own life experiences. Now a little about myself: I'm university student, 21 years-old, and i'm definitely not into the party scene. The reason why i am not into the party scene has a lot to do with my personality type, which is that of an introvert, and honestly the noise bothers me a lot. Additionally, i don't go out for girls night out or into drinking. I prefer to spend my time doing productive things or things that actually matter to me, such as studying, working, reading, travelling, etc. With that said, its kind of sad that most people my age look at me and think that i'm not living my life truly simple because i'm not doing what the people my age are up to these days(e.g partying, getting drunk, hooking up). However, i'm not the type to look down on others, simply because they engage in that lifestyle.

Fuck a hoe but merry a virgin analogy:

What i noticed about the views most guys hold nowadays is that, if a girl is into the party scene or if she's the type that likes to engage in causal sex, most guys(but not all guys) will still hookup with her, but they will think that she is not worthy of being their girlfriend or even future spouse. I mean, you went to the club knowing fully that you are probably going to meet women, whom just like you, are also looking to just have fun, so what's the problem here? All i'm saying in this case is that, you need to be real with yourself and stop blaming others for something you willingly consent to in the first place.

Those party girls are just like you, in a stage in their life where they are still young and just want to gain fun life experiences. At some point, they will, just like you, wake up from that euphoria state of mind, and realize that, though the experiences was nice, they want something more stable and serious. With that said, you need to stop judging them and start searching deeply within yourself so you could find some of the things you are really looking for and what makes you happy.

To chase,

I actually do kind of agree with you in that, i think more guys should realize that there is more life to than just chasing after party girls, while wondering that why things aren't going the directions you want it to, whether be it in terms of relationships with those girls or whatever else. And i think the answer has to do with them not being right for you at that particular stage in their lives, but this is not to say that they're not the right ones for you in the future. And if you have realized things aren't working out, i believe this is because you have waken up from that state of euphoria, and realized that you need something different. If that's the case, good for you then. I believe people are responsible for their own actions, so if somewhere down the road if things go wrong, please do not blame anybody. Instead, go on a journey that will help you figure out what it is that you want from your life, whether its in terms of relationship, career, family, etc.

Xerxes 's picture

When i read your article it was like i was reading my own life story ! This is so fucking true and anyone who sas this isnt is fucking lying to himself.

Anonymous's picture

that the author has got it right on the money. Unfortunately, many guys do not figure this out until well into marriage, after kids, etc. Then bam, late 30's hits and his wife is sleeping with multiple men behind his back.

Emily's picture

I appreciate that the author does not "judge party girls". However, I don't completely agree with this post. It's not fair to draw two separate circles, one for girls who party and one for girls who want to "better" themselves. I believe that it should be more of a Venn diagram; there are certainly girls who exist in both. As a former sorority girl from a college town that is ranked in the "top party schools" list, I don't deny that I party often. I go out on average once or twice a week, even now that I've graduated. Most of the time, I just go out with girlfriends, sometimes with a co-ed group of friends. But at the same time, I took my coursework seriously while in school, and I have an interview with my top choice medical school lined up right now. When I was in school, I took 18 credit hours (the maximum without an approved overload request) every semester except my last, so I could double major in biology and psychology (and to take save room for some classes I just wanted to take for the fun of it). I also completed research for two semesters in the biology/health field, for two semesters in psychology/developmental disorders, volunteered at eldercare homes/Ronald McDonald houses/hospitals and was actively involved in a co-ed service fraternity in addition to working part-time in one of my semesters as a research assistant. But I also dressed up and went to mixers/cocktails/fraternity parties. In order to fit all of that into my schedule, I lived in the library during midterms and finals weeks. I believe it's perfectly possible to balance partying and bettering oneself, so it's not fair to separate party girls and girls who seek to "better" themselves into two categories without any overlap.

arle's picture

I agree with everything you've said in this article, however I think there are certain women out there that are wild cards. I dated a girl who didn't have any friends, didn't party, but she did drink when we went out which I thought was normal. She ended up cheating on me with a guy who was 14 years older than her, divorced, with a kid, and had a girlfriend at the time. She was a money grubbing hoe and was very materialistic. I would say that a few red flags may be overly materialistic women who don't have any friends as well. It's not normal for a woman to not have friends in my opinion. This girl was a full blown narcissist.

