Female Mind

You might worry what she'll think of your clothes, hair, mood, or your place. But she doesn't always care about this stuff as much as you think.

There are many things men often think women care about... that they really, absolutely do NOT.

It's one of the biggest mental blocks that holds men back with women. Guy worries about something women don't care about, and proceeds to not try. "I'm too X; she won't want me. So I won't try." "I'm not Y enough; she won't want me. So I won't try." Meanwhile the reality is she doesn't care about X or Y, or not to the extent you think she does.

I have a friend who was prolific with women years back and took some time off from proper dating. He's now getting back into the swing of meeting new girls. The other day he had a sexy girl eye him up hard... another guy was hitting on her friend, and this girl wanted my buddy. But he had a few reasons to not go for her: he had to finish some work he had a deadline for, and also... his place was too dingy and dirty. He'll switch to a newer, nicer apartment in a few days and prefers to wait to pick up until then.

The work thing is understandable. But the apartment thing stuck out at me.

Because women (most women) do not care about a dingy apartment when they are into you enough.

I have slept with plenty of women in small, crummy apartments or hotel rooms.

I have shagged women in friends' filthy, crumb-filled, stained sheets that hadn't been changed in months.

I have shagged women on the dirt outside, shagged them on rocks, have gone raw on countless women I just met (most objections I've gotten to that have come during or after, rather than before). I have shagged women after not having showered for a week. I have shagged women when I had body odor they complained about (but not enough to stop the sex. Also, just for the record, my body odor is usually not bad. Not sure why it occasionally is. Diet? Stress? Who knows?). This is all stuff about which a whole lot of guys would say "Oh no, I couldn't possibly have sex with her now, because X!"

Women will tell you they care about all this stuff. But mating itself is a dirty act, and once a woman decides she wants you, dirty stuff she'd have told you would be a deal breaker other times largely stops mattering.

I grew up compulsively clean, too. It took me time to get over that, and to realize all but the most germophobic women do not care about it, when they want you. I get a kick out of dirty lays today. It's a bit of a thrill to be some girl's dirty man. Many guys these days are too tidy to be that for her. (that said, I do usually try to keep things clean. If only for my own peace of mind)

However, this article isn't just about being a dirty lover. It's about ALL the stuff guys use to talk themselves out of taking action... yet that girls don't actually care about.

There is a lot more stuff guys think women care about that they don't than dirty apartments, sheets, showers, or smells.

We know how getting a girl to invest in you makes it easier to get her to do what you want. But can investment also overcome a lack of social frame?

Hey, guys! Welcome back to our final article on social frame (although I may write more about it in the future if something new comes up).

Social frame is a conceptual bundle covering the social part of seduction and whether she feels it's socially okay for her to hook up with you. It considers whether you are the type of guy she usually hooks up with and whether you match with her on a level that is socially acceptable to hook up with.

Our goal with establishing a social frame is to make her feel allowed to hook up with you.

Escalation and other forms of stimulation are about making her feel a desire to hook up with us. But if she does not feel allowed to hook up with us, she may pull the plug and control her state. We have labeled this “female state control” (FSC). If you want to find out more, read my previous posts on the subject.

(This is all closely related to Chase's post on floors and ceilings; the concept is VERY relatable to social frame and female state control.)

Having a proper social frame makes her feel allowed to hook up with you, reducing the chance of her controlling her state. Or at least it buffers the FSC mechanism.

Previously we discussed three dimensions of social frame:

• Social value
• Social dynamics
• Rapport

Today we will discuss the fourth dimension: investment. This is nothing new to the more advanced seducer, but its connection to social frame and FSC is what may be new to them. So read this. Beginners may learn the fundamentals or at least receive links to great in-depth posts.

The more acceptable a match a woman thinks you are for her, the better your odds with her are. Here's what you must do for her to mark you 'acceptable'.

Since I started this website, we've always stressed the importance of fundamentals. Fundamentals range from your posture, facial expressions, and voice, to how you walk and move, your hairstyle, your facial hair, your clothes, your fitness, and physique. Also included: social fundamentals like sprezzatura, and how well you stick to the Law of Least Effort. All are great, and you will do better with women the better you get on each. But why are they important?

Fundamentals help so much because they make you more attractive. Get your fundamentals good enough, and you can even overcome your disadvantages. Girl doesn't usually like men of your height, weight, race, job type? Get your fundamentals good enough, and it becomes "Wow, you're not like the other [whatever you are]!" Why would this be, though? How do fundamentals overcome deep-seated biases in partner choice?

The way fundamentals do this is by raising either (or both of) your social acceptability or your sexual acceptability. Acceptability is a topic Alek's been discussing in his "Female State Control" series, under the name of 'social frame'. I want to unpack this concept more here, and look at a few of the different ways 'acceptability' can go. Because not all sorts of acceptability are created equal.

The best way to deal with Female State Control (FSC) is to avoid it. Let’s talk about how combining rapport and fractionation creates a weapon of mass seduction.

