Are You a Unique, Special Individual? You're Probably Missing the Basics | Girls Chase

Are You a Unique, Special Individual? You're Probably Missing the Basics

Chase Amante

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unique special
Sometimes you don’t want to follow the instructions. The instructions are for other folks, not you! But if you still aren’t getting results, maybe it’s time to change things up.

Over the years, we’ve seen myriad guys come and go who struggle with a specific problem. These guys are among the most frustrated folks we see at Girls Chase. Not only are they frustrated themselves, but they frustrate everyone who tries to help them, too.

You see, what they want is a magic pill. They want you to tell them how to do everything you teach guys how to do – only they want you to teach them to do it faster and easier than how you teach all those other guys how to do it.

It doesn’t matter how fast the method you’re teaching is. It could take two weeks to work; they’d still want to know how to do it in four days. When you finally persuade them to put the work in, they take a couple of half-hearted shots at it, all their dreams don’t instantly come true, and they give up. It’s too hard, they’re too unmotivated they say. Then they want you to motivate them. Or, even better, give them some kind of shortcut you haven’t told them about before.

We’ve seen it a lot on the discussion boards. Some of the guys we banned in 2017 were long-time members who kept asking for magic pills, chafing at the suggestion when other members suggested they start with the basics, then whined about how hard it was and how unfair their situations were.

And I wondered to myself: “What the heck is these guys’ problems? Why can’t they just do the work and quit whining about it? Why do they ask for magic pills over and over and over again? They’ve GOT all my stuff – and all everybody else’s stuff – right here on the darn site!”

Sure, there’s a lot of material here, and it can be hard to know where to start. That’s why we have the quiz and our programs, though. Both of those are condensed information that takes you through a guided process. There’s also the newbie assignment on the boards, which only takes 14 days and a little courage to do. We have paths for guys who are new and want to start getting results. But some guys don’t take them – then not only don’t they follow the paths we’ve laid out for them, but they continue to complain about not getting results anyway. What’s going on with people like this?

Well, as it turns out, a piece of scientific research fresh off the presses (published at the end of December) has figured out what’s going on with people who do this.

Chase AmanteAbout the Author: Chase Amante

Chase woke up one day in 2004 tired of being alone. So, he set to work and read every book he could find, studied every teacher he could meet, and talked to every girl he could talk to to figure out dating. After four years, scads of lays, and many great girlfriends (plus plenty of failures along the way), he launched this website. He will teach you everything he knows about girls in one single program in his Mastery Package.

GET CHASE’S MASTERY PACKAGE

Comments

Michael   Carr's picture

Chase, thank you! this website over the past 7 years or so has changed my life and i needed this advice. thank you, i hope one day we get to meet. it turns out we have a mutual friend from Ireland named Tom!

-Michael

Author
Chase Amante's picture

Michael-

[throws Michael's email into customer database... whoa, there he is - a long time ago!] Hey man, way cool you've been around here so long. I'm exceedingly glad you've found it life-changing.

I only know one Tom in Ireland, so it's gotta be him! Irish Tom is good people.

~Chase

SZ's picture

Hey Chase, hope you can read all this on why I am the way I am, and my side on things. I would appreciate it a lot.

I will admit that I half-ass things, as in I expect to be better in something within a time frame I find reasonable, or a catch a lucky break.

There are points I do agree with, it seems that I have to talk more, I hate talking to people I don't know because it feels like I have to be on point, especially with women, when I try to do that I'm in my head a lot, nervous, and feel like I can't mess up, or she doesn't want to hear what I have to say, which I will admit I feel.

So I will try to talk more.

I never felt entitled I was better and I can get past steps, I do feel entitled to lucky breaks tho. I feel that it's justifiable because you should have a girl sooner or later that will like you and sleep with you dispite not being that good skillset wise.

I feel that way for anyone doing anything, someone has to have that lucky break or they will go mad. If someone works on something for a long time and gets no breaks, why would he continue? Or not go mad?

My 3 main problems.

1. Fitness
2. Money
3. Women

1.With fitness, there's times where I would be on a diet for a while, lost weight, gained strength, but looked exactly the same.

So sometimes I say fuck it.

2. With money, I have had nothing, but low paying jobs for years, and applied to many jobs out of the ass with very, very few job offers, I can tell you know all of the job offers I got, anyone can do.

I am well spoken, have worked hard on my resume, even paid money for big interview, studied it, I'm educated and I'm even trying to go back to school to learn more. I even networked with people from companies that still didn't hire me. So with money and a job, I need my own way to make money, the job is just for safety and pay bills. I'm going back to school to get a better one so I can make more.

My main gripe about this is that I know multiple people who have better jobs than me from the same job I worked with before. They didn't do what I did, I'm sure they didn't purchase anything to help them get a job, they don't have any crazy skills, I know for a fact because I know these people personally and we worked the same job.

They just got lucky, they applied and got hired. I know these people, talk to then and asked questions.

