Attainability Woes; or, Why Girls Who Like You Reject You | Page 2 | Girls Chase

Attainability Woes; or, Why Girls Who Like You Reject You

Chase Amante

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Chase Amante's picture

Commenting on “I Can’t Get Girls Because Girls Only Want [BLANK]”, TR asks the following about girls who appear to like you, yet ultimately sabotage their interactions with you due to hang-ups:

I've noticed that even though I can have an outstanding interaction with a woman that clearly likes me, when it comes to closing she may still sabotage herself. This usually happens with women much taller than I am, and though I have no doubt that she really likes me, I'm also pretty certain that the height thing makes her a bit insecure. These women consistently fall over hard for me afterwards (lack of control + attraction is dynamite) but they have that mental block that sabotages them more often than not.

Do you think you could post up a follow-up article on how to handle things like this? Perhaps it has to do with setting the right frames, or maybe it's just a matter of letting go and looking for the right girls instead.

This is a great topic, and it's something you'll run into repeatedly if you're out meeting women fairly often: those girls who clearly like you, are into you, are attracted to you... yet who just won't let themselves do anything with you.

girl likes you but rejects you

It's a disconcerting affair the first couple of times you run into it. "I can tell she likes me," you say to youself. "Why the heck is she rejecting me?"

Ultimately, the problem always comes down to the same thing: attainability.

And no matter how swell a guy you are, how friendly, likeable, or attractive, for one reason or the other, she just doesn't view you as all that attainable... and ends up auto-rejecting.

While you can't always prevent this, once you understand why it's happening you can avoid it sometimes - either by preventing the problem from occurring in the first place, or by recognizing when it is occurring, and nipping it in the bud before it becomes something more dooming.

Comments

David Riley's picture

Hey Aron,

Check out the following the articles.

Social Value
Be Cool
Guy Talk

Hope that helps,

Just Dave

Aron's picture

As I can see no connection between (social ability/guy talk/ being cool) and how to chase a girl romantically, it's apparent that I wasn't clear. How would I be able to chase a girl romantically without coming off as needy or week? (specifically chasing, as chase mentioned that you can pull off chasing, if you do it correctly. I would to see you guys put up an article on how to do this. Hope this cleared up whatever caused you to misunderstand earlier.
Best wishes, Aron

David Riley's picture

Hey Aron,

Apologies about the mix up, I was actually replying to possibly another comment you may have left on the site and put my response here. No matter check out the following links for being romantic.

How to Be Romantic
Romancing a Girl

Take care,

Just Dave

Anonymous's picture

I think that girls reject me because of how I look. I have really bad acne and nothing will work to make it go away. I've tried everything. It is all over my face and body. I have become severely depressed over looking like this.

Aron's picture

Hey Anon, I've gone through severe acne and have tried a lot of things to get rid of it.

Some things you might want to start doing : not touching you face except when washing, washing twice daily, and changing your sheets once a week (pillowcase every 2-3 days).

If you would like some additional help in this department, give me a description of the acne, things you have tried in the past (different soaps, home cures and prescription medicine, as well as anything else you may have tried), and finally your daily schedule (how many hours you sleep, when you wash your face, what you wash with, physical activities, and anything else that has to do with hygiene- switching sheets, leaving your hair long, touching your face, sports etc...).

Good luck and
Best wishes, Aron

David anon's picture

Hi Chase,

- Is it possible to be too good in bed? -

This is actually a funny question because of course, you should give the girl the best sex experience possible. But I will explain, stay with me.

First, I have a similar approach like Chase - casual relationships. The women sense that and it's ok. But what it means is that women can have this issue: If I fall in love with this guy, he can break my heart.

Second, there are girls who have a boyfriend or a kind of semi-boyfriend or who are in a relationship but the boyfriend is overseas for several months etc... Those women can also have a problem: If I fall in love with this guy, it can destroy my relationship.

