12 Things Every Man Should Have Handled by Age 35 | Girls Chase

12 Things Every Man Should Have Handled by Age 35

Chase Amante

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things men should have handled
There’s a lot to focus on in life, and little guidance. Where should you concentrate your efforts? To these 12 key areas: women, money, strategy, and more.

I’ve had guys ask me over the years what areas of their lives to focus on outside of women. And younger guys have asked what they ought to have handled as they get older. Society’s grown more complex than at perhaps any other time in history, due to myriad factors. However, one of the biggest factors has been the near-total abandonment of preparing young people for what to expect in life.

In place of lessons and guidance, we give them feel-good Hollywood films and vapid platitudes. Things that for prior generations were known and expected in life are surprises for the generations now coming of age, left to their own devices to figure these things out (or not).

So I’ve worked to set out a list here of the 12 most important things for a man to have handled before he turns 35. If you’re young, these are the items in life you need to concentrate your energy on. If you’re older and you haven’t handled all these yet, it’s not too late to start. This isn’t a list designed to make you ‘feel bad’ if you haven’t accomplished these yet – this article isn’t about ‘feelings’. This article is about masculine concerns: what areas of your life can you work on that will improve your life?

The more work you do on these 12 areas, the better your life will be.

If your life is already awesome, improve these areas and it will become more awesome. If it’s less than awesome, improve these areas and you will change that too. Note that some men have some degree of natural ability in some of these areas. But no one is a natural at them all – and every man has room to improve in each.

Chase AmanteAbout the Author: Chase Amante

Chase woke up one day in 2004 tired of being alone. So, he set to work and read every book he could find, studied every teacher he could meet, and talked to every girl he could talk to to figure out dating. After four years, scads of lays, and many great girlfriends (plus plenty of failures along the way), he launched this website. He will teach you everything he knows about girls in one single program in his One Date System.

GET CHASE’S ONE DATE SYSTEM

Comments

Abazid 's picture

You Made Me cry. I am approaching 33, I have tried to achieve all of these with Absolutely failure.

Going to the Gym doing big movements with perfect technique yet small as an insect. Luckily i have muscles small as they are.
A car accident put out Me out of 4 tears Boxing for good besides gymnastics and sprintin. Been unemployeed for sooo long. Even through i have environmental engineering degree from good University. I have tried. I got very few Man skills but almost non thatis sufficent i open up My own Business or work. I have no creativitybqhatsoever. I go on Khan Academy and try to reteach myself the Science i have leaenes Plus other stuff but info is so over wellming. I love the girls in the country i live in but cant get one to save My Life. I wish to Just have hope. I am obsessed with full lips, Gym bodies with the gprgeous butts and the sexy boobs and braided Hair. However. Cant do it, i am boring as fuck even i read alot of history and i have travelled a little bit. I know how to dance, i grind on several butts but at the end of the Day i go home alone. I am terrified of making My ibtentions clear or even scared of success. Because when they see My situation bo woman in her right mind would want to Be with Me, i am boring.
I have tried and i fail and all iwish, that is not too late. And i sometimes i wanna Ask women if i creep then out or what.
I am so scared i had no adult hood onlybone woman My whole Life(luckilyshe was hot).
I Just really wish to believe that i have what it takes and that i can attract the women i Like which seems so difficult. Competion is ferrociius and despite My efforts, i fail xonstantly.
My greatest Enemy is hopelessness and lack of direction. Dont know what to do

Author
Chase Amante's picture

Abazid-

You can only realistically learn one skill at a time. It's frustrating when you're deep in the hole and see numerous things you'd like to get fixed, and feel pulled in all directions. But you bite off one, chew on that for a while, then when that one's fully masticated you take the next.

Four years of boxing, reading a lot of history, and some travel under your belt makes you more interesting than a lot of people. Quite probably more interesting than many men who portray themselves as more interesting than you portray yourself. Your likeliest problem is you do not know how to convey what you have, are, and have done.

I suggest you start with the following articles:

Then pick something you would like to be better at, and make that your target. That could be "I will learn to tell better, more interesting stories." Or it could be "I will devote 100 hours to basic science stuff that has challenged me - nothing too hard, but material that is just at the edge of achievability for me." Put 100 hours into it. Once those 100 hours are up, assess how you did, any improvement you've seen (in results or abilities), and decide if you want another 100 hours in this area, or if you want to do 100 hours in another area first.

Might seem slow. But after just a year of this, you will discover you have come quite far in many or most of the things you've put real, dedicated time into.

Chase

Abazid's picture

Thank you :)

stefxxxyyy's picture

thank you Chase this is life saving pure gold advice!

