Calibration Series Pt. 1: What Is Calibration?

You must know how to calibrate yourself to women to excel with them. This means you need to know how to read her signals, punish/reward, persist, and more.

A few weeks ago, I wrote a post titled “How to Tell If a Guy Is a Good Seducer” where I covered some aspects that, in my opinion, good seducers have in common. One of those was having good calibration.

A few days later, a reader (drfeelg00d) asked the following:

“Calibration: Your game is indirect and based on the reaction of the girls. The examples about calibration that you gave in this article are quite basic (no criticism!)...

For instance, on a macro level:

How do you calibrate considering the girls overall personality (shy, outgoing, experienced, inexperienced, young, old, artist or career type of girl etc…) Do you always stick to the same vibe or do you for instance add some aloofness to it, depending on the type of girl? On a micro level:

How do you calibrate to specific responses to you, say, in the beginning the famous red-yellow-green scheme? Then later, if she denies a compliance test, what if she rejects a frame set by one of your gambits?”

These are very good questions indeed. In my opinion, I believe what drfeelg00d refers to as the micro level is the most important aspect. I will therefore discuss this first and put more emphasis on it in this post. I will discuss what he refers to as the “macro level” in my next post.

This post will be pretty content-packed, and I may go a bit too quickly for some. If that is the case, let me know in the comment section if anything is unclear, and I will make a new post to elaborate. A cup of coffee or tea is recommended before reading this one. That said, I think this post is worth your time, no matter the girl, your skill level, or where you meet the girls.

First things first: Regarding calibration. It is one of the hardest subjects to cover, as the nuances are infinite. The best way to become calibrated is through field experience, which entails failing and succeeding – and sadly, most of the time failing. But the end benefits are worth it. Being a smooth and calibrated seducer is so key, and also something pleasurable to become!

That said, this post, in addition to my upcoming posts, will give you clues and advice that will ease up the process. But again… experience… going out and meeting women… there are no other ways around it.

Interest and Calibration

Regarding the “red-yellow-green scheme,” drfeelg00d is here referring to the traffic light system for rating the level of interest in women. “Red” means disinterested, so if a girl is red, she doesn’t like you. “Yellow” is a neutral response, and “green” signifies that she is interested.

It is obvious that her level of interest is the most important aspect of calibration. For instance, an interested girl is a girl you can allow yourself to push things forward with, whereas neutral requires more effort. Red girls are usually neglected, although we occasionally like the challenge.

I have discussed this many times before, but the golden rule is to be observant. Look for her reaction to your advances (whether verbal or non-verbal):

Her reactions tell you whether to move forward, stay put, or back off.

Positive: Keep on going and push things forward.

Neutral: Stay where you are, but be on guard.

Negative: Stop and back off.

It is therefore key as a seducer that you always keep your eyes open to her response. This is the most important aspect of calibration. Always look at her response.

Frame, Not Process

This is a caveat worth mentioning, as this is where many guys mess up. They meet a girl, and she seems very green from the get-go. As a result, they just escalate and try to isolate and seal the deal fast. This is, in many cases, a good idea, but there are many cases where women will show a lot of interest in order for you to get interested in them. In other words, they go up to you, show a lot of (usually sexual) interest in order for you to reciprocate. But what eventually happens is that, once you do, they will disappear because they’ve gotten what they came for.

Guys usually start chasing those girls because they assume they are easy deals, but we all know that women do not like neediness. They usually do not fall for pursuers.

This form of female behavior is most common with party girls and freaks. However, most women usually lose interest when it becomes too obvious to them that the guy is into them. So, even with “normal girls” (if such a thing really exists), they may lose interest in you if you assume them to be green and go full-blown caveman on her.

Therefore, I usually start out by treating most women as “neutral.” I don’t really rush the escalation process too much or overly react to their display of interest. Obviously, with a girl who seems green, the process will be quicker and smoother. But usually, I rarely rush to a conclusion too fast. Now, if she remains green for a longer period of time (about 10 minutes), this caveat rarely applies (she is not “green” to get validation; she is green for real), and I may just seal the deal. But the “interested from the first second” girl will usually be treated as neutral (although with a slightly “positive” element).

However, with green girls, I will use the initial compliance to set the right frames. Girls get validated from you showing interest (e.g., physical escalation and isolating them). However, they do not get validated from you setting the right frames. That said, higher levels of compliance makes frame-setting much easier. Some examples of frames:

• Sexual frames – through sex talk. If she is compliant, sex talk is easier.

• Chase frames and probability – if she has a decent amount of initial compliance, you can use that to enhance her level of interest (compliance) through showing mixed signals to the point where you become the prize (the guy who is chased).

