In the first part of this series, you learned why you should consider making day game a normal part of your routine and how to get started meeting women during the day by learning the fundamentals. To quickly recap what those are, your fundamentals are:
It’s extremely important that you master these, because everything you will learn throughout the rest of this series depends on you having a firm grasp of them. It may take a bit of time, but you will master them faster than you may think, and it’s certainly well worth the time and effort it takes.
Now we shall move on to the next part: walking up to a woman and getting to know her. This is often called “opening” women.
The Old Way to Open
Most people who seek out dating advice were taught a very specific way to open.
See girl -> walk/run over to girl -> deliver opener
Some people even advocate running a few steps in front of the women, turning, and then jumping out in front of her. This is silly!
While both of those ways can work, neither of them are the most effective ways to go about meeting a women during the day.
It Was Fate!
Think about how in damn near every cheesy romantic comedy there are a man and a woman who are strangers who happen to meet each other outside of their social circle and outside of a bar or club. How did they end up meeting? Well, it just kinda happened.
Women fantasize about randomly meeting their prince charming, but in their fantasies, it just… happens.
In the movies and in her fantasies it doesn’t happen because the guy made it happen by seeing her and approaching her, no, it is fate that brought them together!
To be successful you want the vibe she’s feeling to be “It’s fate that brought us together” and not “Oh, he saw me and came and approached me.”
The first one is “the universe’s decision” or whatever, the second one was your decision. Do you see why the first one is more powerful?
In many ways, it’s hard to teach how to do this because it depends so much on the situation and particular environment. One of the most common (and cheesy) ones you often see in romantic comedies is when two people are in a supermarket and they both exit different aisles at the same time and their carts smash into each other.
The man says “Oh, excuse me!” and the woman blushes and utters meekly “Oh, it’s okay!” and then love happens. 90 minutes later you get the wedding and then two years later a terrible sequel comes out that somehow still manages to do okay at the box office.
In that scenario, it just happened. In the woman’s mind that chance encounter was simply fate.
If you want your day approaches to be more successful you need to engineer this feeling of “it was just fate”. Now, don’t get me wrong, I’m not telling you to go around and smash your shopping cart into other peoples’... that would be kinda silly.
I’ll give you an example from my life to better illustrate this. A few days ago I was in a store looking at birthday cards when an attractive woman also happened to start looking at cards. Nothing was really said for around 30 seconds or so, but then I broke the silence.
“Hey, what do you think of this card? It’s for my teen niece. Too cheesy?”
All I did was turn to her, show her the card, and ask her the question. I’m not big on asking for opinions as the first thing I say, but sometimes it’s the simplest thing to do and it still is a legit way to start a conversation.
From there I just changed the subject, we talked for a few minutes, exchanged numbers, and then parted ways. She’s coming over Sunday for a “movie night”.
Another quick example: I was walking through the park and crossing the small bridge that goes over a pond when I see a cute woman looking over the side of the bridge obviously admiring the scenery. I go over and stop to look over the side of the bridge too. I leave five or so feet between us, and after about 10 seconds I look over at her and, noticing the camera in her hand, I say something to this effect:
“I’m guessing you’re a photographer.”
She said yes and held up her camera to show me. She seemed very warm and friendly so I took that as a cue to continue. I walked over and got closer to her and started talking. Built a connection, did some light flirting, etc. Everything I’m going to teach you basically. At the end I got her number and it took a while before I actually met up with her but we finally did get together, and now she’s my fuck buddy.
These types of approaches make it seem like it was simply fate, and that plays into a woman’s fantasies. Give it a try. After some practice you will start doing this without a second though and you will probably find that your results are much better.
Fight or Flight?
Women are typically not used to random guys having the confidence to come up and talk to them. And because it’s a new experience for many women, your approach may accidentally set off her fight or flight instinct. To draw from Wikipedia: the fight or flight instinct is…
“The instinctive physiological response to a threatening situation, which readies one either to resist forcibly or to run away.”
