How Girls Show Interest | Girls Chase

How Girls Show Interest

Women are subtle in how they show interest. Well, by male standards, anyway. Even when women think they are blatantly obvious, they’re quite often being very subtle by male standards.

Learning to tell how girls show interest is a very valuable skill for a man, because it will allow him to operate with greater assurance he’s making the right move at the right time, and will also allow him to pick up the pace when a woman signals she is ready.

The last couple of girls I slept with surprised me a little at how quickly they were ready to get together. They gave me some hints that probably would’ve seemed fairly subtle; a friend of mine remarked that one of the girls I took home and bedded rather quickly quite recently hadn’t even seemed to be terribly interested in me, and that it just looked like we were having a good conversation. Being able to read the signals they gave me was the main reason I moved as quickly with them as I did.

Chase AmanteAbout the Author: Chase Amante

Chase woke up one day in 2004 tired of being alone. So, he set to work and read every book he could find, studied every teacher he could meet, and talked to every girl he could talk to to figure out dating. After four years, scads of lays, and many great girlfriends (plus plenty of failures along the way), he launched this website. He will teach you everything he knows about girls in one single program in his Mastery Package.


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Anonymous's picture

Well this is all very true though I can't be sure how much it'd help someone recognise these signs that didn't already know them. In all I'd just advise that if you want to know how to tell just keep a good mental log of how women have behaved when you were in luck (particularly if it came as a surprise) and just use gut instinct to see how future interactions match with those past ones. Fear or poor self esteem is the only thing that gets in the way.

Anyway that's not why I'm commenting. What about coercion? You're bemoaning these poor unfortunate women who lost their chance of a lifetime for a one night stand with you essentially because they said no. Eight or twelve asks?!

If after browbeating they cave in then yes it's lust but against their better judgement and seeing as you're going to ditch them, that's some damn good judgement. I realise on holiday it's implicit you're not going to stick together, but hey man not everyone's on holiday.

I ended up on your page because I was trying to find a decent way to let down a girl I had a one night stand with and is now properly interested. It's something I never usually do for exactly this reason but she was just too hot so with just a bit of pushing a pub fire escape gantry got put to the best use of its life.

Got any tips on that?

Chase Amante's picture

Hey Anon,

Thanks for the comment. I'm happy to take the chance to clarify.

Coercion is using force or intimidation to get someone to do something. Coercion is not the same as persistence; the two are worlds apart.

Persistence is telling a girl you'd like to spend time with her and she should come with you, possibly a handful of times (typically, it's really only 2 - 5 times max; 10 or 12 is doable, though depending on the situation may or may not be excessive). She can:

  • Say "Okay" and go with you
  • Say "I don't know" or "I don't think I can" but stay talking to you anyway
  • Say "No" and walk away

Coercion, on the other hand, is when you remove the final option -- when she can't walk away.

I'd never advocate something like that, and I'd quite vehemently rail against anyone who did.

Also, there's a tone in your comment that suggests you believe women only sleep with men they intend to date / marry / spend their lives with (except on holiday). It's a little reality-distorting for many men to hear, but in fact... women -- just about all women -- LOVE intimacy in and of itself! Communicating you're not a candidate for boyfriend-hood is vital, both in setting the right expectations for the girl and in achieving intimacy without burdening yourself with all the extra hoops to jump through that being considered for boyfriend status comes with.

As to the girl you took in the fire escape...! That's about as manly a place you could take a girl; I'm not surprised she wants to see you again! Try this post for letting her down easy:

Let a Girl Down the Right Way


Anonymous 2.0's picture

Hey Chase, I've been hanging out with this chick for the past cpl months and I really only thought of her as a friend, and I thought she saw me as a friend too. But recently she invited me to her place for dinner and movies. She seemed to have spent a lot of time and money on dinner. Was it just a friendly gesture? She's been out of town for a while, but she wants to get together this weekend. I think I might like her, what should I do, continue to play it cool or make a move? Thanks in advance!

Anonymous's picture

I'm assuming you're afraid of going over. I know it because I ask the same question in those situations. You know she likes you but you're not admitting it to yourself - you're not being conscious about it. She might like you but isn't conscious about it either.

Anonymous's picture

I'm pretty mad because I messed up too many times. Great article, thank you Chase

jimbob's picture

This was a good read, I have often been confused regarding mixed signals and have often assumed that the girl just wasn't that interested to begin with. But then in some cases it's obvious that the girl is feigning disinterest because she feels exposed and isn't sure if you like her or are just being friendly.
I guess it depends on the context because sometimes different rules seem to apply for the same situation. For instance, I know most of the time if a girl senses you're attracted to her and she starts talking about her boyfriend, it's a clear sign that she's not interested. But I've witnessed a girl who seemed to be giving me the signs, and then would occasionally talk about her boyfriend, I believe to see how it effected me and to observe my reaction for jealousy, because she wasn't sure if I liked her. So in this situation it felt like talking about her boyfriend meant she was interested. Very confusing.
Actually my favourite is if I talk to a girl at work for maybe 20 minutes or so and we have a good conversation or whatever, the next day I'll see her and she'll have her hair all done and a bit of extra make up on, making herself look stunning, perfume etc, but she'll act like it 'ain't no thang' and completely ignore me unless I go and talk to her.
But anyway what I wanted to ask you is regarding what I sometimes read about when I stumble on to PUA forums or other dating websites. Apparently you're supposed to mix showing interest and feigned disinterest with girls, to make them want you more and try and come after you a little bit and win your approval. I've never really tried this consciously, but in my experience showing interest and then showing a lack of interest for whatever reason results in the girl recoiling as if she has been rejected and then she feigns disinterest with the “Oh, I wasn’t really interested in him" attitude you mentioned. Even with really beautiful girls I've seen this, they rarely respond positively to interest mixed with disinterest, sometimes they just act confused, once I actually saw a look of anguish on this girls face because she thought I was rejecting her by not flirting with her, after that she ignored me for quite a while. I think it's maybe a self esteem issue or issues they have surrounding rejection, or maybe they've been burnt too many times, but it seems that even the beautiful women have average self esteem these days (I live in the UK by the way). Maybe because they're so gorgeous they're used to guys hounding them 24/7 so if you show disinterest they take it literally, I don't know, but to me it seems like a pointless and hit and miss technique. I'm only interested really because I almost lost a girl by doing this unintentionally, because I was really tired that day and and acted disinterested towards her, and she reacted badly to this and seemed hurt. What are your thoughts on this.

