What to Do When a Girl Doesn't Text Back | Girls Chase

What to Do When a Girl Doesn't Text Back

girl doesn't text backA reader writes in:

I found something strange. Everytime Im having long interactions with girls in pickups on the streets, I bomb. I mean, she dont text back. It reminds me of Murphies law: If everything cant go wrong, IT WILL. I recently approached 10 women of which gave me attraction signals. They touched me, called me cute, called me the most interesting person, smiled, was high energy, stayd 20 minutes with me, and asked me to text them. I had good interactions with them and was smoothe and confident. I bonded wtih them and made plans to see them. They never texted back and I dont nkwo why.

I did another experiment where I cutted my interaction short about 3 minutes and asked for the number. Most of the shorter ones agreed on dates and texted back, and note, most of them gave me negative signs first. Is it because women use guys that they give fake "attraction signals?" Why do they seem so much into me at first but never bother to actually get into contact again? It happens over and over so much that when a girl give me signals thats too good to be true,I can almost predict that I will never hear from her again and Im alwasy right. I know it sounds counter-intuitive but I think the women who give you immediate signals are maybe time waster"? And what is your thoughts, do you find the same?

Brings back memories.

When I stepped up my activity levels in 2006, I noticed an odd trend: the women I spoke to for longer periods of time, and seemed more into me, ended up being less likely to ever return my phone calls or texts.

How bizarre, I thought to myself. This certainly doesn't make much sense.

But the numbers didn't lie. So, I did the only logical thing I could think to do: I worked to shorten the time I'd spend with girls whose phone number I intended to grab, and only spend a longer time with girls I intended to take home that day or night.

Almost overnight, the problem of girls not texting back and girls not calling back all but disappeared. But it still left me scratching my head a bit... why did spending more time with a girl and having her come to like you more lead to her falling off the face of the Earth and not returning text and calls later?


Chase AmanteAbout the Author: Chase Amante

Chase woke up one day in 2004 tired of being alone. So, he set to work and read every book he could find, studied every teacher he could meet, and talked to every girl he could talk to to figure out dating. After four years, scads of lays, and many great girlfriends (plus plenty of failures along the way), he launched this website. He will teach you everything he knows about girls in one single program in his Mastery Package.


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Anonymous's picture

If you spend less time with girls they might just be using you simply for conversation and they won't take you seriously. If you don't spend time with girls you won't be able to meet them face to face and have actual conversations with them or actually hang out either.

You're probably realizing that it's better NOT to be too clingy, because, certain girls might be turned off by that. But, in reality texting isn't the best way to get to know someone. There are other ways other than texting.

Just saying. I think your advice is partially true because if you haven't seen someone for a long time they're more likely to reply to you than as for someone who you see all the time (but then again, it all depends on the girl).

Chase Amante's picture

Hey Anon,

There are certain things you can do to weed out the girls just looking for a conversation partner. I just got a post up on this the other day, in fact; it's this one:

Tell If a Girl Likes You: Are Her Walls Up, Or Are Her Walls Down?

Typically, you're going to want to seek to move a girl as soon as you can into an interaction. These days, I'll often move girls within 30 to 60 seconds of meeting them. The girls that follow are almost always interested; the ones who won't are just looking for a conversation buddy and you can move on.

Length of time seems to matter surprisingly little when it comes to making headway with a woman; in fact, in my early days I used to spend a long time with women and it'd amount to nothing, and I still see lots of guys plowing a lot of time into women and not getting them as lovers or girlfriends. These days I spend a maximum of about 2 to 3 hours with a girl before taking her to bed, often a lot less, and I have a much higher level of consistency than I did when I'd spend a lot more time on a woman. Not wasting time works.

You're spot on that texting isn't the vehicle to use for getting to know someone! I don't think I made the argument anywhere in this post that you should use texting for that; if I came across that way, then my mistake -- that's directly in contrast to everything I normally preach. Have a pretty comprehensive post up on utilitarian texting expressly for the purpose of getting women in-person here:

How to Text a Girl

In any event, if you're seeing a girl all the time, girls stop texting back if nothing's happened after a while -- basically, you know a girl, text her a lot, but never pull the trigger (take her to bed), and she starts assuming you never will and relegates you to the position of one of those guys who texts her a lot but doesn't take action and get her out (not a fun place to be... I used to do this, and now I see lots of guys doing this to the women in my life).

So, I'd say, cut out most of the playful banter that most guys do on text, avoid trying to get to know her over text (as you recognize also), and focus on getting her out and getting her in person as fast as possible, and you're solid.


Anonymous's picture

Texting is not something you do forever. After you know she has interest then you should call. Don't get lost in your comfort zone. If she stops texting maybe she's tired of it and thinks you're too lazy to make an effort and just call her. Don't let things get stale with texting forever.

Anonymous's picture

So, I've been chatting with this girl for 2 weeks before deciding to go out. She seemed to be the right girl in every detail. We met, had a pizza, went to the movies, everything went perfect, made out for a while before saying goodbye. But here comes the tricky part, because from what I had understood, she was in love with me the same way I was in love with her and after we said goodbye that day, she has not texted me back. I've been texting her a couple of times but now it's gone quite.

So, what's my options right now? Should i call her and explain my feelings once and for all?

