Giving Women Permission Society Doesn't | Girls Chase

Giving Women Permission Society Doesn't

Chase Amante

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give woman permissionWe've talked on Girls Chase before about the importance of giving women permission to desire you. Which might almost sound silly at first... she's a strong adult woman, she doesn't need a man's permission to desire him! Right?

But there are all kinds of rules women feel socially obliged to follow.

Most of these rules are unspoken... the unconscious rules of the social contract.

All a society is is rules and trust. People agree on (often unspoken) rules, and trust each other to follow and uphold the rules, and trust the society itself to be a fair one, based on these broadly understood but largely unspoken rules. During times of social upheaval, you actually get large numbers of people in violation of the unspoken rules, which leads to an erosion of trust in the society, and a schizophrenic society. If you're interested in the big picture, you can read my article on how the violation of long-standing intersexual rules has led to a collapse of trust between the sexes in the West. But this article is not about that.

What this article is about is the individual man and woman.

Namely, you, and a woman you like.

She's with you, she feels like there are things she 'has to' do, and other things she 'has to not do', and you want to shake her free of these constraints so she will join you on your exploits.

How do you break her free?

Chase AmanteAbout the Author: Chase Amante

Chase woke up one day in 2004 tired of being alone. So, he set to work and read every book he could find, studied every teacher he could meet, and talked to every girl he could talk to to figure out dating. After four years, scads of lays, and many great girlfriends (plus plenty of failures along the way), he launched this website. He will teach you everything he knows about girls in one single program in his One Date System.

GET CHASE’S ONE DATE SYSTEM

Comments

Nivo's picture

Aloha Chase, 

Had a few little questions for you to answer please ;

1. in one of your articles regarding a man that acts as potential provider you said that if he goes for it too fast with her she'll be offended “she'll feel like he doesn't value her for something serious the way she wants him to value her”, can you expand on this one? What do you mean?

2.I met with my girlfriends friend a while back at a restaurant and she record my voice secretly to damage the hell out of our relationship and played the record for her after, in the record i said “have this meeting between us private” (also i invited her home but thats ok and justifiable i think), how can I justify or get this problem solved for my girlfriend? she said why did you said it?

3.On your personal opinion: what do you think is the greatest healer when it comes to life? 

Kind Regards, Nivo

 

Author
Chase Amante's picture

Nivo-

Sure, happy to clarify.

On the provider one, think about it like this. A woman is sort of schizophrenic in how she views herself. There is the "her" she presents to potential long-term mates. This "her" is respectable, semi-chaste, and at least a little reserved. Then there is the "her" she presents to the fun throwaway guys. This "her" is loose, wild, adventurous, and fun.

If a throwaway guy gets the wrong impression and treats her like a respectable chaste girl, she's disappointed. She was making herself available to this guy, but he didn't see it, and missed the chance to give her fun times.

If a guy who's a keeper gets the wrong impression and treats her like a loose, wild, adventurous girl, she feels insulted. She hoped he'd view her as a good girl. Instead, here he is treating her like some hussy. She can't believe it. She wanted him to want her for a serious relationship, not disposable throwaway sex! It's hurtful.

It is about her wanting the man she is with to want her in a certain way, based on what she wants with him.

Men do this too. If a slutty girl declines you sex, preferring to go on a series of dates with you first, to see if you might fit her as a boyfriend, for a lot of guys that's offensive. "Hey, you were fine to sleep with all those OTHER guys right away... why do *I* have to wait?"

It's just expectations crashing into reality. If they don't match, people get frustrated, offended, and annoyed.

2.I met with my girlfriends friend a while back at a restaurant and she record my voice secretly to damage the hell out of our relationship and played the record for her after, in the record i said “have this meeting between us private” (also i invited her home but thats ok and justifiable i think), how can I justify or get this problem solved for my girlfriend? she said why did you said it?

Ooh, man. Walking into traps like that. Well, that sucks.

My general rule has always been "I want nothing to do with a girlfriend's social circle." I always assume they will be loyal to her. Often there are flirty friends in girlfriends circles, who may be interested in you... going for them is just juggling dynamite sticks though. Maybe you shag them and it's all good. But then they get jealous, want you all to themselves, so cause drama with your relationship. Maybe you cut things off with them, they get vindictive, and blow your cover. Maybe before you sleep together they get cold feet, feel bad about it, and go confess everything to your girlfriend.

Just be cordial with girlfriends' friends, be likeable, and otherwise stay away.

Find other places to meet women if you're non-exclusive.

And, if you didn't set a non-exclusive frame, and you're then caught red-handed... well.

All I can tell you is every time a woman has caught me with another woman, I've owned it. "Yes, sure, of course. I'm a man. That's what men do. I don't want to lie to you. blah blah"

There is crying, and anger, but if you hold frame and reassure her that she comes first, she'll accept it. At least that's been my experience. Going to depend a lot on your frame though.

