How to Romance a Girl (and Really Steal Her Heart)

how to romance a girlLet’s pick up where we left off in “How to Build a Relationship” and “How to Make a Girl Fall in Love with You.” As I mentioned previously in our relationship series, no matter how hot she is and how many options she has in guys, and no matter how much of an ice-queen she may appear to be on the surface… the reality of the situation is, it’s never an impossible task to figure out how to romance a girl because she’s likely not happy with her love life.

You cannot imagine how frustrating it is for women that they can’t seem to find a good guy!

If she’s very hot, this is even more frustrating… because now she really starts to question everything: “If I’m as beautiful as everybody always says I am, then where’s my prince? And what’s wrong with ME that I can’t find the right guy?”

I know, it’s outrageous… you’re probably thinking – what are they talking about? I AM a good guy… I’m right here… and I even approach them, what’s the matter with them?

The thing is, a good man, and one that is good enough for that kind of high-caliber girl, really IS exceptionally rare… and if you shape yourself into that kind of man - if you ask the question“ What do girls look for?” and then you go and become that - you will have a LOT of choice and power with women.

But that is exactly her dilemma… not only are these ideal guys one in a million, but they also have so many options that they’re very hard to nail down.

And so it goes… and that same perfect ten that seems so powerful and unattainable when she’s dancing on the podium in the club might be sitting on her couch and watching Bridget Jones the next afternoon, wondering when her dream guy will finally save her from the endless chain of losers that she hooks up with, only to get disappointed time and time again.

That is why even the most beautiful women respond so strongly to a guy like Brad Pitt in Joe Black.

And it’s also why they write songs like this one:

So if you’re looking for a great relationship with an amazing woman… it’s all up to you, bro. You can learn how to become romantic, and you can create those experiences women spend so much time wishing for and pining after.

They’re up for it.

Two Powerful Techniques…

As I mentioned earlier in this series, if you really want to get a girl to open up to you and create that deep, lasting bond and emotional connection, you need to reach out to THAT GIRL inside of her… the one that watches chick flicks and cries over romantic comedies.

She’s in there…

…and here’s how to romance a girl past the show she puts on for the outside world, and actually reach her.

  1. If you get the feeling that she is too guarded, call her out on it. The following line is from a movie, (and I wish I could remember which one it was – post in the comments and let me know if you recognize it) and while you don’t have to recite this line to her verbatim, it sums up the gist of what you want to communicate to her pretty nicely:

    “You like to play games and always be in control so you never get too close.”

    In the movie, the guy delivers the line and then immediately WALKS AWAY.

    Now, whether or not you want to deliver it quite this snappy and spunky will depend a lot on the situation and you will have to calibrate carefully – but either way, this message is a true SHOCKER to many girls, because they ARE really doing that… and without being aware of it.

    They CRAVE true intimacy, yet they push it away when it knocks at their door.

    That’s a fear response… one that got conditioned because of bad experiences they’ve made in the past.

    And since this fear response is unconscious, calling it out can have a massive impact. Not only are you right about what you are saying, and you can see right through her, but you also obviously understand what she wants better than she does… and then you WALK AWAY.

    It’s a true pattern interrupt… something that snaps her out of her conditioning for a second and makes her reflect… and then gets her to CHASE.

    The desire to experience a deep connection with a man, yet pushing the best guys she meets away, is similar to a man’s desire to meet a beautiful woman, yet making excuses when it’s time to approach her… it’s all fear-based.

    If your wing has ever called you out on your bullshit reasons for not going up to a girl and that got you into action, you are starting to see the power of this idea.

  2. This next one is a cheesy version of #1… but don’t worry about that. When you’re both in love, it won’t be perceived as cheesy… but instead, it will totally HIT HOME.

    Here it is:
    “You say that you love rain, but you open your umbrella when it rains.

    You say that you love the sun, but you find a shadow spot when the sun shines.

    You say that you love the wind, but you close your windows when wind blows.

    That’s why I’m afraid when you say that you love me.”
    I know, it looks totally sappy… in fact, it probably is.

    But you see, emotional states are temporary and ever-changing, and this is an important thing in romancing a girl… because something that makes TOTAL sense in one emotional state makes NO sense at all, or even looks ridiculous, in another.

