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How Self-Esteem Issues Make Women Back Out of Sex

Varoon Rajah's picture

self-esteem and sex
Women get self-conscious about their bodies and pussies, which is why you need to make her feel comfortable, or her insecurities can force her out of the situation.

We are in Part 3 of our exploration of sex and female self-esteem.

In Part 1, I described two examples of the seduction falling apart in the last moments of courtship – right as sex was about to happen and the girl was excited and expecting it.

In Part 2, we discussed different ways that self-esteem issues can pop up before a guy invites a girl home.

Now in Part 3, we’ll look closely at what happens in the bedroom – the most vulnerable moment for a woman’s self-esteem.

A guy should be aware of a girl’s self-esteem throughout any scenario with her – especially in the bedroom. In a dating situation, the self-esteem issue is more convoluted because it’s easy to misunderstand the difference between your game versus the girl’s self-esteem, and it's hard to know when and how to make moves.

Sometimes your best intentions to influence a girl’s self-esteem positively can backfire and send the opposite message, making her self-esteem drop in response.

How Moving Too Slow Can Make a Girl Auto-Reject

Varoon Rajah's picture

moving too slow auto-rejection
I had such a great date, but now she won’t meet up again! WTF? Sometimes if you move too slowly, it’ll negatively affect her self-esteem and cause her to auto-reject.

Welcome back to our study on women, sex, and self-esteem! In Part 1, I gave two examples of encounters with girls I liked, and who liked me back. We both wanted sex to happen, but both dates fell apart because the girl’s self-esteem dropped because of something I did – or didn't do.

A girl’s feeling of self-esteem with a guy has a huge effect on how the encounter transpires. Self-esteem drops can kill courtships long before they’ve “rightfully” concluded. The metric most influenced by self-esteem is your attainability with a girl.

To start off, let’s recap this excellent story from Tomas in one of my articles. It’s a great example of self-esteem on the date.

“I met a woman. She was not very attractive but still decent looking and nice. I had only one hour of time for her. We were walking in the park, sitting, talking, etc. She felt embarrassed to look into my eyes but the talk was good.

Actually, I wasn’t turned on, but I still liked her. I took her hand and kissed her. She reciprocated passionately and almost threw herself into my arms. We talked and kissed more. Then, the hour was over. She extended an offer to visit her at her place next time and explained to me where she lived.

She texted me first, some two hours after the date, very kindly.

The next morning, she apologized in a text that she hadn’t felt the right spark with me and preferred not to meet again.

Varoon – I am an advanced seducer, and stories like this do happen. What’s the common reason for this incongruent behavior? Was there really no spark for her? Or there was, but perhaps she felt she made herself too easy for me? Or was she afraid I‘d leave her after sex? What do you think?”

Tomas’ story is one of the classic cases that I often see here – a girl who’s very interested in a guy at the meet and when going on a date but then automatically ejects herself.

Can you guess the fault? It’s simple, really – Tomas moved too slow, which caused the girl to eject because she didn’t feel she was good enough for him. As in my story of Violet from Part 1, the moment I stopped matching her attraction for me and speed for courtship, it fell apart because it left her feeling that I was unattainable and didn’t want her enough.

Every single girl wants to experience good feelings and avoid bad feelings. Unless she’s a girl who enjoys pain (which is usually a result of her history with emotional or mental abuse), no girl wants to feel bad or raw about dating a guy. That can take many different forms, as we’ll see. It’s possible to hurt her self-esteem by being unattractive, needy, and insecure, as much as it is to be too good for her and to move too slowly toward a passionate embrace.

Don't Date Women on Pills or with Issues

Chase Amante's picture

By: Chase Amante

don't date girls on pills
25% of modern women are on pills of some sort. If you have any choice at all with women, though, you should not be dating these girls on pills.

In the 2019 psychological horror movie Midsommar, a girl with psychological problems accompanies her boyfriend and his pals to a weird cult festival in Sweden. The movie itself is bizarre. And it's pure fiction (and rather extremely so. The director dreamed up a death cult more depraved than the ancient Aztecs or Assyrians... and placed it in modern hippie Sweden).