Sz's picture

In my opinion, this is the best article you have ever written. I remember I said it would suck for you to move on from this site, but you said you're just a guy and whatever, ain't no one else writing stuff like this. When you took a break a few years ago, I honestly didn't go to the site as much. Your articles are something different man, and why I'm addicted to this site. I hope you stay here for a long time.

What made you make the age deadline 35 instead of 40? I feel its more complete. Really curious.

It's funny, but you happen to have most of these 12 things already, but it seemed you just happen to get it handled without doing it on purpose. How the hell that happen ? It's like you did this stuff, then realized this is what you have to do.

sydney_sider91's picture

Yes I completely agree with Sz. The articles that have really changed me as a person (went from virgin to 6 lays in two years after discovering GC) have been the ones written by Chase. The ones written by the others are also top quality articles that I refer to often. They are like great supplements to Chase's core articles.

Sydney sider 91

Author
Chase Amante's picture

SZ-

I think we'll be in a better place next time I step away from article writing. We're putting a lot more pieces in place and getting guys much better training for the next time 'round. It'll do well.

35 is the general age I see most guys settled into whatever they will do for the rest of their lives. Just an observation. There is a large motivation shift I see around that age - guys go from "I want to explore and experience!" to "It's time to take what I know and can do and grow it and get the most mileage out of it." This article was primarily about what pieces you want to have added to your person and your skill set before you reach the age where you stop (mostly) adding new pieces and instead focus on growing the pieces you've got.

As for me... everything that I have more or less handled I have pursued with some mixture of conscious resolve and instinctive drive. The instinctual part basically comes from me saying "What weakness do I have?" then, once it's identified, I work to remedy it. With girls it was "I don't know how to bring the women I want into my life. I need to fix that." With money it was "I have no idea how to make money aside from sitting in a cubicle or working retail. I need to fix that." With empathy it was "I am too quick to judge others and arrive at wrong conclusions that make me look foolish or biased. I need to fix that." And so on and so forth. So I suppose for me you would say it is a sensitivity to internal weakness, and the drive to root those weaknesses out where they stand.

Chase

Sz's picture

1.Could you explain the debt part? Are you saying putting money in for a Roth and 401k don't benefit much?

2. Where do you put your money in then ? Where would you put your money in if you're an entrepreneur? Or do you just work forever?

3. If you have a mortgage or a car, how could you be out of debt by 35? What if you can't pay your house off, or want a new car or need a new one? Unless you have hella money, you would keep paying on a loan you currently have, or have to take out a new loan sooner or later.

Could you please explain that part.

Author
Chase Amante's picture

SZ-

So long as you invest in index funds (S&P, for instance), you'll be fine so long as the stock market endures. Roth and 401(k) are still good ideas in general.

If you're an entrepreneur, often the best place for your money is your business. If you can grow your business from $5,000 profit in Year 1 to $500,000 profit in Year 10, whatever money you invested in that was worth substantially more than anything you could have gotten from anything other than a long-shot bet in the stock market.

As for getting out of debts and dealing with loans... it is money in and money out. If you have a 3 BR home with a $1,700 / month mortgage and $300 / month in fees, taxs, and upkeep, and you rent out two of the rooms for $800 / month each, with 15% vacancy throughout the year, your actual monthly expense is only $640 / month - quite possibly cheaper than what you'd have to pay if you rented the room you live in in your own house. With a car, buy something inexpensive, unless you have plenty of money to burn. If you are buying an expensive car and staying in debt, then you have made a choice: you have chosen to have a nice car and remain in debt, rather than have a basic car and be debt free.

Having a positive net worth is really about two things: getting more money coming in, and having less money going out. The more money you get coming in, and the less you get going out, the more positive your net worth becomes (worth noting: life is not just about money, and obviously you don't want to become a miser... there's a reason 'miserable' denotes a dreary, wretched existence. Money's a tool; but in general, it's better to have more tools at your disposal than it is to be bereft of tools and indebted to others for the use of their tools).

Chase

Dick's picture

Any advice on how to learn to copywrite, Chase?

