Should You Have Sex with Prostitutes?

To pay for sex or not? What are the benefits to your game (and life)... And what are the risks?

A few years back, on my article about pornography addiction, a reader named John Jones asked about prostitution:

“Chase,

Great article. I do have a major problem. Every few months I get a prostitute. I find that paying $300 for an hour of a blowjob and sex is a good deal but I know I shouldn’t be doing this.

Can you please write an article about prostitution? Or give me some advice. I read a lot of your writings, and I gotta admit, I aspire to be like you and think the way you do. You really do have it together, brother.

Thanks.”

All right.

So, let me say before I get into this, there are a lot of men with entrenched, emotional opinions about this issue within the manosphere on the Internet.

Some of these guys love prostitutes, and view any advice against using prostitutes as a personal attack. They see it either as an attempt to undermine their freedom / control them by taking prostitutes away or making their patronage unacceptable (or illegal)... Or they view criticism as a personal attack that undermines their personal value or status as men.

Others of these guys hate prostitutes, and view them as dirty, degenerate, and/or disgusting, and/or view the men who patronize prostitutes as pathetic or weak.

I’m going to come at this article from a different angle.

I’m here neither to condemn nor absolve. Instead, I’m going to talk with you about what I have seen, again and again, repeatedly, among the various groups of men who use prostitutes, and the effects (both good and bad) prostitution can have on men.

A Little Background

Before we dive in, I’ll give you a little background on my experience with prostitutes.

First, I have a couple of friends who are major whore mongers. These are guys who’ve traveled to all manner of mongering spots, sampled the local hookers in locales across the world, and regularly go through hooker binges, where they go somewhere and shag a bunch of new prostitutes in a short period of time. My three biggest mongering friends all began as pickup guys, and each have 100+ lays with girls whom they didn’t pay for. One has given up pickup completely as boring and a waste of time (he almost exclusively shags hookers), while another maintains a mix of both pickup and hookers. A third has cut back on his mongering quite a bit (might’ve even quit; he did before, but I’m not certain he stuck to it) and now only dates non-sex workers.

I also have a bunch of friends who’ve never slept with a hooker and swear they never will. They have various reasons why they won’t do it, ranging from germophobia to pride.

Personally, I’ve shagged prostitutes, though only ones I’ve picked up more or less conventionally. I’ve only tried paying for sex once; the experience of paying a girl for sex was far too bizarre for me though (I mean... if I have to pay a girl for sex, it kind of defeats the point of having sex with her in the first place), so I told the girl to keep the money and forget the sex. In that case, I did end up sleeping with her another about a week later... I came back through her town, met up with her at her strip joint, and she paid for me, instead (drinks, anyway; I didn’t pay for anything that occasion). She told me in bed later she’d cried in the bathroom the first night when I wouldn’t sleep with her.

In addition to my own experiences and those of friends, I’ve seen a lot of guys come and go in the seduction world, and I’ve seen guys who used or turned to prostitutes... For various reasons and at various stages of their seduction journeys.

This article draws from all these experiences and observations, and is based them.

Trigger warning: I use the term ‘real girls’ in this article at times when referring to women who don’t offer sex for money. I realize this is offensive to some hookers and mongers; my apologies up front if that’s you. I don’t like the monger term ‘non-pros’ and I don’t want to write out ‘girls who have sex for reasons other than that you paid them a couple hundred bucks for sex’ 50 times throughout this article. So ‘real girls’ is what we’ll use, here, when we talk about women who shag for fun or for love or strategy rather than to keep their bank accounts in the black.

What Kinds of Girls Become Prostitutes?

There are, I find, a few different types of girls who become prostitutes:

• Broke chicks who need cash: these are the worst hookers out there. They’re just doing it to pay the bills. They’re not all that invested in the man or the experience, and often don’t bother to make themselves up that well or present particularly well.

• Sex fiends: these girls are probably the best. They’re girls who just LOVE sex, and at some point decide to simply make a living by having it. These chicks get super excited about every guy they sleep with (for the most part), and really do love their work. Super passionate about it. It used to be that if I picked up a prostitute and slept with her, I would go into this kind of “you’re a pretty awesome girl, you should go do something that does not entail spreading your legs for money” mini-speech at some point after sex when she was comfortable with me, and have several times gotten passionate defenses of the girl’s trade instead. One girl told me about the history of prostitution. Eventually I concluded, “Okay. If a girl’s a prostitute, she knows what she’s doing. She doesn’t need my advice.”
  

