Tactics Tuesdays: How to Screen Out Gold Diggers | Girls Chase

Tactics Tuesdays: How to Screen Out Gold Diggers

Chase Amante

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Chase Amante's picture

gold digger
Gold diggers can be a problem, especially if you’re richer than the girls you’re meeting. However, there are two (2) ways to reliably screen them out.

In my discussion of the belief some guys hold that “women are evil”, a reader named SBM asks:

The question is though, how do you screen for gold-diggers? How can you find out whether or not a girl you’re taking out on a date is in fact a gold-digger?

It’s a good question!

I, for one, love girls who are sexy, fashionable, and confident. These are tempting qualities for me in any girl. However, one of the drawbacks of qualities like this is that they’re often – perhaps even most often – found in gold diggers.

And while I’m not wealthy enough to attract top-flight gold diggers looking for a payout all of the time, I dress well enough that I get approached by them sometimes in the U.S. (particularly in Las Vegas, that seedy den of predatory gold digging paradise). And I run into them in Eastern Europe and Asia.

Some guys like gold diggers, or are comfortable with the exchange gold diggers want. If you’re such a guy, who thinks it’s perfectly reasonable for a girl to trade her looks for your resources and financial security, this article won’t be of much interest to you. Or maybe it will be, as a kind of reverse technique. Just do the opposite of it and you’ll attract the gold diggers and repel the girls who don’t believe in this trade.

However, if you’re like me, and you dislike the foundation gold digging rests upon, then read on, and let’s talk how to screen these girls out.

Comments

Kanye West's picture

Why do you look at this in a binary way? Don't you think it's more of a spectrum (kinda like submissive/independent women) or a difference in degree?

"The girl who studied nursing and just wants to find a good man, settle down, and raise a family throws off the same gold digger flags as an implant-laden collagen bunny if your screening criteria are this narrow."

Of course she does, because she IS a gold-digger. It's not a false positive. Good man for her would be a doctor with a stable job and high income, so she can be a stay-at-home mom for a while. It's the best she can realistically get. That's gold-digging on a small scale.

A nurse is aiming for a doctor, a pretty laywer girl is aiming for a rich client, a plastic model is aiming for footbal players in mega-clubs etc.

The framework is the same. The difference is that girls who are more confident and pretty go for someone even wealthier, more famous or better looking than a doctor. But... They are playing the same game.

UNLESS... she is a highly successful professional woman who is looking for her boy toys - those ain't gold-digging.

-----

Also, your description of a gold-digger is extremely narrow. Girls you describe (plastic, flashy bunnies who study history and run a charity) are almost non-existent.

It seems like you're doing it on purpose and are trying to avoid the uncomfortable truth. But, you know the number of them is much bigger or you wouldn't bother writing this article. It's like teaching people how not to be killed by a meteor.

You know it.
You know the nurse is a gold digger.
You know girls who chase after their bosses for relationships are gold diggers.
You know that many pretty girls in Eastern Europe are gold diggers.

etc.

Just look at the median wage in Eastern Europe. You think pretty young women there WANT to subsist on $500/month ? hahaha

Open your eyes, Chase Amante. OPEN YOUR EYES

Author
Chase Amante's picture

I’ve defined the term here as “a girl who prioritizes a man’s resources over other value he may have to offer.” You’re attempting to expand it to “a girl who values a man’s resources (among other traits)”, which of course catches 99% of the female population, yes.

It also implicitly includes you, I imagine – I dare say if you met a moneyed man, you’d prefer him as a friend over a homeless one.

Here’s the problem with over-broad definitions:

If a girl has any level of interest in a man’s resources, she’s a gold digger.

If a man has any sexual interest in a woman, he’s a sexist.

If an individual notices any differences between races, he’s a racist.

Etc.

The Manosphere is busily doing to itself the same thing feminism and the political correctness brigades did to their selves – undermining what authority they had by shrilly expanding their labels to include everyone, especially regular normal people.

And when a label includes everyone – when everyone is a racist, a sexist, or a gold digger – the label means nothing.

