Confidence | Girls Chase

Confidence

How confidence affects results with women, and how to get your confidence, boldness, and "inner game" tightened up and running smoothly.

You Need to Stand Out (If You Want to Get Girls)

Chase Amante's picture

By: Chase Amante

stand out to get girlsThe most attractive men stand out. But many men fear standing out too much; to do so is to invite criticism, exclusion, or attack. How do you stand out in positive ways, and not negative ones?

One of the biggest early revelations for me, and one I discussed with our charisma course, which we completed the launch for last week, was that by making myself stand out in various ways, all the way back in junior high school, I suddenly became much more attractive to women.

It wasn't like I became physically better looking, or taller, or more athletic. I'd only changed things like the way I dressed, my hair, my glasses, the way I walked and how fast, and other things. Then, suddenly, every junior high girl and her sister was chasing me for dates. The hottest cheerleaders in school asked me out, as did some cute regular girls (and a few not-so-cute girls too).

At the time I was totally struck by it and could not understand why suddenly I had become this object of fascination for my school's women. After all... I was this loner kid who read books too much, didn't play sports, and for years was considered the 'school nerd'. Why were all these pretty, popular girls chasing me?

Then it clicked for me that I had made myself stand out, in a variety of mostly attractive ways, and that was the reason why.

After that, I became obsessed with standing out. Everywhere I went, everything I did, I had to stand out -- and not just in any way, but in attractive ways.

This is a common thread I see in guys who get good with girls: they always stand out in a variety of attractive, visible ways. Some are ways they tweak their appearances and nonverbals (i.e., their fundamentals); some are ways they behave, and the things they say and do. But they all stand out. They are all recognizably different.

Likewise, I notice with guys who don't get good with girls there is an opposite common thread: they try to fully conform, keep their heads down, and not stand out. They fear standing out and will resist if you try to get them to do it. They will also exaggerate how much they stand out, both internally and to you, claiming they stand out a lot while to you and everyone else they barely stand out at all.

But if you want to get more women into you, and chasing you, and you also want more recognition from men, then you are going to need to stand out.

Internal Consistency

Chase Amante's picture
internal consistencyA mental priority of men and women alike is to preserve internal consistency. Threats to that cause resistance – both in the women you want, and in you, yourself.

People do and say a lot of hypocritical things.

But what happens when you call someone out on an act of hypocrisy? Does he say, "Whoops, my bad! You caught me slipping"?

No, of course not. That almost never happens.

Instead, the usual reaction is what? Defensiveness and denial. Auto-rejection is also a common response.

Imagine you try to go home with a girl you met at a bar, and she tells you, "I don't just hook up with some guy I just met." But two hours later, you see her leaving the bar... with some other guy she met after she talked to you.

So you stop her and, feeling a little salty, say to her, "I thought you didn't go home with guys you just met?"

How will she react?

I think you can imagine how she will.

She'll either be:

  • Incensed: "What are you, my dad? Get away from me!"

  • Denying: "Actually we know each other" (might be a lie!)

  • Embarrassed: "Umm, I just need to go home now, sorry John" (you cockblocked the other guy)

At no point is she going to just say, "Ha, good point! You caught me in an act of inconsistency. Bully for you!" then just continue with what she was doing.

But internal consistency goes a lot deeper than this.

It reaches the way a man interacts with a woman he wants to pair with, or with another man he wants to form a connection with.

And it even reaches the heart of a man's very thoughts about himself, the way he conducts his life, and his ability (or inability) to do what he needs to do.

Unhelpful vs. Helpful Mindsets for Seduction

Chase Amante's picture

By: Chase Amante

unhelpful mindsets for seductionThe way you think about things can help you seduce more women, or it can hurt you. Recognizing whether a mindset helps or hurts is key to adopting healthier beliefs.

In seduction, there are mindsets that are helpful to a man's seductive efforts, and there are mindsets that are unhelpful to them.

Helpful mindsets can be cultivated and used. Unhelpful ones should be pruned.

