Secrets to Getting Girls: Staying Out of Auto-Rejection | Girls Chase

Secrets to Getting Girls: Staying Out of Auto-Rejection

These days Sebastian Drake’s VAC attraction model is all but forgotten in the seduction community. There’s been a gold rush toward “natural game” and at the same time a supposed abandonment of the previously ubiquitous “routine-based game,” the ever-present 800-pound gorilla in pick up circles half a decade ago.

Chase AmanteAbout the Author: Chase Amante

Chase woke up one day in 2004 tired of being alone. So, he set to work and read every book he could find, studied every teacher he could meet, and talked to every girl he could talk to to figure out dating. After four years, scads of lays, and many great girlfriends (plus plenty of failures along the way), he launched this website. He will teach you everything he knows about girls in one single program in his Mastery Package.


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lachstar's picture

Great article dude!! I'm stoked to read this as I am definitely doing all four things wrong at one stage or another. You've really got it down pat here mate, I am amazed at the breadth of your knowledge on the subject!

Okay, a question: I've been hitting the gym recently and I've been losing weight too. People are now regularly commenting on how good looking I am. I'm concerned this may push some girls directly into auto-rejection off the bat, or at least set me too low on the attainability scale. Are there any adjustments I can make to my approach and initial conversations to convey humbleness without looking too beta or being incongruent?

I'm also having trouble getting the girls I like... I love curvy/thick girls with big tits. Unfortunately they tend to be pushed away a lot of the time, or something I do triggers their low self esteem (if they have it) or body issues. Any thoughts on this issue?

Thanks again for your time!


Chase Amante's picture

You're welcome Lach, glad this one answered most of your auto-rejection questions. Thanks for the post idea!

Props on getting in the gym, I've been bad about that lately. Always rewarding when folks are saying you look good, eh?

For the initial approach, work on coming across both warm and sexy. Work on slow, sexy smiles, and strong eye contact with slightly droopy bedroom eyes. Both warmth and sexiness convey interest to women that put them at ease. The better at those you get, the better you'll offset any imbalance by being too good looking and allow girls to relax around you and allow themselves to feel excited by you.

The thick curvy girls, hmm, hard to say without seeing it but I'd guess you're just coming off too high value for them. Work on warmth and sexiness, and you can also try adding a little bit early on in your interactions like pointing at some skinny girl and saying, "See that girl over there? Bet she gets pushed around when it's too windy outside." You might even try opening with that; could be good for a few laughs. Just light teasing of skinny girls to let them know you like girls with some meat on their bones. Should set them at ease ;)

Cheers bro,

Anonymous's picture

Great article man, but just realized that I did everything wrong, gone too slow and now the girl I like its just cold with me, she already was shy, but now its getting very hard talking to her, as she always go quiet and aloof, I started talking to her becouse she always was the first to gaze me. now we often flirt in distance with eye contact and smiles, but she seems way too shy now, sometimes she even walks away when im talking to her, there would be something I could do to bring her back? every time she looks at me from distance i feel she still likes me but I have no idea of what to do!

greetings from Brazil (sorry for my bad english).


Chase Amante's picture

Oi Caesar,

You've found yourself in a pretty common scenario that lots of guys end up in -- in fact, I get a lot of emails and questions about exactly this. I've put together a blog post answering your question, and geared towards addressing all the guys who want to salvage things with a girl they've lost -- you can find it here:

The Ultimate Guide on How to Get a Girl Back

Hope this helps, and best of luck with your girl, brother!


Anonymous's picture

Dude, please your in Brazil, there you half do to half the work with x2 the reward compared to the USA. I am hoping to go there on march-15 and stay 3 months.
I too find this article interesting but it was too vague and theoretical for me:
Saying the every woman is different and the unrealistic bedding a women in 4-5 hours unless you have a lot of money or model good looks preferably both this does not happen for most men here in New Jersey unless you lie and put up a façade of course she will leave once the truth is known but hey your got the pussy all's fair in love n war, right? Like I said the article is decent overview of female auto rejection but without workable tips to detect and avoid this annoying habit women have. Here in the NYC metro area women are very fussy when it comes to income pretty much rejecting any man making under $40000 a year even decent looking ones, I know this from 1st hand experience because
1. I am decent looking, know how to dress, have a decent hairstyle, etc.
2. Can converse in a wide range if subjects in engaging and humorous fashion.
3. Women I meet do most of the talking, I have an easy time moving to the # stage.
4. Yet I am single and this annoys the hell out of me. I have lived in other cities and never had such a problem meeting women that I do here....
I really do not want to lie but it maybe necessary to get to next step "1st or 2nd date." hopefully when the woman I date knows the truth she will stay, but...

