The Abundance Trap: Why More Hot Women Can Mean Less Sex

As you level up to sleeping with younger and hotter women, getting sex should (in theory) become easier and easier.

Yet for some men, scoring hotter girls actually leads to less sex. I call this the Abundance Trap: when progress that should lead you to more abundance with women actually leads to less.

Here’s reader Sam-88 describing his own encounter with the Abundance Trap:

Chase,

I came to re-read this article because I reached a plateau of feeling what you call in another article "Big Deal" with women, and I wish to add this:

It is not only the inexperienced man who feels bad about lowering his standards with women. It is also the evolution junkie (like me) who thinks as follows: if I unlocked the level of bedding the hot 19-year old once or twice so far as a 37 to 42-year old man, why the hell do I need to revert back to bedding anything less than that?

I like to know that I move upwards: less money last year? I want more money this year. Bedding hot 19-year old last year? Well, I now want to reach absolute abundance with younger women, so why bother with less than that? Meanwhile, a man's time becomes more scarce and more dispersed among various other non-dating activities. On the other hand, it is a fact that I don't meet as many younger women as I would wish on daily basis to sustain this mentality, so whenever I stick to it I end up in longer-than-necessary dry spells.

How would you deal with it? What can the upward-looking man say to his brain to justify "going back" to less attractive or older women compared to those he already had, especially when he desires to unlock absolute abundance with his favorite types of women?

Sam was commenting on my article “Lower Your Standards (and Date Hotter Girls).” He was rereading that one because, well, he felt that’s what he needed to do: bring his standards back down to his reality.

Yet once you’ve had a taste of something better, it can be hard to get yourself to settle for less.

When such a thing happens, suddenly you can find yourself deep in the Abundance Trap, with no easy way out.

 

“I Was Blind But Now I See”

It’ll happen that a man can bed women regularly of a certain kind or caliber and be fairly satisfied with that. Then one day out of the blue he finds himself sleeping with a girl who is just better.

After that, those formerly ‘satisfying enough’ girls don’t satisfy him any longer. Yet he hasn’t actually reached the point where he can reliably get together with those superior caliber girls.

This is a kind of cruel revelation, in some ways. It’s like plucking a starving man out of his hovel, where he is forced to live off of cooked rats and moldy corn, plunking him down in a first world grocer’s replete with every imaginable victual, letting him shop there and enjoy that superabundance of food for a week, then returning him back to his hovel again to survive off rats and moldy corn.

He’d have been better off had you just left him in that hovel, right? At least he wouldn’t have a base of comparison to cause resentment of his day-to-day.

I don’t know all of Sam-88’s situation, since he only gave us some details, but let’s create a fictional version of him that I imagine is somewhat close to Sam’s situation. Let’s call our hero Dan.

Dan’s 39 years old, and used to dating women who are his age peers: 35- to 43-year-olds, let’s say. He mostly meets women through online dating and social circle, which keeps him firmly in that age-range bracket.

• Online dating, thanks to in-app age filters, largely restricts most men to dating close to their own ages.

• Social circle, the way most men handle their social circles, largely puts most men around women their own ages, so, again, limits them to dating in their near age range.

One day at a barbecue Dan meets a girl who’s 19 named Megan. They talk, they flirt, she’s interested; Dan can hardly believe it. He asks her out and she agrees. She comes out onto the date and they hook up. Dan’s over the moon.

The last time he was with a 19-year-old was when he was 23. Now, again, at 39, 16 years later.

Megan’s body is so tight, her eagerness to please him so earnest; and she has zero of the baggage he is so used to encountering with women his age. Sleeping with 19-year-old Megan is like entering another world. A better world!

Except now Dan goes back to his day-to-day life, and he just isn’t meeting any other 19-year-olds. Or 20-year-olds. Or, heck, 25-year-olds! Maybe he’d even take a 28- or 29-year-old! All he gets are these wrinkled, old, dried-up, used up, baggage-laden chicks in their late 30s and 40s. After bagging a 19-year-old, who the heck wants to sleep with that?