Chase... As you know, normally, if you give a woman fantastic sex, she will come for more until she falls for you completely. But look at the examples above. If you give those women fantastic sex, they can as well run away from you. They want just sex and if you are an average Joe, they might be completely ok with it. But if you are too good in bed, they will auto-reject you. It's risky to be with you, so you are unattainable. It's true, it happened to me.

The question is: is it possible to give a girl fantastic sex and still keep it "just sex, no feelings"? Or will the girl always fall for me?

Note, that's what I did: I gave them great sex and then held them close, talked about life and then drove them home. The sex was very hot and very passionate (cuddling, kissing), but they initiated that and I could not push them away,

David

Author
Chase Amante's picture

David-

The problem I've seen with giving girls too-good sex is that the ones who don't want commitment will run away from you because they realize they're falling hard for you after just a couple of lovemaking sessions, and the ones who want commitment but are afraid they won't be able to get it from you will run (sometimes hesitantly) because they fear getting sucked in to a man they can't say 'no' to but who will always say 'no' to them.

It's mostly a control issue. Many women (especially the more experienced variety who prefer a purely casual affair) are very aware that great sex is mind control for women, and they will get ghost very fast if you are not what they are looking for or they don't think they can get what they want with you.

In these cases, you can actually be better served by giving them good, but not great, sex, and saving the earth-shattering orgasms for the girls you really want to keep around.

Chase

David anon's picture

Thank you Chase,

I appreciate that you talk about this. Some time ago, I asked a classical seduction guru a similar question. He explained me that I was completely wrong because such a phenomenon does not exist...

Maybe one more thought. Where is the line between good sex and great sex? Is there some "objective measure" or does it depend on the woman's experience?

David

Ray's picture

Realy great article here. The one who wrote it is a master in social and emotional inteligence.
I can confirm this from my experiences. The better you are its more difficult to find equal woman, becausewhen you become self aware, you start to see average girls as inferior, they can easily pick that up and auto reject you no matter how good are you pretending and acting.
The truth is as I get older I dont want to go through hassle of making myself lower value so I can be more attainable. I worked hard for my 8 pack abs (started going to gym when i was 17), graduated, made my carier, than my own bussiness, bought perfect condo in most expencive area of my city, nice sports coupe with full trim...
The truth is Im not easy person to relate to. And Im shallow with woman, I dont realy care about them. And lets be realistc Im probably a bad person. My solution was I started ussing professional escort services and hookers last 6 months. And I must tell you it works good for me. I absolutly have no hassle to get sex, its so easy and cheap. To be honnest some of the girls asked me why Im ussing their services, and look suprised when they first time see me at my condo. The truth is you can easily dominate woman with just a little money. You dont need to look good, be smarth, or be rich, or be tall, or whatever else people think its their problem.
You just focus on yourself and your cariers and money making skills. Dont waste your time chasing pussy becouse its so cheap 50-150 euro per sex that everyone can have it.
When you finaly find a woman of your caliber,you will know it, because you wont be needing to correct your atainability with her, and you will chalenge each
other constantly.
It isnt worthy of your time to get involved in realationship with unconfident women, with poor social and emotional inteligence, uneducated or from poor backgroud, with no ambition and goals in life, and solid money making skills.
And its also aint worthy of your time and resources to get involved with them just for a sake of sex.
Honestly I guess someone will condemn me as I am but I dont care, Im just telling you my experience so some of you can wake up and see what I saw.
Cheers,
great site by the way

Rishi's picture

Hello Chase and David,
love this blog. Anyway, suppose i wanted to get a girl's phone no by doing a one min close at school. That's cool if she's alone, but what if she's w/ her friends whom i don't know and i don't really want to know?
How do i seperate her from her friends and perform a one min (or less) close then so it isn't awkward? Thanks.

Jason Matthew Mahan's picture

Accepting any Referencing to attainability seems to be very one sided based on this page.