Anyomous's picture

I met a girl off myyearbook and at first everything went great. After we saw each other two times we were dating but we only kissed once and I asked her because she's been raped and I wanted to to show her respect so I know I shouldn't have done that now. I was also VERY clingy. And she told me she needed space but I really fucked up and kept burning up her phone. One time she got mad and called me a stalker. But surprisingly every now and then she still texts me "hey" so I think I may have a small chance. The problem is she claims she's living with her ex fiance but she claims she's not dating him. She's just trying to get out on her own for awhile. I know they are having sex though. I'm just trying to win her back and she told me yesterday she found out he was having sex with another girl so I think she's already losing faith in him. I just want to know what you think I should do to increase my chances and actually win her back and for good. Another fear I have is that she claims she has cheated on people but she claims it was guys who treated her bad. She is one of those girls who loves sex like ridiculously she's like a guy about it. She's one of those chicks who hates chicks. She seems like she has some morals about it though. If you can also tell me how can I tell if she's one of those chicks who will cheat on your ass 24/7 that would be helpful.


James B's picture

A girl like this, my advice is to stay the fuck away.

Anyomous's picture

I was wondering what is the best way to get a chick to sleep with you without making it obvious? You were talking about persuasion before put it in that type of terminology.

Anonymous's picture

hey Chase,
I've read a few of your articles today and i must say, i'm really impressed. I'm a 22-year-old girl, and I'm studying psychology. I completely agree with many of your arguments about women, and the required interaction between both sexes in order to achieve successful relationships. However, you mention repeatedly about how you guys should be sleeping with women on the first night, or within the first three nights, and if he's not, he needs to move faster for fear that she may put him in the friendzone. I disagree with this. What about women who wish to take it slow with sex? I myself am one, i was raised in a high-morals family where sex isn't something i give away willy nilly, and certainly not within the first few months of dating. That has nothing to do with the guy, in fact, i find it very redeeming and attractive quality when a guy (although he admits it's difficult for him and will still try to score on occasion) will wait for when i'm ready. So what's your take on those situations?

Job well done. :)



Anonymous's picture

Jess, you seem to be pedastalising sex too much, in any relationship you should be getting sex out of the way ASAP. If you make someone wait for months you will only ever attract low quality guys, because nobody of any decent quality would wait that long.

Besides all that sex is the most single enjoyable thing 2 people can have, why waste time NOT having sex? You seem to be falling for the trap most young girls fall into IMO.

Harry's picture

Thanks, these are home truths. I can see things crystal clear now.

Harry's picture

In my experience, instructors can try to blow students out when the student is a lone wolf. Dance instructors, acting coaches, mathematics professors, it doesn't matter. Wolves travel in packs and they have an alpha male and alpha female as head. And their pack will chase down any lone wolves they see on their territory and kill them. Alphas, instructors who head groups of any and all kinds, are great at noticing if there is anyone in their mist who is aloof and not readily dominated. And they will often try to set the pack against them. In an effort to prove their dominance, they will start scapegoating. At least that has been my experience. It's pretty weird to see because the dynamics are raw and in the open no matter how often or how many social psychologist repeat the refrain that these are unconscious processes. I believe the professionals are simply trying to portray the guilty parties as innocent.

Anonymous's picture

I wrote off a girl (well have tried to anyway with great difficulty) I felt strongly for about a year ago due to the fact that although she expressed strong interested in me, she moved onto another guy due to me moving too slow, being aloof etc.

Since then, as part of bringing closure to the whole episode, I read all these theories about escalation-windows and auto-rejection, and concluded that this was most likely what happened in my case, and thus put the whole thing to rest, reaching acceptance that anything we had was over (well at least trying my best with these steps), and resolving not to make these 'mistakes' again with the next someone special who comes along.
As it is not often that someone who I feel is really special comes into my life I did not react to the apparent loss by trying to find someone else, as I knew it would be highly unlikely that I would come across two girls who made me feel this way within such a short space of time. And I wasn't going to get one to use to try and make her jealous either, as not only do I not play such games, but it would be hard to find one as attractive as her (at least to me anyway). So I have basically just spent the entire time feeling very down over the whole thing and hoping someone else would come along that would help me forget about her.