Anonymous's picture

I'm going thru something similar to this like after we started making out it was ON. We didn't have sex but she just wants to be friends. No strings attached. She answers my calls sometimes or will call me back if she missed it but she won't text me! Wtf do I do

Anonymous's picture

Ive been chatting with this girl every night for 3 weeks (shes actually-partly on vacation since shes employer went out of town), we are both interesting and honestly was out of our previous relationships 11 months ago(both serious)..it was like a big coincidence or something, we both think God plans it for us to meet ( i cant tell with details but we are both young professionals working abroad)..we've been comfortable with each other and honestly the first woman i have been honest with from the start(only with one BIG thing missing), we've been telling secrets and having serious talks about our plans in life (with us together). Everything is working well, we are just waiting for us to meet since LDR is a ****. Until, that very night i told her the BIG thing. She understood me, i know it. I was expecting nothing will change but i know, its impossible. it started little by little until *poof! she didnt reply at all..right now im still smiling but i want to hold her for sure! im actually missing her. We are not yet in a relationship, but we were supposed to meet 1 week from now. but then, my God please help me..

abied 's picture

Hey chase,

I just knew this girl in 2 month, She's BEAUTIFUL. Me with my friend at the shopping complex because my friend here are going for a date. His girlfriend come with her friend and my friend carry on with his plan. at the first, i was staring at her and i realize that she was looking at me. Then, the couples gone(my friend n hs girlfirend) just me and she and i start talking she told her name and i told her my name. We were having fun that time eating, laughing and i like inlove with her but that time she has boyfriend and i cant do anything. 2 weeks ago, i got an info that she's single and i set a date and bla bla bla. The next day, i give a first text she reply and i move to the second text and and she just go beeeeeeeeeppp not responding. I dont know why :( and i do like you said radio silence today is already 2 weeks shes been like this. I dont know what to do, what would you do?

Please and Thank You.

Anonymous's picture


I like some of the concepts and techniques included in your blogs but not the idea of women chasing men. I think it can be quite confusing(especially if the guy isn't really doing it right ie; barely initiating any contact but sounding enthusiastic to hear from you). If a guy doesen't want to deal with the hassle of "chasing women" what makes one think that a woman wants to chase a man? It makes me feel like I'm his puppet and I don't like that. If you like me you like me and if I like you I like you. No need for games!

Jeff's picture

Agree with you here, why mope about, do you're own thing, make moves at first but if no response, wait for her to come to you, its like the ball of wool theory with a cat.

Anonymous's picture

I met this sexy college girl last Saturday night...we never talk on the phone we haven't really had a conversation when it comes to texting.. The first day I texts her didn't really get a lot of information Sep for she wants to be wife and would jump at that chance if it comes around..she didn't respond to my last texts to I waited a week basically before I tried my luck again..this is what I text her..I want to take you out Tuesday.. and she said oooo okay fine with me..the last thing I text her in that conversation she didn't respond back. So at this point im thinking should I just call her or wait until the day we are supposed to chill or she's talking to somebody else or im press and she just busy lol

Gary's picture

Hey Chase!!

I have a question with regards to the above article. I got chatting to a girl I was at school with 10 years ago recently on Facebook and got her number. The text chat back and forward goes really well until I try to get her out on a date. She either says we should be able to do something and then never confirms a day or time or she won't get back to me if I say are you available at a certain time.

Our last correspondence was a couple of days ago with me asking her what her working arrangements were for this week to which I have had no response.

I'm pretty sure that myself and at least one other guy are trying to get this girl on a date and she feels pressured at this point as to who she should pick or what she should do.

I'm not 100% sure as to how to move this forward without putting even more pressure on. Texting is one thing but ultimately my aim is to go on a date with this girl.


Emily's picture

In my opinion (which I'll tell you shouldn't count for much), you need to set yourself up as the more entertaining and relaxing option. If she feels like she's being pressured to choose between a date with you or a date with someone else, she's gonna put off that decision for as long as possible while continually saying to herself "I'll know tomorrow." Until everyone's just tired of the game.

If it were me in her shoes, I'd be more willing to go on a snap decision date versus one that was set in stone and I would have to wait and worry over. For this to work I'd suggest giving her some late night times in the next week that you're free and ask her to give you a text if she's in the mood. That way she can decide night-of if she wants to go out or not. Low pressure and very inviting.

Chase Amante's picture

Hey Gary,

Emily has sound advice. When I have a girl who seems like she's right on the cusp of going out with me, but then we can never get settled on a date / time, I'll end up texting something like this:

Tiff, seems you're super busy right now; totally understandable. I'll leave the ball in your court -- let me know when your schedule clears up a bit and you can do lunch / dinner / drinks, etc. Hope we hang soon!

This usually seems to do the trick, and I get back something like, "Sorry, been really busy, I want to hang, just been traveling a lot. I'll text you soon." I don't respond to that one -- no response needed, really -- and the girl usually gets back in some time.

Basically, right along the lines of Emily's advice -- be chill and don't pressure her, and also take any "embarrassment" she might have been feeling (for her being flakey) and take it off her ("totally understandable"). Makes it more likely she'll want to see you when things clear up. Leaving the ball in her court, too, just like Emily. Avoid ending up in the situation where she texts you an hour before with no prior notice and you agree, unless she's, say, coming to your place to hang out, but if she gives you five or six hours notice ahead of time and asks if you can make it, and you can, no harm saying yes.

General rule of thumb: if she writes back soon, she probably wants to see you. If it takes her a while, she's not really making time for you, and she's doing it most likely more out of social obligation than personal interest. You might still turn things around on the date, but it'll be a tougher slog.


