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Mindsets

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Socialized Preferences in Dating: How Much of Our Romantic Tastes Are Acquired?

Chase Amante's picture

By: Chase Amante

socialized preferencesWhy do you have the sexual, romantic preferences you do? Much of it is socialized. That is: you learn it from your experiences, your environment, and the media you consume.

We had a discussion on the forum about dating older women. In particular, "What's the oldest woman you've been with?"

The guys there had predictably varied tastes. Some guys are very into older women. Some are fine with much older women. But some aren't.

A point I raised was that it seems to me a preference for older women is likely socialized. i.e., this is a preference acquired by men, due to influences around them.

A lot of people aren't aware of just how many of their tastes are acquired tastes. They also often aren't aware of how they acquire them.

So from whence, pray tell, do your romantic likes originate?

Internal Consistency

Chase Amante's picture
internal consistencyA mental priority of men and women alike is to preserve internal consistency. Threats to that cause resistance – both in the women you want, and in you, yourself.

People do and say a lot of hypocritical things.

But what happens when you call someone out on an act of hypocrisy? Does he say, "Whoops, my bad! You caught me slipping"?

No, of course not. That almost never happens.

Instead, the usual reaction is what? Defensiveness and denial. Auto-rejection is also a common response.

Imagine you try to go home with a girl you met at a bar, and she tells you, "I don't just hook up with some guy I just met." But two hours later, you see her leaving the bar... with some other guy she met after she talked to you.

So you stop her and, feeling a little salty, say to her, "I thought you didn't go home with guys you just met?"

How will she react?

I think you can imagine how she will.

She'll either be:

  • Incensed: "What are you, my dad? Get away from me!"

  • Denying: "Actually we know each other" (might be a lie!)

  • Embarrassed: "Umm, I just need to go home now, sorry John" (you cockblocked the other guy)

At no point is she going to just say, "Ha, good point! You caught me in an act of inconsistency. Bully for you!" then just continue with what she was doing.

But internal consistency goes a lot deeper than this.

It reaches the way a man interacts with a woman he wants to pair with, or with another man he wants to form a connection with.

And it even reaches the heart of a man's very thoughts about himself, the way he conducts his life, and his ability (or inability) to do what he needs to do.

Unhelpful vs. Helpful Mindsets for Seduction

Chase Amante's picture

By: Chase Amante

unhelpful mindsets for seductionThe way you think about things can help you seduce more women, or it can hurt you. Recognizing whether a mindset helps or hurts is key to adopting healthier beliefs.

In seduction, there are mindsets that are helpful to a man's seductive efforts, and there are mindsets that are unhelpful to them.

Helpful mindsets can be cultivated and used. Unhelpful ones should be pruned.

Much of the time when we talk about mindsets, I focus on talking about unhelpful mindsets to prune. Why don't I talk about helpful mindsets more? Because often when you talk about helpful mindsets, men either cannot relate to them (because those specific mindsets do not resonate with them, personally) or even find them boastful (even if it isn't how you intend).

There's an interesting phenomenon though where one man's unhelpful mindset is another man's helpful one.

To get you thinking clearer about your own mentalities, I'd like to take you through an 'unhelpful vs. helpful' mindset review and give you a chance to figure out which each of your own thoughts is.

Looks-Money-Status: Are They the Key to Dating Success?

Alek Rolstad's picture

By: Alek Rolstad

looks money statusLots of guys sweat that looks, money, and status are near-prerequisites to access the best girls. Are they?

Hey guys. Welcome back!

Seduction Lessons from Real-Time Strategy Games, Pt 2.

Alek Rolstad's picture

By: Alek Rolstad

real-time strategy seductionIt’s easy to get a big head because you beat an RTS noob or picked up a DTF girl. Yet a truly good seducer (like a good RTS player) relies on strategy, counters, and skillful pacing.

Hey guys. Welcome back!

Last week my post described how playing RTS games inspired me and taught me lessons over time. Today I’m going to take you through the second and final part of this series.

