7 Ways to Touch a Girl + 3 Ways to Have HER Touch YOU | Girls Chase

7 Ways to Touch a Girl + 3 Ways to Have HER Touch YOU

touch a girlEver find yourself wondering how to touch a girl in a smooth, natural, normal way?

Ever find yourself wondering how to get girls to touch you?

In the article on cognitive dissonance, a reader asks the following:

Now in my head during this conversation one of the single girls moved her leg under the table to rest against my leg and turned to say "I'm sorry" but before she could I raised my eyebrows in a flirty way of saying "Sure, put your leg on mine." Which I found quite ironic but then it got me thinking...

How can a guy not come across as "over touchy/trying to force/awkward" and more on the side of getting her thinking positive thoughts?

Like this commenter points out, the problem you run into with things you're inexperienced in is, they often feel forced.

And when touch feels forced... it feels really awkward.

And awkward is not really all that attractive.

So, in this article, we're going to have a look at seven (7) ways to touch a girl that she'll respond to and enjoy, and three (3) ways you can easily get her to take the initiative and touch you first.

Chase AmanteAbout the Author: Chase Amante

Chase woke up one day in 2004 tired of being alone. So, he set to work and read every book he could find, studied every teacher he could meet, and talked to every girl he could talk to to figure out dating. After four years, scads of lays, and many great girlfriends (plus plenty of failures along the way), he launched this website. He will teach you everything he knows about girls in one single program in his Mastery Package.


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Anonymous's picture

Hey Chase, this article is very insightful as are all the articles on this site.In the video Jennifer Lopez commands George Clooney to sit down,is this a test,how do you respond when a women try's to command you?

Is there a difference in percentage of rejections between night game (bars and clubs) and day game in your experience?What is a good rejection rate to strive for in both venues?

Ive only done day game up until this point because it feels more relaxed and comfortable to me,and I have a feeling that rejections in night clubs have more of a sting and are more frequent.

Chase Amante's picture


When a woman commands you, assuming you're going to go along with the command and not brush it off, the best response is what Clooney did in that video - simply accept quietly without objecting or making a fuss about it, and move to the next thing. The less of a big deal you make it, the lower effort complying with the command appears, and the less investment you seem to be making, so you lose little and appear more in control (than, say, a guy who objects, then complies, or a guy who jokes around, then complies).

Rejection rates in day and night game vary quite widely depending on the guy, his style, his approach, the venue, etc. For instance, you can get an almost 0% rejection rate if you use the old PUA "I need a female opinion" opener... but that also means you're going to end up getting into conversations with a lot of women who aren't interested in you at all. If you're not getting rejected, you're probably coming in too soft/weak, and women are being overly nice - including the women who aren't attracted to you. Alternately, you can come across so strong that EVERYBODY rejects you (just about) - e.g., the old "stand at a bus stop and ask every girl who comes along if she wants to have sex." The only women who will respond will be the ones who are already incredibly interested in you.

Night game rejections are a bit different from daytime rejections - you'll get more confused / "Oh, huh?" rejections during the daytime, and more "That's nice, but I'm not interested" type rejections at night. It's pretty rare you'll get an outright harsh rejection, unless you're coming across extremely strong, even at night - occasionally you'll run into women who are really trying to show off about how powerful they are to their friends by snubbing you hard, but those are usually only the midrange caliber looks girls, so as long as you're aiming higher than the middle of the pack it usually won't happen.

Nighttime rejections tend to happen a lot more as the night progresses and women get more and more sloppy drunks hitting on them - if you want to try out night game and want as warm a reception with as little chance of a harsh rejection as possible, start early in the night when everybody's still sober and women are as open to meeting new people as they're usually going to get (save the girls who are really horny and get really drunk - those girls can get substantially more open later in the night, but there's usually also a ton of competition for them, too, and you've really got to be on your A-game... if you're even interested in a really horny drunk girl).


