How to Use Sex Talk to Set a Sexual Tone and Mood

Today, I wanted to make a quick introduction to using sex talk in sexual framing after reading many requests from our readers. It seems sexual framing is a popular topic around here, and since there’ve been a number of requests for more information about this, I'm happy to oblige.

I thought that an introductory post into my methods for using sex talk and sexual frames, like this article, was in order.

Of course there is a lot more to say about the topic (oh man… so much more; you have no idea how much!) – so consider this just as a starter.

The purpose of this post is to give you an overall idea of how this all works. This will make it simpler for future, even more detailed pieces concerning this topic.

Sexual framing is giving an interaction an underlying meaning consisting of sexual content. The purpose with sexual framing is to lead the interaction to full sex and the easiest way to do so is to put sex on her mind. We can do this implicitly, with gestures, voice tones, and facial expressions, or we can do it explicitly, with sex talk.

But sexual framing itself means a lot more than simply putting sex on a woman’s mind. In its broader definition, it means creating a perception of you in her eyes: a perception of you as a sexual man (a lover).

In human interactions, the way someone perceives somebody else defines her behavior toward that person. For instance, if you perceive someone as a leader, you will start to treat him like one.

If a woman perceives you as an unattractive nerd, she will treat you like one.

If she on the other hand perceives you like a sexual man, she will treat you like… well, she will most likely have sex with you.

The goal with sex talk and sexual framing is to create a perception of you as a sexual being in women’s eyes. I will elaborate why this is key for your interactions with women.

Being the Lover – The Sexual Man

The reason that being perceived as a sexual man is more attractive than anything else is because sex is an important and deeply rooted human need.

There is a lot of scientific research to back this up (not to mention it being more or less common sense!). But I will explain the idea of sex as very important to people in a much simpler way, in case you are coming from a more inexperienced or a more conservative sexual background and aren’t used to thinking of sex this way.

So let’s start by asking ourselves a very simple question: how often do you think about sex? You have probably watched porn and enjoyed it. You read this blog because you are seeking sexual adventures. No doubt that you enjoy sex and you strive for it like every other man out there. It is deeply rooted in our biology.

What about women? Well this one is harder to grasp, especially for men who haven’t had many sexual encounters with women... but women do indeed love and need sex.

But let me convince those of you who still have a hard time understanding how much women care about getting laid.

• Sex toys: think about it, when it comes to sex toys, women have far more options than we have – which means that there is a bigger market for female sex toys than there is for male sex toys. Have you seen those insane dildos on the market? Crazy stuff if you ask me.

• Magazines: what about female magazines? Get one today, and let me know if you find so much as one magazine designed for females that does not contain at least three pages of sex and relationships.

• Books: what about female books? The most sold book to females these days is 50 Shades of Grey, which basically is about a weak BDSM encounter. Garbage book, I say, but it makes you realize a few things.

• Television: what about TV shows? Most women watch the famous Sex and the City, which basically is all about fashion, drama and sex… and even more sex.

• Clothes: women are really into fashion because they want to look good. Do you have any idea how much time they spend in front of a mirror trying to look good? This is because they want to attract potential mates!

Sex is a very strong need that affects our everyday behavior. Sex is, in my opinion (and most scientists would agree), one of our biggest needs.

So let me ask you now: does it now make sense that a man who is perceived by females as a sexual being (“a sexual man”) is also the most attractive one?

How Sexual Framing Works

We often refer to framing and frame control when we are talking about seduction and picking up women.

A frame is referred to the underlying meaning of the interaction. This meaning defines the perception a girl will have of you (which again defines her behavior toward you).

You should never ask how to set a frame, because every interaction you are having in your everyday life consists of framing. The better question is – how do you set the right frames (or at least your desired frame)? This is what we will cover here.

When you talk to your mother, there is a certain frame, and when you talk to some friends, there is another one. The content of the interaction is different, and so the frame changes.

If you perceive the women you are talking to as female friends, the frame you will set is “I am a friendly guy” frame. As a result, you will get friend zoned instantly. The reason many men get friend zoned is that they actually believe that being friendly to a women is the gateway to her heart – so here we see how their beliefs affects the outcome (which we will get back to in a minute). The problem is that the friendly guy will start treating a woman like a friend, which again will affect the frame, and so the outcome – her behavior toward that guy.

