Tactics Tuesdays: Pick Up and Emotional Validation | Girls Chase

Tactics Tuesdays: Pick Up and Emotional Validation

emotional validationA reader writes in, on the topic of emotional validation:

Hey there, been reading the site lately and I've noticed that one thing I haven't seen so far is a post about validation. Maybe you call it something different but I was talking to a female friend of mine and she brought something up that seemed similar to it.

I was telling her about how I and my pops were watching a Laker game and my mom kept bringing up how "she needs to get her work done." It was starting to irritate me because she would say it and then leave it up in the air.

After a while I barked back "well go do it then." I knew instinctively that wasn't the best thing to say but I really wanted her to quit with the empty statements lol!

So, after the game ended I talked to her about it and she was telling me how I could have said "I know you gotta get your work done but how about you relax with us and watch the game and then go start on the work afterwards?"

Now as soon as I heard her say that I immediately thought validation. I'm validating that thought or feeling by giving that response. While my response of "go do it" sounds like I'm rejecting her.

So I was wondering if you all could drop a post on validation. Once I realized this whole idea of validating a woman it gave me that "aha" moment, really started to put a lot of my failed interactions into a new light, you know? It also helped me to understand the whole chase framing, push-pull, etc. concepts because by validating her all of that stuff is much easier to pull off. Because she knows that you’re setting a frame but your pulling her along with you. Instead of making it seem like its her frame against yours like many other PUA’s seem to advocate.

Our reader raises a good point here.

Validation is something I tend not to focus on much personally - it's something that fast becomes irrelevant when you're following the rule of thumb of always escalate and keep moving fast. But it's a real phenomenon, and it will affect your interactions with women - though, if you're doing things right, it should prove more a curiosity than a major distraction.

Here's what I mean.

Chase AmanteAbout the Author: Chase Amante

Chase woke up one day in 2004 tired of being alone. So, he set to work and read every book he could find, studied every teacher he could meet, and talked to every girl he could talk to to figure out dating. After four years, scads of lays, and many great girlfriends (plus plenty of failures along the way), he launched this website. He will teach you everything he knows about girls in one single program in his Mastery Package.


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Anonymous's picture

How d you get a girl that plays hard to get?

Chase Amante's picture


See this article:

Don't Chase Women


Young Learner 's picture

You said "If a woman tries bonding with you but you don't try conquering her, one way or another, the validation feels a lot less satisfying to her."

Why is this true? Can you answer this please?

Are you essentially saying the reason why the woman is trying to bond with me at all isn't to have an emotional connection with me and have someone to listen to her day, etc...but instead what she really wants (I suppose subconsciously) is for me to lead her and attract her thru my actions as a dominant, flirtatious, sexy male? And to move expeditiously fast so that she will respond well to me? And that if I don't do move fast, her attraction window will close and she will head into auto-rejection? How do I know that if I move quickly and sexually with her that she won't get offended and that she'll go into auto-rejection anyway? Is there a real strategy for keeping out of auto-rejection...not moving too fast or slow? Or should you just say fuck the outcome and try to move fast and even if she gets offended so be it? Is there a strategy to disarm her if she gets offended and starts being hotheaded and protests: "I'm not that kind of girl!" And then gets an attitude??? What do you even say to that? Or should I then leave her alone and go around the corner and find another one? What is the strategy here without supplicating myself to her protests?

Also, do women really think to themselves when they're attracted to a man "Hey you hunk, I'm attracted to you, I want you to show me your style, flair, suave, because if you don't act quickly and proficiently, I will think you aren't that into me?" What if the man in turns initiates conversation, invites her out, smiles at her, shows positive body language, rewards her, flirts with her, but the only thing he doesn't do is try to bed her quickly...would she still take it as the guy isn't really that in to her? I mean if women are so adept at social dynamics and reading body language why would they ever think a guy like I described is not that into them?? If she wants more than he is offering (she wants sex or other intimacy), why not move it forward herself...since he's already shown indirect interest, and it's not like she'd be flirting with a guy that doesn't like her at all?

Anonymous J.'s picture

See this is some of the reason why women have such low self esteem and do not respect or love themselves. It's because of all the articles on the internet, and tv and books, that tell men to do this and do that and control us. Some of these same articles tell women that they ought to expect their man to cheat and to put up with it and if he does cheat, it must be her fault. And any animal on the farm knows better. 4-12-13

These weak females believe this crap, because we don't have smart, high self esteem females like myself, who are willing to come forward and speak the truth to women and tell them they are not validated by any man, dad, boyfriend, or husband!!

Women are so easy to persuade, to do anything. Some female somewhere needs to write some articles and some books to help women to love themselves and respect themselves without a man, so that if and when they get into a relationship, the woman will have enough esteem to not look for validation from some jive male turkey .

Leo's picture

I'd like to mention how ANNOYING a married woman looking for validation can be. She doesn't feel loved anymore for her husband, so she's desperately looking for a guy that makes her FEEL loved and attractive again, even though she might not be interested in having sex with you.
Of course, run away from this woman; besides she's married.

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