Tactics Tuesdays: Running Into Girls Who Ghosted You | Girls Chase

Tactics Tuesdays: Running Into Girls Who Ghosted You

Chase Amante

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girl ghosted you
How should you act when you meet a girl who ghosted you? Avoid her? Hold her feet to the fire? No... you must be COOLER than this.

Sometimes, a girl will ghost you.

Happens to everyone. Nothing to be ashamed about.

She was excited when you met her. Maybe she agreed to a date. Then when you got her texting, she flaked on you, or quit responding.

What do you do when you run into her again?

Do you bring it up?

Guilt trip her over it?

Use a little self-deprecation about it?

Pretend it didn't happen and things are fine with you both?

If you get the response wrong, you'll only confirm any skepticism of you she earlier had.

Yet get the response right, and you can make her want something to happen with you much more than she ever did before.

Chase AmanteAbout the Author: Chase Amante

Chase woke up one day in 2004 tired of being alone. So, he set to work and read every book he could find, studied every teacher he could meet, and talked to every girl he could talk to to figure out dating. After four years, scads of lays, and many great girlfriends (plus plenty of failures along the way), he launched this website. He will teach you everything he knows about girls in one single program in his One Date System.

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Comments

Bizzy's picture

Hey Chase, I was just thinking about this topic since I had a discussion with a woman who said women NEVER play games with men and they are only ghosting men because they are 100% not interested. I don't know how true this is and I also don't think it's a good idea to re-attract a women who ghosted you. By doing this, you imply she did everything right and you are still like the dog chasing her. In your case it looks like the girls who ghosted you first just got jealous when you flirted with other girls infront of them, maybe I am wrong though.

I have been ghosted once and I am still mad about this for one reason. It's not the ghosting itself, it's because that girl's family is close to my family and when my mom died of cancer, that girl never made an effort to even shoot me a message. I had known her for a couple of months then and she acted hot and cold, jealous and flirty and what not. Then she acted weird once, totally ignoring me with her head down and not willing to talk, when I wanted to hug her for new year's day, so I mirrored her behaviour and didn't shoot her a text or see her for weeks until she messaged me on my birthday.  Later she sent my a short flirty text on Valentine's Day. I then texted her on her b-day too and we chatted a little and then we got in a little playful fight because I felt like she was playing her games again, so I asked her to meet me over text and she said we could meet up soon, but not that day. I kind of playfully forced her to make a decision and asked her whether she really was planing to see me and she left me on read. I never texted her again. However, the problem was that mom got sick and she later learned about it. My mom had known her too, she even invited her for dinner at a group meet up once etc. (I wasn't there that day though). So after a year of no contact ( she was still on my whatsapp and social media) my mom suddenly died. That girl never even said anything like I am sorry for your loss. So how I am supposed to act towards her if ever run into her again? She has a boyfriend now, so I am not interested in getting with her, I just feel unrespected for her behaviour regarding the death of my mom. I don't want to be nice towards her yet not look pissed off either, even though I am. If it was another girl, I wouldn't care because most women I meet never get to know my family but she did.

Author
Chase Amante's picture

Bizzy-

If you ask women if they do things, unless you do it in an obviously knowledgeable/flirtatious way, women will always deny them. A stealth strategy / mindfuck strategy loses power if it's admitted to. Women use a great deal of 'soft power' the relies on subtext, double meanings, and confusion game. This is one reason you should not ask for dating advice from women (or ask women to explain themselves to you, for that matter). You can read about the concept of the 'secret society' to understand this a little better. You may also want to read my article on cold approach (which specifically deals with women discouraging men from doing things that work well with women).

I also don't think it's a good idea to re-attract a women who ghosted you. By doing this, you imply she did everything right and you are still like the dog chasing her.

You're coming it at it from a place of wanting to punish the bad behavior of a woman who is not intimate with you.