My thing is sure, I don't have many skills, but they don't either.

I have applied to 100s of jobs to only receive a call back from 3 shitty ones, beggers can't be choosers right? Sure, but I already took on those other shitty jobs, I can't pay bills with them, so I need something better.

I'm the way I am because why can't I just get a job where I can just pay my bills and then be able to devote time to learn skills and towards my education ?

Most of those people I worked with don't even have degrees, and if they do, it sure ain't STEM, it sure ain't in something they're doing now. Others just have a high school diploma and only experience from the one job I had with them.

And the funny thing about my shitty jobs ? Not only did they pay like shit and I worked under 25 hours, I was forced to leave those jobs, no matter what I did, atvthese baby jobs, it wasn't good enough, so I had to leave them.

I remember an article you wrote and in one part was a made up story, ( i dont remember the exact details) but it was about a guy who had to feed his family, he couldn't find work, so it would be understandable that he would sell drugs to feed his family. I won't do that, but you catch my drift.

I'm going super crazy about my education too because I want to do STEM, but I'm so horrible in math and I tried to hard to understand it I have wasted time trying to get better that I couldn't dispite my efforts. I'm afraid if I can't do STEM I might be a failure. I Don't want that to happen. I want to be successful.

I think that me going crazy is justifiable for this because I have going through with this for many many years.

3. Girls, I do admit that I have a negative mindframe in general. My whole life I have been dealing with shit that I feel I didn't have to, or I never catch a break, and I know this deals with women because like you said mindset.

I admit, I have mostly tried to dance with girls instead of talked, mostly of of instinct, I absolutely hate talking.

I'll admit that I have yet to do day game because like I said I hate talking and feel I would get rejected anyway.

Haven't tried online much.

But I will say, there's times where I have went to the club 3 times a week at times for about a year or 2 and didn't even get one date. I also talked to them or just danced. I guess I talked because I went out so much, I tried more. I have to do that again. But you don't think a guy doesn't deserve to get some type of break after doing this? Even a damn date !?

And I will admit that I do half-ass it and don't take it seriously to the point where I go out other than the club to approach women, it's still a foreign concept on my mind, and that I will just waste both my time and women I approach.

I will change that.

When it comes to girls, it'd be high on my list, but the other two are higher so I can be better with taking care of myself, then focus on women after, but not having achieve those and women also makes me go crazy.

I have nothing to fall back on and be happy, everything is a struggle.

An example are the some guys I read on the forums crying about women or something being unfair, but guess what? They at least have good jobs most of the time, they can take care of themselves.

That's my main thing with all of this anger and rage. I can't do good with anything? Am I that bad I can't do any of these things right?

I will be honest with you and say that with girls, I have not went hard enough, but the other two I know I ain't half ass them at all.

That's where all of the time wasted comments come from, I am do pessimistic and have victim mentality, and depression because most of the time, things don't go my way at all. I have had no break at all with these things.

I really do feel that having dealt with that makes it reasonable why my mindsets are so fucked up. It's more than girls, way more, if those other areas were handled at least halfway, I could actually focus on women more instead of worrying about making money or being on a diet.

Then I always talk about age because I'm getting older and older and nothing has gotten better, only worse. I was in a better position 5 years ago than now. All I have now is debt.

Some people can be happy and not achieve success, not me at all.

But like I said before I never believed that I shouldn't have to work as hard as other people. I understand that, the women thing sure, I can work harder.

The other two, mostly money. I have no choice but to try to make a lot of money fast, I made low money too long. I took the slow path with money, where that get me?

I'm not complaining just telling my side of the story and my view on things.

If you have an opinion let me know.

I had a few questions too.

1. How do I finally get some lucky breaks here and there dispite all my efforts? When do they come? I've been waiting for years.

2.. What is described as half ass attempts? How much harder do I have to work on these things? Most of my problems I did not half-ass in my opinion, maybe you view it different.

3. When you said I was obsessive, could you explain what you mean? That's the only description I was lost about.

4. Just wanted your opinion on college opportunities with women. Would you say if I worked I would miss out greatly with getting valuable experience with women, if I worked full time?

My friend makes it seem that way and has even told me to take out a lot of loans in order to go during the day time where women are abundant, then he said to join a frat (very time consuming)

I just wanted to know your perosnal opinion on the college opportunity with women and if I will miss out greatly if I go to night Classes Instead Of day.

Thanks

Author
Chase Amante's picture

SZ-

Yeah, I know... well, it is tough if you never catch any breaks.

But you're also an unreliable narrator! As you said yourself (and is evident in your post), you are depressed, have victim mentality, believe you're entitled to breaks, etc.

There was a point in my life when I was depressed, had victim mentality, believed I was entitled to breaks, etc. And anyone I talked about it with would hear how I never, ever caught any breaks ever, how nothing ever went my way, how it was me versus the entire world.

