5 Ways Guys Blow the First Kiss (Plus How Not To) | Girls Chase

5 Ways Guys Blow the First Kiss (Plus How Not To)

Chase Amante

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first kiss mistakesToday we're going to talk about how guys get the first kiss wrong.

We've had a slew of articles on Girls Chase about how to get the first kiss right.

It's a fairly long list:

  1. How to Kiss Her: kiss basics

  2. Manhandle Kisses: an aggressive, dominant kiss

  3. Can't-Miss Tips for Getting the First Kiss with a Girl: tips for the first kiss

  4. How to Kiss a Girl Like No One's Ever Kissed Her Before: step-by-step kiss guide

  5. How to Kiss Girls in Public and Have It Go Great: kissing girls in public

  6. How to Be a Good Kisser: 5 Steps to Confident Kissing: mindsets, techniques, and tactics for great kisses

  7. Tactics Tuesdays: How to Make Her Kiss You Back: getting her to kiss you back when you kiss

  8. The Kiss and Other Mouth Moves in Physical Escalation: using kisses to move the courtship forward

  9. Tactics Tuesdays: The 5-Second Kiss: kiss a girl five seconds after you first meet

  10. Tactics Tuesdays: Kisses for Good Behavior: reward her with a kiss

  11. 3 Legendary Movie Manhandle Kisses to Model Your Kisses After: examples of manhandle kisses in action, so you can see exactly what these look like

One subject we haven't delved into on kisses much though, is things to avoid doing with the kiss.

All those first kiss mistakes you can (and many guys do) make.

We've talked about some things to avoid here and there. But we haven't covered them all. And not all in the same place.

For this piece, I've compiled the top five ways guys blow the first kiss. They're all here in one place, for your easy perusal.

Note that I am going to leave out the most common way guys blow the first kiss, which is to not actually make the first kiss at all. Whether that is because they wait too long for the right moment, or they even feel the right moment but can't summon the courage to kiss, this is the most common way to blow it. However, we've addressed this mistake extensively in the other kiss articles (above). In this article I want to focus on things guys do wrong when they make the actual kiss (rather than wilt out of hesitation).

After we talk about each way to botch the kiss, of course, we'll talk about how to not blow these aspects of the kiss, too.

Here's the list of the top five biggest ways guys blow that first kiss (and how not to).

Chase AmanteAbout the Author: Chase Amante

Chase woke up one day in 2004 tired of being alone. So, he set to work and read every book he could find, studied every teacher he could meet, and talked to every girl he could talk to to figure out dating. After four years, scads of lays, and many great girlfriends (plus plenty of failures along the way), he launched this website. He will teach you everything he knows about girls in one single program in his One Date System.



Neal's picture

New article ideas.

Years ago you had an article just on using the line "Don't you just hate it when ..." and used at places like grocery stores.

Well I was thinking of 1, and to use on a cashier at a checkout line, stuff like "If you were my girlfriend, ..."

The ... for me would be "I would be so proud of you," "I'd make you a model, etc."


Anyways, I don't believe you have an article on this, but I was looking for ideas to do something in the presence of a woman that can really show good traits.

For example, suppose I arrive at a bus stop and I see beautiful lady, what could I do to really impress her? Well, if a man walks by, and he litters in front of me, I could get on his case and demand he picks up after him and throws to garbage can. You'd have to somewhat be a tough guy to do this, or a simpler method take out a dollar bill and offer it to him etc.

But that would be waiting for a situation. So the 1 I love to use, is garbage pick-up. In front of a woman, you look on the ground, pick-up the garbage, and throw it to a garbage can. (It's hard to want to do this when no attractive women is watching.). And I'm looking for situations that don't involve another person. Can you guys think of any other such examples. Thanks.


Chase Amante's picture


It sounds like what you're looking for are ways to display prosocial qualities.

This generally isn't necessary... if you want to approach, just approach.

But I will say if you see an opportunity to effortlessly display prosocial tendencies, it will help your approach.

Some good ones that pop into mind:

  • Give money to the homeless
  • Help someone out with directions
  • Pay genuine compliments to people
  • Strike up a friendly chat with someone nearby
  • Aid someone struggling with a heavy/awkward package

I would not run after a guy and scold him to throw away his litter. There's a chance it might work, but it also might just make you look anal-retentive. Nor would I view picking up litter and disposing of it yourself as particularly attractive... it's sort of an unusual flex.

Instead, I would look for situations you can show prosocial qualities, toward other people -- and then switch over to the appraoch on your girl quickly enough that you make it before she's wandered off or lost interest in the little show you put on (usually that'll mean 2-3 minutes later... or sooner, depending on the scenario).


