What Does She Want? The 8 Things You Must Ask Her | Girls Chase

What Does She Want? The 8 Things You Must Ask Her

what does she wantEarly in my seduction career, I studied everything I could from the guys I considered the "top guys" who'd come before me. But I especially focused on the guys who really good were but who didn't know how to market themselves... essentially, the hidden gems of seduction.

What I realized was that the mainstream school of thought on picking up women was almost as dogmatic as mainstream society itself; while mainstream society believed in:

The pickup community at the time I entered also had its own tenets, chiefly:

  • Follow the 3-second rule of approaching
  • Seductions must unfold over 7+ hours
  • You must be impressive and show higher value
  • You must follow a "method" - certain steps and procedures, routines, etc.
  • Fast seductions were "fools mates" and only happened with "easy" women

Which to me seemed a definite step up and an improvement from what mainstream society preaches, but... it still seemed a bit too limiting and contrived.

Why do you need some complicated procedure to "show your value" to women? Why do you have to go through some whole song and dance just to get girls?

I ended up searching out unconventional teachers and older guys in the community who'd largely vanished from the main forums and hang outs, convinced I could learn the things from them that the rest of the devotees of the social and seductive arts seemed not to know.

And by and large, I did.

And one of the greatest lessons I learned from these studies was how to find out the answer to the question "what does she want?" using a forgotten technique its originator called "eliciting values."

I'm going to teach you that technique today.

Chase AmanteAbout the Author: Chase Amante

Chase woke up one day in 2004 tired of being alone. So, he set to work and read every book he could find, studied every teacher he could meet, and talked to every girl he could talk to to figure out dating. After four years, scads of lays, and many great girlfriends (plus plenty of failures along the way), he launched this website. He will teach you everything he knows about girls in one single program in his Mastery Package.


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Zac's picture

Hi Chase,

you are brilliant. I am sure you receive a whole lot of compliments. Your information is detail, tells and relate.

Your recent email about the game is wonderful. i can't thank you enough. Dating is more than just a game.

Zac :)

Chase Amante's picture

Thanks Zac, I'm glad you liked the article. Also cool to hear about the email - you never really know on those, no instant feedback like you see on an on-site post.

And it's especially tough to get a read on how good (or not) an email is when you throw it together half-conscious and sleep-deprived ;)


Sick Biatch's picture

Dopamine spikes when you're sleep deprived. Thank the Dopamine for another great article.

This is spot on. We are not all alike. We want all of you as you are all useful (except for highly emotional men who drain us).

I find it hard to talk to men and you've given me great conversational questions to ask if there is awkwardness and ways to connect further.
We want to bond/relate to men a lot more than most men realise.

You are right we are very social creatures and want to use your mirroring techniques too.

Prince's picture

Hey Chase,

'Eliciting Values: What Does She Want?' Is the section where I don't quite agree with... it sounds like you are agreeing on everything she says which are the traits of a nice guy with no backbone? Even if you express/relate/talk about yourself after she speaks.

To me it just comes across as a beta male who is greasing her up. And the last two questions regarding asking her "what do you think of me so far?" & "is that good?" sounds so insecure and is basically saying "Do you like me?"....

Q. Could a more dominate and alpha male say something along the lines "Straight up, tell me what are you after?"

But prior to this section I do agree strongly on how you initially treat a woman is how she will act/be around you.

Appreciate the consistent flow of posts from you and your team. Keep it up!


Chase Amante's picture

Hey Prince,

I think I understand the confusion. I probably should've been clearer on the tone / context you use that one in.

The way you'll use this one is actually quite different from, "Tell me what you're after," because what you're doing with that one is A) handing her the power to decide where the interaction goes, and B) communicating to her that you don't know what she wants, which means you're not in control and don't really get her. So you want to avoid that one.

To picture how to use "What do you think of me?" properly, imagine you're talking to a really gorgeous, sexy woman. The conversation's gone on for some time, and it's become quite a close conversation... and she's firmly in control. At this point, you know you're not calling the shots... all you can do is HOPE she likes you as much as you like her.

Then, at a particularly intense and intimate moment in the conversation, when she's got you going on and on about your opinions on something (women, life, etc.), she leans across the table, stares you in the eyes, and says, in the most sultry voice you can imagine, "And what do you think of ME?"

