Why Are 21st Century Men So Apathetic and Unmotivated? | Girls Chase

Why Are 21st Century Men So Apathetic and Unmotivated?

Chase Amante

Hey! Chase Amante here.

You've read all the free articles I can offer you for this month.

If you'd like to read more, I've got to ask for your help keeping the lights on at Girls Chase.

Click a plan below to sign up now and get right back to reading. It's only 99¢ the first month.

Already a GirlsChase.com subscriber? Log in here.

Chase Amante's picture

By: Chase Amante

what motivates a man
Men of today have lost their motivation to build, fight, work, or get women. What's behind their lethargy, and how can you overcome this in yourself?

We live in a distinctly unmotivated time.

During the settling of the American continent, European settlers burst through with boundless energy. They founded towns, warred with the natives, pushed into hostile and unfamiliar lands, and carved paths through a frontier in search of unknown fortunes.

In the American West, frontier towns brimmed with ambitious men who eschewed the comforts of civilized life, like fine clothes, fine food, or women -- some towns at some points had male-female ratios as stark as 754-to-1. Before the Gold Rush of 1849, California's population was 90% male.

Yet, this bothered the men little, for they were there to find wealth, greatness, or just to build or find something new.

Men of this age didn't need help with women. They found wives readily enough (when they returned to civilization -- or imported them from back home), and those wives didn't divorce them (and only infrequently ran off with other men).

Men of this age didn't lose themselves into aimless pastimes, comfort, and luxury the way men of later ages did either. Most led hard lives, with simple food, simple living, hard work, and simple pleasures.

Yet travel 150 years into the future, and their inheritors are an opposite picture.

American men today sit about all day, riding around in automobiles, their faces glued to screens, their testosterone levels crashed (17% down just from 1987 to 2004 alone), over 50% of the American population non-working (population: 329,227,746 citizens + ~12,000,000+ legal and illegal aliens; jobs: 137,802,000; total U.S. employment: <40.4%). Compare that to the Pioneer Age, when women and children worked all day (on the farm, on the ranch, at the market, making textiles, or in various other occupations)! Many Americans are disinterested in the work available (I have seen numerous men in trades talk about offering jobs or apprenticeships to unemployed younger men and having those younger men turn them down), while many have little thought to the future (1 in 6 older people plan to spend all their children's inheritance).

This apathy extends to all kinds of things, and is on the rise. When I got into the seduction space, most guys weren't that interested in pickup because they occasionally got laid or found girlfriends from their social circles (and that was enough for them).

Today, even fewer men are interested in seduction, yet for different reasons. Rather than it being because they got laid in other ways, a lot of men aren't having sex at all, and are completely apathetic about doing anything to change that situation.

young men no sex
The percentage of men not having sex is shooting skyward.

There's less interest in pickup.

young men no sex
Interest in getting women is down to about 40% of what it was when I founded Girls Chase.

There's less interest in nightlife.

young men no sex
It's been worsening yearly. As of a few years ago, each month only 334 bars opened while 609 bars closed (source).

Men are dating in their social circles much less, and every man is on Tinder, where most women aren't.

what motivates a man
Tinder: the ultimate sausage fest. Worse than any nightclub! Source: Statista

More and more men aren't working, more and more men aren't getting laid, more and more men aren't doing anything other than to sit around with their time, watching their jobs disappear, their women walk by, and their histories vanish, and instead of doing anything to change any of that, more and more men just hang around, observe, and complain.

What's happened to men in the 21st Century, and how did they become so dull?


PougDolk's picture

I will try to unplug myself.

James D's picture

Wake up call

Mr.Rob's picture


stefqqqwwweee's picture

chase this is a link to a book i think you would enjoy reading, you may even be interested in incorporating some insights from praxeology (the formal logic of human action) into seduction
Man, Economy, and State is Murray Rothbard's main work in economic theory. It appeared in 1962, when Murray was only 36 years old. In it Murray develops the entire body of economic theory, in a step by step fashion, beginning with incontestable axioms and proceeding to the most intricate problems of business cycle theory and fundamental breakthroughs in monopoly theory. And along the way he presents a blistering refutation of all variants of mathematical economics. The book has in the meantime become a modern classic and ranks with Mises's Human Action as one of the two towering achievements of the Austrian School of economics. In Power and Market, Murray analyzed the economic consequences of any conceivable form of government interference in markets. The Scholars Edition brings both books together to form a magnificent whole. —Hans-Hermann Hoppe

Chase Amante's picture


Thanks for the recommendation.