Chase Amante's picture

Howdy Jimbob, yeah, it took me a long time to shake off that "act disinterested" mumbo jumbo you'll pick up in pick up circles.

The advice is well-intended, but it's only partially correct. It'd be far better if the advice was "show interest in a subtle, sexy way" instead of "show no interest at all whatsoever."

Even with beautiful girls, you're right, not showing interest doesn't work. And the more attractive and powerful you become, the more not showing interest doesn't work. Just like a guy might talk to a really beautiful girl for a moment, and if he doesn't get any hint of interest he'll give up and leave, so too will women -- even beautiful women -- quickly give up on men they feel aren't interested.

I'd agree with you that even most beautiful women have average self-esteem. Feigning disinterest is almost always a losing battle -- seek to convey your interest with social grace and subtlety instead.

I'll try and get a post up on this soon, it's a good topic.


Nicko's picture

Hey Chase could you tell me if I still have a chance with this girl? I left my table in a bookstore to get an energy drink and when I came back she was sitting in my seat all propt up and showing off her legs. I sat down and talked to her and she randomly asked me where I lived, I was pretty surprised that she asked that but due to past experience with women would've never guessed she was wanting to go to my place then and there. Was she? I got her number and called her to test if it was her number and it was. I asked her if she wanted to hang out sometime, she said yes but then told me she has a fiance. When I texted her I never got a reply. This just happened today. I still have her number, what do you think? Do I still have a chance?

Anonymous's picture

Hi Jimbob,

You had a lot of interesting things to offer... good reading! As a woman who has been through all of the above scenarios I can tell you what my hot and cold spells come from. I was the ugly duckling who learned humility early in life and did not bloom (and bloom I did) till my twenties and the world of men opened up to me in all kinds of ways. I am
fortunate to have known the All the signs, trials and trivial of the courtship dance.

From my prospective there are basically 2 kinds of guys. The "keepers" and the" throw'em back". There are way too many guys who just go for the chase & bed but don't want any responsibilities to put into a relationship because there are other fish in the sea.
One of the reactions women get is the hot and cold shoulder. It has been widely observed by us that this often means they are interested one moment and ready to move on if this is going to be too much trouble. How many times have I given in after a long hold out period just to have the guy calling when it is convenient. Then they are all freaked when we "throw'em back".
There seems to be such a fine line and knowing when it is safe to cross it, as men will generally move quickly to the next conquest. NO woman.... I mean NO WOMAN wants to be in the string of wall flowers waiting for the bee to visit, unless they are in it for fun and nothing else. So when a man runs hot then cold, you can count on the woman pulling in the welcome mat.... Often indefinitely, as so many men have proven this as "I'm on to the next girl now"!
I believe men are basically good people and want love just as we women what love, but I have encountered many guys who have a love/hate thing for pretty women. I can see that it happens for woman as well.... However...... when I see the "behavior," it is the "Don't Fall in the Quick Sand" sign! And I run the other way.

Men are definitely not entirely at fault.... I know I have given mixed signals as was stated in the article. I was raised to be a lady and ladies don't act like hussies or loved deprived passovers! SO, as the rule dictates, you throw them a line and hope they see the shinny lure, but since I have to act accordingly to my proper upbringing and save face to my peers and general public, I'm not jumping into the water to chase down the fish with my trusty, lusty hook! There will be another one along shortly!

Anonymous's picture

You complain about a man seeing you as "next in line". But then you end your post saying "there will be another one along shortly". Seems you see men in much the same way.

By your own perspective, I suppose you aren't really a "keeper" hahaha!

Anonymous's picture

But I've witnessed a girl who seemed to be giving me the signs, and then would occasionally talk about her boyfriend, I believe to see how it effected me and to observe my reaction for jealousy, because she wasn't sure if I liked her. So in this situation it felt like talking about her boyfriend meant she was interested. Very confusing.

TOTALLY AGREE!!! this happened to me too lol i was like wtf? why is she talking about her bf....

hypasmarty 's picture

Your article is mind opening, clearly there are a lot of us who suffer from oblivion. Now a guy like me will get a signal but when it gets covered up I feel insulted and immediately I just REFRAIN. Dude like I need one really long topic to encourage people like me coz this is making my intervals as a single person after a break up last months

Anonymous's picture

I sometimes end up in bed with girls but I have no clue as to if they want to have sex or not, what are some good indicators?

Chase Amante's picture

Hey Anon,

Well, not to be facetious, but if a girl's in your bed, she's pretty much out of options for making it any clearer she wants something to happen!