Only once I was out of it and my mind was clear of all those toxins was I able to look back and say "Man, that was a major break right there... but I just shut it down. And there was a break there! But I thought I was too good for it. And god damn how did I miss that break. Wow, Old Chase was a goddamn idiot." But of course if you pointed any of those breaks out to that old version of me, he'd have shut you down; he couldn't do it for that reason, or he didn't want that, or etc.

You're doing the same thing I used to do here. Either you can't get it, or you don't want it. See that? "I can't get X and I don't want Y." I guess what helped for me was eventually I decided "Well, I am either going to have to live with Y for now, or I'd better start going step by tiny step until I am able to get X." But that's a mindset shift - a major one, from "I can't get" and "I don't want" to "I guess I'll have to live with" and "I'd better figure out how." I don't know how to teach that any better than I have in the articles I've written on it. Though as I'm sure I've noted before, with a particularly hard case (like the way I used to be), there is just no convincing the guy. He needs to find the path on his own. There's nobody who could've convinced me of anything, short of a PUA master popping into my life and forcing me to get laid with girls or a master businessman hiring me to his business and forcing me to learn skills I could use to make money and then go use them, etc. And of course when you are a low level guy who is defined by "I can't" and "I don't want" these people are not going to pop into your life and devote a bunch of time to you.

When you said I was obsessive, could you explain what you mean? That's the only description I was lost about.

You have been on here for years, asking the same questions over and over and over and getting the same answers but asking anyway, over and over.

The college stuff I cannot answer. You are just going to have to make a choice (and live with whatever choice you make). It's part of life, man - we all do it.

Chase

Lawliet's picture

Hey Chase,

Happy New Year Chase!
Hope everything in your business is going well!
I'm personally excited for what this year has to come...since I'm starting to get down my sexy vibe, but still need tons of work.

Thanks to your email on "We are not a light switch", it helped a lot in getting that flirty sexy vibe.

I had a time when a girl and I made eye contact, I did the bedroom eyes with a smile, and she looked away and then "flinched" looked back (double take), and stared. She was with her mom, and her mom walked, and so she followed and looked back again (third time) to see what's up...

It was almost like she's confused. I don't know. But I guess something worked?

It's cute and silly to see these kinds of things, but I don't mind them happening more ;)

Re: Passing her screening tests

I was reading your "Tactic Tuesday: How to deal with her text screens".
Makes me wonder, "How to deal with her DIRECT screening on dates or approaching etc.?"

Like "Do you have a job?"

We aren't talking about indirect screening "I like guys who gets promoted and have good job prospects"
in which we can reply, "I got promoted to sole manager of the cleaning crew at my workplace!" in a playful, yet sexy way with improv and playing along.

But if they're being direct and grilling you, can't really sidestep them with improv.
Do you have a job?
Ummm no, I quit lately

Oh ok... (Good bye)

Ummm bye!

And of course, the ultimate solution would be topping our sexiness so we don't get these screenings.
But in the situation of getting them, how do we pass them (without going into boyfriend and answering directly to qualify to her screens...which I don't like)

Re: Attainability / Value
In the same article, you mention about "low attainability can get her disqualifying you over text"
And then you followed with an example : "So you really don't have a job? :/"

But isn't low attainability when she feels you're out of her league?
Whether or not you have a job, sounds more like "Value", characteristics in a man she looks for, checkboxes for, and hence, "valuable to her". And if she doubts that you have a job, and that's a characteristic she looks for, doesn't that suggest you're low value, and hence, high attainability?

This can be shown in your "Dialing down your value volume" where you said men show "TOO MUCH VALUE" by showcasing their accomplishments and job aspects. So having these "job" or meeting her checkboxes are indication of value... Then why does this disqualification happen when you have "low attainability" as opposed to "low value".

I'm a little slow so if you can clarify for me the definition here would be great.

Thanks Chase,
Lawliet

Author
Chase Amante's picture

Lawliet-

Happy New Year!

You're talking about what we might call 'hard screens', where the girl is very tenaciously screening you for something. You're either going to give her the answer she wants, in which case you 'pass' the screen but risk looking like a suckup, or you won't give her the answer she wants... in which case you are done.

Anything like this is about frame control. If her frame is stronger than yours, she wins. If your frame is stronger, you win.

e.g.,

Her: Do you have a job?

You: [devil may care expression/tone/mannerisms] Why would I want one?

You've not actually answered the question (though implied you don't have one... but it isn't definite). But you have out-framed her.

If she's not interested in you at all, she won't stick around. If you absolutely have to have her, then you need to verbal ninjitsu her into sticking around. Which you won't really be able to do until you're pretty advanced with girls.

But if she is interested, she'll get sucked in: "Jobs are important!" As soon as she's doing that, you're in a good place. She's backed down off the screen somewhat.

Re: Attainability / Value
In the same article, you mention about "low attainability can get her disqualifying you over text"
And then you followed with an example : "So you really don't have a job? :/"

But isn't low attainability when she feels you're out of her league?