I personally view every woman who is not sleeping with me yet to be a woman behaving badly. Only once she realizes she needs to go to bed with me is she at last behaving the right way ;)

Anyway, I can understand the desire to punish / not reward women who are doing things that annoy you... I suppose.

However it is not a productive mindset when it comes to bedding women.

It is also not a productive mindset for actually finding worthwhile girlfriends. A girl who is ghosting you before she's intimate with you is not telling you anything at all about the way she will treat you once intimate. Some women are doting, loving partners to men once they are intimate with them, but flighty and ghost-y with men they aren't shagging yet.

I for one am happy to let those men get mad at such women... while I allow them to dote on me. That arrangement suits me fine.

It is up to each man to decide which he'd prefer to be: the guy who is angry at them, or the guy who is having sex with them and getting doted on by them.

In your case it looks like the girls who ghosted you first just got jealous when you flirted with other girls infront of them, maybe I am wrong though.

Preselection is the #1 tool for re-attracting women whose attraction has tanked. Jealousy plotlines work, and women respond to other women taking interest in you or being about to hook up with you. So yes, where you muster it, jealousy/preselection is an incredible tool for resurrecting fallen attraction.

So after a year of no contact ( she was still on my whatsapp and social media) my mom suddenly died. That girl never even said anything like I am sorry for your loss.

Sorry about your Mom, Bizzy. I don't know how old you are, but you don't sound old. It's terrible to lose a parent while young.

Re: the girl's situation, she also sounds young, and the situation sounds very confusing to you both. She was playing games with you, but you were also playing games with her. I think a lot of guys don't realize games are a two-way street. It is very hard for a girl to play games with you if you lead her strongly and don't engage in games. I have shagged a lot of girls who are game players with other men but don't play them with me because I don't engage with the games. When you engage with them, you amplify the confusion, because you are confused by her games, and she is confused by yours.

I don't know the full situation with you and this girl, but if she was genuinely confused about what the situation was with the two of you, it may make it feel inappropriate for her to reach out to you.

It's also possible she lost attraction for you (attraction has an expiration date), decided you were no longer in each other's lives, and did not want to ressurect things after a year of them being dead, even if to offer you condolences.

Honestly, if I imagine there's some girl I played games with who played games back with me, and I lost interest in her, and didn't hear from her for a year, and somehow saw one of her parents died... I would not drop her a line. Because while it is sad her parent died, she has a ton of people who are close to her who are giving her condolences, and I do not want her to feel like I am opening up the door to her again.

There is also the possibility she simply does not know.

I mean, I don't know how much overlap your circle has with her.

But if it was just on social media or something, she has to be stalking your social media to know that, and if she has a lot of followers, and hasn't talked to you in a year... she's probably not...

I don't know man. It feels like you're attaching a lot of meaning to what this girl you've never had sex with and haven't talked to in a year does WRT offering condolences or not.

She is someone who is not in your life at all, in any capacity. She may not know, she may know and think it's a faux pas to say anything, she may know and not want to reach out because she doesn't want to open that door again. There is no way to know.

Sitting there fixating on what this one random chick is doing does not seem like it'd be worth your time though.

Why not meet some other gals?

Chase

Xander's picture

Dear Chase,

 

What about girls that ghost you at the beginning of interaction? I want to ask you about the best ways to interact with reserved girls that are not used to interact with strangers (unknown man) much. Reason is that I do cold approach on place where most men do not approach in daygame. Men do not approach much so girls are not used to be approached during day (and mostly even at night) and are reserved that creates one magic circle of male and female non-interactions. From my experience there were 2 types of reserved girls I interacted with:

First types are girls that are just reserved and distrustful to unknown man. Most of these girls do not send signals that want to be approached so it is hard to distinguish interested from disinterested for conversation. Of course they can have some subconscious reactions to attraction like wide pupils or touching hair. Good thing is they do not act mean or bitchy (mostly). Thing is that even if I get approach invitation or look at them and see some of those  signs of attraction she will not talk to me very much. My approach is to use smile at first than some opener (direct or indirect) than to try to transit to small talk and finally to transit to personal conversation. But due to lack of their will to talk and my skill I rarely pass opener or small talk. My attempts to personalize conversation and form connection end with their short answers and the lack of interest for conversation. Also these reserved girls are still a little bit reserved when meet through social circle and do not give easy personal data and real connection is hard to happen. I tried to warm them by light bantering but results are mixed.

