Hi everyone. Today we will get less theoretical and more into practical seduction techniques, as I believe it important to vary the style of my posts.
Today’s topic might seem fancy, but it will cover a problem that seducers of all levels face: that is, female mental state changes (or “mood changes” if you prefer) – a problem that frustrates many of us.
No matter where you are in terms of skill, you have almost definitely on numerous occasions met women who seemed really into you at first but then suddenly turned ice-cold. It’s not uncommon and it happens to all of us.
What shocks me however is how rarely this topic is discussed. So that is why I’ve decided to write a post breaking it down for you.
Our approach today is to first discuss why this happens and then, in the second part, to talk about a few solutions to the problem so you know what to do the next time a girl begins suddenly to turn cold for seemingly no reason.
What is a State Change?
You have probably at least once in your life been to a club: feeling good, approaching a few women, having some success. But suddenly, your state drops. You become kind of lazy, bored, tired; not really in the mood – simply not feeling it anymore. Just moments before you felt like the king of seduction, but now things have changed: you don’t know what to do or what to say when interacting with a woman. You feel like you have just lost your charm and your balls to boot.
Sometimes, you push yourself back into a good mental state by re-approaching women and regaining momentum. Other times you just end up going home alone, which, contrary to popular beliefs, happens to us all.
The truth is... we have all been there. This phenomenon is FAR from uncommon.
And guess what? Women are pretty similar to us men when it comes to state; in fact, their moods change more often than ours do.
It surely won’t come as a shocker when I tell you that women are more emotional and more susceptible to mood changes than men.
Without getting too much into evolutionary biology (because I am not a pro in the field), we know that women are wired differently than us men and that mood changes occur often.
We also know that women have a tendency to be more affected by their surroundings than men are. Ever kissed a girl in a club, and suddenly her favorite track comes on? Well, if this has happened to you, you know that the girl probably jumped out of her seat screaming and went off to dance to that silly track with her friends. This is a typical real-life example of a sudden mood change.
Women’s mental states change a lot and do so very quickly, especially in clubs where there are a lot of things happening that can affect their state: distractions, lights, music, other people around them – not to mention alcohol, which has a huge impact on mood.
An even more common scenario would be the girl who seemed so into you at first – who made you feel like a god, but then when you call her up later, she seems less excited. She doesn’t seem as eager to meet you as you’d hoped for. Maybe she even stopped answering your message and you don’t have any idea why.
Or a very similar situation that is even more frustrating: when you are going on a “day 2” (or a date, if you like) with a girl who seemed really into you during the initial meet, but now, upon meeting her again, she is in a totally different mood: she is aloof, unexcited, and behaving in an a-sexual way. This is frustrating because she is not the girl you expected to meet. But has she changed?
In a way, she has, because her mood has changed. Have you done anything wrong to trigger this negative feeling in her? Well, maybe you have done something, like maybe you have come across as needy – which obviously is a huge attraction killer – but most of the time it has nothing to do with you.
Think about it: you extract a girl from a club; a high energy environment with lots of noise and chaos. This affects her mood. She might have had a few drinks and is in a euphoric state when you first meet. She kisses you, she feels good – ecstatic even; full of energy. She may even feel horny.
So you drag her outside, because you’ve learned that isolating is key. Suddenly she has changed environments, which in itself can affect her state. However, you are doing a good job escalating, so you manage to keep her horny. The next step is the extraction.
You offer her to take a cab back to your place. She accepts and you jump in. As she enters the cab, she is again entering a different environment – an even calmer environment, which as we know by now will affect her mood even more. Then finally she is at your place. Her hangover is starting to kick in and she feels tired. And now she has entered yet another, even more laid-back environment. It is now obvious that her mood has changed and that the chances that she’s lost at least some of her horniness are high.
Guilt and Neediness
So the issue that is presented to us is that you can meet a cool woman at one time, then meet her again and she’s a totally different person. She might seem less attracted to you. Or worse, she might at first seemed really horny and ready for some sexual fun, then all the sudden she becomes totally anti-sexual.