The purpose of auto-rejection is to protect someone from feeling like you are out of her league by getting her to reframe you as below her league. This is why when your attainability drops too low, girls become disdainful.

It is a case of "Oh, you think you're better than me? Well *I* am better than *you*!"

She needs to establish some way in which she is superior, to be able to justify it to herself ("See, actually I was the one who rejected him. Because he isn't good enough for me, that's why").

Chase

BMontana's picture

Hey Chase, happy new year to you and your team! :)

Your article actually made me realize on thing: If I had to choose between the basics/having game and being natural attractive (looks, status etc) yet with less game, I still might choose the latter. Having game and basics is great and you can use it a lot but having too much knowledge about women , their mindset and the dating world can become like a burden. The good looking goof might still be happier in life, cause he he gets all the attention first, no matter what. He will also think that his looks and kindness is all what women care for (and probably his money) and even though he will be crashed at one point in life, he will say to himself not all women are like this and still be happy.

Well it's like, when you discover that Santa does not exist. Aren't you disappointed? I bet most of us have been disappointed. You spend weeks, maybe months or the whole year to behave like a good son in order to get gifts and then you realize Santa didn't get you anything, because your parents couldn't afford him anymore. lol

What I am saying is, knowledge can destroy your illusions, dreams and hopes but it can also rescue you from suffering big heartbreak. That's why I believe most guys who need Pick up, Blogs like GC etc. are guys who first always lacked of the natural attractiveness in the first place and that's why they lacked of confidence as well. Even when they become more attractive through the years, physically and mentally, they still fear to lose and get heartbroken sooner or later whereas the natural attractive guy probably never really had to work on himself at all (except for going to the gym, if at all). His game might suck but he is probably more confident and happier. I don't think guys like Brad Pitt have game at all. He comes off pretty boring to me. But women still go for him or his type of male, if we exclude him being a rich celebrity. So I guess most guys who have game but lack in other areas like looks, height and social proof are still jealous about the natural attractive guy. I guess there are rarely popular hot good looking guys with game because the good looking guys with less game don't need to sit here hours and hours and read about the female mindest. They are too busy going out and sleeping with them. And sleeping with many women is probably the best lesson anyway, it will tell you a lot about women. The only problem is that those guys who sleep around a lot might alos be a little naive as well but they are still happier in life. So I can understand why many newbies on this site lack the ambition of learning the basics and going through failures many more times until they got it.

Just my 2 cents. ;-)

Author
Chase Amante's picture

BMontana-

Good perspectives.

I can tell you that's for sure a big chunk of guys who read dating advice sites / pickup / men's sites / etc. The guys who have it the hardest tend to be guys who are 'deprogramming' from a prior set of firm beliefs about women.

e.g., when a guy never bought into mainstream narratives and finds a place like this, he's a kid in a candyshop. It's all good, useful, amazing, and hopeful.

But when a guy believed in a more utopian, idyllic world, a place like this might seem dark. Suddenly the utopia is out of reach. You get that "no Santa" emotion.

So I guess it depends on your start point. Going from "Utopia is real!" to "Utopia's not real but here's some cool stuff you can do" is much worse than going from "Utopia is not real and I can't do any cool stuff" to "Utopia is not real but also here's a bunch of cool stuff I can now do!" Both guys end up in the 'same' place, but to one it's a big improvement and to the other it's a step down.

(seems like for a lot of guys coming from those more utopic belief sets, they can eventually get past those and enjoy what they've got. Although it does seem like some of them sort of hang onto the utopia forever and resent it not being real forever... you'd obviously want to get past it ASAP if you realized you entered in with too utopic/idealistic views, of course)

Thank you for sharing. Lots to think about here.

Chase

Robinhood's picture

Lol on the same line a girl i was dating recently said to me in a frustrating way.. "you know what your problem is? You know too much" :D what do u think about that Chase and whats a good respone to that lol i mean when the girl knows that u know

SZ's picture

I vow to change, and I want my situation to be better than its ever been in the next 6 months.

I never been time oriented until some time last year, I know before I would leave the same old comments over and over again for years, but I wasn't aware of how much time I wasted until recently.

I'm talking about my growth as a person, not really girls, they can be added to it too, but they're not as important.

I want many things and have been wanted them, I have to get then now.

My only problems are doubt and uncertainty, that's what's holding my mindset back.

1. I keep thinking about all of these years where I tried to improve myself and have failed, 5+ years, I'm in a worse position in my life than I have been ever, and now, I want to be in the best position this year and better every year after that, in the next 6 months no less. I'm tired of not being remotely successful.

All I ask of you is, how can I stop my main doubt, which is "if you have been trying to succeed in life for this many years, how can you succeed now? , you have been trying to succeed for over 5 years, how can you achieve more in 6 months?"

That is what's in the back of my mind haunting me, it's what makes me want to give up.

What I mean by succeeding is not being a man child, I want to make some moves.

I just got turned down by another low paying job today, so I'm lost.

I keep applying, but nothing. Anyway, do you know how I could beat that mindset I keep having?