Anonymous's picture

Hi chase
this is completely off topic but i was speaking to this girl and things went well and just when i gave her my name and i was going to ask for hers she said she was getting picked up and she right because i saw her getting picked up ... now when i see her tomorrow, i don't know how i'm going to carry on from where i left off ... this is how it went off

me: excuse me, you alright?
her: yeah
me: are you single
her: (she didn't say anything she just used her hand to imply she was 50/50)
me: oh ... i saw you coming out from college, i just had to say you have the most amazing face to look at
her: (smiles) ... thank you
me: my name is ***** what's your name
her: huh?

when i was about to repeat it, she said she was getting picked up and so she did go into a car. i just want to know i'm going to continue the next time i meet her.

Anonymous's picture

hey there sorry i didn't get your name the other day

Hugh 's picture

Good article Chase, couple questions, when introducing yourself, is it best to just grab her hand and do so, or put out your hand for her to greet?

This question is off topic but I'm from around the Philly area and venture into the city frequently. Where are the best places to meet women/ your favorite places/ house music clubs?

Illflyers28's picture

Hey Hugh,

I am obviously not chase but maybe my advice will help you. I'm from the Philly area as well and although I haven't yet ventured into the city I plan on doing it in the coming weeks at least once. For now I have just been researching the best spots in Philly. I personally have been looking for exclusive house/ambient clubs, like chase mentioned in his bars and clubs article, but I've found no such luck just looking on the Internet. He did mention however that these type of clubs are usually underground. I gave up on looking and decided to just go down the city and figure it out myself. What I did find out though is that there are specific neighborhoods that have multiple bars and clubs which are Old City, Northern liberties, and South Street and im sure theres more. Now I can't vouch for any of them for I never been. Hopefully my advice helped and was not something you already knew. Let me know if you know of any good spots or discover anything worthwhile.


Chase Amante's picture


I've gone out very little in Philadelphia, and honestly can't be much help there... I was in a few bars in Philly last autumn, but other people were driving me around and I couldn't even tell you what the names of the places were if I had to think back. Illflyers seems to have some good suggestions, and you can always check Yelp for a starting point - and then, go from there. One of my favorite things to ask new people when exploring a new city is, "Where are the best places in town to go for X?" People will tell you about all kinds of hidden gems you wouldn't otherwise know about - sometimes they'll even take you there themselves, or they'll take you to places they have special access to. When you're in a bar or a nightclub, it's very easy to start asking cool people, "Where's the best place in town to meet cute girls?" or, "Where's your favorite place to just chill and listen to some house music and meet cool people?"

On the greeting, I wouldn't recommend taking a girl's hand - it's a little overly aggressive and could be scary/creepy if she isn't expecting it... and it forces you to do all the work. When you hold your hand out to her, palm up, she's then got to extend her hand and take yours - getting her started on following your lead and complying, and reinforcing in her mind that she's complying because she's chosen to comply, rather than because she didn't have a choice in the matter.


The M's picture

Hey Chase,

I've only dabbled in this so far, but I think it's time to really ramp it up. I think my timing was sometimes kind of awkward, so I have some questions about that. Let's take a sample dialogue at a high point:

Me: (teasing) It seems that you're an expert at melting things.
Her: (laughing) I like that!
(pause, sexy eye contact, smiling)
Me: So...what'd you do after that?
Her: Well, I tried to pick it up with a spoon, and...

Could you insert, if you please, the recommended times for 1) when I put my hand on, and 2) when I take my hand off? Also, do I wait for her to pull away, or do I take off my hand on my own? (In the George Clooney clip, I guess both happen during the pause, he touches her as soon as she gets close enough, she pulls away, and there's some more playful deep diving after that in the full movie.)

The M

Chase Amante's picture


I'd run that conversation like so:

You: It seems like you're an expert [pause; clap your hand on top of hers] at melting things.

Her: [laughing] I like that!

You: [pause, sexy eye contact, smiling]

You: So... [remove hand, pull up in an expository gesture as you talk] what'd you do after that?

Running things that way makes your touch (clapping your hand onto hers, then leaving it there) like putting an explanation mark on the point... then letting it linger there seductively... then removing it casually to make another point (in the air) as you talk, before she's had the chance to pull away (so she's left missing your hand somewhat).


