2 Steps Forward, 1 Step Back | Girls Chase

2 Steps Forward, 1 Step Back

Chase Amante

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Chase Amante's picture

two steps forward, one step back
Two steps forward, one step back. It’s the magic technique that lets you bypass almost all of her resistance… And it’s not hard to do.

One of the more enduring seduction strategies, and one you’ve seen discussed on this site plenty before (especially in some of Alek’s articles), is that of “two steps forward, one step back.”

You may call it push-pull or fractionation. Or you might call it the zigzag path to victory (victory here being, needless to say, a new lay or new girlfriend). Two steps forward, one step back is, on the surface, a crystal clear, simple system:

  1. First, a bold move forward (e.g., you place your hand on her lower back)

  2. Then, a partial retreat back (to, say, your hand on her upper arm)

  3. Wash, rinse, repeat: go bolder still next time... then another partial retreat. Then again. And again

With this method, you may gradually acclimate a girl to touch, proximity, innuendo, or just about anything else. Yet as simple as it sounds, it is a major mindset shift. To use it well, you must shift from the typical mindset of “gain a toehold, then hang onto it for dear life.”

To help you do this, today we’ll talk about the method, and introduce you to the psychology.

Then, we’ll load you up with examples till you’re plum happy.

Comments

Neal's picture

Chase, you know what I think are problems are.

If a woman thinks I'm you're that, the more and more she attracted to you, then the more and more she wanna reject - you can think of it as a shit test.

So if a guy keeps texting/attracting them, then they gonna ignore (but not block) - to see how you handle it.

So either way, I see it as a lose-lose situation.

I mean, if you made it clear that you're the 1 hitting on her, then she really don't have to do anything. Other than just sit and watch it all happen.

Author
Chase Amante's picture

Neal-

Solution with phones is to propose the date before you take the number.

If you take her number then try to build rapport, then propose the date after, then yes - lots of running around.

If you propose the date upfront, the game gets a lot simpler. Then you just handle logistics.

For the ones who still give you the runaround, the solution is usually some combination of phone calls, or switching things up, text-wise:

Some girls will be dodgy just to see how you react, though not all will. Many times if a girl is not responsive over text it's because she isn't sufficiently excited/nervous enough (about missing out on you if you get fed up or bored and leave) - so you need to pique her interest, whether through a phone call, or a fresher, more interesting date invite.

Chase

Neal's picture

Yes, however, this is on Facebook messages, not text, so I don't have their number. However, a lot of them use it equivalent as a text message. It's all about whether they "approve" of your message or not if you were the 1st to message them. And once that window is still approved, I'm experimenting if they will ever be the 1st to message you after months of since the conversations started.

Author
Chase Amante's picture

Neal-

Gotcha. I've not used Facebook chat for girls, so can't be too much help here specifically.

However, I will say the guys I've seen use it tend to focus on a.) doing a lot of chatting in quick succession, and b.) setting up a date within a day or two of grabbing the girl's Facebook name. So it does seem to follow the same basic rules as text, at least initially, with most girls.

Extended messaging over months is a woolier area. General advice though would be to focus on getting new girls into your pipeline, and devoting minimal (or no) effort to the stale old ones it didn't go anywhere with. They may come around and ping you whenever they're next single, but likely not worth waiting around for.

Chase

Bond's picture

Chase,

Great article! Thank you for your wonderful posts, they truly are inspiring. As I read your article, I realized that the 2 steps forward, 1 step back is something I have done quite a few times. Just have to do it more and consciously now. Thanks again!

Bond

Anonym's picture

Hi Chase,

an interesting article, again. I have one question:

You mentioned "girls who will let you touch them as much as you want, as fast as you want – these girls do exist, believe it or not... they’re not even all that rare".

I would like to ask, what have these girls in common and how you can recognize them? And does it work in general or only if those girls feel a lot attraction to you? Finding such a girl might be useful for overcoming fear of touching.

Thanks

Anonym

Author
Chase Amante's picture

Anonym-

The most recognizable girls like this are the ones who give you big, goofy, excited smiles and laser-focused eye contact on you as soon as you start talking to them. These are usually girls who (for whatever reason) have strong initial attraction to you, and are just straight excited to have you touching them in whatever way you want to touch them.

Some sultry/sexy girls can be this way too, especially if they've had some to drink (uninhibited). Need to be careful here though, because you want to avoid the super drunk girl who just has zero inhibitions but is going to regret it later 30% of the time. Instead, you want to find the girl who's buzzed but not drunk, and otherwise giving you an underlook and impish smile.

There's a third variety too, and that's the quiet, nerdy, high compliance girl. This is a shy-seeming girl who gives you no overt signals she's open to touch. But when you escalate touch, she doesn't stop it, and doesn't get uncomfortable, and goes along with whatever you do. There are plenty of quiet, nerdy girls who get uncomfortable when you start touching them, or move away / create distance - these girls are not the ones I'm talking about. The only way to know how open a girl who doesn't give outward signs is to your escalation is to start out at the bottom of the escalation ladder (e.g., light incidental touch) and work your way up, gauging her reaction as you go. You can move quick if she doesn't put on a yellow (or red) light for you, you just need to follow the ladder and make sure she's comfortable with the escalation as you progress.