Looks like he is a libertarian and an anarcho-capitalist, which I generally consider a bit too far on the utopian/idealistic side of things (though certainly I used to be a lot more sympathetic to "trust the market to sort things out" before the Internet giants, banks, and credit card companies started tightening the censorship noose a few years ago).

However, also looks like he has a lot of other very grounded opinions on economic functioning.

Seems like an interesting guy. Picked fights with more or less everyone.

I'll give him a read.


Zanardi's picture

Your article came exactly in a period when I am thinking about this, not as deep as you wrote here. Long story short, I had noticed that my willingness to try new things got me to the place where I have many useless things in my life (so I have to guide this willingness in other ways) and that I am not crazy in trying to climb Le Mont Blanc.

Confused GC Reader's picture

Really confused by recent articles concerning the GC stance on dating apps.

Alek says dating apps are a waste of time and not efficient enough.
Varoon says always to have a sufficient dating app profile to alleviate scarcity.
Chase says delete all dating apps outright.

I know that all GC writers have their different styles of game, and that works well to teach others, but this topic seems especially complicated and divisive...

Chase Amante's picture


Simplest explanation is different authors recommend different things ;)

I really think dating apps are okay if you can use them in moderation.

The problem is a lot of guys get totally sucked into them and use them as crutches/excuses to not meet women in person.

This article takes aim at removing the foundations of lethargy that are plaguing a lot of men.

If you're already an active cold approacher and you can use apps to give yourself a few easy wins without getting sucked in or sapping your energy, I think they're useful.

Otherwise though, you'd do better to not have them there is a distraction... and instead push yourself to approach.

Alek and I are in agreement on apps being ineffecient wastes of time for 99% of men. Good-looking men with great photos obviously can use them to get hookups, albeit with subpar girls compared to what they'd get with a modicum of real-life game.

Varoon's dipped into the sugar dating app world, where there's an oversupply of women, and is working an angle where he tries to get girls who are part-time prostitutes to have sex for free. It's an interesting angle, and you can do it, but it is also fairly niche, and not something I'd advise the average guy to mess around with too much.


Jack's picture

This is just unbelievable. I'm sure many men have these hunches, feelings, but are unable to articulate them. You did it perfectly. Bravo. One of the absolute best articles on this site.

Rowe's picture

Awesome work as usual but I do think your perspective would become more nuanced if you read some high-quality leftist social analysts like Michael Parenti and Michael Hudson. The BLM protests have definitely been redirected and co-opted by the establishment, but the grassroots energy is real and the cause is valid: from redlining to racially motivated war on drugs (as admitted by Nixon’s campaign manager), black people are still screwed over by our political-economic system long after the Civil Rights movement (and have suffered disproportionately from the pandemic). Beyond racial issues, Full time minimum wage workers can’t afford rent in any US state according to a recent study by the National Low Income Housing Coalition, while the corrupt covid bailout has funneled hundreds of billions to the top as millions of Americans become unemployed, so I think mass social unrest was inevitable. But while I think many of our issues are rooted in our economic system, I think you bring a very valid issue forward and as always appreciate your work

Chase Amante's picture


Thanks for the recommendations on the two Michaels. I read a selection of each man's articles and didn't see anything I disagreed with. Quite enjoyed their writing. From what I see they're primarily focused on the economics of elite control of the system, which I have zero quibbles with.

I won't get into the history of racial politics in the United States as that is not the point of this article, and it's also dangerous at this point to discuss anything even maginally outside the party line. The hollowing out of America's middle class and the destruction of low skilled and medium skilled jobs (and the inflation that drives the declining purchasing power of ever-rising minimum wages) is an enormous issue for the country, but it's not one that's solvable within the current system, I don't think. As you note, everything in the system is built around a transference of wealth to the most powerful, including those most recent bailouts, which were unbelievably massive, and much of which went to mega corporations rather than the small businesses they were supposed to be for.

One thing I will add -- regardless the economic system, every empire ends the same way: with wealth calcifying at the top of society, a destroyed middle class, and a large contingent of the impoverished, typically dependent on handouts (in ancient Rome, 50% of the 1 million citizens of Rome proper survived on state-provided corn hand-outs).

Somewhat saddening, until you put it in the perspective of the cycle of life: everything is born, expeiences a vibrant youth, grows into a productive middle age, then experiences a decline in its sunset years, a calcification, an end to growth, a stiffening, inflexibility, a breakdown in its moribund systems, and eventually a demise.

Governmental systems, economic systems, take your pick: assuming they aren't so bad as to make complex civilization impossible, they all seem to follow roughly the same trajectory.

Because it isn't the system itself that is the issue: it is the people manning the system, and the way each generation of people changes in response to the conditions left it by the prior one.