Anonymous's picture

Hey Chase,

How do you go about picking up girls while they are working? Bartenders,waitresses, and etc. 2. And whats your thoughts on trying to get a girl while driving? as in shes in a car and your in a car.

Thank you

Chase Amante's picture


I have a hired guns article in the queue - will get it up sooner or later! The best advice is "know her industry" so you're not saying the same boring things that every guy says (and thinks make him sound clever), but I'll expand on that when I can write a proper article on it.

Getting a girl while driving... that's one I can't say I've done... I guess I haven't spent enough time driving! I'm assuming you're seeing girls sitting next to you in traffic? If I was to do it - and this is speculation - the first thing I'd probably try is getting her attention by making overly dramatic "big eyes" at her with my eyebrows raised, then holding up my cell phone and pointing at it, then gesturing to her, then pointing at it again, then mouthing the words, "Call me!" Then I'd roll down my window and gesture for her to roll down hers. If she's smiling / laughing and complies with rolling down the window, you'd be in good shape - then it's just yelling out to her, "I need your phone number!" and typing it in as she tells you. After you get it, tell her, "I'll call you later! I'm Anon!" and then drive off when the light changes.

If you end up trying that (or anything else) out, let me know - I'd be interested how this pans out after you've tried it 10 or 20 times and gotten a little bit of data on it.


Wolf's picture

Hi Chase I have a lot of questions about touch.

1. My friends wife doesn't like to date outside her race and since I'm not her race and she's married to my friend please explain this to me.
We work together, so one day at work she was feeling all over me and she never did this before ever. Ranging from arms around shoulders, close proximity, and feeling on my bicep while keeping her hand on it for a while. This was all in front of our mutual friend. She even had her arm around my shoulder in front of her husband when we were tipsy. What's up with her?

2. If a girl has more than enough room to step aside but she lightly brushes your arm, did she do it on purpose or did she brush my arm as a mistake?

3. If girls touch you and say sorry do they do it as an excuse to touch you and if you look at them so they don't get rejected if you didn't like it?

4. In a nightclub this girl was on both sides of me, meaning she was on my left then later that night she was on my right. Was that for me to open her?

5. Am I becoming a natural, because I touch girls excatly as you wrote in the article before I even read it?

6. I put my arms around a girl while I was getting her number. Did she give it to me because of this or was it because she likes to give her number out?

7. If a girl hits you,flirts with you,seeks attention from you but she calls you ugly , does that mean she really think that and that my fundamentals are the only thing attracting her?

8. What to do if a girl says your ugly or thinks that?

Thank you Chase!!!

Wit and Logic's picture

Skipping 1 as the details arent deep enough and I can't give advice on tipsy/drunk. Haha

2) Best train of thought is to gain a thought process of thinking that she wanted to touch you. Small little things like these were you are thinking positive will give you a better thinking habbits and also give you more self confidence when you are naturally thinking "she's into me" and not "It wad an accident/fluke"

3) some girls are touchy feely, some are not. It all depends on the girl. If she is one who normally wouldnt touch a guy but does to you, then assume the thought process of answer #2. If she does naturally touch people then it probaly didnt even cause her a second hesitation and was nothing special.

4) your question was typed wrong. It shouldnt be "was that for me to open her?" But more along the lines of "why didn't I open her?" Fool you once shame on me, fool ya twice shame on you

5) sure. If it gives you more self confidence then yes. Dont get complacent you can always get better. Heck I'm really good with women but I was the one who asked for this article specifically. You can always learn, even the naturals

6) probably a mixture of both. I saw your description as kind of over excesive but hey, it worked

7 & 8) I've got a hunch a girl you have a thing for took your man card and called you ugly. Show your selfconfidence then and there. Its in thise moments where a female "shit tests" a guy and we've got to be armed and ready. Whether you play it cool, ignore, or reverse it playfully back. Dont let your pride destroy and opportunity

Chase Amante's picture


Wit and Logic nailed most of these pretty well already. So, just a few points-

On #1, most likely scenario was she was trying to make her guy jealous. Second most likely was that she was really digging you... and wanted to make her guy jealous to some degree. I don't pay much attention to women talking about not dating outside their races - I've seen plenty of women say, "I would NEVER date an X man!" only for those women to later end up dating men of exactly that race. It's gotten to the point where if a girl says she won't date X kind of man, I now assume she WANTS to date X kind of man and is struggling to control herself from doing so (and will eventually lose that struggle).