The goal is to make sure you don’t activate her fight or flight instincts. Some ways to avoid activating it are:
- Try not to startle or scare her
- Don’t dress scary or too outlandishly
- Make sure you’ve got your fundamentals (masculine presence) down pat
- Come off as comfortable and care free instead of rushed and nervous as possible
The goal is to make sure she doesn’t have any negative kneejerk reactions to your approach. They say first impressions are hard to shake and this is even more true in day time cold approach. You want to make sure the first impression she gets of you isn’t a negative one, because if it is she will rarely give you the time of day to change it.
She will either ignore you and walk off, reject you and walk off, or be standoffish. If you made a bad first impression it’s almost always a waste of time to try and stop her from walking away or to try and change her standoffish behavior. The world is full of beautiful women and the 10 minutes you spend trying to change her mind could have been used to meet a couple of other ladies who do like you.
The more you approach the easier it will become, and, like with the fundamentals, you will soon have this down. It may sound scary and hard at first, but I promise you that you’ll be able to get it handled much faster than you’d at first think.
Direct or Indirect?
If you have been around the dating advice community for a while you have probably heard the debate regarding opening women directly or indirectly. If not, I’ll sum it up quickly:
Direct is where you walk up to a woman and flat out tell her that you find her attractive.
Example: Hey, I saw you from over there and just had to come say hi. You’re cute.
Indirect is where you walk up to a woman but try to come in under the radar and hide your sexual and romantic intentions.
Example: Hey, can you point me in the direction to the mall? Oh hey, I’m Jeff by the way.
Which is the best way to actually open? Usually neither. Trying to figure out whether you should be direct or indirect takes the focus off what matters and that is the vibe you are projecting.
It’s more important to engineer that sense of fate with your words and actions, and that will dictate what opening words you actually use. With that said, however, the vibe that you give off once you do start talking to her should always be “I’m sexually interested in you.” I’ll cover that more in the later section on sexual tension and escalation.
Approach Invitations
While out and about during the day, make sure you keep a keen eye out for approach invitations. An approach invitation is any non-verbal signal or cue that a woman gives off to you that she’s interested in meeting you. Some of these include:
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Eye Contact. This is one of the best approach invitations to keep a look out for. Every time you see a woman, try to make eye contact with her. If she looks, make sure she’s the one to look away first. If she holds the eye contact for a long time or she quickly looks back at you after she breaks it, there is a very good chance that she is interested in meeting you. Walk over and meet her even if you can’t engineer a fate type approach.
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Proximity. If you notice that a woman seems to be standing close to you, it could be that she wants you to notice and come talk to her.
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Over-exertions. An over-exertion is anything a woman does to get your attention. She could cough to get you to look her way, start fixing her clothes, start talking to her friend more loudly, make her movements and actions more pronounced, etc.
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She’s Dressed Seductively. While this isn’t a pure approach invitation, many times when a woman is out and about during the day dressed in a very sexy manner she is sometimes hoping guys will come talk to her. It also sometimes just means she’s looking for attention and validation and nothing more. If she’s attractive and you have a few minutes to spare, it’s worth approaching her and finding out.
Approaching women who give you approach invitations will almost always yield better overall results than just approaching completely random women. The more you have your fundamentals down the more often you will get approach invitations. If at first you don’t see any then keep working on your fundamentals and keep trying to spot them. Women are very subtle and they can be hard to catch, but with practice you will find yourself noticing them all the time.
Conclusion
In this second part of the day game series you have learned why the old way of approaching is inefficient, a new and better way to open women (make it seem like it was fate), how to not scare a woman off and make a bad first impression, how to spot approach invitations, and we also invalidated the age old direct vs. indirect debate.
The next part is where things will really start to get interesting. You will learn how to screen for sexually available women, figure out which women are time wasters, and also how to form a sexual and romantic connection with women. If you ever have problems figuring out what to say, then make sure you check back for part three!
Thanks for reading,
Jeff Stanton.
P.S. If you have any questions feel free to leave a comment below and I’ll do my best to answer them as quickly as possible!
READ NEXT: “Day Game 101: What Comes After the Approach”
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