Confidence | Girls Chase

Confidence

How confidence affects results with women, and how to get your confidence, boldness, and "inner game" tightened up and running smoothly.

How Much Should You Care About the Opinions of Others

care about the opinions of others
How much should you care what others think? Everyone cares at least a little. The key is that the reactions of others can tell you what to modify in yourself.

I’ve always seen the opinions of others as a paradox.

We’ve all heard people say they don’t care what anyone thinks of them.

Well, that’s sort of impossible. If you didn’t care what people thought of you, you would never take time to cater your reputation or really even talk to people in general, since their opinion of you is a non-issue.

Obviously the spirit of this mantra of “no fucks given” is meant to combat the neuroticism that leads to the criticism or hate of others keeping you from pursuing what you want to pursue, but there is something to be said about learning from criticism.

Criticism, and even hate, can highlight possible areas of improvement, especially in regards to how you communicate your thoughts and ideas, either verbally or non-verbally.

In other words, if someone dislikes what you say or do, many times it’s how you come off doing it, not necessarily what you actually did.

And if we completely ignore the criticisms of others, we are missing out on possible improvements, no?

For instance, the advice of a mentor or teacher is criticism, but it comes from a place of compassion. He wants you to see how he sees your flaws, because he wants you to fix them, since it’s your desire to become better.

The Man Who Refused to Learn to Talk to Women

don't learn game
A story about a guy who never bothers to develop his social skill set. How does life unfold for a man who chooses not to learn to socialize and date?

Lucien was always a bit of an outsider. Though he wasn’t one of the nerds in school. Sometimes he joined in on making fun of them, just to prove the point. Mostly he just ignored those kids though. He had his own loose group of friends he rolled with: Elliot among them.

After high school, they mostly went separate ways. One friend went to a community college, and another went to work in his father’s construction business. Elliot and Lucien both went to a state university.

The two friends had heard stories about how easy the women were at Trent State. They anticipated a bountiful stream of willing coeds in school. Their long years of high school dry spells – they thought – were done.

They arrived on campus and looked around. Hot young girls in tight pants and mini skirts everywhere. The girls sat on park benches. Walked down campus sidewalks. Laughed with friends and hung out alone. “Geez,” said Elliot. “This place is a gold mine!” He looked at Lucien. “Come on, we’ve got to talk to these girls!”

Lucien went with Elliot, and Elliot chatted up a pair of girls seated on the grass. The girls seemed to like Elliot – they laughed at his jokes and brushed at their hair. But Lucien didn’t know what to do. Elliot seemed like he suddenly knew all the right things to say; Lucien just felt adrift.

Elliot tried to include Lucien – “This is my best friend Lucien. He’s one of the most awesome people I know” – but all Lucien could do was spit out a few boring lines of conversation and both girls would return their focus to Elliot again. Eventually Lucien gave up his attempts to talk. He watched Elliot for a while, but began to envy him. So he stopped watching, tuned out Elliot and the girls, and stared off into the campus.

How to Create Your Life in 5 Steps, Pt 2: Executing the Plan

executing the plan
Great goals and a great plan are important – but they don’t mean squat if you don’t execute. There are 10 aspects of execution: focus, discipline, choice, plus 7 more.

In Part 1 of this series, I illustrated a five-step system to create and track your goals and progress.

This system has worked for me extremely well this year, and I’ve managed to do more in my life than I ever thought possible.

I also showed you in Part 1 how to structure your life in your own custom way to start accomplishing your goals. However, it’s important to understand that no accomplishment is possible without actually doing anything. A person can plan for life all they want, but if there is no execution, nothing will ever happen.

So let’s get into the most important factor of ensuring that you actually do what you desire to achieve – and that is the question of execution.

How Much Can You Masturbate If You Want to Get Laid?

how much should you masturbate
If you jerk off too much, what happens to your sex drive and motivation? Nothing good – but the problem is not masturbation; it’s masturbation to excess.

On an article of mine from earlier this month, a reader asked about masturbation:

Hi Chase,

Do you think masturbating destroys your drive for taking control of your life and motivation, even if you don’t watch porn?

Growing up I used to do it a lot and I was very timid, low self beleif, and hated sports, I’m wondering if that’s why? I use to do it like 3 times a day.

I do it now, but it’s more here and there. Sometimes I have days where I do it 3x, but I was wondering if I did it once a week or every other week, would that be good for my motivation and for me to start doing better in life and to be more aggressive?

A later comment on the same topic:

Chase, i watched porn and masturbated very compulsively throughout all my teenage years, as an escape from life. I was very depressed back then: there was a period that i would watch porn literally all day (i’m a high school dropout)! I’m 24 now and nowadays, the best i can go without fapping to porn is 10-11 days... and that requires A LOT of effort – i get crazy cravings, mood swings, even insomnia...and i don’t feel lust for women in real life at all, even if i find them hotter than the ones i’m seeing on my computer.

This affects not only my love life, but also my potential professional life, because my memory and concentration are terrible when i’m watching porn frequently. There was this time that i went a little over a month without fapping/watching porn and i was literally another person – no more acne, strong attraction for real women, much more sociable, fat loss, muscle gains, etc.