Diogo Gomes's picture

Thank you. That is all I really want to say you. Because of the fact that most of the women I've meet was the party ones, I made the mistake of create this misconception that most of women are like this. Crazy bitches that didn't think about tomorrow. But I honestly believe you're right, brother. We just don't meet this valuable girls, so we don't even consider them before assuming a relationship. The ones we see that are this kind of girls we assume that are exceptions, but really this is the true?

Thank you and thank you.

Anonymous's picture

I agree with you on many levels on this article, however I would greatly appreciate it if you were to elaborate on the The Whirlwind of Chaos. I feel as though I am currently in that position and would like it if you were to kindly create a new article on this subject which deals with an analysis on the subject. Such an analysis should also include ways of overcoming this whirlwind, I particularly see how well you used this metaphor because it demonstrates not only the internal conflict that goes on in ones self but also the external reprecautions. by this i mean that yes in my scenario it has set me back in terms of education and during this time my performance in education it has had the effect of doing really good and plumbing to lows in matters of days similarly to a tornado or in this case a whirlwind. without dwelling too much on the philosophy of English lit.

Anonymous's picture

I'm dating a guy who've met all his ex girl friends clubbing. He drives a nice car and pretty well off, according to him girls flirt with him at pubs and it's easy for him to get girls. Recently, I found out his girls he dated were super models, Miss Thailand, celebrities, etc. All his previous relationship ended with the girl bumping him or because his ex is sleeping with someone else.

He's 34, and keep saying he is ready to settle down with a girl who can take care of him, and his family. He says he loves me and even took me out of dinner with his family the 1st month of our relationship. Yet, from time to time he would make physical comparison between me (I'm a chubby girl) and his G cup ex girl friend. I am a bit scared, in that I think he is only picking me because he thinks I'm wife material. But deep inside, he wants a super model girl friend who can perform porn star moves in bed.

Do guys who say they are willing to settle down mean it? Do you compare between your girl next door with your hot party girl ex?

It is scaring the heck out of me..

Franco Lombardi's picture

Anon,

You're running into what is the difficult part of being a woman, which is trying to tie down a potentially high-value man without being cast aside as another stepping stone in his life. There's really no "great" advice here since it probably depends solely on the desires of your boyfriend, and if he's unsure of what his wants are, then he's going to say things that later don't match his actions.

It could very well be true that he wants to settle down. One thing you need to remember is that, assuming this guy dated some extremely physically attractive women, he may have encountered some soulfully "empty" ones as well. It's very possible these women caused a ton of drama in his life, and maybe his tastes have changed. Every time he sees a "G-cup" girl walking down the street, maybe it reminds him of all the terrible situations he was in with his ex. Or maybe he misses it -- it's difficult to tell, and that's why it's difficult being a woman. We encourage guys on here to be honest with their intentions with women, but we do that because we know the majority of men out there are either (a) not honest or (b) think they want one thing and then flip-flop and want something else.

As to your question about whether or not men compare partners, let me ask you this: do you ever compare him to your previous boyfriends/lovers? Or do you compare previous boyfriends/lovers to the ones before them? Most likely the answer to this is "yes." It is my belief that everyone compares, especially if one is looking to enter a long-term relationship with a person. It's just a natural thing to do when spending lots of intimate time with another individual -- you're likely to compare those times with other ones that you've had in the past.

As a woman, you need to find the balance between showing love and appreciation for your man without smothering him with attention. Find out about what things he really loves, and attempt to help him achieve those things. Simultaneously, give him space when he desires it. And of course, as much as it may pain you to hear it, always be prepared to exit the relationship if you believe it's no longer healthy for you to be in it. What is "healthy" should be determined by you and your feelings, so if your feelings are mostly negative, then perhaps the relationship is not meant to be. On the other hand, if you are very content with the way things are going, then there's no reason to change what isn't broken.