Dan’s been cursed with tasting Heaven but not being allowed to stay there.

He got to take a stroll through the Garden of Eden, then got kicked back out (and the gates barred behind him).

He must find a way back in. He has to! Nothing else compares to it anymore.

Yet with limited time, and no real way to get back in, how can he do that?

Dan’s fallen into the Abundance Trap.

 

The Levels of Abundance

Back when I first started posting on X, I wrote a post on the Levels of Abundance:

The levels of abundance:

0️⃣ TOTAL SCARCITY: women seem utterly impossible to get

1️⃣ MODERATE SCARCITY: women seem like rare & precious mythical beings

2️⃣ LIGHT SCARCITY: women are rare but you get them very, very occasionally

3️⃣ LOW NORMALITY: you get lucky once in a blue moon if you try

4️⃣ NORMALITY: you get lucky once in a while + sometimes get a girl you like

5️⃣ HIGH NORMALITY: you get lucky more often + sometimes get a girl you like

6️⃣ ABUNDANCE: you can consistently get with girls

7️⃣ HIGH ABUNDANCE: you can consistently get with desirable girls

8️⃣ ABSOLUTE ABUNDANCE: you can consistently get with girlfriend/wife-caliber girls

Few men will reach Level 8 abundance.

The man who does never has to worry about women again — unless he somehow loses his abundance.

— Girls Chase 🏃‍♀️💨 (@GirlsChase) October 15, 2024

Here's the full list in case the X post doesn’t load:

0. TOTAL SCARCITY: women seem utterly impossible to get

1. MODERATE SCARCITY: women seem like rare & precious mythical beings

2. LIGHT SCARCITY: women are rare but you get them very, very occasionally

3. LOW NORMALITY: you get lucky once in a blue moon if you try

4. NORMALITY: you get lucky once in a while + sometimes get a girl you like

5. HIGH NORMALITY: you get lucky more often + sometimes get a girl you like

6. ABUNDANCE: you can consistently get with girls

7. HIGH ABUNDANCE: you can consistently get with desirable girls

8. ABSOLUTE ABUNDANCE: you can consistently get with girlfriend/wife-caliber girls

Dan from our story above is around Level 5 abundance. He gets laid reasonably often, but only from time to time with a girl he really likes. The really exceptional girls (like that tight 19-year-old) are rare for him. So, when he tastes them, it makes all the rest of his lays pale by comparison.

Some men (non-players) approach this problem by declining to have sex most of the time, holding out until a girl comes along who is ‘worth it’.

Unfortunately, the result for these men is that by avoiding having sex with women, they end up in one of the scarcity levels, which twists their perspectives on women. Suddenly, women who would never have been good enough for them in normality or abundance start to seem like “amazing women”, the same way dirty water is a spring oasis to a man dying of thirst.

Other men approach the “rare sampling of a truly exceptional girl” phenomenon by knuckling down and developing their game, fundamentals, and lifestyles until those rare girls are anything but.

Many more though get stuck in a kind of ‘abundance limbo’ – they want to keep going for the girls they can get, but they’re a lot less motivated to; meanwhile, the girls they now want – ones of a sort they lucked into getting but are failing to replicate – remain out of their reach.

This is the Abundance Trap, and it can happen at any level before that final level of abundance.

In the Abundance Trap, the girls you can usually get no longer satisfy; the girls who’d satisfy you can’t usually get.

As a result, once some guys start getting more hot women, because their ‘old’ types of girls can no longer do it for them, they actually start hooking up with fewer women… and have a lot less sex.

 

What Do You Do in an Abundance Trap?

Should you escape from the Abundance Trap?

There are two ways out of the trap:

1. Go back to enjoying a broader range of women again.

2. Increase your ability to get more of the type of women you like.

We’ll discuss both options in a moment. But first: what if you can’t or don’t want to do either?

What if your only real option is to remain in the Abundance Trap?