On "ugly," sounds like hard flirting. If a girl told me this, I'd just lean in close to her face and say, "I'm the ugliest man there is," and then lean back and grin at her.

And then see if I could pull her out of there 5 minutes later.


Wit and Logic's picture

Hey man, thanks for this article it really brings me back to the basics of "getting" women. If I may add one more thing to this article is that..

When us as guys get touched by the female we cant look at the hand and cant change our mood/facial tells. Like poker a girl can read when your excited or nervous. We should notice their touch but not be affected causing the girl to assume you are confident enough to be in close physical proximity with women without "being awkward or creepy"

Next article suggestion..

"Kino games and flirtation games" I know for me personally that starring contests are great (you can also check for pupil dilation), figure out the finger trace drawing on the backside (if she is wearing a lower shoulder shirt finger to skin is a easy physical touch helper) and also random high fives or fist pumps and letting them linger for an extra couple seconds..but what else is there? Any creative ideas or easy ways to create close proximity fun while in the middle of class/restaurant/work area??

Chase Amante's picture


Good call on not having any "tells." Yes, especially among highly socially attuned women, girls are looking for tells, and the moment they see one it's a loud, clear sign they've "got" you. Interest can fade pretty fast. Pretending not to notice (while making a mental note that she's becoming increasingly excited and you ought to escalate things in a few minutes, as soon as it won't seem reactive) is usually the best play here.

On flirtation games, I stay away from anything too fancy these days - spinning women around, etc. My preferences is just drawing women in - pull her body right up into my body. This works best if you take her hand and pull her in - the less she feels like you are doing the pulling (i.e., tugging her hand feels like you're doing less than if you wrap your arm around her waist and yank her in), the more she feels like she's doing it on her own. If you do this one right, a surprising amount of the time (most of the time, actually) women will just stay there pressed up against you until you release them and (gently) push them back a bit.


Flames's picture

Hey Chase,

I've always had difficulty with touch, even as a baby I was for some reason touch averse too, and I'm currently at a point where I'm going to be mainly working on this. If I'm totally comfortable with someone and have already been seeing them I'm fine, it seems to be that unless I'm sure of a good response then I won't bother. It doesn't *seem* to have held me back in the past but I sometimes wonder.

I also quite often these days find girls touching me a lot, sometimes in quite flirty ways and although I'm perfectly fine with that, and even enjoy that kind of playfulness. I still have a problem reciprocating in that way, it still feels creepy/wierd to me and would never think about initiating things that way, again I'm wondering if these girls actually want me to, or I'm reading something into it that isn't there, which throws me off my pace.


Chase Amante's picture


Liked the subject line. Very James Bond-ian type of cheesy pun there.

Touch is most useful for creating a sexual vibe when you're not able to do this with vibe. However, vibe trumps touch, because it's lower effort.

What you'll find is that as a guy gets more advanced, touch becomes less and less necessary, voice/eyes/facial expressions/vibe/tension gradually supplanting touch as his primary means of creating sexual desires and intrigue. Basically, if you're a beginner or an intermediate guy with sexiness, touch is essential, because you won't be able to create enough sexual tension any other way. But, as you get better and better at being sexy, it starts to become something you do less, then less, then eventually almost stop touching altogether.

It's probably still worth playing around with touch long enough to get comfortable with it it with women you don't mind trying things out and perhaps being a little awkward with, but I get the impression from what I see of your stuff that you're already fairly adept at creating enough sexual intrigue without it that you probably don't need it - or might even see a reduction in sexiness by switching to it.


Flames's picture

Yeah I guess your right 'creating' vibe is not something I struggle with these days, so I guess it's a case of using it when. I feel it's needed, rather than just because... I am making slow progress though and strangely (at least to me) it does seem to be having an effect.

