Confidence | Girls Chase

Confidence

How confidence affects results with women, and how to get your confidence, boldness, and "inner game" tightened up and running smoothly.

Does Having Good Looks Come with Disadvantages?

Good Looks Come with Disadvantages
To combat the myth that “looks are all that matter” for getting laid, we examine several disadvantages of good looks you’ve likely never considered.

Hey, guys! Welcome back.

If last week’s post where we discussed the importance of looks in pickup did not convince you that looks actually are far from being one of the most important aspects in meeting women, then this post is for you.

So let’s quickly recap. Last week we discussed how good looks can:

  • Help you give a good first impression and get the ball rolling for you. This is key because you need to start somewhere, but a start is just a start. Much more than some basic early game flirting is required to get the girl.

  • Good looks allow a woman to accept and rationalize her attraction to you – however, there are other key factors that can help you achieve this.

  • Good looks are far from being a game winner, but really bad looks is a game killer.

  • In regards to the point above, better looks can be achieved. Most guys can reach the minimum threshold. Today we will discuss some other aspects of looks that you may not have considered.

To me, good looks is just another parameter one must adjust to. Same goes for average looks and bad looks. Personally, I have had times where I did not care about my looks, and even got fat. However, I presently spend lot more time getting in shape, dressing well, and taking good care of my hair and trimming my facial hair.

No matter what phase I was going through, I had an equal amount of lays. However, keep in mind that when I was less good looking, I had to “work” harder to convince girls to give me a shot, and the hooking phase was harder. But once in, getting the girl was not that much more difficult.

But wait! That’s not to say that good looks do not make it easier for you. In fact, I definitely got more hooks when I wasn’t fat… so appearance and looks are important.

Why Are So Many 'Pick Up Artists' Uncool?

pickup artist wannabes
If you meet many 'pick up artists', you may realize the majority aren't very cool. There's a very good explanation as to why (and it's not that talking to girls doesn't work).

Over on the forum, one of our members, Ree, asked a provocative question: "Are pick up artists losers?"

He notes:

"Man i have to ask a very tough question.

when i got into seduction,i imagined a seducer is a guy like james bond.

someone who knows how to handle any social situation,someone skilled,well off,charming and with super tight fundamentals.

yet I am in a whatsapp group with a bunch of seducers and only a few satisfy this image.

most puaz that i have had the misfortune to meet,are guys who have read every article of gc but still have victim mentality,entitlement ,bitterness ,very poor fundamentals,meagre results and when i point this out to them,the reactions are usually very hostile and explosive.

something else i have noticed,the few guys who are good and normal would never react like this

for example, say you walk up to me and say, "ree : your girls are ugly"

i would either try to do something about my purpotedly ugly girl,or i would shrug and ignore you,both ways,nothing anyone can say would make me explode with rage.

however in my experience most people take any criticism very badly,
and this just does not affect their seduction only,most puaz i know are jobless or they have very low value,on top of that ,after reading countless articles,they walk around life with a "i know it all attitude"even though they have no credible achievements.

what is your experiences for those of you who have hang around puaz?is the same true for you guys too?"

If you've met many guys into seduction, you've undoubtedly noticed what Ree has: many aren't so good. Many carry around a lot of negative mindsets. The majority aren't so open to criticism. And by and large, many aren't cool.

But why should this be so -- aren't PUAs, by definition, supposed to be babe magnets?

How to Pick Up Girls When You're Broke

pick up girls broke
No woman wants to be with a broke guy. Or does she? With a few adjustments, it's easy to do fine with girls, even when you're broke.

In my recent article on limiting beliefs, a reader named Dr. Klas asked:

"Hey Chase,
Thanks for the article — very in-depth as always.
Now, I have this limiting belief “When I’m broke, I can’t get a girl”. Since you haven’t really written an article on how to get a girl when broke can you please address this issue.

I find that I’m usually depressed when I’m broke and I just close off — or reject myself even if a girl likes me. But when I’ve got cash, I do a whole lot better. Is it a matter of self-esteem?

I don’t know why this is or what to do to prevent this. Should I just tell girls “Hey, I’m having a hard time at the moment” or “I’m broke, I can’t do X”.