Yet I was recently left pretty much stunned to find out that the girl in question had never given up on me, never moved on, and never really went into this supposed process of 'auto-rejection' at all (don't ask how she chose to demonstrate this to me, it's too complicated to explain here). She had actually went to what are in my view the pretty extraordinary lengths of getting involved in an apparent ever-increasingly serious relationship spanning over a year - including moving in with the guy - throughout the entire time I was trying to come to acceptance that anything we had was long gone and unrepairable, while all the while still having her sights firmly set on me.

The effect of this on me has been a bit like being told by a loved one that they only had a year or two left to live - going through the processes of anger/frustration/denial mourning and acceptance - only to find out it was all only a joke and one of these 'tests'. Now I'm torn between deciding whether or not to just leave her to her own devices with the guy (who seems nice and who she must at least like, but definitely doesn't love) she used all this time to get under my skin (thus making her the ultimate loser in this long game, but at the same time not only depriving her of me, but me of her as well), or to swallow my pride, accept that the pain caused by the whole thing was partially my own fault, and come up with a way of approaching her with the aim of fixing the whole thing and putting the games to an end. It's an agonizing decision to have to make. We're both in our final year at college, and the college environment has proven a good one for this type of long game, as I can't simply avoid her, and can't leave it either (unless I take time out which would show she's getting to me).

On the one hand I don't want my own stubbornness to be a permanent source of regret over what could have been with this girl, while on the other hand I don't want to give into this manipulative behavior and feel like she herself could maybe do with learning a life lesson about the risks involved in playing these games. If neither of us gives ground over it, we'll both go through a lot of sadness and regret which will probably stay with us for a very long time, but at the same time we will each learn some valuable lessons over it all. Or one of us could just simply reach out to the other and bring the whole thing to a happy conclusion. Although she's got involved with this guy to such an extent, including actually living with him for our whole last year at college and now nearing finals, that bringing everything to a happy conclusion won't be simple at all. What course of action would any of you guys do/advise in this situation?

I just wanted to highlight that all these auto-rejection and escalation-window theories are too simplistic (unless of course when applied to nightclub hookups or situations where either party wouldn't be particularly bothered if they never saw the other person again). Where special feelings have begun to develop a woman can't just go into auto-rejection mode with someone she's falling in love with and make such feelings simply disappear, especially over something so laughably trivial as the guy moving too slow for her liking or him being a bit aloof. The whole idea of 'Escalation Windows' is also similarly simplistic and is by and large only applicable to casual hook-ups too. If two people really have powerful feelings for each other they will never just go away, and one party won't simply be able to write off the other simply because they didn't move fast enough within some time frame. Maybe it would be a good thing if everyone could be as clinical as that with their emotions, but the reality is that things are not so simple and most people of either sex can't.

Anonymous's picture

While the content I've learned here is spot on, I think that there are some situations and circumstances where terms like escalation windows don't cover enough. there's a girl I'm interested in that for work circumstances cannot tall to me face to face almost all day, not only thay, but is nervous and admitted that she shuts down when she finds out someone is interested in them. I've been reading this site for over a year and allied successfully some of it, but this situation and girl do not fit in any one category. I am extremely confused at where I'm at. Does she want to just sleep With me? Am I moving too slow or too fast? I can't tell at all.

Anonymous's picture

Further to my post Sat, 01/26/2013 - 11:30, and after considering the 'I Can't Stop Thinking About Her' article, I think it's quite possible that in some of these cases of 'auto-rejection' the woman may not actually have given up on the man - in fact may have become even more 'obsessed' and 'infatuated', to use two terms from the other article. But because of the same behavior of the guy described here as leading to a typical case of 'auto-rejection', she has gotten fed up with the conventional playing nice tactics and has instead went down a path trying to cause him pain and mess with his head, while her ultimate aim hasn't changed. Even though she may feel she loves the guy with all her heart and may be constantly 'pining' for him, to again use another word from the 'I Can't Stop Thinking About Her' article, she has started a much more negative cycle of behavior towards him with the intention of conquering his heart.

How likely the end result is to differ from a classic 'escalation window' and 'auto-rejection' case, however, as described here, is something I do not know and would say depends on the particular case/circumstances. So maybe the 'escalation window' and 'auto-rejection' process can still be considered to encompass such cases as mine, just to keep things simple, if the ultimate result is likely to be the same, or perhaps even worse, in terms of pain caused for both parties.