2. Do you think it's possible to turn your life around in 6 months ?

SZ's picture

Hey chase,

So I just got done reading your day game vs night game article, thank God it was only a year ago, I thought it was gonna be like 2012.

Anyway I'm lost because it seems with night game, we should go for snl and nothing else because numbers are garbage, I agree and have had all of my flakes come from them, I had enough numbers for a phone book with no luck. I wasn't even the 1-20 you said that the chances were from the article.

Anyway, I never tried a same night lay because I felt that I wasn't ready to do that yet because I couldn't get a girl on a date from the club.

But it seems that I was supposed to do the opposite and go for the snl.

I don't really see you tell me to stop going to the club, just to focus more on talking instead of dancing, so I guess you don't mind me going there for a reason.

I'm guessing you want me to go for snl? Instead of numbers then? Or is there another reason you haven't told me to stop going to the club and just do day game, or just pull them home.

I haven't tried it because I didn't feel I was ready, but if that's what I have to do to improve please tell me because I haven't tried snl and maybe that's why I've been going through so many flakes.

I'm just wondering, is there a point going to the club if you're not going for snl?

Anyway, do I have to start going for snl? Or Do I have to start focusing on day game and come back to clubs later? Or is there another reason you didn't really tell me to just quit night game?

I'm at the point where I'll try anything because the numbers from clubs have not worked for me once.

Author
Chase Amante's picture

SZ-

The only way to beat that doubt that I know of is to do the thing and prove the doubt wrong.

i.e., you feel the doubt, and just do it anyway.

You can't let your emotions run you, amigo. They're there to serve you.

Turn your life around in six months... I mean sure, it's possible. Will a guy be able to do it? I dunno. It took me years to do. But I've been in this business a long time and I've seen plenty of guys do it much, much faster than I have. Anything is possible... but it's ultimately up to you and how you do things, learn things, implement things, prioritize things.

Clubs, SNLs, etc... I generally do not tell guys what to go for unless I see someting is clearly a waste of time, or some other thing is clearly a better option. In your case, yes, SNLs are hard. They're one of the harder things to learn. Give it a shot if you like, just try not to have unrealistic expectations, especially considering your start point (doing this stuff for years but haven't cracked it yet). Odds are it will take you some time.

Chase

Gil's picture

Since when did men want to hit on all women? Do dating advice coaches act surprised that guys aren't looking to be successful with women per se but with the few they have their eye on? After all, look at the women who decorate this website: young attractive women who make up no more 20% of the population of women. To a certain extent they are special: they unlike most women. They're women who can have serious options in the dating market.

Author
Chase Amante's picture

Gil-

No, no one's surprised.

Simply pointing out that this entitled perspective does not get you closer to those top 20% women you want... only farther away.

Chase

anonymous 's picture

Hi Chase,

All of my friends have moved :(

I've always been a loner and have kept my circle very tight, so they are people who I only hang out with. I'm a very quiet person, I'm not some guy that goes around looking for new friends, or being a social butterfly.

Now I'll be doing things on my own, but don't know how to do it.

I would do everything on my own now, from hanging out, eating out, bars, clubs, parties, everything.

How do I still have fun as a loner, but not look like a loser, or feel like one?

I don't want to stay in the house, but I also don't want to look like some loser loner.

Thank you

Author
Chase Amante's picture

Anon-

Well, I've got two options for you. Neither is exclusive of the other (so you could use both).

Option #1 is break out your 'new city' process for finding and building new circles:

Option #2, if you like being a loner yet want to remain cool, is to master the aspects unique to it:

(I suspect that's more where your head is at... so you'll likely find these articles most helpful)

Chase

Poinan's picture

Chase,

I'm in awe by your ability to analyze and break down things. How can I develop such amazing analytical skills as yours? Does have IQ have something to do with it ?

Author
Chase Amante's picture

Poinan-

Hard to say what goes into it exactly!

I'll just stream-of-consciousness it here, to get some info out that hopefully is useful to anyone trying to reverse engineer deep analytical skills.

My IQ is on the higher end. Which doesn't hurt. In general I do find the higher IQ someone is, the more I can discuss advanced concepts with them and they already get it without me needing to explain much... so some degree of raw mental horsepower seems to help, at least with the speed of it (how long does it take someone to grasp something?). And in anything speed is important... the longer it takes someone to do something, the less likely he is to stick with it.

But at least with me, a large degree of it comes down to focus, practice, training. I have always been a focused learner; I don't just want to know the right answer - I want to understand the root of the thing. Because once I grasp it at the root, I can solve other problems like it with ease. My general philosophy is "The more you understand about the way all the pieces of the world work, the easier everything in life becomes and the more paths open up before you." I particularly value understanding complicated things other people regard as not understandable or unable to boiled down into simpler concepts. As I've developed that skill, it's allowed me to provide a lot of value wherever I go, and makes it very easy to connect with successful, inquisitive people I might not otherwise have much to offer to at first (even if you're not successful yet, if you're the one guy out of a thousand someone meets who is instantly able to grasp what that person is doing with only a few questions/clarifications, you're immediately a very kindred spirit to him).