First off, if you're ending up with girls in your bed reasonably regularly, it means women like you a lot, and you're doing a great job. So keep doing what you're doing.

That said, I know you can get a little gun shy when you're new, but girls very, very, VERY rarely get in bed with guys they don't have any interest in sleeping with. Every time I've heard these stories from girls -- they went to bed with a guy, and he didn't make a move -- they were complaining. They figured he just was oblivious, or that there was something wrong with them and he didn't want them, or that maybe he really honestly did just want to be friends with them. Regardless, they're pretty much always really irritated about it.

So, next time you've got a girl in your bed, stop looking for indicators of interest -- the fact that she's in your bed is the loudest indicator you're ever going to get. Instead, grab her, pull her into you, start kissing her, start moving your hands over her body, and get her clothes off. She'll be grateful that you did.


Ryan's picture

Hi Chase,

I`ve this girl wich I sleep with regularly. I met her 2 months ago in a club. The first 2 weeks we dated a couple of times, but then she flaked. One week later we got in touch with each other again. She said we could be "just friends". So we went to the same club and I ended up that evening at her house in her bed.
That`s 3 weeks ago and since then we slept every Thursday with each other. We also kiss and hug in clubs/ in public, but she said just be friends.

What do you think? Is she into me or not? I really don`t know anymore.


P.S. excuse me for my bad english!

Anonymous's picture

Okay I'm a woman and I've come across this site to see if it would make sense. Firstly, if a woman is constantly sleeping with you and saying she "just wants to be friends," then you oughtta believe her. I've done the same thing to a guy. I would sleep with him and I'm pretty sure it was obvious that I wasn't romantically indebted AT ALL. I didn't want to cuddle with him, I didn't want to hang out after our "intimate sessions" and I didn't want him around my friends. I also frequently repeated that I only desired friendship but he didn't listen so that's his own fault. When a woman says she only wants friendship, she wants no emotional ties. Men often have the misconception that all women eventually become emotionally indebted into every guy who sets forth but no. It's very rare actually.

Anonymous's picture

Hey again, writer of the last question posted here. I read another one of your articles and you say you always should chose action over inaction? Does this pose true here too? Its better to start kissing a bit and see if you can lead it to sex then think "Well I dont want to impose/make her feel uncomfortable"?
GREAT site btw, found lots of good information here.

Chase Amante's picture

Hey Anon, you're very welcome.

Yes, it's absolutely true here. This is one of the main places that most men drop the ball -- they get a girl all the way back to their place or hers, and then they don't make a move.

I used to use the phrase, "You're the man, you must lead," a lot, because many newer guys don't realize (or they forget it in the moment) that women are pretty much NEVER going to be the ones who make a move. Even if they're going crazy on the inside hoping the two of you get together, they're still sitting there patiently waiting for you to do something -- or ending up terribly disappointed if you don't.

Check out "The Last 5%" for a bit more on this. You might also want to check out "Manhandle Kisses" for a technique you can use to good result even when you think a girl might not be ready to kiss you.

Hope you start converting some of those girls in your bed into lovers, brother!


MrC's picture

Yeah but what happens if she invites you to her room and then when you move in she literally pushes you away?

MrC's picture

A few months back a woman I was extremely interested im showed me most of these signs but mixed in alot of we can NEVER get together or connect type statememts and once asked me to come to her room while tv was off and blinds closed yet when I went in closer she literally pushed me away :?

I still didnt stop pursuing her yet despite what I interpretted as mixed signals until one day I saw her at a corner store and was casually speak to her when I noticed her head droop dowm so I decided not to say anything at all. Another night she walked right pass me on my block and there was no 1 else outside and when i called her name she totally ignored me. From that moment I quit trying cold turkey due to not wanting to make a fool out of myself

And now 4 months later many places I go in the small town that I live at ppl who know her shake their heads at me in a pitiful looking manner..i know she was interested in me not just from the signs you mentioned but also because she use to circle around my friend's house where I used to hang but never would stop..

What where is going on here as it left me extremely confused and she treats me like I got the Plague?

Chase Amante's picture

Hey MrC-

First, check out this post:

"Take Women to Bed: Successful Physical Escalation"

She was basically giving you what's known as token resistance -- just play resistance so that she can feel like she put up a bit of a fight, and then you took her like a man anyway. What sometimes happens with inexperienced guys though, is that they take token resistance seriously (thinking like a man would -- "If I ever pushed someone away, it would mean because I absolutely don't want it, so she must absolutely not want it"), they give up, and then the escalation window closes.

It sounds like it's too late at this point, but for the next time you run into last minute resistance with a girl, shrug it off, and keep being affectionate with her and stay with her there and stay in bed with her and keep kissing her and keep going for it. Eventually she's likely to give way... either the two of you will become lovers, or she'll leave or ask you to leave. So long as she's staying in the room with you and not kicking you out, you should take that as a strong sign she wants and expects something to happen.


Kevin's picture

Hey Chase, I stumbled across your site a few weeks ago, following a web browse elicited from sheer boredom and it promptly became one of my bookmarks! ;)

I'd just like to say thanks for all the work you do, it's really appreciated and having witnessed some pretty major results and changes in the way people approach me, I can attest to the effectiveness of your writings. As you highlighted in your article, I scanned back over some interaction I had with a girl at work a short while ago, and realized that she was giving off a LOT of signals, some of which I picked up on at the time. I think I just might make a move, which will be conditional to whether I've ignored too many signals or not. :(

How long, in your opinion, do you think women will keep sending out these signals, while not seeing their man reciprocate on any of them, until she just gives up?