Chase

Lawliet's picture

Hey Chase,

Thank you for this post!
It'll help me a lot in terms of escalating and making past checkpoints.

For interactions that lead towards a transition point (phone number, ask her home, etc.), will this technique work just as well?

I've tried it (sorta...I only had the concept from reading the bits around this site before this article was up).
After a girl reject whatever transition I proposed.
Talk a little more, and then try again.
No luck.

Re: Nevermind
This continues the car pooling same situation. Didn't want to write an essay in one comment.

Friend says a comment of something. I didn't hear it correctly so I repeated what I thought I heard.

Him: What are you on ?
Me: Can't hear you guys, what did you say again?
Him: Never mind
Me: you said something about big shipment?
Him: don't worry
Me: (laugh as if it's silly) haha! Tell me!
Him: Never mind

It's weird that someone goes nevermind even though they were talking about it anyway.
Also weird with accusations "What are you on about?" not direct, but somewhat insulting.
As a high value man, what would you do? Drop it? But it feels like a respect drop especially in a group context.
And if you persist, how to do it more elegantly?

With girls, however, it's about you in driver seat, but they might not always agree without testing.
For things, where to go on date (when you're already out with her), or radio channel / TV channel switching, or even a never mind, etc.
What would you do? Would it be any different?

Re: Blushing = attraction?
I made an interesting observation lately. Would love to hear your insights chase! A little description for a clearer picture.

I ususally would jump ship if a girl isn't giving me full attention and contributing in the conversation as I open them.
If they look away after giving a one word answer, it usually from my experience is dead. I might try to do a situationally comment to reopen and give her 2 more chances, if she's still not hooked, I move on.

Let me know if this is right or if you do it differently.

Anyway, this time I chatted with a girl she wasn't contributing much except one worded and nodding her head.
Eyes glancing over to me but not wholly. Instead, it was back and forth.
Though with her, she tucked her chin in even as she spoke her few worded answers.

When in doubt, compliance:
- Handclasp, left it for a few extra seconds
- conversational answers, she was brief
- leans in to hear me better
- I wanted to move her but there weren't other seats vacant and I didn't want to stand.

Side question: She didn't have any accessories for "show me compliance". What other good compliance options in bus/train setting that I can add to my toolbox?

So not a lot, but there weren't any no's
At first, I thought, "Lack of contribution. No AI, or "the look" She's probably dead lead".
But I felt something was there. So I went anyway.

In the end of talk
Me: haha we should get that spicy food [we talked about] sometime together!

Her: Yes! You can come to my restaurant (she's a server)

A little redirect, but what caught my attention is...I suspected probably she didn't catch my nonverbal interest, hence too tense (refer to What girls want to know article). So...

Me: can I get a discount?
Her: ...Sure!
Me: they always say the good looking ones are so nice.
Her: (chin tuck and nods, looking down and smiling)

I might be right.
As she stood up for her stop, her cheeks were bright red! Literally looked like she just dabbed them with red make up!

So, despite of lack of AI or contribution, I normally would jump ship, but in this scenario, she blushed hard. Are blushes a clear sign of interest? But then why...so not contributing or AI or anything really?
Almost like there's no signs at all.

Second thought, was she in auto rejection? Ha! Well what do you know...

A little analysis of mine:
Normally, people don't blush when they're scared (auto rejection; fear of stranger).
Neither do they when they see themselves superior to the other (a kid's compliment to a woman, cute! But not sexy).
Only when they are attracted will they blush. Conclusion: She does like me.

Thoughts?

Thanks,
Lawliet

Author
Chase Amante's picture

Lawliet-

Yes, you can use 2-steps, 1-step with transition points. The example I use in the "Break out your hard push" bullet in my article on dealing with rejected compliance makes use of this exactly:

You: Let’s grab a seat, it’ll be way more comfortable.

Her: That’s okay, I’m fine over here.

You: [smiling to yourself; pausing a moment] You know what they say about standing...

Her: I don’t care what they say.

You: [unfazed] Well, you know what they say, right...?

Her: [looking at you very skeptically] What do they say?

You: [leaning in as if you’re revealing a big secret] That people who stand at bars get bar butt, and it lasts your entire life. So you should come sit with me and preserve your behind.

Her: [laughs] I’m waiting for my friend.

You: Don’t worry, your friend will be able to see you; we’ll be right over there. Let’s go.

Her: Okay.

"Grab a seat" was 2 steps. When she resisted, you retreat back a step to asking her for compliance on "you know what they say". She takes the bait, and asks you what they say, complying with the frame.

