How to Spot a Girl Looking for Men

Wes-

Yeah, it's tough when you don't realize some of those more subtle social rules... easy to make some faux pas that blow things up and you don't know why.

"Hey, how's it going?" is definitely friendly... BUT if your fundamentals still need a lot of tightening up, sometimes it's better to go over-friendly for a while just to not scare girls off when you first meet them. Sexy only works when sexy is your vibe; sexy words and deeds sans sexy vibes to back them up come across as unnerving, disturbing, and creepy - her brain says, "Whoa, I'm not thinking of him that way, but HE'S thinking of ME that way - danger! Get away!"

Once you have a sexier, more badass vibe though, you want to drop the friendly stuff, because at that point it's too disarming and kills the (positive) tension those vibes create (instead of the negative, awkward tension a more platonic or needy vibe creates).

On college campuses - I'll add that to the post queue, but it's really no different from normal street game - see Ricardus's posts here: "Using Day Game to Get Girls: 14 Myths Debunked" and "Day Pick Up: Take Girls from Street to Bed in a Snap."

Chase

Goliath-

Maybe 15% of the time you can salvage a situation where you had her at your place, she wanted sex, and you failed to escalate... the other 85% of the time or so, it's done. The 15% where it works are usually the girls who REALLY want you as a boyfriend... which, if this girl is living in another city, is unlikely to be the case. Most likely, the opportunity has come and gone, and the window is closed. See these articles:

• Escalation Windows
• Attraction Has an Expiration Date

You can occasionally turn things around even when she's completely lost interest after a failed escalation if you create enough preselection, however; and if you're out with friends, and you're fairly good with women, you might just be able to do this. See the second option, for failed escalations, in this article:

• 3 Second Date Strategies to Make Her Flirt and Swoon
  

Chase

Danny-

Previous reply to you is here:

"Re: Pickup girls in Church"

Chase

Cwon-

Welcome aboard!

Aside from the book, there's Spellbinding, on conversations, and several coaching options available - phone and email coaching are both able to be reserved. Our coach performing these currently is Cody Lyans, one of our staff writers, and a pretty experienced phone trainer.

There's also too the subscription to the site, as well, if you plan on accessing more than 10 articles on GC monthly.

Chase

Breeze-

Power dynamics in your relationship with various women affect whether you can tell them that they like you or not.

e.g., if you've just met a woman and the dynamic between the two of you is unclear, you telling her she likes you will shut her down to allow her to save face. Or, if you've known her for a long time, and she's even remotely close to auto-rejection with you (that is, she likes you, but feels like you don't like her back / aren't going to do anything / are ignoring her signals), and you go telling her she likes you, it feels like you're rubbing it in... and it also robs her of her denial - at least before she could say, "Well, he didn't do anything because he doesn't know I like him," but if you DO know it, then she must admit to herself, "He KNOWS I like him... which means if he didn't do anything, then HE doesn't like ME," and she feels strongly rejected / insulted / hurt.

Conversely, if a woman likes you, and your attainability with her is high, and she feels that you are clearly in control of the relationship dynamic and trusts your control because she knows that you are moving it quickly and confidently toward sex (and are not toying with her), she will just smile and blush and flirt when you tell her she likes you if you do.

It's all in whether she feels like you're doing everything you could be to get her in bed with you when you say it... or whether you aren't, and you're having a laugh at her expense and making her look like a fool for being attracted to you when you aren't going to take action.

Chase

Michal-

This one's definitely not where you want to end up at (see: "Better Than Jerk"), but if you're too far along the "too nice" side of the spectrum, you will usually need to spend a bit of time in the "too much of a jerk" side of things before you're able to bring yourself back to a happy medium, yeah.

The best thing I can suggest to do is start saying "no" to people more, for ridiculous reasons; impose on people, and ask them to do things for you, especially in exchange for them asking for things out of YOU, and make the things you ask for BIGGER than what they're asking for in return; put pressure on people to do what you want; tease people a little too hard, and a little too personally.

Just think: impose, be selfish, be WAY more honest than is necessary, bust people's stones, and generally be a lot less sensitive to other people's feelings.

Usually, if you're used to being super nice, it'll feel like you're being TOO MUCH of an asshole when you start trying, but in fact you still won't be being enough of one. So keep ratcheting it up a bit more and a bit more and a bit more until you're getting enough auto-rejection happening regularly from people because you're way too asshole-ish that you now know where the limits are and you can bring it back in.

Chase

Pablo-

Good suggestion - I'll add it to the post queue!

Meantime, for general "bad boy" guidelines, see my response to Michal above about being a jerk, and think of "bad boy" as "jerk" meets "sexy man."

Chase

Pinot-

Yes, that's a good one - how chatty the girl is from the outset is a big one. When a girl is SUPER talkative and friendly at the outset, it usually means that she feels like she's completely in control... which means you can still sometimes end up with her if she's logically decided that sex is something that will happen with you, but otherwise, if she hasn't, you're probably wasting your time. The girls who are a bit more reserved on the date are more concerned about your impression of them - which means they like you a good bit, too.

Others are reactions to touch / proximity - when you tell girls to sit next to you, the chatty/platonic ones go, "Oh! Okay!" and then do, like you're good friends, or they get a little awkward about it, or may even insist on sitting across from you. All these are usually bad signs. What you WANT to see is a girl either behave shyly, or just accept it and comfortably continue with you.

General body language, too - platonic girls bug their eyes out a lot, are very expressive, and talk to you the same as they would one of their girlfriends... all signs they're not feeling especially randy with you. If the date's not going well, a girl's arms will be crossed, her facial expressions will be awkward, her conversation will be half-hearted, and/or her body will be turned somewhat away from you.

