Tactics Tuesdays: Running Into Girls Who Ghosted You | Girls Chase

Tactics Tuesdays: Running Into Girls Who Ghosted You

Chase Amante

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girl ghosted you
How should you act when you meet a girl who ghosted you? Avoid her? Hold her feet to the fire? No... you must be COOLER than this.

Sometimes, a girl will ghost you.

Happens to everyone. Nothing to be ashamed about.

She was excited when you met her. Maybe she agreed to a date. Then when you got her texting, she flaked on you, or quit responding.

What do you do when you run into her again?

Do you bring it up?

Guilt trip her over it?

Use a little self-deprecation about it?

Pretend it didn't happen and things are fine with you both?

If you get the response wrong, you'll only confirm any skepticism of you she earlier had.

Yet get the response right, and you can make her want something to happen with you much more than she ever did before.

Chase AmanteAbout the Author: Chase Amante

Chase woke up one day in 2004 tired of being alone. So, he set to work and read every book he could find, studied every teacher he could meet, and talked to every girl he could talk to to figure out dating. After four years, scads of lays, and many great girlfriends (plus plenty of failures along the way), he launched this website. He will teach you everything he knows about girls in one single program in his One Date System.

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Comments

Bizzy's picture

Hey Chase, I was just thinking about this topic since I had a discussion with a woman who said women NEVER play games with men and they are only ghosting men because they are 100% not interested. I don't know how true this is and I also don't think it's a good idea to re-attract a women who ghosted you. By doing this, you imply she did everything right and you are still like the dog chasing her. In your case it looks like the girls who ghosted you first just got jealous when you flirted with other girls infront of them, maybe I am wrong though.

I have been ghosted once and I am still mad about this for one reason. It's not the ghosting itself, it's because that girl's family is close to my family and when my mom died of cancer, that girl never made an effort to even shoot me a message. I had known her for a couple of months then and she acted hot and cold, jealous and flirty and what not. Then she acted weird once, totally ignoring me with her head down and not willing to talk, when I wanted to hug her for new year's day, so I mirrored her behaviour and didn't shoot her a text or see her for weeks until she messaged me on my birthday.  Later she sent my a short flirty text on Valentine's Day. I then texted her on her b-day too and we chatted a little and then we got in a little playful fight because I felt like she was playing her games again, so I asked her to meet me over text and she said we could meet up soon, but not that day. I kind of playfully forced her to make a decision and asked her whether she really was planing to see me and she left me on read. I never texted her again. However, the problem was that mom got sick and she later learned about it. My mom had known her too, she even invited her for dinner at a group meet up once etc. (I wasn't there that day though). So after a year of no contact ( she was still on my whatsapp and social media) my mom suddenly died. That girl never even said anything like I am sorry for your loss. So how I am supposed to act towards her if ever run into her again? She has a boyfriend now, so I am not interested in getting with her, I just feel unrespected for her behaviour regarding the death of my mom. I don't want to be nice towards her yet not look pissed off either, even though I am. If it was another girl, I wouldn't care because most women I meet never get to know my family but she did.

Xander's picture

Dear Chase,

 

What about girls that ghost you at the beginning of interaction? I want to ask you about the best ways to interact with reserved girls that are not used to interact with strangers (unknown man) much. Reason is that I do cold approach on place where most men do not approach in daygame. Men do not approach much so girls are not used to be approached during day (and mostly even at night) and are reserved that creates one magic circle of male and female non-interactions. From my experience there were 2 types of reserved girls I interacted with:

First types are girls that are just reserved and distrustful to unknown man. Most of these girls do not send signals that want to be approached so it is hard to distinguish interested from disinterested for conversation. Of course they can have some subconscious reactions to attraction like wide pupils or touching hair. Good thing is they do not act mean or bitchy (mostly). Thing is that even if I get approach invitation or look at them and see some of those  signs of attraction she will not talk to me very much. My approach is to use smile at first than some opener (direct or indirect) than to try to transit to small talk and finally to transit to personal conversation. But due to lack of their will to talk and my skill I rarely pass opener or small talk. My attempts to personalize conversation and form connection end with their short answers and the lack of interest for conversation. Also these reserved girls are still a little bit reserved when meet through social circle and do not give easy personal data and real connection is hard to happen. I tried to warm them by light bantering but results are mixed.