Alexander Abraham's picture

Look up some books by Robert Bly and Peter Bowerman. Both are great places to start, in particular these are the ones that I've read and recommend:

Robert Bly:
1) Secrets of a freelance writer: how to make 100,000 a year or more
2) The copywriters handbook: a step by step guide to writing copy that sells
3) How to create irresistible offers

Peter Bowerman:
1) The Well-fed writer
2) Back for Seconds

All of which are good starter books but both emphasis a lot on cold calling which you don't really have to do anymore. Thanks to Upwork getting better people are actually able to make a living from it (in the books they're really against sites like that, but these books were also written back when sites like that really sucked)

They helped my skills with copywriting until I found that I didn't like it as much as I thought I would and went to something else :P

In addition, you might also like these two books:
1) Take the cold out of cold calling: web search secrets
Sam Richter

2) Smart Calling: Eliminate the fear, failure and rejection from cold calling
Art Sobczak

sydney_sider91's picture

Chase,

Another great article that hit home. It's something I've been worrying about for a while.

Just last night, after coming home from a long day of engineering and working on my sexy walk (and missing my scheduled gym session), i was sitting in my room worrying about how I'm stretched very thin trying to master too many things at once. I've been making consistent progress in the 3 fields of work, PUA, and gym, but progress has been slow at times.

This article helped put it in perspective again and provided lots of tools and tips to get me there. Will be referring to it often.

Sydney Sider 91

Author
Chase Amante's picture

Very glad to hear it, Sydney Sider.

When you get that 'stretched thin' feeling often it's good to do a quick reassess and decide which items are priorities for you and which you can cut back on. You probably won't cut back on work, so you might want to scale back going out to just on weekends and devote more energy to the gym until you hit your weight goals. Then once you get there, swap those two priorities - gym goes into maintenance mode, and now you start going out a lot more (but now you're hungrier and more confident after not going out as much, plus now having a better body to show off).

Or you can do it the opposite way - focus on going out a lot and keep gym in maintenance mode, until you get a girlfriend or two you're happy with and not as motivated to go out. At which point you start to go out a lot less and can ratchet up your focus on gym.

Focusing more on a more limited number of priorities can help you progress much faster overall, as you'll typically make faster progress in a month of very dedicated effort at something than you will in three or four months of sometimes-dedication.

Chase

Alexander Abraham's picture

This and the media mind control article are probably my two favorites on this site.

I would like to add to the article that the greatest thing that helped me with my vices was actually the Enneagram. I'm a type 5 and one of the bad parts of a type 5 is that we tend to be a little too comfortable with armchair wisdom and just reading/learning without action.

When a type 5 is really growing to their full potential we start to become more 8-like and really take action. That's something that helped me understand one of my greatest weakness'; procrastination. Sure I'm a little bit of a hedonist as well but I think that comes with finally starting to get somewhere with women, I feel like it's mandatory to go a little overboard lol

Unlike any of the other psychological typing systems (though I don't know much about Big 5) the Enneagram goes into the positives and the negatives. It doesn't shy away from our darker natures as human beings. It accepts that people have a dark nature and gives you the tools to help get over them.

Going back to myself for example; it helped me understand the root cause of my own inaction. And that's one based in fear. It was silly to me at first but after really thinking about it, it's right. Overcoming that is what I've been focusing on for a long time and I've seen a lot of improvements in my overall life. Thanks to GC and knowing what my weakness' can be I've also worked on being more emotional and less angry with emotions in other people as well.

The same with knowing that I need to be more 8-like and take charge in life.

I'd encourage other people to check it out, in my opinion the best website to start with is:
https://www.enneagraminstitute.com/

PersonalityCafe.com also has some good stickied posts in their forums but in my opinion it's gone way, way downhill since I found it. But, still some great nuggets of wisdom in the stickied section

Learning about the Enneagram is highly recommended :)

Author
Chase Amante's picture

Alexander-

Interesting, I hadn't encountered that before I don't think. The test for it asks some good questions.

Fear is a terrific motivating force when used right. As soon as you shift your fear from "What if this one person rejects me / this one effort fails?" to "What if I never learn this skill set / get left behind by the world?" suddenly you become better able to weather rejection and failure than most other people.

You cease to focus on small failures (Girl A rejects you; Project B flops), and see them as mere road bumps on the path to avoiding Big Failure (you fail at building the skills, assets, or accomplishments you must build).

Chase

Alexander's picture

When it comes to type 5's, 6's and 7's it's not so much a specific fear like with women. But more of a general fear of life itself.

When it comes to type 5's, it's a fear about not being able to handle life itself. So the gut level reaction is "Once I have accumulated more knowledge I will be able to handle life". And the other two types express their fears in a different way. Every set of 3 is in a different triad and experience a different core negative (mind triad which is 5, 6 and 7 is fear that is expressed in different ways depending on type).