Thanks for all the work,


Chase Amante's picture

Howdy Kevin,

Hey man, glad you like the site. Extremely cool to hear you've been seeing noticeably gains just from putting to use things you've picked up on here.

How long a woman will retain her interest is <i>highly</i> variable. I think the main determinants are:

  • How strong a first impression you made
  • How frequently she sees you and how sexual or not you are when she does
  • How many options she has and how good those options are

e.g., if you made a really strong first impression, she might've gotten infatuated with you right then, which means it'll last longer for her. If you made an ordinary first impression, it'll be a lot less. Or, if she has a number of options for dating but those options all suck, she'll likely stay interested in you longer than a girl who has a lot of attractive options, and new options continually coming onto the table. A lot of this you won't know -- you're not really going to know what her options look like until after the two of you are already lovers, and even then you might never really know -- so it's best to just move as quickly as possible and minimize the chance that life intervenes.


Frank 's picture

Because of these very questions, I've turned to search out for some answers and came across this article. I will try to make it short and sweet.

Met girl at a bar thru mutual friends. after 2 or 3 encounters of not speaking to each other, she leans in for a tight hug and says "hello" but no talking since the loud enviorment makes it difficult. On encounter 3 & 4 we began dancing closely, she's followed me to the bar while tightly holding hands with the fingers crossed as couples do. On encounter 4 she walked up to me and offered to buy me a drink. I think the mistake I may have made was decline the drink politely. I do have to say, that at some point another gentlemen walked up to her while I was dancing with her lonely friend (I didn't want her to feel like a 3rd wheel so I danced with her as well). This gentlemen asked her she dance and she said yes and began to. About 2 or 3 minutes in. I grabbed her hand and pulled her back to me and stood with me. Her friend offered to take a picture of us and she immediately came up to me and held me as if we were an item with her arms around me and mine around her's.

To me, everything looks like a go! So I decided to take a stroll back to the bar when I told her that I found her attractive. I felt that I should of just let it out instead of both wondering where this was leading to. Her replay was "oh". We finished out the night the same as our previous encounters. But I sent her a text message the next day "Hi, How are you?" and she replied and hour and a half later about something so unrelated to what my question was. I txted her back about 15 minutes "Oh, I'm glad to hear that. So, how's your day going?" later 3 days later I have yet to see a reply.

I'm in my early 30's and i've never encountered this issue. Now, in my experience, woman who have that type of interaction with men is part of a personality trait. Not to say they aren't the same with woman but men can easily misunderstand that type of correspondence which I've always had a difficult time deciphering.

What are you thoughts and suggestions in this matter. I feel like letting it go and move on but those weird and mixed signs have got me wondering.


Anonymous's picture

So I was at a party last night, and a girl I never really knew and only had seen once on occasion before seemed like she was quite interested in me. She came up to me and asked if I remembered who she was and although I was slightly intoxicated I did. Then she says "your Rober...wait no Brandon." So things progress forward and we make a little chit chatter of our first time meeting upon the point when .she realizes that I was intoxicated and she says "You're fu#@3d up" I then invite her and suggest I go get her some as well, however she says she doesn't drink. After this point she still shows many IOI's
She repeatedly says 'Oh you're so funny" or "OMG, I Love you." She also touches my stomach and arms a lot and allows me to wrap my arm around her and touch her hand and back of her elbow. So everything seemed to be going well. Then the point where I believe it went downhill was when I asked her to show me to the bathroom, because this was a party at a place I had never been but she knew, she grabbed my arm and walked me their until she said "Hey Ashley, show him the bathroom."
I have no idea why she didn't come with me, it seems like all the signs show she wanted me and that we were having a great time together but I never came. I shrugged it off and continued my night. Later on the party I managed to see her again sitting down and texting "And I comment why are you texting, and she says she has a boyfriend, and I joke around saying that well he isn't here so have fun. Like it wasn't a I have a boyfriend leave me alone thing. Then a friend comes over and seems to grab her from me. D@MN. Then once again later I see her sitting down in the middle of a very slow, sexual song, so I decide to give her a lapdance. She seemed very into it, but also there was a huge crowd of people watching us, myself asking "wtf are they watching me for" so I give her a lapdance she loves it, then I walk off. She follows.
She says she enjoyed it and I use talk a little insinuating that she should dance with me to have her say before the party is over. However I did not see her again the rest of the party.
My question is "Where did I go wrong?" and "How do I fix this?"

jinglesjr's picture

i'm just so tired of having to do the chasing. Especially when 75% of the time nothing will happen because something that is out of my control.

It takes energy (and an ego hit) for me to chase. It gives energy (and ego boost) to the women. Something doesn't add up

Anonymous's picture

Stop chasing women NOW, really, stop pursuing, calling and texting them, and in a few weeks you'll see how women, suddenly, start chasing you without you doing nothing. Warning though: when that happens, if you start again chasing and showing too needy they'll just back away, so you must keep a balance.

M-D's picture

Just stumbled upon the site, some brilliant advice here and I really appreciate it. Met a shy girl in work recently and was completely infatuated with her from the start. As she is shy conversations are tough and she doesn't say much. One of our work colleges (that knows her well) Says she is like that with everyone, and also told me she likes me back. But she also said she, and I quote "Is sort of seeing her ex-boyfriend" Yet when we all go out together the colleges tell me I should go make a move? Very confusing. any advice for this situation?

Mister l's picture

Good post.

A girl at my work started about two months ago and she is absolutely stunning. As such, all the guys were all over her and I showed total disinterest, when we walk past or in the same facinity, we wouldn't ever talk just quick looks and not even a smile.

