Keeping Your Cool: Don't Chase Women | Girls Chase

Keeping Your Cool: Don't Chase Women

keeping your cool

The other day, a reader wrote in with a question about keeping your cool when women are being flighty or slow to respond, in reference to the post on what to do when girls flake:

In your article on girls not returning texts, I was wondering what your idea of a socially savvy way to deal with it was. I've found it hard not to take this personal, especially when it's from girls I've known longer that still do it. I understand it's quite common, but to me there's really no excuse. I'd much rather hear "I'm not interested" than waste my night waiting around, especially when considering how girls get when guys don't call them back.

You know, a long, long time ago -- it almost seems like another life -- I made it a point to respond to every single person who texted or called me, no matter what. I looked at it as a matter of honor, and took it as a point of pride -- I was reliable.

And it annoyed me to no end when people didn't respond. Like the reader above, I couldn't understand people who didn't respond -- I thought it rude, and I considered it inexcusable.

Of course you can take 10 seconds to text a reply, or 10 minutes to return a phone call, I'd think to myself.

I considered it a personal slight, those people who didn't respond.

I see things a lot differently nowadays. Often, I don't even notice when one person or another -- when one girl or another -- hasn't responded, until maybe much later -- and perhaps never at all. And, for all my earlier "principles" on being 100% reliable in responding to those who contacted me, I'm now sitting at somewhere decidedly below a 100% response rate -- maybe 85%, maybe 90%. I still try to respond most times, but it's no longer an unbreakable rule.

The reason why I changed -- both in how I saw it when others didn't respond, and in why I don't chase women with texting or phone calls anymore and why I don't always respond when people chase me anymore -- is what I want to share with you here.

Chase AmanteAbout the Author: Chase Amante

Chase woke up one day in 2004 tired of being alone. So, he set to work and read every book he could find, studied every teacher he could meet, and talked to every girl he could talk to to figure out dating. After four years, scads of lays, and many great girlfriends (plus plenty of failures along the way), he launched this website. He will teach you everything he knows about girls in one single program in his Mastery Package.


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Anonymous's picture

You are amazing. Nothing else from me.

Keep it up!

zacc's picture

NOW, finally, some interesting stuff thats not all just basic female psych:) I spose i should not expect too much, as im not really the type of guy that has any problems getting women, i dont like going out hunting anymore, its far more efficent to just wade through the long list of date requests from chicks on one particular date site! I fast found out that any more than one site was totally unmanagable:/ For me, this is mostly "some" interesting things i did not know, but mostly, so far anyway, most of it was not news:/ Then again, im not a kid, at 54:/ THIS, latest e book, looks like it will be handy:). I was getting a bit bored with the earlier stuff:) I do find the total concentration put in to "bedding" is a bit obsessive:/ Sure, its important to get them there fast, but not girl after girl, i just dont get this, sex for the sake of it is boring:/ As you get older, you will find that just fucking a different chick every night[or whatever]. gets OLD!! You want to relate on an intellectual level, and how the hell can you do this when you spend only a night on a girl, then move on:/ BUT, i have been doing this a LONG time, i spose as a young guy, i was different, but as i recall in those far off days,lol, i was never into multiple conquests a week...well, only for a year or two starting as a 17 year old:) [going "out" for it that is,lol. Bit hard to get in to clubs, any younger:) Getting a bit more interesting NOW Ritchard:)

Anonymous's picture

This took me hours to read because of the impact each sentence had on me, and just how it was too true to my life. I've made (make) everyone of the mistakes you said on here to a 'T'. wow. Great article, this gave me a lot to think about.

ExpectTheBest's picture

I agree completely, most of the stuff in this article hit me hard as well. -it took me like 2 hrs to finish this!

Chase Amante's picture

Felt kind of freewheeling and tangential when I was putting it together. Trying to keep this stuff on-course and stray not off-topic can get a little hairy at times ;)


PUA Vault's picture

Wish I had read this 2 days earlier. I've met a cute girl I've gone out 3 times with and barely got in a kiss. Granted she's from a different (asian) country so things are done differently there...or, are they? I've definitely pushed for the kiss and she's averted it so far. I felt like this last time I wasn't aggressive enough and told her 'okay I respect your culture I'll stop..for now' but I almost feel like I missed the window, so this article came very apropos (albeit, late) - and you're right, I've played it much safer with this girl because she's higher quality, but at the same time I realized it's a lesson learned, and if I can't/won't be able to close this because its too late, at least it's something I've noticed for next time.

Chase Amante's picture

Hey PUA,

Yeah, sucks when you start getting that feeling that the window's closed. It's always the ones you like a lot, isn't it?