Far too many women reject otherwise good guys that could have had the chance to build on some kind of friendship had the female been willing to compromise.

This kind of rigidity is what ends things before they start... " possibly with the right potential matches "

Chasing a female because of WHAT SHE WANTS ?? selfish and shallow...

GOOD Guys deserve a bit more then selfishness, and some females need to understand this and make some changes.

Once put as a visual example online: Men are assumed to have one single switch that is able to just be flicked and turned on without much effort...

While Females are assumed to have many switched that seemingly to be complex and operate in some sequence of order to initial acceptance...

Many switches that DONT WORK are useless to even try to figure out.

This HIGH MAINTENANCE is not a valuable quality by any means.

I truly believe that picking a confident Female is definitely a better choice, over one that is highly insecure.

And for what my two cents is worth..... I prefer the Female who will always be willing to compromise, rather then having to constantly negotiate with to please her terms.

- Jason Matthew Mahan -

Anonymous's picture

Incorrect, women don't need to change anything, men are chasing them and they choose, if you and I don't like it fine, be single, they don't care they have another 100 men waiting, women are doing very well out of this why would they change, when a woman wants a man she gets him, easily, and all the time, she gets offers from morning until night every day all the time, no woman will ever change because of your good arguments. Confident women might be a good start but then if your only going for confident women, and those women are getting asked out every few minuites of their lives, they aren't gonna be too many who are single, and the ones in relationships will never cheat because they are confident ! that plan wownt work either, the only thing that might work is if you play their game better than them, thatl take years to learn and or someone autistic like me will be impossible ! thnks I like what you said !

Jason Matthew Mahan's picture

Psychosomatics are what most females tend to gravitate toward... This has been proven for thousands of years and will never change...

Byu's picture

I can see Chase doesn't really have much time answering comments nowadays, so if anyone else have an idea on my story, please help me solve this mistery of my life… (sorry, very long post)

There was this beautiful ballet dancer girl (from one of my social circles), very confident, chased by tons of guys, so she was clearly aware of her values and of all the possible outcomes of dating a man. So, since I just started to build up my confidence, I didn’t even think she would notice me, but she did. We contacted on Facebook. I was so excited about the unexpected interest the girl showed towards me that I digged myself into Chase’s articles and decided to play this one perfectly. I literelly spent days with studying every available and useful information on this site. I did so good in texting that we agreed on a date in no time. Of course I knew that my only chance with this caliber of woman was that I play it very cool, confidently, misteriously, totally lay-back, not seeming to be needy or nervous. So that described my whole attitude on the first date and she really seemed to be interested in me. She told me a heck of a lot about her childhood, her feelings, the guys he previously dated and who failed, etc. So we did some pretty good deep-diving and she just kept talking and talking. She laughed at my jokes and sometimes even got physical by touching or squeezing my arm, my shoulders – which I took as a clear sign of attraction, but yet I remained calm and lay-back. I didn’t want to reveal my excitement, so I stayed in role and behaved like I was only mildly interested in her. But still every now and then I did communicate with my nonverbals and a few words that I was very much suprised about the things she told me about herself and that I found her intriguing. So, to cut a long story short, I would say, everything I did was in the right balance.

Yet at the end of the date I didn’t sense all that overwhelming intimacy, so I figured it would’ve been highly inappropriate to just rush for a kiss, so we said goodbye in a very good mood. She actually seemed to appreciate that I didn’t get all that physichal while we were together. So, not very much later she texted me (on her own, I didn’t even ask her to do so): „thank you for the night, I got home safe and sound : )”. Man was I excited! The next day she texted me that she would definitely like to meet me again. Everything seemed to be playing out so well.

By that time I knew two things: first, that she must’ve been interested in me, and second, that I had to move fast, because „attraction has an expiration date”. So we almost instantly agreed on a second date, but the „when” was still a question. She told me that she would like to meet me, but she couldn’t tell me on what days she would be available. Well, that made me a little bit suspicious, but I told to myself: it’s OK man, just stay cool, she is indeed a very busy girl.