Second types are girls that are reserved because they think they are queens or goddesses due to their overestimated look (natural or made up). They act like they are center of universe and that their glance can resurrect dead. They also behave in conversation like above mentioned girls but sometimes more bitchy.

Chase, can you tell me what is the best way to chat up with reserved girls? What really annoys me is that later the same those women blame men for their poor love lives. Is there difference in approach strategies between these different types of reserved girls? I respect women and do not want to be pushy and force them to talk if they do not want to. Thing is that reading articles and also from my experience sometimes girls that do not give much at the beginning are more interested than flirty girls or much talkative. If I remember correctly about three year ago you mentioned in one of your posts that you will include battles between open and closed frames in topic list.

Sorry for bad English.

Kind regards,

Author
Chase Amante's picture

Xander-

That's a good question! Maybe I'll do an article on the topic.

I talk about getting through the opener with bitchy/closed off girls in this article. Give that one a read if you haven't yet.

However, in general, it is helpful to keep in mind that you may need to lead the conversation almost alone, and should be able to have/drive a conversation wholly by yourself, for at least the first 4-5 minutes. Sometimes that is required to warm a girl up who is not in a social head space, or to break through some wall she has up.

Girls who are acting bitchy can be genuinely acting bitchy... or they may just not be primed for socializing, same as the other reserved girls (and you only think they're bitchy because of how they're dressed, their makeup, etc.). In fact more often than not in my case it is simply the latter -- girls who look bitchy usually just LOOK bitchy, rather than is it the case they actually are bitchy.

I respect women and do not want to be pushy and force them to talk if they do not want to.

You should be doing compliance testing from the get-go. Just ask her for small stuff, get her investing, and see if she complies. You can also keep an eye on her reactions and see if you get uncomfortable smiles vs. comfortable ones, etc. But her response to compliance is the most important metric. If she acts like she's uncomfortable, but she does everything you ask, and follows around, and starts to open up, she's a far better prospect than a girl who acts like she's comfortable, but won't give you anything (remember, many people -- including women -- are just socially awkward. Just because she's awkward doesn't mean she wants to spend her whole life alone, not being approached by men or having dates!).

If I remember correctly about three year ago you mentioned in one of your posts that you will include battles between open and closed frames in topic list.

Hmm... I searched my topics list for "open" and "closed" and did not see anything about this.

I think you mean when the guy is being open and the girl is being closed, is that right?

If so, that is an interesting topic, and should be in there. Maybe I forgot to add it in before... but I will add it in now!

I should do one of these as an article fairly soon.

Chase

breeze's picture

Why even care if somone ghosted you? If your fundamentals are tight, their loss.  Personally if a chick ghosts me, I'll probably autoreject.  I wouldn't per se treat her like she's garbage, but I wouldn't be interested anymore either.  unless she was smoking hot.  There are plenty of fish in the sea so I wouldn't even take it personal.  Move on.

 

Here's a bigger question; of those girls whove ghosted you and you ended up with them later...how did those relationships/situationships work out (on a scale from 1-10), compared to women who were enamored with you from the time they laid eyes on you? My intuition would suggest that if a girl ghosts, the relationship would be of a subpar quality compared to one who gave chase soon after you met.  The ghoster will be more inclined to walk away (and thus trying to put you in the one down position) vs the more enamored woman.  I rather spend my energy expenditure on someone enamored by me, vs a ghoster.  Just my own 2 cents.