Second types are girls that are reserved because they think they are queens or goddesses due to their overestimated look (natural or made up). They act like they are center of universe and that their glance can resurrect dead. They also behave in conversation like above mentioned girls but sometimes more bitchy.

Chase, can you tell me what is the best way to chat up with reserved girls? What really annoys me is that later the same those women blame men for their poor love lives. Is there difference in approach strategies between these different types of reserved girls? I respect women and do not want to be pushy and force them to talk if they do not want to. Thing is that reading articles and also from my experience sometimes girls that do not give much at the beginning are more interested than flirty girls or much talkative. If I remember correctly about three year ago you mentioned in one of your posts that you will include battles between open and closed frames in topic list.

Sorry for bad English.

Kind regards,

breeze's picture

Why even care if somone ghosted you? If your fundamentals are tight, their loss.  Personally if a chick ghosts me, I'll probably autoreject.  I wouldn't per se treat her like she's garbage, but I wouldn't be interested anymore either.  unless she was smoking hot.  There are plenty of fish in the sea so I wouldn't even take it personal.  Move on.

 

Here's a bigger question; of those girls whove ghosted you and you ended up with them later...how did those relationships/situationships work out (on a scale from 1-10), compared to women who were enamored with you from the time they laid eyes on you? My intuition would suggest that if a girl ghosts, the relationship would be of a subpar quality compared to one who gave chase soon after you met.  The ghoster will be more inclined to walk away (and thus trying to put you in the one down position) vs the more enamored woman.  I rather spend my energy expenditure on someone enamored by me, vs a ghoster.  Just my own 2 cents.

Benjamin's picture

Hey chase so a lot of times when dealing with women I act like nothing bothers me and I don't overreact and if women don't really pay me much attention,ignore me or I fuck up with her then I tell myself I don't give a shit or try to find some fault in her physical features or character to appease my ego. A lot of times me trying to act unbothered or unflappable not only regarding women,but also dealing with family or friends or people in general ends up getting me characterized as indifferent, non chalant or blaze and I know this is not a good thing. At least to me it sounds like a unattractive character trait. Question is how do I change that? How do I calibrate from being the weird indifferent guy who comes off like he doesn't seem to care about anything or react to anything to the respectable guy who is in control of his emotions in an attractive manner ,can get what he wants,but doesn't feel defeated or like a loser when things don't go his way? Finally as a beginner is it better and more efficient to just move on from hard cases like girls who flakes,ghosts, haven't spoken to in a while,short texts or is lukewarm period just so you don't base your self esteem off trying to get with these girls who hardly want you and wait till you get more advanced to get with more difficult low interest girls? It just feels unproductive and demoralizing to try and chase after girls who seem like they don't give a shit about you.

Sam-2's picture

Chase,

This is truly unique. I came once again to your site looking a specific answer only to see that you already have a relevant article on it. Amazing.

Question: Do these things you write also apply when you come across an ex lover?

Short Background: Just yesterday I was walking down the street, when suddenly I came across a lover with whom I had a 3-week fling this summer. She is 19 and I am 37. I was the second man in her life and the first man to give her orgasms. According to her, I was the best lover she has ever had. She was going back to her country for the summer break and one day before leaving she broke up with me via text (supposedly because I did something wrong). I mistakenly resisted her desision with back-and-forth texting before accepting her decision. During the time she was away, she initiated flirty talk twice with me over text and I did the same with her twice (so 50-50 communication initiative). After that I went no-contact with her. Zero. Then, one day, out of the blue she blocked me from Instagram. I discovered she got a boyfriend whose face she plastered all over her account.

My reaction yesterday: She was in a hurry with a girl friend of hers. I was walking slowly and relaxed with a cup of coffee. Excellent fundamentals. She gave me a quick non-emotional look and I simply reciprocated before we both walked on our way. It was like a look between strangers. Like we never met or had sex. I was unfazed. I completely mirrored her look and smoothly continued on my path. No way I would force any form of communication under these circumstances. Internally, her non-emotional, no-greeting attitude stung me. I thought: "Is this the way you treat the first man who made you cum?"

