GIRLS CHASE MONTHLY SUBSCRIPTION
• Unlimited access to GirlsChase.com
In a comment on my article about unclear value to a long-term girlfriend,
a reader named Xander remarked as follows:
“Can you believe that because of this I can never get a girl. I’m good looking guy, and I’ve been successful on college. I don’t write this because I think look and post bachelor title will get me girls, but because I try to seduce them, and because of this qualities they don’t like me. I’m not arrogant and have a lot of male friends. But girls don’t like me, and wouldn’t go on date with me to save their lives. Problem is that girls with lower ambitions wouldn’t go with be because of attainability, and girls who are a bit ambitious also don’t want, because they want someone less ambitious who they control and feel dominant around him. The biggest problem is my success at college, and my normal ambition to be good at my job and further education. So I can’t be their boyfriend because I equally want to provide me and them, or their lover because girls here clever guys treat like they don’t have a cock. Global crisis hit us and a lot of girls are in found provider mode, and they are too picky and only wants to date man who is completely same as they in all possible things. And as you know it’s impossible, they find one provider and eventually marry him. I realized that being good at science is one way ticket to auto-rejection.
Reading your article I realized that in all world women want compatible man, but here it is more than dramatic. Those are modern times and I think that women should be more flexible.
My problem is because I tried everything I could and did’t get results because of their ego. I know I shouldn’t but I started to really hate women because of their ego who is bigger than Mount Everest.
At one point I gave up from seduction, but this article tells me that maybe there is a chance. Please tell me Chase are there more things I can do or change so I could get better results? If you know some psychological books that treat problems about ego please tell me. Is there something in seduction I should focus more? I focused on social calibration and got a lot of male friends, but women still don’t like me because maybe I’m not calibrated enough, and for sure because they don’t like anyone who has evan a little bit value than they. Every answers, comments and critics are welcome.”
While long-term value is definitely an important part of whether a woman is willing to stick around in a long-term relationship with you, its effect on actually lining up dates with women and getting them into bed is... murkier. That’s because it’s quite hard to sniff out your real, actual long-term value from a mere five or ten minutes of conversation.
So, while it might sound like Xander’s problem is the opposite that discussed in this article, where we talked about men who say women don’t want them because they aren’t valuable enough, in many ways it is in fact the same problem:
The man is focused on himself, the man... instead of on her, the woman.
Comments
I'm in love. haha
i knew you knew it all along. ;) But hey, that "me culture" is also quite pervasive. You must be forgiving! :D
Zac
Coming Back
Thank you for another insightful article Chase. I recently went through a break-up and while I was able to get through it emotionally well. I am having trouble getting back in the saddle of things. I am wondering if you can give us an article on how to rebuild your game after a break-up since all I have found on here are articles on how to get over an ex. Its just that next step I am finding myself in. I have found myself using my schooling to try and keep a girl around to continue talking to me but as I learned here, it was useless to do. I want to rediscover my old self that wasn't doing something like that back then. Thanks!
Re: Coming Back
Andres-
Just added it to the topic queue!
Chase
An article on interviews and ( exam pick up !? )
Hey chase !
That was an cool article. Since we are talking about what emotions we are providing.....i want her to be HORNY and excited!.....( have read your article....women as sex objective......and right now working on that )
1. I had exam today, there was a teacher ....at first I wasn't so impressed by her face but I say ....the hell with it ...and started to imagining all dirty things I could do and all. She was cute enough to bang ...so...i got horny. So, when she arrived to my table to sign the paper....i felt little sexually aroused when she was near .....was she feeling it too!!?. It was like fear, excitement, horny .
I wanted to be bold ....so when she was signing the paper of the guy on the right side of me ....her ass was almost touching my table ....she was leaning my side .....so, I touched her ass with my elbow like it was accidental....she moved little far from my reach ....okay..... . In the meanwhile I wad imagning every fucking thing I can imagine sexually......and whenever she was near ...i felt little sexuality.
but after touching her ass ....i felt like ....she was actually widening the distance ....like I was seated at the last bench on first row ....and for a good more than half an hour ...she was walking on other row....heck I thought to myself...i must've been too bold for her to handle it and felt a little bad for myself......but somehow convinced myself that I did what I had to ...
a little while later when I saw her correctly......it looks like she was nervous, hesitated. And now she was only walking in my row .
She even let me CHEAT ....n while I was cheating.....i talked to her a little bit ...it was going good . But man to be honest ...at that time I was way too much busy in completing my paper ...i wasn't prepared..haven't slept the whole last night .
but at the end I wanted to no. Close ......so....after giving her my paper I said thank you for letting me cheat .....it was bell time so she had to collect all the papers and was in too much of hurry . After that I said ....are you from this college....she didn't reply .....i stood there for a few second figuring what to do next .....she was with another teacher and they were counting the answer sheets and were arranging it ...so she was way too much busy for me to interrupt her ....so I decided to LEAVE . argh man .
this is not the first I failed to no. Close a teacher in exam .
there must be right way .....right !? . ....any advice for the next time !? ....and about the situation...what really happened....cause that's what I really want to know .
2. I don't know but ....i haven't seen any article on interviews here ....is there any article for that !? .
I have been on few interviews ....got selected , rejected .
here's what I've seen .....
- they always ask .....tell me something about yourself...( what's the right and best answer)
- why do you want to do this Job...why not that Job or something else.
- have any experience
- how much salary are you expecting. ( whenever I've been asked this question I was selected)
and other things like ....what to wear ( maybe depends on the what job you are looking) but I'm asking ....BASICS .
how to behave and all.
3 And hey ....one last thing man .
What does it really mean ....when you make eye contact with a girl and suddenly your heart skips a beat.....like you felt fear plus excitement...maybe little hesitant or nervous.
does she feels it too at the same time !!?.
it also happens to me when making eye contact with a girl you've talked earlier ( strange.....but it happens....doesn't it !? ) .
or when you and a girl touch accidentally and your hear gives a heavy beat .
what is it !? .
just a guy who wants to know more and explore.....cause I've just realized what life I can have ( beautiful) ;)
Keep up the good work coming....I'm learning a lot from this site ( goldmine )
Thanks
Interviews, Love at First Sight
Anonn-
Yeah, I’m sure there’s a way, but school’s not my specialty… couldn’t tell you what it is. You can certainly experiment; but do keep an eye on any potential consequences. Don’t go crazy and get yourself kicked out of school.