Well, should you see her again, here's my politically incorrect view for how you deal with "dodging the kiss" scenario:

Manhandle Kisses

It's been working quite well with Asian girls in Asia ;)


Anonymous's picture

As an Asian girl, I can tell you it's a cultural thing. Asians place much emphasis on more long term committed relationship. Therefore, a girl will often hold out until she learns more about you and understand that this relationship can develop. There is no way that she would know that based on just a few dates. Developing a relationship requires a compatibility on many levels and only time will help her understand who you are.

Have you ever considered that perhaps she hasn't kissed anyone before?
With a high quality girl, you have to be patient.

Friend Zone's picture

Wow this article resonated so well with me. Granted I haven't had that interaction with women and I just ended my undergrad so some windows have been missed but I wondered why I was always in the friend zone. Now I see why. Great article man!

Non-Chaser's picture

I've always been a bit ahead of the curve psychologically, so alot of these things, the understanding and "reading between the lines" in situations has always come natural to me, but this is a great "summed up" article. I'm actually going through a bit of this as we speak. The first interaction was great, connection made, second interaction got the number, still all smiles and flirtiness, then enter text convo's to set up a personal hang...and cue the hard to get, stand-offish, unsure flakiness....I'm already turned off and moving on. I know so many friends who chase and chase, I really don't understand it.

The only part I slightly dis-agree with is the sleeping with the girl on the first date part. I actualy value women that respect themselves enough not to do that. My philosophy is, if she sleeps with you on the first date, with little to no effort, and this girl ends up your girlfriend, that doesn't say a lot for her moral meter. That's not to say you shouldn't try, however, chances are she's the kind of flighty, easy broad that will end up a little too tipsy at the bar one night and leave with her next conquest because naturally as a woman, she's bored with you and you of course know, she's DTF on date 1. If we're talking flings and one night stands, I'm 100% in aggreance, potential LT girlfriends, not so much...

All in all though, as it pertains to the chase....dead on, poinient advice. Nowadays, communication via email, text, phones, internet etc. is so overblown that it's much, much easier to just move on to the next mission. In my case, I absolutely gotta have the personality with the looks as well, sometimes personality over looks, but if a girl gives you the run around, just MOVE ON there are entirely too many others out there in bars, clubs, libraries, grocery stores, anywhere you can imagine that you haven't even talked to yet.

If any ladies reading this are saying, "yeah but If I don't play hard to get, he'll think I'm desperate or easy, or (insert adjective here)"

To most guys I know that understand this Montra, those games are nothing but a turnoff, and a giant green light to head in the opposite direction, especially if it continues.

Best of luck to the friend zoners!

Chase Amante's picture

Howdy Non-Chaser,

You sound like a pretty well-versed guy who's been around the block a few times. Appreciate you sharing your findings, man.

I also used to think it was really important to have a girl who wouldn't sleep with me on the first date as my long-term girl. But I reached a point where even the really conservative girls that other guys would spend months or a year chasing after before they got sex were ending up in my bed on Date #1, and that kind of went out the window for me.

The ideal is getting nuanced in your screening. e.g., a girl may sleep with you fast if you're doing everything entirely right, but you may well be her second lover and she's very conservative and loyal and reserved and you stand a good chance of being the only guy in her life she ever sleeps with that fast.

Alternately, I've seen plenty of guys who came across a "pro" who'd been with 30+ men, many quite quickly, who realized she had to play it slow to rope in the guy she wanted. So she did, and the guy thought of her as a conservative, relationship-worthy girl (sometimes knowing her past, sometimes not; the funniest is when female friends of mine whose storied pasts I know end up in relationships with guys who think they're angels... very easy to use men's investment-to-sex and time-to-sex instincts against them for getting relationships).

Moral of the story: this is one of those cases where picking apart her past is usually a much better predictor of future loyalty than her time-to-bed with you in an isolated incident (your first time).

But for sure brother, keeping the move on with girls that are a headache is the way to go. There's something to be said for sticking it out to train yourself up, but other than training purposes, chances are a guy who's getting the run around either messed it up in the beginning, or the girl really will be a headache if he gets her!

Cheers man,

Harry's picture

This is something I always went for as women have considered me a sexy, masculine man; why else would they be going out with me except to get laid? They basically know nothing about me except that I'd like to screw them if given the chance. The 1st date provides that opportunity. As far as girlfriend material goes, if your date is playing according to social convention, how does that make her moral? Just because she doesn't put out for you until the third date doesn't mean she isn't having sex with someone else inbetween your dates. Check her stockings at the knees for asphalt or oil stains.