I'll be sure to post back if I have a heartwarming happy ending story for everybody, but I wouldn't hold out too much hope for one!

Anonymous's picture

'This “status harm avoidance” is incidentally also the driving force behind men’s approach anxiety; there’s a strong desire to avoid putting oneself in the situation of being rejected and seeing one’s perceived status go down.'

I'd just like to make an added point further to Wed, 01/30/2013 - 06:45. I think, well recognized quite quickly after the girl got herself another guy actually, that I made a mistake with her in not realizing that by not making a move quickly enough, I was putting her at increasing risk of looking desperate, and making her feel devalued and probably worried that other girls would be gossiping and laughing at her behind her back at her desperately chasing me with no success. A girl would probably be particularly fearful of this happening in a college community, and I was just not awake to it at the time, although I was agonizingly close to making a move on her. I had planned to do it next time I saw her actually, as I new I'd better hurry up, and then I could hardly believe it when I heard she'd got a new boyfriend.

So the 'status harm avoidance' can take the form of a new boyfriend in both a classic auto-rejection case as described here and my own situation where the fact that the girl is now in a relationship puts her in a much more comfortable and powerful position from which to continue trying to get the guy she is really after.

I mean you don't really need much intelligence to work it out, many would even regard it as an immature maneuver, or 'high school stuff'. And while the girl didn't make what she was doing really obvious I knew she was trying to make me jealous with the guy and it went on for a few months in which I had a few opportunities to play the role of winning the lost girl back. But I just couldn't bring myself to do it, as I felt she made the decision to jump into a relationship with another guy so she should live with that decision, at least until she made another one to end it with him. My attitude was that she quite literally 'made her own bed so should lie in it'.

I was hoping she would wear herself out with the whole thing, but instead she continued with it as her new relationship developed into a more serious one which has lasted now over a year and with her living with the guy. And as her new relationship developed it got to the point, several months after it began, where I began to stop thinking she was only using the guy to make me jealous, that she had decided that he was the one for her rather than me, and that I was nothing more than a distant memory to her - someone she'd liked at one stage, but who it just didn't work out with and didn't occupy her thoughts much anymore. So I obviously just regarded her as completely lost and tried to forget about her.

However when it got to about the year mark of her being with guy, as I mentioned in my first post, I was really taken aback, like really stunned, when she communicated to me that she still had her eyes and heart firmly said on me. Obviously she didn't just come up and tell me this (but I really wish she had have just done that) as there would be no problem any more and I would be with her now. But she did it in such a way that is quite complex and would be difficult, as I also mentioned in my first post, to explain here.

So basically 'status harm avoidance' doesn't simply take the form of outright rejection of the guy, but can take the form of the girl getting another one and using a relationship not only as a shield behind which she can keep working on the guy from a much more comfortable position in terms of 'status harm avoidance', but that position also gives her much more power as well.

My moods over all this keep fluctuating between being bewildered; amazed; really turned-on and aroused that she went to all these lengths and finding it sexy as hell; but also sick to the stomach at the thought of her making love to the guy and thinking of all the moments they shared together, and that she maybe even lost her virginity to him. When my mood is dominated by these last negative thoughts I just want to block her out of my mind completely, avoid her at all costs, and consider her as a total write off, and someone that I was lucky not to have gotten into a relationship with - as the whole thing is just so messy, not to mention incredibly draining to the point where I'm not even eating and sleeping properly and my mind so messed up and distracted that I can hardly concentrate for long enough to read a page of a book and I'm in my final year of college! Indeed it's definitely had a negative impact on my studies, but I've been able to muster up just enough strength to get by. Although I have myself to blame for some of it, all and all she's put me through quite an ordeal! I suppose you could say she has me on the ropes! And it feels like after all twelve rounds!

Like I said in my last post I will post back if I have a heartwarming happy-ending story for you guys. If there is one, however, I'm not sure whether it will involve me finally ending up with her, or finally getting away from her!

Anonymous's picture

What are the secrets for the other side of auto-rejection? I mean what if I'm worried my own auto-rejection threshold is too low and therefore preventing my attraction to normal, attractive girls?