• Display higher value – she will stick to you and listen to your awesome stories, and you will get away with high-status behavior like teasing.

Failed Compliance Tests

She goes from green to yellow? Well, in those cases, I focus on using punish-reward techniques. I usually escalate the vibe and set the frames in a linear fashion – starting light and increasing the pace.

However, key to note here is that she is prone to go from negative to positive (or neutral to positive, or positive to more positive). In this case, you are doing things right. You can see this process as a sign of compliance. This will happen most of the time if you know what you are doing. A positive response to my material is in itself a compliance test. Moving things forward is the compliance test, even though I may use some canned compliance tests, such as grabbing her hand to see if she grabs back, spin her around, move her, and so on (many of these have their own benefits outside of being mere compliance tests).

Other times, you may go from positive to negative, neutral to negative, or things may remain negative. When things remain negative, it usually means she simply doesn’t like you. Yes, in some rare instances, you may have succeeded had you done things differently, but usually not. But neutral to negative or positive to negative can mean you have done something wrong. HOWEVER, do not jump to this conclusion too quickly. Women’s moods are prone to change. There are many factors that can affect her mood, ranging from her being dehydrated, to some asshole pissing her off, to drama with her friends… you name it. If you frequently experience vibes going from positive or neutral into negative, you may have to break down your game and fix the bug.

Back to the lab... you’ve got bugs to fix.

When you try to escalate the vibe (process) and set the frames, and she is non-compliant, you can consider this a failed compliance test.

• Reward: When you face positive behavior (e.g., a passed compliance test), you reward her by showing her interest (touch her more, give her a compliment, etc.). Whatever floats your boat. You may also show mixed signals in order to enhance that positive behavior. However, be aware that you need to balance it out and eventually show more interest than disinterest if her response is positive, else you may risk auto-rejection. This is the rule of thumb. Exception: “damaged goods” girls usually love guys who just keep punishing them and showing them disinterest. How do you know she is one of them? Well, daddy was mean to her, she had troublesome earlier relationships, she does drugs or shows signs of mental illness. But in my opinion, in those cases, it is better to move on. Those girls usually make it very clear that they are damaged goods.

• Punish: If she gives you a negative sign, you show her a sign of disinterest (e.g., stop touching her, ignore her, take a step back, turn your back on her, talk to another girl). The more negative and the more often she gives a negative vibe, the more you punish. So if the vibe is very negative, you punish hard – and eventually eject (and hope she re-engages). If she gives you a little resistance, you back off a bit. If she keeps resisting and gives you small “negative” hints, you may go for a stronger push.

The idea is that rewarding her will enforce positive behavior. If she is into you and gets rewarded from showing interest, she will keep doing it. Now, nobody likes to be punished. Punishing in this case is synonymous with “disqualifying” (reward being “qualifying”) and showing disinterest (reward being “showing interest”). By punishing, you remove her source of validation, and most girls are validation (and attention) maniacs. They love it and strive to get it. Therefore, they will most likely qualify to your desire whenever you disqualify them for bad behavior – that is, if she is at least somewhat interested. If she is not interested at all, she will not qualify. However, despite not being 100% fool proof, you still increase your odds – which is good.

You also display standards and a sense of integrity. You are not willing to accept bad behavior. You are confident about your desires and you don’t put up with crap. This is in itself attractive.

Persistence

Many guys get de-motivated too quickly. They read a negative sign as a rejection and move on too soon. There are many detrimental effects that play in here. First of all, you limit your options, and you may not get the girls you truly desire. Additionally, you miss out on great opportunities. And let’s be honest, you create a crutch. Keep this in mind, even though there are cases where you should move on. I will get to that in a minute.

Pushing Forward

Do not be afraid to push things forward. Always try to set the frames and escalate the vibe. Many guys fear resistance and rejections. I don’t think you should.

Let us start with rejections. Triggering a rejection is never fun, but it can be very useful. Think about situations where you played it too safe (which is usually not very attractive and may in itself lead to rejections!). With a girl who is not really into you, you will be wasting your time. You won’t really be wasting hers, because she will, in many cases, love the validation she gets from you. Getting a rejection sucks, but they can save time and energy. They are also good learning experiences.

Now, I am not telling you to go all caveman on women just to trigger rejections. That is uncalibrated. I am saying make a move, and as mentioned earlier, treat most girls as neutral unless they are in the “red” from the get-go (in which case, you should move on unless you want to work your ass off and still fail... unless you are pro… and even then…). You should always take baby steps and watch her reaction and calibrate accordingly. If she goes ape shit as a result of a small baby-step move, you know for sure she’s a waste of time.