    Let me give you an analogy… let’s say you look in the mirror and see you have a gut. It’s disgusting you, you’re embarrassed to go to the beach, and you’re not proud to take your shirt off in front of the girls you bring home anymore.

    Suddenly, you make a decision. You are committed to make a change… eating junk food just seems to make ZERO sense anymore. Why would you? Having a ripped physique and the female attention that comes with it are certainly a million times more desirable than a slimy, greasy burger!?

    A couple of days later, you have a stressful day at work. You don’t have time to eat on your break, because your inbox is flowing over and the phone is ringing off the HOOK. You stay at the office for two hours more than you usually would, and by the time you’re done, you can only think about one thing… FOOD.

    You GOTTA have something NOW?

    Where do you go?

    Did you say Burger King?


    It’s the same with sexual emotions... During foreplay, you can’t wait to rip her clothes off… but a minute after orgasm, you suddenly feel strangely indifferent.

    Different emotional state.

    And it’s also the same with ROMANTIC emotions. When you’re not in love, instructions like these on how to romance a girl seem so sappy and cheesy and ridiculous… but once that pair-bond has triggered in your head and the right biochemical drugs are running through your veins, you’re like a heroin addict who just shot up… and your perception changes completely.

    And so does hers.

    Even the silly lyrics of love songs suddenly… make total sense.

    Where I am going with this – don’t dismiss something that may seem cheesy… because in the right situation, with the right girl, and the right emotional context, it won’t be.

    Bottom line – if you and your girl are in love with each other, send her the poem above… and watch her MELT.

    I guarantee it.

how to romance a girl

How to Romance a Girl

You already know what’s coming next… yup, another disclaimer, and a warning not to overdo this. In fact, this one is such a double-edged sword that it comes with FOUR disclaimers… you really need to handle this with extreme care if you want to maintain your masculine power in the relationship and still pull this off right.

The second disclaimer is that none of these should EVER come from a place of neediness… If they do, you’re toast faster than you can say “please don’t leave me, babe.”

She’ll be out the door.

However, if you’re in a monogamous relationship with a girl and you’re both crazy in love with each other, and if you use these ideas sparingly, they can really amplify her love for you.

Do one or two of those… and watch how she tells you that her female friends are starting to give THEIR boyfriends a hard time, because they are never as thoughtful as you. :)

Suddenly all the girls she knows will be jealous of her relationship, and they’ll all wish they had a boyfriend like you… what do you think that will do to her perception of you? It’s a very powerful form of social proof.

The third caveat is that this needs to be mutual… if both people in a relationship are true givers, no one will ever have to worry about getting the short end of the stick.

  1. The lowest level of love is “me” focused… what can I GET out of this relationship?

  2. The second level is “we” focused… that’s where people start to let go of selfcenteredness and form a team… and that’s when relationships really begin to blossom.

  3. The third and final level is a relationship that is focused on the “you”… where both partners ask themselves what they can GIVE. And again, this will ONLY work if it is mutual. But if you start this off and do it right, the law of reciprocity will help you with that intention, especially if you’ve managed to find the right girl.

Final caveat – don’t confuse romantic gestures with lavishly showing off your wealth. The type of girl you probably want won’t get half as excited about a gold necklace as she will about one of the ideas in the following section… let’s get into it.

So, want to know how to romance a girl - and REALLY romance her? Some ideas:

  • Leave her a note on her car’s windshield wiper as you leave her place.
  • Listen to hints for things she likes, or things that mean a lot to her – or even things that connect the two of you. Think of a gift that relates to that.
  • Get a mug, a t-shirt or a framed picture of the two of you for her… this will set an anchor and even make it harder to break up – which, obviously, could be an advantage or a disadvantage, depending on how well you followed the advice in this article series.
  • Send her an SMS out of the blue and for no reason at all. Don’t do this frequently or it will lose its effect.
  • If you’re going to give her flowers, make it something exotic… are you going on a vacation together, or did you just get back from one? Get her a flower from that place, it will strengthen the positive memory and connect it closer to you.
  • Write her something by hand… email is not romantic. Nor is SMS or Facebook.
  • Collect all the text messages the two of you have ever exchanged, print them out and make her a gift of the binder. This is a GREAT way of capturing the emotions of first falling in love and bringing them back to life AT WILL.
  • Put a wrapped gift in her room, but tell her she can’t open it yet… set an arbitrary date. The anticipation will keep her thinking about the gift (and about you!) non-stop. Women respond MUCH stronger to curiosity than men do.
  • Candlelit dinners, massages and bubble baths still work in the 21st century. Have her reciprocate things like that too, that will also create more investment from HER.
  • Open doors as she walks through them… but not as her subservient. Rather, do this from a leading frame – be a gentleman in a strong way. Place your hand on the small of her back as you guide her through the door. Just like in salsa dancing, the man takes the lead.
  • Take her to a restaurant – but not the most expensive one, she doesn’t care about that. Take her to an exotic place – maybe there is some Tibetan food somewhere available in your town?

