Women with Small Dating Pools | Girls Chase

Women with Small Dating Pools

Chase Amante

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11

dating poolOne of the things that dawns on you after years of cold approaching is that some women are much easier to date and bed than other women are. Further, it dawns on you that the factors that make a woman easier to date and bed are not always ones obvious to guys who don't approach a lot of women.

You learn counterintuitive truths like that very beautiful women are nicer and friendlier to strangers than mediocre-looking women are. Or that the most physically attractive women usually try to blend in more, while the most eye-catching women tend to be lower down on the looks scale but are far more deliberately flashy. You learn it's usually better to move faster than it is to wait around until some girl is 'ready' to date you (which, if it doesn't happen fast, most likely won't ever happen). You discover women have more respect for men who challenge them and ask them for favors than they do for men who go out of their ways to do favors for them.

You learn to look for signs a woman wants you to approach, as well as for signs you should stay away from her. You learn to tell how a girl shows interest in you and which women want you for sex.

Another thing you figure out, sooner or later, is how important the size of a woman's dating pool is to the odds you date or sleep with her.

Chase AmanteAbout the Author: Chase Amante

Chase woke up one day in 2004 tired of being alone. So, he set to work and read every book he could find, studied every teacher he could meet, and talked to every girl he could talk to to figure out dating. After four years, scads of lays, and many great girlfriends (plus plenty of failures along the way), he launched this website. He will teach you everything he knows about girls in one single program in his One Date System.

GET CHASE’S ONE DATE SYSTEM

Comments

Stef aaa sss's picture

But be mindful you (aren't) just another drop in her already overflowing dating pool.
Small typo, do you mean: " you ARE just another drop in her...

Author
Chase Amante's picture

Stef-

Nope, meant as written.

Be mindful you're not one among the many for her. If you are, unless she's responsive to you, keep moving.

Chase

James Hunkie's picture

But Chase, a girls dating pool is always gonna be alot bigger than guys by a country mile.

Author
Chase Amante's picture

James-

Not sure how that's relevant to what we're talking about here? We're talking about screening one woman's dating pool size versus another one's... not so much choosing whether to date a woman or a man.

In any event, male vs. female median dating pools are apples vs. oranges:

  • A man has women he's pursuing or could pursue
  • A woman has men pursuing her or who could pursue her

Most places people go to meet new mates have an overabundance of males. 3/4 people on Tinder are male; women on Tinder therefore have a 3x greater dating pool than men on Tinder. Your average nightclub might be 60/40 men/women, giving women +50% the dating pool there. Then you throw in female choosiness for dating, where you have men running all over the place hoping to get laid, meaning they will go for women all over the map quality-wise, while women themselves are generally a lot pickier. So women most places will naturally have "more choices" of men who are pursuing them than men will have women they are in active pursuit of.

The prolem for women is they have more "poor choices." They get a ton of attention from men they want nothing to do with.

Meanwhile men predominantly only have women they are pursuing whom they are actually interested in.

So we could say that women's dating pools are, on average, larger but lower quality than men's are... meanwhile men's are smaller but higher quality than women's are. On average.

Still not sure how that impacts anything though. Unless you are choosing whether to date men instead of women.

Chase

James Hunkie's picture

Uhhh that's kinda the point Chase. Most men period don't have enough value to even consider women's dating pools in the first place. So trying to indentify her dating pools most of the time is still a losing game. They want high quality men will not consider the other options.

Author
Chase Amante's picture

James-

So if I read you right, what you're saying is something like "Until a man is higher value, he cannot think about a woman's dating pool size."

So like, if your buddy meets an attention whore girl who is constant communication with hundreds of men, and then he also meets another girl who is just as attractive as attention whore girl, but she has a small pool of people in her life and is much more available to your buddy, you're going to tell your buddy "It doesn't really matter which girl you go for, your odds are the same with both, bro" because he isn't high enough value to consider the difference at this point yet?

I'm assuming there's some kind of disconnect here or the way I'm explaining dating pool size is not landing for you. I think if you got your head around this properly the reaction would just be "Oh yeah, that's common sense now that I think about it."