Chase

Jimbo's picture

Hey Chase,

You mentioned futureless, low-rung men like vagabonds, pool boys, gangsters, etc., but you also suggested that they were only interesting to girls -- gold-diggers or not -- if they are otherwise sexy. And that's what I used to think, until I ran into a guy I knew last week that changed my vision on this.

Here's what I think now: I think these guys are actually sexy by virtue of being the lowest society has to offer. See, that guy I ran into at Walmart was a clasmmate of mine in junior high, and from what I heard after that, he dropped out upon finishing (not passing) his high-school freshman year. A few things about him:
- he's really ugly: asymetrical features, weirdly shaped head, verging on freakish;
- he's short, somewhere around 5'6" or 5'7";
- ever since he dropped out, he's been swinging between unemployment and dead-end, low-paying jobs like shelving items in supermarkets;
- he still has that almost retarded ADD blank stare whenever you talk to him;
- he's been having drug problems ever since... ever.

Now here's a guy who has absolutely nothing going for him however you try to slice it, a guy I could knock out with a single punch, I have much more money than he does, am much better looking, a much better job, and the list goes on, and yet he told me he dated Cindy -- some college-educated chick I know who lives in the area with a stable job I think (though I never knew what she does) -- and not only that but she's basically the one providing for him. Now admittedly Cindy isn't that much of a knockout, but still she isn't butt-ugly either. And another thing, he told me he occasionally have flings with various types of women in the area and from the suburbs, though I wouldn't know about the frequency of such occurances.

And it's not like I'm jealous of him because I do good with girls too and realize that my life is overall much more pleasant than his, but all of this made me think that those futureless, lower-rung men -- or what we more commonly call losers -- do have a certain appeal to them simply by virtue of their status. It could be their typically rough exterior, it could be that they don't make the girl feel guilty when they don't end up shacking up with them after sex because they don't have much to offer anyway, it could be --just like with 'bad boys'-- that they provide a getaway or a break from their ordinary lives and ordinary guys, it could be because of the sort of the taboo surrounding this (the last guys parents (or society in general) want to see a girl with are losers)), or it could be that some of them tend to be more masculine especially those who do menial jobs like janitors and pool boys and the likes. Just suppositions, but there's certainly something there.

Jimbo's picture

Okay I just read the "lover/loser" article, and I think I have a clearer picture now. The guy does have a chill demeanor (albeit thanks to weed and low IQ) and few other "desirable" traits despite having nothing going for him on paper.

See, the thing with me is that I'm a loose end-phobic -- I always have to get to the bottom of things, even insignificant things. I mean you'd think I'd be content with just securing good poon for myself as I rationally should, but that Walmart loser has been on my mind for the last ten days because I just want to resolve the mystery of what is it about him that's appealing and why do some chicks go for him. I'd tell myself, "Let it go, man! It's not worth it," but then my emotional self is all, "But... but WHY?!" It's both a feature and a bug.

Anyway, if you have anything to add on the subject that wasn't mentioned in that article I'd be glad to hear it.

Cheers,

Anonymous's picture

Saw this & i think you're thinking about too logically man.

I think it depends on the kinds of options these girls have - Not logically she's this level of attractive so she should have this access to this level of attractive men, but in her everyday day in and out life, what kinds of guys does she meet or come across? That's her realistic pool of dating, IMO.

And also w/ this guy, this is esp where the too logical part comes in. I don't think these girls are breaking it down like you are w/ he has X + Y + Z and doesn't have J, K, L, H, etc. I think it's more of how she feels and then it just happens you know.

So how does she feel around him - Intrigued, attracted, desired, secure caz he's not so attractive + also off-put, slightly repulsed (and the contrast in these emotions might even suck her in her more, Idk tho man, it's different for every girl)?

I think this fits right into this article Chase wrote - http://www.girlschase.com/content/seduction-you-don-t-matter-her-emotion...

Also look at yourself & how much you've thought about him u said over the last 10 days, like you can't get him out of your mind w/ this mysterious appeal he has, i could prob bet some of these girls have got caught up in some part of his enigma & that investment = good

The way I see it is that getting girls is like football & basketball - a game not played on paper. It's a in-the-moment dynamic, and weird things can happen, which makes it cooler caz just like those upset games, and just like this "loser", nobody forgets them.

