Mindsets | Page 9 | Girls Chase

Mindsets

Image: 
mindsets
Weight: 
0

Is It Moral to Be a Hedonist?

Alek Rolstad's picture

By: Alek Rolstad

is hedonism moral
Many guys who learn pickup and seduction struggle with the morality of living a hedonistic lifestyle. This is a legitimate dilemma, so let’s get philosophical.

Hey guys. Welcome back. Today I will take a step away from the technical posts and share more of a reflection.

Over the years, I've seen that the philosophy of picking up women and seduction is closely related to hedonism. Both defenders and critics have used the hedonist argument to both praise and criticize pickup.

Pickup is viewed as hedonistic because the element of pleasure, or more importantly, short-term sensual pleasure is central. Some, including our own Hector Castillo, have presented some solid analysis on the main blog and the forum.

I would like to give you my take on the subject. Honestly, I doubt my opinion will differ much from Hector’s, but I may add some different perspectives.

Some questions we will try to answer are:

Whether or not you agree with my points is irrelevant. The purpose of this post is to offer another perspective that may help you evaluate your values and perhaps even challenge your ethical system so that you may come out stronger.

How to Win at Seduction: Maximize Strengths and Minimize Weaknesses

Tony Depp's picture

seduction success
Not all men are born lady killers. Lucky for us, the seduction community has proven time and again that even YOU can get hot girls by focusing on what you can control.

Because most guys haven’t had success "just being themselves," they think verbal game is the only essential skill in seduction. There’s no possibility that a girl may be waiting to meet a guy who looks like you, right? You’re not good looking, or tall, or rich. There’s zero chance that she may be single, bored, lonely, or horny, and you’re just her type at the right time and place?

It’s the men who don’t try often enough who are the first to cry “Only looks matter!” They have inner-game issues related to their self-image (e.g., I’m ugly). So, I get them to record audio of their approaches with their phones, and unsurprisingly, their conversations are boring: no emotion, no insights, just surface level small talk. Then they wonder why they’re getting phone numbers, but not dates. It must be because they’re so ugly, they figure.

I also get these eccentric guys. They show up dressed like bums, or clowns, with nose hairs jutting out, loose, dirty clothing, or fashion from 1996 hip hop culture. They never run out of things to say, and their conversations are anything but boring. They also believe they’re the most handsome of all men. They have astronomical self-esteem. But the women don’t want anything to do with them because they feel embarrassed being seen with these guys.

So as a coach, I quickly slot men into categories:

And so forth.

Every man can improve himself. But he has to believe it’s possible and be willing to put in the effort.

seduction success

As far as these low-self-esteem cases, the one thing they have in common is that they’re “not enough.” They’re just not good enough (in their minds) to get the hot girls. They’re not good-looking enough, and they just don’t know what to say. They think if they could correct one of those issues, then everything would turn around for them.

That’s what they tell themselves, anyway. If they were better looking and had game, everything would work out. Well, isn’t that why we’re learning this stuff? Because we’re not all born handsome and witty?

It’s how I used to think, too: I wasn’t good enough for hot girls. I was too short, too fat, too skinny, too young, too old, too plain, and I had to talk myself attractive. Once I discovered the pickup community, it was like being handed a magic wand. All I had to do was practice these tactics and techniques, so I’d finally know exactly what to say to girls. Now, almost 14 years later, I still have no idea what to say to girls to get them to like me. But I’m a lot more confident, and women like that trait.

Here’s the truth about “Game.” As a science, it was made for average, frustrated chumps. Not good-looking, social geniuses.

We’ve learned:

Pickup vs. Seduction: Is There a Difference? (Yes!)

Chase Amante's picture

By: Chase Amante

pickup vs. seduction
Pickup: the art of finding a girl to take home. Seduction: the art of influencing her mind, to create desire and other urges. How do the two relate… and which is better?

On Tuesday I talked about succeeding with closed or 'impossible' girls... inspired by a tussle over the subject we had on the Boards.

There's another nuance I want to discuss before we wrap this subject up though. That is the distinction between pickup and seduction.

