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Matt Fraser's picture


This is just what I needed to read. It couldn't have come at a better time. Of course while reading the article I couldn't help but think of all of the people who fit your descriptions being upset by it and thinking they're "different." I've been preaching this for years and to no avail.

The reason why this is just what I needed to read is because I am one of those people who seems to be a lifelong single person. I am constantly asked why I never have a girlfriend, why I don't do this, why I don't do that. And by this and that, I mean drink and go to clubs. Yes, you read that right. I am a 27 year old former athlete with a muscular/athletic physique, has a Philosophy degree, gets plenty of attention from women, but who also does not drink and does not go to clubs. Imagine that.

And you know why it is that I seem to always be single? Because I don't want a partner who drinks, clubs, or has girls' nights out. You have brilliantly spoken my mind better than I ever could have. Sure, I sleep with my fair share of women. And of all ages, up to their late 40's. But that does not mean I am going to make just any woman my partner. Just because I love sex (so much I considered going into porn in my early twenties) does not mean you can get away without stimulating me intellectually as well if you're looking for more. Because like you said, I want my partner to support and encourage me just as much as I am going to want to support and encourage her. I want to be a team. I want to take on this life together, holding hands instead of dragging each other down to get ahead.

It's exactly how you explained it. There is nothing wrong with girls who do the things mentioned. However, those girls are not who I want to make my partner. They put themselves in situations where infidelity is so much more prevalent and easily accessible. Not only that, but those types of behaviors are the types that indicate a lack of control. I do have one massive weakness in this whole situation, a lack of trust.

We all have them, right? Sure. But some of us learn from getting burned a little better than others. And truth be told, I have learned. I just unfortunately have held on to every ounce of betrayal I've ever experienced and it takes a toll on me daily. Channeling that problem is something I really need to work on and I'm not sure how it will ever get better. It's to the point where should the right person be available to make my partner, who provides that encouragement and support, I wonder if I will be able to even trust her. I would like to think that in the case of a woman like that, trusting would come much more easily.

But aside from that, I am living by the same creed underlined in this article. It was brilliant, and right on.