What should be our response and behavior towards women when we are broke? I think a lot of guys will appreciate this."

Okay, sure. This is something I've talked about a bit in the past -- picking up girls when broke or unemployed -- but haven't gone in-depth on.

It actually is pretty closely related to the limiting beliefs concept too, because a lot of what seems to hold men back from doing well with women when broke are limiting beliefs (like Dr. Klas's).

One reason I haven't gone as in-depth into this topic before is because there are multiple routes to 'broke'. One is to start out not-broke, then end up broke, which was my route there. The other way is to start out broke and just always have been broke. I don't have experience with the second route, though I've known guys who have been that and have done quite well with women. I can talk intelligently about the first route though -- and I'll try to make the points there as applicable to the guys who get there via the 'started broke' route as possible too.

Why Getting Tables and Bottles at Clubs Doesn’t Get You Laid

Getting Tables and Bottles at Clubs Doesn’t Get You Laid
Do you go to clubs and feel you can’t compete with dudes who get tables and bottles and have hot women sitting with them? Well, you shouldn’t. Here’s why.

Many times, when I head out with a group of guys, I see that many of them feel inferior to dudes with tables and bottles of champagne and whatnot. Normal guys feel these men have an easier time getting laid because they usually have more female company.

And here you are, a chump with a bottle of cheap beer in your hand. How the hell are you going to compete with those guys?

Well, here’s the thing. I don’t consider having tables or bottles to be an advantage when it comes to getting women in bed. The only advantage those guys do have is the confidence kick they get from having so much – i.e., other people seeing them with a bottle gives them an inflated sense of value.

The idea that bottles or tables equate to high status or easy women is a false perception that clubs use to make money. They’re just using lizard-brain marketing triggers that get you to hand over more of your money. It’s a bit like traveling first class on a plane – sure, it can be worth it sometimes, but the folks in coach still fly just as far.

Clubs need to make money, so I don’t blame them, but I have noticed that many guys – especially in higher-end clubs – start feeling very insecure when they see guys with flashy bottles of crappy champagne. In that moment, they’ve already lost. Coming off as insecure or inferior is a terrible angle when attracting women. That is why men struggle in high-end venues.

It’s also why many men tend to avoid these venues in favor of more relaxed, easygoing places – because they are more egalitarian in nature. However, those guys will be missing out on a ton of hot girls. High-end venues not only have hotter girls, they also have more girls.

So, perhaps it’s time to cure that inferiority complex. I'm sure you need more convincing, of course, so let me explain why I don’t consider having a table and bottles to be an advantage.

12 Limiting Beliefs Men Have About Women

limiting beliefs
If you have one of these beliefs about women, it's holding you back... and you probably don't even realize it.

Each man sees the world in a different way.

Some of the differences between how one man sees the world and how the next one does are slight. Other differences, though, are extreme.

If a man holds the right beliefs, he unshackles himself to achieve success beyond his most fantastic hopes and dreams. If he holds beliefs that limit him though, he may stumble into great ravines on the road to wish fulfillment... or he may chain himself fast, so that he never starts on the road to fulfillment at all.

There are four types of limiting beliefs men hold:

  1. Inaccessibility ("I can't get/have what I want")

  2. Over-accessibility ("I can have that whenever I want")

  3. Transience ("Once I have it, I'm destined to lose it")

  4. Permanence ("Once I have it, or someone else does, it's forever")

Those beliefs boil down into two dimensions: one of accessibility, and the other of transience/permanence.

The most accurate belief sets abandoned these extremes. Men who succeed most stop thinking about the world in terms of the blacks and whites of beliefs like these, and view it as a vast world of gray -- a promising world of gray, with boundaries and limitations, but where most things are achievable, though not always easy.

Today we're going to talk about 12 common limiting beliefs men have about women and dating. Hang onto these beliefs, you'll make costly mistakes, or never get far with women at all. Wouldn't it be neat though, to be free of these beliefs -- and free to meet the women you want, date them how you want, and get success with them that seems out of reach to most other men?

The best way to overturn limiting beliefs is through action, because action is where you put your beliefs to the test -- and find out which hold up, and which do not. We'll talk about this below too.