Chase

James Hunkie's picture

The odds wouldn't be completely the sane but around the same. Usually you have to be certain caliber of men to be able to pick up women effectively. Women pools are usually going to be big a pretty big size in a short amount of time if shes reasonably attractive

Bizzy's picture

I don't even think many women with small dating pools exist anymore. Social media and tinder have changed everything. If  a girl actually has a small dating pool, then chances are she doesn't use any social media or dating apps. Now, what are the chances women between say 18-30 don't use either of these tools? It's very low. In 2019 it's almost impossible to tell what a woman does in her free time, who shee meets and hooks up with, chats, talks to or goes on dates with. I know a chubby woman, she is like 35, not hot or bad looking, just average and she says she doesn't go out much. However I recently saw her tinder and she had like over 300 guys liking  or matching her within less than 2 days! Now imagine how many men will flock around her if she goes out or to the gym or even shopping. Her options are way bigger than mine could ever be and I am not a bad looking guy. The better looking a woman is, the bigger her dating pool will be, no matter what she does, unless she is really shy. But then again, I hardly have ever met shy women. Those who appear shy are often enough just stoic because they just don' care for guys they don't like at all. So they act shy. I live in a big city, with millions of people and it seems like almost every woman is an a relationship, may it be a serious one or just a FWB situation. I also met two women from overseas and they were already in relationships with men after a few months. Their boyfriends seem kinda like tall provider guys, you know guys who look like protective biyfriend material. Maybe they are using them.

Author
Chase Amante's picture

Bizzy-

I think you are thinking about dating pool size in terms of "how many men are there who would like to sleep with this woman?"

I'm not talking about that here. I'm talking about "how many men does this woman have whom she would like to sleep with or date who are readily accessible to her for one or both of those things?"

An important thing to understand about large and otherwise less attractive women, when we're looking at this sort of dating pool (available suitors who are sufficiently acceptable to the woman)... they very often have large dating pools to better "play the odds."

There are also more acceptable men in general to them.

If you're a 9/10 woman, the only men who will generally be acceptable to you are 8/10 to 10/10 men. If these guys account for perhaps 15% of the single male population, your max dating pool size is 15% of the single male population.

If you're a 5/10 woman, the men acceptable to you are going to tend to be 5/10 to 10/10 men. These guys account for probably 60% of the single male population. Your max dating pool size is 60% of the single male population -- 4x that of a 9/10 woman.

Now, the odds any given guy is going to pursue you if you're a 5/10 woman is lower. If you're a 9/10 woman the odds a guy you want will pursue you too is much higher. But you also don't need to play the field nearly as much if you're a 9/10 woman, because the average guy you meet is also going to see you as an acceptable long-term mate. Any 8/10 or 9/10 guy you date as a 9/10 girl is probably going to want to date you. And some of the 10/10 guys might too.

If you're a 5/10 woman, many of the guys you pursue are going to pump-and-dump you. That hella sexy 8/10 guy you matched with on Tinder? He's not going to date you. Probably. But he might. If you're ambitious you will take your shot with him. Spread your legs and see if he sticks around. This is how the average unattractive/overweight/otherwise undesirable woman plays the odds.

The way dating pool size works, the more attractive the woman, the smaller and higher quality her dating pool will be. This is how you can have beautiful women who only go on a few dates and don't socialize as much but who end up with a decent quality boyfriend quickly, and then have unattractive women who go on tons of dates and hook up with mountains of men but still "can't find a man." The unattractive women have much larger dating pools, but they maintain those pools to play the odds at landing higher caliber men, most of whom only want a quick shag and do not want to be their boyfriends.

A very beautiful woman (unless she's quite high sex drive or has an unusually high need for attention) will tend to maintain a small dating pool, of only high caliber men she's vetted. She disdains attention from men who aren't high quality enough or aren't useful to her life. She's used to getting attention everywhere she goes, easily, and doesn't need to actively employ a gaggle of men's she's cultivated to provide her it.