As for healers...

3.On your personal opinion: what do you think is the greatest healer when it comes to life?

Two things for me.

One is a long meditation. Can be kind of annoying at the start, when you are trying to calm the mind, and thoughts keep popping in. If you stick it out long enough to completely tame the mind (which is going to take anywhere from 10 to 45 minutes usually, depending on how focused vs. how distracted you are), you drop into a place of just total tranquility and total bliss. And it puts everything into great perspecive.

Another is a shorter, reflective meditation on whatever calms you and gets you re-centered. For me that's often impermanence: whatever I'm doing now, eventually it'll all be gone and forgotten, and that's okay, because that's the way of things. All the stress, the fear, the anxiety, the hubbub of life, the tiny wins and losses, the projects, the goals, the failures, the good things and bad things, it's all going to fade away into the rear view mirror of time and eventually no shred of any of it will be left. Another is imagining myself swathed in warming, healing heavenly light and asking for guidance on what lesson to learn from a trying situation or what step to take next, and just remaining there, calm, and tranquil, until I get that answer. If you haven't done that, it may sound silly - but it works.

A few runners up for me:

  • Pushups to failure (will get your mind off of anything and get you feeling good)
  • Writing a situation out to get it off my mind and onto paper (sort of like you're just dumping it out and letting it go)
  • Getting a full, good night's sleep (naure's reset button)

Be well, man,

Chase

Bulgarian Man's picture

Hey, Chase

I made requests for articles on picking up girls at weddings and picking up female celebrities, A list, B list, etc. Is there anyone in your crew that has experience with these particular categories? Would be cool to read those.

Best,

Alex

Author
Chase Amante's picture

Alex-

I have a little bit of experience picking up quasi-famous women, but not anyone super famous, and not enough of it I'd feel comfortable writing a piece on it.

Alek may have had some relevant experience over the past year. I'll ask him.

As far as weddings, I haven't heard any of the guys mention those, no.

I've only been to a couple of weddings in my adult life, personally -- not sure what the case is for the other guys, but I think for a lot of cold approachers, you are dealing with bachelors who don't do a ton of normal social circle stuff, and whose friends are similar, so there's not a lot of weddings they find themselves attending (different in Eastern Europe, I realize... you're probably finding yourself at weddings fairly often).

Chase

SZ's picture

Hey Chase,

1. How soon after going into a club or bar do we make our first approach? or should we just walk around?

2. can you give me an example of what to exactly say after a direct or indirect approach in a club? places I go to are hard to really deep dive in. so what do I say after I my approach? like what do I talk about after the approach if the venue is very loud and you have to move quick? can you give a quick example for convos at clubs?

3. How do I get rid of the aa and nerves? I can fight through them, but I have to keep doing it over and over for many girls. It doesn't get easier for me no matter how many times I approach, I still get cold feet and each approach is hard.

4. what are good things to talk about that lead to seduction and a lay from the club? girls were asking what I do and then the convo turns into that and it's boring and they try to get to know too much about my money. how do you get off that topic and what are good ones?

5.I feel unwanted, I feel no women want me. I'm out and about and I don't get many signals to approach at all, and at the clubs I am not getting anything at all, this gives me negative feedback. and me gwtting older makes me worry more and more about attraction. so I don't know what to do about it, any advice?

6. any advice on putting your self out for business and sales, while dealing with extreme anxiety?

 

​​​​​Thanks 

 

 

Author
Chase Amante's picture

SZ-

Depends what kind of night you're going for.

If you want to build a lot of momentum, get going right out of the gates, and chat up loads of girls, start takling immediately. Talk to people in line, the moment you walk through the door, at the bar, wherever you find them.

If you want a more chill night where you take it slow and see what comes your way, then it's fine to settle in at the bar and slowly open people around you as they drift up. However, if you're still battling approach anxiety, I don't advise it. Do the first one, get going, build momentum.

Approach anxiety transitions past a certain number of approaches and certain mindset shifts. There's not much I can add beside the articles I've posted before for you numerous times (I hope you've read them all):

  1. Overcoming Approach Anxiety
  2. How to Demolish Approach Anxiety Forever
  3. Conquer Approach Anxiety with The Approach Game
  4. How to Develop Approach Addiction (and Destroy Approach Anxiety Forever)
  5. How to Deal with Approach Anxiety – A Practical Guide
  6. The Death of Approach Anxiety: A 10-Year Reflection (Video)
  7. Curb Your Approach Anxiety by Flipping the Script

I can maybe add an article on mindset transitions you go through dealing with approach anxiety, and how your reaction to the emotion changes as you move through them. That's the only other thing I can think to add to what we already have on the subject. The emotion never goes away, but you can change how you interpret it.

