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Hot, Sane, Single Girls Under 30 Usually Haven't Had a Soul Mate Yet

Chase Amante's picture
beautiful woman walking down the streetIf she’s hot, sane, never-married, and under 30, it’s good odds she’s never experienced major heartbreak. Why’s this good? It means you can still be her first real, deep love.

On my article "How to Be the Best Guy a Girl's Ever Dated," a reader named Lobster asks:

How many do you think [out of] 10 [girls] have had an exceptional man? And how does [this rate] change [as they] age? Thinking about it, however, the strongest are born already from young people and probably almost all who have had relationships will have someone in their hearts since when they are young they have a lot of time to spend together

I initially read his comment as "what do you think about 10-out-10 girls who have had an exceptional man", before I realized he was asking what portion of women on average have had one.

In this article I'd like to talk about why women hung up on their exceptional exes -- 'alpha widows' is the term that gets used for this a lot (I like this term; it has a nice ring) -- are not really as common as you might think, and why that means the playing field is wide open for you if you are (or are willing to turn yourself into) an exceptional man.

How Women Tame Men, Pt. 2: Tameworthiness

Chase Amante's picture
tameworthinessTaming a man is a lot of work. How do women decide which men are worth the trouble? There’s two things they look at: how tamable they are… and how tameworthy.

A principle challenge for any woman in life is in taming the man she's set her sights on to tame.

While the most tameworthy men busy themselves in their principle challenges of various life pursuits, with little interest on being tamed by a woman, women must find a way to insert themselves ahead of busy men's varied objects and wrest men into tamed relationships.

This is no small task for a woman. Because of the huge amount of time and energy the taming of an untamed man demands, and the risk inherent in the process (i.e., that she may not succeed in taming him, and instead only waste time -- time she could've spent taming another man to build a life and family with; time she won't get back), nature forces women to be selective in the men they choose to attempt taming.

In this installment, the second in our series on how women tame men, we will look at how women decide which men appear 'tameworthy', as well as what can rule men out.

How Women Tame Men, Pt. 1: Approval/Disapproval

Chase Amante's picture
how women tame menAs most men spend time around women, they grow tamer. What causes this effect? The answer is: women themselves… and their leverage of disapproval and approval.

If you look out across the broad range of men, you will discover men of all stripes:

  • Big men and little men
  • Rich men and poor men
  • Attractive men and ugly men
  • Stylish men and gauche men
  • Manly men and girly men

... plus everything in between.

There is one thing you will discover that all these types of men have in common, no matter how they outwardly present:

Most of them, regardless the individual traits of their class, have been tamed by women.

The male sex is a sex particularly susceptible to taming.

A woman is never really tamed. She can be corralled, busied with tasks to accomplish, and made devoted to a man she feels she needs, but she is never tamed.

The female sex is the sex that does the taming.

The male sex is the sex that's tamed.

Yet, some men -- a rare set of men -- remain untamed in their hearts, minds, and deeds.

Why is it that some men are resistant to the taming of women, while most men, of all varieties, are so easily brought to heel?

Why Do Women Have Sex? The 10 Most Common Reasons

Chase Amante's picture
reasons women have sexWhy do women have sex – is it in hopes of a relationship or because the guy is hot? Urges, pleasure, loneliness, experimentation… women’s true sexual motivators may surprise you.

Lately I'm noticing more comments from readers who seem to conclude women have sex mainly because they're hoping for a long-term relationship.

One recent comment seemed to suggest a woman wouldn't have sex at all unless she thought it would lead to a relationship. Any sexual encounter not leading to one, this reader seemed to suggest, was a zero-sum loss on the woman's side of things.

Long-time readers here will know women have a variety of reasons for engaging in sex, and a woman angling for a relationship with a man is only one of them.

I've spooled off women's various reasons for going to bed with men numerous times on Girls Chase before.

Today, however, I figured I'd put some numbers to them.

So, I dug up a 1999 study that examined women's motives for engaging in short-term sexual encounters, including:

  • One-night stands (sex on one occasion)

  • Flings (sex more than once with the same individual)

  • Casual sexual relationships like friends with benefits

I ranked the top 10 most common reasons women say they slept with a new man, and also pulled out a few interesting bonus reasons and looked at how they compare to the top 10.

Put your seatbelt on, because we're diving into the sultry world of female desire.

Afraid to Talk to Hot Girls? Know THESE 5 Key Things

Chase Amante's picture
afraid to talk to hot girlsAre you scared to talk to hot girls? Don’t chicken out for the best-looking chicks. Use these 5 keys to chat up THE hottest girls today. After all – they’re only girls!

On a recent article of mine, a reader named Johnny writes

Hey Chase,

I noticed something in my approach with girls and even socialize.

I tend to hit on girls that are not super cute rather than going for the ones I find really good looking.

It isn't that I'm intimidated by hotter girls. I've eliminated almost all of my approach anxiety. I can chat them up, flirt with them.

But when it comes to pursuing them, I don't. And after drilling my thoughts, I realised that it's really about the fear of failure.

This is a very common sticking point guys have, especially guys who are active socializers enough to recognize their own patterns.

If you're regularly out there meeting new women, you may come to realize you're doing something like this over time: only approaching the 'cute' ones, because you are afraid to talk to hot girls.

Like our commenter, it might not even be that you are intimidated by the girl herself, but that you anticipate failure with her, and fear that failure... or don't even see a point to trying, because you KNOW (or so you think) that of course you will fail.

So you might as well stick to going for the girls you can get.

Well, it might blow your mind, but hot girls go for all KINDS of guys, including guys just like you... at least some of the time.

How're you going to find a good-looking girl who'll go out with little ol' you?

Step number one is you've got to talk to her. Because without that, you'll never get beyond a glance and a smile.