You stutter and stumble a bit, not quite sure what to say. What do you SAY to that? You sit there and mumble something out about what you like about her... and at that point you know she's won. She's TOTALLY in control. She's making you tell her what you like about her, and you know she doesn't even CARE what you like about her. She OWNS you.

That's the kind of impact you're looking to give women with that question. It needs to be used deep in conversation, and it needs to be used when you have her going on and on about what she thinks about things. When she's starting to feel like, "Wow, I am talking WAY too much... I'm totally trying to impress him!" Then you just drop that one like a bomb and cement the fact that yes, she wants you and you're in charge.

Occasionally, even if you time it perfectly, she'll take it in stride, and her reaction gives you a lot to go off of - if she's flirty and sexy about it, you know she knows the game, and she's enjoying it, too. If she's kind of awkward and non-sexual, but not nervous about it, then either the magic is fading or you didn't screen her properly enough for attraction early on and are talking to a girl who isn't all that into you.

However it goes though, a lot of times you can use this one as a coup de grace on the conversation and really hammer home the point that you're running the show - which is the kind of thing that most women dream of experiencing with a man, but many never do.


Anonymous's picture

Chase I love your articles but this is just damn near unreadable on mobile because of the pop-up that blocks the whole screen with no way to click out of it. Please fix.

Chase Amante's picture

Hey Anon,

Thanks for the heads up. We changed that a couple of weeks ago to better work with mobile, actually... sounds like the new one's affecting some readers too. That's annoying. Can you tell me what device and platform you're encountering problems on?


Flames's picture

I wrote this on a recent post in a popular PUA forum 'about all women are x'. That women are what you screen them for, what I hate about these types of posts is the usual thing, that all women are sluts/prudes/whores etc (or indeed any other particular trait). It's utter nonsense
people are individuals no two people have the same wants/needs/desires. It's almost as the other posts such as 'I dont get girls because of x'. A lot of guys don't screen, they see a girl they are attracted to (and by that I mean they're 'hot') then instantly think they should be sleeping with them, without any sort of screening, or as you say illiciting values, then when they get problems it's the 'system' they're using that's at fault, but even then what do they do, they ask 10 other guys what theyd do? And then they try 10 other systems nor of which are appropriate to the girl, and why is that? Because they never bothered to find out what she values most.

Women are what you screen them for, in other words if your looking for an 'easy lay' dont complain when they 'run off' with someone else.

Being judgemental makes things worse I believe in that when you have expectations of a certain way of behaviour in others when they stop doing what YOU think THEY should be doing, in your eyes they're causing drama, yet really again when you failed to do was find out what she was looking for, or you were deceptive in what YOU were looking for.

Mirroring is essential I find that the girls you should be getting, you both drop into mirroring quite easily. If you did that your completely 'out of sync' with someone that almost as a good a sign as anything else that it's not going to work, at least long term, and usually causes short term problems too.

Thanks for another thought provoking post.


Chase Amante's picture

Howdy Flames,

Sounds like you've been running into guys who've had their perceptions colored by bitterness... I wrote a post on that a while back here:

Most Important Thing to Becoming a Lover of Women? Don't Be Bitter.

There are a LOT of bitter people out there (men AND women... you should see some of the comments this site gets that we don't let through [because I don't want them polluting the positive / can-do atmosphere we strive to maintain on here])... what they never seem to realize though is that for all the poison they spew out, the ones they affect most are the ones who can never get away from it: themselves.

Learning how to be judgment-free and to understand and empathize with and reflect back the values of the people you meet is crucial to being able to make the kind of headway you want in life - life is, after all, all about dealing with people.

It sounds like you already have a pretty good grasp on this, Flames - it's a tremendous advantage that a LOT of people lack (simply because they don't take the time to develop it).


Curious George's picture

Chase my man, I wanted an article like this. What I mean is you just giving us specific questions to ask the females. Good stuff but man I'm really having a problem "freezing up", I want to approach girls but my body wont let me. I try to make my mind force itself to go talk to her, like come on nothing bad is going to happen, it's not a big deal, go do it, but my mouth can't open to speak. Its just hard for me to do, really hard.