  Although, I did have one former hooker lay ping me on Facebook (back when I was on there, almost a decade ago) to let me know she’d listened to me and found another job and was out of the trade now. And also to ask when I was coming back to her town. Though I assume she did that to everyone, since one of her prior johns (I assume that’s what he was) became Facebook Official with her within about a month of her quitting her greeter / part-time hooker job.
  

• Gold diggers: it’s not a far jump from dating for money to shagging for it. In fact, many girls who gold dig moonlight as escorts, on platforms like Instagram, etc. These are the toughest hookers to hook up with without paying. Literally the only thing they care about is money. If you’re like me, and uninterested in getting together with a girl if money is involved, you’ll probably just want to keep moving should you find yourself in a conversation with this variety of lady-of-the-night.
  

• Social climbers: you may not realize it, but some girls go into prostitution to elevate their social statuses, and even to find boyfriends and husbands. High end escorts often marry from among their high end clients (and entertain marriage proposals from many others). And in the meantime, they tend to use their clients to build their networks. It’s not uncommon for socially ambitious women to do some escorting during or after college and use this to pay off their bills and get an ‘in’ into lucrative careers and powerful networks.
  

Social climber call girls / escorts may not look like the type of girl you’d expect to be hooking.

It’s helpful to know what kind of girl you’re dealing with, especially before you get involved. One of my monger buddies, for instance, had a night where he hit it off with a really cute sex-fiend-type hooker who was really into him and probably would’ve slept with him for free had he asked. Instead, he opted for a super hot gold digger type hooker with great looks but a not-good attitude. By the time they’d made it back to his apartment, her attitude was so bad he just asked her to leave. She demanded payment. He refused, and told her to go.

Instead, she called her friend at the police station, who came over to shake him down, put him in handcuffs, and told him either you’re going to pay me $10,000 right now, or you’re going to spend the next 30 days in jail on whatever I decide to charge you with, and then have to deal with the court system after that.

So they went to the ATM and he emptied out his bank account, gave the policeman $8,000 or $9,000 (the hooker no doubt got a big chunk of this), and resolved to be more careful to choose hookers who were clearly into him and not in a bad mood in the future.

The type of girl you choose, here (as in everywhere), is important.

Benefits of Sleeping with Hookers

Okay, that was one of those worst-case stories. Not something that happens all that often.

Before we talk about the downsides of hooking, let’s talk about some of the plusses. I’m going to introduce you to both the ‘standard’ upsides - the ones most men who indulge in prostitution will tell you they love.

But I’m also going to tell you about some of the other upsides I’ve noticed in men who like hookers, too.

Standard Hooker Benefits

There are the benefits you’ll hear cited again and again by men who monger. They are:

• No B.S. One of my buddies (with 100+ non-paid lays before he ever shagged a prostitute) describes it like this: “Pickup is you going and being her free psychotherapist for 2 or 3 hours, just to get pussy from a girl who often isn’t any good in bed and doesn’t care she sucks. With a hooker, it’s the ultimate man’s fantasy: you go, find a girl who likes you and who you like, take her home, get right to sex with zero LMR, pay her some money at the end, and she leaves. It’s so much better.” And of course, there’s the old monger adage: “You don’t pay the girl for sex. You pay her to leave after it’s over.”

• Power. This one is totally psychology-dependent. To me, for example, the act of paying a woman for sex feels like submission. I am admitting that I must give up material goods to get her body. But to men of a certain mental disposition, just the opposite is true: when you pay for a woman (if you’re of this disposition), you assert dominance over her. Women who refuse to let men pay for them seem to agree with this mentality; they won’t let men pay because they feel like they yield power when this happens.

• Sex on-Demand. A major benefit of prostitution is sex when you want it, as you want it. Unlike seduction, where you may go spend six hours running day game or chatting up girls at the club and come away with nothing to show for it, there’s a more-or-less guaranteed return with prostitution. You’re going to get laid. It’s more reliable, more efficient, and more cost-effective, purely from a time/sex ratio standpoint.

• Variety. Another oft-cited benefit. Most men have game that specializes in one or a few specific types of girls. They can get their types fairly reliably... But other types of girls they may not have quite so easy a time getting. Some men may go years desperately wishing to get with certain types of girls and have zero luck getting them. Yet turn to mongering, and suddenly not only can they get these girls, they can even get really hot versions of these girls. Hell of a turnabout.
  

Those are all compelling benefits, if you ask me.

However, there are a few other, less standard, less discussed benefits, too.

Hidden Hooker Benefits

About to discover some of her hidden benefits.