Jimbo's picture

Interesting perspective. Thanks for sharing man.

Author
Chase Amante's picture

Jimbo-

I don't have all the details, but if I had to guess, this low rung guy takes action to get the women he wants, and that gets him at least some results.

In a society where most men are afraid to take action, simply being a man who takes action can be all the attractive qualities a man needs to get at least a modicum of success. e.g., if the mediocre girl is leading a lonely, boring life, and suddenly this low rung guy appears and offers her cock and companionship, if she isn't getting that elsewhere she may just say "Okay."

Often guys don't want to bother with girls unless they know the girl values them. But guys like this can be 'freer' because they don't care if they're a barely-tolerated walking dildo for a girl; they just want to get their cocks wet. That opens up a lot of possibilities to them that are closed to more discriminating men.

Chase

Jimbo's picture

Good points, Chase.

In an earlier article, you mentioned that one of women's fantasies is having an unavailable man, one they can't quite get or lock down completely. Could the losers' appeal also have some of that?

Faces's picture

Dear Kanye,

(you are the real Kanye I presume)

That shi'cray! Once again your cray cray rant diatribes are causing contraversy... You went and upset Chase and he had to drop the Word on you my nig nog! How's it feel?

Seriously tho, I can't help but notice that Kaitland Jenner checks off 8 out of the 10 signs of a gold digger. Are you saying this applies to transgender people too Kanye?! Lord almighty when will rappers stop bullying chicks with dicks?

I wonder too what the material girl herself, Modonna, who is living in a material world, desperatley trying to keep the gold diggers off her boy Rocco, would think of your over broad definitions, hmmmm.....? Think about it West

HG1940's picture

Thanks for this. I agree with most. Is a very bad combination in any person, when they are ambitious and pretentious, and at the same time they lack skills and independence. Secretaries, receptionists, some assistants, easy degree career girls, etc. It is indeed far more difficult to screen the experts, like the law students you mention. Here in my third world country, I think we have too much of that. is a given one has to provide for most women. But I realize this is mostly my fault because I do not belong to a circle of successful persons, as much as they probably are infiltrated by this kind of girls, I know and have met girls that are actually independent and smart, yet sexy. I just do not belong to their circle. On the other hand I've met girls with incredible credentials and degrees, but that only collect diplomas and medals in a wall without actually earning any penny. Anyways, I am worried that I end up attracted to this kind of girls. this may be related to my background, most of my cousins are this way. My mothers family thought that was the way to go. Lots of nose jobs, chin jobs, and suspiciously rich politicians as husbands. Gonna need some good lobotomy.

Author
Chase Amante's picture

HG1940-

Worthwhile concern. You know, one of the things I did a while back was to condition myself to see past makeup, fake breasts, etc. It took conscious effort for a while to do, but you see past these things in the end.

When I see a girl with makeup on, I'm pretty good at estimating what she actually looked like underneath. I'm a lot better at recognizing nose jobs, fake eyelashes, and the like, and when I see girls with breast implants I automatically view them as flat-chested (not to mention insecure - women with implants are 3x as likely to commit suicide than women without).

Takes away a lot of the power these tools have to deceive and lets you pick women who look the same in the morning as they do at night. Not to mention if kids are in the cards your children will look like you and her, instead of you + an uglier, more flat-chested version of her.

Chase

SanDiego's picture

hey again Chase, thanks for the reply to my confidence ? on another article. looking forward to that article

Reading this article where you said you like "....confident..." women, etc. From what I see in my large-population college, women are more often that not not so confident, ranging more from reserved-then-open-up-to-you to normal sociable or even to more shy. These are experiences just in general, not just seduction-type. Why are some women (a smaller proportion of the whole in college/prob afterwards too) really confident & smoother than most while others are not? What do you think causes the differences? For me, I like the shyer-to-normal-sociable ones caz I like the feeling of taking care of them.

Also personally, why do you like confident women over shyer or more-reserved women? Is it because of the less emotional attachment & emotional association you went over in http://www.girlschase.com/content/navigating-culture-me ?