I feel so weak and lame for not being able to do this. I can't make my dating life better if I can't talk. Chase it's really like I'm trapped in ice and I can't say anything no matter how hard I try to force myself I can't. Could you write an article to help us guys to stop getting "frozen before a cold approach" and having us moving in gear and talking? I appreciate all you've done us. Thank you Chase let's beat sub-zero!

Chase Amante's picture

Hey George,

That's a pretty common one among newer guys, in fact - you're certainly not alone.

I've got an article up on freezing up before the approach, as it turns out - have a look; you should find it addresses your main points here:

Overcoming Approach Anxiety

The primary gist is though, at some point, you've just got stop worrying about what your mind's doing and say to yourself, "Well, you may be scared witless, mind, but looks like my feet are headed over there already, so I guess you're out of luck," and just keep moving your feet until you're right in front of her.

Then say, "Hi." You may even find that you're surprised at what happens next.


Curious George 's picture

OK thanks. But could you give me a list step by step, like how many days to say hi before switching to something else? Ex. Say hi for a week then switch to a compliment, something like that. And I think I read on a few post back that you were going to write an article more on anxiety? Just CURIOUS thanks chase.

Chase Amante's picture

Hey George,

Right - a post on anxiety is on my list! It's a long list, but that'll be up sometime in the next few weeks.

For a step-by-step list... tell you what, when we open the forum back up for new members in a couple of weeks, why don't you join, George? I've got an assignment on there for new guys that breaks down getting you started on the basics down to a bunch of straightforward-enough days, designed to get you out there and get you approaching.

That way, you'll have a concrete list of steps you can take, and you can even post a journal or reports for public accountability, camaraderie, getting feedback, etc. That'll get you out there and doing it.


Anonymous's picture

hey bro it may sound crazy but masturbation abstinence may help,,and may give you some ball in approaching women read yourbrainonporn.com den u will ne enlightened,,,i suffer also dis freezing symptoms when approaching women but i totally change when i try da challenge,,try and see da benefits

Wes's picture

Thanks for all the new articles lately. Very much appreciated.
I have to know, where do you get these photos? Are these some of the women you've picked up off the street? Haha anyways, were you still going to make a post about how to handle improving without cramming too much information in, just wondering.

Again thanks man, I heard about these 8 questions a year ago but never got it in full detail.

Chase Amante's picture

Hi Wes,

Will I lose some of my mystique if I tell you those are stock photos? The photos on the site primarily are licensed from either iStockPhoto or Fotolia.

Having a good stock photo provider makes it a bit easier than hauling a DSLR and a sheaf of model release forms out on the street with me every time I go out, in any event.


Anon's picture

So just recently a girl asked me questions 7 & 8 after some flirting and playful banter. I guess I already know the answer, but what should I do?

Chase Amante's picture

Hi Anon,

Heh. Tough corner to squeeze out of, right?

The preferred way of responding to this (in my opinion) is maintaining steady eye contact with her, crinkling up your nose, and saying, with a mischievous tone, "You're all right. [pause] What do YOU think of ME?"

This way, rather than buckle on the tough question, you tease her back, implying that you like her (since you're flirting), then follow that up with a challenge.

Another way, if you're not quite able to capture the right spirit for that one, is to simply toss it back to her and change it from an emotionally-charged question into a logical one: "Well, that depends. Do you mean your personality, your life plans, the way you drink your coffee... what do you want an opinion on?"

That sucks the wind out of her sails and puts the steering wheel of the conversation back in your hands.


The Tool's picture

Chase, The amount of new and useful information coming out of this site at a steady pace in unbelievable, Always something new to learn and I appreciate every ounce of it, especially useful was your post on Getting girls in school, alot of great info in there, I was going to post/ask some questions on school game, but I have decided to save it for when I am allowed on the forums, I have had quite a bit of success in college so far especially with cold approach and getting girls to approach me, So I am going to save my tips and tricks for the forums so I can quickly obtain that fundamentles ebook ;) hint hint lol

Cant wait for the next exciting posts and emails (The is it worth it? one you sent out earlier was just unbelieveable even got my brother to take a look at this site because of said email. new blood always good

Chase Amante's picture

Howdy Tool,

Yeah, you know, every time I finish one of these long articles I think, "All right, that's it! I've said everything there is to be said... there can't possibly be anything else to write about without rehashing the same old stuff." But you keep finding new things to write on anyway.