Another great article :)


Anonymous's picture

Great article Chase.

I'm going to purchase the Mastery Pick-up Package program, but I am in the UK. I was wondering how will I be charged?


Chase Amante's picture


Charges work the same as with anything else you'd pay for via credit card online. There are no extra fees for non-U.S. buyers, and buyers from the U.K. comprise the second largest customer segment on Girls Chase. If you have a credit card that charges you a foreign transaction fee for buying in dollars instead of pounds that's the only possible additional fee, but I'm pretty sure most U.K. cards don't do this (and a quick Google check of your credit card ought to tell you if yours does).

So - what you see is what you get!


sn's picture

Chase, i've been following your articles for quite some time now.

Through learning from your site and from my experience, I have to say...

I finally managed to bed a girl the first day we met!

She was a bit of a struggle, however being persistence with a slight smile made her more comfortable to finally come home w me.

Thank you! Keep up the awesome work.


Chase Amante's picture

I'm glad to hear it, Sn! Hope it was a great experience for both you and her.

Keep at it and you'll keep seeing progress - there's plenty more to that iceberg beneath the tip.


Vaughn's picture

Hey chase, im sorry about the mix up with the names. My name is Vaughn, my phone just has auto type and when I begin to type my name it has it already spelt, it just had an extra A in there I didn't notice.

My first question chase is about my comment about the girls giggling. I wanted to know if it was because I was big, not big, I had no rhythm, or because I was getting horny? Can you tell me the reason why they giggled?

Question two. Is a girl trying to create false value for herself? She always assumes that I want to make her my girlfriend when all I ever said was I just want to have sex with her. I pretty much was forward with my interest with her sexually no boyfriend material over here. anyway she'll say stuff like she has feelings for her ex and not ready for a relationship and we can be friends. Even after I told her I really don't care if I talk to her or not and I just want sex.

Quick question I just thought of. If you haven't had contact with a girl for years and you sleep with more girls and pick up more girls, but you still think about her and how you regret messing up with her but not with any other girl in the past. Why is that? I messed up with a lot of girls and they all look better than her and treated me better but I think about this one girl from time to time. Why is that and how do I stop? Cheers Chase Your A Good Man.

Chase Amante's picture


No worries on the name, I just wasn't sure if your twin brother was posting on here too ;)

Giggling - if you were getting an erection, that could've been it. When I first started hitting clubs in 2005, I used to do a lot of grinding on the dance floor because I (rather foolishly, in retrospect) thought that was what you should do to get girls. And for a while that would turn me on, but then I got pretty used to it and it ceased being exciting anymore. After that, I recall dancing with a girl for a few songs once who, at one point, leaned over to her friend next to her and clearly said, "He isn't getting hard!" My first thought was, "WTF?" I realized a lot of girls make a game out of trying to make silly grinding guys like I was back then get erections... it's a form of validating themselves. As soon as it happens, they can say, "Ha! He wants me, even though I don't want him!"

The girl in your "question two" sounds like she's just brushing you off politely. She's taking care of your emotions because, for whatever reason, she sees herself as the higher social status person, and you as lower status, so she's trying to be nice and protect your ego so she doesn't hurt your feelings. It's just a nice way of saying, "I don't want to sleep with you." I'd suggest dropping contact and moving onto the next girl.

And on past women... the brain is dumb in some ways, and the only way it really knows how to value things is by the amount of time and effort put into them. The more time, energy, emotion, and effort you put into something, the more valuable it becomes to you, even if you get objectively "better" things later on for less effort. There's no way around it, really... those girls from the past that you plowed huge amounts of time and emotion into will always hold something of a special place in your heart, even when you get much prettier, smarter, more charismatic, etc. girls later on (and it works the same way for women... the guys they went craziest for in the past always hold a big spot in their hearts, for the rest of their lives).


Matt's picture

Hi Chase,

Two questions:

1) How do you deal with women who are very direct and independent? Went out with a girl the other night (admittedly, she was 26- older than me) who would not follow my lead, she would insist strongly that we walk down a certain street, or go to a certain bar.