Anonymous's picture

Wow so very true!! I recently put a man in auto-rejection and didn't even realize I did. I tried so hard for a year. Even found myself constantly finding subtle ways to open him up or make him personally interested in me. After evaluating and realizing I had other men in my life making a real effort to get to know me, I finally made the decision to cut him off and block all contact in order to protect my feelings. After about 3 months, we became in contact again (he found me) but this time there is no flirting on my part, I no longer initiate contact and unless I feel he is interested in me, I've accepted "it is what it is". No blame on him at all, we all want different things and I've come to accept it's simply not me. I've put myself in his "friend zone".

michael uk's picture

Hi Chase,

A while back i realised my game and skills were rusty and have read many gurus advice etcon the net - your articles are amazing and you seem to be a clone of me in many ways but you seem far in advance in your skills, knowledge, attention to detail and also the way you put beautifully and precisely into words some of the problems many men face - together with solutions. The positive thing is the problems i am now facing are much further up the ladder of seduction and hopefully i can climb and climb but remain humble in the process. Thanks Michael London UK.

Tomas's picture

Hello Chase,

I have that kind of psychological questions - Why is so hard to climb out of auto-rejection once you get there? What is the force that keeps you there? Is it injured female vanity? Is it that your person becomes a trigger to her bad feelings? Or is it subconscious?

It´s crazy when a woman is all over you one day and then, due to a missed escalation window, starts to hate your guts forever, although you´re still the same man and could love you otherwise. I´d very appreciate to understand the deeper roots of this behavior.


Anonymous's picture

Here's my two cents...

Your answer is humility. Yes, there will be a window of opportunity. If she sends signals and you ignore them, she'll place you firmly in her rear view. But there's a but...

Even after she’s in auto-rejection, I think humility is the quickest and most effective way to get her to drop her guard. But learning when to humble yourself and how to do it will be a work in progress. Don't plead, beg, profusely apologizing, or bug her with multiple messages - and absolutely no BS (we may not tell you, but the smell reeks from miles away).

Try to understand how she feels and why, then fix it by addressing the cause. The key to doing that is taking responsibility for how you contributed to whatever lead to auto-rejection. Sometimes it's as simple as "You know, I see that I effed up, and I'm sorry." You're breaking the ice to set a meet. Let her say what she needs or ask whatever she wants answered because this is where you rebuild trust. Keep what you say calm and to the point. Don't apportion blame. Do your best to wind this part of the conversation down as soon as possible without seeming dismissive. You can say "Is there anything else you want me to answer." Then move on to talking about other things to build the attraction.

As an aside, calling her attention to what she did wrong will keep her on the defense. The best way to get her to own up (if it's situation where she needs to) is to simply open the door for her to walk through on her own. It's a vulnerable position for you to be in, but if she's a good girl, she'll recognize that, and she won't let you lose face. If she does, then move on.

Humility is one attribute that is so attractive, and it will separate you from other men. Try to master it. It's like gold, and it'll be most effective on women who are worth that much.

Good luck.

P.S. This article Chase wrote is very good at explaining the reasons she goes into auto-rejection.

whitegato's picture

chase, I just wanted to say I love your articles and they help put some things into perspective that I was trying to figure out for a while. After reading both of your articles "how girl shows interest" and "Auto rejection" I've realized I need to just push forward in the absence of red lights I just assume they're interested the move faster so they dont going to auto reject mode. but I still continue to run into the same problem that I have been dealing with for over 3 years and have not been able to get past. the girl will show mass interest so I'll try to make things happen. But one of two things end up happening. The first result is she'll act surprised that I try to make plans or get her number and she act like she was in shock, like she didn't see it coming. But that very rarely happens. The second results which happens a lot more is usually with somebody I run into or work with a lot and I'll get their number and they seem interested but as soon as I start texting them in trying to make plans they act cold and aloof. Making it just about impossible to seal the deal and keep them out of order rejection. So after getting nowhere with making plans or through texting I'll run into him again and not act as interested as I was before. Then they will try to get my attention and act more interested when its face to face. So I'll start trying to hit em up to make plans and they will start acting cold and aloof again. So I end up just giving up and I'm tired of wasting my time. And then I watch them go into auto reject mode after I start ignoring them and stop trying to push things foward. how do I get out of this repetitious cycle? It's getting to the point where I don't even try because it's the same results over 3 years in a row. and I don't act interested anymore. And I watch girls continually give me signs of interest untill they eventual become bitter towards me. which really sucks since this affects my work environment. I'll get individual girls and women acting really bitter and rude towards me. I'm starting to realize that women, even beautiful women, are a lot more sensitive and have less self esteem and we men think they do.
So how do we push forward if we can't get them to hang out even though
there acting interested but wont lock down a time and place to build comfort?