Some men do. They follow trajectories that look like so:

1. Getting laid regularly enough with just-okay girls.

2. One day luck into hooking up with a significantly more desirable girl.

3. Instantly lose interest in the just-okay girls they were sleeping with before.

4. Realize that they don’t care that much about getting laid. Other things are more important.

5. Deprioritize hooking up in general, and with sub-par girls in particular.

6. Continue in their new, less sex-hungry life, occasionally nabbing better quality girls.

In this case, the Abundance Trap really just dissolves into a lifestyle.

Sex is less important to them. When they can get it with quality girls, cool. If they can’t, they’ll pass.

So long as they go into this willingly, I’d say they’re no longer ‘trapped’.

They’ve simply switched up their priorities and shifted to another mode of dating.

However: let’s say you don’t want less sex. Let’s say you want as much sex as you were having before. How do you keep that up after stumbling into the Abundance Trap?

With either of those two ways I mentioned above.

 

Go Back to Enjoying a Broader Range of Women

The top recommendation here, in my opinion.

It’s the same as the basis for the article on lowering your standards to enjoy more hot girls (the one Sam-88 commented on above).

Every prolific seducer you will ever meet takes a range of girls. Some of them are knockout stunners, some of them are mids. Some may be girls the average guy would turn his nose up at. The one thing they all have in common is they turn him on.

Dark Triad men (men high in narcissism, Machiavellianism, and psychopathy), who sleep with more women on average, take this path:

Men scoring high on the Dark Triad may be more indiscriminate than most when selecting for short-term mates in order to widen their prospects.

Men who believe themselves attractive also take this path, with men told they were attractive becoming less choosy about mates, while men told they were unattractive became much choosier.

Sexually ‘hyperactivated’ men lower their short-term attractiveness standards. From the same study, high self-esteem men were found to have lower standards for short-term relationships.

In other words:

• Dark Triad men are less picky about their short-term mates.

• Attractive men are less picky about their short-term mates.

• Sexually hyperactive men are less picky about their short-term mates.

• High self-esteem men are less picky about their short-term mates.

None of this impacts their long-term mate choice behavior, where they remain as choosy as other men (perhaps choosier).

Why do these men – who seem like they’d rank among the most desirable men – become the least choosy when it comes to short-term mates?

Because they are in abundance, know there’s no risk of them falling into a relationship with a short-term lover of middling hotness, and feel free to sow their wild oats without fear.

Meanwhile, men who are less attractive, less sexual, or lower self-esteem, and who lack the same level of abundance, aren’t thinking about short-term mating. They may not qualify as short-term mates for women often; and anyway, if they get a girl, there’re fair odds they will try to hang onto her (to not have to be alone for a stretch again).

If your aim is to be a seducer or a player, even if only part-time, I suggest you aspire to be like the seducers and the players:

1. Lower your standards

2. Stop screening every chick you pick up through a long-term filter

3. Enjoy sex with women on its own merit, not as a relationship vehicle

4. And build up some real ABUNDANCE

You don’t have to have NO standards.

Those high-abundance playboys we just discussed have lower standards than the lower abundance Average Joes… but they do not have NO standards.

They’re not boning obese women, grandmas, or transsexuals (or at least most of them are not).

They’re just enjoying a broader sample of female races, nationalities, age ranges, body types, personality types, and looks. Why? Well, because the quantity of available women who are down to go out (or DTF) is always going to be limited. Men who restrict their dating pools and eliminate most of the available women have a hard time reaching (or maintaining) abundance.

In the case of our fictional hero Dan, or for Sam-88 from the start of this article, that would mean he continues hooking up with girls older than the young, hot ones he covets most. Does he have to go for girls he really just isn’t into at all? Of course not.

But he should look for things that attract him to women besides mere youth or innocence. For example: a 29-year-old girl with a body tight from working out and eating right, who’s only had a few long-term relationships that went well with no major baggage. Even if he doesn’t consider her ‘marriage material’, he should still be able to enjoy bedding a girl like that, right?

The benefit of sleeping with more girls, even if they aren’t your ideal types, even if what you’re truly after is that perfect future wife, is all the extra confidence, momentum, smoothness, and experience that abundance brings.