Though your actual advice of changing mindsets is definitely a good way to get over approach anxiety and is also recommended :)

But as far as understanding yourself and others, I'm a huge proponent of the Enneagram

Anonymous's picture

Should I give up if I want to learn online skills and freelance because I'm black? I heard that it's extremely hard for black people to find freelance work. I also feel that they would not take me seriously at all because I'm black and I've never done anything like this before.

I never even had a full time job, so having clients who probably already doubt me, make me worry .

Do I have a chance with freelance?

2. Trades take time, and I heard you get paid shit for like 5 years until you become a journeyman and whatever, and I also heard there is math in the trades you listed and I'm horrible in math, would it also be good to learn a trade while you work on computer skills? Let me know your opinion.

3. How did you get good with conversions? How did you learn it and where can I?

4 . How did you market yourself to freelancers without having done it before? I want to become a freelancer, but like I said, I'm worried about questions number 1 and having no experience.

Thanks!

Author
Chase Amante's picture

Anon-

Get a very professional looking photo and have a neat, articulate profile and send out professional messages and you should be fine. If you're still very worried about it though, I suppose you could hire a white guy on Fiverr to take a portrait photograph of himself for you to use... nobody has to know...!!

I imagine it varies greatly by trade and location. I suggest you talk to tradesmen involved in the trades you're considering to get a better idea.

I learned conversions by making adjustments to this website and tracking how that impacted various metrics. You can find plenty of resources online that discuss website conversions; you just keep experimenting and trying things out and over time you will figure out which ones make a difference and which ones don't.

As far as marketing myself... go to a search engine and type in "how to make money on UpWork." Read the top three results - I did nothing any different from any of these.

Chase

Brett's picture

Hi Chase,

being probably your age peer I have to say: Very spot on and very inspiring not only for the younger guys. Thanks.

I’ve seen that you published a bunch of new interesting and insightful articles again.

It seems however that my follow-up comment with questions in your article "It's Cruel When Men Don't Stick Around After Sex Argument“ slipped your attention, so I am reminding it anew. How do you feel about my questions titled altogether as „Why not Love?“

Hope your fine
Cordially
Brett

P.S.: Unless that is not a secret: What is the martial art school you are involved in yourself? I don’t see you mentioning it in the article.

Author
Chase Amante's picture

Brett-

I did not see your reply. Here's my response:

Why Doesn't Chase Talk Much About Love?

As for martial arts, I had three years of Kenpo karate in middle school (though I can no longer remember what belt I was - blue? Purple?), and have since trained a fair bit in Krav Maga. At some point I'd like to do some BJJ and Wing Chun as well, but don't have the bandwidth at present.

Chase

stranger's picture

Amazing article, Chase. I keep going to your site every now and then, and read your articles. And you always seem to cover just the right things.
Will definately be working on the skill building for income, and some others.

Been recently thinking about this tight knit group of friends, have some (old) friends who are not really moving forward in area's of life I'm interested in improving. It's hard to find people who share similar interests and have the drive to succeed and some actual skill already at multiple area's of life. But i guess its okay to have friends in different parts of life. I will read your suggested articles on the group of friends.

Are you aware of Dr Jordan Peterson? He is a psychologist turned christian who, in his lectures, teaches life lessons kind of like the ones you've written about in this article. Only his opinion on pick-up is not really positive. But that may be due to his being together with his high school girlfriend for just about all his life.

Thanks again for the great read

Author
Chase Amante's picture

Stranger-

Yes, if you improve a lot throughout your life, you will also tend to outgrow various friendships. You become no longer matches for each other - those friends don't want to be around you (they feel pressured by, envious of, or resentful toward your changes) and you won't get much value around them.

Good news is you will eventually pick up more friends, and the sorts of friends you make as you grow and improve are often growth oriented, improvement oriented folks themselves. And those relationships can be quite robust.

I've seen a lot of folks post videos of Jordan Peterson, yes. Seems to be quite popular now. I never quite have the time to watch YouTube videos or listen to podcasts, so I haven't been much exposed to his stuff. I saw one video in which I thought he made a few good points, though was not much a fan of his delivery.

Pity to hear he's sour on talking to strange women and whisking them off to bed. I suppose he would not be a very good born again (?) Christian if he wasn't, though.

Chase

SZ's picture

1. "Some of these skills are easy to make money in than others. To make money as a writer, for instance, you’ll need to be at a fairly high degree of skill. You can be at a comparably lower level of skill as a programmer and still make good money, however."

I know it isnt easy to program, but please explain the programming easy part to me, can i learn this fast? I have heard many people say you need to spend 1000s for a boot camp or go to school for it to get a job, basically they're saying learning code for free is not the path of getting a job. I even read on the forum a reader said you would need school to get money with programming. Is it possible to get a job with programming with no school? How is it easy per-se? What are the other easy skills you could learn?

