Confidence | Girls Chase

Confidence

How confidence affects results with women, and how to get your confidence, boldness, and "inner game" tightened up and running smoothly.

Framing: "I Hope" vs. "I Know"

hope vs know
Do you seek approval? Is your behavior tentative or uncertain… or is it clear to women that you are confident – that you just KNOW what you are and what your value is?

Sometime back, I wrote an article on giving girls oral sex (i.e., cunnilingus).

In it, I gave a tip of maintaining eye contact through the session if you want to ratchet up the intensity.

A reader writing in the comment section commented that his girl "hates it, finds it incredibly feminine." He adds that women in pornography "stare up at the guy while giving him a blow job, seeking approval." Then says that his woman doesn't want that.

It took me a moment to wrap my head around where this guy was coming from at first. Yet, then, I realized where that was.

With almost anything you can do, there are different ways of framing a thing, both internally (in your head) and externally (the way you present it).

In this case, here was me framing a thing one way. Then this reader came along and framed it another way.

This difference in framing gets picked up on by the woman herself.

Don't Tell Women Your Weaknesses

tell girlfriend your weaknesses
Sometimes you want to open up to a girl and tell her your fears and weaknesses. But this behavior itself is a weakness – and you should not indulge it.

I have seen a certain behavior since I got into the seduction community that seems to be fairly common.

It is a behavior of men seeking to bond with women by opening up about their weaknesses, foibles, and fears. Or else seeking to use women as de facto therapists.

The end result is rarely what the man hopes for: instead, it hardens the woman on the man, turns her against him, and leads to him (the man) getting hurt.

Every time I see a man do this, my reaction is, "Why would you do that?"

And a lot of the time the man will answer with, "I thought she would care about me," or, "I just wanted to feel accepted," or, "I thought it was safe to open up to her."

Or they will say, "I thought women liked vulnerability."

It is true, women do like vulnerability. However, they like strong vulnerability.

They despise weakness.

Women are not cruel by default. But they very often are cruel to men they view as weak. This is an important principle to understand: women are kind to strong men, and cruel to weak men. This is because women adore strong men, and women despise weak men.

Even women with good hearts. Even women who do not want to hurt anyone. If you show weakness (not vulnerability, but weakness) to a woman, she is going to feel the emotion of disgust. She may be self-aware enough to resist this emotion, and recognize an injured soul and tell herself to feel compassion for you, but she is still going to be disgusted nevertheless.

You must not go around showing or flaunting weaknesses to women.

Especially not women you want to sleep with or have any kind of ongoing relationship with.

Beauty Is the Reward of Valor

beauty is the reward of valor
Women don't respond to timorous men. But they respond (in almost shocking ways) to strong, driven, valiant ones… with beauty as valor's reward.

Writing of the invasion in 396 A.D. of Alaric and the Goths into Greece (not long before the fall of Rome, and well after Greece had declined as a regional power and slid into decadence and decay), Edward Gibbon notes:

The troops which had been posted to defend the Straits of Thermopylae, retired, as they were directed, without attempting to disturb the secure and rapid passage of Alaric; and the fertile fields of Phocis and Boeotia were instantly covered by a deluge of Barbarians who massacred the males of an age to bear arms, and drove away the beautiful females, with the spoil and cattle of the flaming villages.

...

The vases and statues were distributed among the Barbarians, with more regard to the value of the materials, than to the elegance of the workmanship; the female captives submitted to the laws of war; the enjoyment of beauty was the reward of valor; and the Greeks could not reasonably complain of an abuse which was justified by the example of the heroic times.

The descendants of that extraordinary people, who had considered valor and discipline as the walls of Sparta, no longer remembered the generous reply of their ancestors to an invader more formidable than Alaric. "If thou art a god, thou wilt not hurt those who have never injured thee; if thou art a man, advance:—and thou wilt find men equal to thyself."

The Goths had finished sacking Asia Minor, yet, unable to breach the walls of Constantinople, had wheeled about, crossed back into Europe, and burned a path through Greece.

The Greeks, no longer the manly warriors of their forebears, retreated, leaving the pass of Thermopylae unguarded. 900 years earlier, the Spartan King Leonidas I had for three days resisted a 100,000-man Persian army with a force of 300 Spartans and 700 Thespians at Thermopylae. And even only 140 years earlier, circa 250 A.D., the Greeks halted an earlier Gothic invasion at Thermopylae. This time, however, the soft and timorous Greeks retreated from the pass, and the Goths carved through, slaughtered the young men like pigs, and took the females as their prizes.

