Girls Who Want to Sleep with You Usually Know It Right Away | Girls Chase

Girls Who Want to Sleep with You Usually Know It Right Away

Chase Amante

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girls know right away
When you walk up, and she looks up at you, she knows if she could go to bed with you later. What comes after is simply leading her there, and making her feel allowed to go.

There are two schools of thought when it comes to sex.

One school of thought is what you might call the 'normal guy school'. In this school, a woman will not go to bed with you until you have 'gotten her ready'. The ways a normal guy tries to make a woman want him / tries to 'get her ready' include:

  • Spending time with her
  • Connecting enough with her
  • Making her laugh
  • Showing her whom he is
  • Displaying valuable things about himself
  • Communicating to her she 'qualifies' for him

Once she has seen enough of the guy's good qualities, goes this school of thought, she will then open up to the idea of sex.

The other school of thought though is what we might call the 'lover school'. In this school, if a woman is going to go to bed with you, she knows it the moment you approach. You still will end up doing things like:

  • Spending time with her
  • Connecting enough with her
  • Making her laugh
  • Showing her whom you are
  • Displaying valuable things about yourself
  • Communicating to her she 'qualifies' for you

However, these actions serve the purpose of moving things along and getting her comfortable enough to let her guard down with you. They are not to 'make her want you'... not really.

Because she already wanted you. You're just trying to help her feel like it's okay to give into what she wants.

Although the actions are superficially the same, the intentions behind these actions are dramatically different between these two men. These intentions drive differences in how the man carries out these actions, how much of them he feels he needs, and how fast with women he thinks he can move.

The more you think like the men in the second school of thought (the lover school), the more natural, easy, and fluid you will find getting together with new women becomes.

Chase AmanteAbout the Author: Chase Amante

Chase woke up one day in 2004 tired of being alone. So, he set to work and read every book he could find, studied every teacher he could meet, and talked to every girl he could talk to to figure out dating. After four years, scads of lays, and many great girlfriends (plus plenty of failures along the way), he launched this website. He will teach you everything he knows about girls in one single program in his One Date System.

GET CHASE’S ONE DATE SYSTEM

Comments

Zorz's picture

Wow. That's a really great article! Although I don't have much experience as a seducer,  I have studied and applied to myself Freudian psychoanalysis. And as I started exploring and understanding myself and the sexual limitations that was subconsciously present in me, I begun to recognize the same limitations in women. And then the amazing truth that you describe in your post hit me. It wasn't that most women didn't want me, it was that they just needed help overcoming their inner obstacles just like I did. Once I started thinking and acting this way I found success with them. Seduction is like a small psychoanalysis. 

I am very glad to find that someone discovered the same truth through a different path. 

Author
Chase Amante's picture

Zorz-

Yes, exactly.

You could almost say "Anyone could do anything... except for his own mental resistance."

The better you get at removing resistance from others, the better able you are to free them to do things they want, that you also want them to do.

It's also possible to do this in ways that are harmful... cult leaders removing the resistance for self-destructive behavior, for instance.

So there is a large degree of responsibility you have as you get better and better at removing resistance from people.

But really, anyone is capable of anything, if the internal resistance that person has to the thing goes down. That's why alcohol is so popular as a hookup aid: because it lowers resistance.

Chase

Zorz's picture

Funny thing is that the mental models that society provides us are useless. I grew up believing that resisting something means that you do not want that, that you are indifferent to it. How foolish of me, psychoanalysis taught me. There's got to be a will in the first place in order to resist it. You've got to want that in order to resist to it. Otherwise you would be totally indifferent. And that's the point where I understandood the quote "The opposite of love is not hate. They are the same. The opposite is indefference".

Applying this to women, not even one out of a hundred was truly indifferent to me. Sure I faced a lot of resistance and tests and even insults, but I began to understand that they wanted something and they resisted to it. It was not even me that they were trying to resist but themselves, their inner wishes.  The more lust I saw in their eyes, the more resistance I was expecting. That's funny.  And that's why women are silly and cute. But then again it's the same reason I wouldn't trust a woman who gets angry, upset, frustrated, evasive etc when I ask her if she would cheat. She is resisting, and to resist requires a will in the first place. Calm indifference in her reactions is what I would trust. And that's rare in women. 

