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Chase Amante's picture

SZ-

I mean, it depends on the school.

If it's a 'normal' university, then yeah, kinda weird if you don't live on campus at least the first year.

If it's a commuter school or a community college, it's typically more normal to have some/all students commuting from off campus. So very much depends. I was chiefly thinking of big 'normal' 4-year universities.

For maintaining momentum post-rock bottom, building new habits is probably the single most key facet. You have a new habit in place after only 30 or so days (sometimes less; I saw a claim of 21 days for habit formation recently), so you're not telling yourself "I have to do this forever" but "I have to do this for 30 days." Because once the 30 days are past, you're in the habit of doing it, and it now takes little to no will power to continue to do it.

If you're trying to learn a better work habit when you haven't had one, I'd recommend The Practicing Mind. Great book on building good habits and motivating yourself.

I've talked in-depth about giving up before, and suggest you read that article for my full views. But on giving up, if you are The Guy Who Gives Up Too Early I mentioned in that post, then it's mostly comes down to faith. You don't believe continuing on the way you are will get you where you want to go, so you quit. Is that the right answer? It might be! It could be the path you were on really wasn't the right one for you. It may well have been a dead end for you. Or it could just be that was the right path for you, but you quit too soon. Differs on a case-by-case basis.

With something like game though, you have to have a mentality of "Well, if I don't have X thing I probably should have, and I can't change that, then I need to get where I want to get to without that." This is a perfectly fine mentality and it works. It you don't have that mentality, it's because you don't believe it, and it's again a faith thing. It's very hard to teach that and I'm not sure how. I can write plenty about it, and many guys may read that and say "Man, Chase is right, I'm sold," then go get to it. You I know are just like "Man, I don't know, I still have my doubts" about which there isn't much I can do. If a guy shares his points and his stories and anecdotes and advice and you are still doubtful, you need to find some other way to reassure yourself. That might be meeting someone personally who is already doing what you're doing and watching what he does / studying under him. Or it might be finding someone else teaching the thing in a different way that appeals to you more.

4. is there anything you think I should deprogram from what you know about me and start fresh? let me know what I can work on.

Oh, dude... so many things.

I'd start here though:

  • "Women are most attracted to men in their 20s. After 29, it's all downhill."
  • "You've either got to be young or rich if you want to do well with girls."
  • "I don't want to do the notch count stuff Chase recommends. But I'm sure there must be another way to easily reach 100 notches."
  • "I just need to figure out the right magic bullet to make getting the women I want easy. Maybe I can ask Chase enough questions to get him to tell me it."

If you deprogrammed yourself of just those four beliefs, I suspect the rest would take care of itself.

As to your other questions in the other comment: it's a hobby if you want it to be a hobby. Or it can be a passion. An obsession even. Very much depends on the guy.

Me, I approach when I feel like it these days. When I see a very cute girl, or if I'm suddenly just in the mood for it, mostly. I don't need to schedule it or obsess over it at this point. I've pretty much not been single since getting seriously into the game in 2006; there have always been women in my life since from that point forward. Scheduling it and obsessing over it was only something I did during my big learning push between 2006 to 2010. It's a grind to go out all the time and pick up all the time (although I know a few guys who live for that grind... looking at you, Alek Rolstad!). At least for me once I was happy with where I was at I didn't need to make it top priority in my life anymore where I carved out huge blocks of time all the time to be in clubs four days out of the week or have tons of dates set up every week. The obsession/learning phase ends and it just becomes a pasttime you engage in when you feel like it, rather than this thing you "have to do" all the time.

3. Can a semi older guy like me with child-like math skills, failed out of stem, and has 50k student loans debt, have his money handled at all in the not too distant future?

As always, every time you ask this question, sure.

His pathways there are more limited than they are for perhaps some other men. But there are plenty of men with plenty of money who are terrible at math and science and used to be in debt.

That said, to get there, you've got to find something you are good at (or can be good at) that allows you to make money.

And once you find it, you've got to hustle hard.

No guy ever got rich by sitting on his rear waiting for money to strike him.

4. when you wrote about older men in their 40s without their money handled, it made me worry a lot. It's like what do I focus on? I don't want to try and learn to sleep with a bunch of girls as an older man, but I don't want to be broke either or lonely.

so its like I have to do both so I can be set in my 40s, I have to be good with money and women by then.

Fast track one, slow track the other, but work on both.

Go out four days a week, schedule as many dates as possible, tweak your game and fundamentals incessantly, and obsess over game if that's the fast track one. Meantime, be taking little steps that have the potential to grow into something much larger down the line when it comes to money if that's the slow track one (e.g., gradually learn coding. Or Internet marketing. Or a well-paying trade. Chip away at it).

Or do it the other way: get an apprenticeship for some career opportunity with loads of upside, and pull out the stops to do the best job you can, soak up as much knowledge as you can, network like crazy in the space, and turn yourself into the go-to guy on [some unique, critical aspect of the space]. Learn obsessively about it. Become an expert of some key part of your niche. Get known by everyone you can, and maintain an impeccable work reputation. Meantime, flirt with women when you meet them. Ask them out, schedule dates where you can. Get practice in while you can. Slow track it, but still work on it between work.

You can do both. But you probably can't fast track both. That's fine, slow track one while you fast track the other, so you're still making progress on the one, and planting seeds that can grow a lot more a little later down the line.

then comes the kids thing, do I have kids now while young and broke to get it out of the way? or do I wait until I'm older and better off financially? but what if I'm not better off and have no kids, but I'm older now?

then it's too late.

I suggest you get at least women or money handled before you have any children.

Maybe set yourself a hard cutoff if kids are important of "If I hit 42 and I'm still not where I want with women or career, but I know I want kids, this is the age where I say well, time to stop dreaming, and produce some offspring." Or whatever age is your cutoff age for that.

I think I have to get extremely well with money and women at the same time, I want kids, but not until I get both those handled.

Very few people ever get extremely good with both romance and finance.

There is the added wrinkle on top that once you reach the point where you are much better than you are, you still feel like you have a long way to go before you are 'extremely good'. Thus you might actually be pretty well off, relatively to the average man, yet still unhappy with where you're at.

Again, I recommend The Practicing Mind for thinking about this. Excellent book for that.

Chase