Beyond the ordinary benefits of prostitution, here are what I’d consider the ‘hidden’ benefits you may enjoy:

•  “I Deserve Hot Girls.”If you’re a guy who doesn’t feel like he ‘deserves’ attractive girlfriends and sex partners, mongering can be a way to overcome some of these issues. There is a grave risk here, as well (which we’ll talk about more below), that you pay for lots of sex with prostitutes who are much hotter than what you get in real life, and you give up trying to meet non-working girl hotties. Yet done in moderation, I’ve seen prostitution be a pathway to overcoming this issue in a few men.

• Reference Points. A big one for doing better with different kinds of girls is getting the right reference points. You might have a real hankering for girls with big breasts and tattoos, but no matter how many of these girls you talk to, you cannot get dates or pick one up for a one-night stand. You’ve hit a wall where you aren’t able to communicate enough sexual intent or lead decisively enough because you don’t really believe these girls want you or you can get them. Yet a roll in the hay with a girl like this you pay for (especially if it is a good experience - connection, seduction, sex) can break this barrier for you and make sex with a girl like this real... Which frees you to actually be able to picture yourself with her when you meet such girls.

  I’ve seen various guys pay for one or two hookers of types they wanted but could not get, and then go on to start picking up, sleeping with, and dating their preferred type of girl after this. Again, used in moderation, this tactic can get you over the hump and let you start succeeding with real girls after. Yet, as above, there are large risks if used immoderately (we’ll discuss below).

• Abundance/Momentum. I’ve had successful seducer friends who used hookers to supplement their pickup diets. If they were on a hot streak and wanting/needing sex all the time, and hadn’t picked up a girl in a couple days, they’d buy a hooker to keep the streak going. Often it’d work, and they’d pick up a new (non-paid) girl within a few more days after and the streak would continue. Another way to use hookers is to build momentum for a streak or break a dry spell.

• Relationship Power with No Relationship Threat. In more traditional cultures with regular / not heavily outlawed or policed prostitution, it’s much more common for married men to use prostitutes. The man won’t tell the wife, but it’s understood or assumed that this is just what men do... Men have sex with various women. A prostitute provides a ‘safe’ outlet for this, in that there’s less risk of the man falling in love with her (and leaving his wife/children), less risk of pregnancy (and diverting resources from wife/children), and less risk of the girl causing havoc in the man’s life out of jealousy, resentment, or possessiveness/competitiveness. The benefit to the man’s relationship is the man keeps his testosterone levels up (by not being completely monogamous), stays in control, and retains that “I get laid, and not just from you, honey” attractiveness, without the same degree of risk to him, his wife, or the relationship that comes with a proper mistress or a string of unpaid hookups.

• Geographic Freedom. You obviously don’t need to be into hookers to move overseas or become a globe trotter. Not being a whore monger hasn’t slowed me down any. However, the guys I know who are into hookers are among the most well-traveled I know. They’ll tell you stories about the whorehouse in a dark alley in Indonesia they ended up in, or teach you barbershop poles are used to advertise brothels in South Korea, or they’ll tell you about pay-for-play culture in the Philippines or Africa or South America. Once a guy is into hookers, he’ll start to want as much variety as he can get, and that can lead him on trips of discovery to exotic locales around the world.
  

So, yes. Using hookers is not without its distinct benefits to both seduction and relationships.

Nevertheless, it’s not all sun kissed morning dew and red April tulips. There are some real dark sides to prostitution as well... so before you run off and hire yourself a lady of the night, let’s talk about what those are.

The Dark Side of Prostitution

Do you have an addictive personality?

Some people are able to indulge in pleasurable things without becoming addicted.

They can enjoy a cocaine binge on the weekend, then go to work Monday stone sober and be completely productive. They see their friends and loved ones throughout the week and suffer no ill effects to their social relationships. They can elect never to do another line for the rest of their lives if they so choose, and never have more than the slightest urge to take another sniff.

Others are hooked the moment an ounce of cocaine hits their nostrils. Once they’ve experienced it, they will never be free again. They will do cocaine (or harder drugs) for the rest of their lives, and everything else in their lives will come second to this.

Most people are somewhere in the middle. Coke won’t rule them, but it will change them. Other things won’t be as exciting... Or as attractive. Drugs are, after all, not just good, but easy.

You don’t have to work hard to get them. You just have to hand over the money for them, go somewhere you can do them, then... pleasure.