An unattractive woman though either has to settle for whatever she can reasonably get (which some make their peace with, and do), OR she can try playing the odds by opening up her dating pool as wide as she can to see if she can wrangle in a guy who should be out of her league but just so happens to be available to her for whatever reason.

Here's a good way to think about it (just some rough estimate numbers here):

  • 10/10 woman's odds of landing a 10/10 guy: 70%
  • 9/10 woman's odds of landing a 10/10 guy: 18%
  • 8/10 woman's odds of landing a 10/10 guy: 7%
  • 7/10 woman's odds of landing a 10/10 guy: 2.5%
  • 6/10 woman's odds of landing a 10/10 guy: 1.2%
  • 5/10 woman's odds of landing a 10/10 guy: 0.3%

(using the 10-point rating scale here for not just looks, but overall mate desirability)

At first glance you might think, "Pssh, no 5/10 woman is going to get a 10/10 guy!" but pay attention to the extreme outliers as you go through life. Occasionally you will meet a woman with nothing going on -- she is unattractive, unintelligent, not charismatic, but her man is a good-looking, intelligent, successful, dynamic guy; or vice versa, the woman is the catch, the man is the dog. How's that happen? Much of the time the dog was dating around a ton until landing the 0.3% chance stud.

Usually it will be more like a 5/10 woman with an 8/10 man, not a 10/10 man -- the greater the SMV difference, the more unlikely the pairing. But you get the point.

If you're a 9/10 woman or a 10/10 woman, it doesn't really pay much to have a ton of suitors, since when a woman opens the flood gates to more suitors, everyone comes pouring in, mostly guys who are in the middle range of desirability. The guys at the top range of desirability (the guys the 9/10 and 10/10 girls are after) don't need to go chasing after every way to get women -- they already have easy ways to get women.

However, if you're a 5/10 woman, opening up the flood gates to suitors means you get flooded with men in the 3-to-8 range all trying to shag you and maybe date you. That's a coup for you -- those 3-range guys, not so much, but the 8/10 guys? You'd never have a shot with these guys ordinarily, but some of them drift into your fishing net when you open it up wide enough.

What you end up with is a situation where the less desirable the woman, the larger she will typically seek to make her dating pool, simply to increase the odds she's able to land an out-of-her-league man.

As you go up in desirability from women, the proportion of "acceptable" mates goes down, and the odds that flooding yourself with mate choices does anything other than fill your time with dreck goes up.

By the time you reach the 9/10 girl, who wants to meet 9/10 guys and 10/10 guys, if she opens up her dating flood gates, she will get swamped with 3/10 to 8/10 guys, none of whom she wants. So she tends toward a smaller, more carefully curated dating pool (which also makes it harder to meet her... part of why usually you will meet a lot fewer 9/10 and 10/10 girls than the sheer number of them there are in society, unless you are doing cold approach or maintain a social circle that has this caliber of girl in it. They are, in general, less involved in larger social arenas, which gives the average man many fewer chances to meet them; they deliberately decrease their exposure to random men so they can focus their energies on select men).

Remember, we're not focused on "how many social media connections does she have", because most of those guys are not even under consideration for a woman as "men I might choose to date."

What we're looking at is how many men, in real life, is she actually talking to, setting up dates with, meeting up with, deciding whether to sleep with and try to initiate a relationship with.

As you go down in looks, on average, you will find a woman tries to do this with more and more men, simply to play the odds and hope to luck into a man much higher SMV than she could ordinarily get.

More beautiful women don't play this game much, becuase they can't land a guy much higher SMV than they can ordinarily get. They're already getting the top SMV guys! Playing the field a lot can only lower the average SMV of the suitors they consider.

Even if you get into elite circles, where 9/10 and 10/10 men congregate, even there you will notice the women who are really outgoing and socializing a lot and going to all the events are the 8/10 women and down. Usually it's 6/10 and 7/10 women you see the most. 8/10 women you see a bit. And 9/10 and 10/10 women are rare. Even if they're part of the group they don't do a ton of socilaizing in it. The 6/10 and 7/10 women are hunting hard for the 8/10 and 9/10 men who attend group events. 9/10 women only need to go to one or two events, meet a 9/10 guy, pair off with him, and they're done. 6/10 and 7/10 women go to an event, get a date with an 8/10 or 9/10 guy, have sex, the guy leaves. So they go to another event, meet another guy, go on a date, it doesn't work out. Go on another date, meet another guy, have more sex, the guy leaves again. So long as they're aiming for men of higher SMV than themselves, they need to keep playing the field and keep their dating pools large.