I've had a few other friends with incisive analytical abilities. There's usually not perfect overlap between domain foci. e.g., my best friend for a long time was a very smart, charismatic guy with a very deep analytical look into business, finance, etc. But not as much insight into dating. So we'd talk and he'd give me business advice and I'd give him girl advice, and it worked well for us both. In the case of every guy with deep analytical skill sets I've known, there is a clear drive by the guy to be the most knowledgeable person in the room on his topics of choice; becomes something you pride yourself on, and it's a way to show value to other people. You work very hard on it and develop it as you go, like any skill set you want to master.

There are some other thoughts on my mental foundations here, if it's helpful.

But I would say... high IQ makes deep analysis faster and easier, and lets you get off to the early start that often leads to greater success earlier (e.g., as discussed in Malcolm Gladwell's Outliers; the kids with slight size advantages in hockey when young, purely due to being a bit older [thus bigger] than the other children in their class, end up being grossly advantaged at joining the NHL later in life; so you get certain birth months that contribute a huge number of hockey players, and others that contribute almost none, all because of the "snowball rolling downhill" effect).

Beyond that, it's just the drive to build the skill set, followed by training, training, training... often in every direction that enters your sphere (someone says "Chase, what do you think about this?" and if I think it's a worthwhile subject to know and I don't know much about it yet, it's time for an exploration).

Hope this is useful. I don't have a "here's how to learn this" guide to it since it's part instinctive, and isn't something I've taught to guys so can't say "This works for most people, this doesn't... here's this one thing a lot of guys do that I don't do but you might like" etc. Can only discuss myself and what I've seen with a couple other guys with strong analysis skills I've known.

Chase

Anonymous 's picture

Hi Chase,

Do you think masturbating destroys your drive for taking control of your life and motivation, even if you don't watch porn?

Growing up I used to do it a lot and I was very timid, low self beleif, and hated sports, I'm wondering if that's why? I use to do it like 3 times a day.

I do it now, but it's more here and there. Sometimes I have days where I do it 3x, but I was wondering if I did it once a week or every other week, would that be good for my motivation and for me to start doing better in life and to be more aggressive?

Author
Chase Amante's picture

Anon-

As with most things, it is doing it to excess that is the problem.

As an occasional thing, masturbation is fine. Can even be good, if you go a few weeks without sex or ejaculation and get that 'drive drop' that sometimes happens, where you slip into monk-mode. And you want to reawaken carnal lust. Often in that case, you rub one out, and the next day all you can think about is sex. Your sex drive is back online.

If you're beating off a lot but you're also getting laid a lot, you're fine too. However, if you're masturbating a lot and not getting laid, you need to stop masturbating. Cut it down to once every one to two weeks to get that drive back.

Chase

Waldo's picture

Chase, i watched porn and masturbated very compulsively throughout all my teenage years, as an escape from life. I was very depressed back then: there was a period that i would watch porn literally all day (i'm a high school dropout)! I'm 24 now and nowadays, the best i can go without fapping to porn is 10-11 days... and that requires A LOT of effort - i get crazy cravings, mood swings, even insomnia...and i don't feel lust for women in real life at all, even if i find them hotter than the ones i'm seeing on my computer.

This affects not only my love life, but also my potential professional life, because my memory and concentration are terrible when i'm watching porn frequently. There was this time that i went a little over a month without fapping/watching porn and i was literally another person - no more acne, strong attraction for real women, much more sociable, fat loss, muscle gains, etc.

After that, i tried to reintroduce masturbation to porn once a week, i thought - "eh, i can manage that..."
Hah, i couldn't! After a couple of weeks i started increasing the frequency, and after a while i was back where i was before. It has been about 2 years since then, and i didn't manage to go over ~20 days without porn/fapping since then.

I find it very difficult to let go of porn, mainly for one thing - fetishes. I have a couple of fetishes (not porn-induced) that without porn would be very hard to fulfill. I could easily leave behind vanilla porn and any other subgenre (i rarely watch them).

I respect you and would love to hear your thoughts, even if you don't have any advices. Cheers :)

Author
Chase Amante's picture

Waldo-

New article up on the subject here:

How Much Can You Masturbate If You Want to Get Laid?

Hope it's useful!

Chase

Anonymous's picture

Hi Chase,

First off I think this is a great article, I've also dealt with friends like this and it is quite a frustrating phenomenon. It seems weird that there are those who refuse to take your advice and decide to instead do things their own way, however will still continually come to you when they run into problems.

My conundrum is of another sort entirely. Basically I have always been a more school oriented individual, yet have been able to greatly increase my skills as a seducer even in my limited spare time through the tips provided by you and your team. However, as next year I will be attending medical school (which I am ecstatic about), I am worried that I won't have time to work on pick-up as a skill at all. Do you have any tips for continuing to improve or at least retaining the progress I've made/continually getting laid while going through an extremely rigorous educational programs or do you think I should just focus on school and then return to the world of pick-up after I'm done (which would be hard/saddening yet I will if I must).

