Being Happy with an Unconventional Life | Page 2 | Girls Chase

Being Happy with an Unconventional Life

Chase Amante

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Chase Amante's picture

A reader writes in with the following question:

Hi Chase,

You are one of the best writers on the web about this topic. I am mainly sending this to thank you, and [because] I have something else to also ask, I will get right down to it. You obviously live a type of life that is not the typical 9-5. Society frowns upon it, but you seem to be embrace it. I would also love to do what you do, but I have this fear that I will fail. There is also all the pressure from family and friends to follow a traditional path.

So, Chase, please tell me: How do manage to stay unorthodox and happy?

Your student for life,
Arnold

unconventional life

It's a good question. I know plenty of people on both the "orthodox" and the "unorthodox" side of things who claim to be "happy", yet whose actions and behaviors betray a deep lack of satisfaction with their lives.

I think most people are lost, and looking, or have given up looking, and meanwhile resent the pressures that others put upon them - whether they kowtow to those pressures, or they struggle against them.

And the people putting those pressures upon them are just as lost and unsatisfied as those they press down on.

This cycle of confusion and dissatisfaction seems to be an inherent quality of human life, and has been down through the ages. One of the things I set out to do a long while ago, though, and seduction was something that fell under the umbrella of this, was not have to worry about this like other people did.

Comments

Author
Chase Amante's picture

Yink-

That's a great call, and an important topic. I'll add it to the list, and probably write something on it soon.

Chase

Anonymous's picture

Wow Chase, nice article, seems you have quite a few questions to answer ;-P

Hope you wouldn't mind dropping me some advice when it comes to freelance work.

I have a pretty strong computing background all round and recently have become interested in pursuing freelance work, I guess mainly because I believe it would fit in with my lifestyle fairly well.

However I was unsure of the best area to get into. I know that you have recommended programming to a few people, and in particular ruby on rails or php.

So I researched rails and it seems to be quite a popular and powerful languag at the moment but I just wanted to know:

1). What are your thoughts on the longevity of this languages popularity and demand? Im fairly new to this and don't want to learn a language only to find out that in a years time the demand has dipped and there is no money in it.

2) If you have any experience in rails, what is the learning curve like?

So yeh mainly I was just interested in how you actually go out selecting which language would be best to learn now and for the future.

Thanks.

Author
Chase Amante's picture

Anon-

I don't have a huge amount of experience programming myself, outside of basic HTML and CSS plus the odd mySQL and PHP (that I probably shouldn't be messing with personally) here and there. So I'll defer to others' opinions in this case.

On how long rails stays relevant and popular, I'd refer you to this thread on Hacker News from a few weeks back:

Ask HN: In 2016, will Rails & Django be competitive against newer technologies?

On learning curves, it can be quick to learn if you have some background in other languages, although if you're starting from scratch it apparently can still give you some conniption fits. A few good resources for getting a feel for what the learning curve is like are here:

Is Ruby on Rails supposed to have a steep learning curve or is it just me?

This is Why Learning Rails is Hard

Learning Ruby and Rails is actually pretty easy!

Chase

Que's picture

You've really changed my life with the insightful articles that you write on this site. I feel like I've hit a gold mine.

I recently summoned up the courage to finally de-activate my Facebook account for the same reasons you have stated on this and other articles. What I want to know is can I do the same on Twitter or is it an exemption for Twitter?

Author
Chase Amante's picture

Que-

Props on pulling the plug on Facebook! There's a great 2-minute clip that just came out that you can forward to anyone who wants to know what happened to you:

... although if your experience was anything like mine, most people won't really notice.

Depends on how you're using it. I've never used Twitter except as a notification platform for people who want to know about business promotions or events, etc., so I don't "get" the mentality of people who are on there like I do Facebook, which I was active on from 2006 through 2010. I've read that people can become addicted to and obsessive about Twitter, but at this point I have a little difficulty wrapping my mind around that.

I'd suggest that if you're using it for practical purposes - for work or something - maybe stay on there, but if it's just another distraction and waste of time, I'd probably trash bin that one too.

Chase

jj123's picture

I love the subject of the article, Chase, but to me your approach to it is a bit off...

In "praise for the everyman," you seem to present a false dichotomy: that being unconventional is a rupture with civilization that must be justified to all the purveyors of status quo conformity. And otherwise, to keep quiet about it and not ruffle feathers.