- Franco

Matt-p's picture

G-

At my university I found many girls who don't party in clubs.

I usually used to hang out with people who go to Church. We had many hot girls going to young-adult Church meetings (200 girls + in one meeting). I do not say they are all not party girls. But I found that many of them have very good morals when it comes to loyalty and dating.

If you look you will find. Trust me, I did. I don't say Chriaians are better but a lot of them have different values to begin with.

Thanks.

JoeAmerica's picture

Western party girls behave in similar ways to street prostitutes and make many of the same lifestyle choices. American stripper/prostitute and Thai bar girls behaviours are more of less the same. Many personal accounts about this on Stickmans site.
http://www.stickmanbangkok.com/Reader2007/reader3885.htm
http://www.stickmanbangkok.com/reader/reader288.html
http://www.stickmanweekly.com/ReadersSubmissions2010/reader5716.htm
http://www.stickmanweekly.com/Weekly/weekly228.htm

In traditional cultures around the world women who take up the whoring lifestyle are branded as un-marriageable for good reason. There are lifestyle choices girls who club, party, and drink/drugs have made and it is often not possible for them to form stable relationships, ever. In main stream media there is a Disneyfication of female nature that young guys may unknowingly swallow and make gross errors in there judgments about women. You can check out Sandman's youtubes too for more references on female nature.
https://www.youtube.com/user/SandmanMGTOW

karma's picture

This should be a no-brainer to us guys, clubbing or party girls just to take them to bed but no girlfriend or wife material there, I also learned my lesson just like the writer did.

Lord Jargon's picture

realest shit i ever read.

Matt Anonymouslastname's picture

Amen brother!

Anonymous's picture

I definitely believe in screening a girl before showing your emotions, and seeing a relationship as a business investment(bias opinion- I'm a business student). This lesson came to me in what I think could be the hardest way possible. I have yet to have settled down with a loyal partner, and it just so happens they were all "party girls". On another note, avoid bi-sexual girls as well, they just have more options to choose from when committing infidelity. In my most recent relationships, I let my emotions show before I even found out she was a party girl, some how she persuaded me to fall madly in love before revealing her true colours. I have never been into partying; I have always looked into the future imagining what I want from life and taking the necessary actions that will allow me to strive for my goals. I'm a Finance major at one of the best Business schools in Canada, currently waiting to here back on my early acceptance in to Law School for next Fall. I have a 4.1 GPA and have been on the deans list for four consecutive semesters, I also scored a 164 on the LSAT. The reason I am saying all this is to express the type of person I am(organized, self-motivated and goal-oriented), but I made the stupid mistake of falling in love before I knew that this girl was firstly; a party girl and secondly; was failing out of university. Take it from me, and don't make the same mistakes. I'm currently still searching for a woman who has the same priorities, but it has been an uphill battle. Who knows, maybe I'll find her in Law School!
Thanks for the article, it was a great read!

Cheers

Mika's picture

Well Thank you Chase for this eye opener, I've been hung up,sort of,on a girl who does all three,she's a friend and though she rejected me when I asked her out,we remained friends . I secretly hoped she would see how great I am but she continued not to. My friends kind of warned me but I saw it too late and wasted a bit of my life but I see it now and due to my small social circle,it's been difficult to break the spell but slowly and surely I'm getting there. God bless

Michelle's picture

I rarely comment on posts like these. But as a 28 year old female who has written 8 books, reads 50-80 books a year, and also enjoys going to girls night out once or twice a week to enjoy ladies night and have a fun time dancing, I think you're making terrible generalizations about so called "party girls."

You can't assume that every woman out at a bar is a vapid bimbo who hops into bed with any man who buys her a drink. And it's silly to think that a woman who enjoys girls night out once or twice a month, or who has a few drinks to celebrate fun occasions is a "party girl" who "isn't worth your time." People are complex. They have layers. They deserve more credit than you're giving them.