However, there is one moral present in the movie I think is worth a highlight: don't date women on pills. Or women with severe psychological issues, for that matter.

In the same year that movie premiered, 2019, 23.70% of Americans were on a psychiatric drug. That includes things like:

  • Antidepressants (13.40% of the population)
  • Antipsychotics (3.53% of the population)
  • Mood stabilizers (7.40% of the population)

... and a host of other assorted brain-altering cocktails.

These pills have all kinds of effects on the brains of those who use them.

The numbers are slightly higher for older adults. But not much. 18-44 year olds make up 36.5% of the American population, and 33.8% of the American pill-using population.

The sex differences are stark. Women are 67% more likely to use psychiatric drugs than men are. If you go out enough, and meet enough women, you are going to meet a lot of women on pills.

What should you do with these women?

Should you treat them as normal?

Or should you treat them the same way their psychologist does -- as people who have something wrong with them -- and stay away?

Each Woman Has Different Tastes

Chase Amante's picture

women different tastes in men

Some men like A-cups, and some men like B.

Some men like C-cups, or F-cups, or D.

Some like their women as sharp as a hawk,

But some prefer girls who are dumber than rock.

And men all see beauty in each kind of face,

'Cause each man has different taste.

If you talk to your buddies, you'll see no one agrees.

Some girls you rate 8s, they think only are 3s.

How a Woman’s Self-Esteem Issues Can Make Her Bail Out of a Courtship

Varoon Rajah's picture

woman's self esteem in dating
You could have a woman seduced and ready to have sex. You two could even be naked in bed. But certain self-esteem issues can still make her bail if you’re not careful.

A woman’s self-esteem is one of her greatest assets – and it’s perhaps THE most important emotional state to keep in mind when pursuing a woman. It is self-esteem that is the root cause behind the notion of auto-rejection, the notion of reputation management, and even the role of backward-rationalization in the dating process.

“Do you really find me attractive?”

“What if the sex is bad?”

Quite simply, self-esteem plays in to how much a girl likes you based on how much validation you provide when you’re with her. And since almost no woman wants to feel bad about herself, the better you can make a woman feel, the more she’ll start to see you as a guy who makes her feel good about herself.

My purpose in this article series is to make you aware of different ways your seductions can go wrong – at any stage – if you’re not careful to manage a woman’s self-esteem. How a woman feels about herself with you determines how she feels about being with you and having sex with you.

And just to note before we get started, this is different from teasing and playful banter, which can be good to spark attraction and create sexual tension. What we’re talking about in this article series is how some things you do or say can make her bail on a date (or even from your bed) because she doesn’t want to risk damage to her self-esteem.

Girls Who Chase Aggressively vs. Girls Who Do Not

Chase Amante's picture
girls chase
Girls chase men differently. Some chase in aggressive ways: they'll ask you out and touch you lots. Yet others are far more demure in how they chase.

On the spectrum of "how hard do girls chase?" we have a few distinct female profiles.

There are:

  1. Girls who are chasers
  2. Girls who are forward
  3. Girls who are dabblers
  4. Girls who are demure

Each of these types is a different type of woman. She expresses interest in and pursues men differently. Her behavior is often not so much determined by her interest level in you (though that's important) as it is her 'chase profile'.

A chaser who is very into you will chase hard in obvious ways. However, a demure girl who is very into you will only give you subtle indications of her pursuit, despite those pangs for you deep in her heart (and loins).

If you're only looking for chaser girls, you will miss out on most of the women who are into you, because most girls aren't chasers. Most will not chase in blatant, aggressive ways -- even if they're into you to the extreme.

Instead, you must recognize chase behavior from each of the four different types of girls.

Then, when you see it, pounce on it.

9 Things Women Want from the Men Around Them

Hector Castillo's picture

What Women Like in Men
What do women want in men? The “what” is relatively simple; but in a romantic context, it’s also about what you should and shouldn’t give them as a man.

What do women want? More specifically, what do women want from men?