Hookers work much the same way. And the men who use them regularly fall into the same types of camps drug abusers do: guys who use hookers once or twice, then forget they ever used them... guys who use them recreationally, once in a blue moon, just for fun... and guys who become regular users.

You’re often not going to know in advance what kind of user you’ll become. My most hardcore hooker-loving friend (the author of the “free psychotherapist” quote) swore he’d never use hookers for the longest time. Monger friends of his would push him to sleep with hookers, and he’d look down on it and refuse. But once he started getting into the scene, it didn’t take long for him to pull a complete about-face.

So let’s talk about the risks of paying for sex.

• Real girls may become harder. Just like cocaine addicts may quit investing in social relationships because cocaine activates those same social pleasure centers of the brain (and does so easier and more powerfully), most men who get too far into mongering give up sleeping with girls who don’t sell pussy for coin. They’ll complain about real girls making it too hard, being too flighty, overvaluing themselves, etc. But what’s really happening is they’ve given up their edge... if they ever had it. And now they auto-reject girls who don’t respond to their new style of ‘game’ (i.e., “I’ll give you 300 dollars if you’ll go to bed with me”).
  

• If you weren’t good before, you can be trapped. Sort of like learning to play a video game with cheat codes. Even if you want to play it without, it’s just too hard and too annoying to bother with once you know you can just type in the cheat code and go back to unlimited power again. I’ve seen a bunch of guys with no-to-low game who get sucked into whore mongering, and never learn to get women they don’t pay for. They have sex only with prostitutes, date only prostitutes, and marry prostitutes. Often, their prostitute wives cheat on them and leave them, but it’s okay, because they were seeing other prostitutes while they were with these wives, and then go shag more prostitutes after the divorce.

• Unfaithful partners. Related to that last. One of my monger friends has a pretty good quality girlfriend. The others though... Well, let’s say this. You’re not going to get a sexually conservative girl in the hooker world. Nor are you going to get a sexually loyal one. And the more time you spend around hookers, the harder a time you’ll have relating to women who aren’t like this... Which means at some point, whatever girlfriend you end up with is somewhat likely to be a hooker. Fine if you don’t mind open relationships. But I am consistently amazed at how many men I see date hookers, who get upset later when they pick up a new STD because their girlfriend was still hooking on the side without telling them, or couldn’t resist sampling some new guy she met while out grocery shopping, or what have you.
  

• Jaded views of reality. If you want the “humans as walking meat socks” view of the universe, hang out with a group of hardcore whore mongers. I’ve talked here before about too much time in nightclubs warping how men view women in general (nightclubs attract some of the most debased individuals as patrons, and elicit some of the most debased behavior from said patrons). Prostitution is like this x1000.

  You have women who care about nothing in the world other than getting paid, and do not care one iota what they have to do to get it. Money is God. You have women who are complete raving nymphomaniacs and will make a guy feel like he has a golden cock, until he realizes the hooker he’s in love with has three other men she’s squirting for daily and madly in love with too. And the men who roll in these crowds are no different. They will call themselves ‘realists’; you may agree, or you may think them closer to ‘jaded’, ‘cynical’, or ‘bitter’.

  Regardless, I’ve yet to see any man spend any length of time in the prostitution world who does not come set with the belief that all women ultimately shag for is money. When these are all your reference points (or all your recent ones, anyway), this is what you will believe, because this will be what you see. And people believe only what they see.
  

• STDs. Obviously, right? A girl who’s had 1800 lifetime partners is a lot more likely to have a host of funky stuff in her nethers than a girl who’s had 10. Every major whore mongering friend of mine has genital herpes. One friend was absolutely religious about using condoms - but still caught it anyway (remember: condoms are only 70% effective against preventing skin-transmitted STDs). Most guys who get really into hookers eventually stop using condoms at some point, too. The whole point of hookers is maximal pleasure, after all - and you’re not maximizing your pleasure with a piece of latex between your flesh and hers.

• Addiction. The driving force between most of the ills of prostitution. Lots of guys just get addicted to the ease and gratification of mongering. That’s how you can get experienced seducers who say, in effect, “I’m never going back to pickup.” If you’ve got the money to burn, it’s just too easy to just pay for it once you’re sucked in. You’ll never have to worry about approach anxiety, rejection, or last minute resistance again. But a whole world of women who aren’t willing to accept 100 or 200 bucks for a roll in the hay closes off to you, if you reach that point where you are addicted and the ‘real thing’ just doesn’t seem worth it anymore (i.e., that point at which hookers become the ‘real’ ones to you and non-pros are the ones who are faking it... trying to pretend their pussies are worth more than what a hotter girl than they are charges for hers).