2. can you give me an example of what to exactly say after a direct or indirect approach in a club? places I go to are hard to really deep dive in. so what do I say after I my approach? like what do I talk about after the approach if the venue is very loud and you have to move quick? can you give a quick example for convos at clubs?

Ah, dude, every time the conversation's different.

Have you read the Field Reports Board on the forum? There are probably at least 1000 nightclub field reports on there, many of them with dialogue. Just go on there and do a search for threads with the word "club" or "nightclub" in them.

4. what are good things to talk about that lead to seduction and a lay from the club? girls were asking what I do and then the convo turns into that and it's boring and they try to get to know too much about my money. how do you get off that topic and what are good ones?

See this new forum post by Daniel. It's about exactly this.

5.I feel unwanted, I feel no women want me. I'm out and about and I don't get many signals to approach at all, and at the clubs I am not getting anything at all, this gives me negative feedback. and me gwtting older makes me worry more and more about attraction. so I don't know what to do about it, any advice?

Get a fashion and style makeover.

Hit the gym, put on a little muscle, lose your gut if you have one.

Improve your facial expressions. Improve your mannerisms. Improve your posture. Get sexier.

Read this article and do everything it tells you to do.

As you do these things, your attractiveness will improve more and more, women will go out of their ways to catch your eye more and more, and the funk you're in will lift.

6. any advice on putting your self out for business and sales, while dealing with extreme anxiety?

Get a job that forces you to do it, that has at least a little training. Then, do what your boss tells you to do.

Chase

Lawliet's picture

Hey Chase,

Your article on "even nice girls want to be touched" reminded me of an incident I've been troubleshooting.

I saw her glance at me before getting on the bus, and idk why but I had a feel she is interested. So I sat down next to her on the bus and unsurprisingly, she stops texting, lowers her phone and just sits there staring blankly. Interest!

Her pupils dilated. Interest!

She tries to continue the conversation during pregnant pauses? Interest.

She complies to verbal request (little things). Need I say more.

Despite all of this, when I did the ask: you're fun to talk to, let's grab food sometime (yes it wasn't during high point, my bad), she nodded but then verbally said we see each other around in school (different apartment tho), I'm sure we will see each other again (No we won't).

It's obviously she's interested, meaning it's auto rejection. Possible causes:

1. We talked pretty long for the whole bus ride, way past the 15 min mark to save more on the date.

2. Well since we talked so long, I started to ask about her hobbies, in which she says "none". She just meets friends, eat different food, and then school, you know the "regular girl" you talked about in the article.

I guess my unexpected reaction to her "none" made her lose confidence

 

Here's the dilemma:

First, I can't avoid passing 15 min mark unless I get off the bus before my stop. I don't think we can just sit there and stare at each other, nor pull out my phone (break circle) after 15 min. But keep talking is also bed (less likely to get Yes to date text). With that said, it's a cold night and I have no interest feigning my stop.

Second, she's a regular girl. No aspirations, just living a regular life. I guess I could talk more about food things. But...

Third, here's the obvious one. The "not asking on high point" but I was having trouble reaching it since there's no info offered. She did try, and very hard she did to throw whatever "TV shows" and tried to validate herself. I guess I may have failed to validate her properly for trying to throw something out to talk about.

Despite being interested, rejected. I was stunned but not showing it and continued conversation. I could have pushed

"Ahhh so you're a person who likes fate. Well here's what I believe, *grab her palm* / ask

"For me, fate...goes here (finger touches her palm)." We are the owners...and we both like pho. ;)"

Soooooo....here *slides your phone* in her opened palm, "put your number in and we'll see what happens"

High chance of her doing so. Probably won't reply over text. Who knows.

 

How would you have pushed (or not) to deal with auto rejection, Chase? And, How would you address the three issues so we can avoid this in future?

 

Thanks Chase,
Lawliet

 

Author
Chase Amante's picture

Lawliet-

You need to ask girls out earlier into the interaction.

If it's going well 2-5 minutes in, even if you'll be there another 10+ minutes, just tell her "Hey, before I forget, we ought to trade cells so we can link up later for food or drinks or what have you." Then just grab her contact info.

When girls give you lame answers, just tease them a bit.

Like, seriously, "None? Okay, so you get home after class, toss your school bag down, and stare at the wall for a few hours until it's time for dinner. Transcendental meditation? Seriously, how do you spend your time?" grinning and half-laughing the whole time so you know you're teasing her answer, not her.

When you get lame answers, make it a fun thing: "Oh come on. I can't believe you just pick at your toenails five hours a day. You must do SOMETHING. Watch Netflix? Browse animal porn? There's gotta be something!"

Make it fun. You let her feel boring. Don't do that. Joke around a little with her. If she isn't an interesting person (at least superficially), she needs someone who can help make her feel interesting.