Matt's picture

Chase I read your stuff everyday. Great material. Could you elaborate on one point you made earlier, specifically:

"If she's social circle and you've known her for a long time, you make a big push to get her out, and close the deal then."

What makes for a smooth 'big push'? I will be making a big push sometime this week on a girl I'm interested in, any advice? BTW I go out almost every night a week so I know that the women are a plenty, so if it dosen't play out it's no biggie.

Chase Amante's picture

Hey Matt,

Thanks, brother.

A big smooth push would just be talking to her, focusing in on her pretty intently, and then, on a high point -- as she's coming down off of laughing, for instance, or as your eye contact with her lingers and the two of you just stare at one another without saying anything -- tell her, very purposefully, "Let's grab a drink this weekend," or, "Let's you and me hang this weekend," or some such thing.

Then iron out the details right there (she says "okay," you say, "When are you free?" she says "Sunday noon" you say, "Sunday noon at XYZ place [close to your pad] -- cool?" she says "yeah" and you say, "Cool. See you there," and make your exit).

And you're golden ;)


Anonymous's picture


Anonymous's picture

Thanks for the great info.

I dated a girl and I didn't sleep with her and like you said I started making all the mistakes you mentioned! After sometime, I stopped chasing her. I see this girl most of the time since we are classmates. Now, after 3 months or even more, she is trying to make me jealous by telling me she is going to visit a friend (boy) or writing on my best friend's wall, adding me to her Facebook that I deleted before....

I didn't respond and now, she has started ignoring me.

What is this behavior? I don't know why?

I hope you can help me with this.


Chase Amante's picture

Hi Anon,

That's pretty standard behavior in social circles. Women like to keep men in orbit and on backup, so they want to remind you of how valuable they are and how much you're going to miss not being with them, particularly if they thought they "had" you before or if they liked you.

Best philosophy for responding to this behavior? Get strict. It's either:

  • She can come meet you and spend time with you (and you push to move things forward hard), or
  • You drop her from your life and don't contact her or follow up with her, and simply ignore her whenever you see her.

That'll either get her to come around and let her get together with you if that's what she wants, or cut the annoying stuff out of her life if she's just trying to make you regret not sleeping with her.


four250's picture

Chase, great article and great advice to this "anon", but one line in your reply is not making sense to me, so please clarify:

You said "...cut the annoying stuff out of her life"

Did you mean "cut the annoying stuff out of YOUR life"?

Please verify that.

Thanks and great article!

Anonymous's picture

Great read but maybe you can help on my situation. So i met a girl I got her number she wouldn't hardly ever reply finally I thought i'd give up a couple of days later I messaged her again. She finally agreed to let me take her out. So we went out things went well and decided we would continue the date after dinner. We had a blast we ect. The next day I messaged her and she messaged me back but was taking forever to respond. I messaged her briefly again later than night never heard back from her. The next day I message her and she messages me back a few times and then thats it again not getting anything back from her. What do I do. I like the girl I thought we had a great first date and I want to take her out again I did invite her over and do something like grill out ect and thats when I haven't heard back and I wanted to message her back and ask why she hasn't responded but don't want to "chase" to hard either.

Let me know your thoughts.

Chase Amante's picture

Hi Anon,

Yeah, that's tough when things don't go anywhere. Unfortunately, you're never going to bat 100, and sometimes you'll get a hit and sometimes you'll get a miss. It sounds like you put in really good effort on this, did a lot of texting and follow up and set up the date and tried to move things forward, and it just isn't working out and she isn't all that interested. That happens.

Best to do? Go back, analyze your interactions, see where you might have not hit the right notes on your first impression and on your first date, if you missed any escalation windows, and what else you could've done differently and how you could've persisted a bit more or how you could've moved a bit faster or connected with her on a deeper emotional level or come across as a more sexy or sexual guy. Basically, use this to do some troubleshooting, and then go out and meet some new women and apply the lessons you've learned and do things better.


Corey's picture


firstly, found this site by accident. Was looking up something from facebook and saw "What to do when girls dont reply" and it hit me. I read several of the articles and realized why my longest lasting relationship worked but the recent ones havent. I was quick, fast, got things done. Now I would like some help with the girl im talking to now.

Basically, long story short, shes everything Ive ever wanted. I knew it the moment I met her. We kinda talked, I chased, she got a bf. I stepped out of the picture for a month, she called me saying she wanted to talk. Ive spent the last 2 months hanging out/texting. Only recent its not the same. She stops replying, at first I was frustrated. Then upset and etc. just as you explained. My need is, id like to know how to fix this. Immedaitly. We have a schol dance im taking her to this weekend. Admittadly, by reading this article, ive found my mistakes. But id like your advice on a course of action.

