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Anti-Slut Defense: Why Women Want Sex but Act Like They Don’t

Alek Rolstad's picture

anti-slut defense
For a woman, being promiscuous can be socially devastating, so she employs “anti-slut defense” to maintain a perception of purity, even if she wants to have sex with you.

Hi, guys. Today we will discuss theories of anti-slut defense – a key subject in pickup and seduction.

We’ve discussed anti-slut defense on multiple occasions – covering both what it is, what it looks like, and more importantly, how to deal with it. In this post, we will get theoretical. I will get more detailed into what it is, and especially – where it comes from.

Before we get into that, let’s explain what it is to our new readers. Hopefully it may serve as a recap to those who are more experienced.

Female Attachment Profiles: Secure, Avoidant, and More

Chase Amante's picture
female attachment styles
A woman's attachment style determines whether she is clingy, or distant, or prone to upset at the most trivial thing. Know her style, and you know what to expect.

Early in life, the way someone's parents raise her shapes the way her brain deals with her relationships with other people.

If her parents are loving and supportive, and around enough, and not abusive or neglectful, she'll form a secure attachment style.

Secure attachment is the healthiest form of attachment: it's the ability to form real bonds with other people, free from either neediness or (on the other hand) an urge to 'get away'.

However, not all parents are loving and supportive, or present enough; some are neglectful, or even abusive. Some parents have attachment disorders themselves and simply aren't good at parenting. And when a child grows up with parents like this, she learns different lessons about close relationships, and her brain wires itself to respond differently to closeness.

Depending on her upbringing, she may learn to cling to others for dear life. She may flee closeness, and try to keep space in her relationships. She may have chaotic emotions toward closeness and vacillate between wanting it and pushing it away.

Once you know attachment styles, you can better grasp the women you bring into your life... and better grasp yourself.

How a Woman’s Age Affects Her Dating Strategy

Varoon Rajah's picture

By: Varoon Rajah

women's priorities age and dating
Women’s priorities change as they get older, in life and dating. This guide will help you understand these shifts and how to tailor your seduction strategy with them.

With so many women to choose from in the world, it helps to understand what kind of girl a guy should go for – especially when it comes to her age. A girl’s age has big implications on the dating experience: who she’s looking for, where she is in life, and what you can expect from her in regards to dating and sex.

Men and women mature quite differently when it comes to their character and human role. Men “age” and grow more attractive as they grow older, provided that they take very good care of themselves.

Guys should always aim to have their life handled as they grow older; the social perception of older men stems from guys who “resign” by not keeping fit, having healthy goals, and continuing to be dominant and masculine.

But the guy who takes good care of himself, has his finances handled, maintains a good focus and career, is dominant, and gains experience with women through his life can indeed become very deadly as he ages.

On the other hand, women tend to have a different cycle: maturing faster and earlier than men, but also moving through several phases of life quickly depending on their biological and reproductive “needs.”

The mating and reproductive instincts are big, as is a woman’s desire for having lovers, providers, and friends in her life. As such, her needs change throughout life depending on her hormonal and reproductive drive as well as lifetime goals – anything from sowing her wild oats, to getting married, to having children.

Now, keep in mind that these descriptions are general (accurate for most, with exceptions) but also based on my observations and those of others around me. We can see trends in how age influences where a woman is biologically and mentally; therefore, as men, we can build our game around the kinds of women we want in our lives.

Girls Who Want to Sleep with You Usually Know It Right Away

Chase Amante's picture
girls know right away
When you walk up, and she looks up at you, she knows if she could go to bed with you later. What comes after is simply leading her there, and making her feel allowed to go.

There are two schools of thought when it comes to sex.

One school of thought is what you might call the 'normal guy school'. In this school, a woman will not go to bed with you until you have 'gotten her ready'. The ways a normal guy tries to make a woman want him / tries to 'get her ready' include:

  • Spending time with her
  • Connecting enough with her
  • Making her laugh
  • Showing her whom he is
  • Displaying valuable things about himself
  • Communicating to her she 'qualifies' for him

Once she has seen enough of the guy's good qualities, goes this school of thought, she will then open up to the idea of sex.