Welcome back. The last few weeks, we've been exploring Female State Control (FSC). Let’s continue discussing the aspect of social frame, since it's closely tied with FSC. We want to give you all the ins and outs of the latest theories and tech. That’s why we're dedicating many posts to social frame.

Social frame is a key component to avoiding FSC, which is when women control their state whenever they get stimulated by a guy without feeling allowed to do so for some reason or another. If you want more info on this, check out my previous posts on this subject.

Today we will discuss how rapport affects social frame.

We will also discuss how to build rapport the right way, since rapport can be a double-edged sword (we will tap into why this is). You’ll learn how to avoid the pitfalls while keeping all the benefits.

But before we get into that, we need to ask ourselves an important question.

Before having sex, a woman needs to feel she’s not putting her ego at risk. Here’s what you need to know to manage her self-esteem before and after the act.

Welcome back to the female self-esteem series! I hope these articles have shown you how important it is to keep women’s self-esteem high, as well as your own.

Nobody wants to screw or be involved with someone with low self-esteem; except for some abusive relationships which can be addictive in their own right. Most women want to be with men who make them feel good about themselves, and all women want to feel sexually validated and have more ravishing sex than all their friends.

In Part 1, we shared stories about how two different girls auto-rejected during the escalation process because they felt low self-esteem.

In Part 2, I shared how self-esteem matters when you’re on a date with a girl, and described ways to amp up her self-esteem to close the deal.

In Part 3, we covered self-esteem issues in the bedroom and how they affect women’s feelings for you.

Now, in the final installment, let’s talk about calibrating self-esteem to keep it high, and what to do if you mess up and lower her self-esteem.

Your social frame is possibly the most important thing when battling Female State Control. This means projecting the right social frame in the right context.

Welcome back. Previously, we have discussed female state control (FSC), described what it is, and presented some solutions. FSC is when a woman backs off (despite liking you) so she doesn’t “lose herself” and get “carried away by you” before she knows for sure you are a good guy for her to get with.

Women are selective, and they know that being aroused or mentally stimulated by a guy is not enough of an indicator of a suitable mate. Yet they tend to get carried away. So whenever women feel like they are losing control, they back off to make a more “rational” assessment of you.

A simple way to put it is this: have you ever gotten a girl aroused and could tell she was into you, yet she backed off saying you are not her type?

Well, that is not an uncommon scenario. This is female state control. She likes you; she is turned out by you, but either:

• You don’t fit her social standards
• You do not fit into the usual categories of guys she likes
• She doesn’t feel comfortable exploring further

What we are dealing with is a lack of what Gunwitch calls “social frame.” And a lack of social frame can force women to control their state whenever they feel emotionally stimulated by you.

So, arousal + social frame = a high chance of pulling (if logistics allow). On the other hand, arousal with a lack of social frame means she will get aroused but control her state.

In other words, having a lack of social frame makes her control herself, and creating a good social frame minimizes your chances of dealing with FSC. In the next three weeks, we will discuss the three aspects of creating social frame that we touched upon last week, but we'll get into greater detail.

These aspects are:

• Social value and social dynamics
• Rapport and connection
• Investment

If you're unfamiliar with any of those terms, click on them to learn more.

Today, let’s take a look at the first aspect: social status, value, and overall social dynamics.

But before we get into that, here’s a quick recap of what social frame is as it relates to FSC.

To avoid triggering Female State Control in the women you seek to bang, it helps to focus on particular concepts, such as social frame, investment, and comfort.

Welcome back. I promised to share my latest insights on female state control (FSC). We've been discussing this new concept over the last few weeks, so here are the previous articles if you haven't had a chance to read them:

1. Female State Control (FSC): Theoretical Causes and Effects
2. Female State Control (FSC): Preemptive Measures

Quick recap: FSC is a defense mechanism that auto-regulates a woman’s state whenever she feels that her emotions are getting out of control. A woman may be stimulated by a guy too much, too fast. Despite enjoying the strong emotions this man elicits, it can become too much for her, causing her to slow things down or outright eject.

Here are three reasons a woman needs to regulate her state:

1. To protect herself: she wants time to assess and know that a guy is safe to hook up with. She needs to regulate her state so she can make a sober judgment of him.

2. To feel in control of the situation and not feel helpless: knowing that she is in control creates comfort

3. To maintain her social/sexual power: by putting out too much, a woman gives away social power, which she could otherwise use to create social bonds and acquire providers

A woman controls her state in these ways:

• Putting herself away from you: she will leave to go dance, go to the bathroom, and so on
• Turn cold (out of the blue)
• Have her friends drag her state down (cockblock you or cockblock her)
• De-escalate the interaction

FSC can be misinterpreted as anti-slut defense (ASD), which shares similar symptoms.

In my previous post, we discussed solutions on how to avoid FSC by:

• Slowing things down
• Focus on frames rather than buyer’s temperature

Today we will go further by looking at what we can do to bypass it.