While related -- and while the two terms are often used interchangeably (including by me) -- they are in fact different.

Knowing what the difference between the two terms is will aid your thinking about both... as well as your ability to use each area in the most effective way.

Do You Only “Think” She’s Out of Your League?

Tony Depp's picture

she's out of my league
Why do you think she’s out of your league? Is it because she really is, or is it because you’ve put her there for no good reason?

Most guys who immerse themselves in pickup theory are looking to date up, not down. They want the women they’ve fantasized about, and they won't settle for less.

That’s why I got into this stuff. I was so incredibly insecure that just talking to a pretty girl would trigger a panic attack. Then if I found the guts to approach a girl (I rarely did), I’d stutter, sweat, and say ridiculous things that made no sense.

I could stare longingly at the beautiful girls, but I had no clue how to capture their attention. And besides, they were out of my league. These girls didn’t hook up with guys like me. They went out with the popular, outgoing guys, not the introverts.

 

Transformation

So as I neared my 30s and really delved into this seduction stuff, it all made sense. It wasn’t that I wasn’t good-looking enough, too short, or too low on the social ladder. I just didn’t understand the women’s point of view. I had no grasp of psychology — theirs or my own.

I spent years reading, watching videos, going out day and night to parties, social events, and did cold approaching at the mall just so I could look into a beautiful girl’s eyes in a way she’d know that I’m used to women like her. It’s no big deal. She’s safe with me.

Where men are primarily attracted to looks, women have much different attraction mechanisms. If you understand female psychology, you can use this to date women you might have considered out of your league.

You Must Fix Your 'Inner Game' (by Doing External Things)

Chase Amante's picture

By: Chase Amante

inner game
"Inner game" is the way you play the game on the inside. Good inner game is crucial – but the way to improve yours is not alone in a room in front of the mirror.

I had a call earlier with our director / casting director Casandra, who is always an absolute joy to talk to. Casandra was pivotal to the filming of my 'get the girl in one date' program One Date & The Dating Artisan, as well as a few other programs we're set to release in the next couple months (including my long-delayed course on personal charisma and a bachelor lifestyle, and another on touch).

On our call we discussed a new project we want to do for this lockdown situation. While we were on it, Casandra told me a rather incredible story of her own about guys she'd encountered who still had a lot of 'inner game' work to do.

The coaching I want to do is one where, rather than have a student on with a coach, then send him out between sessions to practice in the real world with women (which many guys can't do now due to the lockdown), we instead have him alternate between coaching sessions and video 'date' sessions with beautiful girls we've trained to go on these practice dates with guys so they can do what they've covered with the coach despite the lockdown.

Casandra liked the idea and we are at present setting that up (it's still going to be a week or two before I'll be able to tell you more... but if you're interested, you can fill out this form; we'll be in touch as soon as we can say more about it).

Anyway... as we talked about this, Casandra told me a story of her own, that related to the kind of thing we discussed.

A while back, she'd worked with another date coach, named Leo. Leo was helping a group of U.K. students who were 'below beginner' in romantic experience. They had very little experience with women, although Casandra said they were all "nice people, not weird or bad, they all looked normal, some were even handsome."

Leo decided to put these guys into one-on-one interactions with beautiful women to acclimate them to women like that. Casandra recruited the girls, and also joined herself.

Then came go-time. When the students started talking to the women normally, just in a normal person-to-person interaction, everything was fine.

But then, Leo told each student to imagine that he had approached his girl, that she liked him, and now he was talking to her. After Leo told the guys this, Casandra cocked her head a bit and smiled at the guy she was paired up with. Just a very cute, warm little smile (she showed me this smile. Totally harmless smile).

And her guy started crying.

A number of the guys started crying.

The moment they were asked to imagine these were girls they'd approached, they just lost it, and started bawling.

Casandra said she was shocked at the response. And honestly, while I have been in this business for 12 years, I was also a little surprised to hear this. Probably because many of the guys we get on GC are not total hard case beginners... many of them are guys who have a little dating success under their belts already and just want to up their results.