Rosca's picture

Hey man, like, I've read this article, and I've kind of felt better about the situation that I'm in.

The girl that I used to have a crush on somewhat shut me down. Like I remember us meeting at a party where we grinded for a minute only for her to dance on some other dude. And it felt like everytime I tried to talk to her, she would always be in a bad mood, but happy to be with other dudes.

So, I decided never to text/fb chat her again. But its so awkward how like we're always randomly at the same place on campus. I don't know what to do. I don't even know if my ignorance of her presence is even working.

Could I have some advice on how to handle her? I'd like her to chase after me, but idk how.

Anonymous's picture

I have actually spent the past few hours reading your blog. I actually have a question on what to do with my current situation. Like you said i moved fast with this current girl had sex the first time we hung out. Now we have gone on two dates and nothing has happened each time she was really tired and the following she got sick from food. Originally I didnt want to date or do anything and I believe thats why we first had sex when we first hung out the craving for what she couldnt have. It seemed that after we did this though and she realized she could have me she has backed off considerably. The girl recently asked me to do something only to later say she wasnt feeling well. I've pretty much given up on her with texting and get texts from her daily about how shes doing in school and everything and yet when i respond to her i get nothing. Any advice on what to do? The girl even told me the first time we hung out that she was really into me. Any advice on this topic? PS i love your blog. The girl also gets a lot of attention from guys. In my opinion i'm just going to move on and let her chase me.

Gunner's picture

Hi Chase,

GREAT article. I just came across your website when I found myself chasing a girl I initially had success with. This was a tough one... She got in my head VERY quickly. We had an amazing date, where I had every opportunity to close, but figured I'd be a "gentleman" and wait for the next one (and kinda make her want it a little). Well, surprise, that date never came. She cancelled two dates in a row. I got a little frustrated after the second cancellation. Now she's claiming she's not dating right now cause she's getting over someone else. I'm pretty sure if I played my cards right this wouldn't have been a problem.

I'm sure she's telling the truth to some degree, but I think what happened is that I took it so fast mentally and ended up scaring her off. I found myself thinking that, "Holy shit, this might be the one!" I was so surprised at the instant connection I felt with her. I kept telling myself to PLEASE not screw this one up. And what do you know? It's over...

Now, I could make a pretty good list of the things I think I did wrong but I'd say they were mostly due to the over-thinking that came with these feelings. My question for you is: how do I combat this obsession in the early stages when I DO feel like I've met a great girl? I know this sabotaged what could have been a great thing. I can't let it happen again!


A girl's picture

Interesting article. For the most part I agree.
But may I just say, being a lady myself, know a lot of great women who wouldn't be giving it up after their third date, nevermind their first.
Some people don't want to risk getting std's, pregnant, or just making things overly complicated after one date. And most girls want to be comfortable and IN LOVE with a guy before they do that!
So if the third date was legitimately a guy's cut off point, he's going to miss out. And I must say he'd seem like a bit of an ass.
And the first date thing- if you're lookong for one night stands.. aaaalrighty then. But otherwise, that's just rediculous. No self-respecting girl would want that. If a guy pushed me for sex on my first date he would seem overly desperate and horny and I would be majorly turned off as well as disappointed. To be honest, I'm a little disappointed myself if that really is a guy's main goal on his first date.
Anyways, I agree with the central 'don't chase us' idea though. That's so true- it scares us off. And the tip about saving most of the 'getting to know you' talk for in-person conversations is definitely one to think about. I think that was in this article, right?
Overall, my advice is remember to be natural and be considerate. And you have to realise that every girl is different, as is every guy, and every relationship.

JP's picture


Now that I have a small break today, I want to spend a moment and expand on an earlier post and talk about the concept of “Early On Resentment” – I rarely ever have to explain this to guys because most guys, like 95% of them, get it and understand it innately.

Early On Resentment manifests itself when you’re trying to establish something with a new girl you’ve met and she’s making things difficult in an blatantly obvious, annoying way. This can manifest itself in a number of ways, but it essentially boils down to either doing things, or not doing things, or saying things that are not conducive to the two of you getting together. Often the girl’s machinations and maneuvers are guised in a kind of passivity to the point where she never completely removes herself from your presence (in other words the calls and texts still arrive just about the time you’ve forgotten her) but rather instead always has excuses as to why she can’t get together – but doesn’t attempt to stop all communication with you either. Often she’s trying to “toy” the guy into a chase scenario, which further amplifies Early On Resentment.