Chris's picture

hey just wanted to say thanks...i used that message with a little tweaking...and it worked lol. I was soo worried and now i feel like ihave the upperhand lol. thanks again and merry christmas

Anonymous's picture

Sometimes people want to be wanted, but for whatever reason, they don't want to invest anything more than harmless conversation. Maybe it's fear of getting hurt, maybe she's seeing someone else, maybe she's pining after someone she's not in a relationship with and it makes her feel good to know someone IS in to her, but her thoughts are always on that someone else. Really, doesn't matter if it's a guy or a girl, if they don't want to see you, they're just not that in to you. Someone that feels the same chemistry you're feeling will want to make SURE they don't send you the message that they're not interested. If they do something that could be construed as disinterest, they'll generally over-explain. Say you ask her out for Saturday and she can't do Saturday. She'd say something like "I'm sorry I have plans all day Saturday (and if she really likes you, she'll probably say what her plans are). I really want to see you again. How about (alternate day)?" If someone is not trying to do their part to move the relationship forward, then it's simple - they're just not that in to you. "Some will, some won't, so what ... move on." Just like you're not interested in everyone that crosses your path, you're not going to interest everyone either. Accept reality and move on. ... now, if it's happening over and over again, then it's time to look at what you're doing. But if it's hit and miss, then chalk it up to not being the right person at the right time and press onward.

Bob's picture

So, I met this girl through some kind of an interaction with our schools. I think I was the only who got her number. So I texted her the next day, she replied. We had a quick conversation until evening. The next day, I texted her she didn't reply, and also the next day. Now I haven't texted for 2 days, so what should I text her? Cause I really wanted to talk her to know her better? What do I say exactly? I'm not super good with words.... I'm 16 by the way. =)) Thanks Chase! Great Article though, helped me with some other people.

Chase Amante's picture

Hey Bob,

Glad to hear the post helped you some!

I'm not quite up on whether things work quite the same with the 16 year old crowd, but the underlying dynamics should be the same.

From what I understand of kids today, they're texting ALL the time. Like, thousands of texts a month... which... totally blows my mind. And seems horribly inefficient a use of time. But I digress.

Basically, when it comes to getting to know a girl, your best bet is in person, so you should use texting primarily to coordinate an in-person meet. If she won't go for that, you might try calling her and winning her over a bit over the phone. It's possible to build some rapport and attraction over text, but it's hard and it takes a long time and it's got a far lower chance of converting than just phoning her up and vibing for a while, so I don't recommend texting for those reasons.

Instead, maybe send her something like

Hey Abby, hope the past couple days have been awesome for you! Mostly been schoolwork and drudgery on this end... blech. Glad the weekend's here. Listen, we should grab an ice cream or something and chill. What's your schedule like this weekend / next week?

That's going to force her to make a decision. No reply = she's not interested. Reply, but she's hemming and hawing = she's maybe lukewarm interested, or perhaps likes you as a friend, but isn't sure she wants to take things offline. Solid "yes" = she's probably interested, or at least willing to go and see what happens.

Hope this helps brother -- and good luck!


Dub_D's picture

We talk alot, but last night she said "Im sad:(" i asked her whats wrong and she doesnt text back, i call and it rings a couple times then it sends to voice mail. I sent her like 5 comforting texts and went to bed 1 hr later cause she didnt reply. I texted good morning to her and she didnt reply, couple hours later she says hi and i replied hey. She stopped replying and after school, i texted her what're you doing? She says shes at a friends house, which is also my friend. I replied tell him hi for me and what're you doing there?.. She never replied back. WTH??!

Chase Amante's picture

Hey Dub_D,

Check out this post:

"Keeping Your Cool: Don't Chase Women"

Also, keep in mind that girls will do attention-seeking things like this. When you get a statement, usually you want to respond with a statement too; following up a statement of hers with a question of yours is chasing.

So, "I'm sad :(" should get a text from you that's more like this:

"Aww... :'("


"I just mailed you a box of tissues. Gonna need $1.29 for the postage next time I see you, though."

Particularly when a girl's feeling sad, she doesn't want to feel pursued... she wants to have her mood elevated and to feel like there's a strong, sexy guy on the other end of the line who can make her feel good and make her laugh at herself a bit. Next time, be that guy, and you'll have girls eating out of the palm of your hand.

Cheers brother,

Justin's picture

Hey what's going on? So, I have talked to this one girl for two years now ever since she left the same college that I attend now. I've had no problems in the past when talking to her but just recently she stopped replying to my texts for some reason. About two weeks ago, I started a conversation with her and we did talk for a few minutes and then all of a sudden she stopped replying to me after I asked a question and I remember the question wasn't bad or anything and was on topic for what we were talking about. A week later I sent her another text and it was a simple one that said: "hey, how's it going?" I got no reply. I sent her that text at about 1 in the afternoon and hadn't got a reply for the whole day. Then I sent a follow up message that night that said: "Hey, I hope we can catch up soon. I guess you may have probably been busy or didn't see my text yet haha." Been a whole week now and I still haven't heard from her.

For these past two years, I never had a problem with her not getting back to me and she would always get back to my almost right away or even later the same day. It is tough too because I can't see her right now or anything because she lives six hours away but every once in a while I am able to see her if she is in the area or even if I am around where she lives. I have no idea what to do now and can it really be over after two years? Did she maybe find another guy now she is talking to and that's why she isn't talking to me now? I could really use help more than ever now and I at least don't want to lose her as a friend.

