5 Ways Guys Blow the First Kiss (Plus How Not To)

Neal-

When you try too hard to be useful, it signals to women that you have low mate value, and they will use you only for whatever non-romantic value you provide.

When I worked in a tire shop, there was a sales guy everyone in the store hated. I forget his name now, but let's call him Clint. Clint had the most punchable face ever, he tried to micromanage everyone in the shop, and he would literally race out the door to try to be the first one to talk to every customer to get every sale, instead of taking turns like the rest of us sales guys did. I learned to look out the window to see when a car was pulling in, then quietly slip out through the shop to greet the customer and get his information before he even walked into the shop. Then I'd slip back in, the customer would come in, ignore Clint as Clint raced up to him, and walk up to me. Clint could never figure out why all these customers started ignoring him.

Well, one day one of the shop technicians, a guy named Joe, saw Clint at the mall with three beautiful teenage girls. Joe was confused what the girls were doing with Clint. So when they wandered off to do shopping, while Clint waited elsewhere, Joe caught up with them and asked what they were doing with him. They all laughed and said they were too young to drive, but Clint drove them around wherever they wanted. They said they didn't like him at all and thought he was a complete loser, and just used him for the rides. Despite how much everybody loathed the guy (Joe more than anyone else), we all felt kinda bad for him and talked about whether we should tell him this and give him a hand or something.

Then he ended up being a counselor at a summer camp and having some 14 y/o girl (Clint was 20, IIRC) accuse him of cornering her and kiss-raping her, and nobody had any sympathy for him anymore. He spent all this time frantically telling us how he had not kiss-raped her and that actually she had pursued him! To which we all said... even if that is true, if you're a counselor, why would you let a 14 year old girl kiss you? No answer from him to that question.

Anyway.

I read this stuff about buying umbrellas to hand out, or having sunscreen to whip out and offer to girls, and immediately I see Clint popping into my mind.

I don't think I'd thought of that guy in 14 or 15 years. Immediately as soon I read this comment by you, there he was, in my mind all over again.

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If you want women to talk to you first, get famous.

Be a local DJ everyone knows.

Or, get jacked, become an expert martial artist, then start working as a doorman, and work your way up to a top bar/club. Women will talk to you all day long trying to skip the line and get in your good graces.

Women are not going to talk to you first because they want to shag when you are just a random dude. Women seek attention (they want men to pursue them to give them this) or they seek commitment (which they also stand a far better chance to get if the man pursues). Only a select very few women, with unusually high sex drives or extremely outgoing personalities, will do much opening themselves.

Other than that, there are ways to get approached... sometimes. I've talked about it before on Girls Chase. But you are never going to meet many women relying on this; it's just a nice thing to play around with occasionally.

Unless you are famous, or you are a bouncer or some other position of status, you either talk first, or you don't get to talk.

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I often post ads on Chicago Craigslist, as "31/male virgin looking for  employment" (along with my photo of course, wearing a suit and tie and  holding a rose)

Who is going to respond to this?

It's clear you not only do not understand the people you want to have do things (women, and employers). You don't even attempt to copy what other (successful) people do. And instead just do stuff that sends everyone running in the opposite direction.

No employer is going to respond to someone identifying himself as a "31/male virgin." Not because no one will hire a 31 y/o male virgin, but because nobody who wants to hire someone wants to be loaded up with that person's personal problems. I'd happily hire a virgin, so long as I didn't know he was a virgin, or anything about his personal life. If he came to me telling me he was a virgin, or if he came to me telling me he had 200 lays, or if he came to me telling me he had a wife and 10 kids, I would just pass. Whatever I'm hiring for, it's not to have a guy tell me all about his personal life.

No woman is going to respond to that ad either. Women want successful, capable guys. Telling them you're a virgin tells them you're not that. Telling them you're unemployed (when they know nothing else attractive about you), again, tells them you're not that.

Also, no employer trawls Craig's List looking for ads by some guy saying "unemployed, looking for work." I do a fair bit of hiring and I have never once done that. I don't know anyone who's done that. I don't know what you could find doing that, aside from a handful of unskilled people who aren't savvy enough to apply for a job in a normal way (like walking into the office, or going to a networking event, or a job fair, or finding a recruiter). And nobody wants to hire those people anyway. People want people who already have skills, who can do stuff.

The only people I would expect to respond to that ad would be gay guys offering to pay you and/or take your (anal) virginity for you, which it looks like you say is what you get. Which is what I'd expect.

Basically if I live to be an old man, I'd love to publish how I sucked  at getting girls and jobs at the same time, and you have my permission  to put me on the spotlight.

I get the impression you do not feel a strong sense of urgency to figure these things out.

Obviously, you are not following simple best practices, either with girl-getting or job-hunting. And don't care to.

You are trying to invent your own way, without understanding any ways that actually work, and failing.

Just keep in mind: every legendary composer, every great painter, every remarkable filmmaker, writer, inventor, mathematician, seducer... you name it... they all started out copying as closely they could what other people who were already effective did first.

Then, once they had that mastered, and only then, did they start experimenting with new stuff.

If you flip those things, you could spend an eternity trying to figure out how to do even very simple things, and still fail.

Sooner or later, you are going to need to decide to set your pride aside, and sock your imagination away in a vault for a while, and just do exactly what the people who are already effective do first.

Then, once you get that to work consistently well, you can start experimenting with all sorts of strange new things. Because by then you will actually have an understanding of what works and why, instead of trying a bunch of things that cannot work because they violate basic principles of what others humans are looking for when they think to themselves "Hmm, whom would I like to have sex with?" or "I wonder whom I should hire?"

Chase