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Chase Amante's picture


Good question.

I'm familiar with that emotion control strategy. I've used it quite a bit myself, for situations where my emotions are running wild and I want to get them tamped down.

Here's the easiest way to strike the right balance, I've found:

  1. You start off overvaluing something, so you distract yourself, or point out its flaws to yourself ("Honestly, she is not that hot, and I am mostly only into her because I've been chasing her a while, and because she made  a strong first sexy impression with me, and that is basically all just illusion / presentation")

  2. You realize you've become too cool to it, so to get back to a middle ground, you next recognize some of its advantages, but in a kind of calmly appreciative way ("You know, to be fair to her, she is really good at styling herself well, and that is definitely an advantage. She's got some game. I like that about her")

The end result is you move to a more balanced appreciation of her, where you recognize her value and are still attracted to her, but your emotions aren't wheeling all over the place.

Finally as a beginner is it better and more efficient to just move on from hard cases like girls who flakes,ghosts, haven't spoken to in a while,short texts or is lukewarm period just so you don't base your self esteem off trying to get with these girls who hardly want you and wait till you get more advanced to get with more difficult low interest girls? It just feels unproductive and demoralizing to try and chase after girls who seem like they don't give a shit about you.

Depends on a few things.

  1. Are you approaching other girls? The more women you're approaching, the more you can tolerate having a few girls in your life who are ghosting or being weird whom you persist with anyway just to see if you can pull something off with them, and not have it affect your view of women or yourself

  2. How do these ghost girls respond to you when you do talk to them? Are they at least sometimes effusive / nice / warm? Or are they always cool / aloof / bitchy? Are you ever able to get them to comply with you? If they're just always ice cold and never comply, then you need to move to increasingly large gaps between contact, then finally drop them altogether if it's just not productive

  3. Do you ever call these girls? An icy relationship can thaw quite a lot with a few good phone calls, much of the time. Messaging just keeps things where they are. Phone calls let you rebuild

Do a lot of approaches, focus mostly on girls who are at least sometimes warm, and give them phone calls, and you may be able to get something from them yet.

(however, if you're not approaching much, and/or they are stone cold, and/or you just don't want to do phone calls for whatever reason, then maybe don't bother)

Also, if you are running into them in person, you can always do what's outlined in this article. You don't need a phone-based relationship to restore attraction in person.