Chase Amante's picture

Hey Justin,

This is a pretty natural thing to happen with long distance as time passes and you don't see each other. Friends eventually fall away and fall out of touch; they lose friends and meet people near to them.

Eventually people start asking themselves what the "point" is. It may be if the two of you had a great connection or friendship in person, she started off really wanting to stay in touch with you after she left, but the two of you never saw each other, and with time she got a new group of friends there, got a boyfriend there, and every time she got a text from this guy she hadn't seen in a long time and didn't know anything about anymore and who didn't know much about her life now, she'd start asking herself, "Why is he still texting me?"

My girlfriend right now has guys texting her like this. She hasn't responded to them in ages, and they still text her asking her how she's doing and trying to make conversation with her. They haven't seen her in ages and don't really know anything about her life now -- they don't know her friends, they don't know she has a boyfriend, anything -- but they're still pursuing, because they have this idea of her being their dream girl and they don't want to let it go.

This article might help:

Keeping Your Cool: Don't Chase Women

and, for understanding the fading of attraction over time, see this one:

Attraction Has an Expiration Date


Anonymous's picture

Hey Chase loving your material.

I have a question

Ive known this girl for six years.

long story short we got in touch on fb two years ago and she was talking to me full on and been flirty (she had a bf at the time)

She would txt me all time making conversations and would call me babe etc.

she said that i used to be her crush and if she was single she would date me.

One night she txted saying she broke up with her bf and if i was out in town cause guys are been sleazy and she does not like it.

I said no im in bed.

any ways i kind of never made the effort to meet up till one year later i txted her if she was out in town and we meet, i grabbed her hands took her to the bar bought us two shots.
we went dance floor and she introduced me to her mates.

she said she gotta go and i said give me a kiss on the lips as i was really drunk and she said no you can kiss me on the cheeks and i said we known each other for six years lol

so she kissed me back on cheeks.

i sent her a good night txt that night then didnt txt her for 3 weeks (i was playing hard to get ) i sent her 3 txts and still no reply.

whats my next move?

Alonso's picture


Thank a lot for the article, happend that met this girl at the bus, and I normally dont ask for girls numbers on the bus. But i saw this girl in the morning we took the bus together i was infront of her seat we smile each other and felt like she was the one for me to settle but i was a little nervous to talk to her so time flew and was time to get off the bus and didn't get the chance to talk to her. So i went to grab couple of clothes that i need for work and i missed the bus late in the evening i was like man now i gotta wait for an hour then i went to take a walk while i was taking time till next bus. Yeah bus came i got in went to the back of the bus this time couple of tenegers were making lots of noise move to the fron so that is when i saw the same girl early morning this time i talked to her for about 10 minutes then we got out of the bus in the same location luckily for cause i didn't ask for her number yet.
We were all the way to downtown walking at night and talking she was so, nice friendly and noble all i could ever ask for. Time came i was gonna go for my direction to go home she was gonna take another so i ask for her number, but she asked for mines and called me so her number will saved in my phone.
I call 2 days later cause i was awful busy the day after. i called to say hi nor to ask her out yet, but her mom was the one who answer and she said she was gonna tell her daughter that i call so she can call me back, i didn't get i called. Try the next day a text, and a call no answer, the day after called blocked number no answer the voicemail was already full, sent her a message no reply back till today. It's been a week no call back nor text and haven even seen her on the town. Any like to call her again but i feel like if i call she will be like im stalking het.
I would appreciate an advice. Excellent writing, i was great to see your article and that i did few things say way the article it is.

Chase Amante's picture

Hey Alonso,

Yeah, sometimes it does just happen that a girl flakes and disappears and you just can't turn it around. Give her another week or two to cool her heels, then try her again with another text. If she still isn't responding, she isn't likely too.

When girls disappear like this, it's always either:

  • Your first impression, or
  • Your texting / calling

so target those areas for improvement, and you ought to get less and less of this with future gals.


Dwane's picture

Hey, how's it going? Hope all is well. Well here's the thing. I met this girl at a dancing event, yeah, she's a b-girl. I kinda liked her but didn't approach her that day. Anyway, I somehow got to know her name and then connected with her on Facebook. She replied and reciprocated quite well. We got to know each other. Then there was this another event coming up and I asked her if she'd be coming to which she replied in the affirmative. I went on to talk to her that day but was nervous and only spoke to her after the event got over. I knew I'd have to introduce myself again as she'd not seen me before. But I to my surprise, when I went on to talk to her she recognized me ( 'cause of the profile pictures on Facebook I guess). Anyway, so yeah, I was flabbergasted and didn't say anything. Then she said that she'd seem me sitting over there all along and asked me why did I come so late to say hi. I was totally blown. After sometime, I left and said that it was nice talking to her and she was like say hi on time the next time you come! Then there was this another anniversary event of her crew and I was gonna be late due to some reason and the entries were limited, so I asked her if she could do something so that I'd be allowed to enter late, well I wrote a pretty long message. she then replied that it wouldn't be a big deal, then further said that she's sorry she couldn't write an equally sweet and sincere message as she was kinda running around and all. I met her that day and when i was leaving she told me to give her a missed call in case something like this happens again in the future so that she could do something about it. I then gave her my number. I started texting her, initially she used to reply but then that usual no-replies thing started! I know it happens but it still freaking demotivates me. Now recently, I asked her what she's up to she she told that they'd just performed at this place. I couldn't miss this opportunity and then I replied, "well I figured' cause you're always performing someplace or the other. Speaking of which, do you ever get time to do anything else, like just go out or something?". Then she was like haha, its difficult but not impossible. I then asked her to elaborate on that difficulty part and then I was gonna call her and ask her out on a date. But, no reply! I sent another text that I'd be coming to this place tomorrow as you guys practice over there, so better be there. Again, no reply! I'm sorry I didn't want to end up writing a biography, but I wanted to give all the details so that I'd get exact answers! I really like this girl and wanna make things work!The part that confuses me is that she was the one who gave me her number without me asking for it. And the fact that she recognized me the first time we met. But again, the no-reply part kinda messes it all up again!
PS : I haven't called her yet

