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Chase Amante's picture


Yeah, you know, it's generally better to be the first choice guy, I agree.

You will not always be able to swing being the first choice guy.

If you're going for volume, you'll need to content yourself with not being that all the time. Most girls you meet you will not be the first choice with.

If you're not going for volume, then yeah, no point / no need, and the content of this article may not be as relevant.

Earlier in the comments, I mentioned a story of a girl who ghosted on me whom I later had a wonderful relationship with. I felt on meeting her I was a "first choice" guy for her. Yet as a beginner I made a bunch of mistakes and caused her to want nothing to do with me, so she ghosted. Ghosting is not a thing only women you're second choice with or worse will do with you.

I think a lot of men overestimate the attractiveness of their competition. Some rich guy (I don't know who Kawhi Leonard is... okay, just looked him up and he is an NBA player) offers to fly her to Paris? You'd be surprised how many girls will turn that down. If you don't believe it, try it yourself: go out next weekend, find 20 hot girls, and tell them you want to fly them to Paris next week. See how many seriously take you up on it, or even meet up with you for a future date. You'll get some initial confusion / surprise / "Oh, okay... uh, maybe!" from it, because they are not used to getting an offer like that. That will be followed up by most of them not taking you up on it, and when they text you it will be with apologies about why they cannot accept it. They will also not come out onto a date. This will be the first time the majority of them have ever encountered an offer like this too, because believe it or not rich guys are not roving the streets in packs offering to fly random women around, even if those women are really hot (and if you look at the women most rich/famous guys shag, the majority of them are actually not that hot at all. Getting money and fame doesn't appear to improve most men's taste in women, apparently). Same deal with the 6'8" bodybuilder. A lot of women are intrigued by that, but in a curiosity sort of way, and many will still not go out with them. They obviously have a much higher attraction baseline than an average guy, but that still leaves a LOT of women unattracted.

See this article (in poem form):

Each Woman Has Different Tastes

Also, this one:

“I Can’t Get Girls Because Girls Only Want [BLANK]”

I am not afraid of the rich famous guy or the tall muscular guy (I mean... I would be a little afraid to fight one of those guys. Wisely, I think. But I am not afraid to compete for a woman with them!). It's rare I see these guys with a girl where I think, "Wow, that girl is just objectively beautiful." And the odds of me actually being in a competition with one of them for a woman are extremely low in general (I mean, maybe if you live in L.A. you're around this more).

I can say I have been the broke guy competing for a woman against multimillionaire doctors and entrepreneurs, and gotten the girl. And I have been the guy with an average build competing for a woman against bodybuilders, and gotten the girl.

There are probably girls I've competed for against these guys, and not known it, and the girl's gone to one of these guys. I'm sure that's happened. I also don't care, and don't remember those girls if it happened... I probably met them at some point, then they dropped off the radar and shacked up with the guy at some point. No worries.

Still, if you see a girl who's ghosted on you, you are probably not going to know why.

You can guess it is because she is hooking up with some big dick rich famous millionaire with impeccable good looks and an uproarious sense of humor and a social circle filled with movie stars and politicians, and that might be the case.

But it might also just be that she's been busy, or she's going through something in her life where she doesn't want to talk to guys right now, or she got mad at you for some reason you don't know and then when she sees you in person again she melts and wants to talk to you again. You have no idea. Trying to guess is just putting limits on yourself.

You can still do that, if you want to. Many people live in prisons of their own design.

But it costs nothing to just be chill, be slightly warm to her, and act like normal around her. It feels a lot better than being cool or pissy, too. The bigger man is called the bigger man for a reason -- people see a man being bigger, and they respect it. A lot. To the extent that they equate it with being physically imposing ('bigger') / physically superior.

I also want to know, what's your take on the "Flake out on her first" tactic? By extension, the flake article needs to be updated for 2020.

I've intermittently recommended the "flake first" tactic to guys since 2010 or so. First heard it in 2006, first used it in 2008. It can work great -- I have had some easier-than-usual first-date lays following flakes on my part. However, I have also had girls drop off the map after me flaking first. If you're pressed for time it's a decent screening tool for filtering in only the interested girls, and setting them up for quick sex on the first date. Can cost you some girls who are on the fence though.

Re: the flake article -- I think you mean mine on what to go when girls flake, correct (we have various other flake articles too)? I debated adding that tactic when I wrote the article, but it's risky enough I don't want to suggest it as a standard practice to guys, especially in a general how-to article on the broader subject.

I should probably give it a dedicated article though. And maybe link to it from that one, for intermediate/advanced guys to try out. I'll put it on the topics list!