How to Say No to Others and Turn Down Compliance | Girls Chase

How to Say No to Others and Turn Down Compliance

how to say noIn Part 3 of my 3-part series on compliance, I’ll be discussing how to say no to people who want compliance out of you – and when specifically to say it (as opposed to saying yes).

You can read Parts 1 and 2 of the series here:

  1. How to Get Her to Say “Yes”
  2. What If She Says No?

Turning down compliance is actually an especially dicey area for most. Even for experienced guys... even for men who are naturals socially... you will run into the odd situation here and there where you aren’t sure whether to say yes or no, and aren’t sure how to say no even if you probably should.

Tell me you’ve been here before: there’s a really cute girl, and you really dig her, yet the dynamic you have with her is just that you’re chasing her a little bit too much... yet, you sense that if you let up even a bit, she’s going to vanish off into the ether.

And then, out of the blue, she says: “Can you wait here a minute? I have to go make a phone call,” then turns to go leave.

Can you say no to this? Should you? What’s your play?

You can sense that letting her do this only worsens your position with her and moves you farther away from getting anywhere with her... but you just don’t know what else to do.

Chase AmanteAbout the Author: Chase Amante

Chase woke up one day in 2004 tired of being alone. So, he set to work and read every book he could find, studied every teacher he could meet, and talked to every girl he could talk to to figure out dating. After four years, scads of lays, and many great girlfriends (plus plenty of failures along the way), he launched this website. He will teach you everything he knows about girls in one single program in his Mastery Package.


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Troy's picture

Great Stuff. I need to say no more often. Not always yes!

David Riley's picture

Hey Troy,

When you truly master the right times for "No" and "Yes", you will notice greater satisfaction in your interactions and relationships with people.

Just Dave

Bryann R.'s picture

Hey, Chase!

Another impormative & Great Article!
I believe this will help and I agree on this, coz' saying No also means be generous to yourself, Avoiding to be pressured by doing something you don't want to.
but I just wanna clarify in a situation where someone ( Your Boss in a company or any authoritative person ) asking a favor to do something you don't want to, because doing his/her favor is just only a waste in time. How can I deal w/ that person and must do?
Sorry for my English.

Bryann R.

David Riley's picture

Hey Bryann,

Depending on what the task is, you can let your employer know that you have other commitments. Don't go into a long story, just tell them you're unavailable to do it. You can always tell them that you're in the middle of something as well. A special note is to make sure to be respectful. Don't tell them out right "no", this is why it's always important to look busy on the job. When you look like you're not doing anything your boss will give you busy work. These are just some tips, if you have a specific example then I encourage you to ask away.

Just Dave

Anonymous's picture

Hey thanks for the article links Dave, but I still want to know what you and Chase would do in my situation, I want to know how you both would triumph with girls while in my situation. I just want an honest example of what you'd guys would do.

Here's my question again:

Hey Chase and Dave, what would you do in my position? And what Mindsets would you have? And can you be very descriptive please.

Im in my mid to late twenties and im having a hard time right now. I don't have a job and I just got back into school, I don't have a car either and I still live with my fam, so logistics is hard. Im working on my self, but im having a hard time getting a job and all of that, but im pushing.

I wanted to know, how you guys would get girls and sleep with them in my position?
What confident mindset would you have? What I mean is, I think girls wont like me Because I dont have this and that and theyll think im a loser, I still approach but that is always on my mind. Then I think they dont want to give me the time of day because they have so much more than I have and they're either younger or the same age, why would they sleep with me?

I want to know how you guys would keep your confidence up and not let those things bother you. What advantages would you point out to yourself to know you're still the man?

Thanks guys

Sam2's picture

"And, following the Law of Least Effort, he who is most invested in others, yet receives the greatest deal of investment in return, wins the tabulation contest."


Did you mean "he who is LESS invested in others" ?

lao che's picture

great series of articles chase. i'm personally holding you responsible for turning a boy into a man. at the unfortunately ripe old age of 39. well, 37 when i found you but there was a seachange in my outlook on life around that time. i believe it would never have happened without

thank you

David Riley's picture

Hey Lao,

You're a testimony that it's never too late to begin learning game! I wish the best in endeavors and much success.

Just Dave

thatfatdood's picture

Chase, you are truly a great writer. I love how you break everything down and give us a quick summary in the end to make sure the information sticks.
I really needed this, because my biggest problem lately has been saying no to people.