Early On Resentment is thus created and happens if and when you do finally get together and is stored inside the mind of the guy throughout the relationship. Early On Resentment is a nagging, annoying reminder of how the girl made your life with her difficult in the beginning – a reminder that never goes away – and a reminder that makes it easy and justifiable to exit out of the scenario with her at a moments notice. Early On Resentment is a spring girls put into the guys step before things have even formed – in other words, by making things so difficult in the beginning and essentially pissing the guy off – you’ve made it easier for him to chuck it, ditch you and in some cases, cheat with a girl who made things easy and essentially respected his headspace, mind and emotions enough to not make things overly complex or difficult.

Early On Resentment is a form of disrespect, because by making things difficult, you are disrespecting the guy’s headspace and forcing the guy to spend time thinking about unproductive things that ARE NOT going to add value to your situation with him and in fact, complicate his life. It’s a zero sum, no upside, bullshit behavior that takes away from a man’s productivity. If you do this he WILL RESENT you, even if you’re together. Guys make up their minds very quick – yes I want to do this, or no I don’t. So the only proper way to handle it is to either go with it and make getting together easy – or completely disappear 100% from the picture. Disappear as in no reaching out, no texts, no bullshit excuses to contact him, etc. Gone, done, vanquished from the planet. And FZ’ing a guy is a severe form of Early On Resentment that creates massive amounts of bad feelings even in a relationship scenario awash in sex.

If you make things difficult with a new guy in the beginning - there is a very strong likelihood that he will cheat with a girl who made things easy and thus, essentially respected his headspace, mind and emotions enough to not make things overly complex or difficult, which is more than you did by making things difficult. The solution? Either make things very easy in the beginning with someone new - or disappear completely and do not game him, call or text, just disappear. Men actually prefer that you just go away completely in this instance. It's the only way to not create resentment in a guy's head.

Make things easy, smooth and fun – or be gone, completely. Ask any guy and he’ll tell you this.


Mohit's picture

Dude you are it. I so get all the contents of your articles. You know, i have been that nice guy you talked about and the new guy who takes his decisions and goes ahead with it. I was on a journey of self improvement and you just fast tracked it.
Cheers to you mate. keep writing your experiences.

Anonymous's picture

I have a long time friend who is getting divorced, her husband wrecked the whole thing and I've been changing out of the guy I used to be with her. I've felt a spark that might be there from her to me, but she's vulnerable right now. how many of your rules and tips on this sight will benefit me in this situation? I'm looking to juggle between keeping the friendship but growing it into something better and not get stuck in the friend zone. I know if I aim too high, I'll lose my chance, the friendship and her. I know if I aim to too low and play it safe for too long, she will still be my friend but I'll have blown my chance with her. Is there a middle ground I don't see? Is it possible to get her to chase me? Am I missing something? I see a light at the end of the tunnel, but if I don't see the right path to take, I'll fall down a man-hole and land in the friend zone all over again.

Anonymous's picture

What happens if a girl knows that a guy is trying to get her to chase him, but won't because she is too nervous and doesn't want to seem too clingy/obsessed/annoying or desperate?

Sebastian 's picture

Communication in a lighthearted way . If she knows that he wants her to chase him, and he comforts her
by telling her that's what he likes , and that it is ok to do so , as it is an attractive quality, so, it should work . If she is still afraid , gently insist without persisting too much . Obviously you are enough as a man, with the right communication / humour , she will give in .. Intrigue her more with dominant vibes
I'm not saying to be forceful , just build comfort , she will come around .. But of course do make some moves ! Hope this helps

Anonymous's picture

I agree with Aaalright,

While I do agree with your 'Don't-Chase-Her' rule, it *is* really annoying if it seems like a guy just wants to talk to you so he can have sex with you...

Anonymous's picture

Hi, I'm actually a girl that uses your advise to get girls, I'm really girly and considered cute, but following some of your advice I am now in the "hot" category, thanks!