Much of the time when we talk about mindsets, I focus on talking about unhelpful mindsets to prune. Why don't I talk about helpful mindsets more? Because often when you talk about helpful mindsets, men either cannot relate to them (because those specific mindsets do not resonate with them, personally) or even find them boastful (even if it isn't how you intend).

There's an interesting phenomenon though where one man's unhelpful mindset is another man's helpful one.

To get you thinking clearer about your own mentalities, I'd like to take you through an 'unhelpful vs. helpful' mindset review and give you a chance to figure out which each of your own thoughts is.

Tactics Tuesdays: Unmasking Byronic Flaws

Chase Amante's picture
byronic flawsByronic flaws make a man more interesting, and much more bondable in courtships and relationships. Yet there’s an art to revealing them that many men often get wrong...

I recently worked with a hard case guy on a repeated relationship problem he has. Periodically, his relationships fail, inexplicably to him, with every woman he dates peeling off and wanting out.

He's been unable to understand why, but with this latest girl she gave him a lot of very clear feedback, that also mirrors feedback he's gotten from other girlfriends, as well as mirrors my own feeling personally with him.

That feedback was this:

That the girl, despite six months of trying to peel back his layers, was never able to get to know the real him. She feels like, after six months of attempts, she's still right back where she started with him, and is tired of trying.

This is a guy who, in most on-paper respects, should be a desirable guy. He's tall, accomplished, has good fundamentals, and good game. He's well-nigh unshakeable in his frame and is relentlessly optimistic (without being unrealistic). He's an ex-military man and is tough-as-nails, yet is also a religious man and is caring and intelligent, if sometimes not always totally attuned to why a woman is doing what she's doing.

What I realized on looking at how this latest girlfriend quit the relationship is that he isn't letting women peel his layers back properly, and this is causing women to feel like they don't even really know him.

Which in turn causes those women to feel like failures, then causes them to leave.

What I said to him was, "You need to help women peel your layers back properly. You might also need to get more comfortable yourself showing people more of whom you are underneath your armor."

How to Disprove the "Looks Are the Pillar of Attraction" Ideology

Chase Amante's picture
looks are everythingSome guys say looks are all that (or most of what) matters when it comes attracting women. This article uses mountains of photographic evidence to bury that theory forever.

Every time we talk about looks on Girls Chase, we get some guys in the comments or on the forum who get upset and tell us we're totally delusional and looks are the central thing.

These are the types I consider 'looks purists' and/or 'looks absolutists'. This site is one of the few in the seduction niche that is out there saying, "Looks are important, and it should be one of your priorities to work on yours," yet these guys still show up to tell us our focus is still not heavily enough on looks, and/or that it is pointless to try to work on looks because the only thing women pay attention to are your genetic facial traits.

I can tell you as a guy who has enjoyed success in a number of different fields that getting too obsessed with one particular aspect of success and putting it on a pedestal and making it absolute and pushing for pureness is a certain way to failure in that field.

With all things, dating included, you must have balance in your approach if you want success.

(honestly I'm somewhat befuddled why the hardcore looks guys read Girls Chase. You'd think they'd be busy doing facial training exercises or reading about who are the best plastic surgeons or something)

We've had plenty of articles very clearly disproving the 'looks are the main thing!' reductionist perspective of attraction. I'll link them in a moment if you want to go through them.

However, today, I want to conduct a fun experiment with you, that will be enjoyable for most people, meanwhile causing looks-are-everything acolytes to implode in a pile of cognitively dissonant goo.

Looks-Money-Status: Are They the Key to Dating Success?

Alek Rolstad's picture

By: Alek Rolstad

looks money statusLots of guys sweat that looks, money, and status are near-prerequisites to access the best girls. Are they?

Hey guys. Welcome back!

10 Dumb Myths About Women Newbie Seducers Often Believe

Chase Amante's picture
myths about womenMen believe a lot of weird/baseless things about women that aren't broadly true. Shed these female myths aside, and be free.