Author
Chase Amante's picture

Breeze-

I had a girlfriend who ghosted me at the beginning. Just totally ghosted, quit replying to me, would be super evasive, etc. This was before we were intimate. She continually tried to elude me.

Once my penis was in her, it was like a switch flipped, and she became the most wildly devoted girlfriend. On my arm incessantly, super affectionate, PDA, public makeouts, rubbing my cock in public (led to a few awkward situations), but also just a fun girl to be around. She would be begging to spend as much time with me as possible and continually looking for ways to wrap us up more together, which I did not mind because she was super hot, super fun, and a joy to be around... but I was also a young pickup practitioner and couldn't give her as much time as she wanted and still improve with women. I honestly felt pretty bad not being able to give her as much time as she wanted. Nevertheless, relationship went great for two years until I started drinking too much and hitting on girls in front of her and just generally doing a lot of things to her she did not deserve (because she was awesome).

Her personality (of generally ghosting people, judging them, thinking other people were not on her level) meant that when she accepted me as her man, and as a man she fully submitted to, I was basically the only person in her life she submitted to that way. From what I gathered from her, her prior relationships with other boyfriends were similar -- this was just how she did relationships. Cold with people she was not committed to. Totally wrapped up in people she was.

IME, the majority of men respond to this behavior from women by getting butthurt. It means that these girls, who can make super good girlfriends, tend to drive off most guys, who take it personal when she does this to them.

If you don't, you can enjoy what these girls have to offer.

If you do... well, someone else will. Like me ;D

Chase

Benjamin's picture

Hey chase so a lot of times when dealing with women I act like nothing bothers me and I don't overreact and if women don't really pay me much attention,ignore me or I fuck up with her then I tell myself I don't give a shit or try to find some fault in her physical features or character to appease my ego. A lot of times me trying to act unbothered or unflappable not only regarding women,but also dealing with family or friends or people in general ends up getting me characterized as indifferent, non chalant or blaze and I know this is not a good thing. At least to me it sounds like a unattractive character trait. Question is how do I change that? How do I calibrate from being the weird indifferent guy who comes off like he doesn't seem to care about anything or react to anything to the respectable guy who is in control of his emotions in an attractive manner ,can get what he wants,but doesn't feel defeated or like a loser when things don't go his way? Finally as a beginner is it better and more efficient to just move on from hard cases like girls who flakes,ghosts, haven't spoken to in a while,short texts or is lukewarm period just so you don't base your self esteem off trying to get with these girls who hardly want you and wait till you get more advanced to get with more difficult low interest girls? It just feels unproductive and demoralizing to try and chase after girls who seem like they don't give a shit about you.

Author
Chase Amante's picture

Benjamin-

Good question.

I'm familiar with that emotion control strategy. I've used it quite a bit myself, for situations where my emotions are running wild and I want to get them tamped down.

Here's the easiest way to strike the right balance, I've found:

  1. You start off overvaluing something, so you distract yourself, or point out its flaws to yourself ("Honestly, she is not that hot, and I am mostly only into her because I've been chasing her a while, and because she made  a strong first sexy impression with me, and that is basically all just illusion / presentation")

  2. You realize you've become too cool to it, so to get back to a middle ground, you next recognize some of its advantages, but in a kind of calmly appreciative way ("You know, to be fair to her, she is really good at styling herself well, and that is definitely an advantage. She's got some game. I like that about her")

The end result is you move to a more balanced appreciation of her, where you recognize her value and are still attracted to her, but your emotions aren't wheeling all over the place.

Finally as a beginner is it better and more efficient to just move on from hard cases like girls who flakes,ghosts, haven't spoken to in a while,short texts or is lukewarm period just so you don't base your self esteem off trying to get with these girls who hardly want you and wait till you get more advanced to get with more difficult low interest girls? It just feels unproductive and demoralizing to try and chase after girls who seem like they don't give a shit about you.

Depends on a few things.