After that, i tried to reintroduce masturbation to porn once a week, i thought – “eh, i can manage that...”

Hah, i couldn’t! After a couple of weeks i started increasing the frequency, and after a while i was back where i was before. It has been about 2 years since then, and i didn’t manage to go over ~20 days without porn/fapping since then.

I find it very difficult to let go of porn, mainly for one thing – fetishes. I have a couple of fetishes (not porn-induced) that without porn would be very hard to fulfill. I could easily leave behind vanilla porn and any other subgenre (i rarely watch them).

I respect you and would love to hear your thoughts, even if you don’t have any advices. Cheers :)

So let’s talk about jerking your own chain. Can you do it? How much can you do it?

And what happens if you do it a little... an ordinary amount... or a lot?

Why Don't Girls Want Intelligent Guys? Part 4: The Brolosopher

brolosopher
The brolosopher: smart guy, easygoing diction and delivery. Sharp, savvy, but cool and social. If you want to use that big brain well, it’s time for some brolosophy.

A few years back, I was in a car with my friend. One moment, I was talking about something really deep and profound. I don’t remember what it was, but I do know that the next moment, I made some crass comment about women in some really uneducated language.

My friend, who was driving, laughed hysterically. The juxtaposition of my two stories was pretty strange.

Turning to me, he said in a loving voice, “Hector, you’re the dumbest smart person I’ve ever met in my entire life.”

I didn’t know it at the time, but there was something in what he said. It was the secret to being smart but also socially dominant, physically dominant, and relatable.

And that’s the crux of what this series is about. If you haven’t already, you can (and should) read the previous articles here:

If you don’t want to go full dumbass with women and socializing (which might hurt boyfriend potential), here’s how you hybridize intelligence and base behavior.

It’s my favorite personality that this entity called Hector sometimes adopts.

How Much Do You Actually Need to Know About Girls to Get Them?

know about girls
Must you be an expert on women to excel with them? Of course not… yet there are different kinds of expertise, and they have different effects on your odds with women.

I have a lot of fun building mental models of how other folks think, feel, and act that are as accurate as I can get them. As you may notice from comments by female readers on some of my articles, I’m generally pretty on-the-mark.

Yet something I found myself thinking about recently was “How well do you actually need to understand women to date them and bed them?”

It’s an interesting question. And not as easy to answer as you might think... because there are different kinds of “understanding women”, and different kinds of “doing well with women.”

Why Don't Girls Want Intelligent Guys? Part 3: Dumb Down & Get Laid

be dumb and get laid
You know dumb guys get laid. Now it’s time to dumb down yourself – and reap the rewards. Cut the snobbishness out, and get the girl.

For those triggered by the title, go back and read Part 1 and Part 2 of this series carefully. In excruciating detail, I have explained what I mean by “dumb” and why being so works well with women.

Now that the theoretical groundwork has been laid out for any nerds looking to disagree with my points, we can move forward plainly.

I will no longer justify being dumb, but only prescribe and explain why certain behaviors work with women.

My advice mostly revolves around cutting certain behaviors as a method to turn attention away from your intelligence and more toward your sexual value – your physical and social dominance.

Let’s get to it.

Why Don't Girls Want Intelligent Guys? Part 2: Why Dumb Guys Get Laid

dumb guys get laid
Dumb guys didn’t spend their youth reading books or winning debates. Instead, they occupied themselves with reading people and winning babes.

Welcome to part 2 of this series. If you didn’t catch what I was getting at in the last article, I’ll put it simply.

Intelligent men have issues getting pussy. More specifically, by "intelligent men," I mean nerdy. They use big words, spend lots of time reading, aren’t good with people, and value their intelligence above everything else. That sort of guy.

How I used to be.

These men inevitably discover that it’s the moderately intelligent or even straight-up stupid men who get the most poonani.

Why?

Why Don't Girls Want Intelligent Guys? Part 1: The Problem with Intellectuals

girls don't want intelligent guys
Girls seem to go for dumb guys a lot more than they do smart, intelligent guys. Why don’t girls want to date intelligent guys, though?

The seduction community is rife with smart guys, guys who know a lot about history, science, philosophy, and other disciplines that have a high intelligence requirement for competence and mastery.

Why are there so many intelligent men in the community?

Simple.

Most of them were alone in their teenage years and into their 20s (or 30s). In their search for a solution to their romantic problems, they put their massive minds to the task.

Some of those men became successful. They continued to theorize and eventually write or record their thoughts. They’re the ones who created the seduction community.

Since they're smart, their rhetoric and syntax is affluent, detailed, and nuanced. Thus, the men who most ably learn from these teachers are also intelligent.

Intelligent men go searching, find these resources created by other intelligent men. Then, speaking the same language, they mesh well together, creating a feedback loop of intelligent men teaching other intelligent men.

This is not a bad thing. In fact, it's a great thing. There are certain principles in this field that take time and focus to logically mine and cut, and raw IQ helps quicken that process.

But oftentimes, while intelligence helps with understanding and teaching, and while it looks flashy and impressive on paper or on video, it can get in the way of what this entire community is focused on.