Also, I said baby steps, not necessarily slow escalation. Do small baby steps quickly. For example, you start by touching her elbow, then check her reaction:

Good? Proceed to shoulder.

Neutral? Stay on elbow.

Negative? Maybe the other chick you talked to earlier is cooler?

Now, resistance is something you should absolutely not fear. Why is that? First of all, resistance does not mean game over. Far from it. It just signifies that your pace is off.

Question: How can you calibrate without knowing if your pace is on or off?

Answer: You don’t. Resistance can give you the answer.

So consider moving forward and escalating the vibe (process) and setting the frames as compliance tests. If it works, you’re doing things right. If it doesn’t work that well and you get resistance, you need to change strategy, or change pace. Try changing the pace first, then perhaps change strategy! Maybe instead of escalating, you should move her to the bar. New location, new opportunities.

She resists? Well, punish her a bit and proceed (read the next part on persistence for how to proceed). When you then proceed, you’ll have gathered more information. You’ll better know her limits, her pace, the timing windows, and so on. You will gather information about moves she loves, kind of likes, and hates. Some women, for example, hate being touched on the face. If she doesn’t like it, stop doing it. This is valuable information!

And besides learning key information, you also become more:

• Smooth (sexy)

• Socially savvy (sexy)

• Comforting (she feels safe)

And by making good adjustments, she’ll also feel more allowed to release herself, because she knows you are paying attention to her limits and her pace. This is a super-rare quality in a man. This is truly unique (sexy).

She will relax a lot around you if she can tell you have an eye toward her limits.

KEY POINT: A little caveat regarding the “pushing for resistance” part. I am not saying you will, as a seducer, be dealing with resistance for the rest of your life. I am also not saying that we desire resistance. My point is that we don’t fear it – we see benefits. If you are new or intermediate, you will be dealing with resistance a lot. And the good part is that you will also learn to deal with it, which is vital! As you grow better and more experienced, you will become so calibrated that you will be able to push things forward WITHOUT triggering resistance. Now, you may still occasionally face it, but since you have dealt with it so many times before, you will handle it like a piece of cake.

The takeaway is this: as a beginner, you will be dealing with tough interactions, filled with resistance. But it will pass, and in the process, you will learn a lot. Dealing with resistance is the path to great smoothness.

Persistence

Resistance does not equate to rejection.

Therefore, you will have to persist. We have covered this subject to death here on Girls Chase, but I will add some points that will fit into the framework presented thus far.

First of all, persistence is attractive. Here are some of the reasons:

• It shows that you know what you want and that you are confident enough to go for it. A man who knows what he wants is attractive. Neediness is not (I will cover briefly how to not come off as needy when persisting, as it has been discussed in the past).

• It takes away the guilt from her. Girls want to hook up with guys, but they oftentimes do not want to be held accountable for it. They do not want to feel it is their fault that it happened. By persisting, you become “accountable,” and she can tell herself that it “just happened” or that YOU made it happen rather than her.

• And lastly, persistence is a form of dominance, which is hot.

So persisting in itself has positive effects and makes you display attractive traits.

How do you persist without coming off as needy? Well, remember what we said about the punish-reward mechanism? If you escalate the vibe or set a frame (oftentimes done simultaneously) and she gives a negative vibe (or neutral), you punish. In other words, you back off. You have two choices here:

• Wait till she re-engages by showing a positive sign – this is ideal. In this case, you keep on going. It is recommended that you restart the process you were doing from the beginning. The issue is that the girl may not always re-engage or show a positive sign.

• If she doesn’t re-engage, consider re-engaging yourself. This is, of course, less ideal. However, it is often the best call. When should you re-engage? Usually wait a few minutes (5-10). You should not re-engage with girls who have shown major signs of disinterest.

When to Eject

When should you eject – aka “give up”? My rule of thumb is to give her 3 shots. In other words, 3 signs of disinterest will lead to you appropriately “punishing” her three times and waiting for her to re-engage (or re-engage yourself). If it still doesn’t work out after three strikes, eject. She may re-engage after you eject – if she does, keep things light and slow. The ball is in her court, and she’ll have to commit more for anything to happen with you.

If she gives any major signs of disinterest, or even worse, discomfort – move on. No questions asked. If this happens often, you really need to break down your game, as strong rejections (yeah, hardcore resistance is a rejection in my book) should not occur too often.

Now, this rule of persisting three times is a good one, but if you are an experienced seducer, you may make exceptions. Otherwise, I recommend you stick to it.