Ha, the posts on school game for the forum sound great. Can't 'til it's time to open it up to more people.

Well, cool to hear your brother enjoyed the site earlier, Tool. Sounds like that email came off rather well. Funny the things that hit sometimes, huh..?


Young Fella's picture

Hi Chase, I've been reading most your articles for about a week and I have to say everything here has opened my eyes. I've had a good amount of girlfriends in the past and would always wonder what went wrong when we split. Reading these really helped me understand what "I" was doing wrong instead of her.

I don't know if you have this in your archives but I would love it if you had like a transcript of a successful pickup to show how you transition from subjects to subjects and get more intimate with the girl in a conversation. I know your deep dive method is really effective, I was wondering if you had direct examples of it being used. Thanks :)

Chase Amante's picture

Hey Young Fella,

Glad to hear it. Once you're able to start figuring out what you're doing wrong, all the places you have to improve begin to stick out at you too, and that's when you start getting better fast and having those things that used to go wrong start going right.

I have a conversation example up here, since I got asked for something like this a lot when I first posted the articles on deep diving and being a conversationalist:

Conversation Example

That one will take you through most of the big transitions in conversation, from the opening of the conversation, through getting her hooked into it, some light banter, and getting into deep diving.

I have partial transcripts from a pair of my pickups as appendices to the ebook as well; if you want some actual conversations that include some of the later parts, like the invitations home and the transition from the venue to your place, consider picking up a copy.


Jo's picture

Great article, my question is a bit off-topic but perhaps you can help...

Ive observed things with girls...All girls that eventually became my girlfriend occured after we had rapid intimacy and those that did not become my GF apthings fizzled out when there was no rapid intimacy...

Why is this? I'm guessing its because women's attraction for men has an expiration date...especially if they're high value women that get approached by lots of men...

But see for me this concept of attraction's rapid expiration date is not intuitive to me because depending on the type of girl i talk to my attraction for a woman doesnt expire very rapidly. Once I talk to a girl and she has certain qualities: ambition, intelligence wit, sexiness, flirtatiousness, playfulness, etc and I LIKE being around her, even if 2 months go by without us talking, and I talk to hoardes of other women in the interim, I'd still want to be around her again...but alot of women dont seem to move like this...it's like you have to work to rekindle the attraction that was once there with someof them. so I am trying to understand what goes thru a woman's mind (whether consciously or subconsciously) that leads to some of them going cold when too much time has passed without intimacy...

Chase Amante's picture

Hey Jo,

I assume you mean regarding girls you slept with, both ones that happened quickly and ones that took a long time, right?

Women tend to have mixed feelings about men they sleep with quickly. Often they think, "Oh, he's not a quality guy at ALL!" which is why they slept with the guy right away, instead of making him wait. But, at the same time, they ALSO think, "Wow, he is a WAY more powerful guy than those other guys I've been with who had to chase me for months... this guy got me in one date!"

Which one a woman chooses often depends on what she wants. When she's at a place in her life where she isn't as concerned with "settling down," she'll opt for more powerful and attractive every time. If it took a guy a long time to get with her, he's already starting off on the wrong foot, and he's also probably far more invested in her than she is in him at that point, leading to a value imbalance (she's more dominant in the relationship than she is, leading to declining attraction from her to him). So she'll lose interest and opt to pursue a more exciting man.

Once women enter "settle down mode" though, this reverses, and they begin auto-rejecting the exciting guys. These women actually become more likely to leave guys they slept with quickly, assuming right away that they aren't long term material, and look to land a guy who's invested in them and pursued them for a while. (incidentally, most of the "Screw you for learning / teaching pickup!" female commenters this and other sites get are these girls in auto-rejection toward "exciting" men; the ones who aren't in settle down mode either think it's "cool" or they don't care).

On understanding why attraction expires quickly for men, but not for women: think of women as being in a race against the clock, where they've basically got to find the best choice they can get and hold onto before time's up (they become unable to reproduce / they become so old that they struggle to land quality men anymore). They need to keep moving, and can't hold on to men who won't deliver on one aspect of what they need or another. Men who can't execute on the most basic aspects of mating (e.g., actually mating with them) get discarded quickly and get little consideration, simply because they don't have time.

