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You Only Get One Second Chance

Chase Amante

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Chase Amante's picture

she re-approaches
Talk’s over and she’s gone away. Then there she is: she re-approaches you. Get the re-approach right and she’s yours. But mess up, and, well...

Cold approach is hard.

You get a brief moment with a stranger, and if you do well she gives you some windows. Sometimes things reach a natural end though, where you don’t get the girl then, but it’s time for things to end.

You take her phone number, plan to meet her later, and that’s it for now.

Or maybe it hadn’t gotten that far, and you just say farewell.

Sometimes if she really likes you though... And she starts to feel like she should’ve made her interest clearer or left a window open for you... She will return.

She’ll present herself again, and she will give you a second chance.

She’ll re-approach you, or give you an explicit verbal or nonverbal signal.

But if you don’t jump on her re-approach, that’s usually going to be it.

You’re finished if you miss it.

You might have another shot with her later if you know her via social circle... If you fix attainability and build the preselection to interest her in you again.

However, if it’s cold approach, 99 times out of 100 you’ll just never see her again.

Comments

Neal's picture

This is actually a good article on the evils of women. Ah well, I got banned from Chase forums for making these posts. They were deleted too. The irony though is that my articles were really good, and were deleted, but they reoccur in some other form by authors here.

Author
Chase Amante's picture

To anyone just tuning in, here was my response to Neal's comment:

“Women are Evil”

Chase

Neal's picture

Yo Chase, I wasn't banned on the forum only censored, I will 1 day start a thread titled "An outsider looking in..." and talk about how I could never get into a woman's friendzone as they always view me as an outsider... just like how men are too.

HeWhoHesitatedLostOut's picture

New at cold approaching, but working on it...So, last night I went to a concert by myself. Noticed a cute blonde that looked like she was by herself too. After the opening band, I walked over (standing about 15 ft away) and starting chatting. She was very warm and talkative, seemed to enjoy fun things in life, and told me lots of cool stuff about herself (outgoing, creative/can't sit behind a desk for work, family friend of very influential figure in music industry, etc). I complimented her on her warm vibe, and lightly touched her arm a few times but that was about it as far as me showing interest goes, besides listening and sort of deep diving.

Anyway, before the main band starts, she mentions she's going to watch a couple of their songs and leave (came to see opening band since they're from her hometown). Makes me think I should try to pull a couple of songs in. We talk more, and she mentions leaving after a song or two again, then a few minutes later says she has to get water and restroom and says nice meeting you...I don't see her the rest of the night until...an hour into main band set, I'm standing in another spot and I see her out of my peripheral vision standing about 15-20 feet away. I glanced over but wasn't sure if she saw me there. I thought I might re-engage but wasn't sure if I should...then she left the venue quickly after that song was over and disappeared.

I'm wondering if her mention of leaving early was an escalation window I missed? Especially since she was still there after an hour. Maybe I should have tried a pull at that moment - before the main band started (I also came mainly for the opening band)? And I suppose I should have re-engaged...wouldn't have had anything to lose. I just couldn't put together a good pull plan. Should I have suggested a night cap at my or her place? We both live 20 minutes from concert, 10 minutes from each other. Anyway, this article was very insightful. Any additional insight on my situation would be appreciated. Thanks!

Beck's picture

In that situation I would try going further, I mean, she said ahead of time that she had to go, giving you info that she wouldn't just give to any random she wants to dismiss, so if there was some connection there I surely would tried getting more info on what she would do after or just straight out asking her to join me, it doesn't hurt to try if you do it on a smooth way. What you gotta realise is that windows are short and if you're playing the game you gotta take risks. So just go for it next time, even if you don't suceed you get experience that can be valuable for your next interactions. I'm no expert but I hope it helps :)

anonymous's picture

In adapted missionary will pubic hair irritate the clit? If so how should I combat this? Get a smoothe shave? Let the hair grow a little so it's not so prickly?

Dud's picture

You *want* to apply stimulus - the hood's there to take care of excess abrasion but basically: Natural bits in their natural state rubbing together naturally will feel ... I'll let you guess.

Worry about these sorts of detail only when you're getting into seriously kinky territory. In the ordinary way you only need worry if she says she's hurting; then you kiss it better and work out a satisfactory solution together.

Author
Chase Amante's picture

Anon-

No.

One of the hypotheses floating around in scientific circles on why humans have arm pit and pubic hair is to reduce friction while running (e.g., so arms rubbing against sides and legs rubbing against genitals and each other don't chafe the skin). If that's its function pubic hair should actually reduce chafing.

I can tell you personally, the girls I've experienced the most chafing with using adapted missionary on are the ones with either completely shaved or trimmed/bristled pubic hair (my skin's pretty sensitive though). Girls with a full bush basically never cause chafing.