Eli G's picture

I dont think men dont have the drive to have sex; its just that womens standards are too high and most men dont make the cut. Most men are trying and failing to get laid, others have given up, and a small percentage is getting almost everything. We have to be realistic and acknowledge that most men are going to be average no matter what. The problem is that women have too many options and society allows them to go for the top men.

Chase Amante's picture


Keep this in mind: women will tell you they have high standards.

If you ask, they will spiel off a huge long list of everything they are looking for in a man.

Women do this today. They did it 50 years ago. They did it 100 years ago. They did it 2,000 years ago. I have little doubt they did it 25,000 years ago.

Women do all these little things to make it seem like they are so valuable and so hard to get.

All it takes is a little persistence to get past that though and actually get somewhere with them.

You can watch any old movie and you will notice women actually made it harder for men then (in terms of how high they claimed their standards to be, what they insisted of men before they'd do anything, etc.). But the men were also much more persistent in overcoming those supposed "high standards."

I don't see a lot of guys trying to get laid who are failing who are REALLY trying. Most of them are going on Tinder and doing a bunch of swiping. It's 80% dudes on Tinder.

Almost any guy I see who makes an effort to talk to women in real life, even with basic fundamentals and mediocre game, ends up in bed with some halfway decent women.

There is a much deeper issue here than "women's standards are too high" -- because from what I can see, compared to what they used to be, they're in fact a lot lower.


UPDATE: article expanding on this subject here: "Are Modern Women's Dating Standards TOO High?"

James Hunkie's picture

"I don't see a lot of guys trying to get laid who are failing who are REALLY trying. Most of them are going on Tinder and doing a bunch of swiping. It's 80% dudes on Tinder.

Almost any guy I see who makes an effort to talk to women in real life, even with basic fundamentals and mediocre game, ends up in bed with some halfway decent women."

I'm sorry Chase this is not what I'm seeing at all. I constantly see guys who are virgins, dateless, or sexless, throughout their early 20s. The guys I see who get girls in their early years usually have alot of things going for them like they have a prestigious job, very good game, and they usually have a great amount of leadership on their belt.

I'm usually not seeing what you are seeing. Now I'm not going to lie to myself and say the most men are aware of the seduction community and go through the same process as we do like constant cold approach. But those men are constantly doing different events trying to meet women in different ways. You just described how little a women's options are in her 30s but are you forgetting all those guys who are trying to get her are those same average guys?

For the longest time I tried to convince myself that men didn't get women because they didn't try. I finally came to realize that is not near the truth. Guys often try really hard. But it's not enough unless you are working the absolute right things. So alot their effort goes up in vain.

When I see those same guys getting a women its usually in their 30s after they heavily lowered their standards and they've obtained alot more resources.

But nah I just don't think that's true. That little effort you may believe might seem very little on your part because I notice alot of men who mastered anything really difficult (in your case women). They seem to see those things as breezes now. So they cant understand the difficulty the newer guys go through. Funny enough even if you were at a worse place in your life when those guys started. I tend to forget sometimes how utterly depressed I was in high school because I couldn't get girls. It was soul destroying.

I think the dynamics are different than what you are describing

Mark H's picture

This is an incredible article, Chase. Your writing continues to be so thought-provoking after all these years. Here are my 2 cents on the answer to the titular question. I am an apathetic and unmotivated guy myself.
-Men are eschewing work because, people feel like, whether they work or not, they are still going to be ****ing poor. Statistically, I seem to be in the top 0-10 percentile of earners in the country and yet I'm still poor in the grand scheme of things. So given the comforts described in your article, why guys are dropping out.
-Getting laid is more difficult than ever and guys are just giving up. Where I live, night game is not a thing anymore (even before covid), and dating apps are just as you described. The only viable thing is street approach but that is not thought of very highly and is very time consuming. Guys here go years of daygaming here with less than a handful of dates to show for it. So guys give up there too.
-In parallel with the above two, men give up on having a family or any kind of "mission" and become generally dispassionate.

Chase Amante's picture


These are all good points.

It is definitely harder today to improve one's position in the U.S. than it was decades ago. Still far from impossible, but any increase in difficulty is going to winnow people from the competition. There is still plenty of success to find for motivated men... but it's not as easy to find it and men today also are not as good at looking. The lack of men going into the trades is one example (still plenty of money to be made there, but most men seem unwilling to do it).