We'll begin with one of the most common limiting beliefs: that girls like that are simply too hot for you.

Stop Assuming Other Men Are Better Than You

don't compare your success with other men
If you keep asking yourself why you suck so bad with women while all these other dudes are getting laid, there are probably some things you aren’t taking into account.

Lately, I’ve been writing a lot of posts to debunk common ideas that I believe are wrong. I decided to follow up with a problem I see a lot of men suffering from – and that I also struggled with.

That is when you start comparing yourself to other men’s success. You see them with girls and feel inferior. This happens especially when you don’t find yourself in female company. You start seeing these other men – either willingly or unwillingly – as superior to you.

It isn’t a good feeling, and it doesn’t result in any kind of productive mindset when it comes to meeting women – quite the contrary. You usually start experiencing this feeling when you have a crappy night. You’re already in a bad place, so feeling inferior creates a vicious circle.

This post is designed to debunk some common misconceptions, but it’s more of a fact check that will help you avoid harmful biases about your own and others’ success.

First things first – we shouldn’t care about whether other people succeed or not unless it has an impact on our own interactions. However, many of us do care.

Shari James | Treating Erectile Dysfunction (Podcast)

Welcome back to Dating Mechanics on Girls Chase! Today we feature a show in development for quite some time with my first female guest – Shari James – who runs a successful coaching practice based out of Los Angeles, CA called Architecture of Pleasure to help men resolve Erectile Dysfunction.

Erectile dysfunction is an epidemic among men. More and more guys suffer from it in the worst moments, and guys are trying things like Viagra and Cialis to get hard when they shouldn’t have to. I’ve heard of tons of guys who complain about ED, often at some of the worst times – like right before they’re about to have sex with a new girl.

In my own experience, having gone through this often during one period of my life (in my case, it was caused by deep emotional stress), one of the worst feelings in the world is to not be able to perform for a girl who just got into your bed excited to have sex with you. Oftentimes girls will re-rationalize that a guy actually isn’t that into them because he can’t get hard, and I often got instantly rejected after I had a girl in my bed, got ED, and it just kept on happening.

As we’ll soon see from Shari, ED is more common among guys than you think, and the sources of ED are many, ranging from excessive porn usage, to emotional and mental issues, to circulatory and nervous system functions, and also how guys control and release their sexual energy. I hope you guys enjoy this one, as it’s a common issue that few are open to talking about – especially with a woman!

Tactics Tuesdays: When Dates Don't Work Out, Do a Post-Mortem

dating post-mortem
When a date or an outing doesn't pan out, use a post-mortem to figure out why. Give yourself clear action items for next time – and recover your emotions, too.

Your dates and outings won't always work out.

Sometimes they don't pan out at all. You go out and approach girls and all you get are stony faces. You take girls onto dates yet can never get past the polite zone. You bring women home and hit a wall of last-minute resistance.

There is one thing you ought to always do, whenever things don't go your way.

That thing is a post-mortem.

The term comes from the Latin for after death, and it's pretty close to how we'll use it here.

After your date, outing, or seduction has 'died'... after the whole thing is over (and not before), you're going to do an 'after death' review to figure out what within your control went well, and what to change next time.

This is so incredibly important to your learning and future success. It takes your progress with women and puts it on the fast track -- and all it takes it a little cognizance of what you could've done better, and enough emotion control to step back and look at everything objectively.

How to Deal with Approach Anxiety – A Practical Guide

How to Deal with Approach Anxiety
Approach anxiety can make it extremely difficult to meet women. While likely incurable, it can be effectively managed with these simple, practical tips.

I have heard from many good seducers and players who, despite all their success and experience with women, still feel approach anxiety.

They, too, get that tingly feeling in their chest while their minds play tricks on them, holding them back from meeting potentially amazing women.

Not approaching because of anxiety is sad because you might be missing out on many fun adventures and amazing women. I know many of you hate having this feeling of anxiety.

So, does this mean there is no hope for you? Not at all. You can drastically reduce your anxiety, but you will have to force yourself to do it... and reconquer it every time you go out.

The subject of today’s post will be approach anxiety management – why you have it and practical steps to minimize it. Next week, I’ll discuss some powerful mindsets that will help you take action.