Neal's picture

Yea Chase basically I'm looking for list of things to be useful to. Example: on a rainy day, driving around in a car stocked full of umbrellas, and looking for women caught in the rain and offering free umbrellas. That would be me but I don't got a driver's license. But seriously, in the summer time, I carry sunscreen and if I see a woman that's overly burnt... 1 time I even overheard a girl saying she forgot to put sunscreen on and so...

Can you think of any others?

Btw, this is off topic and off-jurisdiction, but not only am I da 31 year-old virgin experimenting with trying to get women to talk to me 1st, I've also basically been unemployed my whole life, with either part-time or minimum wage jobs. A couple nights ago, on a public train at night I saw a big beautiful White women, like 6 foot tall, with big forearms. I asked her if she works out at all (pause) then asked how many push-ups she can do. As predicted, she ignored. 90% of the time when I be te 1st to say something to White women, they ignore, and for Hispanic women, 15%. Black girls even less.

But all the part-time and minimum wage jobs I've had, I was basically the only White guy working with all Mexicans.

I graduated 7 years ago from a 4-year state university with a major in chemistry, and a minor in computer science. And essentially never used it, because like manufacturing jobs, chemisty jobs are all looking for someone with prior lab experience, and I have none from work. I did have 2 lab tech jobs but they weren't really anything - 1 was minimum wage, and 1 didn't require a 4 year-degree. And both lasted 3 and 4 months.

I know this is not GC jurisdiction to cover "getting job," but I thought I'd like to share, I've been a homeless for 2 years sleeping in an abandoned building, due to having part-time jobs. Now I live in my Dad's basement. I'm thinking of going to the 2-year colleges to get a certificate program on fixing cars (5 courses). Then I could put on my resume as having a automotive fixing cars certificate, as well as apply to Craigslist jobs for car mechanics.

Yea, I definitely picked the wrong gender to be born. It's tough finding female friends and employment. Now, I consider myself the male-equivalent of a hoe. If I were female, I'd sleep my way around getting jobs and such, with as many men as possible. And frown at all the nuns and religious women that think I'm dirty.  But being the male gender means it's tough getting girls or jobs. I often post ads on Chicago Craigslist, as "31/male virgin looking for employment" (along with my photo of course, wearing a suit and tie and holding a rose), but don't actually talk about my girl problems, only unemployment problems, such as sleeping in an abandoned building for 2 years. Sometimes I even post "31/male virgin worth $35,000" (which is how much I'm worth) but yea, all gay guys mostly responding, and post being flagged for removal.

Basically if I live to be an old man, I'd love to publish how I sucked at getting girls and jobs at the same time, and you have my permission to put me on the spotlight.

Chase Amante's picture


When you try too hard to be useful, it signals to women that you have low mate value, and they will use you only for whatever non-romantic value you provide.

When I worked in a tire shop, there was a sales guy everyone in the store hated. I forget his name now, but let's call him Clint. Clint had the most punchable face ever, he tried to micromanage everyone in the shop, and he would literally race out the door to try to be the first one to talk to every customer to get every sale, instead of taking turns like the rest of us sales guys did. I learned to look out the window to see when a car was pulling in, then quietly slip out through the shop to greet the customer and get his information before he even walked into the shop. Then I'd slip back in, the customer would come in, ignore Clint as Clint raced up to him, and walk up to me. Clint could never figure out why all these customers started ignoring him.

Well, one day one of the shop technicians, a guy named Joe, saw Clint at the mall with three beautiful teenage girls. Joe was confused what the girls were doing with Clint. So when they wandered off to do shopping, while Clint waited elsewhere, Joe caught up with them and asked what they were doing with him. They all laughed and said they were too young to drive, but Clint drove them around wherever they wanted. They said they didn't like him at all and thought he was a complete loser, and just used him for the rides. Despite how much everybody loathed the guy (Joe more than anyone else), we all felt kinda bad for him and talked about whether we should tell him this and give him a hand or something.

Then he ended up being a counselor at a summer camp and having some 14 y/o girl (Clint was 20, IIRC) accuse him of cornering her and kiss-raping her, and nobody had any sympathy for him anymore. He spent all this time frantically telling us how he had not kiss-raped her and that actually she had pursued him! To which we all said... even if that is true, if you're a counselor, why would you let a 14 year old girl kiss you? No answer from him to that question.


I read this stuff about buying umbrellas to hand out, or having sunscreen to whip out and offer to girls, and immediately I see Clint popping into my mind.

I don't think I'd thought of that guy in 14 or 15 years. Immediately as soon I read this comment by you, there he was, in my mind all over again.


If you want women to talk to you first, get famous.

Be a local DJ everyone knows.

Or, get jacked, become an expert martial artist, then start working as a doorman, and work your way up to a top bar/club. Women will talk to you all day long trying to skip the line and get in your good graces.