If you're a seduction newbie (i.e., you're new to meeting and getting together with girls), I can guarantee you you have some objectively very silly beliefs about women that don't hold water at all.

It's not your fault you have these beliefs, nor are you dumb yourself just for having them. When the brain lacks real world experience in a thing, it picks up 'experience' by observing other things around it.

And our real-world media environment is just all kinds of stupid with the spin it presents on things.

The beliefs men absorb from the media they watch tend to be almost exclusively wrong. There is very little media out there that actively depicts male-female relations.

So you get this situation where men have limited and also shallow real-world experience with women, while meantime getting bombarded with garbage fiction messages from media, and you can't blame them for forming a bunch of inaccurate beliefs about female nature.

In this article, I'll do my part to expose those myths for what they are: myths.

That way you, as a guy going out there to chat up girls, can set these weird and harmful beliefs aside, and start meeting women.

(the image at the top of this article is not to suggest women don't sing siren songs, by the way. Some women certainly do. It's just a cool image of sirens, which are obviously mythical female figures, so it fits the spirit of the article)

How to Be a Visionary (and Wield Charismatic Authority)

Daniel Adebayo's picture
visionary charismaticThe charismatic arts are the province of politicians, celebrities, and other VIPs. Follow these steps to learn how to build charisma.

Ever wished gorgeous girls would take you more seriously as a potential lover?

Perhaps you’ve wondered how to gain their respect so your seductions would proceed smoother, and women would feel the same passionate emotions you do. After all, it can be extremely frustrating to meet new girls who don’t give you much to work with or match your interest levels.

If so, you’re in luck! There’s a rare breed of man who has freed himself from that plateau. Men like these are called Visionaries — and, as you may have already guessed, they get women investing readily.

Seduction Lessons from Real-Time Strategy Games, Pt 2.

Alek Rolstad's picture

By: Alek Rolstad

real-time strategy seductionIt’s easy to get a big head because you beat an RTS noob or picked up a DTF girl. Yet a truly good seducer (like a good RTS player) relies on strategy, counters, and skillful pacing.

Hey guys. Welcome back!

Last week my post described how playing RTS games inspired me and taught me lessons over time. Today I’m going to take you through the second and final part of this series.

This series might seem odd to some readers. Isn’t the idea of writing about Real-Time Strategy video games on Girls Chase borderline geeky? Sure.

However, we are talking about strategy games, and to me, pickup and seduction is a strategy game of sorts. As I mentioned last week, it also comes down to execution (the distinction between micro and macro from the gaming world).

Today I’ll continue to discuss what I’ve learned from playing RTS games and how they apply to seduction. Due to the pandemic, I’ve started playing again (what else is there to do?), and the more I play, the more I see how my overall mindset has been influenced by my time playing online.

Last week I broke down the overall ideas behind RTS games and how they apply to seduction, and today I will get deeper into the subject and show how strategic thinking from RTS can help you become a better seducer.

Selection Bias in the Women You Date

Chase Amante's picture

By: Chase Amante

selection bias in datingEach man forms his opinions on women from the women he meets. Yet not every man meets the same sorts of women — so selection bias shapes his opinions.

I've talked about this a bit here and there. But today I'd like to highlight it specifically (and clearly).

You (yes you, the reader) are suffering from selection bias in the women you date.

Your opinions about women form from a subsection of all women that is almost certainly not comprehensive.

Further, even if you've experienced a broad cross section of women over time, if your seductions of late have been limited to a smaller cross section of women (and any chunk of your seductions across any discrete chunk of time will likely have been), selection bias has crept in whether you realize it or not.

Selection bias is subtle but sometimes insidious. It can lead men to sweeping, inaccurate beliefs about women they don't realize are inaccurate at a broad scale.

Right now, I'd like to highlight how selection bias in dating works, to help you be aware, and allow you to shield yourself from the downsides of this mental glitch we all possess.