Confidence | Girls Chase

Confidence

How confidence affects results with women, and how to get your confidence, boldness, and "inner game" tightened up and running smoothly.

Game-Life Balance

game-life balance
How do you balance game (as in, the art of getting together with women) – and the pursuit of getting better and better at game – with the rest of your life?

On a recent article of mine, Sub-Zero comments to ask about what we might call 'game-life balance':

Hey Chase,

1. I was wondering with going out 3-4 times a week, how do we handle that if we work 9-5?

should we go to the club early and leave at like 1, instead of staying until close around 3ish during weekdays?

then you got to think, what if you take girls home? then who knows how long you'll be out and you'll have work in the morning.

how did you pull it off?

Overthinking and Seduction Don't Mix

seduction and overthinking
Attraction requires a flow of action and reaction. It gets disrupted when you overthink. To gain a successful seducer’s mindset, practice acting on a whim.

As men, we are thinkers. When faced with a problem or difficult scenario, we want to take a seat and mull over the possibilities. As a seducer, you want to interrupt that process and adopt another kind of thinking.

There are a few things overthinking men do “wrong” in the eyes of women:

  1. Acting on opportunities too late or delaying sexual behavior to seem chivalrous

  2. Promising things in the future that have no evidence in the present

  3. Desiring the ideal of sex like it can't go wrong and losing sight of reality where it can

We tend to slow down when things get complex, but women start to worry and think faster as things get complicated. To girls, we seem ill-equipped to handle complexity. Girls have no way of measuring the potential success rate when we sit down to think; they assume we are “sitting this one out.” So by that standard, it is not chivalrous to delay sexual behavior; it is often seen as a man “quitting very easily.”

Also, we like to promise the future to women. However, women are intensely connected to their feelings in the "right now," and the future does not affect them emotionally like the present does. A woman will never give up an emotion NOW for an unmeasurable gain later. Neither will she respect a promise without strong evidence, no matter your conviction.

Lastly, if you desire sex, and do not consider all the ways it can blow up and be annoying, girls will just become lazy and entitled about sex. They’ll think of you as far too slow-witted to have a mind of your own about what is desirable. And if they think you don't know what is desirable, they won't strive to be desired by you.

These three concepts are why you need to stop sitting down to think or slowing down to seem thoughtful. Girls do not think like you, they think faster and faster, intensely relying on feelings NOW, and they adhere to a code of absolute desire or apathy.

To think like a seducer, you must become uninhibited in every action you take, adhering to a philosophy they adore. You must flow from task to task, and make the complex seem simple and beautiful. You cannot slow down or get flustered, and you cannot overthink.

Seducing is much like playing a musical instrument. You cannot worry about what others will think of you if you start scrunching your face as you search for the perfect sound. You can't stop halfway through the song to think through the next part. At that exact moment in time, it is sink or swim, and you must act in the way that produces maximum effect. Anything less, and you will not capture people's imagination or stir up their feelings.


Do Not Compare Yourself to Women

women have it easier
"Women have it easier." Well sure, in many ways they do. But YOU are not in competition with women.

There is a thing I have seen online (not so much in real life, but perhaps I'm not socializing with the right guys for it in real life) where guys complain about how easy women have it or how much XYZ thing favors women.

I'll give a few examples of this:

  • "Women don't know anything about how hard it is to approach guys. Men approach THEM! Why do men have to do all the work?"

  • "Dating is all about what the woman wants. Men have to do all the work of planning and wooing and courting a girl. The man has to make all the moves. Then if he messes up, the woman walks! How is any of that fair!"

  • "The law is completely stacked on women's side! If a woman wants to screw a man over, she totally can! As a man, you are a second class citizen!"

Are these things true?

Well yes, they are. Men do have to do all the work of the approach. Men do have to do all the work of the date. Men do get ditched if they mess up with a girl, often (but not always. Girls will cut you some slack if they like you). The law does often favor women (though not quite to the extent most men's rights activists seem to think).