2) Living at home is the ultimate cock block. And recently, when girls have asked where I live, and I say I'm still with my parents (keep in mind, I'm 22- just graduated from college), it immediately turns them off to me. Some girls have gone cold on the spot, probably because they wanted to get intimate but now the logistics are challenging.

Do you know of good any ways to deflect answering the "who do you live with question?" Or, to answer it in honestly a cool and suave way that won't make me look weak and dependent?


Chase Amante's picture


A woman who's leading strongly is only leading that way because she perceives herself as having the upper hand in your power dynamic. However the two of you met and started up, it went in a way that led to her feeling like she's the one in charge. You can try and wrest power from her by gradually escalating the level of compliance you get from her while reducing yours as much as possible without being totally uncooperative, but this takes a little time and is very difficult to do. The other alternative is following her lead calmly while trying to be as attractive as possible and do everything as effortlessly as possible - sometimes these women will decide on their own it's time to sleep with you.

Much of the time, it's easiest just to write it off as a situation in which you messed up somewhere near the beginning, and go try better next time with the next girl. You can certainly try and grind it out and try things around, but make sure you set a date cut off limit to prevent yourself sinking a lot of time in and becoming an orbiter who perpetually feels like he's "almost there" but never quite gets there.

Living at home - I haven't really had to deal with this myself, but I'd suggest trying this: when she asks you where you live, just give her an area, e.g., "Down on Mainline Ave." If she asks if you have roommates, say, "Yeah, a guy and a gal," (your mom and dad). Then just DON'T take her back to your place. Escalate in your car and get intimate with her there. For the next date, go somewhere near where she lives and end up back in her place (or find some other convenient sex logistics).

Once you've slept with her a couple of times, assuming she likes you a bit, you'll be able to tell her you still live with mom and dad while you get on your feet, and she'll be a lot more forgiving than she will if you haven't slept with her yet.

Or if you want to take her home same-night, have sex in the car first, then take her home. Explain you live with your mom and dad. Then have sex in your room in your family's home just to pound home the point that this isn't a big deal.


anonk's picture

Well I missed my prom.it ripped my heart out but I'm healed yet the scars r still present.the cause of this way my social phobia/anxiety .I psyched the shit out myself and failed to take advantage of opportunities when they were available.I truly missed out on vast experience I could have gotten but it's the things that hurt so much that enables us to grow stronger.as I always say the cure to regrets is to make amends in the future.
I asked a girl 4 her number today for the first time and of course I got it. I'm looking forward to calling her next week.so I'm now learning to take the bull by the horns in all endeavors in life.it feels good.so Chase what can I do to cure regrets like missing out on prom and other missed opportunities?do I sholve it deeper into my unconscious and pretend like it didn't hurt or what?
Thanks again ;-)

Chase Amante's picture

Sorry to hear it, Anonk. Props on getting a new phone number, though.

The thing about regrets, unfortunately, is that they're something of an indelible mark - once they're there, they're there for life. You'll always look back and say, "Damn, that was stupid of me. I SHOULD have..." They do fade with time. But never completely.

The only thing you can do about regrets is to realize they never go away, and refuse to let yourself do things in the future that are going to cause you more regrets. You regret the things you don't do... so if you ever find yourself trying to decide if you should do something, or you shouldn't do something - unless somebody stands to get hurt if you do it - then do it.


Anonymous's picture

I'm going on a date tomorrow and will definitely try all this out. I am slowly getting better at this and make it a point to kiss every girl I go on a date with (the last 3). Last year at the ripe old age of 27 I finally started to go on dates (all via online) but they were always awkward and platonic since I could not for the life of me touch girls. Almost all touch was initiated by them, which was often simply a hug. I had one girl lunge in for a kiss which shocked me since I was such a coward back then (last October haha). I think I always saw touching women as taboo because of taking things too literally. I used to think it was weird when female co-workers touched me, thinking in my head "isn't this breaking sexual harassment policy?" I really am happy I found this site since I am slowly improving with my interactions with women with this new found knowledge. You have no idea how incredibly awkward I have been through much of my life (never picking up on social ques, socially isolated, never sharing interests with others, getting obsessed with obscure topics, selectively mute, etc.).