  1. Are you approaching other girls? The more women you're approaching, the more you can tolerate having a few girls in your life who are ghosting or being weird whom you persist with anyway just to see if you can pull something off with them, and not have it affect your view of women or yourself

  2. How do these ghost girls respond to you when you do talk to them? Are they at least sometimes effusive / nice / warm? Or are they always cool / aloof / bitchy? Are you ever able to get them to comply with you? If they're just always ice cold and never comply, then you need to move to increasingly large gaps between contact, then finally drop them altogether if it's just not productive

  3. Do you ever call these girls? An icy relationship can thaw quite a lot with a few good phone calls, much of the time. Messaging just keeps things where they are. Phone calls let you rebuild

Do a lot of approaches, focus mostly on girls who are at least sometimes warm, and give them phone calls, and you may be able to get something from them yet.

(however, if you're not approaching much, and/or they are stone cold, and/or you just don't want to do phone calls for whatever reason, then maybe don't bother)

Also, if you are running into them in person, you can always do what's outlined in this article. You don't need a phone-based relationship to restore attraction in person.

Chase

Sam-2's picture

Chase,

This is truly unique. I came once again to your site looking a specific answer only to see that you already have a relevant article on it. Amazing.

Question: Do these things you write also apply when you come across an ex lover?

Short Background: Just yesterday I was walking down the street, when suddenly I came across a lover with whom I had a 3-week fling this summer. She is 19 and I am 37. I was the second man in her life and the first man to give her orgasms. According to her, I was the best lover she has ever had. She was going back to her country for the summer break and one day before leaving she broke up with me via text (supposedly because I did something wrong). I mistakenly resisted her desision with back-and-forth texting before accepting her decision. During the time she was away, she initiated flirty talk twice with me over text and I did the same with her twice (so 50-50 communication initiative). After that I went no-contact with her. Zero. Then, one day, out of the blue she blocked me from Instagram. I discovered she got a boyfriend whose face she plastered all over her account.

My reaction yesterday: She was in a hurry with a girl friend of hers. I was walking slowly and relaxed with a cup of coffee. Excellent fundamentals. She gave me a quick non-emotional look and I simply reciprocated before we both walked on our way. It was like a look between strangers. Like we never met or had sex. I was unfazed. I completely mirrored her look and smoothly continued on my path. No way I would force any form of communication under these circumstances. Internally, her non-emotional, no-greeting attitude stung me. I thought: "Is this the way you treat the first man who made you cum?"

Do you think my reaction was according to your instructions?
Do you think after this encounter (given that my no-contact behaviour still continues) her attraction level changed?

Lawliet's picture

I'm curious what would happen if you returned a warm gradual smile at her non-emotional look at you. Probably add a wink next to it. Or walk up when she smiles back (who wouldn't at a sexy man like you) and say hi.

Hey, how have you been? 

The funny part is she's with her friend, and she's likely not going to say "yo ex-lover". She'll likely tell her friend, "This is Sam, he's my friend". So you two have this friend dynamic on the outside with a secret flirting inside feel that her friend won't know about. Now that's hot. 

 

Author
Chase Amante's picture

Sam-

Weird 3-week relationship. The details here are a little too scant to tell if she was hot/cold with you for no reason (e.g., a personality disorder) or if it was more the case it was just a simple summer fling for her and she never got too attached and dropped it when you did. Due to the chasing on your part, I'd sort of suspect it's more the latter... but again, not many details here, so hard to tell.

I'd have flashed her a warm smile, like what Lawliet recommends. You needn't be cold to her. It's okay if she has a man now. It's okay if she wants to act cold to you now, because she's staying loyal to her man. That's fine. If you want to pick up with her later on, just be warm, and when things end with her current guy she may circle back to you.

If you stay neutral with her, though, she's less likely to do that.

Don't chase, but do keep things warm.

I doubt the encounter had any impact on her attraction. Just a neutral encounter, where both parties were sort of surprised to see each other, but neither reacted in any way. I've had encounters like this with exes, where I was surprised to see them and just sort of blankly looked at them, and they me, and still had warm interactions with them later, and gotten back with them later (back before I adopted my current rule of "never get back with an ex").