What can you do to get yourself approaching those knockouts and stunners you see, instead of letting them walk on by?

There are five (5) things you need to know that, once you know them, will make being afraid to talk to hot girls, or being afraid to fail with good-looking girls, a part of your distant past.

Women Need a Reason to Have Sex

Chase Amante's picture
women need a reason to have sexWomen need a reason for sex; men just need a place. So goes the saying… but why is this the case? Much of it has to do with the way women experience sexual arousal.

Comedians are often sources of soundbites of wisdom, wrapped up in humorous packaging.

I suppose it harkens back to the old saying that, "Many a truth is said in jest," eh?

Comedian Billy Crystal once made the following observation:

Women need a reason to have sex. Men just need a place.

It's a funny little quote, that both makes an amusing "women are overly complicated / men are overly simplistic" jab at sexual dynamics yet also highlights an important truth.

The truth it highlights is that, indeed, women do not choose their sex partners or sexual situations the way men do. Women always need 'a reason' for physical intimacy to occur.

Secrets to Getting Girls: Feminine Interest Spectrum

Chase Amante's picture

Over the years there has been much discussion of indirect vs. direct game, going for women who are very interested in you vs. women who are only moderately interested in you vs. women who aren't at all interested in you, debates over which women are distractions and time wasters and which aren't, and related other topics.

Underlying all these discussions are various men's assumptions about the workings of feminine interest, alongside each man's preference for the type of feminine interest he pursues and the way he likes to pursue it.

By 'feminine interest', we mean:

  1. What a girl wants
  2. How much she wants it
  3. How directly and aggressively (vs. not) you can pursue that with her

Today I want to give you an easy way to think about feminine interest, that will help to resolve the various disputes between methods, and also give you a new and helpful way to think about the women you set your sights on.

Female Quirks: Women Go Nuts When They Can’t Tell Your Status

Chase Amante's picture
women tell your statusWhen she can’t figure you out, she’s intrigued. When you seem like you might be the man she wants, even more intrigued. Once she’s intrigued, she’ll chase.

If you've used my ball-in-your-court text properly (i.e., the way I tell you to use it), you may have been surprised how often it leads to complete reversals in how women behave toward you.

When used right, the text has something like a 50% return rate for girls... half the girls you use it with, despite them having been flakey or even ghosted you before, pop back on your radar weeks or a month or two later to tell you they're now available to go out.

Why does it work though? How does ONE text change her opinion of you from "I'm not that interested" to "You know what, I think I'd like to see him"?

Or how about the way preselection works, where a girl rejects you, totally disinterested, only for her to see you with another girl all over you a few weeks later, and suddenly Girl #1 is back flipping her hair, parading around in front of you, preening to get your attention. Why does she now care about you, when a few weeks earlier she didn't?

We know preselection has a massive positive effect on female attraction, of course. But why?

There are several factors at play for why these and other techniques work.

However, one of the factors, something that most men do not well understand, is women's need to feel like they have a firm handle on the social status of everyone around them, and how nuts with intrigue it drives them when they suddenly receive a signal that they've read you wrong, and your status and desirability might be higher than they thought.

Women Select Mates Very Differently from How Men Do

Chase Amante's picture
female mate selectionWomen are different from men. They aren’t attracted to the same things men are, and they choose their mates differently than men do.

I spoke with a friend recently about how important preselection is to women's mate choices.

I shared some of the research on it (most of which I've shared in other articles or in One Date) that shows men get a +25% attractiveness boost when women see them with a good-looking girl who is visibly attracted to them... this is a bigger boost in attractiveness than height, good looks, confidence, humor, or anything else women like in men. Having attractive women attracted to you is the single biggest attraction factor there is for men.

My friend noted how he knew this, and in fact it was a big part of his game back in the day, letting women see lots of other good-looking women being very into him. It made hooking up a breeze.

However, he still found it a bit mind-boggling. He's not interested in women with lots of men around at all... it's a bit counterintuitive to a man that women like men who get women.

Recently he tried an experiment, just for the heck of it. He had a couple of average girls who were very into him, yet who he himself was not really attracted to. Just to test it, he told them a few stories about women not wanting him. The result was a complete 180 in their attraction; they lost all interest in him and stopped bothering him.

Imagine a hot girl telling you, "Guys just don't want me." You'd be all over her!

Why's it so totally different with the sex roles reversed?

"It Just Happened": Subconscious Flirtation and Hookups

Chase Amante's picture
it just happenedWomen often claim dates and hookups “just happen!” to them. But do they? And if you’re a man, is there a way to tap into things “just happening” yourself?

We have a member on the forum named Beam who recently committed to an exclusive, monogamous relationship. He has a girl he really liked, but he was also at a breakthrough moment in his game. True to the trend I identified in my article on guys taking girlfriends just as they're hitting game breakthroughs, his girlfriend sensed it and pushed hard for exclusivity, and Beam, figuring she's a great girl, granted her request.

Anyway, we chatted a bit about how he could best maintain his woman skills despite being monogamous. He tried telling his girlfriend he would still approach (whoops), but as you might expect she shot that down fast.

What I said was "you'll be able to flirt in natural settings, but if you try to push yourself to approach, your motivation for that will wane, and you'll probably feel conflicted about it, too."

He replied that that was already the case, and he felt conflicted already doing street approaches... but that flirting naturally with cashiers and checkout clerks or chatting up cute girls at a bar he was out to with buddies felt fine.

He volunteered that maybe because day game was what he was best at, that was why he felt conflicted, since those were the approaches most likely to lead to indiscretions.

That's not the reason though, I said -- it's because a day game approach is a conscious, deliberate one... whereas a flirtation with a cashier or a girl you chatted with while at a bar you were at anyway with friends is not; that, rather, is simply something that just happened.