Tactics Tuesdays: How to Approach Girls Who are Eating Alone | Girls Chase

Tactics Tuesdays: How to Approach Girls Who are Eating Alone

Chase Amante

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girl eating alone
How to approach a girl eating alone – you must disarm her concerns of awkwardness first. Then you turn the tables.

This one’s a bit niche. But hey, I just covered a very broad topic (in great detail!) yesterday in my how to get a girlfriend article. So I think I can tackle a specific one here.

On our discussion boards, forum member CuriosityKillsTheCat asks:

I’ve approached girls eating many times. It was difficult. Most of the time she had to stop and talked with me. Also I hadn’t find a way to move her to another place. Phone numbers were 100% flake.

Do you guys approach girls eating? My school’s cafeteria has many girls sitting alone eating there. I might miss out big opportunities.

(here’s his forum thread on this)

It seems like a simple one to solve: she’s by herself, just go talk to her. Right?

Except it’s a little more complicated than that. Try it out, and you’ll find it’s often a bit awkward and a little intrusive to approach a girl who’s seated alone, eating her meal. You can make her feel trapped, and if there are ample places to sit, you look like you’re chasing her if you go all the way over to her. There are plenty of snares here for you to fall into.

Is there a way to consistently approach girls alone in large cafeterias (or elsewhere), and have it go well?

Chase AmanteAbout the Author: Chase Amante

Chase woke up one day in 2004 tired of being alone. So, he set to work and read every book he could find, studied every teacher he could meet, and talked to every girl he could talk to to figure out dating. After four years, scads of lays, and many great girlfriends (plus plenty of failures along the way), he launched this website. He will teach you everything he knows about girls in one single program in his One Date System.

GET CHASE’S ONE DATE SYSTEM

Comments

christiano vegas's picture

Hi,
Happy new year to all of you. 2017 is going to be great, very good feeling about it.
At the moment I'm very experimental and try a lot of stuff, mainly from this site.
One of the best places are coffee shops. I usually do it direct. But because it's a small town and there are not that many coffee shops. So maybe there are some different ways to approach? Just a bit more under the radar.
Thanks and keep the articles coming.

Author
Chase Amante's picture

Christiano,

Hmm. Well, the problem with a limited number of small venues is you start running into regulars after a while. And all the staff gets to know you. No matter how subtle you try to be, the staff and many of the regulars will notice if you chat up new girls all the time.

So if these are your only real option to meet girls at, you want to get the staff and regulars on your side, and include them in the adventure.

Best way to do this is just be the friendly, social guy they all like. Talk to everybody and be friendly with everybody. Aim should be for everyone to see you as just that outgoing guy who chats up everyone. Then when they see you chat with a new girl they can roll their eyes and smile and go, "Oh boy, there he goes again." And when you talk to them later they can go, "So, how'd it go?"

Aside from that, you can't be much more under-the-radar than sitting near a girl and casually chatting her up. Anyone who's paying attention will notice you're talking to her, and there's not much of a way to get around talking to her (can't pass her notes, for instance. Well, you could, but she'll probably just start talking to you if she likes you). So better to handle staff + regulars proactively, that way you don't have to worry about them objecting whenever they see you make some chitchat with another new girl.

Chase

CuriosityKillsTheCat's picture

First, I just got a first date from cold approach, ever, with the "approaching girl strategy". And another girl lines up for next week. It won't work 100%, but I think it should work 20%-30%.
Also, befriending a staff is important. Just this week, an employee in the clothing stores threatened to call security when she saw one of my failed approach. BUT. It was the first time after 800+ approaches.
Very rare, but better safe than sorry.

Andreas's picture

great stuff, very well written. good technique tips!

Dominik's picture

Hey Chase,

firtst of all thank you for that great arcticle.
Due to hte fact that I eat a lot at fast food restaurants it will certainly help me.
But there is another situation I encounter often.
Its when I order or buy something and I really like the girl, who is working at the restaurant or store.
But I dont know how to approach such a girl.
I mean, she has work to do so I dont want to disturb her and oftentimes there are many clients.
How do you handle such situations?
Would be great if you could make an article about this.
I see that Im missing a lot of opporunities.

Author
Chase Amante's picture

Lawliet's picture

Hey Chase,

Thanks for another approach article.
In your main how to approach anywhere article, you mentioned about not making eye contact, then moving close to them, then casually pre-open and then etc.

What say they caught your eye, as they give you the look or AI or what have you...
By then, you and her know each other's presence.
If I then walked up close to her, according to the steps in the main article, it feels creepy.

But does that mean we have to stick to the confident approach and walk straight up?
However, in your main approach article, you noted how risky this is as the guy is expected to carry that same confident vibe throughout from his beeline directness.

