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Getting Past Hookup Detachment

Chase Amante's picture
hookup detachmentYou’re hooking up with girls but it just feels so… empty. What’s the source of this hollowness? Have you outgrown hookups? Are women just too shallow? Actually… it’s something ELSE.

Once you’ve put the work in to climb from unsuccessful with women to more and more successful, a funny thing can happen.

It begins as elation at your success: you’re doing it! You’re picking up girls! You’re having one-night stands!

You feel pride, because you’ve finally made it. You’re living the lifestyle you saw on TV or in the movies and imagined yourself living, but that always used to seem so out-of-reach.

Then you pick up another girl. Then another.

Something starts to bother you. It’s that… you just don’t feel a connection to any of these girls.

They’re just strangers you talk to, say/do the right things with, then have meaningless sex you don’t even enjoy all that much with. Then they leave. Maybe you could see them again after… but you don’t much want to.

You start to feel sour about the whole thing. Perhaps you’re picking up the wrong girls. Perhaps picking up in general is not really the right fit for you. In the back of your head you realized you were hoping for magical connections and memorable experiences, but you’re just not getting that, and you wonder if maybe it’s even possible to get with women… maybe it isn’t.

What you’re experiencing is something we might call ‘hookup detachment’: you’re hooking up, but you just don’t feel connected to any of these girls.

So what do you do?

Seduction's Luck Surface Area

Chase Amante's picture
seduction luck surface areaYour luck surface area is the amount you expose of yourself for “lucky events” to happen. Men who open themselves up to more seductive luck enjoy more seductive “lucky breaks.”

Luck plays a role in everything. In seduction, your passive attractiveness (fundamentals) and skill with women and the mating process (game) have a huge impact on your success.

Nevertheless, there is still always going to be luck involved: you have to stumble into a girl you like, she has to be at least somewhat open to having something happening with you, she must be logistically available to have something happen, and you need to avoid any seduction-killing wild cards (and if you’re fortunate, luck into some seduction-enhancing ones).

There are all manner of things that impact your “ability to be lucky”:

  • Perhaps your favorite venue just shut down for repairs (luck = lowered)

  • Perhaps a friend texts to invite you to a wild, girl-filled after party (luck = raised)

  • Perhaps your wingman’s out of town and you’re not good at solo (luck = lowered)

  • Perhaps you get off at the wrong metro station and discover this one crawls with good-looking women (luck = raised)

But you don’t really have control over random events like this… right?

As a matter of fact, there’s a neat concept known as “luck surface area” that you may or may not have heard of.

This concept is simple: one can increase one’s luck by increasing the ‘surface area’ one exposes for fortunate events to occur.

If that sounds abstract, worry not, for we’re going to make it a lot more concrete.

Deconstruction in Cinema: A Corrosive Poison Drip into Men's Heads

Chase Amante's picture
TEXTMore and more blockbusters feature “deconstruction” of established strong characters. This isn’t a good thing – it is harmful for viewers uncritically absorbing this nonsense.

I’ve recently found myself watching fewer and fewer recent movies.

We discussed it on the forum a while back. I mentioned in that thread that:

The way I think of it is most modern movies are being made for someone other than me.

I don't know exactly whom their target audience is, but it's definitely not a guy like me.

Many modern film themes are increasingly puerile. Their cultural revolutionary elements are stifling, jammed into every other scene and made as blatant and jarring as possible, seemingly deliberately aimed at breaking immersion.

On top of that, they all just feel hollow.

When I watch most modern movies, I come out of it feeling like I’ve spent two hours in a brainwashing chamber, and the only way to get un-brainwashed is to watch an old movie. Then a few days later I watch an old movie and it’s a breath of fresh air… the world makes sense again, all is as it should be, and everything returns to normal.

It isn’t every single modern movie that has this “brainwashed” effect I’ve found – it’s just a lot of them.

What, then, is the difference, between modern “brainwash” movies and non-brainwash modern movies plus older cinema?

Recently I began to really dig into the thematic differences between modern vs. older cinema, and it’s become increasingly clear what modern films are doing that, in my view, is just straight up poisonous to the healthy male’s psychology.

I’ve talked to you before about how the media influences thoughts and feelings. I’ve advised you to turn off the screens and limit the amount of time you spend on them.

Today I want to show you just what is going on beneath the surface in some of these “harmless” popcorn movies you are absorbing into your skull.

To Get Girls, You Have to Really Like Them

Chase Amante's picture
woman riding on man's backMen who don’t do well with women think worse of women. And men who think worse of women do worse with women. How do you escape this cycle and get results? By learning to really LIKE women.

Over the years, I’ve seen a lot of guys struggling with bitterness and alienation toward women trying to cold approach, only to fail.

This failure confirms and deepens their bitterness and alienation toward women. It’s sad.

As a Man, You've Got to Know What You're About

Chase Amante's picture
man looking at own reflection in glassPeople will judge you by generic metrics unless you show them what you’re about. A man who knows that about himself becomes attractive, respected, and admired.

