“How old are you?” gives a lot of guys that deer-in-the-headlights look the instant girls hit them with it. But you have 4 different ways to respond.Let’s talk about a common problem men run into approaching women: the how old are you test.
A woman asking a man how old he is is a test, for reasons we’ll discuss below. Because it is a test, it must be handled like a test – not like an ‘honest query’.
Commenting on my article about why men have to approach / why women so rarely do, Thirty Something says:
In your opinion, what would be the best way to addressing my age in my sets while in person? This is how things usually go:
HER: “How old are you by the way?
ME: “Thirty-eight.”
[Awkward Pause]
HER: “Wow, you give off a much younger vibe. I would have figured you were much younger.”
ME: “What about yourself, how old are you?”
HER: I’m 23.”
He goes on to offer a few ‘age preemptions’ that I would not advise you do, for reasons I’ll break down. Not that preempting the “How old are you?” question can’t work – in fact, it can work great – but your preemption must be done a certain way to not backfire.
Today, I’ll be giving you a full suite of tactics for dealing with age objections… but before that, let’s talk about why “How old are you?” itself is a test.
“How Old Are You” Is a Test
“But Chase, maybe she just really wants to know your age!” you say.
Well, if she is incredibly attracted to you, she is not going to care about your age.
Asking your age is one of the ways she probes to decide whether she should be ‘allowed’ to feel attracted to you or not. It is a way women test to see whether they need to activate female state control (FSC) – a defensive measure where women do not ‘allow’ themselves to proceed with a man any further.
Most guys have experienced it:
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You’re talking to a girl; the girl seems pretty interested in you.
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Suddenly, she stops and asks you your age.
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You tell her your age.
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A sudden change comes over her and she declares you are either too young or too old for her.
That’s female state control – when a woman does something that spontaneously dampens her enthusiasm for you, that is her controlling her state. She is pulling herself out of the interested or attracted state you had her in.
Our goal as seducers is to DISRUPT this process. We do not want her to FSC herself with the age question.
Therefore, we either need to know how to answer “How old are you?” adroitly, or we need to know how to get out in front of the age objection and take ownership of it ourselves.
What to Say When a Girl Asks “How Old Are You?”
We have a few different ways to deal with the age test.
The first is to tell her a little white lie.
The second is age disqualification.
The third is what we might call ‘direct ownership’.
Here’s how each one works.
Fibbing About Your Age
The simplest way to deal with a woman asking your age is to tell a little white lie.
A white lie is a lie that doesn’t hurt anyone.
You’re not planning a brilliant future with her. You’re just having a chat, a little flirtation, and maybe possibly might hook up. She’s probably not going to be your wife. Probably.
The way we do this is to ask her to guess then tell her she’s right:
HER: “How old are you?”
YOU: “What do you think? Take a guess.”
HER: “I don’t know… 31?”
YOU: “Wow, is it that obvious?”
You do not want to just say, “You’re right,” but instead either act a bit surprised that she ‘got it’, or else tell her she’s close, then go a year older or younger.
This works both for younger guys with older gals, as well as for older men dating younger women.
Another example:
HER: “How old are you?”
YOU: “What do you think? Take a guess.”
HER: “I don’t know… 31?”
YOU: “Very close! I’m 32.”
Typically speaking, if a girl is interested in you, the age she gives you will be an age within her ‘acceptable age range’. It might be at the higher or lower end, if she thinks you are a bit older or younger, but it will still be in the ‘acceptable’ range.
Thus, if you are a younger guy meeting an older gal, and she asks how old you are (because she’s worried you’re ‘too young’ for her), then guesses your age is 25, 25 is probably near her lower limit. So you will just tell her you’re surprised she got it, or you will say she is close and that you are actually 26.
Likewise, if you are an older guy meeting a younger gal, and she hits you with the “How old are you?” question (because she’s worried you’re ‘too old’ for her), then guesses you are 33, 33 is probably near her upper limit. So you will just tell her you’re surprised she got it, or you will say she is close and that you are actually 32.