Chase

Lawliet's picture

Hey Chase, 

Thanks for this article and the bonus. Haven't chatted with you for awhile. I hope all is well!

One question (with a bonus ;))

1. If the person is like an online buddy who you never see in person and they started ghosting you and you don't know why (i.e. there was no explicit fight or argument prior). What can we do in this case? Should we address the issue and say the ghosting doesn't work, best to spit it out and so we can move past it?

I already know the right answer if it's a girl (just move on, waste of time). I'm asking about guys. Since it's an online buddy (guy), having them unfriended is same as having them not respond at all. So no big deal but idk maybe it's an important lesson to pick up, a faux pas that I personally am not aware of until I confront them.

2. BONUS: Auto rejection with the girl who left after 15 min in your story

I love your stories. In this situation, you started with "pretend the ghosting didn't happen" and go in playful, flirting, and chill. Then you went to work on her friend, and the ghosting girl got jealous and auto reject. 

Back then, you were a novice and waited a few min before trying to put out the fire. But looking back now, how would you have saved her out of auto rejection? 

One dilemma: Drop or not drop the "pretend ghosting didn't happen"

Because using the auto rejection article, you have to address the issue, then follow up with an olive branch. But you can't address the issue if you're pretending it didn't happen. At the point of her outburst, I think we need to drop it, but what do you think?

Had a funny idea: is to pull her in and land a kiss like the movies. Haven't tried it yet though, but by theory it should work especially since she blurted her interest in front of an audience. It's a gut feeling that it's good.

I don't know. How would you have handled it now?

Lawliet

Author
Chase Amante's picture

Lawliet-

Hope you're doing well as well :)

With the buddy, why not just send a message?

"Hey man, what's going on? Feels like you've been steering clear of me. Want to spit out the issue rather than avoid? I'd rather just have it out, so we can address it, or else break things off in a clean way, that way we aren't dancing around each other with awkward unspoken issues. Want to fill me in on what's going on on your end?"

With that girl... I'd have just put my hands up and been very expressive and say, "Whoa, whoa, hey! I wasn't talking to you as much and that probably felt like I was ignoring you but that is NOT how I meant it at all. Let's sit down, you and me, and we'll talk, JUST us. I want this. I want to talk to you."

Then she'd probably have refused, and I'd have said, "Yes, yes, we need to sit, it is just over here, if I'm horrible you can run off in two minutes, I promise. It's two minutes, it's not going to kill you, let's sit."

If she's still resistant you could also throw a free drink offer in: "Come on, let's sit, I'll buy you a drink. Yes, you want to do that, everyone loves free drinks. You get to have a free drink and sit with a sexy guy who wants to talk to you, I think that is a pretty good deal. Let's sit."

Because basically at the point where she is getting emotional, you know she wants your dick.

So at that point it is just calming her down enough she is not auto-rejecting, then getting her isolated with her, then primed enough for the pull.

I didn't know how to do that then. But this is how I respond to situations like this now. I will just keep talking and cajoling until the girl goes along with things. Because I know once we are seated, and she has already come out with it, and made her interest very clear, all I have to do at that point is qualify her properly so she feels like my interest in her is genuine, then seed a pull that feels like by her going with me, I am doing something for her as a reward / to make things up to her.

And then I will frame the sex as me making up to her, too.

Chase

Joseph P.'s picture

What I know about ghosting is that when a girl does it to you, you failed to come in first place. Second place is first loser, and they'll un-ghost themselves to you if they're looking into having you in some beta role.

