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Confidence

How confidence affects results with women, and how to get your confidence, boldness, and "inner game" tightened up and running smoothly.

10 Reasons You Procrastinate Going Out to Approach Women

approach procrastinationCAPTION

We’ve all heard of approach anxiety, but what about approach procrastination?

Approach procrastination is delaying, avoiding, or putting off the act of going out to practice approaching women.

Approach procrastinators say they want to learn pickup, but only get out on the weekend for a short day or night session, then go home to procrastinate for another week, or four.

These chronic approach procrastinators often hang out on forums, or WhatsApp groups, where they are eager to discuss and argue their seduction and self-improvement philosophies. I see them on the streets, or in the malls when I’m running bootcamps, walking in circles for hours, occasionally mustering the courage to do an approach. By that time, their busy wingmen have already tried ten or more times, and are ready to go home and play Xbox.

Because these men never put in the real effort required to meet available and eager women, they become discouraged, which further disincentivizes them to try again. This leads to feelings of missed opportunities, guilt, stress, depression and resentment.

How do I know this? Because I, Tony D, am a serial procrastinator. Over the years I’ve developed a toolset to keep me moving forward and keep me from falling into a torpid state of apathy and sloth. So, I’ll do my best to help you chronic procrastinators in your quest to be awesome with women.

Let’s look at the main causes of approach procrastination

Seduction School: Escalating Despite Objections

escalating past women's objectionsWomen will resist you and object to what you say. Yet you must be able to escalate things with them anyway. Once you can, success with girls gets simpler.

I've been seeing a bit more lately of guys scratching their heads and asking, "How do I do XYZ thing?" and not really getting it.

So I wanted to start an ongoing series (like Tactics Tuesdays and Secrets to Getting Girls) that gives basic advice on how to develop uncommon-but-useful skills and abilities.

Today the focus is on moving things along (escalating) despite women's objections.

If a woman objects to things you say you want her to come do with you, will you still find a way to do them, or will you give up?

Backing off, redirecting, or biding your time can be an okay strategy sometimes. But other times, it's a seduction death knell.

A good seducer knows when to push as well as when to back off and let the woman come to him.

And right now, we'll take a close look at the former.

On Pick Up Artist "What Works Better?" Debates

pick up debatesWhat's the best way to pick up girls? Is it tactic A or tactic B? Is Method M superior to Methods S and C? Here's the true exposé on what works best and why.

Wanna know one thing that will definitely never help you do better with girls?

Boasting about how your way to get girls is better than other guys' ways to get girls.

There was an old mASF discussion, back in '04 or '05, where the tired old, "What works better, indirect or direct?" debate got dredged up from the crypt and infused with new life.

I recall reading it in the archives.

Two of the participants were Style (Neil Strauss), the guy who wrote the best seller pick up artist book The Game, and Dimitri (Sebastian Drake), founder of the pick up artist training company theApproach, and a guy who served in a mentor role for me for many years.

Style's point was that you could not ever pick up a girl who was an "8 or better" with direct game. You could only use indirect for this.

Dimitri's point was that he had the most luck picking up girls who were "8s or better" with direct game.

I've never rolled with Style, but I spent a fair bit of time rolling with Dimitri, and I watched him pick up some of the most beautiful women I've witnessed any guy I've rolled with pick up, in the single fastest pickups I've seen guys I've rolled with pull off. A stunning young French stewardess he same-day laid off the beach right after we'd swum the Mediterranean (turned out we'd accidentally switched hotel keys, so he shagged her in my room and used my condoms. I had to call the cleaning service after, my room was so destroyed...). A pair of beautiful, flashy, and shapely Japanese girls we picked up off the street outside an L.A. club. Many others. All with direct openers.

I was a pure indirect guy at the beginning (more because I lacked the balls to go direct then, than that I didn't know how to do it). Dimitri urged me to try direct, so I did. And I found it worked very well for me.

I also found it worked better in some situations than in others. Some of the most beautiful, incredible girls I've been with I picked up I picked up with direct. Others of them I picked up with indirect.

I say all this to preface this post, which is not about direct vs. indirect, but instead something else: getting into stupid debates where you tell other guys that stuff they do that is working for them DOESN'T work is stupid.

You Must Brave Looking Stupid to Get Skilled in Seduction

get out what you put inMost men will never excel with women for one simple reason: they're too scared of looking stupid.

I’ve met many guys who are trying to get good with girls.

And I’ve noticed a common theme: guys just spinning their wheels, putting in the effort but not seeing progress.

Much of this comes down to expecting certain results and not looking for the right progression markers.

However, some guys do not know what to expect and are unprepared for how deep seduction truly is.

Are Modern Women's Dating Standards TOO High?

women's dating standardsMany men today believe women's standards are too high. The reality is, women's standards have ALWAYS been high… or at least, women have always claimed this.

Again and again of late I've seen this argument that women's dating standards are simply too high.

That women expect too much of men, they want men who are perfect, and their standards are completely unrealistic.