“Hmm, a little bit older, but still acceptable.”I discovered this technique as a 23-year-old who found himself attracting then getting rejected by girls 26 and up over and over and over again living in the city. Girls would be very into me, then they’d ask me how old I was, and the instant I said 23 they’d say, “Oh, that’s too young.”
At my wits end, I decided to just fib about my age… and the very first girl I did it with I slept with. She asked me my age; I told her to guess; she guessed 25; I said 26; she said the same for her, then told me, “Thank God – I keep meeting all these guys who are 23!”
(I ended up having a brief casual relationship with her, and decided to fess up a few weeks later. But when I told her I was really 23, not 26, she would not believe me. “Oh come on! You’re lying to me! Right? You’re joking right?” she said. So I just shrugged and told her yeah, you’re right, it was just a joke. I’m 26. I was forever after 26 years old with her.)
What if you fib about your age and she still rejects you?
Then she was never actually interested and was merely looking for an excuse to reject you.
It happens; you can’t worry too much about it. You aren’t going to catch every fish.
The only downside to this technique: if you end up in a relationship with her and she believes you’re a different age than you are, sooner or later that is going to come up, and it might cause problems.
The sister of a friend of mine, a 22 year old American white girl, was dating an Asian guy with gray hair and wrinkles who’d told her he was 29. I knew upon first meeting this guy there was no way he was 29, but apparently the sister bought it (side note: women will allow themselves to believe almost anything if it helps them get together with a guy they find attractive).
A year into dating, the boyfriend accidentally (or… purposefully?) left his driver’s license on a hall table, and the girlfriend found it, discovering he was 42. She freaked out. She gave him a bunch of drama and briefly (for two weeks) broke up with him.
They did get back together though, so do with that info what you will.
But yeah, maybe don’t use the ‘fib about your age’ tactic with a girl you really like and might consider making a girlfriend. Save it for girls you’ll only have one-night stands or flings with – and don’t fall into relationships.
Age Disqualification
Over on the Skilled Seducer Forum, James Cruse shares one way of dealing with “How old are you?” via age disqualification by telling girls he “usually dates” girls in their age range but slightly outside of it.
For example:
Younger girl asking older guy:
HER: How old are you?
YOU: 32. How old are you?
HER: 18.
YOU: I usually date girls that are 20-25 years old.
Older girl asking younger guy:
HER: How old are you?
YOU: I’m 21. And you are?
HER: I’m 27.
YOU: I usually date women that are 20-24 years old.
The gist is to flip the frame, so that you are disqualifying the girl by telling her you usually go for girls who are close to her age but not her age – in other words, that she does not qualify for you.
When it works, it gets girls to start qualifying themselves, “Well, I’m pretty close to that!”
Personally, I learned this same tactic from a mentor 20 years ago, and used it for a while, but I found that at least for me it just resulted in women auto-rejecting. Our conversations would go like this:
HER: How old are you?
ME: I’m 23. How about you?
HER: 28.
ME: I usually date girls who are 21-24.
HER: Yeah. I think you’re too young for me too.
Your mileage may vary, of course. Seems to work for James, and it worked for the guy I learned it from… just hasn’t ever worked well for me (too many attainability problems).
Instead, I’ve had a lot more luck doing a teasing disqualification where I exaggerate the girl’s youth or dotage to get her qualifying. If she’s younger, I will usually do that by teasing that she must know all the boy bands. For women who are older, I used to do that when younger by teasing that she must be into knitting and afternoon naps.
Optionally, you can also raise attainability by talking about girls you’ve dated who are in her age range – but only after you’ve teased her a bit.
For example (if she’s older):
HER: How old are you?
ME: I’m 23. How old are you?
HER: 29.
ME: That means you’re really into knitting and afternoon naps now, right?
HER: [laughs] I’m not THAT old!
ME: If we were dating, do you think they’d let me visit you in the old folks’ home?
HER: [laughs] I am NOT that old! OMG!
ME: Nah, I’m kidding. My last girlfriend was 32. You’re safe. So what do you blah blah [change topic]
Example 2 (if she’s younger):
HER: How old are you?