However, we all know that the pathway to a woman’s heart runs through her vagina. By knowing this and understanding this at a fundamental level, you may treat women as sexual beings.

Here are some example of beliefs an attractive, sexual man can have – I will share another small list later on in this post:

1. That you understand and accept that women love sex.

2. That good sex is important to women.

3. That sex is the pillar of every type of sexual relationship (everything from one-night stands to monogamous marriages).

With such beliefs in mind, you start looking differently at woman, which affects the way you communicate with them. If these beliefs reflect your perceptions of women, then be sure that they will affect the way you communicate.

This will again affect the frame, because you will start having interactions with women with the underlying purpose of leading it to something beautiful – namely, sex – because you now believe women seek this.

The frame will now become a sexual one – because you are now communicating a different underlying meaning. When your frame is sexual, it will affect a woman’s perception of you – you are now perceived not as a friend, but as a sexual man, who understands her sexual needs. This will typically lead to a completely different outcome than if you interacted with her as a potential friend – i.e., a “friendly frame”.

Okay; I understand this might be hard to grasp. Let me explain what I’ve just gone over in a very simplified model, so you can get an idea how your beliefs affect your actions and their outcomes:

1. Belief: perception of women (i.e. women love sex).

2. This belief affects the way you will communicate with a girl (i.e. you will treat like a sexual being).

3. This will define the underlying meaning of the conversation with her – set the frame (a sexual frame).

4. As a result of the frame set, her perception of you will be defined (i.e. a man you understand women’s sexual needs – a sexual man).

5. Her perception of you will define the way she will behave toward you. Some perceptions are more attractive than others. Being perceived as a sexual man is probably the most attractive one.

Let us now dig deeper into the connection between beliefs and framing / sex talk – the relationship between internal and external perspectives on this.

We will cover the gap between having certain beliefs to creating a perception of you in her mind. This section is about understanding how our beliefs affect our interactions. We will also cover how to convey our beliefs – in other words, we will analyze how to use sex talk to set the right sexual frames.

The Beliefs

As we just covered, in order to set a sexual frame, you need to start off by having the right beliefs. This is where your belief system comes in.

The way systematic seduction works is that you have certain beliefs that define you – define whom you are – which you will now convey to a woman. This will give her a perception of who you are, and if her perception of you is attractive in her eyes, then she will (obviously, and necessarily) become attracted to you.

Lots of things are attractive, such as looks, attitude and posture. But personality also matters; our personality is heavily defined by our belief system. So in order to convey an attractive personality, you need to convey attractive beliefs – your attractive beliefs.

Therefore, we need some good beliefs that we would like to communicate. I am planning to write a more detailed post concerning the beliefs and the mindsets of “the sexual man” in the near future (as there are many of them), but I will give you a handful of beliefs that you can use today:

1. I know that women love sex.

2. I understand that women hide their sexual needs because they are afraid of getting judged.

3. I know women like dirty and kinky sex – because that is what is hot.

These beliefs will affect your behavior toward women, and set the frame.

Using Sex Talk to Communicate Your Beliefs

The next step is basically about conveying your belief system – setting the frame in a conversation into a sexual one. For example, you can convey that you are aware of the fact that women love sex.

A good way to convey this is to treat a woman like a sexual being; for instance, touching a girl without remorse, or by actually directly stating that, “Hey babe, you can’t fool me; I know women love sex.” This way, you are communicating your beliefs. This is what the techniques and tactics of “game” are basically all about.

Here is a short list on how you can communicate the following (there are of course many other ways to do the following):

• Nonverbally, treating her according to how you perceive her (according to your beliefs).

• You can engage in sex talk and pretty much state your own beliefs concerning women and sexuality.

• Talking about your beliefs indirectly – talking about women in the light of your beliefs.

Here’s an example of using sex talk to communicate your beliefs about women and set the proper sexual frame:

You: I know you women are acting like all you girls are looking for are nice men who treat you well. You act like all you seek so passionately is love. I believe sex actually plays a much higher role than love, I think you women wants to fuck just for the sake of fucking.

Her: I actually prefer having sex with a boyfriend. For me sex without love is bad!

You: I understand what you mean, sex with an emotional connection is special: there is so much intimacy, trust and a strong connection. However, let me ask you, why do most women enjoy fucking their dildos? Are you in love with your dildo? [you don’t want to come across as offensive or attacking her so-called values, so make sure you communicate that you agree with some of her points in order to avoid her responding in a defensive way. After that feel free to chime in with your argument. This is called pacing and leading]

Her: [laughs] No, I am not in love with it. Well, I like my toys a lot!