Chase Amante's picture


Glad to hear it. Touch is a BIG one for reducing awkwardness... extremely useful for this.

Can't say for sure, but your behavior (missing social cues, obsessed with obscure topics, awkward around touch) sound similar to Asperger's Syndrome, a mild form of autism. People with Asperger's tend to be very mechanically adept, but unable to learn things intuitively like most people can... social and romantic topics being among the (major) skill sets that nobody teaches mechanically and everybody learns intuitively, and Aspies (as they tend to call themselves) often struggle with.

Regardless, as with anything, as you work on it, try out new stuff, and keep piling up the experience, the problems start to go away, and the solutions become clearer and clearer. Just needs a bit of time... and a lot of deliberate practice.


Ciab's picture

Good article Mr. Chase. I appreciate all of your help. Please continue being such an amazing and influential writer. You may understand more than anyone else that "where there is love, there is life." Good luck to you in all of your travels and ventures.

Damian's picture

Something important is that every country has it's rules when it comes to touch, in argentina NOT kissing a girl on the cheek would be awkward, it's the common way to greet people, with males it's like 50/50 with hand shaking, which is used in more formal situations or with other guys of the same age when in a circle (you just pass the hand from guy to guy in a group you just got into).
So for greeting girls I would suggest a cheeck kiss and small hug, with your arm wrapping her shoulders lightly, with a warm smile.

jack's picture


Could you outline how you kino / touch progress on dates? When you meet her for example, do you give her a hug? Then when do you start touching her; i.e. how long into the date? Do you kiss her on the date at the venue? Even just a small kiss? Do you do arm in arm when you leave? Etc.

Could you post on this or outline how you run your dates? I'm sure many of your readers would like a sample field report or something like that. Thanks

Chase Amante's picture



I actually touch very little on my own dates these days, because most of what I need to convey is conveyed in vibe, and when your vibe is handling this for you you mess that up with too much touch. The more powerful your presence becomes, the less touch you want to employ.

I never give hugs; those are platonic - girls do them with their guy friends. I very rarely kiss a girl unless I'm somewhere I can have sex with her then and there. The one exception is if I need to part ways with her for a moment for some reason and come back and get her later - a quick passionate kiss that I end can keep her from running off with another guy a few minutes longer if she's drunk and horny and there are a lot of people around (but usually I'd try to just get her out of there without having to leave her side... every time you leave, you introduce a great deal of risk). Kissing is the beginning of sex, and if you don't end it perfectly (with her still chasing the kiss and wanting it very badly), and there's a large break between that kiss and having sex, the power balance shifts, intrigue evaporates, and attraction disappears. Arm-in-arm for leaving: rarely, unless the girl takes my arm. Much of the time I'll even disentangle my arm myself here. It feels too relationship-y, and the boyfriend zone is not where you want to be when pulling (unless you're up for tearing through a ton of resistance back at yours).

For me, I'll hold my hand out palm up when first meeting a girl, and have her take my hand, then hold it for a moment as a greeting. If I want to move her, I'll offer her the crook of my arm and motion for her to loop her arm through it. If there's an electric vibe in the air while we're standing and talking, I may take her hand and pull her body into me, then after a few moments push her gently back away. I'll sometimes tap her stomach (while standing) or her thigh (when sitting) to make a point, especially if I really want her to pay attention or if I think she's acting distracted. I will occasionally touch her breasts or her butt in the context of demonstrating a story I'm telling if she seems conservative or reserved and I want to break her out of that and test her reaction (to see if she's going to stiffen up, or if she's going to give me a pass that she wouldn't give most men). I won't do this with sexually charged women because they read that as you just picking up on their sex drive and reacting like the normal horndog men who can't keep their hands off them do.

And for me, that's really about it. Everything else I want to convey I convey with vibe. Women will often touch ME a lot, but I pretend not to notice this and just keep talking with them normally (while making a note to move things forward soon).