You might at first pity the Greeks.

Poor soft, unwarrior-like, decadent Greeks, invaded by the savage Goths, the quivering young men of Greece murdered, the fair young women of Greece carried away as war brides.

Yet, the people and land of Greece were hers to lose. Her soldiers shrunk back in fear of the invading Goths, and the Goths claimed their spoils, of blood, gold, and women.

And as Gibbon says, the enjoyment of beauty is the reward of valor.

Beauty is not something enjoyed by the man too cowardly to earn it.

In your own life, too, if you wish to enjoy beauty, you must behave with valor.

How to Access Flow State and Advance to Seduction Mastery

flow state
Flow state is the miraculous place where everything works and makes you feel like a boss. What does it take to access flow state and make it your long-term ally?

If you’ve been cold approaching long enough, you’ll have heard the term “getting into state,” or perhaps “state control.” If you hang out with new pickup dudes, you’ve probably heard it in a phrase like, “I can’t approach tonight, bro. I’m not in state.”

That’s the beauty of seduction theory. Whenever some new idea comes out, weak men always find a way to use it as an excuse to not take action.

So, what is this mystical “state” we're talking about here?

State is the magical place where everything works. When you’re in “flow,” or “the zone,” you become a demi-god of skill, charisma, and focus. It’s a powerful place to be, not just with pickup but in any activity that requires skill.

The seminal book on state (and one of my all-time favorites) is Flow, The Psychology of Optimal Experience by Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi. I’ll be quoting Mihaly as “MC” for this article, and any mentions of “flow” will refer to his book. The state of being in flow, I will call “state.”

You Don't Need to Be Perfect – Your Flaws Are What Make You Attractive

flaws make you attractive
The next time you want to approach a girl but want to chicken out even more, remember: when it comes to attraction, having flaws is better than being perfect.

There are few skills more useful and powerful for developing your charisma than cold approach pickup. At its very core, all it entails is approaching women to make them feel comfortable enough to let you inside them.

The concept is simple, but the application is hard.

Imagine you’re a robot. You’re given a program, and the code tells you to: walk up to a girl, tell her she’s cute, talk to her for two minutes, and ask for her contact.

A robot would have no problem with this task because it doesn’t feel emotions like fear, doubt, insecurity, or self-consciousness. It would just approach with the correct formula compiled from the Girls Chase seduction database, and make it happen. A robot would know exactly the right techniques to apply, like how to touch a girl, how to make her feel comfortable, the right vocal tonality, plus the proper subjects and replies to elicit positive emotions like attraction, arousal, and intrigue.

What the robot would lack, however, is exactly what makes the best seducers so excellent, which is not necessarily control of emotions, but emotions themselves.

It’s often our flaws and deficiencies that make us charismatic. Not perfection, but imperfection that arouses the deepest interest. Rags to riches, zero to hero, the underdog story.

Science fiction has covered this. The creators program quirks and flaws into AI behavior, just to make humans more comfortable around them (droids). But we humans are naturally imperfect, so to strive for perfection is futile, even if you've been fitted with Borg implants. A “perfect” robotic companion would make us uneasy. We’d always wonder if our AI slave was ready to usurp and replace us. Just like having the “perfect” girl will leave most men insecure that she will leave him.

We should only strive for improvement, not perfection. It’s those who don’t strive for any growth whatsoever who dwell in the shadows, far away from any recognition. They may call themselves enlightened, but even the priest is looking to improve his relationship with his God, at least.

Look at someone like my favorite author, Charles Bukowski, for example. He wrote hilarious books and beautiful poetry that inspired millions to try their hand at writing. He took poetry away from intellectuals and gave it back to ordinary people. He was also a brutal alcoholic, depressive, and a jerk to women. But we love him for his honesty.

If it weren’t for Bukowski’s “flaws,” he wouldn’t have developed his deep understanding of what living a life of poverty can do to establish a man as an artist. His flaws are precisely what made his writings so perceptive and rich.

You don’t need to be perfect, just improving. It saddens me how many of you will never try to achieve something great because the task seems too far away, too impossible — as if you won’t gain anything from even trying.

A Little Vulnerability Is Okay, but How Much Should You Reveal?

how to show vulnerability
Insecurity and vulnerability are not the same thing. Women run from insecurity but find a little vulnerability endearing. So how much should you show her?