It is easy to blame oneself for this, when in fact it is often simply her mood being affected by other external factors: her friends, other women, other men, the environment, loud music, lightening, alcohol, hormones, periods, venue changes, the weather, lacks of sleep… the list goes on.
Unless she is turning cold right away specifically because of something you have done that she didn’t seem to like, then it is most likely not your fault.
Commonly, the typical “state change” scenario tends to unfold like this: it just happens as time passes or after her being away from you for a few minutes (or hours, days, weeks), and most of the time her turning cold happens during a time bridge when you are not with her – so it is indeed not your fault.
However, the issue is that, as men, we tend to believe it is our own fault that the woman is turning cold, so we tend to start supplicating and become very needy in order to “repair” the damage that we believe we have caused. We had such a great vibe with that girl and she was so hot, and now suddenly she is ice-cold, so obviously this is not a situation you want to be in. But stressing about it and trying desperately to change her mood is just going to make things worse – believe me!
Women hate nothing more than needy men, so doing something that turns them off and annoys them is the exact wrong thing to do here.
Solutions
We have now explained why women turn ice cold and discussed how not to behave in these circumstances. Let us now get more practical and discuss different tactics that you can use when a girl is turning cold.
Seal the Deal Fast
The best way to avoid this problem is to physically seal the deal as fast as possible, while her state is still “hot”.
For instance, if you have been interacting with this chick and she is all over you – as in, qualifying to you and allowing you to get sexual with her – then escalating right away is crucial; take the interaction to the next level; get her back to your place or find a place to bang her immediately.
The more you delay things, the more likely she is going to get bored, and the more likely she will lose her state and turn cold. Women turn bored whenever a man they were originally attracted to waits too long before making a move – because such men, who usually are perceived as providers and not lovers, indicate that they’re not men who are used to getting their own way all the time (or they, perhaps inadvertently, communicate are actually looking for something long-term).
But remember, the more time you waste before making a move, the more chances that sooner or later someone will cockblock you, or worse, steal your woman from you. There are so many factors that can come into play at anytime.
If she is in the mood “now”, then you need to make your move “now”, because later her vibe might be different – she might turn cold because of the changes in the weather or because her friend is crying, etc.…
So the best advice is to strike while the iron is hot. Grab your balls and make the bold move when you feel it’s on, as later on it might be too late. Go for it, and if she gives you any resistance – which happens – do a takeaway and try again later.
Anchors
This is a very simple concept. In order to get a woman back into the mood she originally was in, using anchors can be beneficial.
An anchor, simply put, is a cached state that has been saved into her unconscious mind by a certain act (from you). It can be a particular sound, word, smell, or touch that she relates to a mental state.
This means that you save a certain state by, for example, touching her a particular way so that every time you do touch her that way you remind her of the associated state. Basically, you associate a mental state with a certain action.
You’ve probably been on a holiday once in your life and had a great time – and on it you might have heard a hit that was just played constantly everywhere. Now a few years later every time you hear that track not only do you remember those earlier events, but you also more or less get back in the same mental state you were in then.
Now some seducers such as Drexel Scott are expert in the use of Neuro Linguistics Programming – however, I am not, so I am not able to anchor certain states to a particular way of touching or sound, but I know this: reminding her of an earlier occasion where you had a great time with her works quite well.
For example, if you’ve danced with a girl to a certain track and things between you were getting hot, you can for example play her the same track during the day when you meet again later to make her feel the same way as she did in the club. Or if something funny happened during your initial meet – something that occurred or something one of you said – and then you remind her of it, you are most likely going to trigger the anchor and get her back to the mental state she was in earlier. Just remind her of something special that happened.
If nothing unique happened, don’t worry, you are not solely depending on anchoring, as there are plenty of other methods for managing a girl’s mental state.