I literally don't know one female who doesn't enjoy a fun girls night out once or twice a month. Even my most studious friends let loose on occasion. The "non-party girls" you describe sound like really boring human beings.

Willowmina's picture

So my ex of 4.5yrs and I broke up. We have a chils together... The night that we broke up he officially started going out with the girl im mosy certain he was cheating on me with (for a month or so).. Ee were intimate a few times until I slapped my own face and realize what an idiot I was being. The last time we were intimate I told him that I didn't want nor I deserved to be second, and that if he wanted to work things out I'd be willing to give him a chance (for our family)... He responded "yah, but what am I supposed to do with thia girl now?“ and that "how about we do it slowly" to which I obviously reaponded no. ... However this girl is 1)fresh of the boat 2) friends with ex's best friend's mistress, 3) obe of those girla that do anything as long as she has a sugar daddy... My point is that my ex now is drinking all the tine, they go out every weekend and drink party and all that. He's just behaving totally irresponsibly, and his mentally has gobe backwards, and on top it seems that he's playing victim (me being the ogre) he even refuses to see our child unless he can be with his "booty gf" and I just KNOW that he is in a really bad mental space. I no longer contact him so he doesn't have the excuse that im jealous and trying to "interfere " with his relationship... However every time he's contacted me he makes it about his relationship and that im jealous and that, that is the reason why I don't let him see our child...which in reality I told him yhathe could see /take our child as much as he'd like (I really want them to have astrong bond as I did as a child) however because our child is still a toddler, I did saythat it was best if the girl doesn't get involved and that I would prefer for the wellness of our child, if he only spent time one on one with our child. I even spoke to a counselor and I got advised that Yes! It was better that way. However he hasn't seen our child, and when he txts me, he makes it as if im being a total b**ch and "separating" him fron his oh so beloved child. I know he's getting reallybad advise, cause all of his friends are in bad relationships where they're all cheating and have long-time mistresses and their wives are ok wiyh it as long as they stillprovide and sleep at home...for the most part. He seems totally inlove with this girl in such short time, but I know shes in it just just for the car and all the extra perks. What surprises me even more is that this girl is exactly everything that he said he would never ever get with. He is even at parties of people he doesnt even get along with and criticised their way of living (partying, sleeping around, and getting smashed, and not getting ahead) it also seems that this girl is totally brain washing him and she's a biy younger. He's 31. And to me hr seems to br acting like a college boy, and being a total idiot... Police even contacted me this morning saying that his car was being driven at 5am yhis morning im guessing he was going home really drunk, and the girl prolly driving (without a license)... Dunno it feels like he's letting himself totally go downhill really fast. I'm just worried he's gonna smash his face on a wall real hard :(... a feq days back he texted me about our daughter again, but he started arguing with me from the 1st text he sent...I knew he had been drinking though. Cause he'd postedon whatsapp where he posts what hes doing constantly.. And that's the only social media I left open. -Also everything about me is bad and negative. Wrong in his opinion/mind. Can anyone please give me some input!??? My mind is really just WTF!!! Is this guy doing???? I knew he had lots of issues, but now Pfff he just went overboard... Real quick!