On one of my articles, long-time reader Sub-Zero asked once more about his age-old preoccupation with old age, talking about his being a late bloomer and saying:

What would you say is a good reason a man can tell women why he is single, childless, and unmarried as an older man? I believe you said it wasn’t a good look before and I hear it all the time it looks weird, I heard women really dislike it too and say it’s a red flag. But if you’re not really interested in it or have the funds, I think it’s wise to not have those things just for society’s approval, especially if you can’t afford it. Is there anything you can say at all to make it not look bad?

SZ has been asking questions about variations of this topic for almost seven years now. Many things change in life, but if there's one guy you can count on to be consistent, it is Sub-Zero. If there is still a Girls Chase 20 years from now, I reckon you will still find Sub-Zero here, asking questions about growing older and being a late bloomer.

What I want to address here is this idea of "How do you explain yourself if you're outside the norm?"

Because that is a skill almost every man really should have... and it comes down to not "what things do you have", not even "what deeds have you accomplished", but instead rather "what are you all about."

Pickup Problems Faced by Intermediate Seducers

Alek Rolstad's picture
pickup problemsIntermediate-level playboys have problems too. Their problems picking up women are different from beginners. They get some success now… but now come the plateaus, inconsistency, and ego.

Hey guys, welcome back.

Today I want to address a rarely discussed subject: issues intermediate and advanced players face with their learning curves. We often talk about difficulties beginners face, such as approach and escalation anxiety, lack of motivation and confidence, and even becoming depressed.

I know coaches who specialize in helping beginners. They spend time motivating them and playing the role of a therapist so beginners deal with whatever issue they may face while teaching them the basic skillset.

Many products are also geared toward beginners. They give a basic understanding of social dynamics and teach them the fundamentals of pickup and seduction.

Fewer products or coaching programs are dedicated to intermediate practitioners and even fewer to advanced guys. I will get to why that is.

I am careful about calling a top-tier advanced guy a student since they might hire me as a consultant to get an external perspective or learn about something I specialize in to master a new area.

Take a moment to jot down some challenges these two groups of students face. Then I will share a few words on dealing with these issues.

Why Do Guys Screw Up When the Girl Is Really Hot?

Chase Amante's picture
hot girl screwupsHow come when a girl is really hot, you mess up more, even if you don’t with more average girls? There’s a reason for it – and it happens to almost every guy, too.

I recently received an email from a long-time acquaintance who'd left England to begin traveling through Central and South America and get back to picking up girls again while also working as a yoga instructor.

He'd continued sleeping with average girls from dating apps over the lockdowns, then once his trip started, he bedded a few more average girls from hostels. Assuming all was good with his game, and he must be rust-free, he then proceeded to meet an extremely beautiful Argentinian girl... and it all fell apart.

He says:

I met physically my perfect girl who was working on the tour desks. She’s Argentinian and I’m really into Latin girls.  I suggested she joined me for dinner and it went really well. I deep dived alot and after dinner moved her to a quiet sofa outside by the pool.  She was a little bit tipsy by now from all the Argentinian wine at dinner, and was sitting super close to me.  She also told me what an amazing evening she’d had and hugged me twice for a long time.  It was the obvious escalation window, only I didn’t do anything!

My reasoning was that I’m new here and don’t want to seem like I was taking advantage of her when she was drunk.  I figured I had loads of other opportunities.  It was also late and I had to teach yoga in the morning. So we hugged and went our separate ways. 

That was a big mistake!  She text me the next morning saying how good a night she had. Now all I was thinking about is ‘this is going to be the hottest girl I’ve slept with, when can I get her alone again!’  So I went into full on chasing mode, suggesting she came with me on my weekend trip and suggesting a load of other potential dates. Plus inviting her to come and stay with me in London!

By time we had dinner it was the next week and by then her long distance boyfriend was unexpectedly coming to see her for a day later in the week.  She’d also been offered a job in Tulum and was leaving at the weekend.  This made me think ‘this is my last chance, need to impress her’ so I was way too high energy. Got her back to my room to drink wine on the balcony, but waited way too long to do anything, plus hadn’t been touching her or leading the conversation towards sex.

Also I’d been doing way too much deep diving that it had become an interview.  She was tired so I knew it was my last chance, so tried to kiss her with no setup.  She said she just wanted to keep things as they are as we get on really well and I said nothing to persuade her otherwise!  I just waited a while and tried to escalate a couple more times, which again was chasing and unsuccessful.

I spoke to her a few times around the hostel in the week afterwards, but just casual friendly stuff. Turns out I’ll be in Tulum next weekend, she said let her know, but feel like it would be hard to arrange to see her without it seeming like I’m chasing.  I was so mad with myself the next day! The escalation window had been wide open with a super hot girl, and I decided to walk away! But at least it lead to me re-reading a lot of your stuff!

Now, it wasn't like his game just completely disappeared. Because the very next day this happened:

The next day I had another tinder date with a Mexican girl who didn’t speak English.  As I really didn’t care about her of course my game was great and quickly slept with her and had a great night!

He wraps up by asking:

Would you say there should be no difference between game with 10’s than average tinder date girls? If you haven’t written an article on this I think it’s an interesting topic. And how would you play seeing the Argentinian girl again?