Chase Amante's picture

Hey Dwane,

Yes, be very wary of long messages. I was guilty of that for a long time too with girls; but they're absolute attraction killers (and headache inducing!).

Also, avoid going to events that are "on her turf" at all costs. Get girls meeting you on neutral territory -- a cafe near your place, for instance -- that way you're not the one doing all the investing (which feels to the girl like you're chasing her).

You've probably invested a bit too much / chased too much with this one, but it ought to have some very good takeaway lessons for the next girls you meet. Keep it concise, and avoid chasing, and you'll do all right.


Jose's picture

Okay so when I was in high school in my junior year I talked to my crush wich happened to be on her senior year. I got her e-mail and her name. Things didnt go very smoothly so I stoped texting her and talking to her. Two years have passed and I had a girlfriend and soI had the status "in a relationship" on my facebook. She texted me one day and asked if I it was a serious relationship I told her not really becuase my ex moved to another city and we didnt even see each other that much so I told her I was planning on letting her go. So when we met up I told her that in High School I had feelings for her ( I never told her in HS) and I said I thought I was pretty obvious she replied that she thought she had made it obvius also. So I thought/think she meant she was interested in me. So about 5 days ago I saw her again and told her if she wanted to go out on saturday and she said yes, but needed to check if her parents would approve. 3 days ago I sent her a text and didnt have an answer, 2 days ago again the same story, yesterday she replied saying she had a lot of HW, meaning she was busy. Now this is the thing I contacted her via facebook so I said to myself, ok so if she is so busy why the heck does she login to facebook? we talked a little, because I rally had no interest talking to her, at the end I told her "let me know if you can hang out on saturday, if you cant than no worries :)" I didnt have a reply to that question and today is saturday and he didnt respond. I mean I know she feels something for me, but why doesnt she take a minute of her life to repond? :/

Sorry for the bad grammar lol Its been a long time I dont write in english

Chase Amante's picture

Hey Jose,

Sorry to hear about this one, man. Couple things here:

  1. This girl was definitely into you -- that's why she asked about the relationship
  2. But then you told her you had feelings for her
  3. Her feelings then cooled off dramatically

Check out these posts:

It sucks to say, but confessing your feelings before you've slept with a girl (or even before she's confessed hers) really rains on the attraction parade for women. The feeling amounts to, "Oh. Whoa. I didn't realize his feelings were so strong. I just kind of liked him a little. All right, I need to cool this down before he goes crazy."

Fair? Not really. But that's just how it goes with dating and relationships (goes both ways, too; nothing more freaky than a girl confessing feelings for you when you just kinda sorta were interested in her).

Hope this helps for next time, brother.


Magic's picture

that a nice information, I'll try not to radio silence for a week! hope this method could help me. Thank for the information feel much better

Anonymous's picture

Hi, I have just got back from a great holiday in the sun, but now feel like I wish I never went.

I met this beautiful girl, even though we were just chatting, dancing and kissing for one evening. I really miss her. I gave her my number as I did not have my phone with me. She promised to call back the next evening but it never happened. :(

What should I do, just forget her and move on? I am so sad right now...

Chase Amante's picture

Hey Anon, sorry to hear it.

Sounds like you don't have any way of contacting this girl again, which means it's gone. Consider it a good memory -- one of my fondest holiday romances was a girl I met on a beach a few years back, and she was everything I look for a in a girlfriend -- gorgeous, smart, educated, well-traveled, incredible personality, really great, warm person -- and we spent a wonderful night walking around on the beach and went back to her hotel room and spent the night there. It felt like this great tragedy when I had to leave in the morning, because I knew she was going to head back to Europe for school that day, and I was never going to see her again.

If a girl's important to you though, ALWAYS get her contact information. Email's better than phone, since phones you can lose, or they die, or run out of juice. If it's essential you keep her contact, go for email. That said, keep getting out, and there are a lot more girls like this you will meet.


CollegeGuy's picture

So I'm back up at college. Sophomore year. And the other day while at work at the computer lab I saw this GORGEOUS girl. I noticed she was looking at me a few times and got super stoked. She printed something out came up to the desk where I work to get them and I dropped the ball and just gave her prints. She looked at me a few more times and then left. I was killing myself the next few days for not getting her number. Then Saturday I happened to see her at the football game. I talked to her got her number, She's super attractive and I could tell that lots of guys get her number and she's probably pretty high maintenance. waited till Sunday, and texted her that evening. She responded "you're the boy from the library right?" we sent like 4 or 5 casual texts about what we did the night before then I asked her how her day was going. and Blam. nothing.
Didnt text back. Not gonna lie .. I'm kinda ticked.
Whats your advice? Try later today? wait a few days? Delete her? or if I text her what should I say?

