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Confidence

How confidence affects results with women, and how to get your confidence, boldness, and "inner game" tightened up and running smoothly.

Seduction Spotlight: Oberyn Martell

Oberyn Martell
Pedro Pascal’s portrayal of Oberyn Martell is unabashedly sexy. What makes his character so compelling? Fundamentals, panache, and finesse.

There are times in life when we cross paths with men – real men – men whose very presence sparks a reaction within us: “Wow, here is a man. I want to be just like him.”

This particular awe-inspiring male personality may differ from person to person, but each of us have had that experience. Whether it’s a father figure, a brother figure, a mentor, or a perfect stranger, we hope to spend enough time around that person to absorb their traits and learn what they know about masculinity, life, and women.

However, in a world where masculinity is becoming more demonized and ridiculed, these men aren’t so easy to come by, and they aren’t always in a position to teach us in a meaningful way. These days, it’s common to be without access to powerful male role models. Sometimes all we have to rely on are books and film. We watch a movie, a TV show, or read a book... and into the scene strolls a man – he may be fictional, but goddamn is he mesmerizing. So we pay attention.

We often connect more with someone on a screen or page than we do with anyone else in real life. Personally, there are a host of fictional characters who have played a more substantial role in my growth as a man than most real men I’ve met. They were ideals of the writer or creator transformed into beings worthy of emulation. And this is nothing new. Ever since the first story was told, men have emulated the traits of their heroes, real or fictional.

The inception of this series actually began with Giacomo Casanova. While reading his memoirs, I thought “This guy’s story needs to be told in a modern form.” I planned on rewriting his adventures, then deeply analyzing his lays (which number over a hundred and include royalty) so that GC readers wouldn’t have to work their way through the beautiful yet difficult translations of his 17th century Italian.

When I dropped that project, however, a very similar idea came to me – why not analyze the many men of television, cinema, literature, and history, who are outstanding examples of power and sensuality?

Thus was born “Seduction Spotlight.” The name should speak for itself.

I will show you in detail how these characters seduce women, dominate their foes, and exemplify other masculine pursuits, such as achieving one’s dreams. Through this analysis you should then be able to truly understand how they do what they do, and, in turn, do it yourself (adhering to the laws of your land and time, of course).

With this inaugural article, then, I will shine that spotlight on my personal favorite, Oberyn Martell of the TV show Game of Thrones, inspired by the Song of Fire and Ice book series written by George R.R. Martin. Oberyn Martell is played by the actor Pedro Pascal.

Since Oberyn’s character only aired for a little under forty minutes in the fourth season of Game of Thrones, I cover nearly all his scenes in order to highlight his fundamentals, game, and mindsets. I’ll cite the episodes if you want to follow along on your HBO Go, but I’ll also provide YouTube links for each scene (some YouTube vids are censored).

Here are a pair of videos that cover every scene he’s in if you want a compilation:


Don't Let a Bad Rejection Ruin Your Night Out

bad rejection
Sometimes a girl rejects you much harsher than she needed to. If you let it, this can ruin your night. Yet, it does not need to.

One of the things you are not going to avoid while learning success with women is the occasional tough rejection.

Maybe she freaked out unnecessarily.

Maybe she said something that felt like a knife shoved in your sternum.

Either way, it sucks when a girl rejects you, especially when it comes out of the blue and is tactlessly delivered. But what if I were to tell you that the water runs deep on this issue and everything is not as it appears? What if you could completely turn around the way you see rejection?

The Good King

good king
The funeral of Phocion.

In the late 4th Century BC, Athens executed its statesman and de facto ruler, Phocion. Phocion served Athens with distinction throughout his political career. His leadership was one of extreme care and justice. His was a frugal life, lived in a simple home, and he refused bribes of all sorts, no matter how grand – everything from small fortunes to his own city-state to rule as he liked he refused.