This series might seem odd to some readers. Isn’t the idea of writing about Real-Time Strategy video games on Girls Chase borderline geeky? Sure.

However, we are talking about strategy games, and to me, pickup and seduction is a strategy game of sorts. As I mentioned last week, it also comes down to execution (the distinction between micro and macro from the gaming world).

Today I’ll continue to discuss what I’ve learned from playing RTS games and how they apply to seduction. Due to the pandemic, I’ve started playing again (what else is there to do?), and the more I play, the more I see how my overall mindset has been influenced by my time playing online.

Last week I broke down the overall ideas behind RTS games and how they apply to seduction, and today I will get deeper into the subject and show how strategic thinking from RTS can help you become a better seducer.

Selection Bias in the Women You Date

Chase Amante's picture

By: Chase Amante

selection bias in datingEach man forms his opinions on women from the women he meets. Yet not every man meets the same sorts of women — so selection bias shapes his opinions.

I've talked about this a bit here and there. But today I'd like to highlight it specifically (and clearly).

You (yes you, the reader) are suffering from selection bias in the women you date.

Your opinions about women form from a subsection of all women that is almost certainly not comprehensive.

Further, even if you've experienced a broad cross section of women over time, if your seductions of late have been limited to a smaller cross section of women (and any chunk of your seductions across any discrete chunk of time will likely have been), selection bias has crept in whether you realize it or not.

Selection bias is subtle but sometimes insidious. It can lead men to sweeping, inaccurate beliefs about women they don't realize are inaccurate at a broad scale.

Right now, I'd like to highlight how selection bias in dating works, to help you be aware, and allow you to shield yourself from the downsides of this mental glitch we all possess.

Seduction Lessons from Real-Time Strategy Games, Pt. 1

Alek Rolstad's picture
pretty girl playing videogamesReal time strategy game (RTS) and seduction have some surprising overlap. Success in both comes from strategy: both macro and micro.

Hey guys. Welcome back.

Today I will share an interesting but different article. I think it will be a fun read and quite useful.

I’ve always loved Real-Time Strategy (RTS) video games, like Age of Empires, Starcraft, and Warcraft III.

This article and its successor will focus on the lessons I’ve learned from playing those games. Plenty of lessons from RTS games apply to seduction. If you read through this article, you’ll see what I mean.

So, whether you’re an RTS nerd like me or not, you’ll find this a pleasant and insightful read.

Disclaimer: In no way am I advocating guys stack pizzas and sodas on their gaming desk and indulge in RTS games in their parents’ basements in the hope of becoming great seducers. That’s not how the seduction game works. Lack of socializing will negatively affect your success with women. You must still go out and meet people, especially women. There is no other way to get good at pickup and seduction.

In this post, I’ll share a parallel with RTS games that exemplifies the importance of field experience and actually doing it (playing in RTS games and meeting women in seduction).

Girl Hunting: Pickiness vs. Selectiveness

Chase Amante's picture

By: Chase Amante

girl standards pickyMany guys are ‘too picky’ with girls. They ignore good-looking and great girls. Then end up alone, or stuck with girls who are bad news. You must escape this trap.

Here's a couple of concepts I want to differentiate for newer (and maybe some not-so-newer) guys:

Those of pickiness vs. selectiveness.

If you've read my stuff on screening for both long-term commitment as well as for girls you'll hook up with in one-night stands, you know how much I harp on screening out girls who aren't a fit and/or will cause you problems.

I've cited science that shows men are a lot less discriminating about the women they start relationships with than women are men, and that men look for red flags a lot less.

In other words, men are a lot more likely to stumble into relationship quicksand.

However, there is a flip side to all this discrimination you want to employ as a dater, and that is this: if you are too picky about the wrong things, you can also stunt your growth as a seducer and make it nigh impossible to get enough experience to progress.

This is the double side of being discriminating: you must be discriminating enough, without being too much so.

You must be selective without being overly picky.

How to Work on Both Outer & Inner Game

Tony Depp's picture

By: Tony Depp

inner and outer gameIt is possible to work on your self-image and outlook while also improving your game technique.