Author
Chase Amante's picture

SD-

Why some women are confident and others are not I could not say. Perhaps it's inborn, perhaps it stems from life experiences, or more likely it's some mixture of the two. But I suspect the reasons are not much different from the reasons why some men are confident, while many others are not, too.

I like confident women for reasons probably opposite yours. I'm a busy guy and if a girl needs me to take care of her it burdens and frustrates me. So I like independence. I also find that soft women get steamrolled by me; I break them down and turn them into desperate, clingy messes. Or maybe they're always that way and just need a softer touch than mine, I'm not sure. A confident woman is able to resist my worldview and consider points I make on their own merits without total buy-in / submission to me. I guess you'd say I want a strong lieutenant who's able to question me and remonstrate with me in the event I'm getting too big a head or heading off in too quixotic a direction, rather than a loyal soldier who will follow me unquestioningly but fail to be able to break through to me when I need someone to check me or rein me in.

Chase

Robinhood's picture

Hey Chase!

Im from a conservative asian country. People here dont take well to mixing genders. How to respond when some authority forbids you to talk to a girl.. e.g. you can't talk to girls here. I have no problem when its fair but when it is discriminatory as some can talk freely while others receive adverserial reactions especially if they perceive you as a "threat" to oh so innocent girls but have no problem with chodes mingling with girls as they are "safe".

If i respond and stand my ground, especially if its on initial approach, it comes across as needy to the girl like im trying to go a long way when i dont even know her. If i just accpet the guard's frame, that comes across as spineless. Whats the appropriate response when this happens on initial approach and what can be done in the same situation when you are with a girlfriend (you guys cant sit,stand,talk here)

Author
Chase Amante's picture

Robinhood-

Best response for these types of situations is to make it "us vs. the guard" and move the girl somewhere with you.

Like so:

You: Excuse me, I saw you walking here and I just had to come tell you... That dress is absolutely ravishing. I'm Robin.

Her: Thank you! I'm Lia!

You: Lia! That's a-

Guard: [puts hand on you] I'm sorry, you can't disturb our patrons here.

You: [turn to girl, make an exaggerated surprised face] Okay, guess they don't want us talking here. Let's move over there. [gesture to somewhere nearby and start moving her there]

If the guard is particularly strong about it and says no, sorry, you cannot talk to her, then just tell her this guy's being really weird and let's go outside for a minute.

If she likes you, she'll go. If she doesn't, oh well, right?

Also, for prevention purposes, it might help you if you carry a bag around with you from one of the stores in the location (if it's a mall, etc.). They're less likely to stop a customer than they are someone who's just there to trawl the mall for phone numbers and not to buy anything.

Chase

Robinhood's picture

Another major thing i'm having trouble with is making the transition from an arrogant to genuine man. Sometimes i go overboard and be extra nice to people which hurts me in the end. It is said the best way to live is to have a healthy relationship with humans. Where do we draw the line between co-operative and competitive? I mean looking for self is first priority. How frequently can you be ruthless or go for the jugular and friendly? How much nice can one afford to be?

On the other hand, sometimes i have doubts about shedding my arrogant shield as i believe i will revert back to my nice guy ways which i worked so hard to get rid of. I start to think dark side has its uses when i'm feeling down and don't get what i want. Thoughts?

Author
Chase Amante's picture

Robin-

Yeah, it's a difficult transition. You'll go back and forth for a while, from "too much of an asshole" to "too nice" and then back again. I can't tell you what the right mix is because it's calibration to your individual personality. You just need to experiment with different "doses" of asshole-ish-ness and calibrate better.

I'll tell you for me the right mix seems to be teasing girls a bit, then backing off and rebuilding attainability. Then teasing them a bit more. Tease them harder if they're closed/resistant, lighter if they're warm.

Also, extreme sensitivity toward whether someone is trying to help you socially or hinder you. If he's trying to help you, you maybe give him a few friendly jabs and otherwise ignore silly stuff he says or does (unless you must address it). If he's trying to hinder you, you turn on full asshole mode and throw him under the bus, and give him a lukewarm reception if/when he tries to crawl back and play nice (since he's shown you he's a shark, and shark's only play nice to get you to lower your guard enough for another shark attack).