On the other hand, if she's very interested, she'll be leaning in, hanging on your every word, and looking like she's in a trance. The more of this you see, in fact, the sooner you should pull.

Chase

V-

The signs a girl definitely does NOT want you to approach are:

• She rolls her eyes at you

• She sneers at you (and not in jest)

• She looks away and grabs a friend right after eye contact with you (women who want you to approach will try to seem open; women who do not will try to appear closed)

• After eye contact with you, she immediately leaves wherever she just was (rather than waiting for you to approach), and moves somewhere else far away (rather than walking in your direction)

• Anything else that creates distance with you without throwing you "sexy eyes" as she does so (occasionally, some women will create distance while throwing you "follow me" eyes; most women creating distance are just trying to discouarge an approach, though)

Other indicators your approach will be lower probability:

• Her body (head, eyes, torso, feet) is completely pointed toward someone she's talking with (she's fully engaged in conversation, and you intruding will be an interruption)

• She's deep in the middle of a large group (you tearing through the group to get at her will likely be very high social pressure for her, and she's liable to reject you)

• She's in party mode, and dancing wildly or otherwise behaving crazily, and you are anywhere beneath her in energy levels (if you're even wilder and crazier, you may be able to approach and have it go okay... but only then)

On street smarts and dating rules - I could write you a book on those! Street smarts I could probably write something on, but as far as dating rules - we've got an entire section of the site devoted to that! See here: Dating Rules.

Chase

Peacer-

On older articles in specific categories, you can use the "Categories" link (it's on the footer at the bottom of the page) and click on the category of your choice to view all articles in that category in reverse chronological order. (worth noting: these categories are not 100% the same as the ones in the navigation bar, and if you go through multiple of these categories you'll see some overlap, as many articles lie in several of these categories - but if you just want to see, say, all the relationship articles, you can find them this way)

On whether to stop seeing other women when a girl you're seeing asks you to stop and be exclusive to her - that's a call you'll have to make. I've dealt with it plenty in the past, and especially had a difficult time with it when I was just starting out. My utlimate decision was that I needed to improve with women still and I wasn't in a place yet where I could offer a girl exclusivity, and I'd tell girls that and let them choose if they wanted to be with me in this way, or if they didn't want to be with me, but that I was who I was and nothing more or nothing less. You may or may not want to do that yourself... but you will have to decide what's most important.

Do be aware though, that if you're going to give in to a girl's wishes / demands, you must make it very clear you're doing so on YOUR terms as much as possible (and it's never 100% possible when you're giving in) to mollify any potential loss of respect she might endure for you in the relationship by you relinquishing your options (and options are power).

Chase

Rel-

Ricardus actually departed a little while back to run his own business in the foreign languages market (which is doing quite well for him, incidentally), so it's not that he gave up so much as he moved on! His relationship series though was his entire presentation from a 2008 relationship summit he gave, so that really is most of his "stuff" on the subject.

The one you might be looking for on infusing new blood into old relationships is here:

• Self-Expansion and Growth in Relationships

... and of course, better sex is always a big one, especially if it gets to the point where your woman is hounding YOU for more sex:

• How to Be a Good Lover (and Give a Girl Orgasms)
• Make Her Orgasm Hard from Sex in 8 Minutes or Less
• 3 Steps to Help Her to Orgasm from Sex
  

Also, something else to watching out for in an older relationship:

• The 2 Year Drop
  

Anyway, you're right - there are a couple of categories on here that haven't been getting as much love the past month or two (Relationships, Female Mind, Social Life) - I'll see what we can do about that!

Chase

Anon-

I realize that's hard, yeah. I've known several guys with Asperger's, including one of the more prolific seducers I've known. That man was a relentless self-improvement machine who had to break everything down mechanically, and would spend a LOT of time observing others and mimicking every small detail about them and asking lots of questions about why they did this little thing or that little thing or why this mattered and what not. He'd always seem a little bit off and a little bit artificial, but at least over the short-term with girls he was very, very good and a reliable pickup machine. His relationship game was actually pretty tight too, although he'd usually need to fail multiple times at crucial stages to get things functioning quite right (but then he'd end up pulling off some wild, crazy stuff).

On signs, see my reply to V above on "Signs Not to Approach."

Stages of an interaction - I'd roughly say:

• Opening / meet (you're strangers; she's wondering, "Is this guy cool? Is he as sexy and strong as he seems? Is he going to be a social burden I'm going to realize I don't want around but he won't get it and won't leave? Is he going to be able to read and respond to my signals?")

• Small talk / banter (establishing that you're a cool guy who "gets it" and will not be a social burden)

• Hook point (when she decides she wants you around and will actively try to keep you in the conversation)

• Move or number/end (when she needs you to either move her for both of you to signify your express interest in getting to know one another better and moving things forward right now, OR for you to tell her you want to see her again another time, grab her phone number, and wish her good day or goodnight)

• Deep rapport / bonding (when she's getting very comfortable talking to you, and solidifying her belief that, "Yeah, I want this guy")

• Pull (when you take her to home)

• Getting comfortable alone with you (when she gets familiar with the environment of your place and decides that you are exactly the same here as you were where she met you - what a relief! - and aren't going to turn into some needy weirdo or crazy serial killer)

• Escalation to sex (when you start to kiss her and move things to physical intimacy)

And as for the vitality of a sexy walk and sexy voice - the sexier, the better. If you want to know the difference between Brad Pitt and Brendan Fraser, it's mostly these, plus facial expressions.

Chase