"Never mind" asserts power over you, yes. But it's a "you stuck your neck out, I chopped it off" kind of power. The other guy can't wield it if you don't bug him to clarify or repeat something he's already stated. The more powerful approach is to ignore stuff you can't hear or give someone the eyebrows up "Not sure what you just said" look. If he says never mind at that point, you're the more powerful one and can just keep being silent. (point is - do you really need to know everything anybody else is talking about? Not really, right? Learn to be comfortable not knowing everything, and trust if there's something importnat, they'll tell you)

Girls trying to change date destinations - if it's convenient for you and won't hurt the seduction, cool. If it won't, you need to bat it away in a cool way, either with, "Let's do that next time, I really want to [whatever you were going to do]," or something along those lines. Radio / TV channel switching, either just don't care about this and let them do it, or give them the bored look, snatch the dial / remote away from them while holding the bored look the entire time, and change the channel/station back, all while continuing to hold eye contact. Aim if you do this is to make it an exaggerated "Did you seriously change the channel on me?" funny kind of deal.

Blushing is usually attraction, and if a girl is non-cooperative, those usually won't go anywhere, yes. Not always though. I've shagged plenty of girls who looked away, ignored me, or gave me monosyllabic answers to my initial open. Had a girlfriend who started this way. 90% of the time, these are dead, but the other 10% of the time when you perservere and get her, the hardest part is over, and she's so impressed you got past that initial resistance of hers it's a layup after that.

Chase

BW's picture

Hey Chase,

Great article. Fractionation and push-pull are tactics I've been trying to incorporate into my game now, and this is an amazing post to add to my knowledge.

One concern I’ve been having is my transition from pick-up to relationship. I’ve mostly been using game in my classroom, and after about a year and a half now I’ve gone from buzzkill to ‘chick magnet’, as I’m now called. But I’m hitting a plateau here. I can attract any girl I want, but I don’t know how I should escalate beyond this. I’m afraid of getting into a relationship as it is a foreign concept to me – never had a girlfriend before. I’m afraid that by settling down for one girl, I’ll lose the privilege to flirt with other girls. Now, this won’t be a serious relationship, most relationships in class are very lax and mine will probably be the same, but I’ve always considered relationships to be something beyond me (mostly because at first I couldn’t get any – the grapes I can’t reach are sour!). Could you tell me what it may be like to transition from charming everyone to escalating it with one girl, what are the advantages, demerits, consequences, challenges etc.? I’ve had many girls show great interest in me, some even propose to me, but due to my fear and indecisiveness I lost them, and it hurts when they get other boyfriends. You’re my PUA mentor and I'm grateful for the phenomenal content you put out all the time. Thank you so much for your advice!

Author
Chase Amante's picture

BW-

Very glad to see the progress! Excellent stuff, BW.

I've done only very limited in-school dating, so am not the best to ask about that. I'd recommend Hector for the best possible picture of what that's like in a school setting.

However, I can tell you personally, you don't necessarily stop flirting just because you have a girlfriend, even within social circles your girlfriend's a member of (in fact, if you ask me, those are the most fun to flirt in =D ). And actually, I recommend you continue to flirt while with a girlfriend. Usually you won't want to flirt in front of her, and you may want to tone down how direct your fliration is if you're usually a more direct guy, but you can (and should) continue to flirt.

I'd also urge you not to let this hang you up too much. This is kind of an "After I make this leap, how will I deal with having made the leap?" question; usually with these, it's better to go ahead and make the leap first, and puzzle it all out once you've hit the other side. Often you will find post-leap that a lot of the stuff you were worried about before the leap has become irrelevant on the other side. Or things you thought would be big problems end up taking care of themselves.

General rule of thumb: don't worry about hypothetical problems too much. Focus on the present ones - in your case, "Time to turn one of these girls into a girlfriend now."

Chase

Larry M.'s picture

Hey Chase,

Recently I started to date a pretty religious girl with no sexual experience. I have taken her on 4 dates so far but nothing has happened in terms of escalation or touches. I am a bit afraid if I do escalate or propose to go over to my place/her place, she will be scared off as she might think I'm a bad guy. She seems into me but was wondering if always trying to escalate is a good idea or if I should back off on this girl? Thanks!

Author
Chase Amante's picture

Larry-

Depends on how committed to abstinence, chastity, etc., she is... and also how into and comfortable with you she is. Obviously, if she's very into and very comfortable with you, you can overcome a greater commitment to her religiosity than you could if she was less into/comfortable with you.

Also depends somewhat on her history. e.g., a religious girl who's had two boyfriends she's been sexual with before will typically be easier to bed than one who's a virgin (typically; not always, though).

If she digs you, and you make sure she's properly qualified and feels like you like her for her (and she's not just another broad to you), I suspect you'll be in okay shape so long as the escalation is warm, comfortable, and nice for her.

(may also want to give Colt's article on girls like this a gander, too)

Chase

James the Third's picture

One of the best game tools to have. It is so versatile and useful. If you seem to be coming off as too attainable you increase the "pull". If she seems to be auto-rejecting you increase the "push". Classic.

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