Troy's picture

Hey Dave,

If you or anyone might have seen my Journal on the boards of lately, then it would be clearly evident that I am not writing up my field reports regularly. I don't like writing apart from asking questions on stuff which is not always beneficial, in terms of helping me remember what I did wrong and how to fix it.

When I didn't have any technology device, I wrote my field reports in a notebook. But it was always very rarely. I feel sleepy and weird when writing. Plus I don't like trying to force myself to write. Whenever I write down something I often read it back later and feel EXTREMELY EMBARRASSED as to what I said or did. I always write down:

1) Myself and the girls body language
2) What was said
3) Why I did what at xyz time
4) What I think I can change.

It's extremely hard to look over my field reports because it make a no sense to me.

How do I enjoy writing? I keep forcing myself to like things I hate but this is something I need to learn to enjoy.

Should I just write what comes to mind and let it flow? I struggle with remembering things quickly though so what to change there too?

How to read over my field reports and not feel embarrassed even if what I wrote down is a bit silly/stupid to say or Do?



David Riley's picture

Hey Troy,

There is no need to feel embarrassed about your field reports. There is no concrete way of writing field reports and everyone writes them differently. Look at field reports as a way of helping you in the future. The format you are using is fine because you're outlining the facts. You're not writing a narrative, you're writing solely what happened during the interaction. The more and more you write reports about your interactions, the better you will see yourself becoming. The trick to learning to love writing is to find your purpose for writing. When you find the purpose for your writing, the words will flow freely. Remember we all started from somewhere and becoming a master was not meant to be easy. Learn from every experience you have.

Take care,

Just Dave

Train's picture

For the cold girl who asks for you to hold her seat, isn't it weak to try to "woo" her by trying to get her to comply when she's already sent signals that she's not that into you?

Great stuff. Your article on chasing has really left a mark on me, the good kind. Just what I needed in life after being a pathetic puppy-dog, hah .

David Riley's picture

Hey Train,

From the context of the dialogue from the article, I don't see that the girl was already cold. I believe Chase was getting at that if you don't invest in her slightly she could become cold. Now to answer your question it is weak to woo a girl when she's already cold. That would be consider chasing because she has already communicated she's not interested. Let me know if that answers your question. Also don't worry we've all been "chasers" at one time or another. ;)

Take care,

Just Dave

Train's picture

Ah, I see, thanks very much. That makes sense. I appreciate the empathizing too, thanks :). Take care as well.

Anonymous's picture

How to lose gracefully? What is the best way to handle situations when you just have to lose. Whether in a street fight failing to defend a girl, maybe a girl rejects you or you just lose your long created business. You write articles in general that helps raising efficiency of relationships in all arenas, but what about this one?

David Riley's picture

Hey Anon,

I will let Chase and the other authors know about your request.

Just Dave

Davido's picture

I am going to go back and read this article more in depth. Life is funny, I wanted to write a comment in a different article asking for help on how to deal with my best friend who is exhibiting all sort of framing against me, everything has to be on his term.
I jump to help him when he asks for help and when I do ask for help, he will always stylishly find me alternatives to solve my problems rather than solve them himself. Two days ago got me all worked up and thinking of re-evaluating our friendship, as a matter of fact I have thought about opting out at this stage and save myself this headache as you mentioned in one of your articles about fixing problems with a girl or opting out. I just realized I have said yes almost 100% of the time to him to a point even when I am the one doing him a favor he still rides on me disrespectfully. One example he wanted me to drive to him so we could both drive his car to pick a part for his car in a junk yard, I was 10 mins late and he was gone without any calls, and disgracefully to me he called me three days later when he was fixing the car at the mechanic to come and pull some money out for him at the ATM, which I did.
I don't want to bore you with all the many instances, the problem is I am aware of what he is doing, since I do day game, but for some strange reasons I can't explain why I have allowed him too much chances to ride me like a mat. When I call someone my friend, his shit is my shit and I expect my shit to be his shit.
After this last incidence with him, I came to the conclusion that I open myself up too easily for people to make friends and almost all the time, it has left me been very vulnerable.
As for my friend, he knows how I ended my friendship with my other friends who took my nicety for stupidity, I am thinking I should apply same principle here by dumping him totally and move on with my friend with some great lessons learnt.
By the way, if anyone is reading this, not just friends, your family and blood siblings will do the same if you don't draw a line on how you interact with them. People will repeatedly abuse any privileges you give them. I am bookmarking this article and the other one on fixing a problem with a girl, or letting her fix it or opting out. These two articles are epic and real life compasses.
God bless girlschase.

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