Circa 2003-2004, if a girl pulled back, guys chased and pleaded. Now, girl pulls back, guy stops talking to her completely and deletes her. The former is a beta chaser. The latter is a useless guy who refuses to be a beta. But neither is an alpha that gets the girl. Having no apples or 1 bad apple, which one is better is anybody's guess. This is exactly why I have a one strike policy for all new women I meet, real life and online. Flakes and ghosts are deleted and blocked in lieu of them being attention whores. BTW I also hear of some "Don't delete women's numbers" because they come back. IME, they don't unless it's to get a new fan or beta orbiter. First impressions are lasting impressions. Unless she's bringing a Pepperoni Pizza and sucking my dick while I eat, I no longer know you.

Come across a girl that ghosted you, just ignore her unless she's adding some value in your life (I guarantee you her ass isn't). It's better than chasing like a simp. Why not just tell her you're only interested in women who are about action or you just had sex with your ex and started working things back out, or you met a new woman who showed interest and wasn't playing games?

Also, this "Ignore to score" tactic has been overblown and overused. If you got ghosted, the girl got a better offer. Hell what if Kawhi Leonard offered to fly her to Paris first class? What if that 6'8" bodybuilder in the gym asked her on a date? And you just ignore her, think she'll come back? Good luck with that crap! And the fact that it only takes ONE action, inaction, possessed trait, or unpossessed trait to cost you a woman doesn't help. i.e. Owning an android phone, cheering for the New England Patriots, too old, not funny enough, preferring Mercedes over BMW, etc. Often, when you get ghosted, you as the man fucked something up.

I also want to know, what's your take on the "Flake out on her first" tactic? By extension, the flake article needs to be updated for 2020.

Author
Chase Amante's picture

Joseph-

Yeah, you know, it's generally better to be the first choice guy, I agree.

You will not always be able to swing being the first choice guy.

If you're going for volume, you'll need to content yourself with not being that all the time. Most girls you meet you will not be the first choice with.

If you're not going for volume, then yeah, no point / no need, and the content of this article may not be as relevant.

Earlier in the comments, I mentioned a story of a girl who ghosted on me whom I later had a wonderful relationship with. I felt on meeting her I was a "first choice" guy for her. Yet as a beginner I made a bunch of mistakes and caused her to want nothing to do with me, so she ghosted. Ghosting is not a thing only women you're second choice with or worse will do with you.

I think a lot of men overestimate the attractiveness of their competition. Some rich guy (I don't know who Kawhi Leonard is... okay, just looked him up and he is an NBA player) offers to fly her to Paris? You'd be surprised how many girls will turn that down. If you don't believe it, try it yourself: go out next weekend, find 20 hot girls, and tell them you want to fly them to Paris next week. See how many seriously take you up on it, or even meet up with you for a future date. You'll get some initial confusion / surprise / "Oh, okay... uh, maybe!" from it, because they are not used to getting an offer like that. That will be followed up by most of them not taking you up on it, and when they text you it will be with apologies about why they cannot accept it. They will also not come out onto a date. This will be the first time the majority of them have ever encountered an offer like this too, because believe it or not rich guys are not roving the streets in packs offering to fly random women around, even if those women are really hot (and if you look at the women most rich/famous guys shag, the majority of them are actually not that hot at all. Getting money and fame doesn't appear to improve most men's taste in women, apparently). Same deal with the 6'8" bodybuilder. A lot of women are intrigued by that, but in a curiosity sort of way, and many will still not go out with them. They obviously have a much higher attraction baseline than an average guy, but that still leaves a LOT of women unattracted.

See this article (in poem form):

Each Woman Has Different Tastes

Also, this one:

“I Can’t Get Girls Because Girls Only Want [BLANK]”

I am not afraid of the rich famous guy or the tall muscular guy (I mean... I would be a little afraid to fight one of those guys. Wisely, I think. But I am not afraid to compete for a woman with them!). It's rare I see these guys with a girl where I think, "Wow, that girl is just objectively beautiful." And the odds of me actually being in a competition with one of them for a woman are extremely low in general (I mean, maybe if you live in L.A. you're around this more).