ME: I’m 42. How old are you?
HER: 23.
ME: So you know all the boy bands, right? When was your last One Direction concert?
HER: [laughs] I do not listen to boy bands anymore! I’m too old for that!
ME: But you’ve got, like, some of their posters on your wall still, right?
HER: [laughs] I do not! I took those down years ago!
ME: I’m just playing with you. My last girlfriend was 22. You’re fine. So tell me, blah blah [change topic]
At least for me, I find this works a lot better than talking about “other girls I’m dating”, maybe due to the demographics I target (which tends to be girls who aren’t dating around as much). More helpful attainability-wise.
Direct Ownership
If you don’t want to fib, and you don’t like disqualifying girls based on age, there is still direct ownership.
That is where you tell her your age firmly, confidently, and naturally, acting as if it is the most natural thing in the world, then move the conversation on and treat the age thing like a non-issue.
Example:
HER: How old are you?
YOU: I’m 36. You?
HER: I’m 24.
YOU: 24… Hmm. You from here?
HER: I actually just moved to town.
YOU: No way, from where? You sound Southern.
HER: I’m from Texas!
YOU: A cowgirl, huh?
HER: That’s me!
You just keep the conversation moving, as if age is irrelevant (because to you, it is!). Women will often take their cues from you – if you think it’s a big deal, so will she; but if you treat it like a non-issue, she’s a lot more likely to, too.
Some girls will still bring it up later, “Anyway, I think the age difference is a bit too much…” in which case, you will need to switch over into objection-handling mode.
But a lot of girls will simply never bring it up again.
I’ve used this one a fair bit, and the first however many times I used it I always expected girls to call me out on it and return to the age topic – but only a fraction of them ever do. Most just roll with it: you treat it like it’s not an issue, so they decide it’s not an issue.
Test: passed.
Important Note: Don’t Amplify the Age Factor!
Before we talk about how to preempt the age question, first let me show you some of Thirty Something’s ideas in his comment about age, and point out why these are not ideal:
Would better addressing my age be like a preempting that a girl would have a negative response?
HER: “How old are you by the way?
ME: “Thirty-eight. I know, I know, I’m old, I might as well already have one foot in the grave. I should invite you to my memorial. You can talk about how young and handsome I looked for my age.”
HER: [Laughs] “No, no, you’re not old.”
The problem here is that you are amplifying the factor. Just like short guys do not want to say, “I know, I’m really short,” and fat guys do not want to say, “I know, I’m fat,” young guys do not want to talk about how they are young and old guys do not want to talk about how they are old. All this does is put a spotlight on this thing she thinks maybe is an issue and tells her it is, in fact, VERY IMPORTANT.
All of a sudden, age has become the most central point of the conversation.We do not want to do that. We want to either make age as much of a non-issue as possible, or we want to seize control of the frame and position ourselves as the screener (as we do in any kind of age disqualification frame).
Or perhaps I would redirect and not answer until a later date?
HER: “How old are you by the way?
ME: “I’d prefer you get to know me first before I start taking about my age, or ethnicity, or anything like that. I’ll let you know by date number three.”
This makes your age a REALLY big deal!
It’s so big you won’t even talk about it. It has now been amplified up into THE defining stumbling point of this interaction.
It is also taking something that people normally discuss as a getting-to-know-you question and telling her she will not get to know the basics about you until she’s gone on a date (or in this example, multiple dates!) with you. What will you be doing or talking about on these dates, while you hide the most basic information about yourself? Unclear, does not make sense, and worrisome.
Don’t make age the focal point!
Maybe I throw it back on her?
HER: “How old are you by the way?
ME: “We just met and you’re already sizing me up for a relationship? [Laughs]
HER: “I’m just curious.”
ME: “I bet there are a lot of things you’re curious about, but I’m not an open book like some guys are.
Again, this comes across defensive/evasive (like the last example), which amplifies age up into a BIG DEAL. Being evasive on basic questions makes you look very, very shady and drastically lowers trust.