The Athenians chose him to lead them into battle 47 times as general, the most-selected general in Athenian history. Yet he was not a militaristic man – he argued vehemently against wars he thought were bad for his city-state. And he saved Athens from unwise action repeatedly, as when the Athenians wanted to war with Alexander the Great after Alexander had crushed an uprising in Thebes. “Foolhardy man,” Phocion said to Demosthenes, leader of the provocateurs, “why provoke one whose temper is already savage? Why provoke this Macedonian who is full of limitless ambition? When there is a holocaust on our borders, do you wish to spread the flames to our city as well, by provoking him further? My whole object in taking up the burdens of this office is to prevent this, and I shall not allow my fellow citizens to destroy themselves, even if they wish it.”

The Athenians eventually sent Phocion to intercede with Alexander on their behalf, after he had rebuffed all the other emissaries they sent, and he quickly became one of the men Alexander trusted and respected most, even over most Macedonians. Phocion inspired Alexander to look beyond Greece, challenging him that if his goal was to show the greatness of his armies, why not show it by the conquest of the barbarians? Phocion made necessary compromises to the Athenians’ Macedonian ruler, but he negotiated hard to keep the Athenians mostly free.

Yet, after Alexander died, against Phocion’s warnings, the Athenians rebelled against Macedon, and forced Phocion to lead their armies, contrary to his personal desires. He agreed to serve his people as they wished of him, and crafted a resounding victory against the armies of Macedon. Yet Macedonian reinforcements arrived from Asia, and the Greek army was crushed.

Phocion negotiated a lighter reprimand against the Athenians than there otherwise would have been without his intercession. However, many Athenians were still exiled, and Antipater, the new leader of Macedon, still punished the city-state. Many non-citizen Athenians blamed Phocion for their plight. And this set in motion the political intrigue the next leader of Macedon after Antipater would eventually use to have the non-citizens and exiles of Athens overwhelm the citizens and condemn Phocion to death, while the citizens looked mournfully but helplessly on.

In prison, an executioner administered poison to the accused, but ran short when it came to the last man, Phocion. The executioner then refused to prepare more poison until he was paid 12 drachmas. Phocion summoned one of his friends and asked him to settle the amount, observing that, “A man cannot even die in Athens without paying for it.” After a life spent serving Athens, those in charge of the city now ordered Phocion’s remains buried outside its limits.

I tell you this story (and will tell a few more) in the interest of a simple question I’d like to pose: is it worth it to be the good king?

How to Be a Good Guy and Still Win Big

good guy
You don’t have to be a devil to do devilishly good with girls. Before you turn yourself into a bad guy to get good girls, there is another way...

It started with a late night conversation. I was sitting with a couple of close friends on the balcony, having a drink. I can’t recall what we were talking about, but somehow the conversation produced the following exchange:

Him: “Come on, you’re a good guy, Darius.”

Her: “Oh yeah, absolutely!”

Me: “No, I’m not. At least I’m not like that around women.”

Him: “Why?”

Me: “I don’t know. But I’m definitely not!”

Him: “That’s kinda messed up.”

Me: “Well, that’s how I am.”

(Strangely, I remember having some weird, misguided pride in this.)

This conversation happened about a year ago – I replicated it the best I could – and even though I didn’t give it much thought at the time, over the following year it led me on a path of self-examination and discovery.

There were two specific things that came to bother me about the way I responded in that conversation:

  • First, why would I get so defensive about being referred to – and seen as – a “good guy” by my close friends?

  • Second, even though it was true that I behaved differently around women than I did around my close friends, I wanted to know why, especially since I’m more interested in romantic relationships than one night stands – and relationships require a real connection to be worth anything.

In other words, I wanted to know why I had the belief that being a “good guy” is somehow inferior and, more importantly, was it true? On top of that, given that being a “good guy” is something that comes to me naturally, I wanted to see if I can embrace this side of my personality and still achieve my romantic goals.

Turns out the answer to the latter is an astounding “Yes!” And with this article, my goal is to show you how.