Chase

SZ's picture

1. Chase, how would you describe the difference in going out 1-4 times a week?

could you give a breakdown on the difference in how fast you learn with the days you go out?

for example: if you go out 1 day a week you'll get good in a year, 2 days 8 months, 3 days 6 months, 4 days 3 months.

2. and what are we exactly improving on if we go out more days? or are we just getting more chances? are we asking girls home every night?
where is the best place to have one night stands?

3. what to do if money is an issue? I don't go out a lot because it's costs a lot, for me at least $50-$80 a night. Gas, parking, cover, a drink or two, etc. now imagine that 3-4 times a week. That's a nice place for rent and a nice car payment. So what tips do you have for going out a lot, but not having to spend so much money? or do we just make more mmey? which also means more work, which means that it'll be hard for us to work the more we go out lol.

it's pretty hard to go out a lot without spending money, even without cover I'm still spending like $40 a night.

I'd like your tips on how to make this work if possible without spending so much and being able to still go out.

4. if more men are leaving the dating game, why is it harder to sleep with women than it was before and what can we do to make it easier?

Thanks Chase

Author
Chase Amante's picture

SZ-

This is totally dependent on the guy.

There are guys who can go out two nights a week, but they hustle their asses off, they are hungry, they're extremely perceptive and strategic about what they're trying out and learning, and they progress very, very fast.

There are also guys who game daily, who almost never change things up, and have very low EQs or otherwise are not intuitive learners, and despite hundreds of outings and thousands of approaches in a year they aren't much better than where they started out at.

In general, if you have a normal ability to learn and improve, and you are going out and making it worth it, though, going out often enough is key for a few reasons:

  1. It is going to compel you to really prioritize going out, and make it a key thing you focus on, and your obsession for the moment. That way you are directing more of your mental energy into figuring out women and excelling more in the game

  2. It is going to give you more touch points with women, more chances to score some Ws that will help with your motivation, and more opportunities to take things deeper into the interaction so you aren't just practicing basics all the time

  3. When you stack up several outings in succession, it creates momentum, which is fairly important for learning. Imagine trying to learn how to play piano taking class once a week + never practicing at home, versus having class five days a week + practicing at home each day, for instance.

What do you learn each time you're out? You need to come up with your own learning plan. Or complete the assignments from the diagnostic quiz or one of the products like One Date or my book.

For keeping expenses down... see my article on broke-guy game. Skip to section #6. I know you've read it before; I think I wrote it for you.

A few ideas on the stuff I didn't cover:

  • Can you car pool? Easy way to save on gas

  • Is there nowhere cheaper you can park? Look for street parking, even if you have to walk a little farther

  • Get on the lists for places with covers. If the don't have lists, meet the promoters and have them get you in free. If they don't have lists or promoters, go on the off nights, befriend all the bar staff, and in a month or two of going 1-2 times per week on slow nights you should be able to go on busy nights and get waved in. Or just go places that don't have covers. Often the best places for picking up only have a $5 cover or no cover. The really expensive places tend to be horrible for picking up at

Also, anything wrong with day game?

Re: more men leaving the dating game, well, more women are too. But not as many as the men are.

The problem most guys seem to be having is the decline of the nightlife scene. There was a similar phenomenon in the late 1970s when the discos were dying and no one was going to them anymore. Then Saturday Night Fever came out and everyone was back in the discos again. Then at some point they died back off, later to be replaced by modern nightclubs. But there was a gap in between, when people really weren't going out much, and there was much less of a nightlife scene.

This is a normal thing that happens, and there's a cyclical pattern to it.

Nightlife dies, then after a while it resurrects. Then it dies off again, then resurrects again. Typically in slightly different forms (I don't think too many people today would want to go to a 1970s disco. Just like more and more people today don't want to go to a 2000s nightclub. Sooner or later some other kind of nightlife venue is going to come along that people DO love going to, and it'll come surging back... for a cycle, anyway...).

Regardless though, day game and social circle is as good as ever.

Most of the complaints you're hearing are coming from pure night gamer guys.

Also Tinder guys, lamenting the decline of the dating apps (which are totally saturated with men, and which the best women aren't on).

Chase

the emerald archer's picture

Hey Chase,

I'm kinda surprised you mentioned social circle being hot right now, since you strongly favor cold approach and have mentioned numerous times you're not much of a social circle guy due its limitations (like low turnover, reputation issues, status games, time consuming, etc.)

How would you recommend using social circle (while it's hot as ever) to complement day game and cold approach in general? Are there any specific types of circles you would suggest guys try to be a part of (party circles, activity or hobby groups, etc.) to utilize it effectively with the decline of nightlife?

Social circle seems the broadest and least straightforward of all the avenues for meeting women (day game, night game, online) since there are many types of social scenes and circles guys can get involved in.

- Emerald

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