Being a freelance entrepreneur and not working for an organization or corporation with a shift schedule or wage/set salary is NOT an assault against civilized life. Simply doing nothing and having no plans for yourself is. Fewer younger adults are doing it because fewer gainful opportunities for personal economic survival within this civilization exist in that form. I guess it's going along to get along by taking a 28 hour position at a Wal Mart (now with a recent college degree) for $8.75 an hour. But still living at home, one morning dad will blast in screaming "when are you going to find something REAL???" People who think that anyone able-bodied (and I especially mean male) can walk into a factory, start work right away, and pay all basic living expenses with some left over, have their heads in the sand that has since cemented over. Most of those sorts of factories were exported to China 10 to 20 years ago. What's left for available 9-5 low and semi-skilled work pays too low to "make a real living," and the hypothetical everyman will still be all over your ass to "make real money." VERY many recent college grads are in the sinking boat right now.

So if there's a better chance of becoming self-sufficient, even successful, as a start-up, then that's what you do. America itself was a start-up. The everyman mode is an obsolete, mid-20th century model that not only isn't working, much of it no longer exists.

I am a writer. I've had some fits and starts (due to personal more than actual professional problems) and a long period of dormancy and recovery. A few males seized upon this to steer (more like browbeat) me into the herd of conformity, in getting a "real job" (luckily I do have a fund to live off of, though not like a Kennedy with a yacht). I knew that if I did so, based on what's most available it would be part-time, low-level (7-10 bucks an hour) and soon enough, these same sages of wisdom would be bashing me as a loser without anything going for me. Could they say that about a published writer/author?

For those three (they were both young and older), their objections were also content-specific to my writing. They'd listened to their moms too much, or had put their daughters on pedestals, and were white knight believers of chivalry. One of my main areas of interest, by the way, is the MRA movement. So they weren't being helpful guides; they were malicious and used lots of spiteful shaming language to try making their points.

A few much older people I met as a volunteer raised questions, but were tying to be more helpful in saying "they're hiring there" or "try that instead," rather than "figure it out yourself because unmotivated and irresponsible" like the aforementioned three.

I love much of your stuff, Chase. But at the same time you do come off as a bit fearful, as you spend a lot of bandwidth explaining, rationalizing, and equivocating, in effect apologizing for promoting thinking that goes against the norm. Here in America, when it comes to treatment of women and men's work ethic standards, we are still influenced by some VICTORIAN customs native to the Western world. But with that in mind, things do seems to be evolving...

Author
Chase Amante's picture

J-

Being unconventional is certainly not a rupture with society; if it came across that way, then I didn't properly communicate somewhere in the article. The ruptures with society are generally the ones who cause destruction to society in pursuit of their own objectives - killers, thieves, and drug kingpins who involve themselves in turf wars and take no responsibility to the people who use their products irresponsibly are good examples; the unchecked "cancers" of a society, compared to most other individuals roles as the regular body cells, checking some of their behavior in order to achieve a more balanced place for all. Occasionally the destructive individuals manage to derail an entire society using similar methods to bodily cancers (tricking the body / society into seeing them as just a regular part of the whole, rather than a destructive, ravenous tumor) in bloody coups that plunge their nations into famine, disease, warfare, inflation, and depression, the societal equivalent of the cancer killing the host. Innovation within the framework of society is still in service of that society.

On explaining / equivocating: I've taken a bunch of people to task over coming to this site with a "you are so offbase, and XYZ way is the right way to go!" mentality - see:

... and the lengthy first-comment debate between Annus Horribilis on myself on the "Girl Has a Boyfriend" article. If someone's clearly being an opinionated ass, I'm going to call him out and hang his emotionalism out to dry. That goes for both people entrenched in their mainstream beliefs who want to believe that being a white knight and taking a girl on 10 dates before making a move and whatnot is the way to go, and anything else means you're a bad man, and that goes for the guys who think women are the enemy and need to be combatted, disrespected, or disregarded as well, and to not do so is a betrayal of the male sex.

If you look at most MRA sites, they tend to be:

  • Small websites with small, angry audiences
  • Filled to the brim with bitter rants and whining
  • Riddled to high heaven with victim mentality

... in other words, they're essentially feminist websites, except with the roles of women and the Male Oppressor upended and swapped. The same complaining, annoying, and entirely unproductive whining and ranting shows up on them as on feminism sites, only now directed back at the opposite sex.

I don't know you or your views or your writing, so you may not fall in this camp and may well be doing some good and have balanced, non-bitter views on the sexes - in which case, that's commendable, and hopefully you can lead that corner of the Internet out of the dark and into the light.

As for this site, it's not a propaganda site, and I'm not here to tell men to beat back the Evil Feminists, mainly because I've met maybe two (?) evil feminists ever in my entire life, and this seems to be an online phenomenon where people are just blowing each other's words out of proportion and getting all emotional and gossipy about this sex said that and that sex said this and you should do this and he should do that and she should be this way... a whole lot of tongue wagging and a deafening absence of real-world action.

