Women don't know your insecurities or care about them. So be free. Let the past go, and go get the girl.In the dating community, there's always this debate about inner vs. outer game, technique vs. belief.
The truth is, they're symbiotic. Where would the bee be without flowers? It would just buzz around and die.
Women will throw all kinds of tests your way. On dates and in relationships, the tests don't stop. That can grate you… or you can learn to love it.Whether you're approaching a woman for the first ever time, or you're dealing with her in your long-term relationship, she's going to test you.
These tests never go away. Not permanently.
You can get a woman to a point in a pickup where she is more or less fully on board with you and the tests subside to a light flirtatious murmur... so long as you maintain the vibe, the forward progress, and don't make big mistakes.
You can get a woman to a point in a relationship where she has fallen back in-love with you again after a time not being so, where the adversity in the relationship has quelled, and she's staring at you with dreamy eyes again... for a while.
Tests always return, though.
Sometimes they sneak back in in little ways, dancing around the fringes.
The girl you're picking up pushes back gently and playfully when you invite her home: "Oh, we're leaving so soon?"
The girl you've been dating for 6 months who's mostly pretty happy with you puts your feet to a gentle fire: "Where do you want this relationship to go?"
Sometimes the tests come roaring in in earth-shattering ways. She tells you there's no way she'd go with you, or that the relationship is done.
The first time most guys realize this, it feels like a colossal burden.
"The tests never end!"
Yet so much of life is how you frame it. This is true with tests as it is with anything.
Tests can be an endless burden, yes. Or they can be a thing you appreciate, or even love.
You must fail before you succeed at any great skill. This is especially true for getting girls, a skill so many men fear failing at so greatly.I was working with a client who is struggling with all the usual suspects:
If you view some women as virginal saintly Madonnas, and others as dissolute slutty whores, does that create problems for you?Have you ever heard of the Madonna-whore complex?
When I was young, there was this special girl.
She played volleyball for a rival school’s team. When she’d come to play at my school, I’d watch her bounce and frolic and think: “If only she were my girl, I’d be the happiest guy in the world.”
I built her up in my imagination to be the perfect girlfriend, even though I’d never met her. She was my “one-itis.”
Fast forward a couple years. I entered high school, infiltrated her social circle, asked her out, and wow, she became my first girlfriend!
I spent a few months going to her house, making out on her couch, annoying her while she did her homework. I never slept with her because I “knew” she wasn’t ready (hah).
In retrospect, I was the one who wasn’t ready. I was young, needy, and insecure. So she dumped me.
I cried many boy tears. I left roses on her doorstep. I wrote her love letters. And then, a few days later, I saw her making out with the captain of the rugby team in front of my locker.
What? My angel must have been seduced by this evil bastard! He drugged her. He brainwashed her!
Many years later, I found her on Facebook. “You were my first girlfriend. I was crazy about you,” I said.
“Oh, I remember that. I was such a slut back then,” she replied.
And pop went my illusion of the perfect girl. By this point, I was an experienced man-whore. But I still had a Madonna-whore complex, and I saw her as a Madonna.
A forum member spends over a year pining over a girl he likes yet never talks to. What can he finally do to get things moving?I found an interesting post on Skilled Seducer, the Girls Chase forum.
If you’re not yet a member, it’s a great place to go for guidance, to make friends, or share what you’ve learned on your journey.
If you join, you might get personalized advice from guys like myself, Alex, Hector, or even Chase.
I'll use this post to highlight a ubiquitous and unfortunate problem for a great many men, who find themselves pining away, waiting in vain:
The problem of that one special girl.
Solving this problem means rescuing yourself from the chain of torture, paralysis, and perpetual waiting for things that never come to pass.
CAPTIONWe’ve all heard of approach anxiety, but what about approach procrastination?
Approach procrastination is delaying, avoiding, or putting off the act of going out to practice approaching women.
Approach procrastinators say they want to learn pickup, but only get out on the weekend for a short day or night session, then go home to procrastinate for another week, or four.
These chronic approach procrastinators often hang out on forums, or WhatsApp groups, where they are eager to discuss and argue their seduction and self-improvement philosophies. I see them on the streets, or in the malls when I’m running bootcamps, walking in circles for hours, occasionally mustering the courage to do an approach. By that time, their busy wingmen have already tried ten or more times, and are ready to go home and play Xbox.
Because these men never put in the real effort required to meet available and eager women, they become discouraged, which further disincentivizes them to try again. This leads to feelings of missed opportunities, guilt, stress, depression and resentment.
How do I know this? Because I, Tony D, am a serial procrastinator. Over the years I’ve developed a toolset to keep me moving forward and keep me from falling into a torpid state of apathy and sloth. So, I’ll do my best to help you chronic procrastinators in your quest to be awesome with women.
Let’s look at the main causes of approach procrastination
Most men will never excel with women for one simple reason: they're too scared of looking stupid.I’ve met many guys who are trying to get good with girls.
And I’ve noticed a common theme: guys just spinning their wheels, putting in the effort but not seeing progress.
Much of this comes down to expecting certain results and not looking for the right progression markers.
However, some guys do not know what to expect and are unprepared for how deep seduction truly is.
What mindsets does a man need to succeed at picking up women? The ones in this article. Without these, success will be permanently out of reach.
There are many ways men think about picking up women. Many of these ways are not helpful, though.
Once you're in this long enough, you start to notice a lot of the same mindsets again and again among learners.
Some of these mindsets help the mindset holders succeed with women.
A lot of them do not.
If you want something in life, like a woman to love (or 50 women to love), you're just going to have to figure out how you'll make that happen.
Long before I was a dating coach, I was in a sort of “factotum,” or a state of bouncing through many different jobs. I quit most and was fired from a few. I just didn’t find many jobs rewarding for anything other than paying rent.
At one of these jobs, I was a low-voltage electrician. During the plasma TV boom, every rich person in Vancouver wanted one on their wall. So my job was to install these big, heavy televisions.
I hated it, but the pay was good. It was a hard job that required a lot of problem-solving. How do you get these wires across this house or apartment and into an electronics equipment panel without them being visible? We had to go into the wall, through the attic, or into the crawl space. Then we had to mount these 50-pound beasts (pre-LCD TV) onto these awkward wall brackets.
Some days I’d look at what was involved for an install, and it seemed impossible. I’d want to tear my hair out, quit, and live on welfare. So I’d call my boss and say, “I don’t see how this is possible. It’s too difficult.”
And my boss always gave me the most powerful and vague advice:
“Make it happen, Tony.”
And he’d hang up.