Chase Amante's picture

Hey CG,

Don't worry about the, "How's your day?" text not getting a reply. That one's a common trap that every guy falls into, and a lot of girlfriends I've had and hot girls I've had as friends or lovers get several, "How's your day going?" texts a day. If anything convinced me that was a bad text to send, it was seeing how many carbon copies of that text girls get one after the other from guys trying to get them.

Check out the post on "How to Text a Girl;" that should provide some solid guidance on keeping your texts short, directed, and to-the-point. You want to minimize vanilla-flavored texts and keep the focus on getting her out on a date ASAP. That's how text works best: as a vehicle for getting girls on dates. As a means of building rapport, it's pretty atrocious ;)


Andy's picture

Hi Chase,

So I met this local girl while she was out for her birthday. Shes 5 or 6 years younger than me and finishing off college. Anyway we hit it off straight away and went on about 4 dates in the space of 2 weeks up until she had to leave for university last week. She initiated all the dates and even asked to meet up the night before she left which we did. We both agreed to keep in contact and she said she would be home again in about 3 or 4 weeks for hols. The dates went great, spent plenty of time talking and getting physical with each other so the attraction was there etc. Anyway, she adds me on facebook after she left and we texted back and forth a few days after she left. On Saturday past I sent her a text in response to her facebook status which appeared on my news feed. She basically joking claimed she was homosexual. I texted something like "So you've turned gay now?! I generally don't have that effect on women!" *Winking smile*. Since I sent the text its been no response and silence on her part. Did I offend her? I don't know. Has she suddenly lost interest or did she interpret my message wrong? Anyway I haven't moved on it or responded in anyway and its been 2 days now. Yes I have other options and another girl who is currently interested in me but I'm liking this girl and we got on great....so any advice on how I should proceed or initiate contact would be much appreciated!

Thanks, Andy

Chase Amante's picture

Hey Andy,

Something you've got to bear in mind with some of these longer seductions like this is the closing of escalation windows; basically, you've got a limited time during which you can get together with a girl, and if it doesn't happen during that window, attraciton expires and the girl loses interest in you as a mate.

A girl pushing to see you the night before she leaves to go far away is a classic escalation window; she almost certainly wants sex, and wants it bad. If she doesn't get it, she leaves feeling rather bitter and slighted.

What you often see then is that guys continuing pursuing past the closing of the escalation window, and the girl gets increasingly annoyed. Kinda like if you really wanted a pizza, and one of your friends had a slice, and it looked really good, and he said, "Hey, do you want some?" and you said yes, definitely! And then he didn't give it to you. And then a little later he asked, "Hey, do you still want some?" and you said, yes, I told you I do! And then he still didn't give it to you. Well, after a few rounds of this, and he asks you, "Hey, do you want a piece of pizza, buddy?" you're going to look at him and tell him to get that pizza out of your face. And maybe he'll be a little confused and not understand why you don't want his pizza. This is what happens a lot with men who don't close it out when women want it from them; the girl gets annoyed and gives up, and the guy struggles to understand why she's acting that way when she'd been trying to get together with him for too long.

By that point it's pretty much too late and you've just got to find another girl and start over. But if you're wondering why joking around with her that you'd turned her gay might have annoyed her and caused her not to respond, a missed escalation window -- and the bitterness / annoyance she feels at not having been able to get what she wanted, despite her efforts -- is the likely explanation why.


bruce's picture

hmm im really confused.......a good friend of mine hooked me up with a friend of hers...she was telling her how much of a good guy i am and how lots of women have well screwed me over in the past...anyway so i meet her last night we just automatically clicked it went great lots of things in common we shared a kiss or two or three and just generally getting along really really well.......soo i stayed over nothing happened just laying there on the sofa watching tv so got to next day and as before still getting along really well so after spending a day and a half with her i had to leave to go to work and that goodbye was just perfect she says she likes me and she will text me.............soo here comes the part where im pulling my hair out after i finish work i txt her saying along the lines of yeah thank u for the past day and a bit made me feel happy etc etc....she never repiled till later that night which i werent really bothered about and ive repiled to her meessage last night and nothing absoulte nothing i dont know anymore how we can go from soo high to now of nothing.......do i leave it and wait for her?? or do i call her ....... hmm but i did find out from her that her auntie just had a baby maybe that is the reason? my brain is telling me just leave it you have repiled now just wait for her but my heart is telling me call her but i dont wanna come across as like well needy and pathetic

Chase Amante's picture

Hi Bruce,

I know it's challenging when you thought things were going well with a girl but then you get a non-response like this. It's important to have a process and stick to it, though.

In the case of a lack of intimacy in a situation where intimacy should've occurred, women expect that you'll be disappointed at best. If you send a message saying you're happy / had a great time when the two of you should have slept together and become lovers, most women will interpret this as meaning you're trying to suppress your disappointment and come across happy because you don't want to lose them, and it feels a bit weird and incongruent.

In the future, save the, "Had a great night last night :)" texts for after the two of you have become lovers. All may not be lost with this one -- try calling her or texting her to meet up again in a few days -- but do keep in mind that many a man's spent a platonic night with a girl, only to never see or hear from her again.

Women are people and have needs too. Often, if they spend a night with a man, it's because they're hoping he'll satisfy those needs -- and they can come away quite disappointed when he doesn't.