Chase

1984's picture

It's a very interesting topic. So does it mean that local girls are tougher for local guys in general?

Because the local girls are well settled in their city and hence has a larger pool, and as a local guy you do not have the fresh and exotic appeal that a new guy/foreigner might have?

My dates from cold approaches nowadays are mainly foreign women who arrived in the city, or local women who came back after staying in some other countries for some years. The girls who are more receptive to me are also foreigners or local women who came back after living overseas.

Author
Chase Amante's picture

1984-

Yes, it does mean that. Girls who are new arrivals always tend to be much easier on average than locals.

A big part of the reason why is the dating pool issue: locally established women have larger dating pools of acceptable mates to choose from. New arrivals have small or non-existent pools.

I talked about the topic more here:

Girls Who are New in Town are Easier

Being the guy who's outside her social circle, is a traveler, or otherwise 'doesn't count' and won't impact her dating relationships in her current pool has a shot as quick "nobody has to know" sex with a local girl that is higher than his odds at being the winner from her dating pool, if he can pull that off. Which is why we talk about removing yourself from boyfriend contention and communicating discretion when you want to maximize your odds with girls. It's also partly why men on the periphery of women's social circles do better with them than men who know them well... these men are passersby in the girl's dating pool, and if it doesn't work out since they don't much know the guy and don't usually see him socially they can kick him back out of the pool without scaring off the other fish.

Chase

1984's picture

Thanks for your reply and the super detailed one on larger dating pools for larger (and unsightly) girls.

So the beautiful girls , the 9s and 10s will have a much smaller pool compared to the 5s and 6s and 7s, according to your answer. If we combined with this statement from your original article

"The women most worth the effort for you most of the time will be women with smaller pools."

Then it actually means its more worthwhile, and paradoxically easier to get 9s and 10s, compared to the 5s to 7s? (provided the guy meets the standards of the 9s and 10s)

 

Also as a local guy, if I want to get a local girl who's a 9 or 10 for daytime cold approach, is there any thing I should do/convey in that short few minutes? I imagine I cannot use the traveller card, nor will it be easy to communicate discretion in the first few minutes?

Author
Chase Amante's picture

1984-

Once you cross a certain threshold in value (fundamentals, game, other attraction factors, etc.) then yes, girls at the top tier of looks are often easier to get, and certainly friendlier, than the middle tier girls.

Top tier girls get approached much less in general than middle tier girls. It's like the tattoo effect... men consider tattooed women a lot less eligible as long-term mates, but they're much more likely to approach them, because they think they'll be easier to bed (not without reason... tattooed women are easier!). Tattooed women are easier, less intimidating to try to lay, and men pursue them more. Same deal with middle-tier versus beautiful women. Go out with any buddy of yours who cold approaches and unless he's specifically trained for it you'll notice he usually goes for 'cute' girls and ignores the stunners. Really beautiful girls just get approached less.

They're still not going to be easier for guys who aren't up to their level yet... in general. But you never know when you'll run across a really beautiful girl with a very small pool because she's new in town, or she just broke up with a long-term boyfriend and her friends are all in relationships and she has no regular hang-out pals anymore, or what have you.

And as your own value goes up, you will start to have increasing attainability problems with less attractive girls. Which can make those girls snippier and ruder to you, whereas the prettier girls will be friendly and nice. That's not a given... some guys manage their attainability well even as their value increases, and are able to sleep with tons of middle tier girls, due to the combination of high value + high attainability (for the girl: an out-of-her-league guy who's actually into her and relatable! He's a dream come true...). But for most guys, rising value means the more beautiful girls come into range, while the less beautiful ones cool off a bit toward you.

Chase

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