For a better example, imagine two tribes of women living 40,000 years ago; the women of one tribe spend years pining after every man they get feelings for who don't want them or won't put out; the other tribe of women very quickly moves on and replaces their men. Which tribe of women is more likely to reproduce before menopause sets in, and thus pass on its genes to the women who exist today? Clearly, the one that maximizes its ability to reproduce with the highest quality male it can get and hold onto in the window of time it has to look around.

Men don't have this consideration. In fact, for men, it doesn't make sense to move on... a man could date one girl, break up with her, date others, still get back together with the first one, or even date 3 or 4 women at once - and reproduce with them ALL. The MAN's optimal mating strategy is to try to maximize his number of concurrent mating partners, so long as he has the resources to support his children with all of them, and not move on from ANY of them.

It's a big part of why women do most of the breaking up and most of the divorcing. Men aren't the ones (usually) who get unhappy and strike off in search of a new partner, and men also aren't the ones (usually) who move on quickly to find someone else right away to have in a relationship. Women are, because they can only mate with one male at a time, and time is always their enemy.


Dale's picture

The four examples you give are good, but women may not see men in such a stereotypical fashion. In my case, you would see me as one the first three, but women just want me for sex, so men need to find out how women see them.

Chase Amante's picture

Howdy Dale,

You're right, women don't see men black and white like this. It's very rare that a man makes himself into a purely one-dimensional stereotype; it's actually a pretty hard thing to do, in fact (try becoming pure lover... very tough).

Simply for purposes of clearly stating examples (so that they are not vague, ambiguous, or confusing), I'm using stereotypes for these sorts of things. It's like how there are no perfect spheres in the real world, but when you first start learning geometry, every sphere is a perfect sphere (because you'd throw your hands up at it being impossible to understand if you were asked to measure bumpy, ambiguous spheres when you couldn't tell a radius from a circumference).

The real world's more nuanced though, absolutely. Would be a pretty boring place if it wasn't.


Garrett's picture

Hey Chase!

So I'm a tad confused... I think your work is fantastic and I follow up on most of your posts. The one thing I'm a bit confused about is differences in overlap in regard to a topic. What I mean is, sometimes I'll read something in one post on a topic then in another post that covers more of the specs, I'll read something different. For example, I recall reading an article that Ricardus wrote stating that peacocking and wearing bright colours is effective, and then I read one of your articles saying that it didn't do much/had little effect on getting you noticed...

In relation to this post, I'm a bit confused. The thing is, when something is taught, especially in the form of a blog post, the reader is open to a variety of different interpretations, which sometimes leads to confusion (such as with the peacocking example).

Also, I'm unsure about girls who are conservative and SAY they want to take things slowly... Are you supposed to accept what she says and relate to it, or should you try to employ different techniques to escalate the interaction to fast intimacy? I feel like I'd be lying because that's not what I want, I want her to understand I'm a sexual guy based on the frames I set. It's just that all girls are different. I assume it comes down to experience, but like being face to face with a conservative girl, it seems like it would be extremely difficult to deviate the interaction to one of sexual nature due to the societal implementations imposed on her...

So how do you know what a woman wants based on what she says? Society, as you mentioned, causes most women to hide their desire for sex, so I'm having some trouble distinguishing going by what she says, relating to her, and how she really feels

Hope that makes sense, and thanks for the previous tips!

Chase Amante's picture

Howdy Garrett,

My apologies for anything confusing. Feel free to let me know if something doesn't click. I don't remember ever saying that bright colors didn't get me much attention; could be you're misremembering what I had to say in the peacocking article?

What I said in that one was:

Sexy requires a sense of style. Fashion sense. It requires a man to be able to put an outfit together, and not simply throw the brightest, flashiest elements he can find together and hope to maximize his ability to attract attention.

Which is not to say bright colors don't work; it's simply that there's more to fashion than simply wearing colors that pop. It's been my experience that wearing a bright red color will get you a lot of attention, however, and I've had friends who've had great luck with this and there's even research backing it up now too. But you want it to be tastefully done; say, a bright red shirt with a dark colored jacket.

With regards to this article, what specifically had you confused?