It’s a lot easier to do the right things with that amazing girl you’re destined to be with when you’re already in the habit of doing it with other girls. That is, when you’re not caught in the Abundance Trap.

 

Increase Your Ability to Get More of the Type of Women You Like

Lowering your standards isn’t the only path out of the Abundance Trap.

You can also raise your ability to get the kinds of girls you really like.

Let’s go back to Fictional Dan. After bedding that 19-year-old hottie, he’s realized the late 30s and early 40s girls he’s been bedding off of social circle and online just can’t compare.

He could do what we just talked about, and remember what he likes about those girls again – or at least what he liked about them enough to sleep with them, or look for other things he can enjoy about them.

Or he could just figure out how to get more younger girls.

The ways Dan’s meeting women right now aren’t much conducive to that:

• Due to age filters, it’s going to be hard for him to date much younger on dating apps.

• And because his social circle consists primarily of people close to his age, relying on his current social circles doesn’t help him much here either.

He’s going to need to change his approach if he wants to start meeting younger women.

As Ovid puts it, you must go where the girls are!

The first order of business for any would-be seducer of any type of girl is to put himself around a lot of those types of girls. You can’t pick up a lot of hot 19-year-olds if you’re only meeting a couple a year at barbecues like Dan is. You have to change your meet-girls environment.

Where does your desired demographic of girl hang out? Your mission is to figure that out and start going there.

READ MORE: Finding Your Niche

Birds of a feather flock together, and specific sorts of women cluster in certain places and venues. To get them, you must have access to them, which means going there – often.

What if you’re into younger women but feel uncomfortable going where they go?

What if you’re into black girls or Latinas or whatever else but feel like an outsider where they cluster?

Well, tough, man. Get over it! Either:

1. Get used to being in those places,

2. Find an angle that gives you access to them while still making it seem normal,

3. Or change your tastes.

Those are the options. Anything else is just hoping for the occasional rare once-in-a-blue-moon black swan event (i.e., 19-year-old girl attends a barbecue of mostly 40-year-olds). That’s not playing the odds.

Once you’ve found a steady supply of the kinds of girls you want success with, it’s time to start succeeding with them. That means:

• Adapting your game to better match what your preferred type of girl best responds to (e.g., being a bit more of a teasing jerk to pick up 18-22 y/os)

• Adapting your look to better match what your preferred type of girl best responds to (e.g., adopting more of a ‘trendy conformist popular bad boy’ look to pick up trendy conformist bombshell girls)

• Finding a justification to be there if you really are/would be out of place (e.g., if you’re 60 years old picking up young girls in nightclubs, it’d be best if it was your own nightclub and you were the owner, or at least the club manager. Makes total sense why you’re there now, and you can pick up without looking like a sleaze).

These adjustments will take time and energy to make. But they’ll allow you to bed the girls you want more easily.

Aside from these specific ‘tailoring’ improvements, remember: as you raise your game and fundamentals in general, you improve your odds across the board with all kinds of girls.

A man with truly first-class game and fundamentals can skip tailoring himself altogether. He can just go talk to the girls he wants, and seduce.

Start succeeding a lot more with the kinds of girls you want the most, and you’ll be out of the Abundance Trap – and onto a higher level of abundance.

 

My Recommendation for Abundance Traps

… is that you do both things:

1. Go back to enjoying a broader range of women again.

2. Increase your ability to get more of the type of women you like.

Reminding yourself what you like about a variety of women keeps your abundance up while you raise your skills. Raising your ability with women you strongly desire helps push you to a greater level of abundance.

Think of the Abundance Trap as a bit of a dip along the road from one level of abundance to the next. At your earlier level you were content with what you were getting. Then you got a taste of what was to come – without it actually being abundant yet.

That taste of the next level can make your current level lose some of its appeal. But you’re not next level yet; if you were, you would not be ‘trapped’!

You have to keep your perspective grounded.

You have to still be able to enjoy women you were able to enjoy before.

You have to keep yourself moving forward, too.

Do so, and you’ll escape the Abundance Trap, either to return to enjoying the level of abundance you’re at, to push yourself to those next level results, or both.

Chase