Amadeus78's picture

Nice artical as usual. I am interested to know your opinions on how far the non-chasing philosophy should apply AFTER becoming lovers with a girl. I have currently been seeing this girl for about 2 and a half months, and I'm fairly into her - I also have at least two other options, but neither of these hold much interest for various reasons. The girl I'm seeing does not know explicitly about these other options, though I think she does believe I am fairly capable with women and quite able to meet new ones..
The Scenario: I called her on Tuesday night to follow up her taking the morning after pill after we got a bit carried away on the previous saturday night. No answer (this is not unusual and she alwasy calls back). She called back an hour later and we had an slightly off key conversation which ended fairly abruptly. She later texted saying sorry, 'think we had a confused conversation, can i call you back tomorrow morning?' I texted 'yes'.. Next day I waited till about 5 o'clock when she texted saying sorry she'd been busy, could she call the next night.. I said 'sure no worries' (on advice from my friend).. Needless to say tomorrow night (yesteday) came and went and still no word. Should I simple wait it out? As many people might do in this situation, I feel that at the very least it's simply rude not to call after saying twice that you will. I have certainly not 'called her on her shit' - i.e. I have left it be (I certainy have not been texting asking why she's not called etc) - she said she'd call so I'm leaving her alone till she does. However all this seems odd after having already been seeing her for nearly 3 months. I know she is into me - we have the bext sex i'm sure she's ever had, and that side of things i am very confident about... Anyway I'll stop rambling and simply put the question out there - Is leaving it till she calls (i.e. not chasing) always the best policy, Even outside the context of the first few dates? Does don't-chase apply just as much after a few months, at a point when other relationship levels have been established between you and the girl?

Jeff's picture

I just want to add an extra tip I've learned from dating highly emotional women with mood swings. These type of women will REALLY help you learn fast. Would love for Chase to chime in as well.

Chase has a list up there of what NOT to do until you two are together. I'm going to take it up one more notch and say that you should NOT do those things until you two are exclusive in a relationship, boyfriend/girlfriend status. And here's why:

I tend to date emotional women that are up and down. It's just what I like, it's intense and these women, despite the low moments, are extremely fascinating.

However, just because you sleep with a woman like this doesn't automatically give you permission to start chasing. I learned from the first woman I dated like this - I slept with her multiple times and started chasing more and more assuming that 'we were going to be together'.


In the end, after months of us being FWB and me always trying to get her to be my girlfriend, she finally left me for good. She liked me a lot and honestly gave me a ton of chances to get my act together simply because I did GREAT in the beginning (slept with her the first night I met her and every following date) but in the end, I chased hard and that was a mistake.

So I just want you guys to know - don't chase and follow the rules laid out in this article because they are SPOT ON. Don't be texting her everyday even if you're sleeping with her. I still rarely text girls at all, I usually wait until they text me UNLESS I'm asking her out for drinks/a meetup (as Chase suggests). Just continue to be distant until she's literally texting you that she is in love with you (this is what happens to me now). Don't talk to her about feelings, don't get emotional, don't get jealous or whiney or complainy.

It WON'T take her that long to come around. Maybe a month or two. The ONLY reason why this first girl kept me around for 7+ months was because I moved so FAST in the beginning. First impressions and experience of you are HUGE. Despite my later chasing and neediness, she STILL kept me around. So don't make my mistakes :) But, you learn from failure so it's all good.

Have the DISCIPLINE to not be needy and to stay distant until SHE is the one begging for a relationship.

Jeff's picture

And to add to my above statement - I've yet to be in an exclusive relationship since buying Chase's great book and following the advice to a T. My life is significantly better, but I keep making the mistake of trying to get into a relationship and talking about feelings. Like I said above, I assume that relationship conversations are topics that the girl should be bringing up.

I'm hoping for a relationship transitioning type article here one of these days as I think it will really help a lot of people. Going from hooking up/dating friends to exclusive relationship status. Maybe this is actually a pretty straight forward, easy thing to do. Maybe I just tend to keep dating the unstable, moody women that change what they want every single day. Maybe these women are unstable because I keep TALKING ABOUT FEELINGS lol. (Well, I don't any more, at least not for the last month or so).

Either way, following the advice in this article for both newer and longer term girls that you're dating works wonders. Thanks Chase! Love the book.

R.S.'s picture

I came across this blog one week to late. Actually, months too late. While reading, I couldn't help but face palm myself every time I came across everything I did wrong in my previous relationship. In the beginning, I started as 'chasee' and in the end I ended up the 'chaser.'

Quite alright, after only about a week of becoming single, I've already started meeting women, and I intend on using every ounce of information and advice bestowed upon me from your site.

Thank you for opening my eyes!

Jeff's picture

Hey R.S. don't sweat it man, just pick yourself up and get moving. Chase states that we should always be moving forward in seduction. Well, we should always be moving forward in life as well! Learn from the mistakes we make. That's really the only way to learn! Just be glad you're learning them now...

And trust me, once you learn everything here, you can get your old girls back. I've been doing it over and over again lately lol. It takes time, but eventually your old girls begin to see this 'new you' and they get interested again ;)

Anonymous's picture

Chase, I don't know who you are, but damn your knowledge on getting girls is insanely effective. I am a really good looking guy, great body (six pack and all), but I had difficulty bedding women. I have had relationships and sex with many women but I never understood why and it was always the women who approached me and escalated things. I just found your website today, spent three hours on it, took your advice and now I have 4 dates set up tomorrow and friday. These girls are all 9s and 10s too. You are a legend and thanks for the help.