What would you do in this situation?

Re: Different "style of game"
I remember you mentioned about certain styles work with certain types and age of girls.
Such as playful asshole style for "18-24"

Do you have a list?
Maybe some on girls' lifestyle types or even race.
And finally how to build these styles ready to go in our arsenal when necessary?

I've been having trouble with playful asshole style. Not much of a talkative type and run out material haha

p.s. your email notification system is back online now :) It started not work a year ago. Glad it's fixed!

Thanks,
Lawliet

Author
Chase Amante's picture

Lawliet-

In the event you make eye contact from a distance first:

  1. Hold it
  2. Smile at her
  3. After she smiles, slowly glance to the side
  4. Start to walk toward her, not looking at her yet (but she knows you mean to talk to her)
  5. As you draw near, resume eye contact and flash another smile
  6. Open

You can also do the "maintain laser-like eye contact all the way over" bit, but you need to balance that with a very strong opener - probably verbally strong, and definitely nonverbally strong.

"Different styles of game for different kinds of girls" - I do not have a list. Most of this stuff is instinctual to me at this point, unless I sit down to seriously analyze how something is done or what the difference is between what this girl responds to and that one does, etc. No lists for anything I haven't analyzed. I'd want to avoid being overly simplistic, in any event... Things that work on one girl can work on another, just sometimes they need tweaks or some things may be more likely to work on one type of girl than they are on another, is all.

As for the playful asshole style... Check out my new post on A2daMIR's approach. That might give you a bit of inspiration - he's basically nothing but straight up playful asshole, 24/7/365.

Chase

WT's picture

Hey Chase,

I appreciate your answer to my comment on learning about girls in the female sexuality article
https://www.girlschase.com/comment/81771#comment-81771

I've already started working on getting out of the I'm special mentality, switching to thinking that "I'm just a guy/She's just a girl, we're all just guys/girls/people..." but I think some more experience should help me out there.

You also mentioned how some girls told you about a story of how a guy got them in some way you'd never expect, can you share some w/ me? that piqued my curiousity & I don't have much experience but I'm interested haha.

Speaking of that topic too, in that article you mentioned the thing of how some of the beautiful girls had some ugly lovers in the past, and I've noticed this trend sort of before.

Often I'll see normal attractive girls w/ guys who I'd think would fit them on a first impression scale but then there are these (relatively often in my experience) times when I see some girls who are prettier than those girls before & they're with these guys who have poor fundamentals, looks or things I can see on first sight.

One time I saw this beautiful 5'6" blonde girl w/ a great body, Sports Illustrated college cheerleader of the week & she was holding hands w/ this guy who was overweight, had poor grooming & poor posture, pretty much an overall poor 1st-impression kind-of-guy (tho I didn't know him other than what I saw of him). I also kind of knew of this girl from a distance in school and the previous guy she was with wasn't much in these departments either. Seriously how do these things happen lol?

That example was the most extreme I've seen but i've seen similar occurences, how do these things happen? What do these girls think in making their choice & how they feel? Overall, i'm baffled.

Also I was reading your how to get a girlfriend in 2 weeks article (good article man) & I was wondering why you didn't mention bonding-deep diving for the date part? I got the impression in learning from Girls Chase that connecting was a staple with girls?

Maybe it's the girls I see but getting to know them deeper on dates has worked out well for me but also my experience isn't much, so maybe a small sample size so far.

Thanks Chase - WT

Author
Chase Amante's picture

WT-

That could be an article in its own right! But some of the most common ones are the guys who repeatedly ask girls out again and again... I always saw that as desperate and viewed it as an ineffectual strategy, but after hearing a few of these stories I decided it must work sometimes.

Girls talking about guys taking them on different kinds of dates... Some of the most surprising to me for a while were girls having guys invite them to their apartments on first dates and curling up with glasses of wine next to a big window or on a couch and just chatting for a few hours, then screwing. Often these would be classy girls and I didn't imagine (when I was younger) they could be had on first dates, and especially not with easy dates like that, just drinking wine and chatting in the guy's apartment. Men using romantic stuff, both subtle and over-the-top, to sleep with girls, like giving the girl a bunch of flowers or taking her some place that had sentimental experience to the guy.

Oana and Andreea both talk about how guys got them in the past in One Date & TDA, some of these ways pretty surprising, so if youend up picking up a copy of that when it goes on sale hopefully late February you'll hear some of those in there as well.

"How to Get a Girlfriend" I aimed to keep as lean and simple as I could while having all the major steps in there. So I didn't include a lot of things like deep diving, chase framing, resistance-handling, etc. Those things are often going to be in there too, but in the interest of not making the article too complicated or too crowded I left them out. Connection is absolutely a staple of mine, though, yes.