And I will say -- even when I was totally socially isolated myself (in my teens), I still had beautiful girls flirting with me or pursuing me (because I did other stuff to seem cool and attract women in). So I always felt 'entitled' to hot women.

Hearing about guys crying when faced with beautiful women they were told to imagine they'd approached got me thinking about this whole 'broken inner game' thing.

Because certainly, if a guy is starting out in a place like that, his inner game needs work.

Do You Feel Anxious Around Women? Don’t Let Them See It

Varoon Rajah's picture

anxiety is a turn-off
Women are attracted to confidence, and anxiety is the opposite of confidence. So if women don’t find anxiety sexy, but it’s a normal feeling, what can we do about it?

Having recently lost a lover because of anxious thoughts, I figured it would be useful to cover how to address anxiety with women and dating.

While anxiety is a normal human emotion, some people feel it more than others. It’s a terrible weakness to display around a woman and is the opposite emotion from a “turn-on” and sexual excitement.

Think back to your most memorable sexual experiences, if you’ve had some. Was anxiety present? Would anxiety have helped the experience? If yes, did the anxiety make the situation better?

Most likely, your best experiences around women involve no anxiety at all. But if you’ve had experiences that did include anxiety, and I’ve had many, I can attest that these moments become question marks in women’s eyes.

Anxiety, especially if it shows up at critical moments like the first kiss or the first escalation, can ruin your chances to get a woman and keep seeing her.

Men will often experience anxiety and nervousness in critical moments during a seduction:

On the journey of getting better with women, men must train themselves to never feel anxiety around women, particularly in the critical moments mentioned above. As a rule, it’s best to avoid showing any anxiety around a woman you want to be sexual with.

10 Things to Do During Your Coronavirus Quarantine

Tony Depp's picture

coronavirus quarantine things to do
 

This weekend, Chase posted an article titled "Can You Still Meet People During Coronavirus?" The article is jam packed with great statistics and details about what to expect in the coming weeks and months, and how your dating life could be impacted by the COVID-19 pandemic. Depending on your local quarantine situation (or whether you've chosen to self-quarantine), the answer to the title question can feel pretty bleak.

You could be facing weeks of strict social distancing or complete isolation. If so, after you've sorted out your good-citizen strategy to slow the spread of the virus, you may suddenly realize a greater need to tend to your sanity.

We may not be accustomed to our new (albeit temporary) way of life, but that's no reason to let ourselves stagnate by just waiting things out. In fact, a global pandemic is a great excuse to have a quarantine vacation and focus on inner game and lifestyle work.

I define inner game as everything that makes you proud and happy to be you. So whatever you do that improves the quality of your life will increase your inner game.

Rather than obsessing over the constant stream of news about the coronavirus and resulting economic perils, we can use this time to improve the neglected areas of our lives, like health, wealth, and happiness.

Focus on what you can control. By doing so, you'll come out the other end of this thing more ripe, not rotten. So here are 10 things you can do to improve (or at least occupy) yourself during your coronavirus quarantine.

How to Stop Being a Simp: 10 Steps

Chase Amante's picture

how to stop being a simpSomehow, despite the existence of this website, and the half million to million people who read it every month, there are apparently more men desperate for female approval than ever in recorded history.

There is an outright simp epidemic.

Is there anything sadder than a man who swallows his pride, pedestalizes the feminine, and launches limp-wristed attacks against his fellow man in a feeble attempt to curry favor with women?

Truly, there is no man more tragic than the simp.

First, here is the SIMP TEST. Watch this video, and pay careful attention to your emotions:

SIMPING IS KING SHIT CONFIRMED pic.twitter.com/B7kF1f6wfN

— Ching (@Hotline_Ching) March 10, 2020

Did you experience a sort of cognitive dissonance, and a kind of revulsion that says, "Though this woman is young and attractive, I find her oddly and off-puttingly moronic, and I also think she is lying?"

Congratulations, you are not a simp. The rest of this article does not apply to you.

However, you may want to read it anyway to make especially sure to inoculate yourself against the dangers of simp-dom.