On interviews, check this post on the forum out:
How Can I Make Money Right Now?
As for that heart-skipping-a-beat thing, check out these articles – good chance it’s this:
Regarding it being mutual, well… I used to think it was always mutual, but just came across some research recently showing the feeling isn’t necessarily mutual, but the flirting is. So, you feel it and flirt hard, and she flirts back hard, even if she doesn’t quite feel it. Anyways, it’s fun either way (and definitely is a beautiful thing)!
Chase
A Realization
Recently I met this woman who I found physically attractive. In the first week, I enjoyed the newness, the thrill of the chase, the uncertainty of whether I'd be able to seduce my way into her heart and mind. Initially, I was excited because she was intelligent, beautiful, witty, and snarky. But the excitement lasted for only 15 days. As I am a busy person, I couldn't spend every moment with her, but it was apparent she wanted to be attached at the hip. So she gave chase due to my unavailability. I know she cared about me and logically I should have been flattered. But the way I interpreted her behavior was that she wanted to control my time and resources, demanding to know who I was with, wanting to know why I couldn't see her, etc.
The more she chased me, the more she took initiative to set up dates, the more repulsive she became to me, and eventually I lost all respect, and all interest. I felt the attraction draining out of my system and there was nothing I could do to stop it, no matter what I tried. It was so sad because she is a great woman with a great job, and she is very creative minded, and the sex was amazing. But one day I woke up holding her in my arms, and the only thought that came from my subconscious to my conscious mind was "what the fuck am I doing here?!!" I feel so bad because I broke her heart, but I had to get out of there. Even though I had what I thought I wanted in a woman and long-term partner, I lost interest and fast! This isn't unique to her...it's been happening for a while. The more they open up, the more they chase me, the harder they try to make things work (jester) I lose attraction. And I feel bad because I don't want to hurt any more women which is all I've ever done over the course of my seduction career.
Seduction isn't exciting for me anymore. Apathy has set in. I more or less know what will happen if spend enough time persisting thru a woman's tests. It's almost as if they need a savior from their mundane lives. When I was new and learning seduction, and rebuilding my mental models from the sewage and garbage on TV and in movies, it was an amazing time. I felt like I was 5 years old again and learning a new language. The uncertainty of whether or not my process would work was so exciting. But these days, after enough success with women, it's become mundane. All I do now is run my process, remain unemotional, have a devil may care attitude, and if things work good, if they don't then I have 5 more women in my phone to ping so no big deal.
But the biggest realization that I've had is the great responsibility that comes with seduction, which are a woman's feelings. Women look to me for leadership, I've realized that what I say, what I do affect greatly how they feel. And how women feel reigns supreme. They're looking to me to make them feel good.
This responsibility has given me pause. It's made be very much so selective on who I seduce because I don't want to end up hurting anyone (by losing interest). So I only go for those who light my heart aflutter
Has this happened to you? Any thoughts on what I could do?
The pattern you describe
The pattern you describe sounds like the Passion Trap. I haven't read the book yet though.
When Women Chase Too Much and Bore You
Breeze-
Yes, it’s a pretty typical part of the journey once you get to a certain stage. Might make good fodder for an article; I’ve noted this one down.
Once you go through a few girls you hurt like that, you more or less realize two things:
The easiest way to do #1 is by making sex happen faster and by taking more of a lover / bad boy tack. That way your actions reek of “I do this all the time and this is nothing special or different for me”, so she isn’t thinking ‘provider’ with you. Also, your behavior, the topics you discuss with her, the expectations you set with your sex (e.g., don’t let her spend the night), etc.
The easiest way to do #2 is to simply start not seeing women for more than one or two rolls in the hay unless they really interest or excite you for some reason. You’ll find most don’t, but you probably (hopefully) meet some who do. If you’re not, it may be your game is mismatched to your desires, or you’re meeting the wrong kinds of women and/or meeting women in the wrong kinds of places… or you might be aiming too low and only going for the layups instead of the women who really excited you.
But, more on that when I do an article on it!
Chase
Emotional reactions
Hi Chase,
an interesting article.
I gradually began to realize that pick up and seduction is primarily about handling emotions. That is why it is so difficult, you cannot handle it just through logical processing. I have always had difficulties with emotions. Now it is better, but still not enough. For example, quite often I feel insecure and do not know what to do or say when other people express their feelings (good or bad), especially if the feelings are more intense. So I usually behave like nothing happenned or do nothing or react in a rational way, which is not always appropriate to the situation.
Do you have some advice about it?
Thanks
Anonym
Re: Emotional Reactions
Anonym-
Sure, I can relate. There was a point when I wondered if I was too disconnected with my emotions or too unaware of what I was feeling at any given time, and often didn’t know the right way to respond to people in very emotional states (or would say or do the wrong thing… then feel bad about it later: “Whoops, that was really insensitive… damn, I shouldn’t have said that”).
When I treated my own depression I had to start meditating and being conscious of my own emotions, and that led to me really putting the thoughts in my head under a microscope. I started learning social skills at the same time, and so I’d find myself in emotionally awkward situations and what I did was to say, “Okay, that was an awkward situation. What should I do next time I’m in a similar situation?” So these days, if someone tells me about her childhood abuse, or parent that just died, or whatever, I have go-to responses that give me a basic framework I can then tailor the specific person’s situation (basically have a skeleton response, then fill it in with details from the conversation so it’s personal and not just some line you concocted and memorized).
Also, once you get into the habit of monitoring your own emotions, you can keep an eye out for feelings like insecurity and start to say, “Okay, I’m insecure. Why?” Once you figure it out, then you fix it: “Ah, okay. I was worried everyone was going to find out I didn’t have a lot of friends in college like they did and think I was a loser since college was such an important part of their lives apparently. Well, next time I’m in such a situation, I’ll ignore the topic if it’s only for a moment, but if it starts feeling like I’m the only guy there not bragging about my college exploits and it’s awkward how silent I’m being, I’ll just make a quick joke about how I was actually a recluse and ne’er-do-well in university or something to defuse the tension and explain my reticence.”