I guess if you are arguing for a change to cultural norms, or the legal system, it might be worthwhile to complain about this stuff and get a movement going.

If you're on Girls Chase though, I assume your primary objective is more success in the world as it exists, and not so much becoming a political activist to try to change the world.

You might well be a political activist too. But that's not why you are here.

If you're here, it's because you want girls.

And if you want girls, stop comparing yourself with girls.

Do Seducers Seek Women's Approval?

seeking female approval
If you go out to flirt and talk with women, and you set up dates, and have sex, does that mean what you’re really after is female approval? Well, yes and no.

There is this argument that resurfaces every so often from the MGTOW/MRA/incel crowd. The argument is that by approaching women, flirting with them, asking them out, and sleeping with them, you are engaged in approval-seeking behavior. A seducer is the ultimate 'approval seeker', by this logic, because he devotes even more time to seeking out women to date and bed than an ordinary guy.

It's an interesting argument.

At its core, there is truth. There's a fair bit of approval seeking among some chunks of dating men. And in general, any public activity you engage in to any extent involves at least a little approval seeking.

Speaking to another human is always going to be a form of approval speaking: you want this other human to acknowledge (and approve of) your thoughts, perspectives, point of view. (If you don't think that's the case, then find me one person who has no reaction when his thoughts or perspectives are rejected and mocked by another individual. Such a man is very rare.)

You want to feel (in the language of today's progressives) validated (approved of) by others.

Pickup Practice

pickup practice
If you have a little trouble approaching (or sticking with it after the first few approaches), just switch yourself over to “pickup practice mode.”

There are three different 'going out modes' a guy can be in when he might meet girls:

  1. Just hanging out mode
  2. Make something happen mode
  3. Pickup practice mode

One of the major differentiators between different skill levels of seducer is what mode the guy gets 'hung up' in. Because to do truly well with women you want to be able to use all three.

6 Big Secrets to Being ‘Fearless’ as a Man

how to be fearless
Fear can be useful to avoid being eaten by lions. But when it comes to approaching women and living life to its fullest, you must learn how to be fearless.

Imagine how awesome your life would be if you knew how to be fearless. You could do anything. You’d be full beast mode.

I have a friend. Let’s call him Jim. Jim’s a writer. He's like me but not as good looking. He always wanted to write the next American classic. He wanted to be the next Bukowski, Jack London, or Hemingway.

Whenever I’d return from a trip to some foreign country, like Vietnam, Ukraine, or Mexico, I’d invite him to come on my next trip with me. He’d say, “Tony, isn’t it dangerous there? I prefer a nice, safe Alaskan cruise. You should try a cruise.”

When I went camping with him, all he wanted to do was sit around, drinking and sketching pictures of the campfire. I wanted to trek into the forest and climb the nearest mountain. “Oh, Tony, but there are bears and stuff. We could get lost.”

He is also obsessed with mainstream media and believes that right-wing Nazis are taking over the world again. He lives in a constant state of fear. Every decision has some terrible consequence. In this perpetual state of paranoia, nothing truly inspirational happens, nothing random, adventurous, or worthy of retelling.

He never wrote his great American novel because he never had any great American experiences. He never fought real Nazis, or traveled to Africa, or made love to exotic women. Because he had no idea how to be fearless as a man, he couldn’t live a life adventurous enough to write a book.

He fears death. And it’s the fear of death that keeps us from living.

I told him that, and we haven’t been friends since.

You're Worried About Stuff She Doesn't Care About

she doesn't care
You might worry what she'll think of your clothes, hair, mood, or your place. But she doesn't always care about this stuff as much as you think.

There are many things men often think women care about... that they really, absolutely do NOT.

It's one of the biggest mental blocks that holds men back with women. Guy worries about something women don't care about, and proceeds to not try. "I'm too X; she won't want me. So I won't try." "I'm not Y enough; she won't want me. So I won't try." Meanwhile the reality is she doesn't care about X or Y, or not to the extent you think she does.