I cut back my texting just in case, so that I stay interesting, and actually she was the one who texted me a few days later and apologized and told me that she had some troubles in her life but that she definitely wanted to meet me again. From this point, everything seemed to be on the right track, we agreed on a second date next week (that was two weeks after our first date). It seemed to be going so well. I remained calm and restrained with my texts, but still iquiring, friendly and witty. By the „rule of the least effort”, actually she was the one who texted me more and even more often, and I took that as a good sign, too. I even managed to bring some sexual humour to a few of our conversations and she seemed to enjoy that. The day of the second date approched. Two days earlier we even met at a friend’s birthday party. It gave me a big deal of thinking if I should go on that party because I didn’t know what influence it could have on us. I din’t want to lose „status quo’, you know. In the end it turned out to be very good. We had a bit of chit-chat and she seemed to be even more intrigued about me (note that I had a lot of friends there and talked to several people, even girls), actually I could even feel some sexual tension in the air.

I planned the second date to be much like the first one, nothing special, just simple, chilling out in the open with some white wine, talking. My attitude was pretty much unchanged. I stayed calm, gentle, witty, asked her a lot of questions, etc. So after about two hours, a bell ringed in my head: „move fast, move fast…”. So I told her that we should go to my place after we finished the wine, because [insert anything here]... : ) She agreed on that and we started to take the walk home (about 20-25 minutes). I maintained the momentum of the conversation. I should mention that on that day she even told me about some very sensitive things of her actual life (I don’t want to go into details here but it was basically about… losing a relative that she loved very much) which further explained all the „I am very busy” thing.

So we arrived, I poured her some soda which she seemingly appreciated (seeing that I didn’t want to get her drunk). We talked a little more, and after about 10-15 minutes, I spontaneously kissed her very gently. She didn’t respond very well, didn’t push me away but didn’t melt either. Immediately after I pulled back, letting her know that she was safe and I wouldn’t force anything. She looked quite surprised and asked me if that was the reason I brought her home, because had she known that beforehand, she might not have come. I was truly surprised at the reaction… she told me that it was too fast for her because it was only the second date and that she didn’t even really know anything about me… (that is somewhat true, I was so much into making her the one talking that I didn’t really tell all that much about myself…). I tried to get her relaxed and told her that it’s OK, she is right, and asked if she wanted to talk about me. She said yes and asked me to tell her something that I find to be a bad thing about myself. I really tried to be very open and honest in that moment because I figured she needed some reassurance that I was in fact a real, emotional person. So I told her some things about my life. After that we kept talking somehow but I felt that something was off. She needed to leave at about 11:00 p.m. (she had some things to do early in the morning the next day which I know for a fact was true). There was a faint kiss when we said goodbye. I asked her to text me if she got home safe, which she did and wished me good night.

After two days of silence she texted me that she wants to end our thing because she is not yet ready for a serious relationship, she has exams to pass at the university and it is important for her future. She is not into anything else and she don’t want to keep me waiting. And that I know how problematic her life is now which she told me about… She asked me not to be angry and told me that she just wanted to be honest.

So guys…. that’s the end of our story. I really think she just wanted to be polite and there must’ve been something I made that actually derailed this whole thing… Neeedless to say, I’ve been feeling terrible in the past few days and the only cure I found was reading Chase’s „How to Act When a Girl Rejects You” article 10 times in a row… I don’t want to get this girl back because I know it’s impossible. I just want to figure out my mistakes so that I can prevent something like this happening again. Rejection after the second date, when you already start to get emotional about a girl… not the prettiest thing, guys… : )

Anonymous's picture

wow, if only I read this in my 20s I never had a girl before despite being very very handsome, every girl looked at me, I tried in vein to get anyone, now im 35 and its too late, wish I could have read this 15 years ago !