On GC, we do have some readers who filter in here from the MRA camps, and we do have some Red Pill guys, and we do have some PUA guys. But many of the 700,000 monthly readers here could not even tell you what any of those acronyms mean, and the information on those sites is completely inaccessible to them because it's shrouded in mentalities they cannot understand and find distasteful, off-putting, or offensive.

The "explaining" that we do on this website is for one reason: because so many people come here from all over the Internet, I want anyone to be able to land on any article on this website coming from ANY background with ANY set of beliefs and be able to read it and say, "That makes sense," WITHOUT me having to water anything down or present flawed viewpoints. That often takes longer to do, and requires a lot more explanation than simply slapping a paragraph on the web and saying, "Do this, because if you don't, you're not alpha."

A large number of the readers here don't WANT to be full on pickup artists. They aren't victims of female oppression. They don't have a bone to pick with women. They just want to know what they're doing wrong with girls, they want to understand how women's brains work, and they want to know how they can find a great girlfriend and keep her. Some other guys here are driven to get as good with women as they possibly can. Another group of readers here are already very talented with women, and come here because they'll sometimes come across things they haven't thought of, or get a better understanding of something they've been doing for years but never really understood why it worked.

Personally, I'm someone who comes with strongly-held beliefs, and I can tell you unequivocally that had I run into most of the men's sites out there pre-pickup, I would've panned them and walked away disgusted with them - they don't do a very good job of speaking to the uninitiated. They are closed; they are small; and most of their writers are so low on empathy, it seems, that they're wholly unable to effectively communicate with others in a way that those others can understand, rather than fight against out of painful cognitive dissonance.

Taking time to explain things in a way that people who are not already sold on whatever it is you're teaching is not an apology.

It's teaching - in a much more effective way (I think, and countless people have told me), that gets guys not just repeating words they read online, but actually able to come up with their own stuff naturally because they get why that stuff works and why women respond to it the way they do - instead of, say, the old PUA community's explanation of things like "chick logic" and "shit tests" that more or less sound like, "We don't know why women like this, except that they're crazy, but just do this because it works!"

The guys who read this site know why the stuff works, and are able to come up with their own new stuff on the fly - which, to me, is the ultimate sign of success as a teacher... when guys are able to pull all kinds of rabbits out of hats that you never taught them to pull out.

Chase

Balla's picture

Well chase, the girl I was talking about came in again today. We crossed paths locked eyes then I approached her and asked how's she was, she said "good" very quickly and quietly, then I asked after if she needed help then she said something I couldn't hear while not making eye contact with me.

She looked more afraid of me or intimidated, she looked like she was in a hurry, I was calm and not alarming with my speech, but I am tall, muscular, and have a deep voice so I guessed that was too much for her?

I'd still like if you answered the questions from my first comment so I can know for other girls.

Let me know what I could of done better, was she shy and afraid or uninterested?

Thanks

Author
Chase Amante's picture

Balla-

If she looked afraid or intimidated, then that's probably what it was. Especially if you're a bigger guy, women can get really nervous around you if they think you've been checking them out but not saying or doing anything; e.g., a bigger guy comes up and introduces himself and is witty and charming and disarming right away, and now whenever she sees him she's at ease and smiling. But, a bigger guy comes by, and she knows he was looking at her... then she sees him again, and he only pings her with something like, "How you doing?" and she's going to start to fear that 'here's a guy who isn't very good with people but IS checking me out', and big guys who like you as a girl but who aren't very good with people themselves can be dangerous guys.

I'd just make it a point that when you see women you like, you approach them right away, or make absolutely sure they don't see you checking them out (and women are a lot more aware of this than you might think - it's all in the peripheral vision) if you must do it later.

Chase

V's picture

Chase, please tell me how i had a great night, it made me laugh when I read that because I felt the total opposite.

Also, how do you become successful so that when you get older you can get the girls?

What are examples of being successful besides being an athlete, entertainer, business owner?

I guess getting a degree and working until you're 50 is not successful for them?

Thank You!!!

Author
Chase Amante's picture

V-

When I made that comment, I just meant that you took a beating and kept on going. Those are the nights that are hard as heck when you go through them, but give you rhinoceros skin with handling social rejection once you've piled up enough of them.

Success as an older man can depend on what you're doing, but the easiest proxy for success is money, of course. If you're going to take the conventional route, you CAN get there, but just like anything else, you've got to hustle. If you're a 50-year-old business executive with a nice place and who's attractive and in-shape and energetic still, even much younger women will find you very enticing. If, on the other hand, you're a mere middle manager at 50, with a beer gut and sloppy working man attire, you're going to struggle with women younger than 4 or 5 years your junior.

Chase

Velour's picture

That last line in the article was hilarious. Gnarly grin at the cute young nurse indeed.