I can say I have been the broke guy competing for a woman against multimillionaire doctors and entrepreneurs, and gotten the girl. And I have been the guy with an average build competing for a woman against bodybuilders, and gotten the girl.

There are probably girls I've competed for against these guys, and not known it, and the girl's gone to one of these guys. I'm sure that's happened. I also don't care, and don't remember those girls if it happened... I probably met them at some point, then they dropped off the radar and shacked up with the guy at some point. No worries.

Still, if you see a girl who's ghosted on you, you are probably not going to know why.

You can guess it is because she is hooking up with some big dick rich famous millionaire with impeccable good looks and an uproarious sense of humor and a social circle filled with movie stars and politicians, and that might be the case.

But it might also just be that she's been busy, or she's going through something in her life where she doesn't want to talk to guys right now, or she got mad at you for some reason you don't know and then when she sees you in person again she melts and wants to talk to you again. You have no idea. Trying to guess is just putting limits on yourself.

You can still do that, if you want to. Many people live in prisons of their own design.

But it costs nothing to just be chill, be slightly warm to her, and act like normal around her. It feels a lot better than being cool or pissy, too. The bigger man is called the bigger man for a reason -- people see a man being bigger, and they respect it. A lot. To the extent that they equate it with being physically imposing ('bigger') / physically superior.

I also want to know, what's your take on the "Flake out on her first" tactic? By extension, the flake article needs to be updated for 2020.

I've intermittently recommended the "flake first" tactic to guys since 2010 or so. First heard it in 2006, first used it in 2008. It can work great -- I have had some easier-than-usual first-date lays following flakes on my part. However, I have also had girls drop off the map after me flaking first. If you're pressed for time it's a decent screening tool for filtering in only the interested girls, and setting them up for quick sex on the first date. Can cost you some girls who are on the fence though.

Re: the flake article -- I think you mean mine on what to go when girls flake, correct (we have various other flake articles too)? I debated adding that tactic when I wrote the article, but it's risky enough I don't want to suggest it as a standard practice to guys, especially in a general how-to article on the broader subject.

I should probably give it a dedicated article though. And maybe link to it from that one, for intermediate/advanced guys to try out. I'll put it on the topics list!

Chase

Eugene's picture

So how about girls who were ghosted by you?
For example you courted girl,and fucked up somewhere,or she was uncompliant and you just decide to forget about her.And now she in front of you.Should you completely ignore her?Should you be aloof?Or say 'hi' and act like nothing happened?
What should you do if you want to make another try?

Author
Chase Amante's picture

Eugene-

Ah, that's interesting.

Well, what do you want to do with these girls?

Personally, if I've stopped talking to a girl, I basically just do not want her in my life anymore.

So yeah, when I see her, I will be cordial, but no more than that. Just don't want to give her any ideas.

If you ghosted these girls, then changed your mind later, and run into a girl you decide you'd like to start things up with... me personally, I think I'd give her a little warm "Hey, how've you been?" then if she's friendly do a "We should get drinks sometime" just to feel out where she's at. If she responds well I'd see if she was down for something there and then. If it's cool-ish I might just tell her I'd message her. Then I'd put it on ice for 4-5 days before shooting her a message. If it was a social venue where we were all standing around socializing, I'd probably swing by once more before leaving to see if she'd warmed up at all. If not, go back to what I was doing. If so, try to get something going on then and there.

Chase

Hope's picture

Hi Chase,
Am one of the few female readers that frequently checks out this site. Lots of eye opening takes on the nitty gritty of female nature on here.

It would be great to have a little of your wisdom on the freelancing side of life.

I got laid off due to this covid crisis. A couple of weeks back I decided to start learning copywriting. The Gary Halbert resource you recommended seems to focus on only sales letters. Yet other people say that I also have to learn emails, landing pages, press releases, case studies and brochures.

I had just bought Jon Benson's fast track vsl. Does that mean I have to get other courses that deal with the other skillsets before I can create an account on upwork and start freelancing?

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