I've written about that in places, in snippets, but I don't think I've ever devoted a complete article to the subject.

So, let's do that now. Let's talk about why guys screw up with really hot girls... and whether you can (and should) approach them exactly the same as more ordinary, average, or cute girls.

Seducing Women to Sex vs. Guarding Daughters from Sex

Chase Amante's picture
lovers vs. daughtersHow can a seducer view sleeping with women as morally correct… while knowing he likely wouldn’t want his daughter to sleep around? A deep dive into sexual morality.

On Alek's recent piece showcasing three new sex talk gambits, a reader posted the following provocative comment:

Hello Alek.

I've noticed something about Girls Chase and the seduction community at large.

There seems to be a lot of cognitive bias and intellectual dishonesty in this space Re: "Sluts".

See, in this space we teach that women are human beings just like men and should therefore be free to engage in sex freely w/o judgement.

Additionally, the concept of "high body count" is a non issue to us "lovers" unless seeking an LTR.

However, the facts show that "most" women are NOT in fact built for casual sex. Most high n count women either have personality disorders, histories of child abuse, poor impulse control or high sex drives.

For the most part women barter sex for relationships and constant hookups for the average chick without committment damages her psyche. That's why FWB chicks sometimes get jaded and tired of empty sex.

Here's a thought, if women like sex so much, why cant they hold down an FWB arrangemnt in perpetuity like men would prefer?

Chase has also countered the argument that older seducers do not corrupt younger girls by fucking them young 18/19yo) because women have agency and can think for themselves.

Yet we also go on to say that women are cute little smurfs who need guidance and direction. They aren't the best decision makers particularly when young.

In short all these axioms we have here seem to be rationalisations for "lovers" to be able to fuck girls without suffering from guilt.

And one way I can prove this is to request an article titled "A Letter to my 18yo Daughter" or sth along these lines giving her advice on how to manouver sexual relations as she goes off to start her first year in college.

Would you still tell your daughter that its okay to fuck a smooth talking guy on the first date if she feels the vibe?

Would you still tell her that body count is a social construct used by prudes and puritans? One nightstands are perfectly okay.

Would you still allow her to be fucked by older dudes (30s) while in her first year of college because older man + younger chick is a completely normal thing to do?

I find it hard hard to fully embody the lover archetype because it frequently clashes with the patriach archetype inside me who thinks he might have a daughter one day.

And I understand that this site does not give womens advice because it is a mens site for MEN but in this case saying that might be an easy cop out from addressing the disingenious nature of the things we teach here Re: Women and Sex

Is it possible to be a lover and a patriach without experiencing cognitive dissonance?

Trillion Dollar Question.

I love this question, and I'd love to answer it... so, while it may be addressed to Alek, I'd like to weigh in with my thoughts on it too.

Sexual Disgust: How Do You Get Past It (and Should You)?

Chase Amante's picture
sexual disgustSexual disgust can hold back your progress with women or wreak havoc in your relationships. Yet how do you overcome it… and SHOULD you?

A week back, on an article where I discuss a girlfriend who'd been with three men before (two boyfriends + a guy she hoped would be a boyfriend but who turned out to already have a girlfriend, unbeknownst to her), a reader commented:

Chase, I've worked hard for not feeling insecure about the girl's past. What i still do feel though, is disgust. With no intentions of insulting your girlfriend, if i had a girl like that with a past like that I'd feel utter disgust. While that girl may be considered a unicorn in ur country, i feel utter disgust. any tips on overcoming this disgust and being too damning on women??

What he's talking about is sexual disgust.

Sexual disgust is a natural - though not absolutely ubiquitous - phenomenon that occurs among both women and men. You'll see it the most by far with sexually inexperienced individuals; the more sexually experienced someone gets, the less sexual disgust is an issue for him. We'll discuss more on this below.

I want to discuss it with some sensitivity in this article, as any time the topic comes up it tends to provoke polarized responses from all sides. People low in sexual disgust regard as Puritanical those with higher sexual disgust; those high in sexual disgust view as degenerate those with lower sexual disgust.

Instead, in this piece, we'll aim for practicality:

  • What is sexual disgust?
  • Why do people have it?
  • How do you overcome it?
  • Should you overcome it... and if so to what degree?

All, I think, are worthwhile explorations. Let's have a look at each.

How a Man Meets Women Radically Shapes His View of Them

Chase Amante's picture
man's view of womenMen hold quite various views on women. Why do men’s views diverge so sharply? Much comes down to how they meet, with different avenues leading to differing views.

We just had another conversation on the forum where a guy who does 'sugar dating' (i.e., a type of prostitution previously known as 'girlfriend experience' or GFE) argued the same line I've heard a hundred times from men who frequent prostitutes of all stripes:

You pay for it one way or another, whether the meals you buy her on a date or the house you buy her once she's your wife. At least with prostitution the whole thing's [benefits of prostitution].

This isn't an article about whether you should or shouldn't do prostitution. I've already written that article.

Instead, I want to cover some of the more common ways men meet women, and how the way they meet women colors the interactions they have with them and shapes the way they think about them.