How Many Attraction Factors are There? Infinite

One of the biggest obstacles for a lot of men when it comes to improving with women is fixating on the wrong thing.

Much of this seems to come from improper understanding of some of the raw basics of attraction.

When you see guys get hung up on one specific characteristic and blame that as the cause of all their woes with women, like the ones I discussed in “I Can’t Get Girls Because Girls Only Want [BLANK]”:

• Race
  
• Height
• Wealth
• Good looks
  

... it’s because they misunderstand attraction.

And when you see guys become (overly) obsessive about improving in one specific area, like muscles or wealth, it’s because they misunderstand attraction.

So how does attraction work?

Because surely, all these things have some impact on attraction... right?

But then, so do fundamentals.

And game.

So if all of them have some impact, then just how do these things all play together to affect a woman’s ultimate degree of attraction for you?

Attraction: A Ranking of Mate Options

Here’s the way attraction really works:

• There are about 3.7 billion men on Earth

• Every man ranks somewhere in that 3.7 billion in desirability

• Because women have differing standards, a guy might be #19,576,132 for one girl, yet #25,479 for another – a colossal difference

• Of course, that’s assuming every woman was able to gauge and evaluate the mate value of every man on Earth

• The truth is, a woman’s probably capped at seriously evaluating no more than 2,000 men lifetime, and for many women it’ll be a lot less than this

• Chances are, she won’t get to be with her top-ranked men, because they’ll go for someone else (and if she does get to be with him, she’ll feel like the luckiest girl in the world)

• Your goal is not to be Man #1 out of 3.7 billion. Instead, it’s to be in the top 10 or so men out of the 150 to 2,000 men the girl you’re talking to has evaluated

The real question is not, “How do I be better than ALL the other guys I see?”

It is, rather, “How do I get her to actually consider me?”, followed by, “How do I be better than most of the other guys this girl’s ever seriously assessed?”

Both of these questions are answered the same way.

Fractions of the Whole

Having been in the dating advice arena a pretty long time, I’ve had the opportunity to meet lots of guys from every spectrum of the “success with women” curve.

And you know what I’ve noticed, all the guys who blame their failures on a single thing, be that thing any of the traits I listed at the start of this article, or something else completely (“It’s my big nose” “My annoying voice” “The fact that everyone has an iPhone and I don’t have an iPhone”), all these guys, they always suck across the board.

They’re guys who miss social cues, they’re depressing to be around, and you probably wouldn’t invite them to your party if you threw one. And it never has anything to do with the reason they think is the reason people don’t like them, because you’ve got 3 other buddies coming to your party who are exactly the thing these guys say people don’t like them for being.

Here’s their problem: they fail to grasp that attraction is a recipe of a nearly infinite amount of different ingredients all mixed together to produce a final product.

Attraction is contributed to by “fundamentals”:

• How you move
  
• How sexy your walk is
• How sexy your voice is
• How good your eye contact is
• How good your hairstyle is
• How good your body language is
• What your facial expressions are like
• Whether you have attractive facial hair
• Whether you have a good physique
  
• Whether you follow the Law of Least Effort

It’s also contributed to by traits you communicate via “game”:

• Your frame control
• Your skill as a conversationalist
• Your ability to use humor effectively
• Your ability to introduce a sexual frame
• Your ability to lead the interaction forward
• Your ability to handle obstacles and objections
• Your ability to keep the mood going the right way
• Your ability to make her feel the way you want her to
  

It’s also contributed to by myriad miscellaneous traits:

• Height
• Race
• Nationality
  
• Good looks
  
• Income
• Wealth
• Assets
• Worldliness
• Body proportions (shoulders, legs, neck, jaw)
  
• Facial features (big/little ears/nose/eyes/lips)
• Hair (straight, curly, wiry, balding)
• How you laugh
• Social proof
• Preselection
• Intelligence
• Education
• Resourcefulness
  
• Job prestige
• Hobbies
  

... and buckets more, in all three categories (fundamentals, game, and miscellaneous).

All of these things factor in. But how much?

Well, it depends. On the girl, on whether any particular one of these is in extreme supply or demand (e.g., wealth will get you substantially farther in sub-Saharan Africa than it will in Western Europe), et cetera.

In general though, for any non-crazy girls, you won’t see any of these contribute more than 10% to a man’s overall attractiveness score.

And usually the most any one of these might contribute is maybe 5%. Maybe. 10% in extreme cases. Unless you are horribly deformed, mentally retarded (which, if you’ve read this far, color me startled), or under maybe 4’10” in height. Then you may have the case of one specific trait contributing more than 10% to your attraction score, in this case as a detriment docking significant points off your desirability rating.

Even still, you will still generally find some girls who are really into you if you have everything else in good shape. You can be retarded, but still get girls at least sometimes if you’re Forrest Gump.

That’s the problem with guys who obsess over one trait or characteristic though: they never get everything else in good shape.

They never realize that the one thing they’re worried about shrinks to insignificance if they take all the OTHER things they can improve, and improve the living heck out of them.

Ignore the Unimprovable

Some things you can’t “fix”.

Ignore these. They’re irrelevant.

Sure, would be cool if you could fix them.

I’m sure I’d see a boost in my results with girls if tomorrow I woke up and I was richer or taller or handsomer or my nose wasn’t as crooked or skin not as pale or I had blond hair and blue eyes instead of red hair and brown eyes or I had six-pack abs or was an incredible guitar player or piano player or whatever.

Some of those things I can get if I work for them, some of them I never can. *shrug*

There was a time in my life when I worried about some of these things – sometimes a LOT – but that time’s long past, since I discovered enough things I could work on a lot more easily that provided much faster gains to my results with girls.

Worrying about whether your face is too wide or your skin is too brown or your hair is too wavy is not worth the time it takes when you could be worrying about whether you come across with the warm feel of an old friend when she first meets you, or whether you exude the kind of sexual tension that makes panties moisten just talking to you.

When you come across the unimprovable, don’t obsess over it.

Ditch it.

It’s useless stuff, and only there to trip up the lazy and the uninformed.

Don’t let it be your stumbling block too. You’ve got a million other things to improve instead – best to get going.

Chase