Can maybe work sometimes with a very horny girl who is just looking for a pound, but the rest of the time, if you are blowing up trust with girls over things that should be basic/minor, you will not generally be able to proceed further with them.
Do not do anything that is going to make her dwell on your age, wonder about your age, have to dig in and find out about your age, or anything like that. Age is never an attractant; it is only a potential source of disqualification! We want to move on from age as swiftly and casually as we can.
Preempting the Age Question
The other way that you can go – especially if age is a big issue and you are running into it a lot – is by preempting age questions and raising the issue first yourself.
By raising the age question first, you put yourself in the driver’s seat, as the one who is screening and potentially disqualifying her if you do not like her answer. This changes the frame in a big way… very often to your benefit.
A friend of mine who turned 30 and worried that younger girls would no longer be interested in him decided to do this. Thus, rather than wait for girls to ask him his age, he’d ask them – then, if they answered anything young, he’d disqualify them:
HIM: How old are you?
HER: I’m 22.
HIM: [laughing] Oh my God, you’re a baby!
HER: [laughing but shocked] I’m not! People say I’m very mature!
HIM: Why do they say that?
HER: I read books, I plan ahead… I’m not into a lot of the stupid stuff other girls my age are.
HIM: I see.
HER: How old are you?
HIM: I’m 30.
HER: That’s not that much older!
HIM: I don’t know, 8 years is a pretty big gap.
HER: It’s not that big.
HIM: Okay… so what do you do for fun, Miss Mature?
HER: Well I blah blah blah
As you can see, this is another version of our age disqualification tactic.
However, rather than disqualifying her after she asks us, we are preempting the age question entirely, by asking her age, then disqualifying her before she even knows our age.
The neat thing is this gets her racing to qualify herself as ‘older’ and ‘mature’ first, so by the time she finds out your age, what she is really doing is finding out how old she needs to qualify herself as being ‘mature enough for’.
If she is qualifying herself as ‘mature enough’ but it turns out you are two or more decades older than her, now she has to try to qualify herself as being able to understand someone your age; e.g., “I’m very close to my professor, and she is that age. We have a lot of good conversations, too; it is not just classwork.”
At some point, you ‘accept’ her (“I suppose you sound like you’re fairly mature”; or even just a simple “Hmm, okay”), then you change the topic.
Age will not come up again.
(For the record, my friend who was preempting the age question like this eventually switched to not bothering, and just using direct ownership if girls asked – he concluded that most girls didn’t even care about his age, which is what most guys with solid fundamentals end up discovering. Nevertheless, if you are getting age objections a lot, and are having trouble handling them other ways, try preempting the question and disqualifying her yourself. It can work very well.)
Conclusion
Make the age factor irrelevant, and you can get the girl.I hope you never show this article to a woman, because most women will tell you that “Age is very, very IMPORTANT!”
Then they will yell and scream and holler about how the stuff in this article is ‘unfair’ or ‘not right’.
Here’s the thing: the girl who rejects you for being “too young” or “too old” has also hooked up with guys younger/older than you. Women often do not even consciously register this disconnect themselves. You see it most often when YOU are the one sleeping with them, then find out they rejected some guy due to ‘age’ who has less of an extreme age gap with them than you do.
e.g., you are 40, sleeping with a girl who is 25, and she tells you some guy was hitting on her but she told him he was too old for her. You ask how old he was, and she says 34. So you laugh and tell her, “That’s six years younger than me!” and she looks confused and says, “Yeah, but you’re different!”
Women place men into completely different categories, based entirely on how they FEEL about the man. Your reality-based age is not what actually makes her feel things. It is the way you handle any potential age objections mixed with whatever her starting objections might be that does. That is what makes her FEEL.
That’s why you should always treat “How old are you?” as a test.
Handle it right, and the vast majority of the time even a large age gap will not be an issue.
Of course, that is not to say that she will be attracted to the rest of you. You still need to attract her beyond the age question. But, at the very least, you will not get hung up on age itself!
Your friend,
Chase Amante
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