One day I read one of your quotes "A test is but an invitation: Make me submit if you have the ability to" and everything that happens in a seduction made at last perfect sense to me. You don't walk up to a woman persuade her to like you. Most of the times she already does (it's very funny how stupid you can be when you are a beginner). You walk up to persuade her to just let her guards down (submit). Most men, like me in the past, can't tell the difference between resistance and indifference, and that's sad, because they think that women don't like them. And they miss one of the greatest things life has to offer, love.

1984's picture

"When a man walks up to a woman, assuming he's taller than she is, she has to look up to look at him; this is a bit like looking up at a lover in bed." 

Do you know what goes through the mind of the women if the guy is shorter than her though? I always wonder about that.

" that lack of the 'guy above her when he walks up' effect may even be part of the reason guys often struggle with women taller than themselves - though of course you can still do very well with women even as a short guy [link 1] "

Yes, that article had a really good tip which I used that gave me pretty good results with a girl much taller than me.

Author
Chase Amante's picture

1984-

Do you know what goes through the mind of the women if the guy is shorter than her though? I always wonder about that.

Good question... I don't know.

I guess that would make it more important to get her in a lower position than you at some point early on. She leans against the bar while you stand erect; she's seated while you're standing. Etc.

As far as "what flashes through the mind of a taller woman when you approach" though, I'd need to talk to a self-aware woman or two about the "looking up at him in bed" concept and ask her if she relates to that and what the difference is when the guy is shorter. And what short guys who've bedded her have done different (if there's a difference in how they make this impression).

Chase

Lover's picture

"Most women don't start to immediately think about sex when they see a man they like. Instead, a woman feels an opening up of possibilities with that man. If he wanted sex with her, she wouldn't immediately be opposed to the idea, like she would with some other men."

This is the most controversial thing ever stated.

It's the first time in the 5 years I've known GC that I actually feel some dissonance reading an article. But I have to say it makes sense.

My first thought until the quote: "But do women realize this consciously?"

Then I read the quote, and I'm like "This is definitely not the male perspective".

No matter what way I try to twist my memories of former lovers and FWB, right now I can't help but think "so they wanted to explore what was on the table, and I led them to intimacy". With some of them, I can think of one particular event that was the turning point where intimacy was almost inevitable after that. And when they mentioned how bold/confident/passionable/etc. that particular thing (like holding them in my arm or speaking about my ambitions etc) was, and they liked it... all I could wonder was "what happened all of a sudden?! The vibe was so platonic between us for so long!" (social circle) 

As I'm writing this, this article almost feels like a part 2 of your old article "she doesn't have to know your name".

Thanks for challenging my views. 

Author
Chase Amante's picture

Lover-

Happy to have challenged them!

Yes, this is definitely not how men think. It's why women will talk about men as having a one-track mind. The woman's mind has a whole bunch of tracks, cris-crossing each other, going in different directions. She COULD sleep with him... or be friends with him. Or have a nice conversation with him, and never talk to him again. Or enter into a prolonged courtship with him. She isn't sure, she just knows she likes him, and would like to know more about him, and see what she feels as she gets to know him more. But the possibility is there at the outset (and is his to lose).

Women have varying levels of consciousness of how they "work" in this regard, in my experience. I have slept with girls who when I talked about it basically said they thought about it a little when I first approached, then really decided yes at some moment later. I have also slept with girls who told me they never even thought of sleeping with me until I kissed them in the apartment. Obviously, the potential was there all along with both types of girls... but some realized it; others did not.

The "vibe was platonic for so long" thing is a thing that will happen often with the less-conscious girls. They may not even realize they're considering you for sex until something you do flashes a big neon "SEX!" sign in front of their faces. And which point they say to themselves "Oh! Sex! Okay!" and they think it just popped up out of nowhere. It didn't pop out of nowhere, but because they don't have conscious access to that it feels to them like it did.

