(3) Journeyman

Note from Chase: this is a guest post from John Turner, one of our senior discussion board members who posts under the handle TheDoctor. In this post on the “seduction triangle”, John applies a sales tool called the “sales triangle” to the world of dating and seduction. Here’s John.

When I was starting out in sales, I knew a few of the various sales techniques, had read a lot of theory, and I was pretty confident that I would be able to adapt at an excelled rate. So it wasn’t long before I knew my product in and out and was able to overcome objections quickly and efficiently.

I was sure I’d be a selling machine, but the truth is, I performed very… OK. That was it. Just “OK”. A lot of my prospects would vanish, deals would fall through, and I had an impossible time hitting my budgeted numbers.

What was I doing wrong?

I analyzed absolutely every part of my “sales game” and came up short as to the missing link. I knew it was not my lack of knowledge about the product, nor was it that I was unfamiliar with the tactics of the sales process.

I went crazy trying to figure it out, and I knew I was over-complicating it. It was then that I came upon a sales idea I had not heard of before:

In Part 1 of this series, we took an in-depth look into the reasons why guys get married.

In Part 2, we will explore what these men think their marriages will be like, and also a few examples of (if they do not watch their P’s and Q’s) where and how things can go completely and utterly wrong, wrong, wrong.

I can’t help but find it a wee bit amusing how guys get so stoked to tie the knot to their special girl, and everything is all puppy dogs and rainbows, and then six months later she is carrying his nuts around in her purse.

What do men really want to get out of marriage?

• A nice house?
• A two-car garage?
• 3.2 kids?
• Endless blow jobs and sandwiches?

That’s not even close to the half of it. While men are naturally a little more laid back about things and do not have the crazy sky-high expectations of an endless fairy tale like women do, the problem persists that men usually end up not only getting less of what they actually want, but end up getting a whole lot of other things that they really do not want and really hadn’t bargained on either.

And the more careless and less socially savvy the man is, the less his expectations are actually met.

If you want to catch and keep a beautiful girl, you need to be at the top of your game. And no matter how much you love your family, sometimes it would help if they were buried deep underground. The thought of exposing a girl to the circus of your nearest and weirdest can be truly terrifying.

But there’s really no reason to be afraid. I’ll show you how to play this game like a pro, winning the affections of the girl and the admiration your family.

The key to success is realizing what you’re dealing with. Regardless of what you tell each other, every girl thinks meeting your family is getting to know “the real you”. Interactions with your family will make a deeper impression on her than almost anything else, including, in many cases, how you treat her when you’re alone.

This is a prime opportunity for you to attract her. When she meets your family, she’s ready to notice everything you’ve got going for you. Like how you’re manly and self-assured when you talk business with your dad, how you’re kind and sensitive when helping your mum with the dishes, how you’re hilarious when you tease your little sister, and how you’re boldly sexual when you put your hand on her under the dinner table.

Putting on this kind of show is going to take some serious preparation, not to mention skill. For a start, when is it okay for her to meet your folks?

There are two variables to consider:

1. Is the time right for the girl to meet your family?
2. Is the time right for your family to meet the girl?

Place: London
Time: 6:00pm

It was a Friday night in Leicester Square. I had a book in hand and was going to do some reading while doing coffee shop game. When I walked in I noticed a Mediterranean beauty sitting with a couple of her friends.

I walked up to her and introduced myself. From the moment I sat down I felt an instant connection with the girl. Our conversation hopped around topics like economics, adventure, and romance. Her friends sat there watching as we talked for forty minutes. I started to feel like what we were experiencing was special.

She had to leave to attend a play, and she asked me for my name so she could invite me on Facebook. Wrapped up in the moment, I gave it to her without taking her number, and she said she couldn’t wait to see me again. We hugged, and she went off into the night.

I walked home in a joyful glee, excited, thinking about all the possibilities. I kept thinking about how easy and effortless it was to talk to her. I started to think that I would stop going out with other girls I was dating and focus only on her.

“I have a real connection with this girl,” I thought to myself.

When I got home, I quickly logged into Facebook. My heart sank. There was no friend request from her. I refreshed the page fifteen times and still nothing.

“I thought we had a connection...”

You meet her at a coffee shop or the library and have a great interaction; she was laughing at all your jokes and she seemed excited about meeting up with you again. You leave feeling like you and her shared a connection and you are excited about the potential of meeting up again.

You shoot her a text a couple days later, asking her out for drinks. You glance at your phone a couple hours later, still no response. Eventually, you realize that she’s just another flakey number.

Today, let's talk making progress with women, and the kinds of progressions you can go through: passive and active.

There is a difference between passive and active progression. Passive progression is predictable, boring, and obligatory (not fun); active progression feels as if it can go places and change.

It is this difference and the fact that women NEED a man who is always actively progressing (yes, always!) that is why we need to "escalate" to just keep up. In order to progress in a relationship you must perceive a woman's desires and lead the situation to get to those areas.

Typically the most obvious form of active progression or escalation is physical or sexual, but there is actually more to it than this if you are truly paying attention.

Escalation is not just about physical intimacy increasing over time; it actually can include approaching ANY desirable context for a woman that requires your effort or participation to achieve. Things like:

• Open dialogues on important topics
• Showing a greater tendency to forgive or accept behaviors
• Showing a greater ability to perceive her desires and goals
• More time and generous attention
• More interesting dynamics

It is not merely about sexuality but in fact it's about the need to contribute to achieve mutual goals that will not just magically happen on their own.

340Breeze had a comment about issues he was running into managing his long-term relationships over on Darius’s recent article about leading and seduction – here’s the excerpt of Breeze’s comment relevant to our discussion today:

“... seems like women keep the hurt bottled up inside, and then women want to get revenge on me or hurt me because somehow my words hurt them (idk). My personality is such that I can’t easily control feeling the strong negative emotions when people who are close to me start acting like clowns, I get extremely pissed off for a little while, then after a few minutes I calm down. I don’t stay upset for long but some women seem to never ever let go of a bad feeling and cling to it with a death grip. And then some women are always testing, always poking and prodding, and always trying to say or do little things to try and get under your skin, and sometimes the shit they say or do is beyond the pale. It’s like they start drama for no reason all because they’re mad from 2 weeks or 2 months ago and instead of calmly talking about the issue and why/how they’re affected and coming to a calm solution, they let the negative emotions from the past infect their current and future feelings and subsequent behavior and I find it so hard not to say anything in response to their near-continuous shit testing.”

This is, unfortunately, a scenario most men run into eventually in long-term relationships, and a primary contributor to everything from breakups to cheating to “betaization” (that is, males moving into the subordinate role in a relationship).

So what’s the problem here, and what do we have to do to fix it?