2. What would you have went back to school for ?

3. Why didnt you want to find another job? And what made you want to become an entrepreneur instead ?

4. How do we deal with all of these people who want to be entrepreneurs? How do we beat the competition since a lot of people keep talking about it.

5. I know guys who are very discouraged about the entrepreneur lifestyle, they say you cant do it, you need a job, you will fail, etc. They make it seem like getting a job is the only way to really survive and it's many of them that agree. I feel it's good because theres more room for me, but It discourages me a lot because it sounds almost impossible.

Author
Chase Amante's picture

SZ-

The only things you 'need' school for are jobs in academia, the legal profession, medicine, and business consulting. With computer programming, the guy who knows code front and back but never went to school for it will have all the work he can handle and command high rates. The guy who went to school and only phoned it in, and is now a mediocre-at-best programmer, will be stuck in low-end jobs, assuming he can find employ.

I cannot think of anything I'd go back to school for at this point. It's expensive and inefficient. If I went in the past, when I did not have monetizable skills and did not know better, I either would've went to get my MBA from a top business school, or I would've tried to crack into the finance world and become a banker.

Why didnt you want to find another job?

I was tired of being trapped in a cubicle for eight hours a day, being pressured to stay awake and pretend to look busy and seem professional even when I'd finished all my work and was exhausted and wanted to sleep, and being stuck in one city in one country 90% of the time, not having the ability to pick up and go whenever I cared to.

That, plus the desire to do something more personally meaningful than build spreadsheets and run macros, motivated me to start building businesses.

How do we deal with all of these people who want to be entrepreneurs? How do we beat the competition since a lot of people keep talking about it.

Do what they do, but better, faster, and with greater discipline.

Read Paul Graham's articles; they're an excellent start:

http://www.paulgraham.com/articles.html

I know guys who are very discouraged about the entrepreneur lifestyle, they say you cant do it, you need a job, you will fail, etc. They make it seem like getting a job is the only way to really survive and it's many of them that agree. I feel it's good because theres more room for me, but It discourages me a lot because it sounds almost impossible.

There are a great deal of different skill sets involved in founding and running and growing a profitable business. The safest way to start is to learn most of those skills in advance while working for someone else, and to work in the industry you'd like to start a business in. Then when you are ready to start something, you have most of the skills already in place, and already know the industry inside and out and have a straightforward path to starting your business.

The other way is to just jump in with no skills and little familiarity with your niche. This is what most people do, and these entrepreneurs fail at a far higher rate. This is also a much slower start to the business - since you are trying to learn a hundred things at once, including your market - and a slow start in a bootstrapped business can be deadly.

In general, the best advice is to get a job in whatever field you'd like to start a business in, while teaching yourself marketing, management, and all the other skills you'll need on the side (or, even better, inside that business you work at). If you want the highest chance at success, this is what you'll do.

Chase

vrey's picture

What’s up Chase?

Been a silent reader for a while but I must say that this is a mega article. I enjoy your year end reviews and I would put this in that same category im terms of quality and content. I know these take forever to write due to the sheer volume & depth. Thank you. Keep it up. You’re mega.

Author
Chase Amante's picture

Cheers, Vrey!

Atra's picture

Again, a fantastic, thought provocing article!
A few thoughts I made:
Re 6: Yes, friends are important. However, you don't know who will support you before you need it!
Re 10: the ability to defend oneself also apply socially. Trusting that I'm able to defend myself verbally makes me much less scared in socially challaging situations.

Author
Chase Amante's picture

Both are excellent notes, Atra :)

-C

Bunk's picture

"If you’re brand new to the idea of meeting women as a skill set, start with these articles first:

How to Get Girls: The Last Post You’ll Ever Need
Do You Really Need to Learn Game to Get Girls?
Why Cold Approach Works Better Than Anything Else
..."

Is it just a coincidence that everything here just happens to align with author's financial interests?
For example:

1. Why is 'game' promoted despite being a cargo cult pseudo-science?

Because it can be packaged and sold as information product. It's a perfect fit for a blog.

Also because it can be learned by anyone (accessible + bigger market) and you can blame the end user for failures (similar to other self help crap out there).

2. Why is mass/cold approaching promoted?

Because SYSTEMS are easy to sell. However, systems require lots of different interactions.

Therefore, you have an incentive to promote whatever results in many interactions, so that you can create and sell a system (e.g. 'daygame model', 'one date system', 'mass approach blueprint' etc.).