But before we go there, we’ll need to cover some foundational concepts, including what it means to be “a good guy,” whether everyone should aspire to be one, and some common pitfalls and other things to watch out for.

We’ll start by identifying who will benefit from this article the most.

Optimize Your Nervous System (and Gain State Control)

optimize nervous system
How good are you at using what’s in your brain? Fight-or-flight responses in social situations are common – yet you’re not bound to them.

Most pick-up theory is not well informed about the workings of the brain and the nervous system, which causes many guys to severely underperform in terms of their social state control. The author has studied this topic from both theoretical and practical angles for years and would like to share his experience on this issue.

In pick-up theory, state is used as a description of both the mental state and the resulting physical state of a person. Field reports often mention how the “state” of those involved changes during an evening or day out. “State” can more or less be used synonymously with “mood.”

State is an extremely important factor in one’s ability to perform seduction, in that the results of a given action will be heavily dependent on the mood of the person performing it – for obvious reasons. Your mood can be said to be the sum of your earlier interactions, and if your mood is bad, it means that the world has treated you badly – hardly a turn-on. Conversely, a stable, good mood will tell a history of being treated well by the world. And those who are constantly able to stay in a stable, good mood, no matter how bad the situation is, will be looked up to.

In evolutionary terms, your mood is a fitness indicator similar to looking physically healthy. Controlling your mood is therefore of utmost importance in nearly any social setting – and this is what “state control” refers to.

Are You Spinning Yourself? (Almost Certainly)

spinning yourself
Spin is used to influence how others think about things. But are you using spin on your own thoughts? Odds are, you are – and it risks sabotaging you.

Some of my greatest teachers in seduction were my coworkers in car sales. In a world in which they were highly distrusted, they were still able to finagle hundreds of thousands of dollars from unassuming customers.

I personally do not condone some of the tactics I was taught, and I probably would not teach most of them for morality’s sake. But a few ideas and concepts were definitely worth teaching, and there is one in particular I would like to share with you today.

That particular technique is the technique called “spinning”; or, “taking off the market.”

How to Become a Centered Warrior

centered warrior
Being centered offers one of the biggest leaps forward with dating, self, and life. There’s no easy way to it – it comes from enduring pain and trial.

The protagonist walks toward the camera, face emotionless, calm. Then suddenly an explosion erupts behind him. Does he flinch away from it. Does surprise touch his face. No. He stays calm as the world is blown to bits – and he’s seemingly untouched from it all as he nonchalantly walks toward the camera.

You have probably seen countless versions of this scene in quite a few movies, and it has probably sent goose bumps creeping up your arms as a side effect. What is it about this scene that puts us in such a state of awe?

Why is something like this so inspiring – and duplicated so many times over? Many of us would like to not just see this as a protagonist on the screen, but a hopeful reflection of ourselves. We want to be the guy who cannot be affected by the world no matter how chaotic it is. We want what we see on the television to be the reflection we see in the mirror. We want to be grounded just like that figure so often portrayed.

The concept of being grounded has always been the hardest for me to explain, let alone teach. It is one of those things I cannot show on a boot camp or fix over the course of days or even weeks. It is something you have to choose to do in your heart. Because, as cheesy as it sounds, only once you decide you are going to do what it takes to deepen this part of you, only then can you achieve it.

Firstly, what is being grounded – what makes a centered warrior? Think of waves crashing on rocks. Are the rocks strong and resolute, or are they weak and brittle? Do they stand for ages, or do they quickly become dislodged or shattered like obsidian? Or maybe it is a tree in a storm, standing tall and unbroken, maybe bending under the torrent of wind or outright being broken in half. The idea is that no matter what is thrown at you, you are always at ease, completely in control of your emotions.

When you talk to a stranger, this is one of the first things they may notice about your character, either consciously or subconsciously – not by what you do, but by what you don’t do. It is as simple as displaying a warm tone despite receiving anything but. A steady gaze. Lack of fidgeting. Being grounded is being unaffected when the surroundings get testy. When a guy is drunkenly belligerent and tries to push your buttons, do you let him? When a girl calls you ugly, do you care?