Jacob's picture

I've been reading some of your articles, and damn it hits me completely, right on the nail. I haven't really realized how much of a pussy I have been, always asking why these other guys always get the girls they want. I started to realize that maybe, just maybe, I need to amp it up, and after reading these articles, mainly this one, I'm definitely going to change some things in my life. Thank you for the advice! Going to go out and meet some women now. Thank you very much.

Anonymous's picture

i dont get it,first he say keep ur cool dont chase and then he say guys who try to get the girl home fast is more succesfull,i mean trying to get a girl home fast and view your self as a boyfriend,isnt that needy,arent you telegraphing intrest too quick,arent u desperate,i thought girls liked a challenge.WTF!

Anonymous's picture

Okay so this one girl i been talking for a while maybe like 2 months. We went on a date and it went pretty well nothing happen really just flirting, and so on. Then the next date she came over to my house and we just drank and made out. Im pretty sure there was some intimacy but who knows. She likes me but doesn't want to be in a relationship. Reason why we aren't together is that she doesnt want to lose me or she doesnt want to ruin our "friendship". If possibly we break up after then she wont have nothing left of me. What should i do?

Christine's picture

It's funny because 99% of the advice out there for women is to not give it up for at least a month.

Why not instead of trying to sleep with her on date #1 you just kiss her, and let your quality shine through so she knows what she has? If you two don't mesh naturally, then it just wasn't meant to be. I know many couples who waited to have sex, and are now happily're either a good match for each other, or you aren't.

Otherwise, all the other girls who aren't sluts and won't sleep with someone on the first date will be lost to you forever.

Anonymous's picture

I agree with this so much. As a girl who's had experiences with guys who were in it just for the sex, I'd definitely need more time than just one date before I decide whether or not to put out for him. At the very least I have to determine whether or not he's relationship-worthy and one date doesn't give me enough information to trust him. For me, patience and consistency is very important for me in a partner and if he's the type who can't even wait past date #1 or even date #3, then I'd have doubts about how long our relationship can last after we become a couple.

If we've been acquainted for over a month(already friends or coworkers) and I know your personality and character, then I may decide to have sex with you earlier on. But if we are strangers getting acquainted for the first time via dates #1-3, I will be very wary about going all the way with you just based on the information I know about you from three interactions.

Kissing and making out on the first date though would be fine :)

Anyways, just putting my perspective out there to let readers know there are women who think like this and who really do need more time and aren't just stringing you along.

Christine's picture

I don't know if a lot of quality women would sleep with guys on the first date, even if they really liked them. Why?

#1: Self respect
#2: STDs

If that's the only way you're finding success with women, then you are narrowminded and have not explored all the avenues.

Here's a thought:

If you aren't meant to be together, it ain't gonna happen. If she is a quality girl and sees you for a quality man, and there is mutual attraction and you make it clear to her from the beginning you are interested in her sexually (and you don't need to sleep with her right away to make this clear), then it will happen.

Otherwise, many marriages wouldn't exist today as they do.

Chase Amante's picture

Hello Christine,

I think this is a pretty common perception. But in fact, speed is unrelated to quality, except in some social circle situations: the women with the highest resistance to fast sex with a guy they like and are attracted to tend, on average, to be the most experienced women, who've slept with men fast before and had those men not chase them as much or get as strong emotions for them, and have learned that it's better to make men wait.

Therefore, the women best equipped to NOT have sex on the first date are the ones who've been around the block a few times and have been snapped up and cast back out again by other men, and now have their "rules" down hard to stay in control in future romantic interactions.

This has nothing to do with "quality," only experience. And even the experienced women will move fast if they slate you as "definitely not boyfriend material," deciding that you're not someone they'd get any benefit out of moving slowly with.


Franco's picture


This sounds like a common response that one of my MANY female friends would (and do) give to me. And there is a reason why I have many female friends... it is because most of them are females that I took on dates and didn't take to bed. I missed my opportunities with these women, and they became "friends on Facebook" that 'like' my status updates and comment with "haha" on my jokes.

Now you can argue, "Oh, well they probably just didn't feel a connection to you or were not that attracted to you." Wrong. I took a beautiful girl out on what I STILL consider to be one of the best dates I have ever had -- if not, the best. When I drove the girl back to her house that night, we continued inside, closed the door, and I gave her an extremely passionate first kiss that EVERY girl would wish to have from a man. When I pulled apart, she looked at me with eyes (that I NOW know) were extremely full of lust and passion.. and she was just waiting for me to sweep her off her feet and take her up to her bedroom. I liked her a lot, so I thought that at THAT time I would take the "high road" and leave her with that first kiss to dwell on (-- silly me!). This was our second date. We texted and called each other back and forth for the next couple of weeks, but since we were busy, we couldn't see each other. When the next opportunity arose to go out, she stopped answering my texts. I found out a few months down the road that she had met another guy and was in a relationship only shortly after meeting him. I still have her on Facebook two years later... she is getting married to that same man in a few months.