So, follow up with this girl, but if it doesn't work out, just keep in mind for future girls that you need to close out that last 5%.


Rick's picture

So I met this girl at a job agency. She was the one conducting interviews. I thought I picked up on some signals while we were interviewing because she started asking less formal and more personal questions. She gave me her card, and told me to keep in touch, but I didn't contacting her for a while. Just recently I ended up sending her an email, asked her if she was single, flirted back and forth a little. After about 4 or 5 responses each, i asked her out to dinner so I could get to know her n person better. It's been 5 days and I've gt no response. Should I assume at this point she's not interested, or should i email her back, and if so, what should i write in my email as to not sound desperate, or as if I'm chasing her?

Chase Amante's picture

Hey Rick,

Yeah, unfortunately, that's one that's pretty cut-and-dry. Kudos on putting in the effort and getting some flirting on in the email chain.

You might very well have stood a better chance had you emailed her while things were still fresh. I used to lose girls this way too -- get contact info, follow up weeks or months later, and it goes nowhere. Keep on the ball and write girls the same day or the next day after getting email, and make things happen in the near future, and you'll have a much, much higher closing rate on those.


Dez's picture

So I Met this girl and I basically messed up. I text her ENTIRELY too much And only made it worse when she didn't respond . She told me she liked me and wanted to take things slow. She ignores bunches of guys and I felt she was doing the same to me but she would reply and tell me she was busy and would text me back every now and then.. But I couldn't wait and maybe hours later I would text her and she finally got to the point where she said I am not mature enough And wants to only be my friend.
This only happened cause of Texting her too much and trying to have her attention 24/7. When we talked on the phone is when she actually got to know me And realized I was a mature guy but Texting brought out the worse I'n me . I been trying to chase this beautiful girl with my text And now I think I have scared her away from basically a possible relationship. How can I change her mind and show her that I'm really just a laid back guy that likes her , which I am, instead if some highly obsessed Texting freak that likes her too much . Is it too late to give her a different opinion on me? I've seriously texted her too much of the wrong things lately And she doesn't reply . I just need to know what to say and what to do.. If I can get her to pick up her phone and conversate with me I know I can pretty much get her back liking me

Jacob's picture

So I recently filed for a divorce after 6 years and am back on the dating scene... I am 27 and recently re-connected with an old crush from high school on facebook. I am really attracted to her and we had a good time back in school, but this was almost 10 years ago. I wrote her first and didn't get a response, was just seeing what she has been up to and wanted to say hi. She accepted my request so I just waited it out a few days. After about 3 days I see her on chat so and said hey and joked about her not writing me back. She said sorry and asked how I was doing.. we had a decent convo, I showed interest in her interests (traveling, work, school) and things went well. I did ask her if she was seeing anyone and she said yes but it wasn't that serious so I figured things were starting off good. Then I tried to invite her out for coffee or drinks sometime and she beat around the bush a lot. Our work schedules are completely opposite except for Sundays so I offered to take her out then and she said she was having dinner with a friend and picking up overtime afterwards. She said that she was busy all week and the next and offered to hang out in a few weeks. I told her I would leave it up to her since she knows my schedule and apologized if I was being to forward. I just told her that I don't get out much and would like someone to hang out with. She said she understands and will keep in touch so then I ended the convo with a good night and hope to hear from her soon. I haven't talked to her since and that was about 4 days ago. I don't want to lose the chance to see where this could go but I don't know how to pursue without seeming desperate or annoying. Any help would be awesome, thanks -Jacob-

A Marif 's picture

Hello everyone,

Me and my Ex were together 3 years ago, I just had to leave the country as I had to study abroad, when I left it was really hard time we been through, after 6 month she just asked me to break up and I accepted because I had no choice. I have been calling and emailing her since this breakup started, I couldnt forget her, couldnt concentrait on anything, I think I was very lucky that I passt my exams, when heard that she is in a relationship with another person, I whished I never been exist!
after finishing college, I just came back to see her once again in my life, when arrived in the city I just figuered out that she brokup with her recent boyfriend and now I am back in the city, we have met several times, she is still beautiful to me and I love her very much, I dont know what to do, I think she is not the same person and she is sort of ignoring me. I feel really sad!

Arthur's picture

Hey chase first of all great article and what an awesome web page you have here congrats on the success you have going on. Well I think you give some good advise so I would appreciate if you could help me with my dilemma its a little complicated but it goes something like this. I been knowing this chick for 3years now is not like we are best friends mostly cause I stop seeing her after like 3 months we meet and bearly saw her again while on my graduaty party 2 years later. Well we were hanging out we had such chemistry together we both love the same things and we enjoy speding time with each other well we when out now like 3 times and everything is great she say she enjoys spending time with me and I enjoy it too but is not as if our relation was a every day thing so not much harm on me just being the good friend well yet. So I decided I wanted too tell her I like her and try to have somethig else but im not sure cause as much fun as w have together whenever I text her she hardly reply and the last time we had plabs to go to the movies. She had her sister text me that she couldnt and I understand that text sends she forgot her cell on my car but the next day I when to drop off her cell she didnt even mention the insident. I was bumb outmostly cause Ifelt she didnt care about me. As I was leaving she wanted to hug me but we didnt cause I didn't follow well it all endup in us just forgetting about it but I don't know if I should tell her or forget about it cause I may have waited too long. Well were both 18 and she is a very down too earth girl that hs hardly been on a relationship so I was wondering if you could tell me what you think. Should I go for it? Or should I move on? I really like the girl and would like too know what you think mostly cause im looking for something serious. Thanks for all.