Thanks a lot

Author
Chase Amante's picture

Anon-

Happy to hear you've made great skill increases despite limited time. Anecdotally, it does seem like men in demanding academic specialties (medical, law, studying for a PhD, etc.) seem to improve with women fast once/if they set their minds to it. I suspect it's part drive (if you're in these fields, you're already a driven individual, and driven individuals do what they need to to succeed), part knowing how to learn, and party raw confidence in your own value as a man (look what I've accomplished / look what I am becoming).

I've had a few doctor friends who practiced and studied game. Seems like usually they get loaded down with such mountains of work during school it's hard for them to pick up much. They'll take a girl here and there, often toward the end of the semester. But mostly it's just 100% focus on getting through school.

It eases up once you're in your residency though. You're still working crazy hours, but now you're around a bunch of nurses who are working with you too, and they all have the hots for you. Resident doctors with half-decent social skills tend to do fairly well with the young/hot nurses. And nurses and residents tend to party a lot... one doctor friend of mine would go out with his nurses and a few other doctors all the time to bars. Sometimes he'd hook up with one of the nurses, but just as often he'd hook up with another girl at the club who saw him flirting with his nurses (preselection in action).

I imagine you'll have to wait until you get there to see what your workload is like. If it's absolutely mountainous and you do not have time, though, then just put progression with girls/dating on the backburner... flirt with girls around you to stay sharp, if you see a cute girl somewhere maybe run up to her and say hi, but also don't be afraid to reschedule or push things off to focus on your studies. You've got a few years in medical school, and will have more time to work on things again after (although... not MUCH time! But more than you'll have in medical school, in any event).

Might be prudent to just take a girlfriend while you're in school - at least you get to have sex and have regular contact with a gal / tests / flirtation / etc. Can still flirt with other girls too. One doctor friend of mine maintained an open relationship through medical school and found that suited him very well; didn't have time to pick up too much, but when he did, he could; when he didn't, he still had a girlfriend. Plenty of different ways you could go (exclusive girlfriend, friend with benefits, open relationship, etc.). Time will be the one thing you'll always be short on, though.

Chase

Anonymous 's picture

Hi Chase,
If you work 8 hours a day and want to lift weights, get girls, and learn a money making skill, how many hours do you think would be good to work on that skill each day to not overwork yourself, but enough to get decently better?

And how many hours would you put in with that skill for the weekends? I'm going to do programming then I want to do copywrite.

.What do you think are some employable skills I could learn online to help me get better jobs? I want to learn skills that employers find attractive and I want to self-teach myself . I'm mostly talking about light skills, like experience, not programming or any time consuming skill. Like excel, sales, customer service, or skills people like in general for them to be more of an attractive candidate than others.

. How do I become a man and handle things like one? When I have depression or anxiety, I get sad, get emotionally sensitive, and feel defeated, I end up getting down on myself and don't do anything. I never was taught how to be a man, but I'd like to know how I can push through and keep finding ways to win.

Author
Chase Amante's picture

Anon-

It's going to be different for everyone. And you will find different activities drain you more or less than other activities do. I suggest you gradually add pieces to your schedule to see how much you can handle. Once you start to feel too stretched, you'll need to figure out what stays and what gets cut.

Re: learning online, check out this thread and start to research the myriad fields there. Some you'll be able to learn online, some you won't.

How do I become a man and handle things like one? When I have depression or anxiety, I get sad, get emotionally sensitive, and feel defeated, I end up getting down on myself and don't do anything. I never was taught how to be a man, but I'd like to know how I can push through and keep finding ways to win.

Start here:

Chase

Mr.Anonymous 's picture

Everyday I wake up I feel like a loser Chase :(

No matter what I do I feel like I'm a loser, I have accomplishments and compare myself to everyone, everyone seems to be doing better than me. I felt like a loser my whole life, and I want to finally win. I keep trying, but still feel like I'm a loser. My mind is associated with that because I've been losing my whole life with everything, I want wins, and I don't know what to do. I always reminisce about all of the embarrassing moments in my life, and I feel that I can't win no matter what. I try to forge ahead, but my failures haunt me and it feels like I can't be a winner. I feel like it's too late for me to be a winner. :(

If I've always taken losses and felt like a loser for so long, how can I change that and feel like a winner and win? I want to be strong and win.

Author
Chase Amante's picture

Anon-

Read this article:

How to Be a Dominant Man: What You Didn't Know About the 'Winner Effect'

Do everything it tells you to do.

~Chase

Hustla 's picture

Whad up Chase,

I just got done reading your visualization article good stuff.

How do we visualize many goals? Do we visualize them together or do we do a different one each day? I have many areas I want to improve.

I also wanted to ask you some questions regarding your sales job and another job.