Anonymous's picture

Chase doesn't reply to old posts anymore. I'd suggest you post this in the forum or in the comments section of some of the latest articles.

I'm having exactly this issue too and would love to understand what exactly is going on as well.

Anonymous's picture

The thing is, there are plenty of women who go into auto reject the moment they lay eyes on you, and they then have an immediate disliking of you and try to show you non-verbal signs of contempt. There are a lot of physically unappealing and generally unattractive women out there, and if you don't appear to be a desperate loser, you know, a guy that she might actually attract because he has no money and no options and would simply be happy having sex with a goat, if he could get his hands on one, well, if you don't fit that description these women will auto reject and they will try to make you feel like you are being rejected. These are women who would not even be a bleep on your radar screen, and yet they are sending non-verbal torpedoes below your water line, salvo after salvo if they are around you long enough. They may even get vocally offensive or physically aggressive. Some of them may look like they are packing testosterone in their gonads; short, stalking, hulky, hurly burly, lantern jawed, bow legged beasts that they sometimes are. Basically, those garbage piles can trash your self esteem on a subconscious level by giving you rejecting, dismissive and offensive glares, sneers and stares. If you experience such negativity several times a day or more often, that is going to inform your subconscious that women don't find you attractive, even though these are she-beasts that you are not the least bit interested in.

Paul96's picture

If this were true, wouldn't celebrities never have girlfriends?

AnonFella's picture

Hey man, I came across your blog and I must say this is cutting edge. Really amazing, amazing insight. I myself have been discovering the same things but with different names. Though i've only had one lay and a bunch of make outs in the last 2 years from cold approach. So my application of the principles is really needed to be turned up. But I wanted to say great blog and keep it up you really hit the nail hard on each and every point.

Can you make an article on passive eye contact? Say you walk in a club, what should your immediate aim and vibe be like. If you are not yet in set with a girl, how do you control eye contact. Are you fishing for interested women? Are you avoiding altogether. I find that much of my auto-rejection would happen before I even approach, simply because:

1) I don't know how to reciprocate a woman's eye contact, since I am not sure whether it is positive or negative (its usually very vague). So I end up ignoring it altogether.

2) OR I end up doing extended eye contact showing my full attention to her invitation to the point where even is she was interested and even if I am not NEEDY, in her mind she feels that i must be and becomes obligated to throw up a bitch shield.

So really man can you give me some solid tips and advice on some basic fundamental behaviours I can include in my game, that will avoid her building any resentment to me. And that I can use to then warm sets for approach later.

GodKingMessiah's picture

This is really accurate information unlike the bullshit floating around the web. It makes a lot of sense and really, I just have to apply it consistently now, just this years i've let slip atleast 3 women from auto-rejection related stuff.

Anonymous Fem's picture

Thanks for the fantastic article. I can relate to this very well - there's a guy whom I've [cough] been head over heels for these last...[a while] and there's a strange push-pull between us; recently he didn't pay me enough attention and yes, I went into auto-rejection.
I got here through your "anger" post, which is exactly what I did - I was angry and frustrated with him for seeming just not into me [after flirting with me just the day before!!!]. I felt led on, played. I don't think I was, - it was an emotional overreaction - added to, yes, um, high sexual tension around him....

What I wanted to ask was this: does auto-rejection happen in men, too? Because after I started to be aloof with him, he got aloof and frustrated, angry, irritable around me, too. Despite wanting to spend time together.

Cryptic Male's picture

First of all great article. I think I may have lost chances with some girls because I seemed too much of a challenge or unattainable as you mentioned. However, I think this concept varies from person to person. Some of the best and longest relationships (some over 6 years) I had with great beautiful ladies doesn't seem to explain everything you said here. For example: I personally don't believe in the romantic version of "love". In fact, whenever I had a girl tell me that she loves me, I always answered that "I don't believe in love for philosophical reasons (i am a bit of a nihilist) and I can never love her but I appreciate her feelings for me". But the girls never got discouraged or lost interest even when I said this. They kept loving me and kept saying that they did for years even though they never got the same response from me. And those were very fulfilling relationships. Maybe I managed to show them that I cared in other ways. But my point is there are many girls who don't care if you would love them or want to marry them (extremely unattainable) as long as they have strong feelings for you. Can someone explain this ? Same reason a lot of women fall in love with married "unattainable" men ?

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