Wolf's picture

What up Chase, I want to know a little more about club game. Here are my questions.

1. I know you said red is an attractive color, should I wear that all the time in the club? What other colors should I wear? Should I not wear black? im a dark skinned fellow.

2. My game is more physical, I like to grind then talk, problem with that is it could be hit or miss more than talking, I usually try to pull girls to me to dance, or Ill push on them from behind, how's that sound?

3. Should I ever ask girls to dance or command them to? Or should my dance game be non verbal?

4. In your fashion article, you said you wear button ups, its extremely hot where im at and ill look like a sweating pig if I wear that. How do you feel about polo shirts and t-shirts? Which one should I wear?

5. What should be my body language in the club, how should I be standing, dancing, facial expression?

6. The most important question, how do I get girls looking at me, what do I have to do to stand out, to make them notice me while they're getting chased by all these lame guys?

7. Last how do you tell when girls are looking at you without scanning? I remember you stating scanning is bad, but my peripheral vision isn't that good.

That's it for now, thanks for the help chase.

Author
Chase Amante's picture

Wolf-

You usually want something bright to offset your skin color if you're dark skinned. My black friends who were good with women would go out in white button-down shirts, or a light olive t-shirt with a light tan blazer, etc. If you're going to wear black, make sure you have very bright colors to contrast with it - e.g., white.

Grinding I don't like - I've never known anyone who was very good with women who used grinding. I'm sure it's not impossible - there are ways to make anything work -
but grinding itself is simulated sex, and girls seem to get off a lot of the time on "exciting" men - "Ha ha ha, I got another one all hot and bothered!" I'd suggest these articles on dance floor game:

Polo shirts are okay; t-shirts I'd avoid altogether. Even if every other guy present is wearing these, don't go that route. Even if you have a really cool t-shirt, it just makes you look very young and not very respectable / like an authority figure.

Body language - see these articles:

Getting noticed is a combination of the body language articles, your fashion sense, your positioning in the club (are you in a very noticeable, high traffic area? Or are you tucked away in a corner somewhere?), and anything else you've got going on (big muscles, attractive hair, attractive facial hair, a naturally good-looking face, etc.). Preselection, social proof, and conspicuous consumption all play very large roles in getting noticed too. Also see this article: "Tactics Tuesdays: Get Approached by Women."

Re: peripheral vision - it's just something you've got to train up! Practice makes perfect.

Chase

V's picture

I hear girls can smell your fear and reject you, even if you act confident, they can smell your fear and dismiss you. What is one to do if you're nervous and want to hide it?

Thank you!!!!

Author
Chase Amante's picture

V-

What they smell is cortisol, a stress hormone your body secretes and that can be detected by those around you (and makes them jittery and uncomfortable too). For what to do about that one, see this article:

"Having a Male Scent That Fills Women with Lust"

Chase

Anonymous's picture

Hi Chase

As always good article. Regarding self defence you will never be able too easily and comfortable defend yourself against someone that pulls a weapon, unless you have a weapon yourself. Even then it´s no lapdance, because suddenly fighting turns into warfare. My recommendation when someone pulls a weapon is to arm yourself or run away. But a very good source if you want´t to learn how to fight an unarmed opponent is this website http://howtofightnow.com/. Hope they are of some use!

Best regards Anon!

Author
Chase Amante's picture

Anon-

Thanks for the link; I'll check it out. I've been learning knife and gun disarms in class recently, but indeed, the top recommendation is if you see someone pulling these out at a distance, and you have a chance to get away, then get away. The disarms are apparently the "shiny" stuff that people always want to learn, but are very difficult to pull off in a live situation, with the counterattacks and getting out of the attack channel the most important parts.

Chase

Balla's picture

This girl I work with was staring at me full force? It was like this, she was staring at me then I noticed and stared back, I had my sexy face on but I didn't smile and neither did she, after that I looked towards the right because I was just so shocked she was doing this to me in front of people and I never spoke to this girl for the months we worked together. After I looked away, we kept stealing glances of each other, basically she'd look at me then I'd catch her and she looked away like 3 times, each different, one was looking to tbe side, two was looking up, and three was looking down.

It's just kinda weird to me because I never talked to her.

My Question is...... Does SHE WANT THIS DICK!!!!!?

P.s. How do I seduce my bosses and sleep with them?

Thanks

Author
Chase Amante's picture

Balla-

It sounds like she might - you should go flirt with her and ask her out (and make it happen)!

Bosses - I've only ever had one attractive female boss, and sort of lost interest in sleeping with her when she started seeing some broke guy whom she made drive her to work every day and who mostly just hung around the office with her. So this isn't one where I have much experience - but, I'll put it down in the article queue for someone more knowledgeable than me in that arena to pick up and write something on!

Chase

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