Chase

Lawliet's picture

Hey Chase,

Great article.
It got me thinkng about my approaches too.
Question about touch,

I read your touch articles, including the different types of touch and ways of touching her and getting her to touch back. In your scenario, what type of touch did you use altogether and how did the escalation process look like (in terms of touch)?

I always try to go incidental touch, but when we're sitting next to each other at a place (or in a bar in your story), there's not a lot of people pushing past so I can pull her (protective incidental touch) away enough as I hope. Sure there's one or twice, but if I'm turning her on, I'll have to pay for 50 pushy actors pushing past ;)

Jokes aside, I'm sure I got some concept wrong in terms of touch.
I tried touching her hand to emphasize a point (another incidental touch)
I was out of ideas for incidental touch.

I get a feeling timing is key,Such as your transition to her lap (which probably isn't incidental touch anymore)

I sometimes just throw my hands up (not literally) and think screw incidental touch. I need to get used to different touches (with reason ofc, I don't have a jail free card).
But If I just stuck my hand on her without a reason (excuse), it'll be too strong.

I remember being fed up, cannot think of incidental touch while we're both sitting at the cafe and tried all else (ex. trying to use my feet to touch hers, but she moves away). That's it, out of ideas. I finally decided screw it, and stuck my hand out to touch hers on the table and then smiling while touching as I kept talking

Side question: What are some rules for touching?
During the date, I kept getting a feeling of "I can't just touch her, I must say something as I do it, or have a reason or it'll be awkward". Not sure if that's true, but I sure just want to grab her hand and stare into her eyes without a bunch a random filler.

Anyways, three touches alone doesn't do anything, how does the build up look like?

It just feels off if I just start sticking my arm over a girl's shoulder, or if I just put my hand on her thigh.

Or if I continously hope a car will speed past to give me an incidental touch excuse.
I bet there should be pauses between touches too for it to feel right for her.

If you have touching exercises (such as 5 incidental touches then you must do x), that'll be a good starter.

Rigid at first, but I must push through.
I've had enough incidental touching (which I can honestly only think of 3 at most.
1. Emphasis as I talk / Patting her for a good response reward
2. Pull her in, guide her across street, safety wise
3. High fives or hand clasp at the end

Out of ideas other than that. I need something sexy!
I've tried adding playfulness as reason to touch, but come on, can we just touch them and turn them on! But my feel keeps stopping me. It has to fit socially (with reason).

So advice on timing of touches, pauses in between touches and smooth transition for touches - incidental to beyond (including touches that happen without excuses...do these exist?)
And finally, how does the build up for touch look like? (can you make a tree chart? or some sort of illustration)

I hope I can see how touching, the whole picture, for how it's like for YOU because my concept feels like I'm limiting myself in a box and I can only imagine touching in a limited number of ways.

I must touch more, Touch them in all kinds of ways. (than just three)
I want to turn them on, to create a sexy experience for us both (and every other girl).

If you plan to write an article on this, can you give me some key tips here so I can get to work right away?
That'll help a lot!

Re: Books on management
I know you have experience with managing people. Any books you recommend that helped you at the level you're at right now?

Thanks,
Lawliet

Author
Chase Amante's picture

Lawliet-

You should touch on high points and when making demonstrations / telling stories. You want to lead the conversation toward things you want to do (like touch her, chase frame, use sex talk, etc.). She tells you something interesting, you reward her with closer body language / touch, etc.

Many girls will give you opportunities to touch them; you just take them. Other girls you need to create the opportunities through high points, etc. These girls can often be more fun once you realize they won’t give you any opportunities and are kind of stiff/out of their elements; you can basically just be the physically aggressive guy and take pleasure in knowing they aren’t used to this / will just roll with it if they dig you.

There are a million rules for touch, and pretty much all of them are breakable. I’ll note that down as an article topic and perhaps get something up on it soon.

I’ll also note down an “example touch escalation” article idea too. That might be fun and different.

For now, make sure you are seated, standing, or leaning physically close to girls so that it’s easy to touch them in a natural way, and focus on touching their forearms, elbows, sides, and thighs as you make points or tease them. Then escalate to touching the smalls of their backs and more intimate places.

Chase

Hux's picture

Hi Chase, just wanted to thank you for your work. I think you're a great writer and appreciate you still contributing while being relevant too.

I just had a silly curious thought a bit Off Topic I know. You mention you travel across the World and Europe too so I wonder if you ever been to Prague, my city and what do you make of it when it comes to the main subject- girls, women and game plus venues. Especially if you had a chance to meet local girls and what is your take on them.

I personally think our city is very good for that :-) but Czech girls...sometimes less so but I know with foreign guys sometimes a different story.

Thanks and keep it up.