Thanks

Willowmina's picture

So my ex of 4.5yrs and I broke up. We have a chils together... The night that we broke up he officially started going out with the girl im mosy certain he was cheating on me with (for a month or so).. Ee were intimate a few times until I slapped my own face and realize what an idiot I was being. The last time we were intimate I told him that I didn't want nor I deserved to be second, and that if he wanted to work things out I'd be willing to give him a chance (for our family)... He responded "yah, but what am I supposed to do with thia girl now?“ and that "how about we do it slowly" to which I obviously reaponded no. ... However this girl is 1)fresh of the boat 2) friends with ex's best friend's mistress, 3) obe of those girla that do anything as long as she has a sugar daddy... My point is that my ex now is drinking all the tine, they go out every weekend and drink party and all that. He's just behaving totally irresponsibly, and his mentally has gobe backwards, and on top it seems that he's playing victim (me being the ogre) he even refuses to see our child unless he can be with his "booty gf" and I just KNOW that he is in a really bad mental space. I no longer contact him so he doesn't have the excuse that im jealous and trying to "interfere " with his relationship... However every time he's contacted me he makes it about his relationship and that im jealous and that, that is the reason why I don't let him see our child...which in reality I told him yhathe could see /take our child as much as he'd like (I really want them to have astrong bond as I did as a child) however because our child is still a toddler, I did saythat it was best if the girl doesn't get involved and that I would prefer for the wellness of our child, if he only spent time one on one with our child. I even spoke to a counselor and I got advised that Yes! It was better that way. However he hasn't seen our child, and when he txts me, he makes it as if im being a total b**ch and "separating" him fron his oh so beloved child. I know he's getting reallybad advise, cause all of his friends are in bad relationships where they're all cheating and have long-time mistresses and their wives are ok wiyh it as long as they stillprovide and sleep at home...for the most part. He seems totally inlove with this girl in such short time, but I know shes in it just just for the car and all the extra perks. What surprises me even more is that this girl is exactly everything that he said he would never ever get with. He is even at parties of people he doesnt even get along with and criticised their way of living (partying, sleeping around, and getting smashed, and not getting ahead) it also seems that this girl is totally brain washing him and she's a biy younger. He's 31. And to me hr seems to br acting like a college boy, and being a total idiot... Police even contacted me this morning saying that his car was being driven at 5am yhis morning im guessing he was going home really drunk, and the girl prolly driving (without a license)... Dunno it feels like he's letting himself totally go downhill really fast. I'm just worried he's gonna smash his face on a wall real hard :(... a feq days back he texted me about our daughter again, but he started arguing with me from the 1st text he sent...I knew he had been drinking though. Cause he'd postedon whatsapp where he posts what hes doing constantly.. And that's the only social media I left open. -Also everything about me is bad and negative. Wrong in his opinion/mind. Can anyone please give me some input!??? My mind is really just WTF!!! Is this guy doing???? I knew he had lots of issues, but now Pfff he just went overboard... Real quick!

Kate's picture

Women feel the same way about men who likes clubbing, drinking and going to strip clubs. We don't want to worry all the time if you're going to cheat on us at some point. In my case, I would rather be single and have peace of mind than be in a relationship with a man like this.

Matheus's picture

Hey Chase
I'm not a party man, but in January (this year) I started dating this girl who rented a room in my apartment, her boyfriend at the time helped she move in, 5 days later she began to talk with me and we had sex. At the time my trigger warning was already on, but the "she is different" won. In the beggining she didn't go out often and basicly expend all day with me, litterelly all day, from the first weak to the end; she was a amazing lover, and wanted to have sex all day, and so we did. I was planning to emigrate to Canada (I'm Brazilian) and I gave up because of her, she talked like her life deppends on mine, she was a "gluey person".
By the 4th month I had a thought weak, and I focused only in my study, she said I was rude with hear... Out of the blue, she tells me that a old boyfriend was going to sleep over because he didn't have a place to stay in the city that day. The next day she was already like a dog who knows she fuc#ed up, and I call her whore and stuff, and she lye on my bed crying.
By the 5th month ago she began to go out more, she meet a girl who is absolutelly hot, and began to go out one to three times a week.
In the last week I'm planning to go with my family to visit my syster, she went out and came 8am at home, the party would end at 5 am tops, I guessed at the time.
Didn't care to much, this the next party, it was a cold day, like 6º C, and she went out anyway. 2 AM was the last time I see her online on whatsapp.