Women are not going to talk to you first because they want to shag when you are just a random dude. Women seek attention (they want men to pursue them to give them this) or they seek commitment (which they also stand a far better chance to get if the man pursues). Only a select very few women, with unusually high sex drives or extremely outgoing personalities, will do much opening themselves.

Other than that, there are ways to get approached... sometimes. I've talked about it before on Girls Chase. But you are never going to meet many women relying on this; it's just a nice thing to play around with occasionally.

Unless you are famous, or you are a bouncer or some other position of status, you either talk first, or you don't get to talk.


I often post ads on Chicago Craigslist, as "31/male virgin looking for  employment" (along with my photo of course, wearing a suit and tie and  holding a rose)

Who is going to respond to this?

It's clear you not only do not understand the people you want to have do things (women, and employers). You don't even attempt to copy what other (successful) people do. And instead just do stuff that sends everyone running in the opposite direction.

No employer is going to respond to someone identifying himself as a "31/male virgin." Not because no one will hire a 31 y/o male virgin, but because nobody who wants to hire someone wants to be loaded up with that person's personal problems. I'd happily hire a virgin, so long as I didn't know he was a virgin, or anything about his personal life. If he came to me telling me he was a virgin, or if he came to me telling me he had 200 lays, or if he came to me telling me he had a wife and 10 kids, I would just pass. Whatever I'm hiring for, it's not to have a guy tell me all about his personal life.

No woman is going to respond to that ad either. Women want successful, capable guys. Telling them you're a virgin tells them you're not that. Telling them you're unemployed (when they know nothing else attractive about you), again, tells them you're not that.

Also, no employer trawls Craig's List looking for ads by some guy saying "unemployed, looking for work." I do a fair bit of hiring and I have never once done that. I don't know anyone who's done that. I don't know what you could find doing that, aside from a handful of unskilled people who aren't savvy enough to apply for a job in a normal way (like walking into the office, or going to a networking event, or a job fair, or finding a recruiter). And nobody wants to hire those people anyway. People want people who already have skills, who can do stuff.

The only people I would expect to respond to that ad would be gay guys offering to pay you and/or take your (anal) virginity for you, which it looks like you say is what you get. Which is what I'd expect.

Basically if I live to be an old man, I'd love to publish how I sucked  at getting girls and jobs at the same time, and you have my permission  to put me on the spotlight.

I get the impression you do not feel a strong sense of urgency to figure these things out.

Obviously, you are not following simple best practices, either with girl-getting or job-hunting. And don't care to.

You are trying to invent your own way, without understanding any ways that actually work, and failing.

Just keep in mind: every legendary composer, every great painter, every remarkable filmmaker, writer, inventor, mathematician, seducer... you name it... they all started out copying as closely they could what other people who were already effective did first.

Then, once they had that mastered, and only then, did they start experimenting with new stuff.

If you flip those things, you could spend an eternity trying to figure out how to do even very simple things, and still fail.

Sooner or later, you are going to need to decide to set your pride aside, and sock your imagination away in a vault for a while, and just do exactly what the people who are already effective do first.

Then, once you get that to work consistently well, you can start experimenting with all sorts of strange new things. Because by then you will actually have an understanding of what works and why, instead of trying a bunch of things that cannot work because they violate basic principles of what others humans are looking for when they think to themselves "Hmm, whom would I like to have sex with?" or "I wonder whom I should hire?"


Neal's picture

Re: "Be a local DJ everyone knows.

Or, get jacked, become an expert martial artist, then start working as a
doorman, and work your way up to a top bar/club. Women will talk to you all
day long trying to skip the line and get in your good graces."

Wow Chase, you remind me of this 1 guy who worked as a DJ, well he joined a gang or ws already part of it and did some shootings at a rival gang. Within days the rival gangs killed him. However, it seems lots of women have set photos of him as their "cover photo" on Facebook. An angelic photo of him. He was that popular.

As for my Craigslist ad, I wasn't really doing it to get hired. I was seeking validation as well as comments, like what advice would successful White guys give me?

I had 1 girl respond with how is it you survive without a job for so long and I replied "I live for free, unemployed for 9 months, and am worth $35,000." She responded a drooling emoji or so. But she didn't include a pic (as most White women are, presuming she is) so I didn't respond. On Craigslist when Black girls post ads 90% of the time they post their pic and White women 90% of the time they don't post their pic.

But... this is also an experiment to see, that gay men are more likely to respond to my ad than straight woman. And so far the only people that responded to my ad for sex or money for sex are gay males so.

As for Clint, there's been 9 women in my life I slid a $20 bill down their cleavage and all Hispanic girls none that are White, I'm just like a lot of Black and Brown guys who are afraid to approach White women due to fear of being snitched on.

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