Social Acceptability and Sexual Acceptability in Dating | Girls Chase

Social Acceptability and Sexual Acceptability in Dating

Chase Amante

Hey! Chase Amante here.

You've read all the free articles I can offer you for this month.

If you'd like to read more, I've got to ask for your help keeping the lights on at Girls Chase.

Click a plan below to sign up now and get right back to reading. It's only 99¢ the first month.

Already a GirlsChase.com subscriber? Log in here.

9
social and sexual acceptability
The more acceptable a match a woman thinks you are for her, the better your odds with her are. Here's what you must do for her to mark you 'acceptable'.

Since I started this website, we've always stressed the importance of fundamentals. Fundamentals range from your posture, facial expressions, and voice, to how you walk and move, your hairstyle, your facial hair, your clothes, your fitness, and physique. Also included: social fundamentals like sprezzatura, and how well you stick to the Law of Least Effort. All are great, and you will do better with women the better you get on each. But why are they important?

Fundamentals help so much because they make you more attractive. Get your fundamentals good enough, and you can even overcome your disadvantages. Girl doesn't usually like men of your height, weight, race, job type? Get your fundamentals good enough, and it becomes "Wow, you're not like the other [whatever you are]!" Why would this be, though? How do fundamentals overcome deep-seated biases in partner choice?

The way fundamentals do this is by raising either (or both of) your social acceptability or your sexual acceptability. Acceptability is a topic Alek's been discussing in his "Female State Control" series, under the name of 'social frame'. I want to unpack this concept more here, and look at a few of the different ways 'acceptability' can go. Because not all sorts of acceptability are created equal.

Chase AmanteAbout the Author: Chase Amante

Chase woke up one day in 2004 tired of being alone. So, he set to work and read every book he could find, studied every teacher he could meet, and talked to every girl he could talk to to figure out dating. After four years, scads of lays, and many great girlfriends (plus plenty of failures along the way), he launched this website. He will teach you everything he knows about girls in one single program in his One Date System.

GET CHASE’S ONE DATE SYSTEM

Comments

Risenin2019's picture

The sexually acceptable dude is pretty fucking ugly. My thoughts are he is in Brazil or southern Europe where they worship whites and pale guys so maybe he gets away with a pube-beard.

patrick7star7's picture

Hey Chase. Hue from the boards here. Absolutely love this article. If you have a moment I would appreciate feedback on a recent situation I had.

I recently made a bit of a fuck up when I was out doing night game. I ran into a girl who I know from an old social circle (one of the hottest and most sought after girls) when the whole social circle was out. The men in this circle have a strong social approval of me, but the girls are aware of my reputation and things have become polarized amongst them.

The moment I walked up to the group the men fought for my attention, except the leader of their group who had this sexy girl's ear. In my eyes, he was the man with the social acceptability in this situation.

As I continued to say hi to people, the women of the group began talking to and flirting with me. I felt in control and that I had sexual acceptability given the progress in my fundamentals in the past years, as compared to when I had closer ties to this group.

I make my way over to the sexy gal and we begin talking. The other guy (socially acceptable) left us alone, and eventually (after some shit tests) her girls left us alone. I've been kicking myself about not sealing the deal and inviting her home, because I instead went for the "pop in, pique her interest, making quick & interesting conversation with touch... then get her number for a one on one later and disappear". Unfortunately, she never answered my texts even after persistence. 

This entire situation was probably only about 5 minutes of my time. 

I really think I should have just invited her home, but that's beside the point.

Given that there was a socially acceptable man there, the "get number for a one on one" held little weight because it wasn't congruent with my vibe and "method" in fundamentals. I was there being a more sexually acceptable man, and with his more consistent group association, he was the more socially acceptable one. So, it was my job was to be more aggressive and to invite her home that night. Instead, I played into more of a social frame with discreet plans for later. In doing so, my sexual contrast to his more traditional, socially accepted method lost some of it's power.

This came rushing to me as I read more of the article, what are your thoughts? I think what I did lacked congruency and you did mention how important that can be.

In general, are there some common situations when one outweighs the other?