The mind's a funny thing, eh? :)

Chase

simon iowa's picture

Thanks for this article, Chase. I've always wondered about this exact thing. Is she a 'yes' or 'no' girl from the moment she meets you, and is this set in stone? It seems like the answer is, for all practical purposes, yes. I've often got a sense that I was rejected before I even had a chance to express myself with some women and this explains why. While other dating sites are telling guys to tell stories, bond, amuse, build intrigue etc. to get girls attracted, you're telling it how it is and reminding us that those techniques are for girls who are already 'yes' girls the moment you meet them. And asking girls to move, as you always recommend, is a sure fire way to identify the 'yes' girls.

This explains why guys really should respond to approach invitations, and why guys who don't get them might be justified in not bothering. It's not good news for guys like myself, who have terrible fundamentals, but want to do well, but that's life!

Author
Chase Amante's picture

Simon-

Yes, for sure!

And, there's a certain amount of success you can have even with awful fundamentals/game if you just respond to the signals you get and make moves.

Some attraction is just raw biological attraction, based on things like facial similarity and immune gene compatibility. Women who are facially/immunologically/other biologically compatible with you will be attracted to you even if you look a bit sloppy and are off your game. Of course, you still need to be able to lead them to getting together with you. So you still need to make moves, be confident enough, and know what you're doing.

Beyond that though, yes, you must use fundamentals and game to improve the range of women you can succeed with, and how well you do with them / how easy it is for you.

Chase

SZ's picture

Hey Chase,

1. I don't know what's going on, but it's like girls are being a lot more difficult now than they were before.

Girls are into me, I try to move fast and get dates, etc.

But these chick's are now flaking, not responding, going ghost etc.

They legit just ghost after a couple of messages.

Women have become a lot ruder and more entitled as of late.

Funny thing is, aren't more men becoming incel and going their own way? So wouldn't women be less entitled?

It seems now that they're more bitchy than before. I never had women treat me like this and it has caused me to become bitter. They are literally going ghost and cutting contact with no rhyme or reason.

A girl could be telling you all about her life, excited to see you, initiating contact with you, sending you messages, then she just stops and goes ghost.

And these women aren't attractive either at all.

I will mention that this is off dating apps, but I still deal with this from nightlife and social girls as well.

Wtf is going on and how do I stop this?

2. What is the best method of getting a girl to a hotel after a first date? Don't have my place right now and I've tried getting a hotel before a date after getting some advice from people, but guess what? She flaked and I wasted money :) so I will not do that again, fuck that!!

So what would be the best way to do it? I was thinking of saying I can't bring her to mines for whatever reason, so I would ask if she is cool with me coming over to hers, and if she's not I'll ask how she feels about a hotel. 

I would love to have a hotel already, but I wasted money on a flake and I damn sure ain't doing that again.

How would that scenario work to get a girl to get  a hotel with you the first night?

I feel telling her about how she can't come over, then asking about hers, then if that doesn't work, get a hotel works because it shows its the only option left if she doesn't feel comfortable with u coming over.

But how do you pull it off smoothly? A chick might still not put out. Should we ask for the girl to go half on the hotel? How do we know she'll really come there with us and if she'll come to the room after its paid for?

Plus even if I did have my own place, I can't be bringing a lot of different bitches there and I don't want to go to every girls house either.

I plan on using hotels for all my dates.

3. And another thing, how do you know a girl won't just leave you if she's following you back to a place in her car? Where I live you have to drive and I don't really wanna pick women up like that, so I had a thought, what if I try to get a chick to come back with me, but she drives off while following me?

So what's the best way to have a girl follow you back to your place or hotel? Do we have to pick them up?

Thanks 

Author
Chase Amante's picture

SZ-

There does seem to be some of that, with women and men alike getting bitchier. It is weird to see BOTH sexes doing it at once, I agree. That said, while there is more cynicism than there was in the past, it's not like night and day. Women have been flaking and ghosting on guys with abandon so long as cell phones have been around (and before that, with land lines).

A girl could be telling you all about her life, excited to see you, initiating contact with you, sending you messages, then she just stops and goes ghost.

And these women aren't attractive either at all.