-

This is just the tip of the iceberg. You can analyze any article and you will see how it serves financial interests of writers.

User is in a reality distortion field where things that might hurt the bottom line are suppressed or ridiculed and things that enable the business to work are actively promoted.

Author
Chase Amante's picture

going his own way

going his own way

going his own way

Jimbo's picture

And slicing meat aligns with the butcher's bottom line. What's your point?

You know what else aligns with the author's financial interests? His clients and readers actually getting results and improving their lives. No business is free from feedback, whether on its premises, or on others, and reputation matters for one to stay afloat for more than a couple of years. I've seen mentions of this site on others, and they don't seem to be this excoriating for a supposed scam.

Why not simply point out of the specific pieces of information that you deem misleading or deceptive? Because demonstrating profitability is not the same as demonstrating false advertisement.

Also, Game was never advertised as a science. It's just the set of things you do and say to girls to get them to bed or to be your girlfriends. We all do it. And as any other activity, it can be improved and even excelled in.

Mischief's picture

But regardless, by the time you’re 35, even if you’re a bit of a loner by nature, you need your tight-knit group of guys. Every guy needs other men to keep him sane and to have his back.

Chase’s memes are f’ing priceless! I am 38 and far from having a tight-knit group of my own… with the possible exception being this blog. The internet is to men what the sexual revolution was for women. We need to take advantage of this, not so we can win some confrontational battle of the sexes, but rather so that we might recapture the opportunity our male ancestory once had: man-to-man connection that a feminized society has worked so hard to shatter. For the record, I don’t see this as any conscious sense of female malice, but I think it is the result of the feminine breeding strategy having got the better of men in power who, consciously or not, lost touch with their own masculinity.

Chase is right: men need to bond with men. There are critical elements of the male experience that women are incapable of comprehending (as I am sure is true in reverse).

Thank you for another valuable article.

Cheers,
-M

She enters your world… not the other way around.
Manners. Maketh. Man.

Anonymous 's picture

I wrote to you a while back about getting student loans to cover my credit cards, you said it was ok to do, but to keep paying while in school. I was wondering if I should still do that because if I do, I'll be 40k in debt with student loans if I combine it with my credit cards, but it's the same debt anyway, the student loans just let me get breathing room to get a car and apartment, instead if paying credit card payments.

I'll also have car payments and the apartment, I'll have to pay myself. So I'll be in a lot of debt.

So how could I be debt free by 35?

I'd live at home, but wouldn't I be looked at as a loser if I stay at home? How can I fuck girls like this?

I'm a late bloomer with all of this stuff. So I'm scared as hell I won't be where I should be at 35. I'm mostly worried about money, I have all kinds of debt; student loans, few credit cards in the 10 thousands,i will get a car loan and apartment, etc. and the way it looks, it looks like I won't be done at 35, I don't have the best job either. So I have my job, pay all of these bills and loans. So I'm stuck and have no idea what to do. I wish I could just use all of my money to put down on loans, but since my job isn't the best, I have to pay all of my bills, and a little on the loans. I don't want to be paying like this for 10+ years. I'm so stuck, I fell for the college kool aid and got loans for a useless degree, I have many credit card debts, and then car loan I will get, etc. I'm just trying to figure out how can I do this. All of these loans say I won't be able to pay them off for many many years, all of this just happened out of no where.

Should I just give up the dream of being debt free at 35?

Am I a failure if I don't achieve this at 35?

I'm a late bloomer with women also, don't know if it matters to tell you, but if you have advice please tell me.

Thanks Chase!

Author
Chase Amante's picture

Anon-

I am not qualified to answer these questions for you. You need someone who is going to sit down, examine your financial situation, examine your prospects, help you draw up a budget, and give you a basic financial education. I strongly suggest you research budgeting and financial planning online, and look for someone you can talk to who is competent about this.

Chase

Anonymous 's picture

I can't just shake AA at all. I went out today and at this super market their were some cute girls, most I have ever seen. I went near them, but nothing, I couldn't do anything, but stand there for a second and walk away. It doesn't seem real to me that girls will like me or I won't get blown off.

I have been like this for years, no matter how many times I go out or read the aa articles, I still can't do it.

It's so bad now because I have so many days that I have to release my self because I can't take it anymore, so I do it.

I know you said porn was bad, so I keep using my imagination, I figure it can't be bad because I'm not getting girls anyway, might as well feel good and release, and since it's not porn I'm good. But I'm guessing that it's messing me up, my urges are so strong and not getting any makes me do it so often.

Anyway, are there any tips I might have missed on making this aa better? I feel I have it worse than most people, and I've been trying to do it for years.