Most recently, a reader commented this on my article about the source of 21st Century Western men's distinct lack of action and motivation, saying:

I dont think men dont have the drive to have sex; its just that womens standards are too high and most men dont make the cut. Most men are trying and failing to get laid, others have given up, and a small percentage is getting almost everything. We have to be realistic and acknowledge that most men are going to be average no matter what. The problem is that women have too many options and society allows them to go for the top men.

This is a common refrain from a lot of men's sites on the web.

women's dating standards“How's any guy supposed to have a shot in this day and age?”

But is it true?

Are you, indeed, condemned to suffer loneliness and deprivation, sucking up the scraps of women who fell off the tables of ALPHA MALES, those rare few men who get all the girls?

Is this simply your lot in life, assuming you're unable or unwilling to join the ranks of those few elite men?

5 Wrong Mindsets for Cold Approach Pickup (Plus 3 RIGHT Ones)

pickup mindsets
There are many ways men think about picking up women. Many of these ways are not helpful, though.

Once you're in this long enough, you start to notice a lot of the same mindsets again and again among learners.

Some of these mindsets help the mindset holders succeed with women.

A lot of them do not.

How to Be Attuned to Women and Your Surroundings

be attunedAre you tuned out while out? If you notice a beautiful woman, is it a surprise you were unprepared for? Here's how to tune IN (in 5 simple steps).

In my article on scouting for 'meet girls' spots, a reader named Kevin comments

Hey Chase,

From the articles such as this one where you talk about your observations of other people when you're out on the street, I'm always struck by how aware and tuned-in you are to other people. Myself, for various reasons, I got into the habit of being totally in my head and tuned-out whenever I'm out on the street; I'm also very eye-contact averse, with everybody. I don't look, or I break off immediately. The only exception to those would be when I take very long walks or do day game sessions. And since those feel so much better because I'm really tuned-in, this ability to really absorb your environment and be totally present in it is one I very much want to automate. My question is about your eye-contact. Do you shamelessly observe everybody around you, holding eye-contact with anyone who gives it to you? Do you use the overhead eye-contact tactic from the 'Elite EC' article where you only look at people who look at you? Could you please give me some tips on how to emulate your own tuned-inness to the people around you when out on the streets? Somehow, probably because of social control, I'm really shy about just looking at people and observing them shamelessly!

Many thanks in advance,
Kev

It's a good topic for discussion. Attunement can be a fleeting thing. It's also by no means assured just because, for instance, you went out to approach women.

I observed in that article that the vast majority of people you pass by in life are tuned out. They're lost in their thoughts, thinking about what they need to do that day, absorbed in messages or notifications on their phones -- their heads are anywhere but present.

The attuned man enjoys some distinctive benefits. One is that women notice him much more. Attuned people are in it; they gaze around, their eyes are wider, they're noticeably taking in their environment. Attuned people look for other attuned people, and a woman who's attuned will tend to very quickly notice an attuned man (and you'll notice her). Which women are most likely to be attuned? Those who have a reason to pay attention. Much of the time this means women who are looking to meet someone.

Attuned men are also more risk-aware and better able to present as hard targets to avoid dangerous situations. Very useful if you live in dangerous places (or venture into them from time to time).

There's only one challenge: how do you tune yourself in?

Because for most people, being tuned in is merely a thing that happens to them, on rare occasions, when the mood strikes, or when they chance into the right state.

But that doesn't have to be the case for you.

You can attune yourself directly and consciously, if you know how.

Make It Happen

make it happen
If you want something in life, like a woman to love (or 50 women to love), you're just going to have to figure out how you'll make that happen.

Long before I was a dating coach, I was in a sort of “factotum,” or a state of bouncing through many different jobs. I quit most and was fired from a few. I just didn’t find many jobs rewarding for anything other than paying rent.

At one of these jobs, I was a low-voltage electrician. During the plasma TV boom, every rich person in Vancouver wanted one on their wall. So my job was to install these big, heavy televisions.

I hated it, but the pay was good. It was a hard job that required a lot of problem-solving. How do you get these wires across this house or apartment and into an electronics equipment panel without them being visible? We had to go into the wall, through the attic, or into the crawl space. Then we had to mount these 50-pound beasts (pre-LCD TV) onto these awkward wall brackets.

Some days I’d look at what was involved for an install, and it seemed impossible. I’d want to tear my hair out, quit, and live on welfare. So I’d call my boss and say, “I don’t see how this is possible. It’s too difficult.”

And my boss always gave me the most powerful and vague advice:

“Make it happen, Tony.”

And he’d hang up.

A 5-Step Plan for a Serious Seducer

serious seducer
Serious success requires serious commitment. And if you want to be a runaway success as a seducer, you will need to throw yourself in, in these 5 ways.

When you are looking to improve with women, there are a few things to keep in mind.

If you don’t get them in order, things won’t work the way they should, and you will find yourself stumbling around without knowing what to do.

So today, I‘ll outline what you should be doing to help make it easier. I’ll set out some easy-to-follow steps to organize your progress as you go through your journey.