So, Xmas party arrived (thursday evening) and I kept my distance, all of a sudden I found her sitting next to me chatting and giving my more drinks. I politely reciprocated and eventually we found ourselves drinking, laughing, dancing and then in the toilets passionately making out.

After the above, I decided to take her home for great sex and more sinks, home she went after a marvelous surreal night.

The next day at work, (Friday) after several hours of waiting I decided to send a polite email saying I hope she feels ok and not too hung over. She replied with great interest followed by her mobile number.

After several texts I decided to ask her out for a casual date but unfortunately she was unavailable. I texted her later that night with a " hope you're having a good night". The lady replied with what she was doing and asking about my night. I replied and told her to have a good weekend.

The Saturday night arrived and I once again sent her a simple email to which I received no reply. Sunday came and no corro made between either of us.

So, Monday and she avoided me like the plague even though Fridays messages she said she would love to see me again?

I sent her an email to which he replied once again asking about my weekend. I replied asking her about her weekend to which once again was ignored.

I got home later that evening and sent her a text saying hope he had a better day than me and perhaps she wouldn't mind if I called her for a quick chat later....... No reply

So Tuesday (today) and not an email or a text and totally avoided me. The girl happened to walk past my desk once and I made no eye contact but last minute we both made eye contact and she had a slight smile, played with her hair and threw her face down and walked on by.

What the fuk????? Where do I stand what is going on. I'm planning on being my confident and cocky self and just pay no attention to her games, but then again will that work?


Mister L

Johnny C's picture

Hi Chase,
Great website. The subject of mixed signals is something that fascinates me, and I can see fully how women will play a bit of cat and mouse when you're both into each other, I guess so they don't seem slutty as much as anything.
Anyway there's a girl I work with who've I've spent the last year chatting to and getting to know, I absolutely adore this girl and enjoy her company, but she was in a relationship until 6 months ago and since her breakup I've had some serious family problems to deal with, so never really heavily pursued her. What I don't understand is she gives me signs of interest, then strong signs of disinterest as well. She'll stare in to my eyes, we'll get up really close to each other, she'll laugh at my jokes, I always catch her looking at me, sometimes she can't keep her eyes off me, we'll have long in depth conversations, and often when I talk to her she gets really nervous and will start playing with whatever she has to hand like a pen, or she can't stop grinning, you know what I'm talking about, you can just tell when a woman is seriously into you. However she never asks me ANY personal questions or takes any kind of interest in me or my life at all, which considering how long we've known each other I find quite bizarre. Any time I try and connect with her outside of work the walls go up and she gets awkward with me for a while. She hasn't responded to the last 3 texts I've sent her, which considering I would say we are friends I think is actually quite rude, unless she's trying to send me a clear message to stop contacting her, but why would she? She has plenty of guy friends who she knows have feelings for her. She probably sounds shy perhaps you think, but this is the thing, she is absolutely stunning, gets loads of attention from guys, and doesn't seem to display the same signs of attraction with other guys, she seems a lot more confident around them than she is with me. She doesn't seem to have any trouble staying in touch with and socialising with other guys from work, even guys she knows have a thing for her.
I saw her without makeup on recently and she was really self conscious, she had pretty bad skin under it all and even apologised for the way she looked, so I can see despite how gorgeous everyone thinks she is there is self esteem issues there. But why does she blow so hot and cold? I have no idea if she is just stringing me on or is interested, I mean there are plenty of signs of attraction, but not taking any personal interest in me? Not replying to my messages? Seems pretty cut and dry to me, but then why the nervousness when I'm around her?
Sorry this is such a long post, but I really am literally caught 50/50 whether she is genuinely into me or is just playing me. I really care about this girl but am ready to cut it off and move on because I'm getting tired of her games. What do you think Chase? She's a player right?
Many thanks.

tendency's picture

maybe she already has a boyfriend or is seeing someone. so, happy to flirt and engage w/ you but when push comes to shove doesnt want to take it to the next level.

Johnny C's picture

She is single and would sometimes mention to me that she can't find a man. I know she's a player I just don't understand why she's happy to socialise with other guys but with me she seems reluctant, she's happy to spend time with other guys she knows have feelings for her. I don't think she knows how much I like her to be fair. Also because of having too much on my plate at the moment, I only ever tried to socialise with her in a friendly kind of way, like a lot of people from work do together, we sometimes have nights out together, very casual, so I don't understand what her problem is. I'll be seeing her in a week for our work belated christmas party, I don't know whether or not I should even bother talking to her.

Anonymous's picture

Odie's picture

Let me start off first by saying, what a great site this is. Been googling random questions and thoughts I've ever had, and well, this is my first time here, and I've gain plenty of knowledge about dos and donts. Very helpful and resourceful.

Well here's my dilemma. Me and my new fling once dated many years ago. Long story short, we've reconnected. We spent some time together, and old feelings came up for the both of us. Randomly, it was mutually decided that we want to start seeing more of each other. For one, im totally game with that. She's an amazing girl and fits almost exactly the kind of girl I want to be with. Well for two, does her wanting to see more of me mean dating/seeing each other? Idk.

We have kissed and made plans to go out and all was great. Curious to know what our situation was, I asked what her thoughts were to us seeing more of each other were. Without wanting to scare her, I told her how I think how much of a great person she is, she's beautiful, this and That, and ended with a," I like you". I got a reply back of, "Aww, this is crazy that after so long, you still have feelings for me!"... That's when I asked how she felt about me and if she liked or had feelings for me, where she replied, "I do". There's some effort there as to me thinking she likes me, but there's times that I simply send a nice text, like "hey, im thinking of you", I get an "Aww" or sometimes nothing and when I do, its a short answered reply...