Some women have drifted away from nightlife to dating apps. But a lot more men than ever attended nightlife have flooded onto the apps, because apps are so much easier and less nerve-wracking. The lockdown's had an even worse effect on nightlife... and no telling when countries that locked their nightlife down will ever go back to normal. Day game is definitely scary for most men, yes. And a lot of things social circles would do (group dinners; house parties; etc.) are also subject to these lockdown restrictions.

This has a winnowing effect on what men are actively dating too.

The only thing I can say to readers of this site is, "If more men are getting winnowed from competition for money, women, and everything else, now is the time you need to be getting into it." With money, to carve out a space for yourself in a shrinking lot of spaces. With women, to scoop up all the available women out there who are not getting approached (and if more men than ever are tuning out, more women than ever are going un-approached. Infinite pings from men they knew before COVID and deluged inboxes for the minority of women on dating apps not withstanding -- that stuff is not 'real' in the way a man walking up to speak with her is real).

I for one have always loved venues most men feared to go to, and opportunities most men shy away from.

They aren't always gold mines.

But a lot of times, they are.

For so many things in life, the biggest constraints are a.) market size and b.) competition.

If you can find a market that isn't totally shrunk/destroyed, but where the competition has all but left, you can make a killing. Just think of a small venue where beautiful, available women go, in small but consistent numbers, yet men never approach. You can get a lot more out of a place like this than a venue flooded with beautiful women where the women are constantly fending off approaches by horny men.

Times like these can be exciting, if you know how to take advantage of them.


militarybrat51's picture

I have always lived a very simple life it comes from being raised by a career military father. The only creature comfort I won't live without is my hybrid bed. The chair I sit in hard bottom high back for posture. My job commercial/Industrial electrician yep I wire the buildings most work in. Those in the corporate world look down their nose at me. I often wonder why do they not know the toilet flushes,the lights come on, their is recepticals power their devices because of men like me. I am a simple very well educated man a real man who's plug in time is very limited.

Chase Amante's picture

That's fantastic, Brat.

I have a lot of respect for that.

I've met a lot of arrogant guys from office jobs (having spent a fair bit of time in that world) who did not know how to do anything I didn't and whose arrogance was tied chiefly to the strength of the networks they'd built through office politics and political maneuvering.

I have also met a lot of men from the trades who carried themselves with a certain air of "I know things and am capable in ways most men aren't."

I never have respect for the emptily-arrogant "my network is better than yours" office-work guys (now... guys who work in offices who legitimately have unique skills, I do... but those men are generally a slim minority). The women they attract typically seem to be the typical social-climber type girls that angle appeals to, too.

But men from the trades I always respect. If a man can do things I can't, I respect that.

Recently I had a very stuck toilet. Had a plumber come out and he unstopped it in about 15 seconds using his plunger in a way I'd never seen it used before. Now I only plunge the way I watched him plunge, and it works much, much better than the way I'd been plunging stopped toilets for 25+ years.

A little while back I had to wrap some exposed wire around another set of wires to get a light source working. I'd done this a few times but forgot to shut the circuit breaker off that time. Got a pretty good zap as a reminder to be more careful.

Every man ought to be able to do at least some basic stuff with his hands.

If he can, it's a lot easier to appreciate the man who are a lot more skilled than he is in those areas, too.


N's picture

Hey Chase,

Share a similar respect for capable men. You might enjoy this channel: https://www.youtube.com/user/forestyforest

I watch him almost religiously, every time he puts out a video, and find him to be a breath of fresh air -- independent and humorous. Not dependent on the 'system'. Barely plugged-in. He drives into, and hikes in, some stupidly beautiful areas.

Also: on the homepage, there's a section of authors on the sidebar. Clicking on the profile picture of the author leads back to the homepage; clicking on the name leads to the (correct) girlschase.com/articles-by-author/$author-name endpoint (the picture, on the other hand, leads to a [probably non-existent?] girlschase.com/articles/$authorname endpoint). Just wanted to point that out as most users might click the picture so that should be an easy fix.


stef777sss's picture

off topic
" in my mind, sweeping generalizations are about the dumbest things out there; you have my permission to ask me to eat crow any time you catch me in one myself)."
then "girls are silly and cute" is a tactical assumption, or should be readed as "most girls/some girls are silly and cute"?

Tired being a loser's picture

Hi Man,

That article came in time it is something tha tbothered me for ages...

I have 2 certificates from Finland (Envionrmental ENgineering and Master in Biology(Water specificially lakes, rivers etc...) I got my masters quite young at age 28, I dedicated so much time into certificates just to realize later in life that emplyers tend to reject me, directy or indirectly.