Basic process is:
Over time, as you encounter more and different types of situations, you build up a catalog of responses. Eventually you get good enough at coming up at responses that you can assess your emotions, evaluate the cause, and concoct a solution on the fly, so you essentially almost never encounter true awkwardness anymore, since you detect and resolve it as soon as it pops up.
Chase
Limitations of self improvement
Thank you Chase,
this seems to be a very important concept, that explains a lot of situations.
It makes me feel a bit sad though. Could it be that understanding social stuff too well, might make you more lonely, instead of more social?
A bit like the poor guy who worked hard to become rich and then realized that he had become alien to his former friends and maybe even family. The number of rich people is rather limited and the number of rich people with his background is even more limited.
In the end, don`t we all want to have long relationships in which we feel understood? To me it`s important that people like an image about myself, that comes close to how I view myself.
The more complex my frame becomes, the harder it becomes to make myself understood and attainable at the same time. My technical ability to micromanage others emotions has improved of course, but it doesn`t seem to be useful in longer interactions. People tend to feel uncomfortable, when they realize I can do that. It also makes me feel uncomfortable to do it unnoticed, because then I feel lonely.
In the end it becomes mostly a passive skill, that allows me to leave unhealthy situations faster.
With highly socially attuned people on the other hand interactions become very deep now. So maybe this is worth it once I manage to create a social life around people like these.
Could you write an article about loneliness?
Lonely at the Top?
runnings-
Yes, I can certainly see that happening.
Myself, I went from being a guy who had really very minimal social connections to a guy who now had girlfriends, close guy friends, all manner of networks and connections, etc. So I’ve kind of had the opposite journey.
On the other hand, I’ve seen how linking up with old friends can get you blank stares or awkward attempts by them to relate to you, or you to relate to them, where you just realize your lives are in completely different places.
One thing I’ve always done is seek out friends in similar pursuits to mine. When I was learning seduction, I spent a lot of time on a couple of pickup forums and made close friends with some pretty exceptional guys, scattered across the globe (some of them write for this site now, or have in the past). When I got into running my own business, I made it a point to make friends with other guys running their own businesses in similar lines of work (guys running other dating advice companies, or online businesses, or things of that ilk). This has always kept me pretty non-lonely.
You might benefit from looking more actively / aggressively for people who are a better match for where you are or where you’re going. It’s important as you advance to have increasingly high standards for the sort of people you bring into your life. This can even extend to what geographical areas you reside in – I’ve found I can’t stay in many places too long because the people there simply aren’t educated or ambitious enough for my tastes, or their foci in life are too different from my own. You can always find people who match you in any decently-sized place, but some areas are much harder to find good matches in than others.
You might also consider cultivating some means of expression: music, art, writing… something that allows you to put your thoughts down in one form or another and get them out instead of holding onto them, letting them echo about inside your dome.
Those’d be my two chief recommendations though: look for better-matched people to link up with… and find a medium for expression. Both help stave off loneliness immensely… or make it obsolete entirely.
Chase
Nice
Wow, Chase, was just thinking about this exact issue today. As many readers have pointed out, it's uncanny how often that happens. :)
So deep diving is needed just because it helps her feel connected and understood more deeply, not because it reveals some particularly deep facts about her? I feel that I learn most of the deep facts about her after we get romantically involved. But when I don't deep dive, it has often led to polite, awkward first dates, etc., so I'm realizing that it really is necessary...
Deep Diving's Benefits
M-
Yeah, it’s weird, huh? I think it’s just that sites get into a certain rhythm, and if you’re in tune with it you can get a sense for what ought to come next, whether you are a reader or a writer. That’s my going theory, anyway.
The facts deep diving digs up aren’t necessarily necessary, except as they can be used in callback or when she’s reminiscing on why she feels so connected to you (“Oh right, he knows I almost dropped out of university sophomore year… nobody knows that!”). However, the underlying motivations they uncover helps her to feel connected, and you to better tailor the courtship to what you know about her. e.g., you know her better, so you can better provide the kind of experience she’s in search of. It also makes her feel like you two must really be on the same wavelength if you are really this interested in her. Lots of good things on the emotional front.
Chase
Nice
Wow, Chase, was just thinking about this exact issue today. As many readers have pointed out, it's uncanny how often that happens. :)
So deep diving is needed just because it helps her feel connected and understood more deeply, not because it reveals some particularly deep facts about her? I feel that I learn most of the deep facts about her after we get romantically involved. But when I don't deep dive, it has often led to polite, awkward first dates, etc., so I'm realizing that it really is necessary...
nice article
i been lately thinkig about this also that i dont matter but how i make the girls feel
its like the "dont try to change her mind, try to change how she feels" theory
it would be really cool if you could give some examples or process
how you do this... the types of lines u use or
whats ur blueprint of that
thanks
Making Her Feel
Wonka-
Check out these articles:
Chase
Heading the right direction? / Reading logs
Dear Chase,
Just a little update on social skill.
I've been working really hard and I'm noticing a change in me that just happens.
I'm coming up stuff on the spot with girls lately.
It's like my process has turned into intuition instead of my mechnical thinking at "What do I say" compared to before.
You were talking about this before in your replies. Is this good?
Conversation runs smoothly (as long as she's contributing, I just get random leads to go on, small talk, banter, she's laughing, number close, or sexual banter, then connect, pull).
It's more effortless than before. I don't have to think about it.
I also noticed my logs are getting shorter and shorter because I can't remember the entire dialogue as well as before when I was putting effort into my responses. I could write up 5 pages of dialogue before! Now it's as if I wing it, come home and think back then can't come up with an actual structure I had, because there was none, especially when it went well. It's a lot more enjoyable now, the talks. It feels I'm actually there instead of in my head.
Sure, I did chase frame where it was appropriate, but now it's not deliberately planted and rather is spontaneous...and because everything isn't planted or thoughtout as I did before, I'm not getting down the nuances in my logs anymore.
I'm very scared, Chase if my process becomes dependent on feely.
What if one day I'm not feeling it, then I won't be able to pull game out at will?