As for girls with guys with terrible fundamentals, usually it's social circle. The longer people know each other, the less appearances matter. So it's possible for schlubby guys to get hot girls if they know them socially and have attractive personalities. This was my kryptonite moving from high school into a huge university campus (40,000 students); in high school, I was able to get the hottest girls crazy about me over time through personality alone, even though fundamentals-wise I was pretty bad. Once I got to college and every class had different people and I rarely saw the same girls much, girls all thought I was scary and avoided me. Not until junior year - when I found myself in a bunch of the same classes with the same small set of people - did I find myself with hot girls chasing after me again. Then once I got out into the real world, that disappeared again. At that point, I realized being overweight, wearing baggy clothes and jangly gold jewelry, having a crappy $12 haircut, and mumbling in a monotone voice wasn't going to cut it, so I started to work on fundamentals.

But yeah, if I'd been a little bit more aggressive in high school or college, I could've been one of those guys you'd have looked at and said, "How on Earth is that sloppy-looking dude with that knockout?" Wouldn't happen now because my fundamentals are in order, but there's probably a universe in which chubby Chase figures out enough about girls in college that he never needs to go on his seduction self-improvement journey, and probably stays chubby Chase forever.

Chase

WT's picture

haha yea I've definitely seen the ask her out again & again one. In high school, there was this guy who kept asking my friend out over & over. She didn't like him, thought he was annoying and once, she slapped him hard in the face in front of a big group of people. Somehow tho, they eventually ended up going out & dating him for over a year. i still don't really understand caz he was pompous and pretentious and most people didn't like him. she was pretty cute too

I'd definitely be interested in reading an article like that. Your anecdotes here just got me thinking more creatively and less rigidly in thinking that i can only get a girl w/ X, Y, Z steps. i think as a beginner, for me, keeping it simple makes it easy but i do wish i would keep a more open mind of there's an entire A-Z number of ways to end up together. the freedom of creativity in thinking of ways to get a girl makes it more fun & exciting for me, but also more in theory. a process & doing the same thing over & over simplifies things in the heat of the moment

I'm in the same boat as you. Connecting is a fundamental to me and i'd do regardless if I had heard of GC, but prob not as well w/o the tips i've learned here.

Also why did girls think you were scary in the beginning of college? Seems random haha.

Thanks for answering my ?'s Chase

- WT

Author
Chase Amante's picture

Also why did girls think you were scary in the beginning of college? Seems random haha.

Intense facial expressions I deliberately made more intense by years of seeking to be as hard as possible.

I still have a deathstare now, but you learn to temper it with less-scary facial expressions, and with the right mix of vibe, style, etc., the intensity comes off sexy instead of scary.

Chase

Magenta's picture

Hi Chase, thanks for another very good article, i was thinking about this while I was hanging out in NYC this past weekend. Basically my question is similar but in a different situation. I was hanging out with my friends over the weekend and got to meet up with some of his female cousins. Of course the overall interaction with her was very brief, mostly over brunch for about 2 hours in large group setting before she had to go. So in situations like this, how do you get with the cousin in terms of her contact and setup a date afterwards at a later time, without coming off as too aggressive in front of everyone? How about at a friends house party, where you spot a single girl you like and start chatting her up a bit, how to do you approach getting her contact for a date at later time? I feel these are very short window of an hour or two at most, afterwards i will never see these girls again since i don't have regular interaction with them. I guess i can get to know their name, chat them up, and hit them up on facebook later, but was wondering if you had other suggestions when dealing with these types of situations where there is time compression.

Thanks,
Magenta

Author
Chase Amante's picture

Magenta-

Check out this article:

Meeting Girls in Messy Situations / Friends Around

In particular, skim down to the section titled "The Girl Locked Into a Big Group." Your options in the scenarios you've outlined are the same - either you wait for her to wander off somewhere alone and sneak out to go meet her then, or you weave your way through the group until you're right next to her, build a quick connection, then make a casual exchange of contact info.

If you get into a decent chat with her and the other folks approve of the match (or at least don't disapprove), they typically will not interfere. You and her might both get questions about it later, but if you keep it relaxed enough and you're sociable with everyone else, you'll each be able to play it off as no big deal and meet up later without the social pressure on.

Chase

Dominik 's picture

Hej Chase,

what do you advise to do when the place is very crowded and all seats are taken?

Should I use the same opener you mentioned in the article while standing next to her? I see this as problematic, because I appear very intimidating with my height. (I'm 2,02 m tall)

Would be nice if you can help out.

Best regards

Dominik 

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