The other school of thought though is what we might call the 'lover school'. In this school, if a woman is going to go to bed with you, she knows it the moment you approach. You still will end up doing things like:

  • Spending time with her
  • Connecting enough with her
  • Making her laugh
  • Showing her whom you are
  • Displaying valuable things about yourself
  • Communicating to her she 'qualifies' for you

However, these actions serve the purpose of moving things along and getting her comfortable enough to let her guard down with you. They are not to 'make her want you'... not really.

Because she already wanted you. You're just trying to help her feel like it's okay to give into what she wants.

Although the actions are superficially the same, the intentions behind these actions are dramatically different between these two men. These intentions drive differences in how the man carries out these actions, how much of them he feels he needs, and how fast with women he thinks he can move.

The more you think like the men in the second school of thought (the lover school), the more natural, easy, and fluid you will find getting together with new women becomes.

How Self-Esteem Issues Make Women Back Out of Sex

Varoon Rajah's picture

self-esteem and sex
Women get self-conscious about their bodies and pussies, which is why you need to make her feel comfortable, or her insecurities can force her out of the situation.

We are in Part 3 of our exploration of sex and female self-esteem.

In Part 1, I described two examples of the seduction falling apart in the last moments of courtship – right as sex was about to happen and the girl was excited and expecting it.

In Part 2, we discussed different ways that self-esteem issues can pop up before a guy invites a girl home.

Now in Part 3, we’ll look closely at what happens in the bedroom – the most vulnerable moment for a woman’s self-esteem.

A guy should be aware of a girl’s self-esteem throughout any scenario with her – especially in the bedroom. In a dating situation, the self-esteem issue is more convoluted because it’s easy to misunderstand the difference between your game versus the girl’s self-esteem, and it's hard to know when and how to make moves.

Sometimes your best intentions to influence a girl’s self-esteem positively can backfire and send the opposite message, making her self-esteem drop in response.

How Moving Too Slow Can Make a Girl Auto-Reject

Varoon Rajah's picture

moving too slow auto-rejection
I had such a great date, but now she won’t meet up again! WTF? Sometimes if you move too slowly, it’ll negatively affect her self-esteem and cause her to auto-reject.

Welcome back to our study on women, sex, and self-esteem! In Part 1, I gave two examples of encounters with girls I liked, and who liked me back. We both wanted sex to happen, but both dates fell apart because the girl’s self-esteem dropped because of something I did – or didn't do.

A girl’s feeling of self-esteem with a guy has a huge effect on how the encounter transpires. Self-esteem drops can kill courtships long before they’ve “rightfully” concluded. The metric most influenced by self-esteem is your attainability with a girl.

To start off, let’s recap this excellent story from Tomas in one of my articles. It’s a great example of self-esteem on the date.

“I met a woman. She was not very attractive but still decent looking and nice. I had only one hour of time for her. We were walking in the park, sitting, talking, etc. She felt embarrassed to look into my eyes but the talk was good.

Actually, I wasn’t turned on, but I still liked her. I took her hand and kissed her. She reciprocated passionately and almost threw herself into my arms. We talked and kissed more. Then, the hour was over. She extended an offer to visit her at her place next time and explained to me where she lived.

She texted me first, some two hours after the date, very kindly.

The next morning, she apologized in a text that she hadn’t felt the right spark with me and preferred not to meet again.

Varoon – I am an advanced seducer, and stories like this do happen. What’s the common reason for this incongruent behavior? Was there really no spark for her? Or there was, but perhaps she felt she made herself too easy for me? Or was she afraid I‘d leave her after sex? What do you think?”

Tomas’ story is one of the classic cases that I often see here – a girl who’s very interested in a guy at the meet and when going on a date but then automatically ejects herself.

Can you guess the fault? It’s simple, really – Tomas moved too slow, which caused the girl to eject because she didn’t feel she was good enough for him. As in my story of Violet from Part 1, the moment I stopped matching her attraction for me and speed for courtship, it fell apart because it left her feeling that I was unattainable and didn’t want her enough.

Every single girl wants to experience good feelings and avoid bad feelings. Unless she’s a girl who enjoys pain (which is usually a result of her history with emotional or mental abuse), no girl wants to feel bad or raw about dating a guy. That can take many different forms, as we’ll see. It’s possible to hurt her self-esteem by being unattractive, needy, and insecure, as much as it is to be too good for her and to move too slowly toward a passionate embrace.