I will mention that this is off dating apps, but I still deal with this from nightlife and social girls as well.

Wtf is going on and how do I stop this?

Get off the dating apps and meet girls in the real world, for one thing.

Women ranked from most crazy/flakey/bitchy/ghosty to least:

  1. Girls you meet online / through dating apps
  2. Girls you meet through nightclubs and raves
  3. Girls you meet at wild house parties
  4. Girls you meet at lounges
  5. Girls you meet at Meet-Up groups
  6. Girls you meet at the local bar
  7. Girls you meet everywhere else

It sounds like you're focused on the two flakiest, nuttiest, most problem-woman-filled dating environments there are. If you don't like dealing with those problems, cut those environments out, or at least mix in more of some less-flakey/crazy ways to meet girls.

I would love to have a hotel already, but I wasted money on a flake and I damn sure ain't doing that again.

How would that scenario work to get a girl to get  a hotel with you the first night?

Get her to agree she's having a great time with you and would love to keep spending time with you, then mention your place is pretty far outside of town but you've got a great place you can go. Then take her to a hotel room, book a room, and get a bottle of wine or champagne up to the room for the two of you to enjoy.

And another thing, how do you know a girl won't just leave you if she's following you back to a place in her car? Where I live you have to drive and I don't really wanna pick women up like that, so I had a thought, what if I try to get a chick to come back with me, but she drives off while following me?

It can happen. The longer the drive, the more likely she is to bolt. The less sold she is before you leave with her, the more likely. Tips:

  • Keep your phone at the ready on speaker and OFF "don't bother me while I'm driving" mode so if she calls to ask you how much farther, you can answer

  • If possible, get her to agree to go in your car and you'll pick up her car later

  • Try to not be too far from wherever you're going out... 15 minutes max ideally. Make sure you give her a REALISTIC idea about the time involved, and actually overshoot it by about 5 minutes. e.g., if it takes 15 minutes to get to your place: "It's a 20-minute drive from here, but the place is really nice"

Chase

Ben's picture

Hey chase this article has got me thinking about something. Since cold approaching will result in more negative reactions and rejections than positive results does that mean that the majority of women don't like you or want anything to do with you? You've said that even if your fundamentals are great,your game is outstanding and you are a very attractive man you will still get rejected a lot more by women than you will get accepted by them as a lover. Why is that? I feel like a decent amount of girls at work find me cute at least,but even if I asked them out or made a move on them I would probably still get declined or get some resistance. Does this go back to what you said about women needing to feel allowed to sleep with you? Is this all resistance that as a man you have to push through? Maybe a girl doesnt act receptive because she doesnt want to be too easy.How do you distinguish resistance from rejection because I always feel like it's one and the same.

Author
Chase Amante's picture

Ben-

Sure, on average, most women you meet through cold approach won't want much from you. They're in their own worlds, trying to do whatever they're trying to do, and you don't have that instant appeal for them when you approach. That gets better as you get better at targeting / sniping, of course. Then you start to approach more and more the women you can sense will want to meet you.

In social circle (or work), as women are exposed more to you, assuming you are a guy with enough attractive qualities, they will tend to like you more and more. The possibilities with you begin to open up. However, if they've known you for a while and you haven't flirted much with them or made moves on them or invitations, you become a fixture in their lives. They get used to you in that role of "guy I know socially, that maybe something could happen with, but actually nothing ever will." When you try to break out of that role, it's incongruous... why are you suddenly acting different? So their resistance goes back up. "Whoa, that's not Ben... Ben's never been serious about asking me out before. What's going ON with him?" I talked about that effect in this article.

There are ways to do the social circle thing well... basically by being the cad who is always making passes at women and flirting with them, so they never settle into seeing you as the "cute but harmless guy." It's a bit of a tightrope though, because you also have to not be annoying, and stay away from the women who will (in today's environment) use your overtures to throw you under the bus and advance their careers. Normally I'd recommend not dating at work, unless you've already handed in your two weeks and there's nothing to lose by taking your shots.