1. With sales, I'm a quiet, shy dude that's not really persistent . It seems sales is a good way for me to make some money and a good skill to have, I just don't have the attitude of a salesman. I think you were like me before you did sales, you know what I can do to make myself a salesman and get rid of my negative qualities?

2. I see call center work is abundant, I have tried it before and it was stressful, I didn't know what to do, people were just getting angry and impatient, I felt lost when I did it, but those jobs come in abundance and pay decent.

I have very high levels of anxiety and nervousness while doing it, but I want to make some money and they hire all the time. You have any advice for me to be able to control my nerves for 8 hours a day 5 days a week?

3. It's hard for me to visualize success while I'm putting in so much time for work. How can I be successful if I'm working so much for pay that isn't good. I need to pay bills and debt, but I want to work for myself and make a lot of money.

Author
Chase Amante's picture

How do we visualize many goals? Do we visualize them together or do we do a different one each day?

I recommend 10-20 focused minutes per object of visualization per day (ideally, 10 at the start of the day, 10 at the end of it). You can do less if you must, but it won't be as effective.

If you have time to visualize several, great. Otherwise, pick the most mission critical and visualize that one every day until you get where you want to get to with it.

The more you spread yourself out across more things, the more you stymie your progress in all things.

Be single-minded on one thing. Master that one thing. Then switch to the next thing. One at a time.

Stop trying to do everything all at once, all the time, then ending up doing nothing. No man can do everything he wants to do all at once, and every man who tries fails miserably.

The answer to your sales question is "Do it and get better at it." And find a stronger salesman you can learn from and model yourself off of if one's available.

I don't have an answer to the call center one. When I left sales, I told myself I was never doing emotional labor again. Just too draining.

The "gotta eat, but want to do more than just eat, but no time to do more" trap is a tough spot, I know. What you must do is cut your expenses to the absolute minimum; spend on nothing you don't need to. No drinking, no partying, no expensive meals, don't buy new clothes, no hobbies, no nothing. Everything goes in the bank. Does two things for you: 1.) now you are saving money, instead of living paycheck to paycheck, and 2.) now you have a lot more TIME, which you can and will use to learn a skill you can make money on that will get you out of the rat race. You will be single-minded about this; save everything, and all your free time goes into skill-building, nothing else.

If your answer to this is anything other than a light bulb going off and you saying "Yes, that's it! That's what I need to be doing!" then you are not ready to exit the rat race, and will remain in it until you are.

Chase

SZ's picture

I just saw your one date trailer Chase. And I can see your slow controlled movements in that one short part. (Is that good to notice?) That let's me know even more that you're the real deal with this because I agree with everything you say and I know you are exactly how you describe yourself.

1. I wanted you to be honest with me, do you think I should purchase one date? I know you gotta sell it, but do you think that will help me to start kicking this in high gear?

I admit that my main problem is not going hard enough with pick up and getting over the difficulty of me opening many women.

If not, what level of pick up do you think I should get it?

2. Can you use everything in the program on your phone?

3. If I buy it, is there a way I can do it without it showing on my bank statement? I want to know the most private way of getting this. Think I could use a giftcard that you can put money on?

Author
Chase Amante's picture

SZ-

I mean, I feel like you're still not doing 95% of what I tell you to do. I'm not sure what value purchasing a course of mine will be for you when you will probably also not use any of the stuff from that either. Some of the concepts in it might be helpful or it might give you a few epiphanies, but my sense with you is you need to figure out a.) whether girls should even be your focus right now, and b.) when you're going to start to implement all the stuff you already have to implement, first.

On your other questions, yes, everything's designed to be as mobile-friendly as it is PC-friendly. All the videos are served in the members' area, rather than requiring download (unlike Spellbinding and Mastery), and the PDFs open in your browser, assuming you have a PDF reader enabled.

The gift card / prepaid card would be the most private option, yes, if you have other people looking at your credit card statement. We'll also probably have PayPal as an option (of course, you'd need to fund the PayPal account first to not have a line item appear on your credit card or bank).

And yeah... paying attention to fundamentals is good. Just means you're tuned into it and have decent awareness of it, which is not a bad thing.

Chase

A's picture

Hi Chase,

I feel mentally checked out. I feel hopeless and compare myself to others daily and constantly. I feel self improvement for me is futile. I just have the lingering feeling of defeat, like I can't do anything. I picked up a useless degree, I thought I did the right thing. But when I look for jobs they want experience that I don't have. I compare myself to others with better jobs than me, I was listening to a financial gurus podcast and there are so many callers that call in to tell him about their financial woes. They are in a lot of debt, but they make way more than the average single person.

So after hearing people with great paying jobs cry about debt, I think that I'm not anything.

It's gotten to the point I feel I will fail with everything that I do, I don't even try anymore. I don't even want to get a job, workout, get better with women, anything, I feel I will fail with it all.

I feel that I missed up and it's too late to get back on track and do better than who I compare myself with.

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