Frame-Setting: Troubleshooting

Our reader drfeelg00d also asked how to handle situations where you fail at setting the frames, and what to do when she eventually resists the frames and throws them away. I must start off by saying the latter rarely happens to me, but I will still mention a few words about it. I think this can easily be avoided by setting:

• Frames she is willing to follow – frames she benefits from, frames she relates to, and frames she is comfortable with

• Frames you are congruent with

• And of course, with practice, you get better frame control

Anyway, let us first discuss what to do if she rejects a frame.

• Change the Means: Let’s say she doesn’t accept the frame you offer in a gambit. You were perhaps trying to set a sexual frame through discussing BDSM (as I did in this report). In those cases, you back off (calibration). Then you can use another gambit, such as talking about tantric sex. They both set sexual frames, but they do so very differently. She may reject the first tool you use but accept the second... and if not, the third. However, remember to take a step back to “punish her” and let her breathe. For example, change the conversation before re-attempting to set the frame. Fail to do that, and you will come off as “force-framing,” which rarely works, because it amplifies her resistance.

• Change the Frame: Okay, so you use another technique to set a sexual frame. Or perhaps you decide to use a whole different strategy? Maybe framing yourself as a high-value male may be better? Social proof, for example, works better than sexual frames on certain women (though both USUALLY work great on most women). Or maybe you want to start showing mixed signals (push & pull) and set a frame where you are the prize and she is pursuing you? With the compliance caused by social proof and/or chase frames (where you are the prize), you should be granted the necessary compliance to isolate, escalate, and eventually extract and seal the deal anyway. There are many roads into Rome!

Let her see you chat up other girls, and she’s likely to become more compliant.

KEY POINT: You do not want the change of strategy, frame, pace, or technique to seem like a response to her resistance. This goes for any technique covered on Girls Chase, including when you escalate (escalation, by the way, does set a sexual frame, in case you were wondering). Take a step back, do some small talk, then proceed to plan B (or C). Remember, you got 3 attempts.

Now, if she first accepts a frame then rejects it, you may try to reset it or set another frame. If none of this works out, keep moving on. If women often reject your frames or eventually “dump” your frames after having initially accepted them, you may consider:

• Are the frames you are setting set the right way?

• Are the frames you are setting congruent with your vibe, personality, and the context in which you are seducing?

• During the interaction, you may have displayed incongruent behaviors toward the frame you set (i.e., a dissonance related to the frame was created). For example, you set the frame of you being sexually liberated (a sexual frame), and you thereafter slut-shame a chick; or you may have set the frame of you as the prize, but eventually you started chasing.

• Are there other factors playing in (e.g., she is not really rejecting the frame, but maybe she had a mood change)? Or maybe you screwed up somewhere else?

The Model

We’ve covered a lot of information in this post, so I’d like to reduce this into a simple model that will be easier to remember. I will lay down a few steps for you. Now remember, this is only a model – just an ideal representation of reality. The real world is your guide, but feel free to use this model as a baseline.

Here it is:

1. Always push things forward. Use baby steps, but don’t be “slow.”

2. Resistance? If yes…

• Punish (punishment depends on the severity and how many times she’s resisted).

• Wait a bit. Either walk away (severe punishment), talk to another girl (very severe punishment), or just stop giving the juice and swap to superficial small talk (light punishment). The point here is to wait before re-attempting the process.

• Gather information regarding pace, moves she likes, things she responds well/bad to, try to understand why she resisted, and so on.

• Persist. Let her re-engage or re-engage yourself, proceed by restarting the current process, or consider changing strategy.

3. Rinse and repeat.

4. Give it 3 attempts, and if things don’t work out, move on.

If you face any strong discomfort or strong signs of disinterest, you move on ASAP.

Of course, if she does not resist, keep doing what you are doing. You are on the right track. But avoid becoming too comfortable. By this, I mean do not start playing it safe by stopping moving things forward. That will eventually lead to your ruin. Always push things forward; if resistance occurs, do your best to deal with it.

And remember, even if she responds positively, you still need to keep your eyes open! You may still gather key information about her regarding the pace, what she responds well to, and so on!

Failures, just like successes, provide valuable cues and lessons for the long term. Neither should be disregarded.

Because at the end of the day, that’s what makes one calibrated!

In my next post, I’ll discuss how to calibrate on the macro-level (to steal drfeelg00d’s term). We’ll go over calibrating to different vibes, contexts, personalities, and all that. We will also, in light of our topic of calibration, cover timing (an under-discussed subject – but still VERY key).

Next week’s post is the cherry on the cake and may be of more interest if you are advanced. If you are not, it is key that you learn how to calibrate to her level of interest. This is imperative.

New to calibration? New to pickup and seduction? New to dating? Focus on this first post. Next week’s will be valuable, but this one is the most important. Master this, and you’ll be on a whole new level.

Questions and comments are welcome!

Until next.

Alek