It won't be in my control.
Lawliet
More Intuitive
Lawliet-
Yes, that's a great sign!
According to Jeff Hawkins' theory on how the mind works, and judging by my own experience and that of just about everyone else who discusses skill-building and learning, that's exactly what ought to be happening.
Don't worry about not having 100% mechanical control. You can practice that on your off days. But it's like a tennis player worrying about not being able to do everything 100% mechanically. It's impossible to - there are too many details to control. Like when you feel like a police officer is watching you hard and you try to walk 'normal', even if you know you're not guilty of anything... you can't help walking a little funny, because mechanical 'you' doesn't know how to totally consciously walk normal (and likely never will).
So, just let yourself learn intuitively, and when you go out on off days or feel off your game, you can practice doing things mechanically, though you'll never get as good as intuitive you. Treat your off days like backup days - those are the days when you improve your default, mechanical, worst-case-scenario baseline. The rest of the time is when you improve your natural most-of-the-time intuitive skill and ability.
Chase
triggering emotions
Hi Chase,
First thanks for the article, it explains a lot. I also think that emotions are the core of the seduction. However traveling to different countries I noticed some cultural differences among female population.
I have used the same lines in seduction for foreign women (French and Russian) and for my homeland women, and I noticed that from the begining with first group of women I got much warmer receptions and better results. I got their numbers in the first few minutes of conversation. I believe that maybe girls here are a little bit closed and colder than in some more developed parts of Europe.
So I want to ask is there more articles about how to really triger women's emotions? And how practically to do that? To warm up girls when they are naturally closed and make them feel. If not can you write some? Deep diving is good but it builds connention on first place, and I believe too much of it without emotions leads to friendzone. Also I noticed that sex talk can't always be used with closed girls. Somewhere I have read that good mood is contagious and if we feel happy or horny the girl will also be. Is that true?
Thanks again,
Xander
Quite Possibly, The Solution You're Looking For
Hey Xander,
In regards to your questions -
"are there more articles about how to really trigger women's emotions? how to practically do that? To warm up girls when they are naturally closed? Being in a good mood or feeling horny being contagious"
First off, great questions!
This site contains a plethora of fantastic and extremely useful articles on fundamentals, approaching, being sexy, emotional contagion, triggering emotions etc. If I was given the choice, and could only choose ONE article to suggest. One method/area of Seduction for you to focus on, to Master at all costs: In my opinion it would absolutely, no questions asked, be:
Quite possibly the most simple, yet powerfully effective weapon one can add to his arsenal.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Chase mentions-"This is the one thing in common across every guy I’ve ever met who’s good with girls, whether he’s black, white, Asian, Indian, smart, dumb, rich, poor, short, tall, crazy handsome, or crazy ugly: the man is COOL."
- As a black guy, I 100% agree with this statement and would like to add that the ONE other thing that has been a complete game changer for me personally is Elite Eye Contact
From prejudiced women shaped by their racially bias upbringing in the heart of Dixie, or bourgeois Thai women on the shores of Pattaya, to Harvard-educated Gynecologist - None of these women saw race or status in me (some couldn't even comprehend english): Instead, they saw my EYES. They felt the emotion conveyed by my eye contact. More specifically, by staring into the Right Eye (her right eye on your left, looking at her face-to-face) I've been able to instill a Strong & Powerful Sexual Feeling/Emotion within her, immediately upon meeting a girl.
Xander, I believe that this can be an immensely helpful tool for you and hopefully solve some of the issues you're encountering.
Honestly, I never would have known any of this had I not read the eye contact articles by Chase. By keeping conversation to a minimum and using strong, piercing and Sexy Eye Contact instead - my life has completely changed. It doesn't matter if the girl is cold, foreign, black, white, rural, conservative, bat shit crazy, closed off or a liberal Maltese loving super model - Her Eyes are the "Window to Her Soul".
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Also, I saw previously that you mentioned that you lived in Southern Europe. Not sure if this would help or not but in Chase's article 29 Things That Make a Woman Resist or Rebuff You he mentions:
"Some places feature greater difficulty securing mates for men than others. For instance, it’s easier for the average Western man to succeed with women in Eastern Europe than it is for him to do so in Southern Europe, largely because the men in Southern Europe are much more aggressive than the men in Eastern Europe are, so Southern European women tend to be much more guarded than Eastern European women are. This is an environmental trigger for women’s walls to raise and their defenses to go up.
Which means, women resist you more in these places, and rebuff you more.
The most expedient solution for difficult locations is to find somewhere it’s easier– i.e., change venues (or cities, or countries) to a place where women are not so guarded. Each woman becomes less work to bed or take as a girlfriend, which means it’s easier for you to take more and higher quality lovers."
Hope this helps. Just keep a relentless sense of urgency, fanatical attention to detail, a ridiculous work ethic combined with obsessive passion and YOU WILL SUCCEED in Mastering Seduction! Good luck on the journey man!!!
- Dustin
so elaborate dustin! Great
so elaborate dustin! Great stuff!
I was looking forward to hear from you again for my comments!
thanksgiving
Hi Dustin,
Thanks a lot because you support me. Few times I was thinking about giving up, but I see there are good people who support me. I agree with you for eye contact. I definitely will use it more frequently. I also agree with Davido when he says that her frame is threatened. That is absolutely correct. Another big problem here is that girls here are provider oriented and barely go to dates with man who doesn't have completely same personality, life views, etc. as she. They only want to date potential husbands. When I write this nobody believes me. It's much harder here to go on one simple date than in the most European countries, not to mention North America. Mix it all with not triggering women emotions and result is not good. I know Chase will find a solution for this.
Thanks again,
Cagey Local Women
Xander-
What country is this, if you don’t mind sharing? Or if you do, no biggie. Sounds like Eastern Europe somewhere?
Anyway, yeah – Dustin really nailed it in that comment.
My advice is focus on fundamentals, vibe, and nonverbals first and foremost. Words not working becomes much less of a problem if you can make her feel attracted to you the moment you walk up, before you’ve even parted your lips.