I just feel like a creep and feel like it's a waste of time just to get rejected, I mean, if they wanted me, they'd make it known right? Not even subtly.

I really want to beat this aa, it's been holding me back for so long, I literally read an article, go out and I can't do it, I can stand near them all I want, but I get no attention. I want to beat this so bad, and say fuck the thoughts, I'm thinking of all of the girls in losing, but I never done this before, so then I realize how limited I am. This sticking point has to go.

Author
Chase Amante's picture

Anonymous 's picture

So I was working on some coding, and side hustles this morning and then I realized, how the hell can i do all of these things and train in them effectively?

I thought I could do all of these things, like work, school, side hustles, learning skills, working out, girls etc. With an hour focused on each, but I'll get better slowly or maybe I will give up.

I realized, how am i supposed to do fit all of this in every day and become good at this stuff quick.

I wish i didn't have to work or to go school, that takes up a lot of my time, then you got to fit in working out and meeting women.

I want to learn all of these things together because time is of the essence. I need this stuff handled within a year, well at least somewhat handled.

How would you fit this in if you were in my position ? There's no wrong answer so please tell me what you would focus on mostly, and the amount of time one should put that focus on the most, basically what's the most important to work on first and how hard to focus on that, then what are things you can kinda focus on that aren't as important as others.

I work full time to meet my needs and I'll go to school full time because this is something I want out of the way.

My list of things are here:

1. Full time Working
2. Full time School
3. Working out 3-5 days a week
4. Side hustles for extra income, I don't know the hour ranges just yet
4. Learning a monitizable skill, what ever you can recommend how many hours seem to be good a week
5. Meeting girls, dates, sex of course, I believe you said 3-5 outings for 4 hours, then plan dates and lays accordingly.
6. Learning fighting styles
7. Leisure Time if course
8. 8 hours of sleep, you know I need my sleep
I will be doing this while trying to get a car and an apartment.

I have done all of these before, and know its very time consuming, but not at once because I never thought of it in this way. I also never worked so hard and have been so busy, so it's hard for me to adapt right now.

I know you don't have experience with all of this, but I really would appreciate a hypothetical answer, just because I feel you can manage it better than I could.

P.S. A car and apartment is on the top of my list, I want these so bad, but cant afford them. I can't get another job because if I do, then I won't be able to work on this stuff at all or even bring girls back to my place.

I know not having a car messes things up. That has to be done one way or the other.

But, I feel not having an apartment messes me up so much, I feel it makes things easier, plus I feel it's expected of me to have one now at least, people assume I have my own house already. So I definitely have to step it up.

I feel like a less of a man without these, maybe I'll just go to girls places instead? I don't want them to think bad of me because don't have my own place.

My pay is just too low to do all of this unfortunately, do you know anyway I can be able to afford these things without having to get two jobs?

I know many people with crappy jobs that have they own place and car, I don't know how, but they do it.

Thanks Chase!

Author
Chase Amante's picture

Anon-

You cannot do everything at once.

Or I dunno, nothing's impossible. Perhaps you can. But if so you're a far more productive, driven man than anyone I know. If so, write us a guide on how you did it when you're done!

Failing that, I suggest you do this:

  1. Schedule the things you HAVE to do, without which your life totally implodes / you die. That's stuff like sleep, school, work

  2. Pick one MAJOR thing that will be your primary focus outside your "have to do" requirements. Considering how big an issue money seems to be for you, I would recommend that be "monetizeable skill"

  3. Pick secondary and tertiary focuses. Maybe gym and girls. You must be mentally prepared to sacrifice these for the "have to dos" and your major focus. If you've got a major school project to complete, you don't go out to talk to girls. If you're really on a roll with some coding you're doing, you skip the gym

50% of your energy needs to go into the "have to do" things. These will probably also get 70% of your hours of the day, condiering how time consuming they are (8 hours' sleep + full time work + full time school is 120 hours of the week; that's 71% of the hours of your week). 40% of your remaining focus should go into your major focus (which will probably get 10-15% of the hours of your week, but be obsessively focused, and plus you'll continue to think about it even when you aren't doing it; e.g., while standing around bored at work). Then you have your goof off time, meal time, bathroom/shower. And a little left over time for secondary and tertiary focuses.

When your time is this constrained, you should only have one major focus outside the "have to do" things where you are pushing yourself ot make gains. The other stuff you do can be sometimes-things you do for fun or to occasionally test/push yourself, with the understanding that you will not improve on these for now because you don't have the bandwidth for them (and to be cool with that, because you will improve on them later).