I want to be my own boss but the only skills I got are almost useless and I have very little experince, I hate being this nice guy who is living in his comfort zone but I have many traumas including a car accident. The car accident and been beaten by Nazi Skkin heads made me scared of fighting as I dont want my head to be banged too much(TBIs) and shit....I have no idea how to be the bad boy.

I saved some money, very little and I always ask myself should I leave Finland and go to South America or Africa but I can t do anything there, I only know ENvironmental Engineering, I dont have a trade and I am tired of studying, if I learn trafe in FInland that means I have to stay many years here....I want and wish to get out for a whilte atleast and learn something that I can do but I cant....I have no idea what to do it really sucks.

I am learning some programming but it is slow, and even though the basics are clear doing projects are very challenging, I wish I can master this skill....I love ENgineering and I wish I new it when I was 23 or 25, so I can take more courses etc....

I tired of being ghosted by women, tired of walking beside the wall, tired of not being able to break laws, tired of being a weak man.

Chase Amante's picture


Well, there's a lot going on there. So:

  • You've got engineering & water biology degrees but can't 'do' anything with them
  • You're hesitant due to a car accident & getting assaulted/injured by a gang of guys
  • You want to go to South America or Africa but can't do anything there
  • You're getting into programming but it's challenging

If I was you, a few things I'd do right off the bat:

  • Set up profiles on a couple big freelancer sites, like UpWork and Guru, for the fields you have degrees in. There may not be a TON of work, but there are always folks looking for all kinds of specialists on these sites, especially specialists it is not easy to find. If you're the only water biology engineer on there (and it's likely you will be) you should be able to pick up projects over time if you're consistent about checking the platform for work and apply to what's relevant. That gets you work in your field, and gives you experience you can talk about in job applications for more full-time positions as well
  • You should be taking a self-defense class. There's no better way to overcome fear of assault than learning how to protect yourself in an assault situation. See if there are Krav Maga or Wing Chun classes in your area; these are two of the best practical real-world defense schools
  • Keep at the challenging program projects. Things that seem challenging now will get easier and easier as you solve the various challenges. An issue that challenges you today will be one you can easily solve tomorrow -- because you've already resolved it once before. Give it time
  • And, once you have built up either a water biology engineering profile on freelancing sites or a programmer profile and can consistently get work over the Internet, you'll be liberated to relocate to wherever in the world you wish. If you want to live elsewhere in the world, building a location-independent income stream should be priority #1. As an alternative, you might look for Finnish-teaching jobs in these places. I doubt there are many, but there likely are some. Here's a Finnish-teaching job ad for Taiwan, for instance.

All these issues are resolvable.

You just need a half-decent plan of action, a little resolve, and some elbow grease, and you'll get there.


Unicorn's picture

I think the biggest evil is refrigerator.. and Amazon.
But I also think you are romatising past times a bit. And it's kinda not modern men's fault that all lands have been discovered and conquered before them. Now it's all about discovering financial lands but it's not for everyone. I do agree it's an apathetic times. But maybe it's just natural. There's nothing to do/discover so people do nothing. Maybe that's how population stops growing. I don't really think you can change the process. Sure few individuals may try but it's not as simple as will power. There're some forces that control those changes in society. They happen naturally

Chase Amante's picture


Refrigerator/Amazon as in keeping people home a lot more?

I love the idea of exploration and frontiers, I will say. I spend a lot of time in exotic locales and places Westerners find uncomfortable. However it's also true any easily accessible 'true' frontiers are gone. Like you say though, this is part of a cyclical process.

In the time of Rome, all the frontiers were peopled over. But then civilization collapsed, bands of raiders swept the countryside, cities and towns were sacked and abandoned, and entire swaths of country became frontier again. In the time of the American settlement, again, you'd had a North America previously fully settled by Natives, but European disease swept through and killed off 90%+ of the population. Those who remained most likely consolidated into smaller and more spread-out communities, creating a new, largely empty frontier to explore.

And I agree too, as land fills up, jobs grow scarcer, and opportunities decline, people respond to these environmental pressures by reducing their reproduction -- which we're seeing. In all developed nations, all populations (including those recently transplanted from fecund third world states) adjust to sub-replacement-level reproduction within a generation or two. A lot of the people I talk to from cities are in their 30s or 40s and childless with no intention or desire to have families. They have a bunch of reasons why... but I suspect the main underlying ones are financial and logistical. Plummeting reproduction by city dwellers is a continual bugbear of urban societies, stretching back thousands of years (the ancients did all sorts of things to try to get their apathetic, hedonistic city dwellers to reproduce -- usually to no avail).

I don't think it's worth fighting these forces at a societal scale.

However, when it comes to the individual reader of this site, I am speaking to a man, not a society.