Also, women in your home country will usually be less receptive to you than women you meet abroad. Simply because when you’re operating internationally, you’re instantly different, whereas when you’re back home you’re just another local guy and she’s meet hundreds of men like you before (so she thinks), which means it’s an uphill battle to convince her you are, in fact, “not like all the other guys”. Great fundamentals help you win that battle – that way before you even say anything, she’s saying to herself: “This guy’s different.”
In addition to the articles from Dustin, I might recommend giving these a gander:
I can’t comment on the provider orientation since I don’t know the locale or what kind of women you’re meeting them / where you’re meeting them / how you’re approaching them. Though bear in mind, when you travel, you instantly get a kick into lover land even if you have some provider qualities, since naturally you won’t be sticking around. When you’re back home, it’s easier to accidentally come across as a provider with women since you’re from there and somewhat stable by default, especially if you have a good job or other attractive provider qualities. A big part of the reason I had to start identifying as a writer and traveler, plus hiding my Mercedes from girls, back when I still had a 9-to-5, was no matter how sexy I made myself, local women still treated me like a provider much of the time if they knew I had a good job, nice car, etc.
Chase
local women
Hi Chase,
I have lived in almost all states in The Balkan Peninsula. Women here are significantly different than in the rest of Europe. In the most cases cold aproach won't work here no matter what, because women aren't used to be aproached. A lot of men don't have courage to aproach and a lot of women don't have emotions to react good at aproach.
So women operate via social circle, and a lot of men are put in the provider role. I believe women here have some problems with themselves that don't let them to open up to someone or express feelings.
The strongest emotion they can feel here is THEIR INTEREST. They are interest oriented and only search in man does he have what is necessary to satisfy their current expectations. One divorced women 18 years didn't have sex because she thought nobody is good enough. Is that normal?
These are main reasons why men can't seduce girls here and why most of the seducation techniques that work in some other parts of world don't work here. I feel free from time to time to ask you aditional questions on this topic because this requires expert solutions. Can you sometimes write articles about how to game girls that only care about their interest?
Thanks again,
Girls in the Balkans
Xander-
Oh, you’re in the Balkans? I adore the Balkans. I expect to be there again in May. Actually, a big part of why I like them is that the girls are just gorgeous and the guys are scared to approach. You get some cold receptions there, but plenty of warm ones too… same as anywhere. I have a few friends who feel similarly.
The women do have a somewhat cagey / emotionally closed-off disposition, but personally I like women like that. I think it’s cute, plus it’s fun to bring them out of their shells. And when you get them reacting excited / emotional with you, it’s just this big shock for them because they aren’t used to feeling that way. That said, you need a certain kind of warm, bold, enthusiastic approach to do that, and I can see that not being the most natural thing for a guy who’s from there. It’s sort of a big frame battle I suppose (which is what makes it fun in my opinion – subsuming her strong frame beneath your stronger one).
I will note it down in the topics list though – the closed vs. open frame battle you can encounter from women of more reserved backgrounds who aren’t used to interacting with strangers as much.
Chase
new or new nickname?
Hey man, personal curiosity, are you new on the boards or did you change your nickname, your background sounds familiar..
answer
No man, I'm not new and I haven't changed my nickname. You confused me with somebody else. ;)
Her frame is threatened
I believe the science guy's problem is that when a girl feels her frame is been threatened rather than give you shit tests, she bails out and that leaves you wondering what you did wrong. A girls frame maybe threatened base on the guys high status or value especially if you don't appear to her as a sugar daddy but a potential boyfriend. If you look way hotter than the girl that might be a problem also.
Also try and attract girls or pick up girls who fall into your life style, maybe it's gonna be way more easier, than say a science student trying to attract rock and roll.
I picked up a Swedish rock and roll girl from the club, we had great sex many times and because she is so slim and hot, I wanted to keep her longer, but guess what she finally hooked up with a rock and roll guy who look so unkempt that made me scratching my head like wtf. With this example you can see for yourself that girls may not give you a chance if they don't see you belonging to there sub culture and even if you did have sex with them, keeping them may be hard.
The guy that wrote about Learning seduction and been good with all the tricks in the book may cause you to become more lonely, you are so right..if I know the trick and you know the trick, we gonna game ourselves making social interaction hard and natural, one very big reason I noticed that is the cause of divorce rate been higher here in europe than in Africa. In Africa seduction is still kind of natural, not many of us know about 'the game' and when an African girl does something wrong she apologizes genuinely so the relationship could go on and the guys forgive them passionately, but here in Europe nobody says sorry because of ego, so you can't have two captains in a boat.
This website is very good as it will help you to reduce or eliminate lost opportunities with women. When I moved to Sweden newly girls within 1 minute of opening would say to me in Swedish 'jag måste gör nu' meaning I must go now. But after two years, it's funny even before I learned about game, that changed...more like they could sense that I was no longer a fresher, they would stay longer and chit chat in day game, but I ran into a problem that was a sticking point a long time till God brought Girlschase to my table. The sticking point was I was over gaming, I could hold a lengthy conversation with girls right in the middle of winter outside in this Scandinavian cold and it's funny the girls would chat and chat and chat, I was staying just at one spot and not moving things forwrad, attraction dies out and I entered into auto rejection, you know all the banter, spiking and sexual innuendos that I did to get her all warmed up in her pussy in the middle of winter did not translate into sex for her, so she gives her number and flakes. Then i changed format and started moving them, most times straight to theirs, it's amazing what a simple 'look it's cold here and am freezing lets go to your place for coffee' could do.
As per the French and Russian girls, European women generally are sexually more open if your game is tight, since 95% of the guys are not gaming anyway. When I go out clubbing here, hahahahaha only 2% of the girls are able to hook up, the other 98% go home alone.
That guy who has his game to a whole new level and now fears to break the heart of unsuspecting women, I swear I envy you...hahah
Hi Dustin, I love how you
Hi Dustin, I love how you guys write here, it's very easy to understand in lay mans language for people who don't have English has mother tongue.
Environment is a factor, just like in agriculture. You don't plant tomatoes in a land meant for coco yam.
