Before You Can Learn, First You Must Deprogram Unhelpful Beliefs | Girls Chase

Before You Can Learn, First You Must Deprogram Unhelpful Beliefs

Chase Amante

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deprogramming bad beliefs
Before you can put new beliefs in, first you must push past old bad beliefs that conflict. But what if you don’t even know you have them?

There are two sides to learning.

On the one hand, there's learning something new. This side is important. You need to learn new strategies to get what you want. You need new techniques. You must give yourself new mindsets, new behaviors, and new mental models. All this is vital.

There's another side though that's a lot more overlooked. This side is in many ways even more important than the first side (learning), because without it, the first side is tough or impossible. This second side is that of unlearning. It is the art of deprogramming.

Everyone knows when a cult member makes it out of a cult, he has to go through a long period of deprogramming. This is worst for children raised within that cult, where the cult is all they've ever known. People raised in a religion who reject that religion go through it. People raised outside religion who later embrace it go through it too. The unlearning -- the deprogramming -- is as crucial as and in many ways more crucial than the learning. Until a man deprograms himself of old beliefs, he doesn't have the room to take on much in the way of new ones.

Deprogramming lies at the heart of switching from an ineffective way of trying to get what you want to an effective way.

Yet, sometimes, some men are wholly resistant to deprogramming.

And when you can't deprogram a man, you can't reprogram him either.

Which is bad for all sorts of reasons, if his old program is not a good, useful, helpful one for him.

Chase AmanteAbout the Author: Chase Amante

Chase woke up one day in 2004 tired of being alone. So, he set to work and read every book he could find, studied every teacher he could meet, and talked to every girl he could talk to to figure out dating. After four years, scads of lays, and many great girlfriends (plus plenty of failures along the way), he launched this website. He will teach you everything he knows about girls in one single program in his One Date System.



Zanardi's picture

A man thinks if a woman resists you at all, it means she isn't interested, and you should stop all pursuit of her

Guilty as charged. In process of deprogramming.

Ben's picture

Chase so if I want to eradicate these harmful beliefs of me thinking that I can't get women because I have eczema,scars,i'm an awkward lover,not a sexy guy,have a soft voice what's more important to getting rid of it? To stop being a bitch and just leave my house to go approach girls even if I feel depressed,incompetent, or just like shit until the concerns that I have with women go away? Or do I really have to adopt the right mental mindset in order to be able to get girls? I hate feeling this way and I know I have the potential to do good with girls because I belief wholeheartedly in everything you guys teach at this site regarding dating and women. I guess i'm the aware,unwilling guy you mentioned but not cause I think nothing works or it's wrong.It's more because I think I can't do it because of those insecurities I mentioned earlier which really eat at me. 

Zanardi's picture

To stop being a bitch and just leave my house to go approach girls even if I feel depressed,incompetent

This. Meanwhile you work on fixing your flaws.

Lover's picture

Embrace your insecurities. Learn to act despite them being there. Right now your truth is "I can not get girls because of bad skin, awkward personality and soft voice". The only change you really need to make is to remove the "not" from that sentence. But creating that new truth comes from experience, not from rolling your thumbs and waiting for yourself to think "oh okay, now I can get girls".

When you have seen yourself sleep with a girl, that's when you gradually decrease the influence of your insecurities.

Xander's picture

Dear Chase,

The same thing happens to me on dates over and over and simply I must ask you for advice. When you mentioned women resistance above in article I must ask you. Sorry if I bother you with too much questions but this kind of failure in seduction disturbs me the most. It is about failed first dates.

The pattern is always the same: to go on date with not good logistics because she does not want to invest in traveling to longer distances. Then she tries to push friendly or non-personal conversation. After I suceed with deep diving to turn conversation to be personal she only talkes about her life path and achivements and is not interesting for what I say or propose. Also does not care about my very honest compliments. Because I do not want to miss escalation windows, usually in the middle of conversation I propose moving to other location or sceduling the second date (due to better logistics) and she firmly declines. Again we continue conversation and I came out with the proposal of other kind of date (some activity together) and she again declines. Every time I try to use panoply of reasons but she is firm. Then after she finishes her story she usually gives me some excuse that has to leave and act dissapointed like I missed escalation window. Before leaving for the last time I try to propose one more date (like: lets grab some cheap and quality drinks these days, I know perfect place) and she usually tells me "I am not in that mood, I won't be available for a long time". Then tells me "good luck" and I never see her again.

Good news are that I can get dates with girls I like and bad they usually end up like this. Last one happened yesterday. Is it possible that these girls just were not interested or available for me? Or I failed to enter to provider or lover category? Two called me bro in conversation so I guess I was friend zoned maybe even before the dates? Could some smooth persistance work after this kind of dates after some period of silence? I usually assume that these girls don't want me and simply cut contact and go to meet other girls. Please tell me your opinion about reasons and potential prevention of failed first dates.

Also I have another problem with expressing lover qualities in larger cities where girls don't know about me. After I remove provider qualities a lot of girls don't see me worth at all and just go away. I use a lot of things to paint myself as lover but I am not there yet. Besides things I read on site what else could be done to increase odds for getting there? Sometimes I feel that some girls would accept me as a lover if I improved or said something but I do not know what.

My last question is not related with this article. I know some girls that friend zone every possible guy they meet. Nobody is good enough for them. And then they go to vacation and hook up with the first guy they meet in nightclub or hotel. Is there effective way for gaming this kind of girls? What causes such behaviour?

Sorry for too many questions and bad English.


SZ's picture

Hey Chase,

1. when you said Indians live with their parents well into college, is it expected all students live on campus?

this is a new one I never heard before, it sounded to me that it's normal that college students live on campus instead of at home.

is it like that from what you know? that it's expected to live on campus or in a student apartment?

what if they don't want debt?

2. How do you maintain the momentum after you force the change after hitting rock bottom? this question is about how you did it as well.

like with the gym, music, girls, ball, etc. 

how did you maintain the momentum that you didn't have before to keep doing this new thing you haven't done? 

if a person is the opposite of hard working, how does he change and keep working hard if he's been non hard working for so long?

how do you change yourself and keep on doing It, what are the steps?

like could you give an example for the gym, ball, girls, etc?

3. what if a person reaches a point where you said a person should be by that time and gives up because he's not there yet?

for example, in your article about being older and being either retired, having your own business, or being high up in where you work by mid 30s if you want younger women.

what if a guy isn't there and gives up because he doesn't have those things by that age? should he just give up on younger women? doesn't matter how the guy gets there, he could have done things right and lost his job and never could get back in the field, he had a business, but it never took off, he hasn't had luck with any job at all. so here a guy is at mid 30s with none of those things financial wise, what is he to do then?   

by reading that article it seems he needs to have one of those by that age or other wise he can't get younger women.

so what would be the solution for him? does he push on to try to get girls as he works on himself even though it sounds like he can't because he isn't where he needs to be financially? or does he give up because he doesn't have those things?

4. is there anything you think I should deprogram from what you know about me and start fresh? let me know what I can work on.


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