Do you think my reaction was according to your instructions?
Do you think after this encounter (given that my no-contact behaviour still continues) her attraction level changed?

Lawliet's picture

I'm curious what would happen if you returned a warm gradual smile at her non-emotional look at you. Probably add a wink next to it. Or walk up when she smiles back (who wouldn't at a sexy man like you) and say hi.

Hey, how have you been? 

The funny part is she's with her friend, and she's likely not going to say "yo ex-lover". She'll likely tell her friend, "This is Sam, he's my friend". So you two have this friend dynamic on the outside with a secret flirting inside feel that her friend won't know about. Now that's hot. 

 

Lawliet's picture

Hey Chase, 

Thanks for this article and the bonus. Haven't chatted with you for awhile. I hope all is well!

One question (with a bonus ;))

1. If the person is like an online buddy who you never see in person and they started ghosting you and you don't know why (i.e. there was no explicit fight or argument prior). What can we do in this case? Should we address the issue and say the ghosting doesn't work, best to spit it out and so we can move past it?

I already know the right answer if it's a girl (just move on, waste of time). I'm asking about guys. Since it's an online buddy (guy), having them unfriended is same as having them not respond at all. So no big deal but idk maybe it's an important lesson to pick up, a faux pas that I personally am not aware of until I confront them.

2. BONUS: Auto rejection with the girl who left after 15 min in your story

I love your stories. In this situation, you started with "pretend the ghosting didn't happen" and go in playful, flirting, and chill. Then you went to work on her friend, and the ghosting girl got jealous and auto reject. 

Back then, you were a novice and waited a few min before trying to put out the fire. But looking back now, how would you have saved her out of auto rejection? 

One dilemma: Drop or not drop the "pretend ghosting didn't happen"

Because using the auto rejection article, you have to address the issue, then follow up with an olive branch. But you can't address the issue if you're pretending it didn't happen. At the point of her outburst, I think we need to drop it, but what do you think?

Had a funny idea: is to pull her in and land a kiss like the movies. Haven't tried it yet though, but by theory it should work especially since she blurted her interest in front of an audience. It's a gut feeling that it's good.

I don't know. How would you have handled it now?

Lawliet

Joseph P.'s picture

What I know about ghosting is that when a girl does it to you, you failed to come in first place. Second place is first loser, and they'll un-ghost themselves to you if they're looking into having you in some beta role.

Circa 2003-2004, if a girl pulled back, guys chased and pleaded. Now, girl pulls back, guy stops talking to her completely and deletes her. The former is a beta chaser. The latter is a useless guy who refuses to be a beta. But neither is an alpha that gets the girl. Having no apples or 1 bad apple, which one is better is anybody's guess. This is exactly why I have a one strike policy for all new women I meet, real life and online. Flakes and ghosts are deleted and blocked in lieu of them being attention whores. BTW I also hear of some "Don't delete women's numbers" because they come back. IME, they don't unless it's to get a new fan or beta orbiter. First impressions are lasting impressions. Unless she's bringing a Pepperoni Pizza and sucking my dick while I eat, I no longer know you.

Come across a girl that ghosted you, just ignore her unless she's adding some value in your life (I guarantee you her ass isn't). It's better than chasing like a simp. Why not just tell her you're only interested in women who are about action or you just had sex with your ex and started working things back out, or you met a new woman who showed interest and wasn't playing games?

Also, this "Ignore to score" tactic has been overblown and overused. If you got ghosted, the girl got a better offer. Hell what if Kawhi Leonard offered to fly her to Paris first class? What if that 6'8" bodybuilder in the gym asked her on a date? And you just ignore her, think she'll come back? Good luck with that crap! And the fact that it only takes ONE action, inaction, possessed trait, or unpossessed trait to cost you a woman doesn't help. i.e. Owning an android phone, cheering for the New England Patriots, too old, not funny enough, preferring Mercedes over BMW, etc. Often, when you get ghosted, you as the man fucked something up.

I also want to know, what's your take on the "Flake out on her first" tactic? By extension, the flake article needs to be updated for 2020.

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