On the other hand, if, when watching that video, did you not experience any cognitive dissonance, and instead experienced a swelling of pride? Did you feel something along the lines of, "This beautiful woman recognizes me for my superior quality?"

If so, I regret to inform you you are a carrier of SIMP.

But don't fear.

There is a cure.

If you follow my 10-step method, we can restore your testosterone levels to normal, train you to prefer manly domination over effeminate obeisance, and make you a man women actually respect and desire to sleep with (perhaps even chase), rather than one they manipulate then giggle about as he conducts himself in embarrassing fashion on their behalfs.

Stop Obsessing Over Hypothetical "What Ifs" (If You're Not in the Field)

Chase Amante's picture
obsessed over what ifs
Are you worried about what might happen if you start to talk to women or date? These 'what ifs' are common – but also immobilizing.

Lately we've had a spate of guys in the comments or on the forums worried about this or that potential, hypothetical situation.

Typically these guys are not actually in the field. i.e., they are not actively approaching women and getting live experience with the opposite sex. Or, if they are, their activity levels are minimal.

Thus, these hypothetical situations are really more of a series of thought experiments for them.

And while it is good to try to get yourself some answers in advance, when you go too far into hypotheticals all you are really doing is tying yourself up.

The stuff guys get caught up worrying about when they're not active in the field tends to be stuff that they will almost never run into once they ARE active... or stuff that, if they run into it once they are active, they'll easily handle.

Or will discover is not actually that big of a deal.

Yet, because they aren't active, and are just imagining these things in their head, just like with the One Special Girl Problem™, and the Amazing Connection With A Girl You've Just Met Problem™, it is all too easy to blow things way out of proportion in their imaginations, and start fixating on stuff that is not as significant as they think -- or may not even be there at all.

"Pickup Artist Advice Doesn't Work!"

Chase Amante's picture
pick up artist advice
Have you tried out some advice from a pick up artist and it didn't work? Was it some pretty extreme bad advice, like "always do this super intense thing"?

I've interacted with lots and lots of students over the years.

You see all types, in terms of depths of study and levels of results:

  • There are the guys who study seduction for a bit and use it to get some lays and find a girlfriend

  • Then there are the guys who study seduction in-depth and go on to get respectably good with girls -- they rack up respectable notch counts, get some beautiful girls, and build a mini harem or settle down with a top notch long-term partner or wife

  • There are the guys who poke around with it a bit, read some, watch some, experiment a little, but never really commit to learning it, and drift off, eventually meeting whatever women come into their lives in more conventional ways (e.g., dating a friend's ex... hooking up with a girl from work... meeting some chick off a dating app, etc.)

  • Then you get guys who get into seduction for a while, do well with girls, but drift off to something else before they can really cement their results, presumably because woman success doesn't really do a lot for them and something else is more engaging to them

  • And, finally, in the 'most likely to leave irate and disappointed' category, you get the guys who get into it, became obsessive about it, but focus on the wrong things, and proceed to struggle for a while (sometimes for years), until they eventually flame out, sometimes angrily so

Among the guys who've actually studied seduction, except for those guys who flame out, there are generally positive feelings. It's pretty hard to argue that things like "keep your posture tall and erect" and "lead your conversations where you want them to go" is bad or harmful advice. Even if a guy doesn't stick with it long enough to get many immediate results, he will generally appreciate whatever he did learn.

However, there is a class of student that's mystified me for a long time.

This class of student will show up later on, typically after he's become disillusioned with a branch (or all branches) of seduction for this or that reason, and either accuse you (the teacher), or other teachers in the space, of giving shoddy advice that doesn't work.

Then you will ask him what this advice is that is not working for him, and he will tell you things that no seduction teacher has ever told a student to do, and that violate what you yourself personally tell people to do.

And you will wonder how did this chap get it in his head that this horrible advice he has seemingly pulled out of thin air is in fact what seduction teachers want people to do?

When I figured out what caused this, it also led me to a thinking mistake many students of just about any field (including seduction) appear to be prone to make.

That problem is the problem of thinking in extremes.