But yeah, as women spend time around you, possibilities that might've been closed before will open up. However, at that point you have to deal with the expectations you've set by NOT pursuing them aggressively early on... so there's another type of obstacle, another resistance. One way to think about it is social circle men are "cheap thrills" for women, because they feel lowered resistance around them, so can flirt with/fantasize about these men more, while at the same time knowing the guy can't actually do anything without being incongruous and causing their resistance to shoot back up. Usually it ends up being a sort of harmless flirtation (though there are plenty of exceptions... I think something like 60% of people end up dating/sleeping with someone from work. So it certainly doesn't always stay harmless).

Chase

Taylor's picture

I've been seeing a girl who is 29 yrs old an has 2 kids but she still has her looks and a banging body. For some reason shes told me shes attracted too me, we've kissed, but every time I've tried to escalate to fuck her she gives me LMR every single time. The only time I actually get alone with her is at her house when her kids are asleep but she has a 8 year old and when hes around she told me she doesnt wanna give off the wrong idea (which I understand because he's at the age where he knows whats going on). I also have been seeing this girl for a few months. I have other girls I see/fuck but I am pondering why the fuck she keeps stopping me even though I follow the LMR tips on this site and the convo goes good..  As your title says "she knows right away if she wants to fuck you".. Well if this girl who when we are out/at her house makeout/hold hands an shit but never fuck.. Should I just give up on this chick or should I approach it another way?

Author
Chase Amante's picture

Taylor-

I don't have a huge amount of experience with single moms (I've bedded a few of them here and here over the years... but not my usual type), but from what experience I do have, plus what I hear from friends and others, it seems like you will run into three sorts:

  1. Horny and lonely. She'll jump your bones the first chance she gets. Doesn't sound like this is your girl.

  2. Conservative, searching for a boyfriend. She'll slow things down if she can, but once she knows she likes you, she'll be yours. Probably won't meet her kids until long after the two of you start to date.

  3. In search of a replacement father for her children. She'll let you meet the kids and try to get you bonded to them before she ever moves things to sex. The most important metric for her is "Will this man be a good father to my children?"

If she's #2, maybe that's okay. I'm not sure how long it normally takes you to bed a girl, and how far outside your usual league this girl is. If you have to pursue her for more than a month without bedding her though, even if you're not very active at meeting new women, I'd hope she's world class (or even, preferably, wife material).

If she's #3, I'd probably cut bait, unless you have an overly strong urge to be a father and don't much care whether it's your kids or another guy's. There legitimately are men like that out there, and if she's a #3, odds are she wants one of them.

Whether she's a #2 or a #3, sounds like you're deep into boyfriend territory. So you should probably only proceed if you're confident you want this girl as your girlfriend.

Otherwise, meet some new girls who won't stretch things out for months.

Chase

John Preston's picture

Hi Chase, first I want to thank you for sharing your knowledge about dating and women. I find it very strange how much confident it gives me just by reading a couple of your posts before I'm going out.

I met this really cute girl two weeks ago and she was pretty drunk so all I wanted was to get her phone number. But she initiate everything because she wanted to have sex. She pretty much left me no choice and she wanted to come home with me.

So is it ok to sleep with a woman when she is pretty drunk or is it wrong to do that?

She stayed with me for nine hours and we were awake for 5 hours. I know now that I made couple of mistakes, I was trying to be a nice guy and I told her couple of times how beautiful and how hot she is and that I liked her. At the end, I asked her for her phone number and if she wants to get a coffee sometimes.

She agreed with both, but when I wrote her a text massage the next day she didn't answer. Why do woman do that, why can't they just say or write it was a nice one-night stand and move on?

I think it’s kinda mean. That's the reason how I found your webpage. I wanted to find out why.

Also sometimes, when a woman is a little drunk, they are really into me. But as soon as they sober up they lose interest and won’t reply my massages. What can I do to avoid this situation?

You said you should always move a girl, but what do I do when I meet a girl at a quiet place?

And last weekend I was talking with two girls simultaneously, that was a lot of fun, but when I kept digging deeper they were actually pretty boring. They had like no hobbies at all. Both girls kept touching me, but then a friend of them mentioned one of the woman had a date tomorrow so I lost all interest in her.