As I discussed in my last article, anxiety is very bad for your endeavors with women. End of story!

Unfortunately, women perceive anxiety as a weakness, and often revealing the anxiety to women can cause them to lose all attraction for you. Now the key here is in revealing anxiety. Everyone feels anxious once in a while, some more than others. Sometimes anxiety is genetic, and it’s within a person’s persona to feel anxious periodically.

However, just because you feel anxiety doesn’t mean you have to reveal it to anyone. More importantly, even when women see you’re feeling anxious, it doesn’t mean you have to reveal the true source of your anxiety to them!

Notice I said when. Women are naturally super sensitive to a guy’s vibe; by instinct, women are fully sensitive to human vibes. Think of the bond and senses women have to take care of and raise babies, even before the age of technology, farming, and civilization. It’s important to note that women can transmute another human’s emotions. You can transfer a sexual state from yourself to a woman if you let her feel allowed and if she actively follows your lead and dominance!

If you feel anxiety in the presence of a woman, she’s going to feel it. If you’re prone to frequent anxiety, you’ll inevitably feel anxiety at some point with a woman. For some guys, it’s feeling anxious on the approach, and this can mess up their approach vibe every time! Some get nervous about the first date. And for other guys, it can be about what to do with her when they get her home. For the longest time, I struggled with last-minute resistance and got anxious in the moment right before sex.

No matter what, if you feel anxiety, you can bet that she’ll feel it, too.

The good news is that you can change the source of anxiety over time. What makes you anxious can go away with concerted effort and practice by putting yourself in front of the anxiety-inducing situation and succeeding over and over. This is sure to change your body’s perception of what was previously a threat. And I can attest that it works. Unlike before, these days, I get super excited and horny when I have a girl at home.

In the meantime, you need to figure out how to be vulnerable in the right way when your anxiety comes up.

Do You Only “Think” She’s Out of Your League?

she's out of my league
Why do you think she’s out of your league? Is it because she really is, or is it because you’ve put her there for no good reason?

Most guys who immerse themselves in pickup theory are looking to date up, not down. They want the women they’ve fantasized about, and they won't settle for less.

That’s why I got into this stuff. I was so incredibly insecure that just talking to a pretty girl would trigger a panic attack. Then if I found the guts to approach a girl (I rarely did), I’d stutter, sweat, and say ridiculous things that made no sense.

I could stare longingly at the beautiful girls, but I had no clue how to capture their attention. And besides, they were out of my league. These girls didn’t hook up with guys like me. They went out with the popular, outgoing guys, not the introverts.

 

Transformation

So as I neared my 30s and really delved into this seduction stuff, it all made sense. It wasn’t that I wasn’t good-looking enough, too short, or too low on the social ladder. I just didn’t understand the women’s point of view. I had no grasp of psychology — theirs or my own.

I spent years reading, watching videos, going out day and night to parties, social events, and did cold approaching at the mall just so I could look into a beautiful girl’s eyes in a way she’d know that I’m used to women like her. It’s no big deal. She’s safe with me.

Where men are primarily attracted to looks, women have much different attraction mechanisms. If you understand female psychology, you can use this to date women you might have considered out of your league.

You Must Fix Your 'Inner Game' (by Doing External Things)

inner game
"Inner game" is the way you play the game on the inside. Good inner game is crucial – but the way to improve yours is not alone in a room in front of the mirror.

I had a call earlier with our director / casting director Casandra, who is always an absolute joy to talk to. Casandra was pivotal to the filming of my 'get the girl in one date' program One Date & The Dating Artisan, as well as a few other programs we're set to release in the next couple months (including my long-delayed course on personal charisma and a bachelor lifestyle, and another on touch).

On our call we discussed a new project we want to do for this lockdown situation. While we were on it, Casandra told me a rather incredible story of her own about guys she'd encountered who still had a lot of 'inner game' work to do.

The coaching I want to do is one where, rather than have a student on with a coach, then send him out between sessions to practice in the real world with women (which many guys can't do now due to the lockdown), we instead have him alternate between coaching sessions and video 'date' sessions with beautiful girls we've trained to go on these practice dates with guys so they can do what they've covered with the coach despite the lockdown.

Casandra liked the idea and we are at present setting that up (it's still going to be a week or two before I'll be able to tell you more... but if you're interested, you can fill out this form; we'll be in touch as soon as we can say more about it).