Chase

Robinhood's picture

Another major thing i'm having trouble with is making the transition from an arrogant to genuine man. Sometimes i go overboard and be extra nice to people which hurts me in the end. It is said the best way to live is to have a healthy relationship with humans. Where do we draw the line between co-operative and competitive? I mean looking for self is first priority. How frequently can you be ruthless or go for the jugular and friendly? How much nice can one afford to be? Moreover, being humble can come across as timid and less confident at times.

On the other hand, sometimes i have doubts about shedding my arrogant shield as i believe i will revert back to my nice guy ways which i worked so hard to get rid of. I start to think dark side has its uses when i'm feeling down and don't get what i want. Thoughts?

Jimbo's picture

I'm just gonna leave this here.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HtuY3VKXyjI

Niko's picture

In this article, you write:

"Women are the evaluators of builders. They pick the best builder they can get their hands on, and shag him well or lock him down."

In other words - Women are gold diggers (to varying degrees).

"But they have to be wary. They have to keep their eyes peeled for changing tides and fortunes. If his go south, they need to be ready to abandon ship and find someone more suitable for the value they have on offer, who can better provide for them and their family, or provide a superior genetic payday."

In other words - Hypergamy or Monkey Branching is real.

Why are you contradicting yourself and confusing young men on the internet?

Author
Chase Amante's picture

Nice try. But all you've done is rehash of Kanye West's comment at the start of this comments thread. See my response to him here:

Over-Broad Definitions Kill Meaning

The man's role is to provide support for his family. You cannot escape this. It is an engrained biological role. No matter how many MRA rallies you go to and scream about the need for total equality and sameness between men and women, men will always be the providers in long-term relationships.

Calling a woman "monkey-branching" for jumping ship when a man stops caring for his woman and family is like calling a man "monkey-branching" for jumping ship when his woman gains 300 pounds, closes her legs to him, and starts to treat him like garbage.

While there are some bitter women who will call any man who leaves any woman for any reason a chauvanist pig, and while there are some bitter men who will call any woman who leaves any man for any reason a scheming hypergamist, this angry minority with its cloudy worldview is only able to exist in an echo chamber where it shouts out at enemies who do not listen and bandies about cautionary tales into which it reads motives that often were never there.

I suggest you interpret whatever troubles you've had with women not as a symptom of hypergamous women leaving you for men who must doubtless have all been wealthier or higher status than you, but instead as a symptom for the black and white thinking you use to think about, well, probably pretty much everything. Negative attitudes toward women drive women away like shots in the forest do deer.

Chase

SZ's picture

Chase,

I don't want to join a frat at all.

What can I do to still have fun at University and sleep with tons of girls without having to join a frat or anything?

I'm a bit older, and I dress a lot better than a majority of the school.

Jimbo's picture

Learn to play guitar, preferably while singing. Then gather a group of at least three of your acquaintances and play for them on the campus lawn. Other chicks will automatically flock in and open up to you.

Just make sure at least one of the acquaintances you'll be playing for is female -- it makes it easier to attract other females.

Surefire way to get an attractive girlfriend and just get laid in general. And the more popular you'll become because of this and the better you play (and sing) the easier it will be for you to charm the girls and hook up.

German Shepherd's picture

Chase good stuff man.

Was wondering how do you understand women like this, to know who they are & what they value & how they see themselves & their world - how can I break down women (not just gold diggers but all kinds of girls) & people to the teeth of who they are like u do?

I want to be able to do this in my life. I feel it would save a lot of time over the long-run to recognize patterns & draw associations & to be able to break things down on my own to my own situations & then I can make my own decisions to a better degree. Thanks bud

Author
Chase Amante's picture

German-

I'll try to give this treatment in an article at some point.

But essentially, it comes down to how accurate your mental model is to a given type of person.

Empathy is a part of it. So is a broad enough range of experiences that you can put yourself into a diverse array of individuals' shoes. Beyond that, it's just spending time with types of women, talking to them in depth about their motivations, and monitoring them for their emotional reactions to gauge when they're telling you an actual reason versus a rationalized one.