And for that man, an understanding of the forces that direct him, and a waking up to the fact that he is responding and reacting, rather than charting his own course, may be what he needs to allow him to free himself from the social and environmental constraints of his society, and plot his own way forward.


Pete's picture

Crap title. If men are not motivated at anything nowadays the world population will just fall off the charts and the human race will be extinct soon. There will be no new startups revolutionising various industries and we won't be looking to venture further into outer space. But hey, all of this are still happening aren't they? Quit talking like u have been in this world for centuries Chase.

Ben's picture

Interestingly, population growth actually does slow and disappear as countries become more 'advanced' economically.

Japan for example has a birthrate below 2, left to their own devices they might actually just die off eventually.

Europe and the US are both around the rate of replacement for birthrates. If the trends were to continue, they would go extinct.

3rd world countries are far less comfortable, and don't seem to be in any danger of extinction though lack of reproduction.

You seem to miss the idea of individual variation - motivated individuals existing in group X does not contradict the claim that members of group X (2020 USA for example) are less likely to be motivated than members of group Y (1800 USA for example).

Chase Amante's picture


If men are not motivated at anything nowadays the world population will just fall off the charts and the human race will be extinct soon.

There's quite a bit of coasting a society can do on the resources and momentum built up for it by more motivated earlier generations.

A society reaching a point where it slips into decline does not signal terminal decline. Things go up, and thngs go down. Once they slide down far enough again, opportunities open up in abundance once more, and many more men become motivated to grab them.

There will be no new startups revolutionising various industries and we won't be looking to venture further into outer space. But hey, all of this are still happening aren't they?

Like Ben notes, in an age of general decline you can still have remarkable individuals who push things forward.

The ancient Roman world produced Galen, who advanced medicine and understanding of the human body to remarkable degree, serving as the basis for all modern medicine today, and whose research was not matched for almost 1500 years after, despite the fact that Rome was already well into its decline at the time he lived. And there are many such examples.

We're venturing further out into space today largely due to one South African man who relocated to the United States. That man is a lone visionary who expressly said (read his biography if you want) he wanted to inspire the world to get back to the kind of major advances it was making 100 years ago. While he's single-handedly pushed space technology ahead, and continues to, I've not seen any sign yet that anyone else is stepping up to meet his challenge. Jeff Bezos's, Richard Brandon's, UAE's and all the other space companies pale next to him. If you want to live on Mars you need batteries; you need tunneling equipment; and so on. Musk is developing all this himself, because no one else is. As impressive as his achievements are, if this one man simply did not exist, we would not have any of these things. And the man himself was not even produced by American society (albeit he was influenced by it -- or by the idea of trying to recapture the American industrial society from 100 years earlier, in any event).

Quit talking like u have been in this world for centuries Chase.

Don't read history then, thus repeat its mistakes?

I take it that's your advice?


Jay Cee's picture

Damn Chase didn’t know you were a philosopher. And here I thought this site was about chasing poon.

An important message about personal responsibility. Critics would say something about toxic masculinity but it’s really about taking ownership of one’s lifestyle without needing to conform. As Arnold said: “Break the rules, not the law”.

If you do what everyone else does, you’re going to have average results. How has that worked out given the situation we’re in?

Chase Amante's picture

Jay Cee-


The 'toxic masculinity' charge I find cartoonish. I'd not take seriously anyone bandying about that term. It comes from a 1980s men's movement that viewed any kind of hardness in men as a form of villainy to be combatted. Then it morphed into something else altogether used by feminists to call men behaving in masculine ways 'toxic' to women's prospects or self-esteem. It is not a serious concept.

but it’s really about taking ownership of one’s lifestyle without needing to conform

Yes, exactly.

Everyone has to conform to some extent.

If you go too far into non-conformity, people will assume you're insane. Or they'll just feel you're totally alien.

The successful man finds the line to walk where he conforms with enough of society to still be accepted as a part of that society, while breaking enough of society's more unhelpful rules to allow himself to achieve success.