How can you tell if a woman is interesting when you only make deep diving?

And I was thinking why is she hunting after men, when she has an important date the next day?

So I was talking with the other woman and I could tell she was really interested in me but then came an other man to us and started talking with us and she asked me if I was ok

with that. Because I had only a little interest in her I said yes.

How can I get rid of a competitor?  

She went then away a couple of minutes and I was talking to that man. When she came back I said to the man he should make place for her but she didn’t want to sit next me again for some reason. And I just stood up said good bye and left. She was really disappointed because of that. I left because we hadn’t much in common and because she didn’t invested in me. That was probably not very nice of me.

I’m pretty sure I could have gotten her phone number and possibly even more.

I know it’s a lot of text but I hope you can answer me some of the question or maybe some one other. Thank you

Author
Chase Amante's picture

John-

The morality of sex with drunk girls varies by society. In Scandinavia it is common practice for men and women alike to get wildly drunk, have sex, and everyone considers it good fun.

It was this way in North America for a time as well, but there is now a moral panic about drunk sex at play that muddies the waters... for some people (men and women) it's good fun; for others it is wrong or traumatizing; and there are also bad actors: men who target extremely drunk women who are barely conscious for sex, and women who engage in consensual drunk sex but knowingly falsely accuse men after of rape. There aren't a lot of bad actors, but there are enough to make drunk sex less of a good time and more of a risky one. My general recommendation for folks in North America or places with similar moral panics and bad actors in play is "don't shag drunk chicks." Shagging a drunk chick is like doing hard drugs or sticking your hand in a bear cage. Odds are you'll be fine, but there are also some pretty huge downside risks if the dice roll wrong.

More on this here:

Sex and Alcohol

As for girls who will sleep with you once, then ghost you... sure, this happens to everybody. You can be the most attractive, desirable man in the world, and there are women who are still going to use you for sex, then ghost on you after. The reasons are various:

  • She may have enjoyed the sex, been satisfied by it, and want nothing else. Maybe she likes to have sex with many different men and wants to keep moving. Maybe she just needed a sexual release but doesn't want to get tied down in any sort of ongoing thing. Maybe she has a boyfriend, or a husband, or a guy she is going out with she hasn't officially started dating yet, but likes a lot and is pretty sure she will

  • She may feel embarrassed about the sex. Maybe she thinks you look down on her now because it was too fast, or she acted too slutty, or she was too drunk. She doesn't want to be around someone who looks down on her, so she avoids you

  • She may regret the sex. Maybe she has been trying not to hook up with guys, then she had a moment of weakness and hooked up with you. Maybe she had beer goggles on and liked you a lot more when she was drunk than she did the next morning. Maybe she thinks of you as "some random drunk guy", which was fine for her when she was a random drunk girl, but now that she's sober she's grossed out at the thought of doing anything else with you

Usually you are not going to know which reason is hers, because she ghosts on you and won't communicate with you further.

The best way to avoid girls ghosting on you after sex like this is to build more of a connection to them before intimacy, and to follow best practices the night of and the morning after.

Also sometimes, when a woman is a little drunk, they are really into me. But as soon as they sober up they lose interest and won’t reply my massages. What can I do to avoid this situation?

Don't assume that because a girl likes you in one (less inhibited) state, she will like you in another.

Also, don't rely on bars/nightclubs/parties for dates. If you want women to message/date, meet them places where they aren't drunk. Women are many times less likely to meet you later on when they're sober if they first met you while drunk. For many of the same reasons they may ghost on you after drunk sex (i.e., you're "just some drunk club guy" they don't want to meet when sober; they feel embarrassed about how they acted while drunk; the beer goggles come off and you are "totally not their type" now; all they wanted was to flirt, and they got that, and now that it's past they don't want anything else with you; etc.).

How can you tell if a woman is interesting when you only make deep diving?

You might not be asking about the right things. Try to steer the deep dive onto topics the woman will like to talk about, that you personally find interesting. Hobbies usually won't be part of a deep dive, for instance, because her talking about crocheting or maintaining an Instagram profile or rescuing starving raccoons can only really take you so deep. A good deep dive is about her deep drives, motivations, history, and flaws, and everyone has those.