Fighting with girls successfully and getting to the roots of problems can also be helpful in shoring up your mental models. e.g., during fights, girls will often attack you along one or two dimensions, only for you to discover later on that the real issue was something completely different. As you go through fights like these, if you're tuned in and revising your mental models as they happen, you will gradually refine these models and get increasingly robust mental models this way too.

I also had the fortune (or not) to spend my middle school and early high school years pursuing what was in essence a female dating strategy (trying to catch girls' eyes, get them to approach, get them to ask me out, etc.). That gave me about 4 years of experiencing to large extent what dating is like for women. I would never in a million years want to go back to that (it's all waiting and hoping and being disappointed constantly), but it's much easier for me to think about how women think - I can just think back and remember how I reacted or would've reacted in a similar situation to the one the woman is in.

Chase

LoverBoy's picture

Hey Chase,

I read somewehre on here once about the mind rationalizing out of going out & I feel like I do that quite a bit & then over time, life kind of winds down on me & i don't make much progress caz I'm not consistent enough. I'm still young & I don't want to waste time in life. Do you have any articles about

-motivation go out, talk to girls, get better skills, etc.
-stop rationalizing out of going out/effort
-stop being so lazy & do more stuff/action

Thanks - Loverboy

SZ's picture

Chase,

1.Where can you meet girls that are not super ambitious or make a lot of money Chase?

what type of girls are these?

Are there older girls like this as well or are they mostly younger?

I'm talking about right now while I'm in college and later on in life.

I don't want a lazy dumb girl, but I wouldn't refuse.

I just don't want a girl that's ambitious like that, that's not my type of woman that I want to date.

I will make a lot of money in the future, and I like women who are more laid back and doesn't worry about stuff like that.

2. how did you date super ambitious girls that made/make more money than you?

3.. When did this start happening for you? Can beginners get attractive girls like that or only intermediate and up?

4. Might as well ask; where can I find dumb girls who arent ambitious at all? I'm talking all age ranges (college and up)

Jimbo's picture

So if I understand correctly, you're into making a lot of money and are into women who are the opposite of that. If that's the case, here's what you do:

1. Wear a suit.

2. Go to a beauty parlor near closing time.

3. Wait for one of the workers there to get out.

4. Approach her and tell her you're interested in opening a beauty parlor in another area (far enough to not be a threatening competition to where she works) and you'd like to have her perspective on it. Say you have a few questions you'd like to ask her about that, and ask if she'd like to answer them over a lunch you'd treat her to. If you look businesslike enough, 90% chances she'll gladly say yes.

5. When you meet up, ask her genuine things about the general equipment such a parlor requires, how many workers, customer turnover, etc. It's best if you take some kind of notebook and a pen and jot down the inside information she gives you. Tell her you're still assessing the area you want to open the joint in.

6. When you finish getting the information you want, you can deep-dive a little with the girl in question, by starting with something like, "I see you know your way around a beauty parlor. You must've worked there for quite a while, huh?" Then gauge her feelings about her job and her degree of ambition. If she's as unambitious as you'd like to be, and she's responsive to the deep-diving, flirt with her; if she flirts back, escalate things and treat the whole thing as a regular approach.

7. If you hook up with her or date her, then you've got the chick you've been looking for. If not, then you have some precious information for a possible future investment.

SF's picture

Chase,

I'm early 20s, kinda shy and also inexperienced.

I get interest from many different kinds of girls but I am looking more for relationship/experience and want a girl who is looking for a guy like me for better experience.

I get interest from younger girls & girls in mid-20s. Some seem shy, some seem more confident & experienced, some seem sexual, etc. What kind of girls would be looking for a guy who is shy and doesn't really know sexual stuff, & prefer a guy like me? - SF

Dud's picture

".... and want a girl who is looking for a guy like me for better experience."
No you don't. That's a lousy experience."

"I get interest..."
Good. You're doing something right.

" What kind of girls would be looking for a guy who is shy and doesn't really know sexual stuff, & prefer a guy like me?"
Perhaps the odd cougar, perhaps a girl who'se been really screwed up by a series of bad experiences, neither of these are good for you.