Sco tt's picture

Chase, thx for taking the time to document your personal evolution because it repeatedly skirts the edges of SPECIAL, and I’ll knee anyone in the balls who disagrees. Back in my day, facing the horrifying, impending decade of the 1980s, I decided to hide it out in Alaska. I bought an old motorcycle and drove North in early April, me being a dumbass, not knowing it was still winter. I shoved a Sunday Seattle Times up my coat for wind insulation and made it to Anchorage, possessing this very thing you discuss: Discomfort. Shortly thereafter, I met a 17 year old hippie girl who introduced me to LSD, which we took in the mountains without her boyfriend because he wouldn’t fit on the motorcycle (poor lad). Thus a great momentum was born, and out of this, this girl and I eventually married, doomed to failure, of course, but worth 17 good years. My next Love in life was squatting in an old abandoned farmhouse in Tennessee where the floors were rotted into dirt, daughter of a philosophy professor, and she was fucking hot as hell. Next chick, five years later, likewise pure magic, but I began to notice serious glitches in my long term game. It was my son who introduced me to your work, such as your beautiful pontifications and various shocking insights, including the realization that I’d been offered very few worthy male role models (on television) including Gilligan, the skipper, the professor, and Mr. Thurston Howell III. Now the chicks my age today are generally ill and suffering from low level depression and I have recently done mushrooms with a 23 year old vegetarian hottie and again with a 35 year old progressive, while the relational complexities are daunting. I am preferring to be alone, than to compromise on anything, while channeling my mojo energies into other rewarding pursuits including recent studies into the Silva Mind Control Method to STOP and heal (reprogram) a few past societal programmings and to envision a better future. I conclude that there is no time, my friend, just one big fucked up Glorious thing, nor can you and I conceive of MEN one or two or three thousand years ago. Thx for being a valuable part of living and breathing it, today’s things, cockroaches, etc., sharing this wonderful planet we call home. God damn it we are getting somewhere, I do believe!

Chase Amante's picture


Fantastic life you've lived!

How fitting your first wife's boyfriend let her ride off on the motorcycle with you, and lost her to you as a result. A lot of lessons in there for both the guys deliberating riding off with the other guy's girl, and the guys deliberating letting their girls ride off with a guy.

It's good you spotted the glitches in your long-term game. Sounds like you might've liked to have hung onto one or two of these girls but glitched them out. Good of your son to introduce you to the site; sounds like a good kid and the site's been helpful.

the realization that I’d been offered very few worthy male role models (on television) including Gilligan, the skipper, the professor, and Mr. Thurston Howell III

Yes, worthwhile male role models are sorely lacking from general society.

The arts are often not a good place to go looking for them, too. Most actors aren't leaders, and most script writers don't know how to write them.

I conclude that there is no time, my friend, just one big fucked up Glorious thing


Step outside the universe, where time is a mere property, like space, and peer back in, and you will see something very different looking in than what you see inside, bounded by space and time.

nor can you and I conceive of MEN one or two or three thousand years ago


You can read their biographies, and in some cases read their words.

But you will only ever have a partial understanding of their environments, situations, and upbringings, and were you to meet such a man, he'd likely differ significantly from however you imagined him.

God damn it we are getting somewhere, I do believe!

I hope so!



Ralph Garweyl's picture

100% agreeing with you chase and I love the comparison with how systems have worked historically and still do in general.

Nevertheless, one thing still bothers me.

Since 2-3 years, I literally practice every single point on your unplug list. And I still often feel like I'm not really unplugging and being imprisoned in a system. Why is that?

Of course you can unplug from your social circle, from your government and from your job. But can you unplug from the constructs that steer peoples' behavior worldwide? Can you unplug from tho global economic system that enforces you nearly everywhere to have a perfect cv? Can you unplug from the religion of the god of money that is dominating the beliefs of humans worldwide? Can you unplug from the affiliation to a specific nation without getting suffocated with bureaucracy, restrictions and duties?

Maybe there still exist places like this but they're inevitably going extinct. You can't really unplug from systems that dominate peoples' heads all over the world, except you'd settle on the moon.

Chase Amante's picture


The various monetary systems have become dominant worldwide, it is true. Particularly as populations scale, it simply becomes increasingly necessary to have some kind of money to exchange value between strangers within the same society. Unfortunately most of the world is confined to one of a handful of monetary systems, and these systems all work together on some levels (while being in competition with each other on other levels).

Even in ancient times, during times of civil breakdown, you'd still have weatlh retained in things like precious metals -- and the Barbarians who lived outside civilization eagerly invaded to pillage and rapine and make off with the declining civilization's wealth.

Wealth is a store of power and resources. And all men seek these, to some extent or other (including the men who claim they don't -- sometimes especially the men who claim they don't).

That aspect of existence you will never get away from, outside of going and living in the mountains or woods alone.

That said, on the smaller scale:

Can you unplug from tho global economic system that enforces you nearly everywhere to have a perfect cv?

Of course.

Become a freelancer -- you can do quite well doing this. No one cares about CVs if you do.

Start a business -- there are many, many different kinds of businesses you can start. When you're the boss, here, too, obviously CVs are irrelevant.