Boobs vs. Butts: Male Tastes Differ (& Your 10 Isn’t Everybody’s)

boobs vs. butts
You shouldn’t treat her like a ‘10’… Because even the most beautiful girl is only a ‘10’ to a certain chunk of the male population.

I came across a fascinating 1968 study on male preferences in female body part sizes this weekend. The study asked men to rate various female silhouettes, like these:

Then, at a separate date, in what the male subjects thought was a separate study, the researchers had the same men answer a number of questions about themselves.

They then compared the men’s body type preferences to personality attributes and other dimensions to look for correlations. And they discovered (as you might imagine) that different types of men like different types of women.

The body type ratings men gave were of figures that looked like this:

boobs vs. butts

And the personality dimensions and background details the men provided information on covered the gamut, from social interaction styles to what kind of magazines they read.

We’ll talk about the findings of this study and a few other ones, if you’re curious to know what your taste in women says about you. But more than that, the point of this post is going to be to give you one additional tool to help take the girls you really like off any pedestals you have them on... By driving home the point that while you might think she’s a complete 10/10, there are plenty of other men who don’t, and odds are she doesn’t even view herself that way.

3 Common Roadblocks to Seduction Mastery

roadblocks to seduction
As you seek to master the art of seduction, you’ll discover 3 key roadblocks: the first 1000 approaches, wrong practice, and too much faking.

Plateaus are the bane of any skill we seek mastery in, and they are most prominent in learned success with women. These obstructions in the pick-up community are not just speed bumps but full-on roadblocks preventing people from reaching the heights they dream of.

This article is aimed at any guy who wants to get seriously good at meeting girls via cold approach. What are the hurdles? What must you overcome to get there?

In my experience, there are three (3) major roadblocks. I call them:

  1. 1000 approaches,
  2. Deliberate practice, and
  3. Not faking but being.

How can you recognize and defeat each one as efficiently as possible?

Tactics Tuesdays: “That’s Fake” and Practice Mentality

practice mentality
When you start to change your appearance or behavior, people can call you fake. Or you might even feel fake. Yet with Practice Mentality, you can avoid all this.

In my August article on seven major dating mistakes, a reader asks about people who view (or attack) self-improvement efforts or general behavior as ‘being fake’ or ‘not being real’:

This is regarding barriers to improving fundamentals and improving your life in general:

Did you notice how people label any potential improvement as fake? If they improve, they think, people won’t like them for who they are and that’s bad. For people who have had advantages for a long time it seems like a natural part of them.

For example:

– Someone who is fat thinks that if he loses weight and women start liking him more, then they don’t like him for who he really is. They are just a bunch of superficial cunts. But, if you’ve been thin for a long time, it seems like a part of you.

– If you dress poorly, improving your fashion will seem as fake. Who cares how you dress? People should like you for who you are. But, those who dress well will tell you it’s just a part of them – part of who they are.

– Being famous or wealthy and getting great results with women also seems fake to many people (99.999% of people don’t have access to fame or great wealth). So, you’ll hear terms like ‘fame-digger’ or ‘gold-digger’ used to describe those superficial women who like rock stars, football players or bankers/CEOs.

– The same goes for learning ‘game’. If you’re learning it, then you’re just a fake manipulator.

etc.

What do you think about this phenomenon? Is it even real or am I delusional?

Well, first off, this is absolutely a genuine phenomenon, and it’s something every man who sits down to improve himself in one dimension or another encounters.

You start to change something about yourself, and somebody calls you fake. Or you see others change their reactions toward you as you change superficial details about yourself, and you decide they are fake. Or maybe you even look at your outward displays, deem them nothing like whom you are on the inside, and label yourself a fake.

I’m going to talk briefly about why people view people engaged in self-improvement as fake, and then I’m going to give you a useful mindset I’ve long used to not have to worry about this.

I call it the ‘Practice Mentality’. But we’ll get to that.