I noticed it's more difficult for me to game here in Northern Europe since am urban and do not fit into any of the positive stereotypes. As a matter of fact I have been reading local blogs here where they discussed picking urban/black guys home, and one of the biggest fears 98% of the females raised is hiv AIDS and some few say they don't find black guys attractive, fair enough I am a dogged guy, I had the cutest baby boy with a stunning 8 or 9 here...hahahaha, my friends wonder how I was able to pull that. Well Northern Europeans are generally more prejudiced, that a Swedish looks down on a Danish or Norwegain even though they all Nordics.
As per sexy eye contact, I think it's the number one tool in seduction. I met a cute blonde girl here who dressed up in a typical Scandinavian winter wear just to buy 10kr milk at the store, I gamed her for like 1hr same spot....I know bad game, I followed her home up to her door but she would let me in because she said her place was in a mess, I stopped Banting and chatting and looked deep into her eyes, she started breathing heavily more like moaning, I was shocked, she was touching her lips, once I noticed that I looked her even way more morally corrupted, I noticed her eyes dilating, like they changed from the girl I met 1 hour ago. Although I was not able to bed her, but just to let you know eye contact way better than long speech.
Second scenario after I realized power of eye contact, long story short I ran into her when I was visiting a Ph.D. Friend on campus, followed her home, this girl made me wait outside for like 10mins just to tidy up her place before she let me in,, that was a good sign she was DTF, a white chick with the best ass I have ever seen, after chit chat and coffee, I went for the sexy eye contact, it rattled her frame, she was looking at my lips and because her frame was threatened she then said she was feeling a little bit uncomfortable, it was a complete shit test I didn't recognize at the time. She de framed me and I deactivated my sexy eye contact, we went on talking for like 1 hour more until her friend called her on phone, she said we could meet another time, gave me her number and then flaked.
Maybe I should have thrown her the shit test before she did, something like 'just giving me those naughty girl look will not make me go down on you'....with tongue in cheek, she would be the one defending my accusation and bam I hold the frame and go in for the kiss little bit later.
Do the eye contact in a sexy way and she knows shit is about to go down. I remember I also lost a girl with nice eye contact that conveyed the message, when i wanted to go for the kiss she gave me her cheek and hug side way not full booby hug and she said its too early I have only met you for 15mins when in fact we've been talking for like 1hr 20 mins, I number closed her thinking this was a lay for another day and then she flaked. Seduction is a dirty game, don't be scared to get little dirty on the field, once you pass the shit test and lay her, she hooks.
I have a cute girl I have been banging for like 2 hrs now because when the window of opportunity came I was not found wanting, now she is doing all her best to keep me.
Hey Davido
Hey man, sounds like you're Nigerian. The name you used was a giveaway (if I'm right). I've always thought it would be awesome to have fellow Nigerians here on GC (it would be more awesome if they were on the GC boards where I frequent), and probably a blessing if they were currently in Nigeria (where I am). I see you're slaying in different parts of Europe. Traveling around the world has always been my dream and I'm working towards it (It will probably take a while though). Cheers bro!
Chase, I'm not sure how to
Chase, I'm not sure how to directly contact you via email, so I thought I'd just comment on here. In the past you've written about "How To Hook Up With Lesbian's" and slightly dabbled on "Fake Lesbians" But I've never really seen you or anyone else comment on the background of Lesbians, or why "Fake Lesbian's" refer to themselves as such. I would love to hear back from you or maybe even see a blog post on why people refer to themselves as Lesbians and such. Is it due to past experiences in their lives that have made them label themselves as such? I've read interesting posts in the past that has gone in depth about this topic wit some very surprising information and would love to hear about if coming from you
MK
'Fake Lesbians'
MK-
Well, “fake lesbians” don’t actually refer to themselves as “fake lesbians”! They just call themselves lesbians, or bisexual, until they get older, decide they like penis again, and eventually get married to men and become mothers. Then that prior period when they used to swear up and down they were fully lesbian or would never date a man gets written off with a chuckle as youthful experimentation.
It seems to come about primarily in university settings. Nearly all the women I meet who qualify for this are university educated (or often still gals in university). It’s pretty rare to meet uneducated lesbian working class women, in my experience, and most of the ones you do meet will be full on “real” lesbians (i.e., butch lesbians). Very few non-university-educated working class femmes. It mostly seems to be because Western universities are bastions of feminism, which was begun by lesbian radicals in the 1960s and still has a strong strain of pro-lesbian ideology, likely because many of its most outspoken representatives are self-professed bisexual / lesbian / cis-trans-pan-whatever-prefix thing. That, coupled with an apparently natural tendency toward bisexuality among all women (here’s some research; there’s a bunch more out there on this), seems to make lesbianism seem like an enticing option to certain disaffected women unhappy with their position in the sexual marketplace (i.e., they’re unsatisfied with the men they get, so get angry at men and turn to lesbianism, which seems like an acceptable or even preferable alternative).
Then, once they try it… well, a lot of men suck in bed. Many young women have not learned how to orgasm yet, either. While the women who turn previously heterosexual women into lesbians tend to be experienced with lesbianism (e.g., it’s not two girls who’ve never been with girls before experimenting with each other – it’s an experienced girl and an inexperienced girl), and you get a woman experiencing her first orgasms via the tip of another girl’s tongue. That’s enough to keep her going back to women for a while – all her experiences with men have been disappointing, while the ones she’s had with women have been wonderful.
Then she graduates from university, gets out in to the real world, and starts wanting to try men again, and also notices that as she’s gotten older, the men have grown more attractive, more mature, more confident, and more sexually experienced, and they begin to seem more interesting to her again. She tries a guy, it’s fun, and pretty soon she’s back to being mostly heterosexual again (save perhaps a few threesomes here and there).
Anyway, that seems to be the trajectory many of them take, from what I’ve observed.
Chase
Why Bother?
This article seems to suggest that women care more about what you can do for them and how those actions make them feel vs what they can do for you. It's very much important about what they deduce they can get if they stick around with you. Is this correct? If so, how does this sentiment vary by country and across the world? If this is correct, then why should men pursue women at all when ultimately all he is to a woman is a talking dildo?
Value
Enlightened-
Wasn't sure if you missed the point of the article, or skimmed over the discussion at around about when connections become "real" and she will start to truly care for you (and you her). If that's the case, Ctrl+F and go to "how well can you know someone in five minutes?"