No one cares about your CV as a freelancer. I've hired probably 50 people over the last year, and only once or twice have I looked at a CV, and only because it was sent to me. I didn't ask for it or need it, and the CV made no difference to my hiring (I barely look at CVs when I get them).

Can you unplug from the religion of the god of money that is dominating the beliefs of humans worldwide?

There are many people who do.

In fact, I would argue that Americans today on average care far less about money than they did in generations past.

Younger Americans live in smaller homes, consume fewer material goods, and prize experiences over things.

The Age of Commerce, where money plays the foremost role, tends to last only a few generations in any given society.

Live in any society dominated by desire of acquisition of money (typically those that have only come into money within the past 50 years... some of the Middle Eastern nations, or China, are good examples) and you'll realize how much more money-obsessed the people are here compared to Americans (who care much less about money) or Western Europeans (who care less still).

Can you unplug from the affiliation to a specific nation without getting suffocated with bureaucracy, restrictions and duties?

Depends on your host nation.

There's a website called "Sovereign Man" that deals with these things -- you may want to check it out if you haven't seen it:


Maybe there still exist places like this but they're inevitably going extinct. You can't really unplug from systems that dominate peoples' heads all over the world, except you'd settle on the moon.

If you view the world as a set of somewhat-similar-but-competing systems (Western system, Russian system, Chinese system, etc.) it becomes easier to understand how to unplug more thoroughly if you really want to.

e.g., living in a Russian-system-aligned nation (Russia, Belarus, etc.) or a Chinese-aligned one (China, the five Stans, increasingly the Philippines -- which is playing both sides between the U.S. and China) for a while, you will start to get that "foot in two different worlds" feeling. There are also various nations that are not totally unaligned with a system, but are less aligned, like Italy, Greece, etc. These are also good choices.

You'll never be totally outside of systems in general, unless you want to head to Antarctica or the ocean floor.

But you can stride between systems -- and this gives some semblance of greater freedom, for the man who really doesn't like being tied to a single system.


Richard K's picture

Good article! I think 2 major factors, that you didn't mention, are radical feminism, and the war against boys and masculinity. Feminism started in the 60s but by the 80s had become radical. The war against boys and masculinity started in the 90s. Men were forced to go along with these weird re-definitions of "manliness" or they were guilty of "toxic masculinity". The radical feminists bitched and moaned loudly enough that men fell for their re-definitions and lies. Manhood and masculinity have been torn down. So, this current generation of young men is like a rudderless ship during a storm. They've no way to get out of the storm and back on course.

haael's picture

Maybe I sound a bit MGTOW, but the real issue is that there's nothing to win.

Guys in last centuries could find a new island, found new country, build a house, start a family. We don't have any of it today.

T's picture

do you really think there is nothing to win? Perhaps you won't find a new island, leave alone a new country but you can build a house or start a family. These goals you mentioned presuppose the passion, the persistance and patience to reach them. In former times men who went out to find new countries or island always knew that it could be their last journey and for a lot of them it was (Magellan, Cook etc).
Read the comment of Scott above. It is fantastic. He took a decision and went for it. I dont think that he ever discussed with a women explained or worse excused for his goal. He did it and the suitable girl came into his live. And that's my experience as well. But it hasnt always to be a live changing decision.
I am a passionate archer and I once had a talk with a really attractive woman, intelligent and eloquent. When she asked me what my hobbies are
I said: Archery
and she: How boring.
I smiled at her and said: Aha.....
Then I asked her two questions about her job and then I asked her: Where did you practice archery?
And she: Oh no I never did that.
Me with a smile: And where do you know that archery is boring?
I let this sink for 2 or 3 seconds and asked her what her hobbies were, why she did it etc... and I didn't mention Archery any more until the point where she -about half an hour later- suddenly said:
Can you show me how to shoot a bow? Upps......
Well, it isnt important whether she wanted really learn Archery or to see me again (yes we did....) the thing here is
that I didnt explain, excused, defended or whatever because it simply wasn't important what she thought.
And again go your way not because of frustration that women aren't the way you want to have them but because it is your passion and if a woman wants to take part in your life welcome her and if not let her go. Its simple as that and called outcome independence.


Shane Levine's picture

That was gangster as hell

Leave a Comment

One Date girl next to the number one

Get The Girl In Just One Date

It only takes one date to get the girl you want. Best of all, the date's easy to get… and girls love it.

Inside One Date, You'll Learn

  • How to build instant chemistry
  • Ways to easily create arousal
  • How to get girls to do what you want
  • The secret to a devoted girlfriend

…and more great Girls Chase Tech