I have a friend who was prolific with women years back and took some time off from proper dating. He's now getting back into the swing of meeting new girls. The other day he had a sexy girl eye him up hard... another guy was hitting on her friend, and this girl wanted my buddy. But he had a few reasons to not go for her: he had to finish some work he had a deadline for, and also... his place was too dingy and dirty. He'll switch to a newer, nicer apartment in a few days and prefers to wait to pick up until then.

The work thing is understandable. But the apartment thing stuck out at me.

Because women (most women) do not care about a dingy apartment when they are into you enough.

I have slept with plenty of women in small, crummy apartments or hotel rooms.

I have shagged women in friends' filthy, crumb-filled, stained sheets that hadn't been changed in months.

I have shagged women on the dirt outside, shagged them on rocks, have gone raw on countless women I just met (most objections I've gotten to that have come during or after, rather than before). I have shagged women after not having showered for a week. I have shagged women when I had body odor they complained about (but not enough to stop the sex. Also, just for the record, my body odor is usually not bad. Not sure why it occasionally is. Diet? Stress? Who knows?). This is all stuff about which a whole lot of guys would say "Oh no, I couldn't possibly have sex with her now, because X!"

Women will tell you they care about all this stuff. But mating itself is a dirty act, and once a woman decides she wants you, dirty stuff she'd have told you would be a deal breaker other times largely stops mattering.

I grew up compulsively clean, too. It took me time to get over that, and to realize all but the most germophobic women do not care about it, when they want you. I get a kick out of dirty lays today. It's a bit of a thrill to be some girl's dirty man. Many guys these days are too tidy to be that for her. (that said, I do usually try to keep things clean. If only for my own peace of mind)

However, this article isn't just about being a dirty lover. It's about ALL the stuff guys use to talk themselves out of taking action... yet that girls don't actually care about.

There is a lot more stuff guys think women care about that they don't than dirty apartments, sheets, showers, or smells.

Harnessing the Seductive Power of the Dark Triad

dark triad seduction
Women are instinctively attracted to men with dark triad qualities. But you don’t have to be a psychopath to capitalize on that. The first step is learning to not care.

Have you ever felt like you’re being watched? Like Big Brother or the Eye of Sauron is gazing down upon you, judging your actions, biding its time before sending in the Gestapo to whisk you off to some dungeon?

You’re not alone.

This is what many men feel like when they’re doing pickup. That they’re being watched, and what they’re attempting to do is so morally reprehensible that it’s practically criminal. The current political climate adds to these fears, no doubt.

It’s such a common issue that I’ve written dozens of articles and could probably write an entire book on the subject. I might call it:

The Unapologetic PUA: How to Not Care What People Think

In regards to picking up girls, if you want to be great at it, you have to not care what anyone thinks about you. You must be:

  • Not in your head worrying yourself out of approaching
  • Present, calm, and charming when you do approach

It’s what men spend years attempting to master. To become soulless approach-robots with one aim in life: to have sex with hot girls!

Don't Chicken Out with Women; "Next Time" Never Comes

dating next time

There are many common errors men make in dating. These errors sabotage in small ways or large ways with women. The errors put guys through endless frustrations... usually of their own doing.

We'll talk about an error today in the way guys often think about "next time." Because it's sort of a big one, but it's likely one you won't stop to reconsider too often.

If you sift back through your memories, I bet you will find instances where you thought "I'll do it next time." See a beautiful girl? "I'll talk to her next time." Talk to beautiful girl? "I'll ask her out next time." On a date with beautiful girl? "I'll ask her home next time." Home alone with beautiful girl? "I'll make a move on her next time." As soon as you read these, I know you know the thoughts are counterproductive. If you're like most men, you still have them sometimes anyway though, don't you?

What's not included are the 'next time' thoughts you don't have. Like "That girl rejected me, but I'll get it next time." Or "My approach sucked. Next time will be better." Or "It's all gone tits-up with this girlfriend. But I'll do things right with my next one."

Men have these 'positive next time' thoughts far less often than they should. Yet they are a key to staying sane in the moment, and heading off neediness before it crops up.