I don't want to scare her off by bugging, or going to cutesy with texts that she gets disgusted. Im struggling to grasp her emotions she's throwing out, because just as fast as she let's em out, she closes up. Do I not text her, kind of giving her the space? But if I do that, what if she loses interest? Like I've mentioned earlier, she does give me some signs, like little names she calls me, as in hun, doll, sweetie. But there's times I wont hear from her, or I feel im bugging. Idk, but im kind of lost in this, and need some help out lol

abu@stop ringing in ears's picture

This is definitely a topic that's close to me so Im happy that you wrote about it. I'm also happy that you did the subject some justice. Not only do you know a great deal about it, you know how to present in a way that people will want to read.

Dwayne 's picture

This site and the comments therein are great to read. This is a part of life that is so important but also so random and ultimately frustrating. I'm sure I've disappointed scores of women in the past by not reading their signals in the (very) short window of opportunity they permit. I've had strange things happen like a girl with a privately listed phone number (who didn't give me that number) complain through a mutual acquaintance that I didn't try hard enough to contact her. When oh when will we get equality in this love game? Not all men are 'quick or the dead types'. Pop music is full of songs about men who don't fit this template wanting for it to be more attuned to their natural love response (from the Rolling Stones to Morrissey). Not every man feels instant simpatico with a woman. Romantic or intelligent men invariably take time to feel attracted to particular women. So why do women persist with this 'May Fly' behaviour that bases all interaction on the premise that we are like short-lived creatures with no individuality? It is all very primal and difficult to fathom even for the quickest witted male. There are many males who need to know a woman before they feel familiar and comfortable with her. For some of us our love response takes time to kick in therefore we are not catered for by 'the game'. Personally, I've never been able to read women's sexual responses properly. I've had plenty of sexual experiences although it must be said that alcohol had a part to play in most of them. Any chance of meeting someone remotely like a 'soul mate' is made virtually impossible by the urgent nature of most women's love/sex response. No wonder so many people end up in unsatisfying relationships with the wrong person. Everything worthwhile in life takes time to create. This includes relationships. The best relationships between the sexes grow out of friendship. Not only is it possible to 'buck the system' but I think it’s almost essential. I suggest that a man break the rules of this stupid game and focus on a compatible woman and make her his friend. Do everything for her and do it unconditionally. Give love without expectation and make yourself different than the average man. If there is a real bond it will show and it will grow. Once a woman realizes that there are men who offer this deeper level of romantic love they will never go back to the randomness of 'the losing game'. Once you make yourself indispensable you will find that you have removed yourself from competition with men who give love no thought. I suppose I'm addressing love more than sex with this strategy but after all men need love as much women do. This strategy requires patience and a lot of courage but the end result is closer to what love should be. I just want to inform men who don't fit the status-quo that they can have the kind of love they want if they are true to themselves and genuine in their dealings with women. It’s not easy operating outside 'the system' but the rewards are enormous should you explore the possibilities this approach can deliver. It's time to manifest equality in relations with the opposite sex. It’s time to find what we've always been looking for.

Anonymous's picture

Okay, so I was in Prague about a month ago. I went to this pizza place with my brothers. Hot waitress. I smiled at her all night and before I left asked her where she goes out after work. She speaks very little English and asked her friend to come over and help. He told me they were going to this bar at midnight. So I paid, left, and went to find the place before going there later. I had no cell or computer, der. Anyway I went back out at around 1 and went to this bar. Never saw her. So I figured I'd have a drink and leave. Then she came up to me, must have been hiding somewhere, and introduced me to her and a friend. Then went back to her table. I went over and asked if she wanted a drink, she said she had one. I then escorted her to dance. That went very well. We ended up basically fooling around in a booth and dancing more until bar close (6am in Prague) at which point I asked her to come back to the hotel with me. To which she said no, ripped a page out of her spanish book (spanish is her second language) and wrote her name and number on it and gave it to me. This is really the first time I've been in a situation like this. So I wanted to make it happen and asked again. At this point her friends had already left too and she stuck around with me. She said tomorrow. I walked her out at which point we made out some more and I asked again. She still said no. I let her get on the train and have never seen her again. All night she called me attractive and sexy in a hot broken enlgish with a foreign accent kind of way. What the hell did I do wrong????

Anonymous's picture

I am from Czech Republic (Prague is the capital city of it) and I can relate to what you say :) (I am a guy). The most probable version of what were her feelings towards you is that she just wanted to have some fun. Imagine yourself in her situation, she is approached by a foreigner at her work who is basically following her to the pub where he is constantly trying to flirt with her. She just does not experience this every day and she just wanted to experience what it is like. She didnt want it to push it anywhere because she was most probably pretty much scared what is happening.