Re: conservative girls and getting intimate quickly, you've got a couple of questions there:

  1. If she says she's conservative / wants to take things slowly: dismiss this quickly with a, "Cool, cool," or a, "Yeah, sure," and move on with the conversation. Actually conservative girls don't say they're conservative or say they want to take things slowly; they're too conservative to think or talk about sex in the first place. They won't even want to broach the topic and hope you won't either, and they'll be very nervous when sex comes up, not firm. So if she's talking about how conservative she is or how slowly she wants to take things, take it as something to be ignored and continue on as usual; it's a front designed to raise her relationship value.

  2. How do you know what a woman wants based on what she says? You don't; you go based off of what she doesn't say. One woman might tell you she wants to hop in bed with you like crazy, but no matter what you try you will never bed her. Another girl might tell you she's dying for you to just come be her boyfriend; and yet, she'll keep dodging your date invitations. Another will tell you she takes things slowly and NEVER has sex on the first date and that you better not push things too hard or you'll loser her; a few hours into your first date, you're lovers. Never listen to words; listen to actions, behavior, voice tones, and subtexts.

Best way for knowing where a girl's at: escalate things with her. Move her. You'll know exactly where she's at based off of her responses. A woman's words are not to be believed; but her reactions to your leadership, even with those women who are exceptionally talented with men, will never mislead you.


Ashutosh's picture

Hey chase! Respect you very much. A little off topic but what if you really love,she loves you too, but for some reason or another she thinks that you dont take her seriously! How do i show her that i love her like crazy. I mean how to make her know you love her?

Chase Amante's picture

Hey Ashutosh,

If the two of you love each other and you've been together a while and she's accusing you of not taking her "seriously," what that means is that her expectations with you are that you'll give her a serious, committed relationship, and she's in the early stages of auto-rejection because she's beginning to think she can't get what she wants from you.

Best approach is just sitting her down the next time she gets upset and telling her you care about her and like being with her, and she needs to stop doubting that you're serious about her, because you are.

Then, figure out whatever it is you're doing (e.g., not seeing her often enough, canceling on her when she's supposed to come over, etc.) that's making her feel like you don't take her seriously and correct it. If you can't figure it out, you need to sit her down and tell her, "Look, I want things to be good with us, but you're going to need to communicate with me. I want you to feel like I take you seriously, but I don't know what I'm doing that's making you feel like I'm not. So you need to tell me."

Do that, and you'll straighten your relationship out and she'll be content. But you'll need to mind your actions and look out for things you're doing that cause this feeling of distance in the future.


G's picture


Impeccably written piece. The advice offered here is quite
An interaction changer. A site favorite for myself.

It's understood in sales that more powerful questions
quickly uncover needs, wants, and desires of said topics
firmly cementing us in charge of where the interaction
will go.

A set of well placed questions that align with our own values screen out time wasters and open women who are able to relate allowing an opportunity to move forward.

An observation Ive made while practicing is the better your qualifying questions, the more women open and hook. And faster as well.

Certainly a gem here Chase till next time,


Chase Amante's picture

Thanks G, glad you found it such a good read.

Asking the right questions is for sure an immensely important part of all things social. Each new question's like another side street, branching off of the main road; some of them are dead ends, and some of them lead you to places you didn't even know existed.

The observation on better and faster opening and hooking is a good one. Questions are a differentiator; most men ask the same ones, and they're boring. As soon as you're asking different ones, that are intriguing, and fascinating, and cut her to the quick, she surprised and interested right away (and your job's a whole lot easier).

Appreciate the thoughtful comment.


Anonymous's picture

Hi Chase,
could you post something like your 20 favorite questions that you use when deep diving, so we could get a glimpse of the mood/frame/etc. that is behind it? I often feel my "deep diving" is sometimes too direct, getting to personal. But then maybe this is a US/European girls problem. Best,

Chase Amante's picture

Hi Anon,

I honestly don't have much of a "script" I run off of (and I'd advise you against building one too); the post above is really about as "scripted" as I get. That's plenty to run a long conversation off of, in fact; because you're not just asking a question and moving on, you're diving deep into the nuts and bolts of it, which is what really makes it interesting. Simple "expansion" questions like, "And how do you like that?" "How long've you been doing that?" "Will you do that forever?" "Why do you do X and not Y?" can be used to have her expand on topics and take you into her thinking and psychology on a subject, to get you off the normal boring conversation most men get stuck on.