Most of the time when these questions are asked, you get some derivative of “Who the hell knows?” and everyone laughs.

But we’ve figured it out and have it all cataloged here at Girls Chase. We have a pretty darn good idea of what women want from a romantic partner.

We know what women want in the short-term and the long-term.

And we teach you how to become a man who can supply it all.

I’ll go over what women want in this article, but just because a woman wants something doesn’t mean you should give it to her. That shouldn’t sound too revolutionary. If you were to give everyone what they want all the time, your resources and time would drain in an instant.

You should only give women what they want so long as it aligns with your personal values and if it helps you achieve your goals.This might sound like a business framework applied to romance, and it very much is.

But while one should be kind and generous, there are limits to how much you should give if you are romantically interested in a woman. And that’s the departure-point premise of this article.

So, with that said, I'll tackle the subject from the perspective of what women want in a romantic partner, long or short term. I'll also discuss what you should and shouldn't give her, and under what circumstances.

Do Women Lack Agency?

Chase Amante's picture

agency [ey-juhn-see]

noun, plural a·gen·cies.

the ability to make your own choices and act independently, free from the influence or pressure of others.

women have agencyThe subject of women's agency is one both feminist circles and the manosphere have debated almost since each movement's inceptions. Although these two movements approach things from different perspectives, and arrive at their conclusions via opposite routes, they both reach the same conclusion: that no, women do not have agency.

From the feminist side of things, here's a "veteran advocate, activist and educator" who pushes for "genuine sexual liberation and self-acceptance for women" (bio) who declares most women have no sexual agency. And here's the World Bank, a global financial institute and progressive spearhead organization (which has "promote gender equality" as one of its signature 'development goals'; it's also focused on, for instance, fighting manmade global warming), claiming that "girls and boys, and later women and men, have unequal capacity to exercise agency."

The consensus among feminists and other progressives is that women are deficient in agency. The reason they're deficient, feminists and progressives tell us, is because oppressive patriarchal systems and brutish, insensitive men sideline women from decision making -- even within their own lives.

The manosphere side arrives at the same conclusion as progressives and feminists -- that women are lacking in agency -- yet deduce this from a different set of clues. In the manosphere, examples of depraved, seemingly immoral behavior by women and the reliance of much of the modern female lifestyle on contraceptives, as well as the dearth of women who aspire to "higher values" as opposed to men, are pointed to when making the case that "[a] woman’s lack of agency is something neither to celebrate, nor despise. It is something to accept."

The consensus among red pill and manosphere thinkers, just like feminists and progressives, is that women are deficient in agency. The reason they're deficient, red pill and manosphere thinkers tell us, is because they are simply biologically incapable of freeing their decision-making from emotions, from accepting blame for mistakes they've made, or from hewing to any ideals higher than the most base, primitive necessary to run a life in a society.

It would seem that, while feminist, progressive, red pill, and manosphere thinkers might argue about the source, they all agree on the outcome: women lack agency.

So it might appear the debate is settled. Now we're just arguing about who's to blame: Mother Nature, or outdated, patriarchal men.

But I have another perspective on female agency.

Because I've seen all the things these thinkers talk about. I've also seen a lot of other things. And I've spent a lot of time up close with women, digging deep into their thinking and behavior beyond what they are even typically consciously aware of themselves doing, and beyond what most outside analysts believe they are doing too.

It's led me to the conclusion that women do not lack agency at all. Not in the feminist way, and not in the manosphere way, at least.

Instead, women beguile -- something they're exceptionally good at -- as part of how they act with agency in the world.

A woman uses the cloak of lack of agency as part of her real agency. Feminists further the agenda because it furthers theirs; male progressives and manosphere men alike push this female agenda (coming at it from different start points) because they buy it and believe the performance.

But a performance is what it is.

How Women Test Men in the Face of Sexual Desire

Varoon Rajah's picture

tests in the face of sexual desire
If you show sexual desire toward a girl you just met, she’ll throw tests your way. If you pass with flying colors, she might get excited to have sex with you.