Anyway... as we talked about this, Casandra told me a story of her own, that related to the kind of thing we discussed.

A while back, she'd worked with another date coach, named Leo. Leo was helping a group of U.K. students who were 'below beginner' in romantic experience. They had very little experience with women, although Casandra said they were all "nice people, not weird or bad, they all looked normal, some were even handsome."

Leo decided to put these guys into one-on-one interactions with beautiful women to acclimate them to women like that. Casandra recruited the girls, and also joined herself.

Then came go-time. When the students started talking to the women normally, just in a normal person-to-person interaction, everything was fine.

But then, Leo told each student to imagine that he had approached his girl, that she liked him, and now he was talking to her. After Leo told the guys this, Casandra cocked her head a bit and smiled at the guy she was paired up with. Just a very cute, warm little smile (she showed me this smile. Totally harmless smile).

And her guy started crying.

A number of the guys started crying.

The moment they were asked to imagine these were girls they'd approached, they just lost it, and started bawling.

Casandra said she was shocked at the response. And honestly, while I have been in this business for 12 years, I was also a little surprised to hear this. Probably because many of the guys we get on GC are not total hard case beginners... many of them are guys who have a little dating success under their belts already and just want to up their results.

And I will say -- even when I was totally socially isolated myself (in my teens), I still had beautiful girls flirting with me or pursuing me (because I did other stuff to seem cool and attract women in). So I always felt 'entitled' to hot women.

Hearing about guys crying when faced with beautiful women they were told to imagine they'd approached got me thinking about this whole 'broken inner game' thing.

Because certainly, if a guy is starting out in a place like that, his inner game needs work.

Do You Feel Anxious Around Women? Don’t Let Them See It

anxiety is a turn-off
Women are attracted to confidence, and anxiety is the opposite of confidence. So if women don’t find anxiety sexy, but it’s a normal feeling, what can we do about it?

Having recently lost a lover because of anxious thoughts, I figured it would be useful to cover how to address anxiety with women and dating.

While anxiety is a normal human emotion, some people feel it more than others. It’s a terrible weakness to display around a woman and is the opposite emotion from a “turn-on” and sexual excitement.

Think back to your most memorable sexual experiences, if you’ve had some. Was anxiety present? Would anxiety have helped the experience? If yes, did the anxiety make the situation better?

Most likely, your best experiences around women involve no anxiety at all. But if you’ve had experiences that did include anxiety, and I’ve had many, I can attest that these moments become question marks in women’s eyes.

Anxiety, especially if it shows up at critical moments like the first kiss or the first escalation, can ruin your chances to get a woman and keep seeing her.

Men will often experience anxiety and nervousness in critical moments during a seduction:

On the journey of getting better with women, men must train themselves to never feel anxiety around women, particularly in the critical moments mentioned above. As a rule, it’s best to avoid showing any anxiety around a woman you want to be sexual with.

How to Stop Being a Simp: 10 Steps

how to stop being a simpSomehow, despite the existence of this website, and the half million to million people who read it every month, there are apparently more men desperate for female approval than ever in recorded history.

There is an outright simp epidemic.

Is there anything sadder than a man who swallows his pride, pedestalizes the feminine, and launches limp-wristed attacks against his fellow man in a feeble attempt to curry favor with women?

Truly, there is no man more tragic than the simp.

First, here is the SIMP TEST. Watch this video, and pay careful attention to your emotions:

SIMPING IS KING SHIT CONFIRMED pic.twitter.com/B7kF1f6wfN

— Ching (@Hotline_Ching) March 10, 2020

Did you experience a sort of cognitive dissonance, and a kind of revulsion that says, "Though this woman is young and attractive, I find her oddly and off-puttingly moronic, and I also think she is lying?"

Congratulations, you are not a simp. The rest of this article does not apply to you.

However, you may want to read it anyway to make especially sure to inoculate yourself against the dangers of simp-dom.

On the other hand, if, when watching that video, did you not experience any cognitive dissonance, and instead experienced a swelling of pride? Did you feel something along the lines of, "This beautiful woman recognizes me for my superior quality?"

If so, I regret to inform you you are a carrier of SIMP.

But don't fear.

There is a cure.

If you follow my 10-step method, we can restore your testosterone levels to normal, train you to prefer manly domination over effeminate obeisance, and make you a man women actually respect and desire to sleep with (perhaps even chase), rather than one they manipulate then giggle about as he conducts himself in embarrassing fashion on their behalfs.