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Chase Amante's picture


Sure, happy to clarify.

On the provider one, think about it like this. A woman is sort of schizophrenic in how she views herself. There is the "her" she presents to potential long-term mates. This "her" is respectable, semi-chaste, and at least a little reserved. Then there is the "her" she presents to the fun throwaway guys. This "her" is loose, wild, adventurous, and fun.

If a throwaway guy gets the wrong impression and treats her like a respectable chaste girl, she's disappointed. She was making herself available to this guy, but he didn't see it, and missed the chance to give her fun times.

If a guy who's a keeper gets the wrong impression and treats her like a loose, wild, adventurous girl, she feels insulted. She hoped he'd view her as a good girl. Instead, here he is treating her like some hussy. She can't believe it. She wanted him to want her for a serious relationship, not disposable throwaway sex! It's hurtful.

It is about her wanting the man she is with to want her in a certain way, based on what she wants with him.

Men do this too. If a slutty girl declines you sex, preferring to go on a series of dates with you first, to see if you might fit her as a boyfriend, for a lot of guys that's offensive. "Hey, you were fine to sleep with all those OTHER guys right away... why do *I* have to wait?"

It's just expectations crashing into reality. If they don't match, people get frustrated, offended, and annoyed.

2.I met with my girlfriends friend a while back at a restaurant and she record my voice secretly to damage the hell out of our relationship and played the record for her after, in the record i said “have this meeting between us private” (also i invited her home but thats ok and justifiable i think), how can I justify or get this problem solved for my girlfriend? she said why did you said it?

Ooh, man. Walking into traps like that. Well, that sucks.

My general rule has always been "I want nothing to do with a girlfriend's social circle." I always assume they will be loyal to her. Often there are flirty friends in girlfriends circles, who may be interested in you... going for them is just juggling dynamite sticks though. Maybe you shag them and it's all good. But then they get jealous, want you all to themselves, so cause drama with your relationship. Maybe you cut things off with them, they get vindictive, and blow your cover. Maybe before you sleep together they get cold feet, feel bad about it, and go confess everything to your girlfriend.

Just be cordial with girlfriends' friends, be likeable, and otherwise stay away.

Find other places to meet women if you're non-exclusive.

And, if you didn't set a non-exclusive frame, and you're then caught red-handed... well.

All I can tell you is every time a woman has caught me with another woman, I've owned it. "Yes, sure, of course. I'm a man. That's what men do. I don't want to lie to you. blah blah"

There is crying, and anger, but if you hold frame and reassure her that she comes first, she'll accept it. At least that's been my experience. Going to depend a lot on your frame though.

As for healers...

3.On your personal opinion: what do you think is the greatest healer when it comes to life?

Two things for me.

One is a long meditation. Can be kind of annoying at the start, when you are trying to calm the mind, and thoughts keep popping in. If you stick it out long enough to completely tame the mind (which is going to take anywhere from 10 to 45 minutes usually, depending on how focused vs. how distracted you are), you drop into a place of just total tranquility and total bliss. And it puts everything into great perspecive.

Another is a shorter, reflective meditation on whatever calms you and gets you re-centered. For me that's often impermanence: whatever I'm doing now, eventually it'll all be gone and forgotten, and that's okay, because that's the way of things. All the stress, the fear, the anxiety, the hubbub of life, the tiny wins and losses, the projects, the goals, the failures, the good things and bad things, it's all going to fade away into the rear view mirror of time and eventually no shred of any of it will be left. Another is imagining myself swathed in warming, healing heavenly light and asking for guidance on what lesson to learn from a trying situation or what step to take next, and just remaining there, calm, and tranquil, until I get that answer. If you haven't done that, it may sound silly - but it works.

A few runners up for me:

  • Pushups to failure (will get your mind off of anything and get you feeling good)
  • Writing a situation out to get it off my mind and onto paper (sort of like you're just dumping it out and letting it go)
  • Getting a full, good night's sleep (naure's reset button)

Be well, man,