Open Loops
This is my favorite strategy. It’s efficient and very easy to pull off. An open loop is a simple way of using anchoring (I will get to more advanced stuff later), where the idea is to deliver the goods only half way – like on TV shows, where the show often ends right before a climax (such as an action scene or the interesting conclusion).
Call it a cliffhanger, if you prefer.
The idea is to leave her wanting more, which in itself can make her attracted, as it helps you set a chase frame. For example, you can talk about a really interesting topic such as sex (which also has the benefit of not only turning her on, but also gets you perceived as a lover – a powerful attraction switch in itself) and before reaching the climax, you stop the conversation and either leave (if you plan on meeting other women) or change the topic.
What I like to do is to talk about, for example, sex (but any other exciting topics works fine, such as exciting stories) and only talk about them halfway. For example, if I talk about female orgasms, I would only discuss it halfway (like by only mentioning three different female orgasms, after previously making it clear to her that there were eight. So I did not tell her about the other five, making her wonder about them).
Or if you prefer sharing stories – which is a good technique because it is easy to pull off – you can share a story without reaching the climax. Usually, I would like to have at least one, but usually I have three unfinished topics with most women I converse with.
Then if you meet her again (the next day or just a few minutes later) and she is turning cold, just go back to the conversation that you didn’t end earlier: “Oh and the five other types of orgasms are…” – she will be very excited to hear about them and you get a cool transition back to where you were conversation-wise, but the anchor also kicks in, which is even better.
Or let’s say you shared an amazing story during the initial meet (let us say you met this girl during the day) and you invited her back over to your crib. She comes over and is beginning to turn cold, so you save it by telling her how the story ends and the conversation flows naturally (no awkwardness) and the anchor kicks in, saving/boosting the interaction. This concept is very simple and is really handy to have in your arsenal, because no matter if you are into online, day, Tinder, social circle or club game, this will work as a good tool.
Let us now recap this post.
Recap
Sometimes we meet a cool girl and things are getting hot. She seems horny and ready to hook up. But suddenly she turns cold and you feel really frustrated.
Most of the time this happens when you are parted from your girl: either when you are in a club or your girl had to see her friends, or when she leaves you after giving you her number during the daytime.
Even though I don’t have much experience with online game (we have some great posters who are experts on that) I believe this happens there as well.
In some cases this can also happen while you are still with her. You can’t control people’s moods and my experience (and probably yours too) tells me that women can change mood in a matter of seconds – sometimes all it takes is a small thing to happen (she gets an SMS from a depressed friend, the temperature changes, etc.).
It happens, and it is key to not get too frustrated by it. It is rarely your fault, so trying desperately to get her back in mood can easily come off as needy and will kill her mood even more. So stay relaxed and apply the techniques I have shared with you.
A good way to avoid this problem is to escalate before mood shifts have the chance to occur. Sometimes waiting to make a move is terribly stupid – if a girl is ready, you need to take it to the next step, or else you might over-game and come across as try-hard (needy) or kill her mood by boring her. Some women require time to seduce, while other are ready to go right way (literally), so calibrate according to how she reacts. Calibration comes from experience.
But often this is not possible; therefore it is good to have some techniques ready. We discussed anchoring – “saving” a mental state by either telling her something special that she remembers; touching her in a particular way; or by using sound (for example a special track). Smell also plays in here, so get yourself some good cologne.
If a girl turns cold you can always remind her of something special that took place during the initial meet – such as something funny or exciting one of you said or that occurred. Basically, the main thing is to remind her of something unique that took place during the meet so the anchor will be triggered and she will get back in the mood.
The last technique we discussed was the use of open loops. Open loops, also known as cliffhangers, are based on ending a topic (or a story) before its climax in order to leave her wanting more. This way when you meet her again you can wrap up the topic (or the story), making your conversation flow naturally while also triggering the anchor.
Sometimes though, none of this works, and it’s never a bad idea to move on and try to meet other girls rather than wasting time on a bad lead. There are a lot of girls out there.
Hope this post was useful to you.
-Alek
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