how to romance a girl

A comment about calibration: Don’t do this often. If you feed ANYBODY chocolate every day, they will vomit... but everybody loves some chocolate every once in a while.

And don’t do it when she EXPECTS it. Do these things totally randomly and out of the blue. I hate sending Christmas cards because they mean nothing… they’re expected. But if I have a girlfriend, I might send her a card on a random Tuesday afternoon.

Look at it that way – before Facebook, it actually meant something when a friend remembered your birthday and wrote you a message. Now, you get hundreds of birthday greetings every year and from people you’ve never even met… anything that is expected and common loses its impact. So make your romantic gestures something unexpected and something out of the ordinary.

Onward and upward,


UPDATE: read the next article in Ricardus's relationship series right here: End Relationship Drama with These 2 Rules.

Ricardus DominoAbout the Author: Ricardus Domino

Ricardus was one of the most prolific and respected coaches in the men’s dating advice industry. He’s dated some of the planet’s most beautiful women, ranging from a Miss World contestant, to a model for Coca-Cola, to one of “Brazil’s Next Top Models.” His specialty is daytime street stops. He is most remembered for his “Are you single?” opening line. Ricardus is currently retired from the dating advice industry.

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10zen's picture

She never really said that she loves me but you can easily tell she loves me too.

We have this castism system here. Things are changing rapidly but still she is one of those typical girls who would do anything their parents tell to do. And her parents will choose a guy for him and she would have to marry him. We got close but now her bachelor studies is going to end in about a year her emotional system is kicking in. She's doing everything to avoid me and to let me go away. She gets angry and says different. I can tell that she was just waiting for the excuse and have been planning to say those things. She had this absolute belief that her parents won't consent our relationship no matter what.

Therefore whenever I ask her to go out somewhere or some seminar that would help improve her studies, she won't go. It won't happen so why to continue at all she says. She doesn't want to get too close and don't want to get hurt. It understandable.

What can I do in this situation? I want her to open up to me and trust me in things I ask her to do. I am absolutely certain that I can persuade her parents but she has this barrier set up inside that whenever I try to say something she's already in defensive mode like I am trying to ruin her relationship with her parents.

harrist's picture

if I were you, I will find another women! because even if I do something about it, and try to get her back, in the end , you'll be on the same situation! another tricks, tell her no matter what do what her parents want! and said, if I were you I will do the same thing! the idea is to clear her doubt about you! whether you worth or not! and don't chase her, cause if you do, you doom! :P

Nicholas599's picture

Hey Ricardus,

Thanks for the great insights in this article.

About the movie quote “You like to play games and always be in control so you never get too close.”, this is from the movie "The Sweetest Thing". Thomas Jane puts Cameron Diaz in her place with this line. Youtube link of the scene:

This sentence did create attraction, but in the overall, I consider the guy to be quite bad with women. What's your opinion?


Anonymous's picture

Hey Ricardus,

Thanks for all the articles you wrote, they really built me into the man I am today.

I met this girl who tells me that she doesn't hook up with anyone she isn't in a relationship with, AFTER we hook up. I saw this as a good thing, thinking that I had bypassed that restriction she had placed on herself. After several days we set up another meet and she reminded me of her rule. I decided to call her out on it and she became defensive. She responded that she does not avoid intimacy, but instead hooking up makes her feel used and like sh*t. I responded to her in a serious tone I am not that type of guy. In response she said she was sorry and confused so I eased her mind my telling her I enjoy spending time with her. Did I do the right thing? And what should I do now?

Anonymous's picture

“You like to play games and always be in control so you never get too close.” -- Its from 'He's Just Not That Into You'

Anonymous's picture

you quoted a line from a movie you could not remember and 2 help you out its called anger management with adam sandler lol

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