Both girls kept touching me, but then a friend of them mentioned one of the woman had a date tomorrow so I lost all interest in her.

...

And I was thinking why is she hunting after men, when she has an important date the next day?

Maybe she's just horny and wants to get laid?

Maybe she has a date the next day, but isn't certain this guy is The One?

Maybe you could shag her right now, and when she wakes up in your bed the next morning she'll text the other guy she can't make it... or you'll take her contact info, it won't go anywhere with the other guy, and she'll become your girl?

She has a date, not a husband. The two are very different.

So I was talking with the other woman and I could tell she was really interested in me but then came an other man to us and started talking with us and she asked me if I was ok

with that. Because I had only a little interest in her I said yes.

How can I get rid of a competitor?

See these articles:

but she didn’t want to sit next me again for some reason

Try this:

Persist In Your Insistence

e.g.,

You: Have a seat.

Her: [shakes head]

You: [pat seat] Sit dooown!

Her: I'm just going to stand.

You: Oh, don't be a spoil sport. Have a seat, I want to talk to you. Sit.

Her: [sits]

A little insistence, with a playful-but-firm delivery, can go a long way.

Chase

John Preston's picture

Hi Chase, thank you very much for replying. I'm actually from Norway :-). She wasn't wasted, she still talked normally and I met her around 2:30 AM and we talked until 7 AM before we heading to my place. So she had like 4 hours to sober up and she was staying in my bed until 5 PM. I think too that hitting on totally wasted girl is completely wrong. She thanked me that I didn't left her alone and for the intimacy. She probably just wanted to blow off some steam and I wasn't the right guy for more for her. Unfortunately for me, she was pretty much my dream girl.

I always struggled with the Norwegian culture. Because there are the sober Norwegians: distance, reserved, skeptical about strangers and the drunk Norwegians: open, liking to meet new people, more personal. And many bars in Norway are designed for big groups, so they are sitting at a table from 4 til 8 people and just walking to this groups and speaking with one of them is for me at least really hard. And the social rule in Norway is, never talk to stranger in public transport. Because of all that about 400000 people in Norway don't have any friends.

So it's way easier for me to talk to strangers when a had two drinks :-).

To speak to a woman during the day is really difficult for me. I need a lot off confidence to just walk to a girl on the street and talking with her.

Do you have any tips about that?

Where can I meet sober girls during the day? At cafés?

And the last question, how can I move a girl when I met her at quite place in bar, nightclub?

Should her just ask to move to next table, a couple of meters away when I fist talked to her or should I asking her if she wanna dance for couple minutes and heading back to quit place?

Thank you, I'm really glad I found your page.

Regards John

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Chase Amante's picture

John-

That'll happen. When a girl pursues you quite hard for sex, especially if she hardly knows you, usually it's an indication she's ruled you out as a boyfriend and just wants a hookup.

There are some things you can do to raise the odds you convert her to a regular sex partner. But in the "she's firmly in control of the seduction" situation, your odds aren't great. She's calling the shots, she knows what she wants, and she's already made her mind up about you... take it or leave it. Can always ping her every so often, and she might come back to you again when she's in the mood again. Do that a few times and maybe you slip into something more regular with her.

Don't know if you're familiar with our longtime contributor Alek Rolstad, but he's an Oslo native (primarily a night gamer). We have tons of content here from him.

Day game confidence... well, the anxiety around approaching is standard approach anxiety, whether you experience it by day or by night. Every guy (just about) must deal with this. It's harder to overcome in day game, which is why you see so few day gamers. On approach anxiety, we have a bunch of tips and guides by various authors:

Also probably useful:

A few pieces on getting started with day game:

(you can find more on day game if you use the search function... but I'm sure that's enough to get you started!)

For meeting women during daytime, sure, cafés can be okay spots for this. You'll find the most traffic / highest volume on some streets, at certain subway stops, and in some shops and shopping malls. University campuses can be okay if you're not weird about it (i.e., not a guy who'll freak women out and get reported and run out of there!). Some more spots here:

Hope these all help!

Chase

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