As far as any cultural differences, I did develop deep diving in the West, yes, but I've since used it very well with quite a few women from Asia and South America too. So I can tell you from my own experience, as well as from the feedback of, well, thousands of guys I've trained personally or who've used the programs here (and even some who've just read the blog) that getting "too personal" isn't an issue in: North America, Europe, Asia, or South America. I don't know as much about Australia, Africa, or the Middle East, although because African culture is so open in general I'd intuit it isn't a problem there, and Australians get a kick out of just about everything, so I doubt Australian women would have much against having a real conversation. The Middle East... I'm guessing women are as starved for connection there as anywhere else, too. Antartica, from what I hear it's basically just a big sex partner rush at the research stations before the last ships leave for the winter and everybody gets locked down, but I'd imagine deep diving would even help you lock up a partner before the big freeze there, too ;)

Ultimately, the reason why getting to know a woman PERSONALLY works is because most women are sick and tired of the boring, impersonal surface level conversation they get from everyone else they meet that only ever stays at a shallow level. If you're deep diving properly, women will be thrilled to have you digging into who they are. Don't worry about getting "too personal!"


Handsome's picture

I think this an excellent topic for you to discuss, could you elaborate more?

Chase Amante's picture

Hey Handsome,

I think what you're referring to is reading between the lines and inferring things about women based on their verbal responses and nonverbal reactions, right?

Assuming I'm right, yeah, that is an interesting topic. There are scattered things about that on the site here, but I'll try and get a post up that gives a more concentrated look at reading women this way.


Jo's picture

Reading btwn the lines and cutting thru the BS is paramount when socializing. Why? Because alot of people (in the part of the US that I live anyway) aren't very direct when out and about and socializing in public. They don't say what's REALLY on their minds. Reputation management is something I see alot here... unlike when i was growing up in the Caribbean and folks were more blunt, more direct, more to the point, more confrontational, and more don't give **** what anyone thinks about them.

But once you can cut thru the BS and read btwn the lines, you stop listening so much so to words people say and more to actions, and implications of what's REALLY going on. It's kinda like how on Law and Order the detectives would know that the suspects were lying or not telling the whole truth or maybe meant something else but couldn't find the words to say it...

It takes practice to do so but when you get good you kinda know what you expect to hear from a person before they even utter the words and when they say something contrary to what you expect red flags go up so you can call their bluff.

Or you can kinda tell that someone is acting more confident than they really are...like say you ask a girl how does she like the guy she's newly dating, and she says enthusiastically "he's cool." If you just listen to the words then you might believe that she likes him. But with enough experience and context, your subconscious mind will say, why isn't she smiling at the thought of this guy, why isn't she more happy to say how she feels about this guy, and ramble on about how amazing he is? What is she hiding? Obviously something more is on her mind...this is reading btwn the lines because you know what emotions you expect to hear and see when someone is truly happy about something, and when the behavior you see is contrary to the expected result you ask follow up questions to get the REAL answer.

Would be interesting to see an article on this...

Chase Amante's picture

Interesting points, and a neat comparison to the detectives spotting lies, Jo. You're right, it's about ignoring the words and focusing on the nonverbals - how long does it take for the response to come, voice tone, eye movements, facial expressions, nervous tics, etc.

Being a seducer and being a detective are not so dissimilar in those respects.


Jo's picture

I've heard many women say they get 'butterflies' around certain men, and that they feel 'nervous' around these guys. Somehow the thought of these guys makes these women's hearts 'flutter' and this seems to be something that (at least some) women want. I don't know if you've ever touched on this or not, but it'd be great to see an article that goes in to the social dynamics and psychology of the 'butterflies' phenomenon.

I haven't thought about this topic very deeply but off the top of my head and without any research I think the occurrence of 'butterflies' is a manifestation of one's anticipation of more good things to come. You don't know exactly what it will be but all you know (subconsciously) is...you want more! It occurs when you really like someone, and because they're unpredictable, you don't know exactly what's coming next. But you do know that usually whatever this person says or does is something that you find delightful and because of that you anticipate more good feelings...

