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PSA: Don't Chide Girls/Society; Stay Sane

Chase Amante's picture
stay saneWhen things are getting crazy, you can let the crazy get you, or you can keep a cool head. Don’t give in to the weirdness; keep your head screwed on straight.

I am seeing guys increasingly having trouble dealing with some of the social weirdness going on right now.

There are a couple of parallel mass hysterias happening at the moment. Almost everyone has been driven into one or the other of them at this point. That's what hysterias do... they push people to extremes and force them to pick sides.

We have been having guys vent on the forum about women buying into the mass panic. Others are debating whether they should relocate (to avoid lockdowns/lifestyle restrictions) or comply with various measures (or, if not, risk losing their livelihoods). It's rational to have concerns... any time anyone is pushing something on you, trying to force something on you, it's wise to be careful and move prudently.

However, no matter what is going on around you, if all the world's gone mad, even if people are forcing you to do things at gunpoint, whatever it is, you've got to keep a cool head.

You've got to keep a cool head for your own sake, and you've got to keep a cool head for the sake of anyone dependent or reliant on you in any way.

You will find, if you can keep a cool head, things rarely turn out as bad as you fear.

Did the Game Drop You or Did You Drop the Game?

Alek Rolstad's picture
did the game drop you?Sometimes it can feel like the game has changed… and things that used to work to get girls don’t work anymore. Yet the game abides. You can rebound, too.

Lately, I have been discussing issues with low momentum: the times when you feel like you’ve lost your mojo and that getting laid or meeting women is more difficult than ever. Low momentum periods are your “off periods.”

These are the periods when you get few results, and what worked well doesn’t anymore. Your energy level is low, your vibe is not as sexy, and your results have diminished.

It’s a natural part of the game. All seducers face periods of high and low momentum. How long the low periods last depends on your skill level, experience, and how much work you put into getting out of low momentum.

I have discussed the benefits of not giving up during low momentum, plus provided a guide on how to get out of it. If you are experiencing low momentum, these posts are for you!

Today, I’ll share a reflection on low momentum that stems from a chat I had with fellow experienced seducers.

Usually, I don’t write philosophical posts as I prefer to share practical insights, but I can sometimes make exceptions.

If Every Girl's a Bitch, You're Doing Something Wrong

Chase Amante's picture
every girl's a bitchDoes it seem like most girls are awful, horrid, mean-spirited bitches? If it does, it’s a sign you’re doing something wrong – and that’s a good thing (it means you can fix it).

Does it seem to you that almost every girl you meet is just an unnecessarily mean person?

Do you ever find yourself wondering why so many girls are just horrid, ruthless bitches?

Commenting on my article that "Female Bad Behavior Is Often Defensive", Xander writes:

Ok. I agree if bad behavior is one-off interaction that doesn’t mean anything. However, even in this case if that negative reaction is overly negative i.e. overly expressed toward guy (and most women do this at least where I live) that is also the sign that particular woman can be considered as bad person. Many guys (at least what I have seen) don’t do overly annoying things with women and still get overly negative reactions from uninterested/unsure/insecure women.

Also, what I have seen is that the majority of women where I live rarely changes previously negative attitude toward guy. If she is negative during approach, initial interaction or later in courtship she stays that way no matter what guy will do. In live interactions they are rude, bitchy, aloof or disrespectful and it just increases no matter what new tech or moment guy will choose. In online/text interactions they ghost immediately after 2-3 messages, no matter how message is interesting, non-pushy, polite and easy to reply.

I feel sad whenever I read comments like these, for the person who writes them, because you know that person's dating life is hard.

I have read many, many comments by men talking about how horrible most women are. I have also read many, many analogous comments by women panning men (on various Reddit boards and what have you; here's an article about how horrid men are to women, with a bunch of women commenting their bad experiences).

If you take these comments at face value, both most men and most women are absolutely loathsome people: bad dates, bad lovers, and almost all men and women are totally undatable, unpleasant individuals.

It makes you wonder how the species perpetuates itself at all.

Of course, the reality is most men and most women are actually just fine, normal, nice, pleasant people... but that people who have continually negative experiences cause this in others, or misinterpret that from others, almost always without realizing they're causing it or misinterpreting it.