This is how you learn: you pick one major focus, isolate it, and plow your energy into it until you're happy with where you're at with it. Then you turn your attention to something else. And so on, and so forth, over months and years, until you get to where you want to get to on a whole host of things (and yet, even still, hopefully still have more things you continue to work on and develop. The journey of self-cultivation is an ongoing one).

Chase

Sz's picture

Hey Chase,

Do you think 50 has a sexy good walk in this video? It's at :38 and ends at 1:23.

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=Rdw3e8TNKgo

And do you think the size of his muscles are good for attracting women, or do you think it's too much ?

Tell me how you feel about everything and if it's good to emulate it

Author
Chase Amante's picture

SZ-

Yes, it's a good walk. Fine to emulate.

Muscles are always of benefit if you have them. Whether they are worth the time to develop depends on your objectives:

The Truth About Big Muscles and Getting Laid

Chase

SZ's picture

I'm sure you heard about net neutrality Chase.

I heard about it here and there, but after reading it today, I'm shook.

It just sounds like they're gonna restrict everything from us or make us pay a fee.

I want to start learning skills online and im wondering how am I gonna do that? How am I gonna have online businesses with this happening?

Do I have to work in corporate now like everyone else? I can't be my own boss now without a brick and motor business?

What about this site? Is it going to be ok over here ? I need this site. I'm on this site all of the time, I don't want anything changing.

Idk what to think because this is all new to me, but I'm worried.

Author
Chase Amante's picture

SZ-

Net neutrality is nothing to worry about at present.

We don't have it at present. Law-abiding websites are banned from the American Internet under the present net-neutrality rules if they are sufficiently distasteful or dissident. And the businesses coming out against the repealing of net neutrality are the monopolies: Google, Facebook, Amazon, Netflix.

The current net neutrality law has only existed since 2015. The scare-mongering about it was that ISPs would throttle any website unwilling to pay for extra bandwidth. Basically the claim was that users would no longer be able to access any website except those super rich websites willing to pay the ISPs "protection money." Which I mean... an ISP could do that, sure. It would lead to a rebellion among users and it would likely go out of business pretty quickly. What is more likely is the ISPs will squeeze the most bandwidth-intensive websites and ask sites to pay more past a certain level of bandwidth usage, or else see their speeds drop to a lower tier.

They are not going to throttle small sites. Or even if they do, well, think about it like this:

Let's say Comcast (or whoever) decides you need to pay $20,000 a month minimum or your website speed slows down to a third of what it is at present. And beyond that $20K there is probably tiered pricing; you pay an extra however-much per TB of bandwidth transfer. Girls Chase couldn't pay that. Most sites wouldn't. So the average GC page starts to take 7.5 seconds to load instead of 2.5 seconds. So do a lot of other websites. Maybe Google and Facebook start paying their hundreds of millions per year to the ISPs, but unlikely. They'll launch protests or fight it in court and meantime their speeds will drop by a third too. Internet users will adapt to the new normal; they will say "this is just how it is; when I use Comcast (or whoever) the Internet is SLOW."

You now have an open market niche for fast Internet. As soon as a company comes along saying, "Sign up for SpeedyWeb Internet service - we don't throttle your connection!" every single existing Comcast customer will move over to the new guy.

As such, Comccast is never going to do the "throttle everyone's Internet speeds way down unless they pay extortion money" thing, because the moment they do that, they're a dead man walking. Instead, they will squeeze the really big guys for a few extra bucks - which is why it is the really big guys who are freaking out about this and using all the scare tactics to make it sound like it's the end of the Internet as we know it to go back to the way it was in 2015.

(and net neutrality has nothing to do with privacy, or even actually 'neutrality' - it's just about whether ISPs are allowed to throttle bandwidth going to specific sites or not)

The Harvey Weinstein stuff I wouldn't worry about too much. I'll do an article on that soon though.

Chase

SZ's picture

And I forgot to mention that I'm worried as hell about accusations now more than ever because of all of this hollywood stuff going on, if it's happening to these men, how the hell are we safe?

I want to sleep with all girls no matter race, I'm a black dude and this crap worries me.

How should I move in this situation ? Stick to black girls? Or am I ok to sleep with all girls?

I need to sleep with all race girls because black girls aren't abundant where I am, and I'm in the south so I don't know if that makes it better or worse if I mess with white girls.

How can we be safe in these times?

P.s. with this new net neutrality thing, do you think our online privacy is somewhat safe or will it be worse? I feel comfortable writing on here, so I don't want any changes.

J's picture

Hey Chase,

I just want to say thank you. I admire you. You're quite the man.

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