If your point is actually that you expect others to immediately know you, care for you, and prioritize your needs over theirs on first meet, I've used your comment as inspiration for this article:
"Nobody Owes You Nothin’"
Chase
Hey chase ,
Hey chase ,
Your articles are something of heroine to me and I'm grateful but I'm in a bit of a bind
I'm 17(Drinking age is 18 here) and in college and I have my fundamentals down right and I notice women checking me out all the time but here's the thing it's at the gym . I tried one of these women once but she ended being cold .Most my cold approaches haven't ended well and reading your articles I know what I did wrong but in terms of sniper game ( as you said these days I'm one of the guys who notices but doesn't act) , what do I do here ? Nobody wants to be that guy who runs round failing with women at the gym . I need a process for this and also consider I'm not at the gym to meet women I'm actually working out so I can't just do an approach and make sharp exit
Please help CHASE, other suggestions also welcome
Yours truly
CHASEHELP
Gym Game
CH-
I don’t recommend you try the gym until you’re fairly experienced with cold approach. That’s a combination of “don’t crap where you eat” plus the lower turnover of a gym environment.
I’d suggest you stick with daytime cold approach for now: streets, shops, grocery stores, cafés, malls.
Then, once you’ve built up a little skill, you can come back and try the gym again. I assume you’ve read this article on gym game… but if not, give it a look and try it out.
But yes, girls will be cold with you sometimes. That’s just what happens. This improves as you do, but it’s to be expected. Just have to shake it off and meet someone else.
Chase
My secret
I wanted to share in here something I've always been too embarrassed to share in reality. There is this painful truth about myself I need to admit, I am intelectually limited. I am well educated and I work in corporate trainings and Im pulling off finances well but these are all things I learned hard in life to achieve. However, I oftentimes struggle with everyday life situations as I find the easiest tasks challenging. When I was at school at age of 15 I had to undergo IQ tests due to my asthma and basing on my result the teacher told my parents that my IQ is very not to say below average and my intelectual powers are limited. All I remember from the session is that I actually was trying to do so well that I couldn't focus on the actual questions. I have never been laughed at or mocked but I was kind of marked down as slow and not very bright.
Many years later when I was at uni I decided to go move out of my town for holiday and started working as a waiter. It is experience I still regret having. I don't know why but what was the easiest thing in the world for others turned out to be undoable for me. I kept messing up eveything, tables, customers, the easiest orders. I was a laughing stock of the restaurant. I was so nervous about doing the right things that I messed up tables even when there were only 4 people inside. The manager said officially that I would no longer work here because I am stupid. I tried a couple of other jobs later on but got a similar effect. I couldn't do the easiest things with people around watching my hands.
The worst thing about it is that I have always been able to make a good first impression and I can navigate socially reasonably well and Im not bad looking and people were always willing to give me this credit and I always disappointed them. Some time ago, I managed to set up my own training business and all my clients think that I am highly intelligent guy... I am good at this particular field as I studied this field and it is not a resultant of my intelect but years of hard work. I hate to even imagine that they can ever find out about my other jobs expierence... and how I cope in other outside work environment.
My biggest problem with women is that they sooner or later get to know me. The initial impression I make is great and my ex wife was a high calliber woman both in looks and smarts. And this marriage didnt last a year. And nothing that terrible happened, she couldn't even pinpoint why she stopped loving me.
And it is a secret I no longer know how to hide from women. I developed this awful inferiority complex, even when Im dating a girl I have this thought at the back of my head that anyone else who bumps into her will be far better than me.
I can't force myself to date less intelligent women though... as I am well read, articulate, I'm interested in art, culture, I enjoy good, deep conversations about psychology, people, life but... then I drive a car and I have no idea where I am, no sense of directions.
When I go sightseeing I lose track, in simple everyday activities I become over dependent on my partner and they lose respect.
It is really hard sometimes as you see the look on folks faces which says - oh my god I had this mind blowing conversation with him the other day about x and y and now I can't belive he's acting like an idiot. And I can't help it Chase, what's wrong with me? I have a feeling that my all channels in brain are blocked and suddenly I can't think of or do anything that is smart or correct even in ridiculously easy things. Where does it come from?
Being bright and smart is incredibly important with girls as you progress. You can be ugly, not well off but will do all right if you show you are a legitimately smart leader.
How to keep this secret and how to act in embarassing situations, I often ask myself.
Slow Thinker / Easily Confused
Darkee-
Interesting problem. I’m sure you can find some kind of diagnosis for whatever your particular issue is, since they have diagnoses for pretty much everything these days.
But it sounds to me like you simply don’t handle pressure well and your mind works slowly. That I can relate to; I’ve found I’m usually considered smart and quick-witted among most folks, but I take to surrounding myself with some pretty bright people and I’ve on more than a few occasions found myself in conversations with exceptionally intelligent, highly charismatic men who were running laps around me (which will happen if you roll with high functioning psychopaths, which I was at the time).
At one point, one of these guys started pushing me to answer something faster, and my other friend there said, “Give Chase a moment, he thinks slowly.” I kind of looked at him like, seriously? I mean, you know, I suppose that’s true, at least compared to you two, but man, I kind of feel like a dunce for a moment there.
Anyway, the way I dealt with that situation was to own it and say okay, these guys think faster than I think; I can’t beat them with speed. So what I will do is make careful, measured responses, take my time to think things through, and hold my own with them that way. And that worked. And with time, I eventually started thinking and responding quicker and eventually could operate closer to their level of speed-of-thought.
I learned after that and other experiences that should I find myself with someone pushing me for a rapid decision on something I could not decide on rapidly without rushing (and making a crud decision, courtesy said rushing), I’d just tell them wait, hold on a second, I can’t think with you shouting in my ear, just relax for a moment and I will consider it. I actually had a very intelligent, highly educated girlfriend who repeatedly caught me in logical blunders and would always push me for quick decisions on things I needed to thought through who thought I was a dunce for a while… I had to repeatedly reassure her I’d had a good job, went to a good school, had a high IQ, etc. Eventually we had enough conversations where I caught her in logical blunders as well, out-logic’ed her sometimes, taught her stuff on various topics, etc., that she decided that wow, I actually WAS a pretty smart guy after all. Not sure if that’s a perfect parallel with your situation, but the strategy behind it might be helpful.