Tactics Tuesdays: Self-Monitoring Setting: LOW

Chase Amante's picture
self-monitoring lowSelf-monitoring allows you to adapt yourself to the people around you. It’s a good thing… but too much of it can really cramp your style (and the naturalness of your interactions).

If you've gone through my charisma course, Charisma In A Bottle (which, incidentally, I'll be re-releasing soon), you're familiar with the concept of 'self-monitoring'.

A self-monitor is someone who keeps a mental eye on himself, observing his own actions, making sure he is acting in 'correct' ways and not screwing things up.

Charismatic people are high self-monitors. While they might seem to be the most casual, relaxed folks out there, they are in fact carefully monitoring and adjusting their social presentation.

Dating is another area that turns men into high self-monitors. You go out to approach girls and you focus relentlessly on:

  • How nervous vs. confident you seem
  • Whether you approach from the right angle
  • If you're delivering an opener she'll respond to
  • If you're getting enough compliance from her fast enough
  • Whether you've moved her soon enough
  • Whether you're dominant enough
  • Whether you're bantering enough
  • What your value is relative to hers
  • What your attainability is relative to hers

... plus a whole bunch of other things you are doing or that are about you.

And while this is useful for spotting your weak points and improving on what you want to improve at, it hobbles your ability to truly be in-the-moment with a girl and interact with her in a truly smooth, natural way.

Thus, some of the time, you are going to want to do things the opposite way, and turn your self-monitoring way down.

The Eject Button (for When You Get Too Stuck in Life)

Chase Amante's picture
eject buttonA man is only as stuck as he allows himself to be. It can take some time to climb out, but you can cultivate options and knowhow, and build a life of freedom for yourself – if you choose.

On our forum, one of our long-time members writes:

My personal fears of the future, has me losing hope, I see no way to live the life I desire (that may be untrue and that what I want is possible) and that has me running to my addictions, instead of having enough hope and groundedness to overcome my problems. I don’t want to let this feeling of hopelessness drive me down my own rabbit hole anymore.

When I was a teen and early twenty-something, I was depressed to the point of despair.

Sometimes I got to dwelling on hitting 'eject', but the only kind of eject I could think of was ejecting from life.

I got over that eventually, and began to branch out into trying all these different things, meeting all these different people, traveling to and living in all these different places.

And I discovered a way of living that was the opposite of how I'd lived when depressed:

Rather than get stuck somewhere, trapped in a situation, with no way out, I could simply step out of any situation and enter a completely new one, any time I liked.

From any situation, at any time, I could hit 'eject', and be free.

Picking Up Girls: Possibility vs. Probability

Chase Amante's picture
pickup probabilityWhat’re the odds you pick up a given sort of girl in a given sort of place? Well, it depends on a few different factors that affect that probability.

We had a conversation over on the forum where a forum member was asking where to find beautiful girls who aren't club goers, social media validation junkies, or nymphomaniacs. He reports that all the hottest girls he's been with came via dating apps, and all these girls were hot-but-broken. He's struggled to meet equally hot girls in-the-flesh via cold approach.

I replied with my thoughts, which included me stating that you are much more likely to find women with high partner counts and personality disorders in nightclubs and in any kind of show-off-y place (like with a prominent social media following) than you are elsewhere.

So, if he wanted to avoid those sorts of women, he'd be better off looking places other than in nightclubs and on dating apps or social media.

This triggered another member to jump on the thread and argue with me that the women you meet in nightclubs, the women you meet on dating apps, and the women you meet via daytime approaching (he even threw in "the women you meet in church") are all exactly one and the same, and any kind of differentiating between such girls is your imagination.

However, I soon realized we were talking about different things:

  • He was talking about possibility, saying things like "You can meet a girl who's a virgin in a nightclub"

  • I was talking about probability, saying things like "You are far less likely to meet a girl who's a virgin in a nightclub than in a campus library"

In seduction, the distinction between possibility and probability is a key one to make, as it influences so much of what you do, where you go to do it, and how exactly you go about it.

How Likely Are You to Succeed? The Learner-Motivation Quadrant

Chase Amante's picture
learner motivationEvery learner falls into one of the four (4) learner-motivation profiles. Achievers find success, Plateauers get stuck, Protestors protest, while Onlookers hang back.

I've been teaching in this space for over a decade-and-a-half now.