In my last article, we covered why it’s important to show aggressive desire to women. Too few men are doing this properly, so now you can – and should – be one of the exceptions.

What I’ve observed is that overall, guys have regressed socially. A friend and I went to a New Year’s Eve party in San Diego, and we didn’t see any men approach women in a 1,000+ person party… until around 1:00 am when every single guy was needily – and horribly – approaching every single woman they could. They got rejected after 5 minutes or less every time. This happened over and over throughout the venue.

By 1:30 am the walls put up by every single woman in that venue were sky high – even a good approach wouldn’t be entertained, unless value had been built earlier in the night when the opportunity was there. So, it’s always better to be the exception to the rule.

However, being the exception also means women will test for authenticity harder, faster, and stronger.

“I've seen it all.”

Have you ever heard this from women? I have – it’s funny when they say this because they already know all the typical emotions of a guy if they’ve had enough experience (and if they’ve been screwed over by men enough times). Despite this, you can still entertain women with your antics as long as you rebuff their tests, stay, and maintain a fun and sexy frame.

“I know exactly what you guys want.”

This is another classic test. Last time I heard it, I looked at her straight in the eye with a boyish grin and smiled as though I was enjoying myself, which I was. After a short silence, I said, “So what? Have you also seen when guys do this?” And I lightly grabbed and squeezed her ass, in a way that no one else around us could see.

“Stop!”

She pulled away a little bit, laughed and smiled at me playfully while she said it – clearly she was annoyed, but she was having fun, too. I smiled and went right back to talking about something else. We cooled off for a little while, but she came right back and locked hands with me after that. That was a first date, and we had great sex that night.

Since I recognized her tests and signals, and passed with flying colors, I knew I'd be going home with this girl, and it was fine to do it. I wouldn't recommend it if you're not absolutely sure that a girl sexually desires you. For my style, it was great – playful, fun, sexual banter. She said something that I recognized that she was testing me on, and my response was to be aggressively playful and show some sexual desire – which probably turned her on. She pulled away because we were in public – she wouldn't want our antics to be seen by anyone around her.

When you're trying to go for sex with a woman, she's going to test you. It's in her nature to do that. The real reason that women test men is that they're used to seeing all sorts of tricks by men – and no girl wants to feel like a guy is just trying to get his rocks off inside her like she’s some random girl. No girl wants to feel like she's being masturbated into. Even if it's for one night, she still wants sex to be passionate and mind-blowing – she needs the man to give her his full attention, not just to treat her like a sex doll.

What a girl tests for is how strong a man’s desire for her really is.

Women Are Emotional (But Not Irrational) – The Method Behind the Madness

Hector Castillo's picture

Women Are Emotional But Not Irrational
Think women are crazy? If so, it’s probably because you’ve dated one. Fact is, beneath their seemingly emotional disarray, you’ll find a high level of rationality.

Men like to complain about how emotional and irrational women are. We even hear many of those claims in the seduction community and its neighboring communities – e.g., the Manosphere, the Red Pill community, etc.

“Women are feelz before realz.”

“Chick logic.”

Some of these guys even brand women children who are incapable of making adult decisions based on logic and reason. Here at Girls Chase, we know better.

Women are emotional, but not irrational. In fact, they are far more rational than you can imagine – when it comes to what’s important.

Put another way, women are guided by their emotions, but that doesn’t lead them to make as many stupid decisions as you might think. That’s the real accusation behind men calling women “irrational,” isn’t it? That they are less capable of making sound decisions?

Let’s be clear – there is some truth to the claim that women are less rational than men. Men are the leaders of our species, better equipped to make hard decisions like where to eat dinner or how to defeat an army. But when it comes to sexual selection, women are vastly more competent than men. That’s why 80% of women in history have reproduced, whereas for men, that figure is below 40%.

The emotion-based behavior of women leads them to be vastly more successful at sexual selection than men, which makes them highly rational, since sexual selection is one of the most important decisions – perhaps the most important – that any human can make.

Thus, I would argue that women are not irrational. They’re simply designed for different purposes than men and perform their purpose well because of their emotional nature.