Anonymous's picture

Hi! I have some general questions, it actually does not belong under attainability, but if you think about it, it is a big part of it.
Chase, I am an experienced seducer. At the very beginning, I learned my fundamentals, value, attraction. Then I learnt about auto-rejection from women, and how to cope with it. Then I learnt more about attainability... Then I learnt how to move fast and effectively in seduction and as result, I learnt about emotional cresting and about buyers remorse. However there are things that I want to address and ask you or someone from this site on the your opinion. Basically, those are situations where you lose women who are attracted to you, due to things you can control (including women themselves). I add that women in my examples are in age 30-40.

- Attraction Expiration -
If you and the woman have conflicting schedules, you only watch her attraction expiring. You can push it a little, but this can be interpreted as chasing. OK, this is an independent and unsolvable problem. However, I am shocked by the attitude of many women - if the date setting is not optimal, postpone it. Such women literally send her own attraction into expiration.

- Attainability and Auto-rejection -
Generally, if a woman wants you, she must sense you are not easy to get, but still attainable. However, some women have confidence issues and will auto-reject you no matter what you do. I also registered a phenomenon that Chase doesn't mention - you are attainable, but the woman is not very (usually due to very busy life). She knows that you are not attainable to her, but still attainable to meeting other women, so she chooses auto-rejection. Another destructive behavior I sometimes face is - the woman makes something really stupid, often because she wants you and is quite nervous. Her solution is bizarre - auto-reject you.

- Emotional Cresting and Buyer's Remorse -
I faced situations that could not be solved - a woman totally into me and sex impossible. For example you kiss a woman and that kiss unleashes her inner sexual beast, however there is no solution to consume the sexual energy. When I went with it, it led to wild make-out and emotional trough later. Some women felt buyer's remorse, even when I actually did not do any hard sell, some were openly ashamed of their behavior. They could only blame themselves... but of course, auto-rejected me. I also tried to stop their behavior, not to kiss and make-out. And you know what? She auto-rejected me too in the end. I even had women who made-out with me a little and then asked me about when I had time, if she could come over, if I liked sex in the car... only to get cold and reject me the day later!

Chase - is your experience similar? When you eliminate most of your mistakes, get sexy, when your seduction becomes effective, then you can see the wall of uncontrolled and can also see mistakes and issues in women. Sometimes you are able to laugh it off, but sometimes you are still shocked...

What should I in this situation? :-)

Tom

peterpan is a fool's picture

Wow, this makes perfect sence, I had a beautiful woman that was so interested in me she spread rumours around the market, when I asked her out I was nervouse because ive been rejected by a lot of women that liked me in the past, she said no and was obviously angry because I asked nervously, I mistangly thought I asked wrong and my pick up was inexperienced and not slick enough, because it happened every time, I got advice from women when I was young to always be humble, this meant I acted more nervous than I was even though I was very very good looking I pretended I wasn't to avoid looking arrogant with women, this advice has literally ruined my life, I was expressing to all these women I was low worth so they assumed there was something wrong with me, its a pitty I didn't know this at the time because my self esteem wouldn't have been quite so terrible, as theres nothing like getting rejected by every girl that's ever liked you to knowck your self esteem, especially when your very very good looking, you think to yourself I must be sooo dam discusting that even though women love the way I look I am so ugly personality wise they still say no. Now I'm a 36 yr old jaded virgin who can never be happy because I missed out on the one thing I wanted, its very sad that women will give out this misleading information because I was needlessly very miserable had so much self hate you cant believe and so loanly, despite having model good looks, all needless misery, the bitterness will eventually kill me ! so sad, such a waste of life that could have been easily avoided. THANKS WOMEN.

Pauljcdr's picture

Chase - tell me straight - are there some guys who stay alone their entire lives because no matter what they do, no woman is ever attracted to them?

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