Author
Chase Amante's picture

Hux-

I haven’t done Prague yet, no. Only have passed through the airport there.

I’ve avoided the city in part because I’ve heard repeatedly it’s a huge tourist trap and that the women there all have their guards up to foreign men at this point. Generally I try to avoid tourist-y places on principle, and if I hear the women are cagier there even more so!

The Czech women I’ve met outside of Czechoslovakia have been tall and a little gangly, and have the laconic tall person personality to match. Not terribly flirty or warm. I don’t know if this is typical for there or I’ve just had a run of strange luck in the Czech girls I’ve met.

That said, it’s often been my experience that when I have low expectations of a place or its womenfolk, I eventually go there and end up being pleasantly surprised (probably because girls aren’t really that different from place to place – have high expectations and you’ll be disappointed; low expectations and you’ll be pleased). I will check it out sooner or later!

Chase

Mario's picture

Hi Chase,

Excellent article, I definitely need to work on my approach.

I need some advice with a girl that I really like, I have been talking/hanging with her for about 2 months already. Everything started at a business party, we had a chat for about 10 minutes, but she had to leave early because she was going on vacation the next day. That same night after she left, her friend approached me and told me to text her because she liked me. That same night after the party, I texted her and we started talking. Everything was going smooth, we were getting along and everything. She seemed really interested, we talked every day during her vacation for around two weeks. She came back and we started to hang out and everything was perfect, she was really interested. She asked me out a couple of times, we would talk pretty much everyday, she would hit me up all the time; even when I did not. We would laugh together at everything, nothing forced, everything came out smoothly. Everything was going perfect, until a week ago when I messed up during one of our dates. I got mad for the stupidest thing ever, she paid the bill at this restaurant without telling me and I got mad at her. I even gave her the silent treatment on our way back to her house (she got mad at me, even though she said she wasn't, when she got out of my car she slammed the door). Since that day she has been distant, she even told me she didn't want a relationship or anything like that. She has reached out back though, we even talk at least 3/4 times a week, but she has changed a lot since that day. (I am kind of her client, which makes it even harder since I have to see her every two weeks or so. For example I have to see her tomorrow) When she sees me it looks like she stills like me, she gets shy and stuff like that. I don't know what to do, I am not chasing her though!! I stop hitting her up when she started acting distant. However, we still talk every 2 days or something. What should I do? I mean I really like her, but I don't know if I should just let her go, or just go with the flow when she texts me and maybe ask her out again? Even though she told that she liked talking to me and hanging, but did not want a relationship. If I didn't mess up and she started acting like that I would just let her go and just don't think about, but since everything changed the same exact day I messed up, I am stuck in this dilemma. I would really appreciate if you could help me figure this out.

Thank you so much Chase.

SZ's picture

Chase,

what do we talk about at he club and bar? The music is super loud, she's there to dance and have fun. I know you said not to deep dive, so what do we talk about? I no we don't small talk.

Are bars and clubs the same for convo or does it have to be different?

What are things to talk about in a bar or club that will get a girl more into you?

I feel that is what I can do to see better success, I have no idea what to talk about; the two ways I said won't work, you don't deep dive in a club, and you don't do small talk because she won't be interested.

So what do you talk about that makes them want to see you later or again, and makes you different than the rest?

P.S. I bought your book and downloaded it on my old phone many years ago, how do I move it to another phone?

Author
Chase Amante's picture

SZ-

At bars or clubs:

... or if you can get her to a quiet part of the bar (sofa, smoking lounge, etc.), a bit of deep diving can be okay too.

It's more about nonverbal + forward momentum than anything. Do you have sexy body language, facial expressions, and voice tone? Plus, do you move things rapidly forward? If yes, you can tell her about your day in the office and she will be excited. If no, you can have the cleverest conversation in the world, and she will be bored off her ass.

It's not about the subject matter. It's about what you're doing as you cover the subject matter.

As for the book, log into your account on the website and download it again on your new phone. If you've misplaced your login info or you've used up all your downloads, email Genaro (via our contact form) and he'll get you set up.

Chase

Rubes's picture

I offered to give some help to a girl on an online advice site. I honestly just planned on giving advice and I wasn't looking for an in. She has been messaging me since but with a lot of testing type messages - frame challenges, congruence tests. Finally when it felt like we were really vibing a miscommunication happened that killed the vibe. We straightened out but I still thought that would be the end of our communication.

The next day she was colder but also doing more tests than previous days. I handled them correctly and she seems back to normal.

So I am asking if this is something you all know about.

Before the tank she seemed highly interested and during the tank her vibe was more like denial like "this can't be happening" it wasn't "aha found him out"

So is it possible that a regression back to shit tests could be like a second chance in the girl's mind in order to treat the awkward moment like a fluke?

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