Don't Date Women on Pills or with Issues

Chase Amante's picture

By: Chase Amante

don't date girls on pills
25% of modern women are on pills of some sort. If you have any choice at all with women, though, you should not be dating these girls on pills.

In the 2019 psychological horror movie Midsommar, a girl with psychological problems accompanies her boyfriend and his pals to a weird cult festival in Sweden. The movie itself is bizarre. And it's pure fiction (and rather extremely so. The director dreamed up a death cult more depraved than the ancient Aztecs or Assyrians... and placed it in modern hippie Sweden).

However, there is one moral present in the movie I think is worth a highlight: don't date women on pills. Or women with severe psychological issues, for that matter.

In the same year that movie premiered, 2019, 23.70% of Americans were on a psychiatric drug. That includes things like:

  • Antidepressants (13.40% of the population)
  • Antipsychotics (3.53% of the population)
  • Mood stabilizers (7.40% of the population)

... and a host of other assorted brain-altering cocktails.

These pills have all kinds of effects on the brains of those who use them.

The numbers are slightly higher for older adults. But not much. 18-44 year olds make up 36.5% of the American population, and 33.8% of the American pill-using population.

The sex differences are stark. Women are 67% more likely to use psychiatric drugs than men are. If you go out enough, and meet enough women, you are going to meet a lot of women on pills.

What should you do with these women?

Should you treat them as normal?

Or should you treat them the same way their psychologist does -- as people who have something wrong with them -- and stay away?

Each Woman Has Different Tastes

Chase Amante's picture

women different tastes in men

Some men like A-cups, and some men like B.

Some men like C-cups, or F-cups, or D.

Some like their women as sharp as a hawk,

But some prefer girls who are dumber than rock.

And men all see beauty in each kind of face,

'Cause each man has different taste.

If you talk to your buddies, you'll see no one agrees.

Some girls you rate 8s, they think only are 3s.

How a Woman’s Self-Esteem Issues Can Make Her Bail Out of a Courtship

Varoon Rajah's picture

woman's self esteem in dating
You could have a woman seduced and ready to have sex. You two could even be naked in bed. But certain self-esteem issues can still make her bail if you’re not careful.

A woman’s self-esteem is one of her greatest assets – and it’s perhaps THE most important emotional state to keep in mind when pursuing a woman. It is self-esteem that is the root cause behind the notion of auto-rejection, the notion of reputation management, and even the role of backward-rationalization in the dating process.

“Do you really find me attractive?”

“What if the sex is bad?”

Quite simply, self-esteem plays in to how much a girl likes you based on how much validation you provide when you’re with her. And since almost no woman wants to feel bad about herself, the better you can make a woman feel, the more she’ll start to see you as a guy who makes her feel good about herself.

My purpose in this article series is to make you aware of different ways your seductions can go wrong – at any stage – if you’re not careful to manage a woman’s self-esteem. How a woman feels about herself with you determines how she feels about being with you and having sex with you.

And just to note before we get started, this is different from teasing and playful banter, which can be good to spark attraction and create sexual tension. What we’re talking about in this article series is how some things you do or say can make her bail on a date (or even from your bed) because she doesn’t want to risk damage to her self-esteem.

Girls Who Chase Aggressively vs. Girls Who Do Not

Chase Amante's picture
girls chase
Girls chase men differently. Some chase in aggressive ways: they'll ask you out and touch you lots. Yet others are far more demure in how they chase.

On the spectrum of "how hard do girls chase?" we have a few distinct female profiles.

There are:

  1. Girls who are chasers
  2. Girls who are forward
  3. Girls who are dabblers
  4. Girls who are demure

Each of these types is a different type of woman. She expresses interest in and pursues men differently. Her behavior is often not so much determined by her interest level in you (though that's important) as it is her 'chase profile'.

A chaser who is very into you will chase hard in obvious ways. However, a demure girl who is very into you will only give you subtle indications of her pursuit, despite those pangs for you deep in her heart (and loins).

If you're only looking for chaser girls, you will miss out on most of the women who are into you, because most girls aren't chasers. Most will not chase in blatant, aggressive ways -- even if they're into you to the extreme.

Instead, you must recognize chase behavior from each of the four different types of girls.

Then, when you see it, pounce on it.