What's ironic about your post here is that the narrow-minded view is ACTUALLY the one you are stating: "If you aren't meant to be together, it ain't gonna happen." Chase covers this in another article (and it is also something I preach), but women live in a "fairy tale" world that the right man is just around the corner waiting to court her in the way SHE considers to be "proper" or "passionate." What a girl REALLY doesn't know is that the right man will come into her life when she probably least expects it... and why is that? Because she'll be blown away by his approach and end up in bed with him faster than she can recite the alphabet. The only difference is that THAT man might fall in love with her in the ensuing weeks or months. But the most important point here is that, since the girl is emotionally and physically committed, she will hang around long enough (and even push) to find out!

As far as your comment about STDs... just make sure that you discuss this with your partner shortly after your first night together. And that first night should, of course, involve a condom -- or possibly a few? ;)

Thanks!'s picture

Wow. I was amazed how the examples you mentioned were so close to what I have been doing!

It's refreshing to know that there's a lot of us doing the same thing, and there's a lot of girls that are acting in the same way, it's not that anyone is a bad person or its anything to be angry about, it's merely how we've gone about ourselves thats meant the attraction was gone.

Thanks dude, this has lifted my spirits!

Connelly's picture

Great info on all the topics!!

I've used a bit of the stuff to help me with a girl I've know for around 5 years, we've always been close but both of us have been in and out of relationships in this time. On a weekend while I was back from uni, a group of us got together and me and her really hit it off, I kept it cool and followed a lot of advice on here and she agreed to let me take her out. Kept it simple and took her for drinks, considering I'm only back for the summer I was determined to not waste any time and went for the fast approach, when she brought out the line "I really like you, but I don't think I can risk this friendship" I pushed in a playful way had her laughing and said I wasn't going to pressure her and she asked for time to think it over. I received a text the next day thanking me for a lovely evening and she felt bad for not taking the chance. I replied and then didn't hear from her, this was unusual so sent a text the following morning to make sure everything was ok, I received a reply saying "Sorry forgot to reply to you xx", now for someone who I was seriously considering as girlfriend material I thought this quite rude. She'll normally message me if she catches me on FB or by text, but I've heard nothing over the past few days! I'm not willing to chase someone who simply forgot to text me after 3 days of texting. Am i thinking in to this to much or shall I just walk away and let it be.

Cheers for all your advice it has helped a lot!


Anonymous's picture

Jeff, I think you are attracted to women with low self esteem and who are emotionally unstable. Many people are, including myself, but all thirty-one flavors in one person gets old. Everyone likes a wild woman, the game is to tame. It's a never ending battle. You ever notice its always the really pretty ones?

Give me a somewhat normal woman, cute (at least to me) that won't put up with my shit, and doesn't consider Easy-Mac, "cooking."

Anonymous's picture

Here's my story to chime in. Keep in mind, this is how I reacted before I read this article.

A week ago I went on a date. She was 40 and gorgeous...gorgeous, and her personality seemed beautiful as well. Above all, I was most attracted to her age of 40, I am 33. This gave myself the presumption of more outright and honest behavior.

We met for a drink. The whole time she's talking, being honest, answered every question I had immediately and I'm very straightforward. Nothing about us, but very direct questions about thoughts, etc. Then she starts talking futuristic ally (gave me a yellow flag, not Defcon 5 alarms though). Bartender swings by and she declines a second drink, my heart sank, she was going to leave.

As I get the tab, she asks if I'd like to grab some coffee, BANG! I was in. we were on our date for about four hours. All seemed well from then on.

One day goes by, then 48 hours later I receive a text, pretty late in the night asking what I thought about the date. Said I thought it went well, etc. I fell asleep with open texts on my phone. The next morning I asked if I had answered all her Qs. She said "kind've." then I replied that I would like to meet again. She said "great! Text you later."

I didn't hear from her in about a week. I posted a status update and she replied. I thought about it, again, and again, and again. For one, don't get an ego boost late at night, two, common courtesy is ignore the person or say you want to be friends, and three, im not playing the wishy washy check every account, phone, log into FB game. I deleted her number, texts, FB, everything. Overreaction? Absolutely not according to this article. :)

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