What Do You Want with Girls? Let's Map that Out

Chase Amante's picture
dating success mapWithout a map you’ll almost never reach an unfamiliar destination. If you want to succeed with women, you need a little navigation to get there.

What's your aim with women? Have you thought about it?

When you go out to talk to girls, are you just going out randomly or is there a purpose?

Do you go out to try some techniques, and maybe they work or maybe they don't, then you go out another day and try again?

Men who are successful improving rapidly with women walk a fine line between having clear intentions while remaining outcome independent. Most guys err too far on one side of the other of this.

You get guys who have clear intentions... but they get really attached to outcomes. Every outing is an emotional roller coaster ride as they deal with things going or not going their way (often for reasons outside their control).

Then you get guys who are outcome independent... but who have fuzzy intentions. They go out, talk to girls, don't take it personal when it doesn't go their way, but sort of hang about listlessly experimenting with this or that in an undirected way.

Mapping out your desired end goals with women and thinking it through clearly can be a big help to actually getting where you want to get go with girls.

Of course, you must build your map in the most useful way.

How to Get Out of Bad Momentum in Meeting New Women

Alek Rolstad's picture
bad momentum picking up girlsWhen your momentum meeting girls is lacking, your motivation will be down, and your effectiveness won’t be as high. How do you get out of that and back to high momentum again?

Hey guys, and welcome back!

This post is about getting back in shape and re-establishing high momentum meeting girls. But this post may also be useful to new players who are starting out and need a plan to proceed on their journey. This post is suited for players of all levels: beginners and pros alike. Yes, pros too! Since they also experience bad momentum at times.

Last time, we discussed the subject of low momentum. Many of you are experiencing low momentum, or rustiness, as a result of the pandemic. You may feel a bit down, a feeling that you have lost your mojo and that your “glory days” have passed. This is typical low momentum thinking, and it can be frustrating. However, we all experience low momentum at times. You can say the same about high momentum — when you feel like a living sex god and have “that vibe” that just sucks women in.

It is a pendulum effect. Sometimes you will be on the side of bad momentum; sometimes you will have good momentum.

It happens to us all: normal people and pro-seducers. It happens to me; it happens to you.

Low momentum can be frustrating, and many start feeling like “this is it” and give up. Last week’s post was motivational. We gave you reasons for not getting carried away by negative momentum and why you should put yourself together, work harder, and get out of that bad spot. It’s the period of low momentum when you learn the most and grow as a seducer.

After reading this post, you’ll see why.

You need to break down your game, focus on fundamentals, reinforce them, and fix all underlying issues.

Then you will grow stronger.

Today’s post is a step-by-step guide on how to swing back into high momentum.

Acceptance of Reality Is Necessary for Success

Chase Amante's picture
reality successThe reality of dating, romance, and female nature doesn’t always match up with the ideas you held before. But if you can accept it, you can begin to craft the life you want.

The other day I wrote an article on female bad behavior generally being rooted in skittishness, rather than outright sociopathy. I didn't pass judgment on this behavior... I did not say whether it was good or bad, justifiable or not. I simply explained it.

The response from some of the readers was resentment. It is unconscionable that women could fear these things from them, and clearly a sign a woman is a bad person if she reacts in any kind of way toward the man that the man objects to.

Here's one such response from a reader named Xander:

Article says that women is rude, disrespectful, i.e. generally bad, it is because she is afraid, insecure etc. and not because she is bad person. BUT that is exactly what makes someone bad person. I am pretty sure that good persons including women would be more understanding and empathic in order to overcome these problems. You see, there is always that claim that women shouldn’t be objectified but that is how they behave, and this article supports them. They are completely passive, do nothing besides signaling with bad behavior when they don’t like something. You see how selfish this is. And these persons surpassingly shouldn’t be considered as bad. Unless she is seriously threatened by some guy, nothing gives her right to treat him bad especially because it is not his fault why she doesn’t like him not is his fault because she is insecure, afraid etc.. That is her personality and how she deals with it shows what kind of person is she.

You can see what Xander is doing here; he isn't arguing about the reality of the article's perspective. He's simply passing moral judgment on the majority of womankind. Women, Xander says, because they sometimes reject men, are for the most part bad people.

This "me good; others bad" thinking is a normal human way to consider things. However, it stands in the way of success in your endeavors -- if, that is, success is what you're after.