Once these two things become linked in your mind, there’s not usually any going back.

Some real risks there, that can seriously derail you if your life goals are aligned along any path other than hedonism.

Know it before you dive in.

So Should You Have Sex with Prostitutes?

Well, look. Here’s the deal.

Are you a dyed-in-the-wool hedonist? Are you certain that the sole pursuit worthy of your time in this life is the pursuit of unbridled pleasure?

Then you more or less have nothing to fear and everything to gain by the use of prostitutes.

You’re not going to care that much about partner fidelity, and most STDs are curable... And those few that aren’t (like herpes) are treatable with medication. Even if you are great at meeting girls on the street and bedding them, the right city/country for prostitutes will maximize your pleasure more than anything you can get from game. There’s just no comparison.

Yet, if you’re not a hedonist (or not purely a hedonist), and you aspire to something different than raw pleasure maximization, here’s my advice:

• The occasional hooker to break a dry spell or crush a plateau is probably okay. If you haven’t been laid in four months and you are just whiffing with every girl you approach right now, a hooker shag may ‘break the curse’ and get you back in the game. Or if you’ve been approaching redheads for a year and still haven’t gotten one on a date, paying for a round of sex with one might get you in the headspace you need to be in to start doing better with girls like this.

• Hookers on vacation are likely okay. I know men who will buy hookers while on vacation, but pick up normally at home. They don’t seem to suffer any ill effects for this, and their use of prostitutes seems to more or less just be good, clean (dirty?) fun.

• A hard limit is crucial. You probably shouldn’t have sex with prostitutes (that you pay for) more than a few times a year, if your goal is more success with real girls. Just from a psychological perspective, if you’re continually failing to get laid with real-life girls and then going to hookers to buy sex instead, you’re going to start to either a.) view yourself as unattractive to women you don’t pay for, or b.) begin to auto-reject non-working girls... You’ll write off regular girls as “too stuck up” or “too full of themselves.” At that point - the point where either your self-esteem falls off a cliff, or your empathy does - your ability to get women you don’t pay for goes down the toilet.
  

I recommend against sexually inexperienced men shagging hookers, if you can at all avoid it. Your early reference points are crucial for building the right kind of momentum, and if your first three or four lays are all prostitutes, you’ll struggle to get real girls in bed later (and you may just keep going back to prostitutes... to the point where you become a monger or addict).

I’ve seen this happen with guys. A guy will come in and say, “I’ve had sex with 10 prostitutes, but I’ve never had sex with a girl I didn’t pay for.” These guys struggle. If you want my advice, it’s “grind it out, and get those first few lays without paying for it.” It’s more work, and more frustration, but for you to get your mind right, I think it’s worth it.

Also - be careful about whom you fall for! Many prostitutes are among the most romantically talented women you’ll meet. They’ve learned, through lots of experience, just how to push all the right buttons on a man to make him fall helplessly in love. It will feel great... Though odds are you will not be the only one in love with her, nor the only one she’s in love with herself.

Is Prostitution Good/Bad?

Good times to be had... If you can avoid the traps.

It’s just a thing.

For me, I view it as a ‘good for others’ kind of thing.

That meaning, if prostitutes are available, inexpensive, and socially acceptable, this removes competition from the sexual marketplace... since many men who want sex will skip the hassle of trying to pick girls up and will opt for a sex worker instead.

In other words, if you are intent on developing the ability to find, meet, and sleep with girls, it’s good if other guys go for prostitutes.

Well, to a point. It’s also possible when you travel to end up in locations everyone tells you are awesome and incredible, only for you to get there and discover all the women on the market there are working girls. With a smattering of ugly tourist girls to round out the edges. Spots like these are a total downer if you’re not into paying for it.

However, if you’re a hedonist (and have the coin to spend on it and the freedom to travel to the good locations), prostitution may well be the best thing ever.

Thus, your own personal use / liking of this will depend on your objectives as a man.

Again, if you’re not a hedonist, my suggestion is to use prostitutes only in moderation, and to only use them strategically. Depending on your addiction profile and the ease of access / cost of prostitutes, you can end up in a situation where you train yourself to exclusively or almost exclusively go with prostitutes, which can complicate things for you if your life goals do not revolve around spending lots of time with prostitutes.

So: be smart. Don’t get caught up unless you want to get caught up and don’t have (or expect to have) life goals that will suffer from you being caught up. Enter the prostitution world wisely... if you enter it at all.

Chase