Anonymous's picture

Well, I think you didn't do anything wrong. In fact everything you did was spotless. But it takes two to tango. I think she meant it when she said the things she said to you. So it only comes down to her being a good girl and not a slut period. Also she could have a boyfriend. The bottom line is she couldn't do it even though she wanted to. In her mind it was wrong to do it for whatever reason which doesn't mean that she didn't want you. I mean she know you are a foreigner and may it see you again, so it's clear she is it a one night stand that's all. Actually speaks volumes regarding her character. In fact I think you met a keeper. This is girlfriend material so if you just want a slut for a one night you need a different girl,try another bar or restaurant you may get lucky. Your technique was not to blame though.
On the other hand if you are looking for a good girlfriend I would go back looking for her.
My rule of thumb is if the girl let me sleep with her before the third date I will not take her as a girlfriend but that's just me.

j's picture

i'm attractive as hell. ladies actually say the words outright to me, they mention having sex, hooking up, and similar stuff. i knew this quite a while back, if a woman mentions anything sexual, she's not making small talk, she has it on her mind and wants some. even though they might sometimes not be consciously aware of it, it's their body running the show.

i wasn't bedding them because i didn't have the game, i was missing the masculinity, steel and spine needed for fast lays. i was inexperienced sexually and therefore lacked the confidence in my sexual capabilities and didn't push. also, it didn't help that i only go for super hot ladies, of which there are few and which do imply much more effort and balls.

i'm handling things much better now, ladies will still throw themselves at me occasionally, and i have now a much better rounded game to match. i'm building my sexual performance regularly with a stable girl, and have the masculinity down pat as well. i just need to get more adventurous and outgoing and get past the games and shit some ladies like and which i hate still. it's every bit like the rest of the animal kingdom, as a man you gotta get work done to get the reward.

BW's picture

This post made me realize the exact moment I blew it with my dream girl. We'd spent the night at a beach wedding, got way too open-bar'd to do anything the night of, and woke up in the hotel together. She'd taken her dress off to sleep. I've been after this girl for way too long with virtually no signals, so when i hopped out of the shower, hungover out of my mind, and she said "you know, there's a naked girl in your bed. I feel like you're not taking advantage of this situation", I nearly choked physically, and totally choked mentally. Needless to say I totally, absolutely blew it. Part of the reason I found this site and started getting my game straight was because of that disaster--I vowed on the drive back home to never, ever, ever make such a stupid mistake again, so that's a plus at least. But Jeeze, I still beat myself up over that one. Learn from me, boys: you never know when the moment will finally come, so get your boyscout on and always always ALWAYS be prepared.

Anonymous's picture

Every girl I seem to be interested in isnt interested in me and I dont seem to get girls randomly interested either I go out sometimes for a few drinks with mates and still nothing happens ive had a few girls look at me and flirt but thats it, I really dont know what to do there is this girl I wanna ask out but I cant tell weather shes interested or not I feel like giving up sometimes I started goin to the gym recently to keep fit and im more confident nowadays but still I dont seem to get interest, I dont rele know how to chat to women either, Need Advice badly.

Anonymous's picture

Over the last year I have been a total failure with girls, that is changing a little (thx to u)!
I've had this girl that I don't really talk too at all talking to me more, and randomly looking at me in the middle of class (even though she sits infront of me) :~|
Also for all those people my age, there is such thing as moving to fast (1st hand experience)

Sam's picture

Known a girl at my work for almost a year now, but I was married to someone else till 2 and a half months ago. She is very beautiful, beyond my league really, but I always caught her looking at me, she always found excuses to talk to me, and at work social occasions she always ended up standing next to me after a bit and talking. Also her body language copied mine a lot, and I mean a lot! She laughs at my jokes and clearly thinks I'm funny. When I haven't been at work for a couple of days then walk in her eyes seem to shine as she looks at me. Lately we went with friends to the pub a lot, the second last time I know she only came because of me, she let me buy her a drink and smiles and shiny eyes all round, plus the next day. Next few days she's very warm then goes cold, but still comes to pub though doesn't let me buy drink anymore. Asked her out later that night (I know now, wrong moment), she said 'not at this point', but smiled and I think even flicked her hair. She sounded disappointed. I asked in a funny way when i could ask again, she just laughed that off. Next week at work she ignored me when I came in and saw her, till I caught her alone and said not to stress she would get another chance, I would let her join the line up. She laughed at this and turned red, and laughed at another unrelated joke. Next day she was furious the whole day, the day after still furious, after I asked how she was going she turned red, laughed at my jokes and even said sorry for bothering me about her chair being stuck. It was kind of a 'sorry to have bothered you' sort of thing. She was then very nice, we chatted later about a work thing, when I left her saying goodbye clearly had care in her voice, like she really cared. Next day she said Hi and I said hi back but i was distracted and not very nice, didn't ask how she was. After that she was furious rest of day and while responded to my questions with informative answers and questions back, she sounded like she didn't want to talk to me. I didn't go to drinks at pub, it seemed like she wanted to go, she had finished lab work and kept doing writing (usually would go home if finished lab work). She sat next to me as a computer there, but I didn't talk to her much, I just kept working, she was very frustrated and eventually left without saying bye but throwing up her hands in exasperation, while I was talking to a guy. I sent her a message that evening to say have a good weekend, she sent a cordial and civil but cold reply 1.5hours later. Chase I need help, does she like me or is she just frustrated at the tension as she still has to work with me?!

Gustavo's picture

Dear Chase,

Last night I met a girl who I knew liked me a lot. Yet when the night came she was being seemingly more subtle. I knew I blew it by not capitalizing on any opportunities although I wasn't aware of any opportunities that I had. Only after reading and understanding this do I realize how oblivious I was truly being. Whether it was out of fear or ignorance I am not sure, but I vow to take this information to heart and not be faced with the situation I am currently in again.

Many thanks.

Anonymous's picture

Brilliant Advice. I have had girls who would ask me, "So do you have a roommate?" and I would say, "Nah."

and I act calm.

But then I would say, "Wanna come check out the books that I read in my room?"

I've used tricks like this over and over again taking them to bed every single time.