By the 5th month ago she began to go out more, she meet a girl who is absolutelly hot, and began to go out one to three times a week.
In the last week I'm planning to go with my family to visit my syster, she went out and came 8am at home, the party would end at 5 am tops, I guessed at the time.
Didn't care to much, till the next party, it was a cold night, like 6º C, and she went out anyway. I gave her a ride and picked up her friend(girl), 2 AM was the last time I see her online on whatsapp, by am 5:30 I went to the club and found out that this was closed about a hour ago (I talked with a taxidriver who works in front of it). 6AM she was online on whatsapp, I didn't said anything ultil it was 6:35, I asked her where he was, and she said she got a ride from some friends and she and her friend was going to her friends apartment, Isaid that I could pick her up, she deflected, I went to the building and she admited that she was at a hotel. Then the history got even more confused and when she came back she was denying to the point I broke her bed-table and called her a whore, she started to hit me and I hold her arms and throw her out of my room, she threatened to press charges.
She said that she slept in a room alone, that room was paid by her friends and she didn't mention the names, and one time it was 3 and then it was 2, one time her friend was with her, the other she wasn't. She thinks this is normal, and I am the wrong because I called her a whore.
Thanks for your article, it was very helpful, sorry for my bad english.

Matt Anonymouslastname's picture

This is probably one of the best articles I've ever read in my life. Amazing. I just got out of a tumultuous year-long relationship with a party girl. Throughout the relationship, I told her time and time again that I was tired of the drinking. Every time she drank, or went out and partied, or had a "girls night out" I completely lost focus on all of my goals and objectives in life. I'm 30, and in my last year of my undergrad, with a 4.0 gpa and plans of moving on to law school (long story, I was a bit of a fuck up in my younger years). For the prior three years to meeting this girl, I had been on the straight and narrow. My confidence was high, I was bedding beautiful co-eds, I was absolutely CRUSHING it in school and in work, and I was in great shape. Along comes this girl. We meet at the bar, we go back to my place, we have sex. Red flag, obviously, for relationship material. For whatever reason that I cannot pinpoint now, I pursued a relationship with this girl. Out of all the women I had picked up at the bar and screwed, I somehow thought this one was "different." Big mistake. Fast forward one year and my life was in absolute shambles. I lost my job, I got my first "B" in a class, I got completely out of shape, and my confidence was at an all-time low. After nearly six months of incessant fighting and constant stress and worrying about what she was up to, I reached my breaking point and ended it. Now keep in mind, this was not a drink 5 times a week and come home sloshed hardcore party girl. She was a moderate party girl. But I didn't want that. Like you said, I wanted a girl that would be an asset to my life, not a detriment. Someone who made me stronger, not weaker. I thought I could change her, and I was wrong. I spiraled into emotional chaos. She was the only thing on my mind 24/7, and I was unable to focus on my job, my schoolwork, my fitness, or studying for the LSAT.
Anyways, the point is this: This article describes precisely everything I went through while dating a party girl. As an intelligent man who has a lot of ambition, I'm ashamed at how weak and vulnerable I became. Thank you so much for writing this. It has given me so much insight into what happened in this relationship, and has literally been a life-changing experience for me and how I'll date going forward. Thanks again man.

- Matt in Colorado

ofcourse's picture

Is obvious that party girls are only good for one thing only and that is not dating them haha

Wiser now's picture

I just read your article about girlfriends unleashing the whirlwind of chaos for the second time. I was in a relationship with a woman who had done just that several times when I read it the first time. She kept putting herself in those situations to cheat. Yeah she was gorgeous. Well she did it again and the relationship ended. I remembered that article and finally found it. It's like you were talking straight to me. I'm in a better place now and now know what to look for to keep those winds in my life calm. Thanks Chase.

Julio  Santiago's picture

Just got out of a relationship with a party girl and you nailed it. It hurt but the more I looked back I it, she was never going to change and she was a huge distraction. Your article I an saving and recommending. Thanks

Foshizzlethunda's picture

My ex would always tell me she never liked going out, didn't like drinking or doing drugs etc... 2 years later she breaks up with me and she's a party animal haha. Girls will do anything to cater to your ego. Remember this; How a girl is when she isn't in a relationship, is the REAL HER.

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