 

Hue

Author
Chase Amante's picture

Hue-

Yes, it's actually a pretty common problem guys run into, especially while still developing their game. They paint themselves as sexy guys, then suddenly ask for something the socially acceptable guy would ask for. She's getting excited and turned on, then he... asks her out to a date later that week. Huh? Incongruous.

Five minutes is a pretty short time to pull a girl in. It's possible to do, and since you knew her that makes it a little easier; might've been worth a try if the vibe was there. However, another option you have that's a happy medium between the two is to take her number and try to meet up with her later that night: "Hey I don't know what you've got going on tonight. But after everyone else heads home we should grab some wine. I have these great chocolates from Belgium I know you'd love at my place."

Even if she doesn't come for that night, the fact that you've gone for it allows her to keep seeing you in that sexy guy light, and makes her more likely to come out to meet you on a later date because she's still excited about you.

Chase

Tayshi's picture

Hey Chase,

How would a natural behave in a group of girls if another guy was present and that guy happens to have some natural attractive advantage over him?

Author
Chase Amante's picture

Tayshi-

Naturals aren't any different from other men in that some of them handle peaceably and some prefer direct confrontation.

A top level natural who's aged out of tooling other guys will welcome the guy in, be friendly, and treat him as if he is the king welcoming a visiting noble to court. This grants the other guy social status, while maintaining the reigning natural's status as top dog. He looks gracious, unthreatened, and will tend to inspire respect in the guy he treats that way too.

A natural who still likes to tool guys, or who tries to be gracious but is rebuffed, or who is dealing with a guy with some natural abilities but who isn't "playing the game" socially (i.e., he's not being cool / is ignoring social decorum and going straight for the girl the natural wants, or is trying to social ladder climb the natural), will undermine the other guy in whatever way is usual to him. Some use humor and will joke about the guy to the girls and get them to laugh at him. Some use physicality and will manhandle him to make him look and feel insignificant. Some may critique him to try to get a rise out of him and make him look insecure. Others may just close him out with body language or physically move the girls away ("Come on girls, let's go!").

So, lots of ways it could go. But basically: so long as the guy isn't coming for Natural #1's status, is of benefit to the mood of the group, and isn't going for the specific girl Natural #1 wants, he'll be an asset. There are few enough naturals that in general naturals are very happy to meet other cool, socially aware, socially skilled naturals who can improve the vibe rather than hurt it -- these guys are worth getting to know, and are somewhat rare finds. Many naturals also like to find guys who are semi-natural and at least know how to not screw up the vibe or step on the natural's toes, as these guys can be trained. A natural wants to have a good time and have a lot of women around, and you need more than one cool guy to do that much of the time... so when he can find guys worth befriending, often he'll want to befriend them. But only guys who get the social rules and aren't hurting the vibe, trying to climb over him, or trying to muscle him out of the way to take whatever girl he has his eye on.

Chase

Jimbo's picture

I think if you're high-status enough, you'll automatically be both socially and sexually acceptable. If you're some hot shot musician for example - even some fruity, mellow popstar - it'll be seen as "acceptable" by everyone for the girl to both jump in bed with him the first night and be seen socially with him.

Btw the guy on the floor looks like an older Hector Castillo.

Author
Chase Amante's picture

Jimbo-

That's an interesting point.

Although... I wonder a bit. Let's say Jane Doe is dating Jimmy Rockstar. There've had some pictures in the tabloids with them as an item and now the people who work in Jane Doe's office are starting to talk. How will they react?

Some will think it's cool. I think you're also going to find some of them saying "You know he's just boinking you, right Jane?" Others are going to say "What are you doing with some drug-abusing rock singer? Don't get sucked into that... don't ruin your life. You have a good career."

I think she actually will face social disapproval from a lot of people, who view him as socially unacceptable for her.

Among the guy's fans, I think yes, you can have a situation where he's both sexually and socially acceptable.

Among non-fans, it's going to be more mixed, depending on whether they think Jimmy Rockstar is a socially acceptable mate for an office worker or not.

And, funny note on that guy in the pic. I didn't see it at first, but I think I can see it now ;)

Chase

Add new comment

The Latest from GirlsChase.com