I’ve been coaching clients for many years now. Everyone has nearly the exact same issues, just in different degrees.

The universal problem they all have is taking their boring conversations that get them friendzoned or ignored, and turning them into attraction.

That was the promise that hooked me. If I learned the magic routines then sexy women would just follow me home for wild, no-strings-attached sex.

While that’s happened plenty of times, the reality is much different. I had to face soul-crushing amounts of rejection to develop the most fundamental skills.

Just learning how to approach, talk to women and hold their attention took me almost two years of daily effort.

In Seduction (Like So Many Things), Seeing Is Believing

Chase Amante's picture

By: Chase Amante

seduction seeing is believingUntil you see something, you'll be hard-pressed to believe it. That includes some of the more incredible things you can pull off with seduction.

When I was a seduction neophyte, I had this idea in my head: "Quick pickups will work with loose, low value girls. But really super, scaldingly hot girls could never in a million billion years be picked up fast. Those girls know their value."

For a few years my experience bore that out. I neither picked up super hot girls super quick, or even all that often, nor did I encounter anyone who did.

We might call this a 'stable mental model'.

2.5 years into my seduction career, I made a friend who consistently slept with lots of hot girls, some of whom were very hot. Some of those girls he bedded quick... but all the quick ones there'd be some caveat or other with.

So with each of them I'd be able to tell myself, "He met that girl on MySpace, and MySpace girls are all kinda screwed up. So yeah, she's super hot, and she shagged him on a quick first date, but doesn't invalidate the rule," and my mental model remained (mostly) intact.

Then I went traveling with a mentor and watched him pick up an insanely beautiful girl exceptionally quick. A year later I was in this same mentor's town on business and here, too, I watched him pick up very, very good-looking girls at lightning speed and bed them (and I'd be along for the ride, winging him on the girl's friend, racing through pickups happening way faster than any I'd ever put together myself at that point).

That made me realize, "Wow, it actually is possible to pick up extremely hot girls extremely fast."

But I still had some reservations.

I thought, for instance, that a more reserved very hot girl, like the girlfriend I had at the time, wouldn't go for that sort of thing. I knew her, after all, and knew she wouldn't.

Then we broke up, and a few months later I read her journal, and discovered my gorgeous, high value ex-girlfriend, whom I thought was oh-so-judicious about her sexuality, let some banker she met outside a nightclub while on the rebound from me pork her up the butt.

It took me a few weeks to fully process how this girl, who had guys drooling over her wherever I took her, and always seemed like the absolute cream of the crop to me, would end up taking anal from some guy off the street she met on the rebound.

"My sweet princess, my one-time soul mate, lying on the floor of some dingy apartment in hippie-central Ocean Beach getting reamed by the meat shaft of a random she just met." That takes a moment to get your head around.

In the end, I arrived at a very different understanding of women than what I had going in, and this shift altered everything for me.

It was a great shift -- a breakthrough shift -- that allowed me to start doing the same thing I'd watched that mentor do, and the same thing that banker did to that former girlfriend of mine.

It allowed me to pick up very good-looking women, very quick.

A year later, it was friends and students of mine going out with me, watching me pick up extremely hot girls, extremely quick, and coming to me the next day saying, "I cannot believe you got that girl. And I cannot believe how fast you got her."

Then going on for a bit about how they did not believe a girl like that would even hook up with guys that fast.

Then, a bit later still, I ended up on a phone call with the ex-boyfriend of a girl I shagged (long story how I ended up talking to that guy), who could not believe how quickly this beautiful, intelligent, highly educated girl he'd wanted to marry had jumped at light speed into bed with a guy like me. I felt bad for the guy... he began the call with a long and drawn-out sigh that told me he felt in that moment exactly the way I'd felt reading my ex's journal a few years back.

What I'd seen done, I came to do. What I'd witnessed embodied, I came to embody.

I'd never have had that transformation just from someone telling me about it.

I had to see it. I had to experience it first.

So much in seduction (and life) is this way.