So in the moments between good feelings you subconsciously anticipate experiencing more of them but you don't know exactly how they will manifest themselves, due to the unpredictability of the individual providing the good feelings. This seems to be something that drives some women crazy and they love it when it happens... It's all subconscious of course so they may not be able to tell you exactly WHY they like it so much.

So my question to you is, have you ever encountered this phenomenon of women getting butterflies around you? If so, how do you provide this feeling at will (i.e. what sorts of things a man can do to get women feeling butterflies and anticipation... and how can a man sense that what he's doing in this regard actually working?) It's one thing to try and pick up a girl, it's another thing to make them want to come back for more and more...and be out-of-control when around you...

Look forward to hearing from you...


Chase Amante's picture

Hey Jo,

Spot on, women do love the "butterflies" feeling. My description is the same as yours, Jo - a mixture of positive anticipation mixed with uncertainty. She THINKS you can give her amazing things... but will you? When will you? She doesn't know, and she's on the edge of her seat waiting for it.

It does make for a great topic - I'll try to do a write-up on that one soon.


Dunking Style's picture

Hi Chase,

I've read a lot of articles here, and it all seems to make so much sense.
I wanted to first thank you for helping me and so many other men out there!

Just a quick question to you: What happens after you've done everything right, and she's ready to sleep with you, but you have nowhere to... become lovers?!

It's not very convenient to do it at my place, nor hers, so how else would you save this from becoming disastrous? (not giving the woman what she wants!)

Chase Amante's picture

Hey Dunking,

Glad to hear you're getting value out of the site!

For handling logistics sans bed, have a look at this article right here:

Book Excerpts: Get Girls in Bed (Without a Bed)


Bibi's picture

Hi Chase, thanks for every article here. I think what you teach is more than pick-up. It is social art. Your blog greatly improves my social life, and I learn to monitor my social behavior in a more rational manner.

I have one question for this article. In the last part you suggest to avoid talking about the girls' past relationship. I believe your concern is very reasonable because I've been there for a few times. But I also think that you can use this kind of questions to bond with a girl very quickly, because it seems to be quite personal and secret. They almost only tell it to their girlfriends (I am an Asian. I don't know whether it is the case in western world). And when they do tell you about their past relationships, they feel that they have nothing to hide from you and become more open and direct, which is a good thing I think.

So I am thinking can we ask this kind of questions in an indirect manner ? I mean, when we are asking these questions, can we use eye-contact and proper voice tone to show that we are not interested in making the girls our girlfriends but just ask them out of curiosity ?

Jack's picture

Dear chase,
i loce reading your articles but Sometimes they can be a little confusing if you are just starting out. I think it would help people out a lot if the articles were organized into like beginner intermediate and advanced catagories. Other than that this site has really helped me out. Thank you!

Danny's picture

Dear Chase,

I have to admit, you are the Albert Einstein in Social Art! The Pickup community (Mystery & Style) are Newton. They created one revolution, decoding all the hidden facts that mainstream society taught us. And you Chase Amante, created another revolution and decode another layer of hidden truths.

The reason why this article is so powerful is that it informs us a simple idea which most of the population didn't recognize: Women are just people and they will act differently in different audiences. That's it, period. End of discussion.

However, we usually get confuse and deceived by the mainstream society nowadays, very unfortunately....

mizraw66's picture

Why did i not start reading your articles years ago. This stuff works like magic


Bryan P.'s picture

agree. love your stuff
keep it up

Mac's picture

My man, how did you come to these realizations? I think you are very spot on. It's pretty cool to see a man write such a seemingly accurate breakdown of the female psyche with regards to relationships with men. Did you compile data from interviews or just personal observation?

israel's picture

what can i do if a girl says she still wants to be sure if shes not making a mistake and she wants to know if shes if i am the right person for her? even tho we are attracted?

Tomi's picture

This is a good article about questions to ask a girl. I'm actually making my own list of more, gathering topics from other articles; this is a good start. I came back to this to finish off the list, and I remembered something that you may think is kind of amusing Chase.

When I was first reading this, I was sitting on a waiting bench in a hallway on campus, after my classes. A girl came and sat down next to me, so I quickly got down to the main points and started firing off 18th century style.

Got her in my car, but I was extremely hesitant of her looks, and let her get away. Can't say I'm too mad at myself either haha

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