That will all be a lot different depending on where you're at. When I was a beginner I touched a LOT. My hand would be on girls' lower backs throughout a conversation. I'd sit next to them with our legs touching (I'll still do this on dates sometimes, especially if I'm not picking up much of a sex vibe from a girl). I'd take their hands a lot, hold hands, touch their arms, play with their hair, pick them up, spin them around, all sorts of stuff, most of which is too gamey for me now and would hurt sexual tension.

I still like throwing girls onto my bed or into the ocean though. Those two are a lot of fun.


Marc's picture

Hey Chase,

Just wanted to let you know how fantastic I think this article is. Growing up I had a strong aversion to touching people, and it set me behind socially - I'm 24 and I'm just starting to make efforts to be more social. I started reading your articles a couple months ago (money is tight so I'm limited to 10 per month), and earlier this week I started making it a point to always talk to girls I don't know (when time permits), and keep moving things forward. So far around 40% of women are open to talking to me, and around 85% of those women have given me their digits.

Once I have some money I'll definitely be looking to grab a membership, this website (mostly your articles) has been an amazing resource in my challenge to alter my lifestyle!

Look out world,

Mariovi's picture

In this article article which is great by the way... Says that sexual touch is a big no no out in public. But what about using sexual right before having sex in an unusual place?? How would that work? Sex in unusual places is all I got since I'm still in high school!

Anonymous's picture

I am a woman and this definitely got me aroused thinking of a certain guy I like doing these things.... definitely a good article with good advice!

Nice guy's picture

Hey Chase,
Good article man. Although I have a question.
There was a girl. She was giving me all positive signals right from body language to everything. We used to meet for about an hour or so at a work out place. After about one month (in which I met her about 7-8 times only) of knowing her, I asked her out for coffee. But she politely rejected it. I was surprised. Why would that have happened? Is it because of lack of touching? or was I interpreting signals wrongly?

Anonymous's picture

Great article. I think you hit the nail in the head. And I am a female reader.
I have a question for you. Here's the scenario:
I'm an attractive woman in my 20's. One of the men I work with is in his 50's. Big age difference, I know. But there has been a lot of flirting between us off and on, just little things: A comment here, a slight sexual innuendo there, an occasional compliment, but mostly TOUCHING. While at work, he has touched my elbow lightly, he has grabbed my wrist gently to look at something on my arm, he's grabbed a necklace I was wearing (touching my chest as he did it), and when he's standing next to me, he likes to stand REALLY close, sometimes touching. He's also commanded me. I love it, and I don't think it's weird at all, even considering the age difference. In fact, it's a huge turn-on. But.. nothing has come of it. It's been months. So I don't know if he's knowingly doing these things to get me hot, or if he just happens to be doing these things without being aware of how it affects me. And I don't know what to do or say to find out the answer without being too obvious or coming across as too sexual. I don't want to scare him off - he has his head screwed on tight and he's very mature, and there's quite an age difference, so it might be weird to him if I made a move. But I also know he's a man and men are sexual. Do you think he's purposely touching me for sexual reasons, or do you think it's just coincidence and I'm just reacting like any woman would? How would I go about getting him to "step it up" without making it weird? I'm a single woman and I desperately crave touch...

Heat's picture

Hey Chase I loved the article. I have a little situation and I want to know if this would help.

I have a friend and we have been talking for a while. Recently we finally started hanging out. Once was with her friends and another time at a concert with two of her friends that were dating. So we had a lot time together just me and her that second time. Neither of those times did I apply touch. Is it still possible for me to do it and how should I go a long if she likes her space?

Sonnyboy's picture

There is this girl who really liked me for like 6 months and we are in the same school,every time I see her or go pass her she smiles at me a lot or stares at me,when ever she goes pass my classroom she goes with a friend to hide behind (her friend) so that I don't see her and walks fast..and I'm trying to go up to her and ask her out,but I'm scared she might reject me or maybe she has a boyfriend,and I know that in her mind she can't keep waiting like this for me to come up to her and I think she's gonna stop liking me soon an now I don't really see her around...so please I need to do something about it please give me tips!

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