Works really well

Anonymous's picture

I feel as if I'm outing myself as an idiot, but maybe someone can let me know my odds here and whether I've already screwed up. Anyway, about a month ago my buddy's sister-in-law texts me out of the blue (never gave her my number) saying that she heard that I just moved to her area and if I wanted to hang out. I had hung out with twice before over the course of five years and never got a positive vibe from her -- in fact, I was shocked that she contacted me because several years earlier I made a off-color joking comment about how I could have "tapped it" and her sister stupidly told her about it. Either way, I had no expectations -- I was actually hoping that I could be friendly enough to meet some other girls through her. She's attractive and attractive girls travel in packs.

Anyway, we hang out and it went well and we've hung out every weekend at least once until this most recent one when she was out of town for work. The majority of these are one-on-one interactions, which I was not expecting. Then the last time we hung out was three straight nights when my buddy and his wife were in town, the second of which was a bar crawl saw us flirt heavily, albeit after she gave her number to some other guy two bars before. We go back to my place and don't hook up because the buddy and wife are there, but she ends up getting in my bed in the middle of the night. She fell asleep right away, so I chose not to try to get anything.

Anyway, in reading this entry and the comments, I feel as if I've let a lot of "windows" stay open without going in them. Here are some things which I believe could be IOIs.

- a double hug on our third "hangout", where we hugged to leave, then hugged again. I bricked here because, quite frankly, I didn't have any indicator before that she could like me and it surprised me.

- touching my inner leg in a car as she was getting out to leave

- asking me the last time I got laid.

- asking me if I thought I was a good boyfriend in the past

- random rubbing, touching, groping, sitting close when not necessary (this all was a recent development and I actually reciprocated this well. I matched every flirt.)

- thanking me for the dick in front of her overprotective older sister even though we didn't actually have sex (this was a weird one, have no idea if this is a good thing or a bad thing). The sister was pissed at my buddy suggesting to her that we already had hooked up FWIW.

- hand-holding and juvenile acts like thumb war and shit like that

- compliments about everything, from remembering her favorite beer to telling my buddy that she can tell why we are good friends because she has a great time with me

- drunkenly discussing us getting married, which i was able to play off nicely by saying that she needed to start dealing cocaine first (don't ask)

- wanting to pay for everything (drinks, food, etc.) She likes treating me and seems to get annoyed when I want to even things up.

However, the one thing that threw me for a loop was the getting of another guy's number in my presence. The guy himself wasn't a threat, he was in town on business and the odds of them actually hooking up was low, but the act seemed out of place. I don't know if it was to show me that she can get whoever, but it got me to be more aggressive with her, which I did instead of getting sullen, which was good. I've been the sullen guy before, and that is basically a death sentence.

Anyway, how much of a window do I have here? Have I already screwed the pooch? I came in thinking we could be friends, but now I realize I really like her and want more. I know that I have to "shit or get off the pot", I'm just hoping I haven't missed it already. I guess one thing that's good is that I have escalated the flirting and haven't been stagnant, but I have taken it slow. And I tend to be a retard with girls I like, so I'm almost expecting to get rejected even though the indicators seem to be in my favor. I apologize for this ramble, but reading this got me to thinking. And this is actually the cliffnotes version - I usually do sabermetrics when it comes to girls I like. I do prefer it when I don't like the girls and want to hook up with them, makes it easier.


Anonymous's picture

I am pursuing a girl I met at college towards the end of last Spring semester, but I'm not sure if she feels the same way I do. She gave me her number and I text her often, but sometimes it takes her an hour to respond, even mid conversation. Part of me thinks that she doesn't want to appear too interested, so she does this on purpose (which is something I have also done). A couple times when I waited for her to text me first, it took about a week before she would text me. Other times it only took a day (not sure if this is significant). It is also poor timing because we both went back home for the summer and we live over an hour away, so I can't really ask her on a date. At school, she was extremely flirtatious with both me and my roommate, although it seemed like she paid more attention to me. Regardless, her flirty behavior makes it harder for me to tell if she's sending me signals or if that's just how she acts towards all guys.

Anonymous's picture

Hey Chase

I have known a girl i work with for 8 years back in our younger days she used to flirt alot but she is a flirt so everyone got attention. she wanted me to stay in a room with her on atrip out of town but i didnt on account of a hard time by the other employees a new guy got to room with her and she was in a relation ship with him until recently he has been removed by her from her life she told me about it later and wants no one to know at the same time she told me she loves me. I have been texting her alot and talking on the phone with her often but it never seems to get farther than that now she dose eork about 14 hours a day 6-7 days a week this is just regular work for us but she is also my manager. Am i reading signals wrong is she just flirting or feeling alone because of break up or could there be more? Thanks for any help.

vineet's picture

I need some help here. Could you tell me if these are Indicators of interest..
She is in my class. She asked for my number to study. But she hasnt called. I guess that could be purely academic, but still she could have asked others, or maybe she just felt comfortable asking me. She turned around in class and looked at me for a flash second( i was sitting in the back row)
When I spoke to her, her eyes were darting back and forth on my eyes. But again she is very outgoing to whoever she speaks to.
I spoke to her on the phone, again it was studies related, but then she started asking insignificant study questions (subject that was taken a year ago!!), I felt that she didnt want to hang up the phone, but she didnt know what to say.I finally hung up! This is just a gut feeling so I am not too sure though.
Advice would be greatly appreciated. Please be honest, if she is not interested , just say it outright. I don't know if I am overanalyzing.
And finally as you can figure out by now, I am very amateur with women still
Thanks yo

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