You need to go step by step. There's plenty of stuff on here that you can use; Find somewhere no-one knows you so you can act a part (confident sexual guy - fake it 'til you make it), try day game, DON'T DRINK, keep notes, rinse and repeat.

Make a six month plan and you'll be galloping by spring.

Cheerio,

SF's picture

Thanks for the reply man, but that is too much for me.

I am just looking for a girlfriend and some girl experience. Nothing too hard for me to achieve.

Of the girls I see around, I'm thinking the girls who would fit me would be the prettier but less sexy/sexualized & more inexperienced girls. These kinds of girls are usually the ones who show me stronger initial interest. I can tell they're inexperienced too caz they usually get nervous & awkward more when they're around me.

Even tho I am shy in talking to girls, I already kinda come across like a sexual guy caz girls I talk to or sometimes even look at can usually feel my desire right away. But I am looking for a girl to be together with, sex and hanging out for fun. That would give me confidence and a good experience.

Author
Chase Amante's picture

SF-

It sounds like you already have an idea of what kind of girl you want.

I generally recommend younger guys have an older/more experienced girlfriend at some point, often early on, because she will teach you a lot you'd need to spend a long time figuring out on your own otherwise. She doesn't have to be a Mrs. Robinson, but a girl who's got 5 to 10 years on you can shorten the learning curve a lot when you're young.

Barring that, these two articles might help you get a better bead on the kind of girl in particular you're targeting:

Chase

SZ's picture

I read about the winner effect article.

My thing is..... how do you win when you mostly lose?

I mostly lose or I don't do well with things most of the time.

I keep trying, but I do not win.

It ranges from everything in life.

I just don't win.

Not winning makes it hard to not have victim mentally and think negative.

How can you if you lose constantly no matter how much you practice or try to think positive?

It's like I have bad luck or something.

I see it a lot with my friends.

a big majority of the time, I'm the loser.

whether that's being the odd ball or third wheel after a failed night

or even to winning bets, games, etc.

even jobs, and luck at all.

I don't win.

I am not trying to be negative at all, but I'm just speaking on how things are.

How do I finally start winning?

P.S. Random question, but I figured I'd ask, do you know anything about casinos? like how to do well in them, like what games to play for better luck and what not?

Thanks

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Chase Amante's picture

SZ-

Check out this recent article on this:

Tactics Tuesdays: Destroy Your Own Learned Helplessness

As for casinos, I only gamble with my life, never my money. I can tell you they are seriously rigged against the gamblers, and are designed to maximize engagement by providing enough wins to keep you playing and addicted, while overall taking more and more of your money. e.g., you win 40% of the time and lose 60% of the time, stuff like that. Lights, loud noises, free drinks are all designed to make you bet more (and there are studies on this).

I had a friend who worked for a casino who let me know they'd removed many of the smaller payouts (e.g., $500 wins) on their slot machines and just left some of the really small $10 and $50 payouts, plus the big million dollar payouts. One guy wins a million bucks and it goes in the newspapers and he tells all his friends, and that brings a flock of new business to the casino. However, for every million the casino pays out to some lucky guy, it fleeces another $2 million or $3 million or more from a bunch of far less lucky schlubs.

However, the way our minds work, we all feel confident that we'll be the one lucky schlub, and losing is just for all those other losers who aren't us.

The way you win at the casino is by doing not-illegal things that casinos nevertheless ban, like counting cards, and just trying not to get caught before you cash your chips out. The way you come as close to drawing even as possible is to buy one of the poker hit-fold cards they sell at all the hotels around Vegas and just following that to the 't' when you play. The card tells you exactly when to hit or fold based on the hand you've got.

Ultimately, to win at gambling takes a lot of hard mathematical ability and heavy number crunching, plus lots and lots of experience and discipline (have to be able to walk away after heavy enough losses, and not do what most folks do, which is to double down and try to win it all back - usually instead just going deeper in the hole). If you want to pursue gambling, I suggest signing up for some advanced math classes first.

Otherwise, just treat it as a fun diversion where you will lose money overall, but hopefully have some fun doing it. You lose money when you go to the movie theater, you lose money when you go on vacation, and you lose money in the casino too (even if some of the time you win money, the net will invariably be negative).

Chase

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