Another thing you might do is just use more upfront humility. Instead of trying to hide your slow brain or low natural intellect, just tell people: “Actually, I’m really dumb on a lot of things, totally lacking in common sense, and think North is South and South is East. I can’t even navigate a city block half the time. The only reason I seem smart is because I’m well-read and a hard studier. I’m really kind of an absent-minded professor most of the time.”
I think I’d just adopt an absent-minded professor persona if I was you and portray myself that way; good in my sphere, but crap outside of it. This way, you’re setting the expectations low (which makes it easier to exceed them, and for folks/women to say, “Well, you’re not THAT bad – see!”), and also owning it, which shows confidence and that you aren’t worried this is a handicap at all.
Chase
Mindset
Hey Chase, im trying to do club game and it is very hit or miss, which sucks. I'm still the guy who likes to get dances, I just like to do it. Basically that's how I get my girls, I don't like talking much. The point of my article is that when I'm in the club I feel just like a number, which everyone is in a sense. I feel that I have to be a famous person, popular in the town, or buy the bar out to get girls to come to me and open a majority of the time.
I feel unimportant and feel I have to have one of said things on my side to succeed in clubs. I don't want to rely on that, I want to change my mindset and make myself better for the club.
What mindset do I develop? How should i think of myself in the club? How aggressive do I have to be? How should I act in the club?
I'm trying to find out how should I feel about myself when doing this to give me the confidence I need, I just need the right train of thought.
Also tell me if my game is bad with the dancing, I rememberyou saying to talk in the club, but kind of hard to do that with loud ass music. So how do i pull that off in the club? How do i get girls in the club?
Thanks
Clubs, Edge, and Change
SZ-
Well, the type of venue is highly important:
Some places just aren’t very good for meeting women, and are more for dancing/etc. There are styles of aggressive sexual escalation on dance floors and whatnot… I’ll do that occasionally, but it’s not much my style and I try to avoid it if possible. You may want to check out some of Alek’s articles if it interests you:
As for standing out in the nightclub, again, depends on the place. The really big, loud, packed, opened places, it’s extremely difficult to. You can try peacocking, but in the really packed mega clubs (which I kind of suspect are the places you’re going), you have to peacock pretty outrageously to standout enough to not be “just another number”, as you put it. Instead, I suggest dressing well and finding a niche where you don’t feel like a number.
On being a bad ass, see these articles:
As for changing others’ impressions of you… well, two ways:
Spend enough time around them as the new you that they adapt, or
Go have a transformative experience (like meditating on a mountain for 6 months), then come back and announce you’ve completely changed and are a different man now
Even with option #2, there will still be some skepticism you’ve really changed, at least until enough time has passed. The only true formula for impression evolution is to change, and let people see the new you over a long enough period of time that they realize it’s real and it’s not going anywhere.
Chase
Bad Ass/Bad Boy
Chase, think you can give me some tips and make an article on being a bad ass ?
I know you made one on not being a nice guy, but i feel there is more when being a bad ass.
I feel it has more to do with confrontation. Hell, a lot of confrontation. I feel there is more to being a bad ass. What more can we do to really be bad assess with out breaking the law of course?
The Strong Silent Guy = Inflexibility?
Chase,
This is just so topical.
Just yesterday I was having a conversation with other seducers about why getting mediocre-looking girls is so much easier than one's own dream girls.
I am still at a plateau where I have general abundance with women, but not absolute abundance. I am still having difficulty getting in bed with the women I find most attractive. I manage to get numbers, maybe get some dates and a kiss here and there, but overal these women remain out of my life still.
My assumption is I am trapped into the "strong silent guy" identity. While I have a shamelessly penetrative look and a mysterious vibe, I rarely smile, if ever. I am less loose than other seducers and I don't dance. While this style of mine attracts some women very quickly, it doesn't really work for the great majority of women who might need to feel more at ease before they surrender themselves to me.
On the contrary, some friends of mine who smile like stupid and dance like monkeys, with humble egos and a let-go attitude seem to be more able to get the women I consider hot.
How can I enrich my own style of the "strong silent guy", without losing myself, so as to be a man of wider-range success with women and therefore more flexible?
Smiling
Sam-
Hmm, well, are you playful with women?
Flirting’s a big part of the game. The back-and-forth teasing of will-he-or-won’t-he is a major part of what intrigues women with a man.
I *suspect* if you’re not smiling enough, you’re probably also not flirting enough, and that’s going to limit the women you can attract.
Smiling’s actually one of the base pieces of advice you give to new guys as an in-field coach. You take guys out, and you have to keep reminding them, over and over again: “Hey, smile! You were talking to that girl, and I didn’t see you smile once. Smile! It’s supposed to be fun!”
Or you tell him to approach, and he gets this look of grim determination, and you tell him, “Wait, no, not like that. You’re missing something. Do you know what it is?” And he draws a blank, so you put your fingers on the corner of your mouth and push it into a smile, and then he kind of chuckles and grins and you say there, see – there you go. Like that. Now go do that with HER.
So, maybe try that as an exercise for the next month or so: flirt more and smile more. Simple exercise. The aim is simply to break you out of the strong silent guy rut you’re trapped in and let you see what happens when you mix a tad more fun and friendliness into it. If this is indeed what you’re missing, you should see results go up.
And not to worry – once you’re comfortable flirting and smiling more, you’ll settle into your own way of doing it that meshes well with your personality, and it stops being this alien thing you’ve tacked on. You learn it, you integrate it, and it becomes you.
Chase
What I meant by imposter
What I meant by imposter Chase was basically the way I act now is different than before. Basically I'm a different person to people than I was when they first knew me.
After reading your article about past precedent, I feel like I would be an imposter to the people who knew me before I changed, hence I would feel like one myself because they would think that and I haven't always been this way.
How do I accept myself as the better me now and for the future than the man I was in the past?
How do I change others thoughts of me in the past with the new me?
Could you show me links to the girl question I asked?
What would you do in my situations with the girl and changing past precedent?
Thanks
Leave a Comment