You: Then you can have sexual pleasures without love? I admit that sex with a strong emotional connection is nice, but having sex with a stranger is different – but still as good: no complications; the experience of fucking a stranger; and the fact that nobody knows him is just awesome, don’t you think?

Her: Yeah, okay, I agree… but …[the "but" added in there by her so as not to lose face]

You: Talking about dildos… What kind of dildos do you have? Do you have some funny ones [no point in making her lose face, you got you point out; now move on]?

Let us go for another example, with another example woman:

You: You women are like double-edged swords!

Her: What makes you say that?

You: Well, on one side, I know that you all love sex – it is a necessity that you do, else our species would die out.

Her: That’s true; I like the way you lay it out.

You: But women still act like they don’t like sex; whenever a man makes a move they hold themselves back; this is because they are afraid of the slut label. I completely understand that; because you, like me, care about your social status. [showing your understanding]

Her: Indeed!

You: But it is still so unfair that women can’t express freely their true love for something as beautiful as sex!

Her: Oh my god! You are so right! [women love this one – I’ve never once had a bad reaction from using this line]

I feel a third sex talk and sexual framing example might do us good:

You: Do women actually prefer threesomes with two men or one man and a woman; share your opinion, I am very curious about it. [obviously you are indirectly communicating that you perceive women as sexual beings by asking this question. Again, wait a little till you know she is a little into you and you’ve gotten a little rapport before asking such questions]

Her: I personally prefer a threesome with one girl and one man!

When you communicate your beliefs, you will set a frame. This time you communicate according to your beliefs around sex. Your communication was then mostly sex talk about sex. As a result, you will frame the interaction sexually – you will set the sexual frame.

THE BOTTOM LINE IS THIS: You set a sexual frame by communicating your beliefs around sexuality.

Her Perception of You

From setting a sexual frame, she will create a perception of whom you are.

Her perception of you will:

• Create attraction: if that perception of you is attractive, then she will become attracted: as we have already covered, sexuality is important to most human beings. Therefore, a sexual man is attractive in a woman’s eyes as he can cover one of her most fundamental needs. The more fundamental and important the need is, the more she will seek it.

• Create rapport: if there is a connection between her personality and the personality she perceives in you then rapport will be created. 99% of the female population loves sex. Most women have social reputation management concerns, which mean that they hide their sexual behavior in order to not be judged by our society. Most women like dirty sex (again, why is 50 Shades of Grey a bestselling book?). By communicating all this you will be creating strong rapport with her, because you are understanding and liberating something truly fundamental about her that normally she needs to suppress.

• Create expectations: she knows what to expect from you. As you are being perceived as a sexual man and a sexual man only, she knows that if she sticks with you, sex and only sex is the possible outcome. Therefore, she will either leave or go to bed with you. But as sexual men are rare (as most men believe women are asexual beings), she will most likely grab her chance and have sex with you. Odds of last-minute resistance occurring are minimized, because when you do make a move on her, it is expected.

• Make her horny: obviously being a sexual man makes girls horny: behaving like one by touching her, or by employing sex talk, very rapidly makes a woman horny.

How to Use Sex Talk, Sexual Beliefs, and Sexual Frames

1. Your beliefs concerning sexuality define your views around women, and about sexuality in general.

2. Your beliefs affect the way you communicate to women. In this case, with sexual beliefs, you will communicate in a much more sexual way.

3. The way you communicate with women affects the frame. It will in this case, with sex talk and sexual nonverbal communication, set a sexual frame.

4. The frame will affect her perception of you. In this case, with a sexual frame set, a woman will perceive you as a sexual being.

5. Her perception of you will affect the way she treats you – behaves around you. In this case, where she perceives you as a sexual being, she will treat you like a sexual man – which will most likely lead to sex.

There is a lot more to be said about sex talk, sexual beliefs, and sexual framing. Of course, there are a few details lacking, but do not worry; there will be a whole bunch of other posts concerning these topics coming from me. I will in the next rounds go more in detail on finer grain specifics of sexual framing and the like. But, like everything else in this world, we have to start somewhere – and this is just the beginning.

Until next!

Alek

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READ NEXT: “How to Use Sex Talk, Part II: Case Study.”