David's picture

Hi Chase,
This is a long distance case. I happen to call this girl every once a week for the past 1 month. Recently she haven’t been picking up my calls. It’s been almost a month now since we last talked long for like 30 mins. Then I tried different approach by asking her to come online to chat because I thought she is not comfortable chatting on the phone. She is a very shy and not-social person. Because of her shy and quiet nature, it’s really hard for me to predict her move. When I text her to come online, she text back stating that she is sorry she is busy. Since then she started ignoring my calls and texts. I am confused. I tried to give her a break by not calling her for more than a week. But I feel this won’t help because she won’t response until I start.Honestly I am losing my patience because I really miss talking to her. Should I forget her or should I keep trying? The problem is that if I keep trying, I might become annoying to her and in return she will start hating me. Should I continue calling her? What if she continue ignoring my calls and text? Please help. Thanks a lot.

MichaelD's picture

Some good advice, although this is what I don't understand.... whenever a girl ignores a guy it's ok in their minds for putting you last in their priorities but as soon as the tables are turned, they go haywire on you for ignoring them. What ever happened to common courtesy with women these days!

Peter's picture

Hi Chase,

There is this girl in one of my classes that keeps staring at me all the time. She even notices when i randomly talk to other girls in class (she mentioned it once to me that she saw me and this girl doing this in class ( u get what i mean?)). Like two or three of my friends that have that same class with me have noticed and they have told me to go and talk to her and i did. She happened to come by my work place and we talked. Recently i added her to my io5 contacts and we can imessage. Last weekend, i asked her to come to a cookout my roomates and i were having and she said she didnt know what her schedule was but that she will let me know. She didnt get back to me. Then earlier today i sent her a message saying hey, whats up but i never got a reply. I just dont get it, what do you think and what do you think i should do? I think she is cool and ild like to get to know her more. Im a junior in college and she is a senior.


RJ's picture

Hi Chase,

Last night I went to a club and met this great girl who I hit it off with. At first when we met I introduced her to my friend and told her and her group of friends that we were celebrating his birthday tonight (...his birthday was two days ago). It turned out to be a great icebreaker! After he was talking to her for a bit, I guess he wasn't interested in her, and then began to talk to her through out the night. We were laughing, chatting, flirting, had a great rapport with her. Towards the end of the night my buddy wanted to leave early, I was forced to act quickly on getting her number. I eventually went for the number kill and got it. I gave her my phone and she entered her number on my cell and hit the dial button so that she could (with positive intent) know what my number was. For some reason the number she dialed which was hers "call failed" due to poor reception in the building. After I left I was left wondering if she gave me a fake number. When we left building I called her and left a message on her voicemail for thank her for great night. I also texted her as well thanking her. She hasn't responded back yet...any suggestions?

Anonymous's picture

hey chase theres this girl i like that whenever im texting her after a few texts she says i have to go or my phones dying anything i can do to improve this situation. also what should i talk about i have run out of ideas

Anonymous's picture

OK Chase, here goes....

I work in a college that shares the same space as my work, thus tons off hot corp chicks and college girls. Not to be vain, but as a computer geek, I workout & speak 2 languages (eng & jap), so I get looks, but intimidate women at times. Not the status-quo lol. I play the field hard (& date ALOT) b/c most guys are too afraid to talk to women, so no issues there for me.

There is a hot early 20s girl that works in the cafe (cashier), so I know she's sees tons of traffic (dudes) old & young, so offers probably come by the 100s lol, but she's shuts them down hard (lotta AFCs). Well of all the guys, she wanted to meet me b/c I'm just my own man, crack on her & don't take her attitude. Now, this led to her attraction. I got her #, went out twice, but only kissed her on the cheek after declining to go for a normal kiss (trying to be a gentleman, I regret). Trying to be smooth. She even paid for the 2nd date!!!

Had plans for a 3rd date, no word from her, so she said she texted me, but never got it...NO BIGGIE. We texted days later, but then I noticed she stop responding to my texts (I know young girls!!). Now I rather talk in person b/c she loves to see me, but our schedules are night & day (both in college w/ 2 jobs). My life hit rock bottom, so I have 2 focus on me before I can approach or be anything to her, but seems like the longer I wait, the worse.

Should I stop by to try over again, or allow things in my life (school & personal issues) to get better & risk her intrust level to flee (if not already)?

PS...I'm a realist, she's got tons of options, so not really outcome dependent, she just made the cut of girls that I've dated.

Phil's picture

You got off to a good start, showing that you were a strong guy who goes for what he wants unlike all the AFCs she encountered. However, you did not live up to this first impression on the dates- You moved real slow, and didn't take her home after the first date. Luckily she was still really into you on the second date and tried to display her value to you by paying for it- Chase recommends rewarding female value offerings which doesn't seem to have happened here. She is probably in auto-rejection as she feels like she has failed to attract you and recieve your physical intimacy. It hasn't gone great this time but you might be able to turn the situation around. Possibly try and get her to come over to your place for the third "date" and then escalate physically. You did a great job getting her on the date and I think you can avoid this problem next time by moving faster. I recommend reading the articles on here: "How To Let A Girl Know You Like Her" and "Move Faster".

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